What do you think?
Rate this book
The Rules #1 & 2
All The Rules - Sống Bản Lĩnh Theo Cách Một Quý Cô
ống Bản Lĩnh Theo Cách Một Quý Cô
Lồng ngực trái của người đàn ông không phải là nơi an toàn nhất, mà là nơi dễ thay đổi nhất. Cho nên, phụ nữ chỉ có thể dựa vào chính mình.
Ngay từ khi còn nhỏ, những bé gái thường được nuôi dạy theo một khuôn mẫu nếu không Công, Dung, Ngôn, Hạnh; thì cũng đến tuổi phải nghĩ đến chuyện lập gia đình với hàng tá những hệ quả của việc “ổn định” kéo theo. Đến tuổi trưởng thành, không ít cô gái mơ mộng về những anh chàng Mr Right sẽ mang lại cho mình một cuộc sống vừa đủ đầy, vừa lãng mạn.
Hãy ngưng ảo tưởng!!!
Bạn không thể có được hạnh phúc nếu chính bản thân mình còn phụ thuộc hạnh phúc vào người người khác.
Bạn không thể tìm được Mr Right nếu bạn không tự hoàn thiện bản thân.
Và sẽ chẳng có ai yêu bạn nếu bạn không tự yêu chính mình.
All the Rules – Bộ sách nổi đình đám trên toàn thế giới với số lượng phát hành lên tới HÀNG TRIỆU bản đã giúp các cô nàng tìm được hướng đi của cuộc đời mình. Các nàng sẽ nhận ra rằng:
Tự lập và biết phớt lờ những mối quan hệ khiến bạn mất thời gian để rồi không đi đến đâu cả.
Tự trọng và tự tôn chính là chìa khóa hấp dẫn đấng mày râu, cũng là một cách sống đầy khí chất.
Luôn luôn có những cách để bạn cân bằng với những mối quan hệ xung quanh, ở tất cả mọi trường hợp. Nếu bạn chưa biết, đó là do bạn chưa đọc All the Rules – Sống bản lĩnh theo cách một quý cô mà thôi.
Chẳng có bất kỳ một cô gái nào muốn mình tự ti, luôn vướng vào những mối quan hệ khiến mình phải day dứt, đau khổ cả. Vậy thì hãy đứng dậy và ngẩng cao đầu. Chỉ cần phía trên còn ánh mặt trời, bạn vẫn còn có cơ hội tỏa sáng.
Lồng ngực trái của người đàn ông không phải là nơi an toàn nhất, mà là nơi dễ thay đổi nhất. Cho nên, phụ nữ chỉ có thể dựa vào chính mình.
Ngay từ khi còn nhỏ, những bé gái thường được nuôi dạy theo một khuôn mẫu nếu không Công, Dung, Ngôn, Hạnh; thì cũng đến tuổi phải nghĩ đến chuyện lập gia đình với hàng tá những hệ quả của việc “ổn định” kéo theo. Đến tuổi trưởng thành, không ít cô gái mơ mộng về những anh chàng Mr Right sẽ mang lại cho mình một cuộc sống vừa đủ đầy, vừa lãng mạn.
Hãy ngưng ảo tưởng!!!
Bạn không thể có được hạnh phúc nếu chính bản thân mình còn phụ thuộc hạnh phúc vào người người khác.
Bạn không thể tìm được Mr Right nếu bạn không tự hoàn thiện bản thân.
Và sẽ chẳng có ai yêu bạn nếu bạn không tự yêu chính mình.
All the Rules – Bộ sách nổi đình đám trên toàn thế giới với số lượng phát hành lên tới HÀNG TRIỆU bản đã giúp các cô nàng tìm được hướng đi của cuộc đời mình. Các nàng sẽ nhận ra rằng:
Tự lập và biết phớt lờ những mối quan hệ khiến bạn mất thời gian để rồi không đi đến đâu cả.
Tự trọng và tự tôn chính là chìa khóa hấp dẫn đấng mày râu, cũng là một cách sống đầy khí chất.
Luôn luôn có những cách để bạn cân bằng với những mối quan hệ xung quanh, ở tất cả mọi trường hợp. Nếu bạn chưa biết, đó là do bạn chưa đọc All the Rules – Sống bản lĩnh theo cách một quý cô mà thôi.
Chẳng có bất kỳ một cô gái nào muốn mình tự ti, luôn vướng vào những mối quan hệ khiến mình phải day dứt, đau khổ cả. Vậy thì hãy đứng dậy và ngẩng cao đầu. Chỉ cần phía trên còn ánh mặt trời, bạn vẫn còn có cơ hội tỏa sáng.
320 pages, Unknown Binding
First published January 1, 2007
592 people are currently reading
3254 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 318 reviews
March 12, 2009
I think this book has gotten a lot of undeserved bad critique.
OK, OK, about 15% of this book is complete nonsense, and probably about 5% is outdated. However, a good 80% of it is genuinely good advice.
As somebody who lived 25 years of her life being the complete opposite of a "Rules girl" and failing miserably at building healthy romantic relationships, I found myself a little more open-minded than the average person when it came to this book.
Here are some ways in which I think this book succeeds:
- distinction between the ways of men and women: Men and women are fundamentally different - not in terms of equality or worth as human beings, but in the ways they interact, behave and what each is initially attracted to. It's a scientific fact that our brains are wired differently. A man's first impression is primarily VISUAL - they are drawn to pretty girls and bright colors (whether it's a dress, shoes, jewelry, hair is a whole other story). So I don't think there's anything wrong with the suggestion to take care of ourselves so that WE can feel great about ourselves (what the man thinks is only an added bonus). Also, the suggestion to pay attention to what a man does, not what he says... Especially with men, actions do speak louder than words.
- encouraging women to have a life of their own outside the dating world: Yes, the book is written mainly for women who are interested in finding the perfect husband. However, for every time the authors tell you to wait before responding to a man or limit the number of dates you have with him every week, there is an equal amount of effort dedicated to the theme of "don't just say you're busy, BE busy." Obviously it won't be possible to have an engagement every single Friday and Saturday night for the rest of your life (at least, it isn't for me), and sometimes you may have to keep the truth from the guy you're dating to maintain the impression that you're a social butterfly and thus be more appealing to him. I honestly don't see the harm in this: if being alone on a Friday night bothers you, then wouldn't it be even worse to advertise it to the men you're dating? And also: it's really none of his business what you're doing when you're not with him while you're still casually dating.
