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Navigating Polarities: Using Both/And Thinking to Lead Transformation
How do you do two seemingly opposite things at once? How can you be candid and diplomatic, provide structure and flexibility, keep things stable and lead change, and focus on organizational interests while simultaneously doing what's best for employees? Many approach these polarities with either/or thinking, but leaders, teams, and organizations that navigate them using a both/and mindset significantly outperform those who don't. The trick is knowing how.
In their work with thousands of people across the globe, Brian Emerson and Kelly Lewis have seen the tension and stress polarities can create in relationships, teams, and in organizations. In this book, they share the practical tools to transform that tension into a positive driving force by expanding either/or thinking to include a both/and mindset.
In their work with thousands of people across the globe, Brian Emerson and Kelly Lewis have seen the tension and stress polarities can create in relationships, teams, and in organizations. In this book, they share the practical tools to transform that tension into a positive driving force by expanding either/or thinking to include a both/and mindset.
184 pages, Paperback
Published October 15, 2019
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264 people want to read
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April 7, 2025Emerson, B. & Lewis, K. (2019). Navigating polarities: Using both/and thinking to lead transformation. Washington, DC: Paradoxical Press.
👨🏻🏫✍🏼Polarities facing teachers & authors:
•breadth v depth
•practical v theoretical
•fast v slow
- p. 4
🔢Chapter outlines:
1️⃣ impact on human systems
2️⃣ predictability; creative tension (Third Way) thru vulnerability & courage
3️⃣ Polarity Navigator how-to
4️⃣ five steps of navigating (high-level examples)
5️⃣ understand if something is resulting from one
6️⃣ how they impact personal/human systems change
- p. 5
💈Polarity: When two interdependent yet contradictory states are maintained for success over time (e.g. bottomline v environment, hardline v diplomatic, collaborative v competitive, open flexibility v structured processes, customisation v standardisation - p. 8-9
Common polarities:
•organisations: structure v flexibility, employee v company, continuity v change, (de)centralisation, short v long term
•leadership: confidence v humility, task v relationship, implement v plan
•life: work v rest, (dis)contentment, reality v hope, save v spend- p. 10
As the pendulum swings, we need sustainable long-term solutions, as the pendulum will swing back soon. - p. 12
Both/and thinking supplements either/or thinking, not replaces it. - p. 13
Polarities aren’t 🆕:
•East: yin v yang ☯️
•West: universe composed of opposites 🌌
•✝️religions: justice v mercy, law v grace
•👩❤️👨culture: masculinity v feminism, individual v collective
- p. 14
Difficulty with Both/And Thinking:
•🧠evolutionarily, the brain had to quickly assess safety v danger
•🏴English lacks vocabulary to harmonise opposite states (e.g. nut+bolt=?)
•⬛️⬜️adult development stage theory: binary predisposition
- p. 15-18
👓 We should make polarities the object, rather than making us subject to them. This makes us aware of the lenses with which we see the world. - p. 18
👍🏼 Benefits of understanding polarities: career success, exceptional leadership, high performance, organisational success - p. 19
Suffering paradox: inferior results, decreased morale, hampered communication, damaged relationships
1. Preferencing
2. Attaching
3. Othering
4. Either/Or-ing
- p. 20
🧭Navigating paradox: better results, improved morale, richer communication, stronger relationships
1. Mapping: sense-making
2. Divining: fuller picture of past, present, future
3. Synergising: understanding self, other, we
4. Both/And-ing: assumes both polarities are needed for success
- p. 23
💈How polarities work:
•We prefer one pole over the other.
•This leads us to see diagonals, where we tolerate a pole’s overuses for its benefits.
•We need vulnerability to navigate to the Transformational Third Way.
