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What We’re Told Not to Talk About (But We’re Going to Anyway): Women’s Voices from East London to Ethiopia
'I started my period at home in the afternoon aged 14 on a warm day. I remember screaming and thinking "There is no doubt about it; I am definitely going to die".'
This book is about vaginas. Fanny, cunt, flower, foo-foo, tuppence, whatever you want to call it almost half of the world's population has one.
Was Jessica Ennis on her period they day she won Olympic Gold? What do you do when you're living on the streets and pregnant? What does it feeling like to have a poo after you've given birth? We all have questions but it's not seen as very polite to talk about our fanny; in fact it is down-right rude.
Rude is an important, taboo-breaking book that shares the stories of pregnancy and periods, orgasms and the menopause, from women from all walks of life. From refugee camps in Calais to Oscar-winning actresses, to Nimko's own story of living with FGM, each woman shares their own relationship with their vagina and its impact on their life.
253 pages, Kindle Edition
First published February 7, 2019
47 people are currently reading
2610 people want to read
About the author
Nimko Ali
3 books23 followersNimko Ali is a feminist, former parliamentary candidate, conservative politican activist, and campaigner against modern-day slavery and female genital mutilation (FGM), of which she herself was a victim. Originally born in Somalia, she now lives and works in London.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 62 reviews
April 18, 2021
This book is an interesting insight from many different women, from various countries and backgrounds, about the subjects that are unfortunately still regarded by some as "taboo." This means that instead of actually talking openly about these particular subjects, they are locked away, and are never spoken of again. Not only is this toxic, but it is ridiculous, and it is something I'll always feel strongly about.
The subjects covered in this book, are periods, orgasms, pregnancy and menopause. They are so incredibly common, but yet, some cannot bring themselves to talk about them. For me, personally, I'm pretty open about these. I haven't always been this way, but I've never regarded myself as being dirty, when I'm menstruating, or odd, because I love having orgasms. It's just how it is, and I'm not likely to change.
We hear from many women, and we read about their own experiences. Some I enjoyed more than others, and some, I found to be pretty horrifying, especially when we move on to FGM. It is a barbaric practice, that is ruthlessly disguised as a cultural thing, when clearly, it is actually child abuse. I've read rather a lot about FGM, but it never fails to sicken me.
It takes a strong person to write about such a difficult time in their lives, and I'm thankful to the women in this book that did. Powerful and moving, and I recommend to all.
The subjects covered in this book, are periods, orgasms, pregnancy and menopause. They are so incredibly common, but yet, some cannot bring themselves to talk about them. For me, personally, I'm pretty open about these. I haven't always been this way, but I've never regarded myself as being dirty, when I'm menstruating, or odd, because I love having orgasms. It's just how it is, and I'm not likely to change.
We hear from many women, and we read about their own experiences. Some I enjoyed more than others, and some, I found to be pretty horrifying, especially when we move on to FGM. It is a barbaric practice, that is ruthlessly disguised as a cultural thing, when clearly, it is actually child abuse. I've read rather a lot about FGM, but it never fails to sicken me.
It takes a strong person to write about such a difficult time in their lives, and I'm thankful to the women in this book that did. Powerful and moving, and I recommend to all.
August 28, 2020
I bought this book way back before Nimko Ali revealed herself to be, quite bizarrely, a big fan of the Conservative Party, who I hate with my entire heart and soul, but I'm not one to read books solely by people I 100% agree with all the time. At no point when I was reading this did my existing opinions of Ali affect my determination to fully engage with it; she's a good writer and has a lot of value to say, and my disagreeing with her on a few issues won't and shouldn't negate that. That said:
The Good:
- Nimko Ali is a witty and engaging writer, and I did laugh out loud at a lot of her turns of phrase. She obviously has a way with people too, to be able to get these women to open up to her in the ways that they did. It's a very personal book, both in terms of what it clearly means to Ali and in terms of how sensitive many of the narratives are, and that gives it a very raw and emotional resonance. This book is 250 pages long and I read it in two sittings, only interrupted so that I could make a cup of tea. It's well-written and thoroughly readable, and, given the weight of the topics at hand, that's no small feat.