- the idea of putting long-term goals before short-term gratification: Again, this book is geared primarily towards women who are looking for a long and happy marriage. If that's not you, then this book is not for you. But it's still no reason to trash the book.
- boosting self-confidence: The way I see it, the rules are strung together with a very important thread, and that's the idea of women taking care of themselves, whether it be superficial (physical pampering), spiritual (doing yoga, meditation or anything else that makes YOU feel happy), and social (engaging in healthy romantic relationships). So for everybody who's saying this book is anti-feminist, I'll have to respectfully disagree. "Twilight" is a book about damsels in distress; "The Rules" isn't. The rules simply encourage you to be a challenge for the next guy who comes along, and I see nothing wrong with this. Yes, it really sucks that dating has to be a game, but at least in the beginning I believe that's the truth and everybody who's dying to open up and be honest about EVERYTHING (myself including) just has to suck it up and get through to the next stage...
- "the Rules are not forever": This book is about presentation, not lying. They're not saying you can't be honest about your awkward ugly duckling phase in high school or the fact you're in AA - just not on the first couple dates. And assuming you are taking care of yourself (for yourself), this really doesn't matter in the long run.
Yes, there are a number of spots where it seems like this book contradicts itself (the whole therapist business, the fashion magazines, etc etc), and if you want to nitpick the entire thing as though it's a classic of world literature, you're bound to find many faults. But I don't think that's what this book should be treated as. The biggest messages I got from it were to a) take care of myself (in every way, including not taking risks with the men I let into my life) and b) stop wasting my time and energy over dead-end situations (a message shared with "He's Just Not That Into You"). If these aren't empowering messages, I don't know what is.
Heck, I'd even go as far as to say I'd make my daughter read this, if I ever have a daughter.
OK, OK, about 15% of this book is complete nonsense, and probably about 5% is outdated. However, a good 80% of it is genuinely good advice.
As somebody who lived 25 years of her life being the complete opposite of a "Rules girl" and failing miserably at building healthy romantic relationships, I found myself a little more open-minded than the average person when it came to this book.
Here are some ways in which I think this book succeeds:
- distinction between the ways of men and women: Men and women are fundamentally different - not in terms of equality or worth as human beings, but in the ways they interact, behave and what each is initially attracted to. It's a scientific fact that our brains are wired differently. A man's first impression is primarily VISUAL - they are drawn to pretty girls and bright colors (whether it's a dress, shoes, jewelry, hair is a whole other story). So I don't think there's anything wrong with the suggestion to take care of ourselves so that WE can feel great about ourselves (what the man thinks is only an added bonus). Also, the suggestion to pay attention to what a man does, not what he says... Especially with men, actions do speak louder than words.
- encouraging women to have a life of their own outside the dating world: Yes, the book is written mainly for women who are interested in finding the perfect husband. However, for every time the authors tell you to wait before responding to a man or limit the number of dates you have with him every week, there is an equal amount of effort dedicated to the theme of "don't just say you're busy, BE busy." Obviously it won't be possible to have an engagement every single Friday and Saturday night for the rest of your life (at least, it isn't for me), and sometimes you may have to keep the truth from the guy you're dating to maintain the impression that you're a social butterfly and thus be more appealing to him. I honestly don't see the harm in this: if being alone on a Friday night bothers you, then wouldn't it be even worse to advertise it to the men you're dating? And also: it's really none of his business what you're doing when you're not with him while you're still casually dating.
- the idea of putting long-term goals before short-term gratification: Again, this book is geared primarily towards women who are looking for a long and happy marriage. If that's not you, then this book is not for you. But it's still no reason to trash the book.
- boosting self-confidence: The way I see it, the rules are strung together with a very important thread, and that's the idea of women taking care of themselves, whether it be superficial (physical pampering), spiritual (doing yoga, meditation or anything else that makes YOU feel happy), and social (engaging in healthy romantic relationships). So for everybody who's saying this book is anti-feminist, I'll have to respectfully disagree. "Twilight" is a book about damsels in distress; "The Rules" isn't. The rules simply encourage you to be a challenge for the next guy who comes along, and I see nothing wrong with this. Yes, it really sucks that dating has to be a game, but at least in the beginning I believe that's the truth and everybody who's dying to open up and be honest about EVERYTHING (myself including) just has to suck it up and get through to the next stage...
- "the Rules are not forever": This book is about presentation, not lying. They're not saying you can't be honest about your awkward ugly duckling phase in high school or the fact you're in AA - just not on the first couple dates. And assuming you are taking care of yourself (for yourself), this really doesn't matter in the long run.
Yes, there are a number of spots where it seems like this book contradicts itself (the whole therapist business, the fashion magazines, etc etc), and if you want to nitpick the entire thing as though it's a classic of world literature, you're bound to find many faults. But I don't think that's what this book should be treated as. The biggest messages I got from it were to a) take care of myself (in every way, including not taking risks with the men I let into my life) and b) stop wasting my time and energy over dead-end situations (a message shared with "He's Just Not That Into You"). If these aren't empowering messages, I don't know what is.
Heck, I'd even go as far as to say I'd make my daughter read this, if I ever have a daughter.
September 12, 2007
Long before this book was written my grandmother told me, "why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?" The Rules puts grandma's idea into practice. This is basic, common sense stuff....don't sit around waiting for the phone to ring or be available at the drop of a hat. Get a life, don't bag out on your girlfriends because some guy called, and keep the first few dates short and sweet. Grandma knows best...
May 6, 2014
A few questions:
#1: What person in their right mind would take the abuse of someone not returning their calls? If such a person kept chasing after such a person, doesn't that person have low self esteem, or, he believes in the scarcity of attractive women? Is that what Rules women want?;
#2: If you're always ending calls first, no matter how well the conversation is going, aren't most guys beyond high school going to figure out what you're doing? Aren't most people going to feel you don't care about them if you're ending calls first ALL THE TIME?;
#3: Why are we taking the advice of these people? One of the authors couldn't hold her man and got a divorce. Whether it's one fault or both, seems to me that the author isn't clear on what works and does not work. Likewise, I don't listen to journalists, who make less than 60k, yet give advice on the stock market to make money. Why would I get advice from people who produce far less results than I do? So, I ask why are you getting advice from someone whose own relationship does not produce the listed results?; and
#4: There isn't enough here about tapping a man's ego. If more women did that, instead of hanging up on guys or not returning calls, they might get more results.