- p. 50
Polarity Navigator:
1. Differentiates poles
2. Reintegrate poles
3. Name vulnerability
4. Identify action steps
- p. 52
🗺️ Polarity Navigator as sense-making map:
•paradox cognition
•involves stakeholders
•Huff & Jenkins’ requirements for complexity
1. Visual model
2. Territorial domains
3. Nomenclature
4. 2+ simultaneous relationships
5. We can place ourselves in the mapped domain…
6. … and make mental movements through the map
- p. 52-54
🔀 Process:
1. Pole names
2. Benefits & overuses
3. Transformational Third Way: reintegrate poles to reharmonise
4. Vulnerability Throughway: identify risk & courage needed
5. Strategies: action steps
- p. 56
Creating pole names📛:
•neutrality
•pick a name first; modify it later
•cluster terms into a pole in a key
- p. 57-59
Benefits & Overuses:
•equality of benefits & overuses per pole
•consider each quadrant in isolation
•provide reasons if there’re identical items for increased detail to clarify values
•order doesn’t matter, but most do the infinity loop
•flip back & forth between poles to increase engagement & reduce tension
- p. 61-65
🎞️Transformational Third Way
•poles: honours differences, reintegrates both, eliminates neither
•requires experience (not logic nor actions), subtlety, simplicity
•uses metaphors or original names/concepts
•Be = Third Way; Do = strategies
- p. 67-73
Triggers that pull us away from the vulnerability throughway:
•losing identity
•becoming what we fear
•uneasy about the unknown
•judgment from the like-minded
- p. 78
Vulnerabilities’ different types & depths:
•different for everyone
•agreement isn’t necessary; capture them all
•varies in depth
•might be similar to overuses
•differentiate real risks & assumptions
- p. 80-81
Creating strategies:
1. Brainstorm creatively on another piece of paper
2. Prioritise what’s beneficial & realistic
3. Check & agree that the strategies would lead to outcomes
4. Specify who’ll do what by when
5. Ensure accountability & follow-through
- p. 84-85
Strategies:
• try small actions, see how they go, and adjust as needed
• ensure actions from both poles balance out in moving toward the Third Way
• Start-Stop-Continue-Modify
• do something rather than do nothing for fear of doing it imperfectly
- p. 85-89
5️⃣ steps to navigate polarities:
1. 🔎Analyse to See: Problem or polarity?
2. 🗺️Map to Understand: Benefits & Overuses
3. 🧭Explore to Connect: Third Way & Vulnerability
4. 💗Act to Expand: Strategies & Actions
5. 🖥️Monitor to Discern: Watch & Adjust
- p. 92
🔎Analyse to See, 1️⃣/5️⃣:
• problem or polarity?
• most important & difficult step
• requires benefits of both poles for success
• results from overusing a pole
- p. 92-93
🗺️Map to Understand, 2️⃣/5️⃣:
• include stakeholders
• name benefits & overuses
• objectify polarities
• dialogue to make meaning
- p. 95
🧭Explore to Connect, 3️⃣/5️⃣:
• reintegrating poles after differentiating
• visualising the experience if both poles exist simultaneously
• connecting deeply to a vision
• identifying what feels risky & embracing the vulnerability
• increasing understanding & sense to navigate effectively
• robust & sustainable strategies
- p. 95-96
💗Act to Expand, 4️⃣/5️⃣:
• intentional action over time
• based on standing in the Third Way & stepping into the Vulnerability Throughway
• platform for action
• strategies should be realistic & drive accountability
• may need project tracker, agendas, or schedules
- p. 96-97
🖥️Monitor to Discern, 5️⃣/5️⃣:
• manage polarities through integration over time
• revisit Navigator to discern progress & next steps
• discuss with stakeholders for multiple perspectives
• long-term success
• courage to question & be honest
• ongoing process to value all perspectives & commit to dialogue
- p. 97-98
Don’t simply transfer opposites to the other diagonal; discuss each quadrant separately and check the opposites later. - p. 107
Include other stakeholders in retreats e.g. PSG, SAC; if they can’t come, they should vet the map lens. - p. 109-110
Third Way is more doing than being, and will not always be equally weighted. However, getting more X without losing Y might seem utopian and result in effort inflation. - p. 114
Facilitating groups:
• Shared visual: Writing looks less formalized (compared to typing) and so keeps people creative
• Populating the map: Allow groups to rotate & populate the quadrants in four corners of a room, perhaps summarizing with an image
• Third Way: metaphor, made-up word/phrase
• Think-Pair-Square: personal to group vulnerabilities
- p. 115-117
👨🏻🏫✍🏼Polarities facing teachers & authors:
•breadth v depth
•practical v theoretical
•fast v slow
- p. 4
🔢Chapter outlines:
1️⃣ impact on human systems