- It's refreshing to at last be able to read books which are marketed as feminist and don't consist entirely of the musings of rich white women. The majority of the voices featured in this book are those of women of colour, and there are many intersecting marginalisations, such as homelessness and Blackness. That said, it could have been more diverse in terms of contributions, as the majority of narratives definitely fit into the 'woman is married at a very young age and suffers accordingly' convention, but these stories obviously do need to be heard, so I wasn't disappointed in the lack of variety, per se. It's just not quite what the book's marketing leads one to expect.
- Although I don't personally agree with Ali's definition of what makes a woman, which I found to be very bioessentialist, I did very much appreciate the frank discussion of issues that have certainly affected me and many other women (and people who aren't women) I know. I fully agree that it's time to start talking about periods and menopause and abortions; I just don't think I entirely agree that it's necessary to conflate that with milestones specifically of womanhood, even if they commonly are. On the same positive note, it was actually great to see so many women be frank about their own bodily functions; there's quite a lot of literal shit-talk in here, and you know what? I'm here for it. We all shit.
The Bad:
- A very unimportant point really, but I was a little surprised that this was a release by a major publishing imprint, given the number of editing mistakes. There are quite a few instances of sentences where one word is missing. The book's structure is also very odd, consisting of 4 chapters, some of which are over 100 pages long and one of which is only about 20, which feels patchy and inconsistent. Additionally, after every woman's contribution, Ali writes her own thoughts about a topic related to the contribution, and the way in which this transition from contributor to commentary is done is also inconsistent; sometimes Ali's thoughts are placed under a new heading under the contribution, and sometimes the narrative just switches randomly into third person without warning, at which point it eventually becomes clear that Ali is now speaking, not the contributor. It feels very much like a first draft in a lot of ways. I don't know if the book was perhaps rushed out; it very much seemed like it may have been.
- I think that, ultimately, when one of the splash quotes on the book's inside cover is from proto-Tory and privileged feminist extraordinaire Zoe Sugg, it's probably not going to be a book which engages rigorously with feminist theory. I would have really liked to have seen more analysis in this book and discussions of why women (meaning, as this book uses the word, anyone assigned female at birth) are treated and received in the ways that they are, cross-culturally. In many ways, it just seemed at times like a litany of suffering, without any attempts to engage with the systemic causes of that suffering, and it means that I finished this book feeling a bit hollow. Again, I think this is possibly because the book was rushed, although I'm just theorising there.
The Ugly:
- This book is incredibly cissexist and heterocentric. There isn't a single contribution in here from a queer woman, either in terms of sexuality or gender. The book consistently conflates womanhood with 'fannies', and, as a cis woman myself, I have to be honest and say that I think that's a bit reductive. Not everyone with a 'fanny' is a woman, and not all women have a 'fanny'. I think it tries to universalise the experience of being 'female' too far, and in doing so it reduces it to a series of biological functions, like having periods, getting pregnant, and entering menopause.
- There was one moment in particular which struck me as hypocritical. I'm treading lightly here, as a white woman with absolutely no experience of the subject at hand, but much of the book is dedicated to (bravely and importantly) telling the horrific experienes of women who have undergone FGM, and then later one woman, who hasn't undergone FGM herself, speaks of how she prefers having sex with men who have been circumcised because she finds it more pleasurable. Now, I'm not someone who thinks that FGM and male circumcision are directly comparable; my general ethos is pretty much 'let's just not mutilate babies' genitals at all ever, but FGM is clearly a very different entity and should be discussed as such,' but it struck me as ill-advised at the very least, because there was absolutely no engagement with why this might be different, or the ways in which it isn't.