Some of the points, like not being super available or talking about yourself only, are valid points. But some of the points in here could screw up your chances with a great guy.
#1: What person in their right mind would take the abuse of someone not returning their calls? If such a person kept chasing after such a person, doesn't that person have low self esteem, or, he believes in the scarcity of attractive women? Is that what Rules women want?;
#2: If you're always ending calls first, no matter how well the conversation is going, aren't most guys beyond high school going to figure out what you're doing? Aren't most people going to feel you don't care about them if you're ending calls first ALL THE TIME?;
#3: Why are we taking the advice of these people? One of the authors couldn't hold her man and got a divorce. Whether it's one fault or both, seems to me that the author isn't clear on what works and does not work. Likewise, I don't listen to journalists, who make less than 60k, yet give advice on the stock market to make money. Why would I get advice from people who produce far less results than I do? So, I ask why are you getting advice from someone whose own relationship does not produce the listed results?; and
#4: There isn't enough here about tapping a man's ego. If more women did that, instead of hanging up on guys or not returning calls, they might get more results.
Some of the points, like not being super available or talking about yourself only, are valid points. But some of the points in here could screw up your chances with a great guy.
December 22, 2008
Didn't look like my kind of book from the get-go but it's been sitting on my desk as a TBR for at least a year so I figured I should at least flip through it.
So I randomly open up to a random page and this is the first thing I read:
"Don't get sloppy about your looks. Continue to exercise. Men don't leave women who put on twenty pounds after the wedding or the first baby, but if you want your fiance or husband to keep drooling over you, keep fit."
Excuse me!?! Am I reading an issue of Cosmo from 1955? Do women really take these "time-tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr. Right" seriously? Wow.
But I can't 1-star a book based on just that. So I've opened up to more random pages.
"Even men who are in love with you and want to marry you will occaisonally say things to irk you or make you nervous, such as, 'I'll take you there if we're still seeing each other next year...you know how relationships go.' Don't get paranoid, just ignore him. Most girls would make a big fuss about it and get mad. Rules girls stay calm when men tease them."
Shut. the. hell. up. I can't take much more of this.
“Now that you know what not to do, what should you do to attract your man on campus?
…….
Eat sensibly….Remember overweight is not The Rules…..
Wear makeup. Read Glamour and other popular fashion magazines…..
Don’t sit in your room alone on Friday and Saturday nights reading Jean-Paul Sartre. Friday and Saturday nights are for mingling. You can read Sartre on Monday…..”
WTF. This is now making me sick to my stomach. Are you seriously telling me if I read Glamour and other fashion magazines, I’ll get a man? Are you KIDDING me!?! Wait. Perhaps they are kidding me. Is this a Satire? Is this book tagged ‘humor’?
Sorry to say, no it isn’t. It says right here on the book’s spine “Advice/Relationships”. *sigh*
What I find most offensive about the above excerpt is the implication that “The Rules” don’t even apply to plus sized ladies. God forbid a fat woman needs advice on how to find a man. She better wear extra makeup and carry around a Chick-Lit book in her back pocket. ‘Cause you know, reading Sartre would kill her chances even more. *rolls eyes*
OK. One more quote and then this book goes in the freebie pile at work.
“Act confident even if you don’t feel it. Notice what kinds of clothes, shoes, bags, jewelry, and hairstyles the most popular kids in high school are wearing. Don’t try to be too different of frugal in this area. You’ll feel lousy, so it’s not worth it. To see what’s hot and not, subscribe to Seventeen and Glamour. Don’t let your mind tell you that this is superficial and beneath you. (Save your mind for final exams and the SATs.) Don’t you like boys who wear Polo shirts and cowboy boots when that’s in fashion? Well, they like girls who wear what’s on MTV and in Seventeen.”
Oh. No. It. Didn’t. Go. There. Yes, girls, don’t think! Your only concern is to be just like everyone else! Wear makeup! Spend all your money on clothes! Read garbage! Focus all your energy on finding a man!
Here’s my advice, for what it’s worth: Act like yourself. Make your own decisions about who you are and what kind of man you want. And if he doesn’t like you because you aren’t a superficial sheep, that is his problem.
In my experience, the second I stopped trying so hard to find someone is when I finally found Mr. Right. Who loves me for the woman I am. And I followed only my own rules. And so should you, sister!
So I randomly open up to a random page and this is the first thing I read:
"Don't get sloppy about your looks. Continue to exercise. Men don't leave women who put on twenty pounds after the wedding or the first baby, but if you want your fiance or husband to keep drooling over you, keep fit."
Excuse me!?! Am I reading an issue of Cosmo from 1955? Do women really take these "time-tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr. Right" seriously? Wow.
But I can't 1-star a book based on just that. So I've opened up to more random pages.
"Even men who are in love with you and want to marry you will occaisonally say things to irk you or make you nervous, such as, 'I'll take you there if we're still seeing each other next year...you know how relationships go.' Don't get paranoid, just ignore him. Most girls would make a big fuss about it and get mad. Rules girls stay calm when men tease them."
Shut. the. hell. up. I can't take much more of this.
“Now that you know what not to do, what should you do to attract your man on campus?
…….
Eat sensibly….Remember overweight is not The Rules…..
Wear makeup. Read Glamour and other popular fashion magazines…..
Don’t sit in your room alone on Friday and Saturday nights reading Jean-Paul Sartre. Friday and Saturday nights are for mingling. You can read Sartre on Monday…..”
WTF. This is now making me sick to my stomach. Are you seriously telling me if I read Glamour and other fashion magazines, I’ll get a man? Are you KIDDING me!?! Wait. Perhaps they are kidding me. Is this a Satire? Is this book tagged ‘humor’?
Sorry to say, no it isn’t. It says right here on the book’s spine “Advice/Relationships”. *sigh*
What I find most offensive about the above excerpt is the implication that “The Rules” don’t even apply to plus sized ladies. God forbid a fat woman needs advice on how to find a man. She better wear extra makeup and carry around a Chick-Lit book in her back pocket. ‘Cause you know, reading Sartre would kill her chances even more. *rolls eyes*
OK. One more quote and then this book goes in the freebie pile at work.
“Act confident even if you don’t feel it. Notice what kinds of clothes, shoes, bags, jewelry, and hairstyles the most popular kids in high school are wearing. Don’t try to be too different of frugal in this area. You’ll feel lousy, so it’s not worth it. To see what’s hot and not, subscribe to Seventeen and Glamour. Don’t let your mind tell you that this is superficial and beneath you. (Save your mind for final exams and the SATs.) Don’t you like boys who wear Polo shirts and cowboy boots when that’s in fashion? Well, they like girls who wear what’s on MTV and in Seventeen.”
Oh. No. It. Didn’t. Go. There. Yes, girls, don’t think! Your only concern is to be just like everyone else! Wear makeup! Spend all your money on clothes! Read garbage! Focus all your energy on finding a man!
Here’s my advice, for what it’s worth: Act like yourself. Make your own decisions about who you are and what kind of man you want. And if he doesn’t like you because you aren’t a superficial sheep, that is his problem.
In my experience, the second I stopped trying so hard to find someone is when I finally found Mr. Right. Who loves me for the woman I am. And I followed only my own rules. And so should you, sister!
August 15, 2017
A coworker recommended this book to me after I had gotten out of a two-year relationship (this was right out of college, when two years is still a significant amount of time). Upon reading it, it turned into my Bible of the dating world.
I have recommended this book to many friends, most of whom have not been nearly so receptive to the message in this book because they don't like being told that they have to hold back and let the man come to you.
This book, to me, drilled two central themes into the reader: (1) If a man is not smitten with you, move on.
(2) Don't always make yourself available for men, keep yourself busy.
This book does take a very extreme approach to dating, but I think it does so with the recognition that readers will not absolutely follow the book to the letter. For example, if you tell the reader "Don't ever call a man," most readers are still going to go ahead and call men, but the book makes them think twice about why they want to call.
Anyways, my recommendation? Give it a read, try it out, and see what you think of the results before dismissing it offhand. You might be surprised at your success. I was.
I have recommended this book to many friends, most of whom have not been nearly so receptive to the message in this book because they don't like being told that they have to hold back and let the man come to you.
This book, to me, drilled two central themes into the reader: (1) If a man is not smitten with you, move on.
(2) Don't always make yourself available for men, keep yourself busy.
This book does take a very extreme approach to dating, but I think it does so with the recognition that readers will not absolutely follow the book to the letter. For example, if you tell the reader "Don't ever call a man," most readers are still going to go ahead and call men, but the book makes them think twice about why they want to call.
Anyways, my recommendation? Give it a read, try it out, and see what you think of the results before dismissing it offhand. You might be surprised at your success. I was.
January 13, 2009
Okay, I have heard and read so much negative feedback for this book, and I will admit... some of the rules seem rather stupid.
BUT... at least 85 percent of them work, and at least 95 percent of them are common sense.
They are all but impossible to follow, they are depressing, they are frustrating, and they suck.
BUT... so does dieting. And there is no better way to lose weight.
So, maybe... just because it sucks doesn't mean it doesn't work.
I have applied this book to my relationships for years, and it has helped me get into relationships, get guys back, and finally, keep one. :)
Open up your mind, and give it a try. I promise you won't regret it.
BUT... at least 85 percent of them work, and at least 95 percent of them are common sense.
They are all but impossible to follow, they are depressing, they are frustrating, and they suck.
BUT... so does dieting. And there is no better way to lose weight.
So, maybe... just because it sucks doesn't mean it doesn't work.
I have applied this book to my relationships for years, and it has helped me get into relationships, get guys back, and finally, keep one. :)
Open up your mind, and give it a try. I promise you won't regret it.
August 12, 2007
Yeeeah. After hearing the authors' discuss this book on Oprah or The View or some other gyno-centric talk show, I kind of suspected The Rules would send me into a killing rage. I was right.
On the upside, I knew my husband was the one for me when he read it and proclaimed it a "stupid guide for assholes". I love you, honey.
On the upside, I knew my husband was the one for me when he read it and proclaimed it a "stupid guide for assholes". I love you, honey.
March 25, 2009
If you don't mind reading something extraordinarily creepy, The Rules is actually a hilarious book. I couldn't put it down!
I assumed that I would have broken every single rule in the book repeatedly. Not so. Each rule fell into two camps: one that I did the exact opposite of (Don't talk too much) and stuff that I actually did (Don't call him and rarely return his calls). The stuff I got right though, wasn't because I'm a "Rules Girl" it's because I'm an asshole.
The thing is, this book has some truths. It's not ALL bad. The authors have sound advice for women that are like so desperate for a boyfriend that they have abandoned all other aspects of their lives and go to extreme desperate measures to stalk any man that looks at them twice. The message to them is, "Men are competitive and will do anything they can to get a woman they want. If he wants you, you shouldn't have to do a thing. Stop over-analyzing everything and freaking out. Just focus being a better you."
The authors assume that every woman is a psycho man hunter, and also that their relationship goals involve the following (I think that's what this list is, anyway. It was somewhat randomly included without much explanation why, under "Rule #33: Do The Rules and You'll Live Happily Ever After!" which just seems confusing to me, anyway:)
• When you are seated at a booth in a restaurant, he slides over and sits next to you.
• He sends you roses after sex.
• He writes love notes or poetry for you and tapes them on the refrigerator door.
• He gets angry when you don't pay attention to him. He wants your constant attention.
• He is always ready to make up after a fight. What kind of pussy is "always ready to make up"?
• He gets involved in every aspect of your life.
• When you have a cold or become ill, he still wants to be with you.
• He always wants the phone number of where you are so he can get in touch with you. (This is like what abusers do to their battered wives.)
• He doesn't like it when you go to bachelorette parties. I'm sorry, there's a problem here.
The list is much longer, but you get the idea. (I underlined the most terrifying stuff.)
Of course, some of the rules are just plain bad. And those are the best (= worst):
• Before he comes to your apartment, tuck this book away, hide in the closet anything you don't want him to see, such as a bottle of Prozac.
• When writing a personal ad, don't try to be different. Remember, he has a lot of other letters to read. End the note by saying something like, "Well, I'm off to my aerobics class. Hope to hear form you soon." Keep it light!
• In High School: Go to the beach, not in your room dwelling on your flaws or quoting Sylvia Plath. Don't chew gum and cackle. Seem self-contained even if you're lonely and bored to death. Notice what kinds of clothes, shoes, bags, jewelry, and hairstyles the most popular kids are wearing. Don't try to be too different or frugal in this area. To see what's hot and not, subscribe to Seventeen and Glamour. Don't you like boys who wear Polo shirts and cowboy boots when that's in fashion?
• Remember, overweight is not The Rules.
• Don't sit in your room alone on Friday and Saturday nights reading Jean-Paul Sartre.
• Don't go away with a man for a week. Save it for your honeymoon! You might act too wifey -- telling him to watch his fat intake or giving him advice about a family or business problem.
To add to the book's charm, the authors have pretty much included the phrase "The Rules" in every other sentence, and about one third of the sentences end with a "!" Fortunately, the text is not pink and the i's are not dotted with hearts. That's about the only difference between this book and a 1950's teen's diary.
I assumed that I would have broken every single rule in the book repeatedly. Not so. Each rule fell into two camps: one that I did the exact opposite of (Don't talk too much) and stuff that I actually did (Don't call him and rarely return his calls). The stuff I got right though, wasn't because I'm a "Rules Girl" it's because I'm an asshole.
The thing is, this book has some truths. It's not ALL bad. The authors have sound advice for women that are like so desperate for a boyfriend that they have abandoned all other aspects of their lives and go to extreme desperate measures to stalk any man that looks at them twice. The message to them is, "Men are competitive and will do anything they can to get a woman they want. If he wants you, you shouldn't have to do a thing. Stop over-analyzing everything and freaking out. Just focus being a better you."
The authors assume that every woman is a psycho man hunter, and also that their relationship goals involve the following (I think that's what this list is, anyway. It was somewhat randomly included without much explanation why, under "Rule #33: Do The Rules and You'll Live Happily Ever After!" which just seems confusing to me, anyway:)
• When you are seated at a booth in a restaurant, he slides over and sits next to you.
• He sends you roses after sex.
• He writes love notes or poetry for you and tapes them on the refrigerator door.
• He gets angry when you don't pay attention to him. He wants your constant attention.
• He is always ready to make up after a fight. What kind of pussy is "always ready to make up"?
• He gets involved in every aspect of your life.
• When you have a cold or become ill, he still wants to be with you.
• He always wants the phone number of where you are so he can get in touch with you. (This is like what abusers do to their battered wives.)
• He doesn't like it when you go to bachelorette parties. I'm sorry, there's a problem here.
The list is much longer, but you get the idea. (I underlined the most terrifying stuff.)
Of course, some of the rules are just plain bad. And those are the best (= worst):
• Before he comes to your apartment, tuck this book away, hide in the closet anything you don't want him to see, such as a bottle of Prozac.
• When writing a personal ad, don't try to be different. Remember, he has a lot of other letters to read. End the note by saying something like, "Well, I'm off to my aerobics class. Hope to hear form you soon." Keep it light!
• In High School: Go to the beach, not in your room dwelling on your flaws or quoting Sylvia Plath. Don't chew gum and cackle. Seem self-contained even if you're lonely and bored to death. Notice what kinds of clothes, shoes, bags, jewelry, and hairstyles the most popular kids are wearing. Don't try to be too different or frugal in this area. To see what's hot and not, subscribe to Seventeen and Glamour. Don't you like boys who wear Polo shirts and cowboy boots when that's in fashion?
• Remember, overweight is not The Rules.
• Don't sit in your room alone on Friday and Saturday nights reading Jean-Paul Sartre.
• Don't go away with a man for a week. Save it for your honeymoon! You might act too wifey -- telling him to watch his fat intake or giving him advice about a family or business problem.
To add to the book's charm, the authors have pretty much included the phrase "The Rules" in every other sentence, and about one third of the sentences end with a "!" Fortunately, the text is not pink and the i's are not dotted with hearts. That's about the only difference between this book and a 1950's teen's diary.
September 13, 2012
I read this book on the suggestion of a friend. We were talking about her recent break-up and she referenced the book as if anyone in her right mind would have read it, and I had never heard of it. So, I bought it on my Kindle that night expecting to get some romantic wisdom of the ages.
What I found instead was "a total mindfuck", as they say. The book is geared toward women and basically tells us to fake disinterest so men will love us more. I'm sure this strategy works in many cases, but it just didn't sit well with me. I believe there needs to be a strategy in dating just like all parts of life require a strategy, formal or informal. But when the strategy is basically to deceive the other person, it feels wrong.
Also, I told my boyfriend about the book and how it suggests that women always wear make up, even to the gym. For a while, every time we left the house, he would ask "are you wearing make up?" I think he was worried that the book had changed me.
In the end, I thought it was a waste of brain space to finish the book so I stopped about a quarter of the way in.
ps: it is the 803rd most highlighted book on Amazon. Dear Jesus help us women.
What I found instead was "a total mindfuck", as they say. The book is geared toward women and basically tells us to fake disinterest so men will love us more. I'm sure this strategy works in many cases, but it just didn't sit well with me. I believe there needs to be a strategy in dating just like all parts of life require a strategy, formal or informal. But when the strategy is basically to deceive the other person, it feels wrong.
Also, I told my boyfriend about the book and how it suggests that women always wear make up, even to the gym. For a while, every time we left the house, he would ask "are you wearing make up?" I think he was worried that the book had changed me.
In the end, I thought it was a waste of brain space to finish the book so I stopped about a quarter of the way in.
ps: it is the 803rd most highlighted book on Amazon. Dear Jesus help us women.
February 8, 2013
While some might find the suggested applications of Rules to be archaic, the value of them lies in the main messages: Respect yourself and don't clientele with people who don't respect you. Treat yourself as you would have others treat you. Take a little pride in your appearance to boost your self-esteem. Be pleasant and don't sleep around. Quit fighting the fact that men and women have some fundamental differences, both socially and sexually. Watch out for the signs that a man is only after your cookie. Don't degrade yourself or let others degrade you. Acknowledge the signs that things are or aren't meant to be. If only all little girls (and boys, for that matter) got these messages from their parents!
December 20, 2008
This book was horrible. If you read my updates (not sure if you can) I loved the book in the beginning. It talked about not making yourself too available for a man and let him do the chasing. Then it said things like if you aren't happy with your nose, get a nose job because you are trying to please men and find a husband. WHAT? They contradicted themselves a lot. In the first section of it, it said do not talk to your therapist about "the rules" because they will basically view you as conniving and playing games with men, but then in the second section they changed their minds and said you can discuss it with your therapist. They told you to be evasive when answering certain questions with men, but then said be honest. They said after being married, try to understand his point of view more and realize he's not always going to understand yours but you should try your hardest to understand his and never raise your voice with him. Basically all of a sudden they say be submissive, but then switch it up again and say continue to play games with your husband.
After the first 20 chapters, I eventually started skipping thru the book because I could see how bad it was. After about page 150, I decided I was completely done reading it.
After the first 20 chapters, I eventually started skipping thru the book because I could see how bad it was. After about page 150, I decided I was completely done reading it.
May 17, 2021
#2020ReadingChallenge
#5.5diem2sao
Bí kíp tán trai dành cho những cô gái thông minh, hay cách để trở thành bad girl thiệt sang chảnh.
Thực tình, đọc xong rồi và mình vẫn chả hiểu sao một thằng con trai, lại đi đọc cuốn này chi nữa, để giang hồ hiểu nhầm mình. Nhưng ngẫm kĩ lại, hiểu rõ các chiêu tán trai, thì mới bắt được mấy trò của mấy cô chứ nhỉ, haha.
Cuốn sách gồm 35 nguyên tắc, hay gọi là The Rules, với những nguyên tắc khá nghiêm ngặt làm sao để trở thành một cô gái thật hấp dẫn và thu hút trong mắt bọn con trai, làm sao để chắc chắn chàng trở thành rể nhà mình. Đọc xong mà mình cũng thấy hơi rét, haha.
Tuy nhiên, nguyên tắc thì cũng chỉ là nguyên tắc, chẳng thể nào đúng với tất cả mọi cô gái được. Nhưng cuốn sách lại cứ đi khẳng định kiểu, những nguyên tắc này như là Kinh thánh, phải nhất nhất nghe theo bất chấp điều gì chăng nữa. Quả thực, mình là mình hổng ưng bụng lắm rồi á.
Tuy nhiên, nếu áp dụng một cách linh hoạt, các cô gái có thể trở nên hấp dẫn hơn rất nhiều. Quả như có áp dụng để tán mình, mình sẽ giả vờ hông biết và vẫn rơi vào lưới tình thôi, haha.
Xem thêm những bài viết khác của mình tại
https://thuvienthaodien.wordpress.com/
-------------------------
BÌNH TĨNH KHI Ế, MẠNH MẼ KHI YÊU (1995)
Tác giả: Ellen Fein
Thủ Đức, 21.09.2021
#5.5diem2sao
Bí kíp tán trai dành cho những cô gái thông minh, hay cách để trở thành bad girl thiệt sang chảnh.
Thực tình, đọc xong rồi và mình vẫn chả hiểu sao một thằng con trai, lại đi đọc cuốn này chi nữa, để giang hồ hiểu nhầm mình. Nhưng ngẫm kĩ lại, hiểu rõ các chiêu tán trai, thì mới bắt được mấy trò của mấy cô chứ nhỉ, haha.
Cuốn sách gồm 35 nguyên tắc, hay gọi là The Rules, với những nguyên tắc khá nghiêm ngặt làm sao để trở thành một cô gái thật hấp dẫn và thu hút trong mắt bọn con trai, làm sao để chắc chắn chàng trở thành rể nhà mình. Đọc xong mà mình cũng thấy hơi rét, haha.
Tuy nhiên, nguyên tắc thì cũng chỉ là nguyên tắc, chẳng thể nào đúng với tất cả mọi cô gái được. Nhưng cuốn sách lại cứ đi khẳng định kiểu, những nguyên tắc này như là Kinh thánh, phải nhất nhất nghe theo bất chấp điều gì chăng nữa. Quả thực, mình là mình hổng ưng bụng lắm rồi á.
Tuy nhiên, nếu áp dụng một cách linh hoạt, các cô gái có thể trở nên hấp dẫn hơn rất nhiều. Quả như có áp dụng để tán mình, mình sẽ giả vờ hông biết và vẫn rơi vào lưới tình thôi, haha.
Xem thêm những bài viết khác của mình tại
https://thuvienthaodien.wordpress.com/
-------------------------
BÌNH TĨNH KHI Ế, MẠNH MẼ KHI YÊU (1995)
Tác giả: Ellen Fein
Thủ Đức, 21.09.2021
July 15, 2009
Also a life-changing book! This one takes getting used. I realized that I do almost the exact opposite of everything this book tells you to do. SO it took me a bit to get used to switching the way I think about dating. What I love about the book is that it reminds women how amazing we are and that it's not too much to ask a guy to work a little harder to win us over! BECAUSE WE'RE WORTH IT!
December 6, 2016
Read it. Read it again. Give it to every young and/or single woman you know.
There is nothing worse than watching a man you're crazy about lose interest and start running away. Make it stop happening.
There is nothing worse than watching a man you're crazy about lose interest and start running away. Make it stop happening.
June 3, 2009
Otherwise known as, "How to manipulate the man of your dreams into resenting you for the rest of your life."
February 27, 2024
Hear me out! I think we should consider some of these ideas again.
As with many things, I think people simplify and purposely misunderstand this book. They say it's sexist, it's playing games, it's regressive, etc, etc. If you read this book line by line, follow it to a tee, and fail to consider that it was written in the strange and transitional time of the 90s, yes, it has a lot of weird stuff. But I think anyone reading this book today has the knowledge to know what to take and what to ignore.
At its core, this book intends to save women time and heartbreak. It urges women not to be desperate and to fill their lives with things they care about so men aren't the main thing that takes up their time. It also forbids women from wasting their time chasing men, making excuses for men, giving men endless love and favors, playing mother, playing therapist, and alllll the things that women do to try and get men to like them. Who does this benefit? Men! I don't see it as "anti-feminist" to go against this habit.
With some nuance and critical thinking in your hip pocket, this book can be a really helpful read. I'm looking forward to more fully incorporating *most* of these Rules into my dating life.
Edit a week later:
Here are some lessons from this book that I like the most for future reference.
1. Don't relentlessly pursue men.
2. Don't think that playing mom/therapist for men will make them like you.
3. Don't have sex with men to make them like you.
4. Don't pretend to be busy, be busy so dating isn't the first thing on your mind.
5. Only date men you're very attracted to.
etc etc
As with many things, I think people simplify and purposely misunderstand this book. They say it's sexist, it's playing games, it's regressive, etc, etc. If you read this book line by line, follow it to a tee, and fail to consider that it was written in the strange and transitional time of the 90s, yes, it has a lot of weird stuff. But I think anyone reading this book today has the knowledge to know what to take and what to ignore.
At its core, this book intends to save women time and heartbreak. It urges women not to be desperate and to fill their lives with things they care about so men aren't the main thing that takes up their time. It also forbids women from wasting their time chasing men, making excuses for men, giving men endless love and favors, playing mother, playing therapist, and alllll the things that women do to try and get men to like them. Who does this benefit? Men! I don't see it as "anti-feminist" to go against this habit.
With some nuance and critical thinking in your hip pocket, this book can be a really helpful read. I'm looking forward to more fully incorporating *most* of these Rules into my dating life.
Edit a week later:
Here are some lessons from this book that I like the most for future reference.
1. Don't relentlessly pursue men.
2. Don't think that playing mom/therapist for men will make them like you.
3. Don't have sex with men to make them like you.
4. Don't pretend to be busy, be busy so dating isn't the first thing on your mind.
5. Only date men you're very attracted to.
etc etc
Read
March 8, 2023Thank you Diane
February 18, 2009
I would recommend this to any woman/teenager who is actively dating that would put aside their skepticism on "old-fashioned" methods of dating or how cheesy the title may sound long enough to check this out.
Overall, I've found through semantic knowledge and a couple of experiences that the main message of the book is true far more often than not.
As well as helpful in understanding the dynamics on dating and proper nurturing of a long-term relationship/marriage, it's also an interesting look at the psychology of men, women and courtship.
Overall, I've found through semantic knowledge and a couple of experiences that the main message of the book is true far more often than not.
As well as helpful in understanding the dynamics on dating and proper nurturing of a long-term relationship/marriage, it's also an interesting look at the psychology of men, women and courtship.
March 13, 2018
Absurdly misogynistic.
May 24, 2009
um, so, THIS book.... sometimes it makes sense, like when it tells you that good self esteem is attractive, or not to treat your date like a therapist and tell him your life story. however, marriage as the ultimate goal and the driving force behind every dating decision starts to be hard to stomach: "if you've been engaged for more than a year and he's nervous about setting a date, consider moving on - he might not be mr. right and rules girls don't waste time!" honestly? it seems so callous, i guess is why it bothered me particularly. there is nothing wrong with wanting to get married, and certainly the book's basis (that a successful relationship acknowledges the biological roles of pursuer and pursued) makes some sense, but the particulars of "the rules," especially in the second book, made me feel sick. it's an interesting read, but i do admit that i only skimmed the last 100 pages or so - besides getting bored, i was also a little disturbed by that point.
December 22, 2019
Các luật cho việc hẹn hò được nói trong sách nghe qua tuy có vẻ hà khắc với phụ nữ hiện đại, đặc biệt là phụ nữ phương Tây, nhưng so ra chẳng là gì với luật của các cụ hồi xưa. Mình nhớ hay được bà Ngoại kể hồi xưa ông Ngoại thấy thích bà Ngoại chỉ dám tò tò đi theo quan sát lúc đầu thôi. Sau đó muốn nói chuyện nhiều hơn phải tới tận nhà xin phép ông cố cho con làm quen em nhà, rồi mới được phép hẹn hò. Rồi khi hẹn hò mỗi người đứng một góc, chàng bứt lá, nàng bẻ hoa, nói chuyện vài câu rồi ai về nhà nấy, và phải về trước giờ giới nghiêm nữa cơ. Nói chung là yêu theo kiểu "ông bà anh" mộc mạc giản dị vậy đó, nhưng lại hiệu quả! Thế mới thấy ông bà ta hồi xưa đã hiểu rõ tâm lý của 2 giới ra sao, các luật lệ truyền thống đều có lý do của riêng nó, và nếu chịu tìm hiểu kỹ, thật thật kỹ, sẽ thấy nó hay vô cùng.
August 13, 2020
Các lời khuyên trong sách nên được hiểu khách quan không định kiến:
1. The Rules không thể giúp người đàn ông không yêu bạn trở nên yêu bạn, mà chỉ giúp người đàn ông yêu bạn và phù hợp với bạn không chạy mất dép, mà sẽ ở lại, cưới bạn, chăm sóc và chung thủy với bạn.
2. The Rules không bắt bạn phải sống giả dối, giấu diếm bản thân, mà là kiềm chếviệc thỏa mãn nhất thời vì những lợi ích lâu dài, bộc lộ bản thân từ từ để đàn ông hiểu và chấp nhận.
3. The Rules không bắt bạn xa cách với đàn ông, mà là học cách tự lập, yêu và chăm sóc bản thân, để cho đàn ông không gian riêng và quyền quyết định, quyền chinh phục, vì đó là bản năng của họ.
1. The Rules không thể giúp người đàn ông không yêu bạn trở nên yêu bạn, mà chỉ giúp người đàn ông yêu bạn và phù hợp với bạn không chạy mất dép, mà sẽ ở lại, cưới bạn, chăm sóc và chung thủy với bạn.
2. The Rules không bắt bạn phải sống giả dối, giấu diếm bản thân, mà là kiềm chếviệc thỏa mãn nhất thời vì những lợi ích lâu dài, bộc lộ bản thân từ từ để đàn ông hiểu và chấp nhận.
3. The Rules không bắt bạn xa cách với đàn ông, mà là học cách tự lập, yêu và chăm sóc bản thân, để cho đàn ông không gian riêng và quyền quyết định, quyền chinh phục, vì đó là bản năng của họ.
April 9, 2013
If you are a girl (yes, guys should look elsewhere... Or there shouldn't be any guys reading this review lol) and feel a bit miserable about relationship, this book gives you some insights into how the game of love works. I have used some of the tricks, they worked!