2️⃣ predictability; creative tension (Third Way) thru vulnerability & courage
3️⃣ Polarity Navigator how-to
4️⃣ five steps of navigating (high-level examples)
5️⃣ understand if something is resulting from one
6️⃣ how they impact personal/human systems change
- p. 5
💈Polarity: When two interdependent yet contradictory states are maintained for success over time (e.g. bottomline v environment, hardline v diplomatic, collaborative v competitive, open flexibility v structured processes, customisation v standardisation - p. 8-9
Common polarities:
•organisations: structure v flexibility, employee v company, continuity v change, (de)centralisation, short v long term
•leadership: confidence v humility, task v relationship, implement v plan
•life: work v rest, (dis)contentment, reality v hope, save v spend- p. 10
As the pendulum swings, we need sustainable long-term solutions, as the pendulum will swing back soon. - p. 12
Both/and thinking supplements either/or thinking, not replaces it. - p. 13
Polarities aren’t 🆕:
•East: yin v yang ☯️
•West: universe composed of opposites 🌌
•✝️religions: justice v mercy, law v grace
•👩❤️👨culture: masculinity v feminism, individual v collective
- p. 14
Difficulty with Both/And Thinking:
•🧠evolutionarily, the brain had to quickly assess safety v danger
•🏴English lacks vocabulary to harmonise opposite states (e.g. nut+bolt=?)
•⬛️⬜️adult development stage theory: binary predisposition
- p. 15-18
👓 We should make polarities the object, rather than making us subject to them. This makes us aware of the lenses with which we see the world. - p. 18
👍🏼 Benefits of understanding polarities: career success, exceptional leadership, high performance, organisational success - p. 19
Suffering paradox: inferior results, decreased morale, hampered communication, damaged relationships
1. Preferencing
2. Attaching
3. Othering
4. Either/Or-ing
- p. 20
🧭Navigating paradox: better results, improved morale, richer communication, stronger relationships
1. Mapping: sense-making
2. Divining: fuller picture of past, present, future
3. Synergising: understanding self, other, we
4. Both/And-ing: assumes both polarities are needed for success
- p. 23
💈How polarities work:
•We prefer one pole over the other.
•This leads us to see diagonals, where we tolerate a pole’s overuses for its benefits.
•We need vulnerability to navigate to the Transformational Third Way.
- p. 50
Polarity Navigator:
1. Differentiates poles
2. Reintegrate poles
3. Name vulnerability
4. Identify action steps
- p. 52
🗺️ Polarity Navigator as sense-making map:
•paradox cognition
•involves stakeholders
•Huff & Jenkins’ requirements for complexity
1. Visual model
2. Territorial domains
3. Nomenclature
4. 2+ simultaneous relationships
5. We can place ourselves in the mapped domain…
6. … and make mental movements through the map
- p. 52-54
🔀 Process:
1. Pole names
2. Benefits & overuses
3. Transformational Third Way: reintegrate poles to reharmonise
4. Vulnerability Throughway: identify risk & courage needed
5. Strategies: action steps
- p. 56
Creating pole names📛:
•neutrality
•pick a name first; modify it later
•cluster terms into a pole in a key
- p. 57-59
Benefits & Overuses:
•equality of benefits & overuses per pole
•consider each quadrant in isolation
•provide reasons if there’re identical items for increased detail to clarify values
•order doesn’t matter, but most do the infinity loop
•flip back & forth between poles to increase engagement & reduce tension
- p. 61-65
🎞️Transformational Third Way
•poles: honours differences, reintegrates both, eliminates neither
•requires experience (not logic nor actions), subtlety, simplicity
•uses metaphors or original names/concepts
•Be = Third Way; Do = strategies
- p. 67-73
Triggers that pull us away from the vulnerability throughway:
•losing identity
•becoming what we fear
•uneasy about the unknown
•judgment from the like-minded
- p. 78
Vulnerabilities’ different types & depths:
•different for everyone
•agreement isn’t necessary; capture them all
•varies in depth
•might be similar to overuses
•differentiate real risks & assumptions
- p. 80-81
Creating strategies:
1. Brainstorm creatively on another piece of paper
2. Prioritise what’s beneficial & realistic
3. Check & agree that the strategies would lead to outcomes
4. Specify who’ll do what by when
5. Ensure accountability & follow-through
- p. 84-85
Strategies:
• try small actions, see how they go, and adjust as needed
• ensure actions from both poles balance out in moving toward the Third Way
• Start-Stop-Continue-Modify
• do something rather than do nothing for fear of doing it imperfectly
- p. 85-89
5️⃣ steps to navigate polarities:
1. 🔎Analyse to See: Problem or polarity?