I do think that I would recommend this book to people, because it's incredibly readable and it has a lot to say about experiences from some of the most marginalised women globally; I would just be sure to specify that it's not the wide-reaching commentary on womanhood that it's marketed as being.
The Good:
- Nimko Ali is a witty and engaging writer, and I did laugh out loud at a lot of her turns of phrase. She obviously has a way with people too, to be able to get these women to open up to her in the ways that they did. It's a very personal book, both in terms of what it clearly means to Ali and in terms of how sensitive many of the narratives are, and that gives it a very raw and emotional resonance. This book is 250 pages long and I read it in two sittings, only interrupted so that I could make a cup of tea. It's well-written and thoroughly readable, and, given the weight of the topics at hand, that's no small feat.
- It's refreshing to at last be able to read books which are marketed as feminist and don't consist entirely of the musings of rich white women. The majority of the voices featured in this book are those of women of colour, and there are many intersecting marginalisations, such as homelessness and Blackness. That said, it could have been more diverse in terms of contributions, as the majority of narratives definitely fit into the 'woman is married at a very young age and suffers accordingly' convention, but these stories obviously do need to be heard, so I wasn't disappointed in the lack of variety, per se. It's just not quite what the book's marketing leads one to expect.
- Although I don't personally agree with Ali's definition of what makes a woman, which I found to be very bioessentialist, I did very much appreciate the frank discussion of issues that have certainly affected me and many other women (and people who aren't women) I know. I fully agree that it's time to start talking about periods and menopause and abortions; I just don't think I entirely agree that it's necessary to conflate that with milestones specifically of womanhood, even if they commonly are. On the same positive note, it was actually great to see so many women be frank about their own bodily functions; there's quite a lot of literal shit-talk in here, and you know what? I'm here for it. We all shit.
The Bad:
- A very unimportant point really, but I was a little surprised that this was a release by a major publishing imprint, given the number of editing mistakes. There are quite a few instances of sentences where one word is missing. The book's structure is also very odd, consisting of 4 chapters, some of which are over 100 pages long and one of which is only about 20, which feels patchy and inconsistent. Additionally, after every woman's contribution, Ali writes her own thoughts about a topic related to the contribution, and the way in which this transition from contributor to commentary is done is also inconsistent; sometimes Ali's thoughts are placed under a new heading under the contribution, and sometimes the narrative just switches randomly into third person without warning, at which point it eventually becomes clear that Ali is now speaking, not the contributor. It feels very much like a first draft in a lot of ways. I don't know if the book was perhaps rushed out; it very much seemed like it may have been.
- I think that, ultimately, when one of the splash quotes on the book's inside cover is from proto-Tory and privileged feminist extraordinaire Zoe Sugg, it's probably not going to be a book which engages rigorously with feminist theory. I would have really liked to have seen more analysis in this book and discussions of why women (meaning, as this book uses the word, anyone assigned female at birth) are treated and received in the ways that they are, cross-culturally. In many ways, it just seemed at times like a litany of suffering, without any attempts to engage with the systemic causes of that suffering, and it means that I finished this book feeling a bit hollow. Again, I think this is possibly because the book was rushed, although I'm just theorising there.
The Ugly:
- This book is incredibly cissexist and heterocentric. There isn't a single contribution in here from a queer woman, either in terms of sexuality or gender. The book consistently conflates womanhood with 'fannies', and, as a cis woman myself, I have to be honest and say that I think that's a bit reductive. Not everyone with a 'fanny' is a woman, and not all women have a 'fanny'. I think it tries to universalise the experience of being 'female' too far, and in doing so it reduces it to a series of biological functions, like having periods, getting pregnant, and entering menopause.
- There was one moment in particular which struck me as hypocritical. I'm treading lightly here, as a white woman with absolutely no experience of the subject at hand, but much of the book is dedicated to (bravely and importantly) telling the horrific experienes of women who have undergone FGM, and then later one woman, who hasn't undergone FGM herself, speaks of how she prefers having sex with men who have been circumcised because she finds it more pleasurable. Now, I'm not someone who thinks that FGM and male circumcision are directly comparable; my general ethos is pretty much 'let's just not mutilate babies' genitals at all ever, but FGM is clearly a very different entity and should be discussed as such,' but it struck me as ill-advised at the very least, because there was absolutely no engagement with why this might be different, or the ways in which it isn't.
I do think that I would recommend this book to people, because it's incredibly readable and it has a lot to say about experiences from some of the most marginalised women globally; I would just be sure to specify that it's not the wide-reaching commentary on womanhood that it's marketed as being.
November 23, 2019
This was a great book to read. Lots of stories were shared by women from all around the world, some very funny but some very sad and aweful. One thing I realized while reading their stories is that we don't know half of what women around the world are going through. And what you could possibly be going through in the future - you can't know what's going to happen. So it's really good that this book was written to talk about topics that feel like a taboo: periods, pregnancy, sex and the menopause. All things women experience, either now or in the future, but sometimes hardly know anything about. This book made me realize that in some aspects of my life I'm really lucky, and should consider myself as that more. Women go through so many tough situations… And we have to suck it up and not talk about it, usually. So let's start talking about it more. Let's share with the world what our experiences are, so that people around the world won't be afraid about these topics any more and so that we can learn the future generations what might be in store for them. And how they can handle it.
January 24, 2020
I have to admit I found the author's writing style a little annoying, but 90% of the book consists of other women's voices, and the experiences she collected here are invaluable
October 30, 2019
An essential piece of reading for any modern woman, from any culture, origin or ethnicity; this book covers four main topics, periods, orgasms, pregnancy and the menopause. Four very important but very under reported areas.
What I liked most about this book was how it looked at the experiences of women from across the world. The author made it her mission to not focus on solely British born women. She also examines the role of culture and religion upon sexuality, which was eye opening to say the least.
I learnt a lot through this book and would recommend it for the modern feminist.
What I liked most about this book was how it looked at the experiences of women from across the world. The author made it her mission to not focus on solely British born women. She also examines the role of culture and religion upon sexuality, which was eye opening to say the least.
I learnt a lot through this book and would recommend it for the modern feminist.
December 27, 2019
I think the concept for this book is brilliant. The execution was not very good unfortunately. It felt like a first draft for a book, an idea, that still needs a lot of work. It was inconsistent, the structure was a bit weird, there were some mistakes. But I also think it was not as well researched as it could have been. There was not enough context and statistics. This was just stories, that's what it says it is, but it could have been much more with very little effort.
I also thought it was weird how she was not really in conversation with these women, at least not in the book. There is the story, exactly as the women told it I imagine given the style and mistakes. And then there is a short section where she comments on the story, but the comment is often not even specific to the story just told and sometimes she's just plain judgemental.
But, even with all these faults, I still think there is content here that you cannot find in any other book, film or article.
Have you ever heard a womans story about what it's like to give birth in a refugee camp? I didn't think so.
I also thought it was weird how she was not really in conversation with these women, at least not in the book. There is the story, exactly as the women told it I imagine given the style and mistakes. And then there is a short section where she comments on the story, but the comment is often not even specific to the story just told and sometimes she's just plain judgemental.
But, even with all these faults, I still think there is content here that you cannot find in any other book, film or article.
Have you ever heard a womans story about what it's like to give birth in a refugee camp? I didn't think so.
June 11, 2020
I was expecting to enjoy this book thoroughly, but I was honestly not expecting to be so moved. The display of female strength in these pages is astounding and emotionally poignant. The tenacity and resilience of womanhood is felt and present throughout. Would absolutely recommend this read to anyone.
January 10, 2021
Mum gave this to me on Christmas Eve because it was 'too taboo to be a Christmas present' in an incredible display of irony. Very readable. Truly honest descriptions of the female experience, particularly around pregnancy and birth. Wonderfully diverse culturally. Doesn't include any trans experiences but there's always going to be such criticisms for a book labelled 'progressive' and 'inclusive'.
June 16, 2021
A really valuable contribution to destigmatising subjects ranging from menstruation to menopause that all (cis) women experience. There are stories from a range of national contexts and each experience is handled sensitively and very unapologetically. I learned a lot from it (especially the section on menopause).
My view of the book has been slightly tarnished by learning about the Tory stance of the author, but that didn’t come across in the book itself. One criticism I would level at it is that it’s veryyyy cis- and heteronormative, which casts its claim to speak without shame or stigma about women’s experiences very much in question.
My view of the book has been slightly tarnished by learning about the Tory stance of the author, but that didn’t come across in the book itself. One criticism I would level at it is that it’s veryyyy cis- and heteronormative, which casts its claim to speak without shame or stigma about women’s experiences very much in question.
July 1, 2020
Päevad, orgasmid, rasedus ja/või selle katkestamine ning menopaus - teemad, millest naised üldjuhul omavahel räägivad, aga mida ei peeta viisakaks või sobilikuks avalikult arutamiseks. Siia raamatusse on autor sisse pannud nii enda kui teiste naiste lood. Osad neist on lõbusad ja võimestavad, suurem osa valusad või valusalt naiste ja meeste erinevatele võimalustele osutavad.
See on oluline kogumik. Üks tärn jäi puudu, sest autori kirjutamise stiil on kohati ärritav. Eks see läheb juba isikliku maitse alla.
See on oluline kogumik. Üks tärn jäi puudu, sest autori kirjutamise stiil on kohati ärritav. Eks see läheb juba isikliku maitse alla.
August 17, 2025
There are lots of stories in this book that need to be shouted loudly at all the men making decisions on female healthcare. I struggled most through the pregnancy chapters, despite knowing full well I am, and will always be, child-free by choice it was still a difficult set of stories to read - and I think also the section with the most stories? Either way Ayaan's story in particular will haunt me for the rest of my days. 4 stars as some pacing/no of stories per subject felt squiffy sometimes. Shout out to Bethan for the lend <3
September 10, 2020
This book started off strong-the first chapter is about periods and it’s so brilliant the way it discusses them so unapologetically, and one essay in particular by a homeless woman discussing the trauma of having your period whilst living in the streets stuck with me. However over time the writers comments started to get qui the pointless and I even started skipping past them as they often added nothing to the essays and stated the obvious. Further more, after a while I started to realise how the book is less diverse than the blurb makes it out to be. There is almost no LGBTQ representation and there is no stories from transgender women which I think is so important and should have been done.
HOWEVER, that being said, the book covers some very important topics and is so thought provoking, and covers topics like FGM which is truly horrendous so I appreciate the importance of the book, but I think it could have used more work.
HOWEVER, that being said, the book covers some very important topics and is so thought provoking, and covers topics like FGM which is truly horrendous so I appreciate the importance of the book, but I think it could have used more work.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 22, 2020
What I loved about “What We’re Told Not To Talk About (But We’re Going To Anyway): Women’s Voices from East London to Ethiopia” by Nimko Ali:
1 - Throughout this book, Ali shares her own story as well as stories from women around the world on topics such as periods, orgasms, pregnancy and menopause.
2 - These stories do truly cover every gruesome detail of what women traditionally “should not talk about” but thank god they do! Ali empowers the women behind these stories to break down taboos and share their experiences.
3 - Some stories were heartbreaking and hard to read while others were light hearted and empowering - this book truly covers so much ground and sheds light to what women go through throughout the world.
1 - Throughout this book, Ali shares her own story as well as stories from women around the world on topics such as periods, orgasms, pregnancy and menopause.
2 - These stories do truly cover every gruesome detail of what women traditionally “should not talk about” but thank god they do! Ali empowers the women behind these stories to break down taboos and share their experiences.
3 - Some stories were heartbreaking and hard to read while others were light hearted and empowering - this book truly covers so much ground and sheds light to what women go through throughout the world.
November 17, 2019
Really enjoyed looking at the experiences of different women throughout key stages of their lives. Due to the author's background this book had a definite focus on the experiences of Somali women and women who have been through FGM. Rather than this becoming a limited view, it actually became an eye-opening read for myself and lead me to think very deeply about what I can do to help women and girls going through this currently. It also helped me to think critically about my own perception of my body and what I want for myself going into the future, hitting key milestones as a woman. I'd recommend this book to anyone who's looking at educating themselves in the female experience or analysing their own femininity.
November 14, 2019
This is a super important book which I wish more people would read. It’s troubling how many stigmas and taboos still exist around the female body considering it’s the prison within which half of the world’s Population live. The anecdotes are potent, eye opening and honest, and nimko’s explanations between them are the perfect adhesive to bring the book together. I would definitely recommend.
August 19, 2020
enjoyed this for the candid stories that it offered particularly as it relates to pregnancy and child birth though I found that most of the stories and essays reflected a particular position on womanhood, heterosexual relationships and religion. Overall it’s a pretty easy read with troubling and moving stories on many a taboo topic from women all over the world.
July 4, 2019
This is a really brilliant book. However, Ali failed to mention the fact that abortion is still illegal in Nothern Ireland which was a glaring oversight from such a well-informed activist.
November 19, 2019
Excellent but more importantly, a NECESSARY book! Thank you Nimko Ali:)
October 12, 2022
Nimko Ali nimmt sich in "What we're told not to talk about (but we're going to anyway)" Themen an, über die wir als Frauen in der Gesellschaft nicht frei reden können. Dem weiblichen Körper und was uns als Frauen ausmacht. Lange überfällige Tabus werden endlich gebrochen. 42 Frauen aus 14 Ländern erzählen jeweils ihre individuelle Geschichte und leisten damit einen großen Beitrag zum Buch. Fragen zur Periode, zu weiblichen Orgasmen, der Schwangerschaft und der Menopause werden aufgeworfen und beantwortet.
"What we're told not to talk about (but we're going to anyway)" ist ein wirklich kluges Buch, das zum Nachdenken und Handeln anregt.
Teilweise habe ich jedoch den Eindruck, dass die Autorin sehr einseitig berichtet und nicht alle Sichtweisen mit einbezieht. Sie lässt sich über Fetische und BDSM Praktiken aus und bezeichnet diese als frauenfeindlich und allgemein gefährlich. Für jemanden, der auf Consent und ein brechen von Tabus Wert legt, finde ich das sehr schade. Als Frau einen Fetisch auszuleben kann ebenfalls sehr befreiend, machtvoll und feministisch sein. Es sollten hierzu nicht noch mehr Stigmas aufgebaut werden. Natürlich muss dies immer freiwillig und mit gegenseitigem Einverständnis geschehen, aber zum Beispiel "Breath Play" als verinnerlichte Misshandlungsfantasie von Männern zu bezeichnen, halte ich für absolut verwerflich und falsch. In dieser Hinsicht hatte ich mir von der Autorin definitv mehr erwartet.
Ganz allgemein und abgesehen von dieser Randkritik hat Nimko Ali aber wirklich ein lange überfälliges Werk zur Weiblichkeit erschaffen, das man auf jeden Fall gelesen haben sollte!
"What we're told not to talk about (but we're going to anyway)" ist ein wirklich kluges Buch, das zum Nachdenken und Handeln anregt.
Teilweise habe ich jedoch den Eindruck, dass die Autorin sehr einseitig berichtet und nicht alle Sichtweisen mit einbezieht. Sie lässt sich über Fetische und BDSM Praktiken aus und bezeichnet diese als frauenfeindlich und allgemein gefährlich. Für jemanden, der auf Consent und ein brechen von Tabus Wert legt, finde ich das sehr schade. Als Frau einen Fetisch auszuleben kann ebenfalls sehr befreiend, machtvoll und feministisch sein. Es sollten hierzu nicht noch mehr Stigmas aufgebaut werden. Natürlich muss dies immer freiwillig und mit gegenseitigem Einverständnis geschehen, aber zum Beispiel "Breath Play" als verinnerlichte Misshandlungsfantasie von Männern zu bezeichnen, halte ich für absolut verwerflich und falsch. In dieser Hinsicht hatte ich mir von der Autorin definitv mehr erwartet.
Ganz allgemein und abgesehen von dieser Randkritik hat Nimko Ali aber wirklich ein lange überfälliges Werk zur Weiblichkeit erschaffen, das man auf jeden Fall gelesen haben sollte!
March 24, 2021
This is a tough book to review, because the verbatim testimonies by women about different life stages and events are all eye-opening, authentic, and unvarnished. There's a raw truth that's compelling.
But...the range of participants could have been far more broad, the structure of the book far stronger, the accompanying introduction, analysis, and conclusions left a lot to be desired.
One major thing is the book being solely credited to Ali, where the recognition should go mostly to the women who participated. Her curation, or interviewing, and own contributions are some of the weakest parts. That the quotations given at the beginning of each chapter, and the verbatim excerpts from the interviews are the strongest parts, is telling. Improved editing and execution would have done justice to the bravery and honesty of the women selected.
The publisher used the name and profile of the 'author', but in another female researcher or writer's hand, the raw material could have had greater presentational impact - imagining e.g. what we could have learned if these women had been interviewed or counselled by Esther Perel.
But...the range of participants could have been far more broad, the structure of the book far stronger, the accompanying introduction, analysis, and conclusions left a lot to be desired.
One major thing is the book being solely credited to Ali, where the recognition should go mostly to the women who participated. Her curation, or interviewing, and own contributions are some of the weakest parts. That the quotations given at the beginning of each chapter, and the verbatim excerpts from the interviews are the strongest parts, is telling. Improved editing and execution would have done justice to the bravery and honesty of the women selected.
The publisher used the name and profile of the 'author', but in another female researcher or writer's hand, the raw material could have had greater presentational impact - imagining e.g. what we could have learned if these women had been interviewed or counselled by Esther Perel.
January 2, 2021
This book was...unexpected. Focused primarily on the stories African and British women (with a few others from across the world) this book shares stories about periods, pregnancy, sex, and menopause. Many of the women are Muslim, or live with FGM, or were child brides, or all of the above.
As a Canadian Millennial when I read about women’s narratives “outside the norm” usually it’s about women who have defied cultural norms and are queer, single, in non-traditional relationships, or have rejected their family’s culture and expectations. The stories from women in this book are the opposite, and deal exclusively in hetero traditional marriages as per family/cultural/religious expectations. For me, this is a perspective I don’t usually read, so I learned a lot and was also challenged by a lot of the content.
The stories are short - a few pages at most, but I knocked off one star on this review because I felt some of the stories needed more context, and that the editor’s commentary didn’t necessarily add in all cases.
As a Canadian Millennial when I read about women’s narratives “outside the norm” usually it’s about women who have defied cultural norms and are queer, single, in non-traditional relationships, or have rejected their family’s culture and expectations. The stories from women in this book are the opposite, and deal exclusively in hetero traditional marriages as per family/cultural/religious expectations. For me, this is a perspective I don’t usually read, so I learned a lot and was also challenged by a lot of the content.
The stories are short - a few pages at most, but I knocked off one star on this review because I felt some of the stories needed more context, and that the editor’s commentary didn’t necessarily add in all cases.
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March 16, 2021I'm really torn about this one. The book has four main chapters: Periods, Orgasms, Pregnancy and The Menopause. Within these chapters different women tell stories about their period while being homeless for example, FGM, arranged marriages and similar topics - these are all important topics that should be thematized more.
But then there's the hetero- and cisnormativity of this book. Only cis women and the only mention of a gay person is in a story about a women who is getting her heart broken by her gay husband who betrays her with a man. Trans women, trans men and nonbinary people have as much to say about these topics as cis women and need to be heard. LGBTQ+ representation is important to show that there are more options than to climb on the hetero relationship escalator, I sure wish I had known this earlier as a teenager. Also I missed stories of neurodivergent and disabled people in this book.
So in conclusion for me some of the stories were interesting, but for me personally the book was by far not intersectional enough, even exclusive.
But then there's the hetero- and cisnormativity of this book. Only cis women and the only mention of a gay person is in a story about a women who is getting her heart broken by her gay husband who betrays her with a man. Trans women, trans men and nonbinary people have as much to say about these topics as cis women and need to be heard. LGBTQ+ representation is important to show that there are more options than to climb on the hetero relationship escalator, I sure wish I had known this earlier as a teenager. Also I missed stories of neurodivergent and disabled people in this book.
So in conclusion for me some of the stories were interesting, but for me personally the book was by far not intersectional enough, even exclusive.
July 26, 2020
Малко книги са ме трогвали по този начин и са ме карали да спирам да чета, защото съм наистина бясна, че нещо подобно може да се случва наистина. Смятам, че е важна да се прочете не само от жени, но и от мъже, защото макар да става въпрос за "женски" истории, те засягат абсолтно всички хора - пряко или косвено.
Всичките ми размисли, породени от книгата, са тук:
https://vsichkoteche.home.blog/2020/0...
Всичките ми размисли, породени от книгата, са тук:
https://vsichkoteche.home.blog/2020/0...
November 7, 2020
Had to give this up on audio as it was far too unnecessarily graphic. Do we really need the descriptions of jellied globs when talking about periods or lengthy descriptions of shits people take? I would hazard a guess at NO. Talking about supposed taboo topics and breaking those taboos .. I'm all for but there is such a thing as oversharing. The authors intention could have been made without going this far down the vomit inducing road
July 17, 2022
It´s always great to read about women´s lives and experiences from first person accounts. There will never be enough of these sort of texts and books. This was also very funny plus it showed a spectrum of lived experiences (RE: consequences of FGM, traumatic childbirth, shame having to do with female bodies, etc.).
August 4, 2022
I feel like I just give everything 4 stars. This was an interesting book. It was cool to see how women share so many experiences no matter their socioeconomic background. Definitely made me more conscious of my privilege too… there are a lot of things I don’t have to deal with that other women have to. It sucks
April 2, 2023
a very powerful book which talks in depth of different problematics that women face that in some way still to this day are not talked as much. i loved the writing style and the way that each woman shares a story but in the same way it disturbed me knowing that there is such pain that women can go through! every woman should read it just to know they aren't alone!
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October 10, 2023The stories of other women were sometimes interesting but the short comments from the author herself were so unnecessary since they added nothing to the essays before.
Adding to that, the book isn't as diverse as the title makes it sound like. Almost every story could have been from the same woman, imo.
It was a pointless read but at least it added a few pages to my Goodreads count.
Adding to that, the book isn't as diverse as the title makes it sound like. Almost every story could have been from the same woman, imo.
It was a pointless read but at least it added a few pages to my Goodreads count.
March 5, 2024
The book covers periods, orgasms, pregnancy and menopause. I liked that it covers quite a diverse range of women though I would have preferred that the section on menopause be a bit longer. We live to a much older age now but I feel that menopause is still shrouded in secrecy. I myself am nearing that age soon and I would have liked to know more about other women’s experiences.
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