After all, it is about being mysterious and contain yourself like a sexy piece of unsolved puzzle... But the thing is - how can you remain your image as a sexy animal when you are indeed a girl who likes to sit in the sofa, eat chips and watch gossip girl for the whole day?
After all, it is about being mysterious and contain yourself like a sexy piece of unsolved puzzle... But the thing is - how can you remain your image as a sexy animal when you are indeed a girl who likes to sit in the sofa, eat chips and watch gossip girl for the whole day?
February 2, 2019
Thật ra trên diễn đàn hót quá nên mua về đọc. Tác giả dịch lời văn còn thô, chữ nghĩa cũng chẳng mượt mà,. Một quyển sách đơn giản với quan điểm bình thường. Thật ra nội dung cũng chẳng phong phú và mới mẻ nhưng phụ nữ mà... Căn bản vẫn là k qhtd sớm, đừng quan tâm đến a ta thái quá, k nhắc về gd cứoi xin, sống cuộc sống của mình. Vậy thôi. Đơn giản là phụ nữ cứ bị đau mãi trong tình yêu. Chúng ta cần ng yêu và ai cũng thế, chỉ là phản ứng của nam và nữ khác nhau sau khi sảy ra qhtd thôi. Yêu bản thân m trước. Đơn giản thôi mà
Read
July 20, 2022omg I cannot believed I never logged this. one of the funnest books to read
March 10, 2025
i DEVOURED this… clearly i’m fed up
January 5, 2024
Ma read this to me when I was 13. Safe to say this is the most batshit insane dating book on the market. One of the rules is to not tell your therapist about the book, because « they’ll question the dishonest and manipulative nature of the advice ». Yeah.
April 2, 2015
I read a couple of relationship books before that criticize the rules in a subtle way ,that you shouldn't follow any rules to get the man you really love but may be it's not about "the rules" or mind games but about the psychology of men that they are like hunters,so to speak.Men want a challenge and to pursue what they really want,men don't like things easy ,that spells Boring to them . Even from astrological point of view ,all men are different while some are freedom loving ,want too much space and love independent women ,other men like women who are dependent on them and like too much togetherness,it is about knowing your type of man but if there is one thing they all have in common ,they want to be challenged ,to work hard to get you instead of things seem too easy that they got bored or disinterested!
The rules book is about sticking to some rules until you get a man to propose or marry you and then you can let go of the rules and be yourself !!
in other words you have to get him hooked first before revealing your true self.
It seems like rules to be followed or a game on the surface but actually it's about understanding the psychology of men that they love a challenge so be a challenge!
The most important rule or advice in the book really is that you should take care of yourself and have your own hobbies and passions that you wont make a man the center of your universe or would get clingy ,needy and desperate if he doesn't call,it is about getting a life but every girl should do this not for the sake of getting married but becoz she really loves herself enough to take care of herself .what i didn't like about this book is that you have to apply the rules just for the sake of getting married not for the sake of improving your self to be more disciplined or confident and also it seems like manipulation hiding your true self ,with the right person i think you wont need any "rules"!
All in all, it's good book with some good advices but i also believe rules are made to be broken ,take from it the good rules that suits you and leave the rest .highly recommend it for women
The rules book is about sticking to some rules until you get a man to propose or marry you and then you can let go of the rules and be yourself !!
in other words you have to get him hooked first before revealing your true self.
It seems like rules to be followed or a game on the surface but actually it's about understanding the psychology of men that they love a challenge so be a challenge!
The most important rule or advice in the book really is that you should take care of yourself and have your own hobbies and passions that you wont make a man the center of your universe or would get clingy ,needy and desperate if he doesn't call,it is about getting a life but every girl should do this not for the sake of getting married but becoz she really loves herself enough to take care of herself .what i didn't like about this book is that you have to apply the rules just for the sake of getting married not for the sake of improving your self to be more disciplined or confident and also it seems like manipulation hiding your true self ,with the right person i think you wont need any "rules"!
All in all, it's good book with some good advices but i also believe rules are made to be broken ,take from it the good rules that suits you and leave the rest .highly recommend it for women
May 20, 2009
In recent years, an entire genre of literature has developed around dating, both for men and women. What is particularly interesting is to compare them. One only has to look at the titles to see how different they purport to be. Ellen Fein's "The Rules" helps women find Mr. Right. David DeAngelo's "Double your Dating" promises to help guys get more action. Are these books at odds with each other? If you go below the surface, you'll actually find that they have a shared understanding of the world.
Throughout time and across cultures, men have played the role of "pursuers". Women play the role of the "pursued". We can protest and lament this situation, but that doesn't change the facts. What these authors do, then, rather than to fight against stereotypes, is to advise women (or men) to play these roles to the best of their ability, in order to get the person they desire. Both books tend to exaggerate a little bit, but they both contain a great deal of wisdom. Common to both is the importance for a woman (or man) to be self-confident and emotionally independent before hoping to have success with members of the other sex. This advice falls in line with the saying, "The key to a great relationship is when your love for each other is greater than your need for each other." The world of relationships is a strange and confusing one-- women and men would benefit from reading both of these, not just the book that was "designed" for them.
Throughout time and across cultures, men have played the role of "pursuers". Women play the role of the "pursued". We can protest and lament this situation, but that doesn't change the facts. What these authors do, then, rather than to fight against stereotypes, is to advise women (or men) to play these roles to the best of their ability, in order to get the person they desire. Both books tend to exaggerate a little bit, but they both contain a great deal of wisdom. Common to both is the importance for a woman (or man) to be self-confident and emotionally independent before hoping to have success with members of the other sex. This advice falls in line with the saying, "The key to a great relationship is when your love for each other is greater than your need for each other." The world of relationships is a strange and confusing one-- women and men would benefit from reading both of these, not just the book that was "designed" for them.
June 12, 2023
I have no idea why my 11th grade English teacher made us read this pile of dogshit. It's so contrary to everything someone should be learning/thinking about. It's so manipulative, untrue to both the women reading it and their partners, and a recipe for losing one's soul. Disgusting. I was so mad at it that I ranted in class for like 3 minutes nonstop, and I stand by that, many years later. Thank God this has lost favour. This is like a female version of Neil Strauss's The Game, equally evil with a slight variation in its goal (marriage instead of one-time hookups).
Displaying 1 - 30 of 318 reviews