2. 🗺️Map to Understand: Benefits & Overuses
3. 🧭Explore to Connect: Third Way & Vulnerability
4. 💗Act to Expand: Strategies & Actions
5. 🖥️Monitor to Discern: Watch & Adjust
- p. 92
🔎Analyse to See, 1️⃣/5️⃣:
• problem or polarity?
• most important & difficult step
• requires benefits of both poles for success
• results from overusing a pole
- p. 92-93
🗺️Map to Understand, 2️⃣/5️⃣:
• include stakeholders
• name benefits & overuses
• objectify polarities
• dialogue to make meaning
- p. 95
🧭Explore to Connect, 3️⃣/5️⃣:
• reintegrating poles after differentiating
• visualising the experience if both poles exist simultaneously
• connecting deeply to a vision
• identifying what feels risky & embracing the vulnerability
• increasing understanding & sense to navigate effectively
• robust & sustainable strategies
- p. 95-96
💗Act to Expand, 4️⃣/5️⃣:
• intentional action over time
• based on standing in the Third Way & stepping into the Vulnerability Throughway
• platform for action
• strategies should be realistic & drive accountability
• may need project tracker, agendas, or schedules
- p. 96-97
🖥️Monitor to Discern, 5️⃣/5️⃣:
• manage polarities through integration over time
• revisit Navigator to discern progress & next steps
• discuss with stakeholders for multiple perspectives
• long-term success
• courage to question & be honest
• ongoing process to value all perspectives & commit to dialogue
- p. 97-98
Don’t simply transfer opposites to the other diagonal; discuss each quadrant separately and check the opposites later. - p. 107
Include other stakeholders in retreats e.g. PSG, SAC; if they can’t come, they should vet the map lens. - p. 109-110
Third Way is more doing than being, and will not always be equally weighted. However, getting more X without losing Y might seem utopian and result in effort inflation. - p. 114
Facilitating groups:
• Shared visual: Writing looks less formalized (compared to typing) and so keeps people creative
• Populating the map: Allow groups to rotate & populate the quadrants in four corners of a room, perhaps summarizing with an image
• Third Way: metaphor, made-up word/phrase
• Think-Pair-Square: personal to group vulnerabilities
- p. 115-117
June 21, 2021
Super easy read of a complex advanced leadership thinking skill. Loved it. Will refer to it a lot as I work with clients on the or challenges.
April 8, 2020
Navigating Polarities does a good job introducing, defining, and giving a framework to work with polarities. The authors provide helpful examples and cases where finding the Third Way - operating in the both/and moves individuals and groups new levels.
This book (and eventual series) is good for coaches, mentors, leaders, and facilitators.
This book (and eventual series) is good for coaches, mentors, leaders, and facilitators.
June 10, 2025
Very interesting approach to conflicts. I read this book for a negotiation's class, and more than the book itself, I think I appreciate the class more so. The book is good, easy to digest, with an interesting perspective that even if it's not new or unique, is framed in a different angle that makes it easier to manage.
May 25, 2021
A wise and helpful book. I get why the authors chose to cycle through the model several times to reinforce the mindset; it just felt dragged out. Still, I’m glad I read it and aim to draw on its practical, constructive, thoughtful approach.
December 31, 2019
Excellent description, exploration and guide for managing life’s most vexing pickles. A must read for any leader in any organization or family.
April 5, 2020
Navigating polarities provides a good introduction to polarities - and a practical process for managing the polarities.
January 20, 2021
It could have been a very short workbook and been equally, if not more, useful.
October 17, 2021
Good info that, when considered, should be a no-brainer.
August 4, 2025
Wonderful book that helps 'navigate' through leadership challenges by reframing how we see conflicts and issues.
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews