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Attachment Theory: A Guide to Strengthening the Relationships in Your Life
Build powerful current and future relationships by understanding your past
In order to improve closeness and intimacy in all relationships, it is important to first understand the clear parallels between adult behavior and childhood experiences. Attachment Theory combines traditional teachings with knowledge of subconscious patterns to provide powerful tools for powerful change.
Through interactive quizzes, wrap-up summaries, and real strategies you can implement in your daily life, you'll learn the tools needed to reprogram the outdated beliefs causing chaos in your life and relationships—romantic, platonic, or familial.
Inside Attachment Theory , you'll
With a firm understanding of attachment theory, you'll be on your way to healthier relationships.
In order to improve closeness and intimacy in all relationships, it is important to first understand the clear parallels between adult behavior and childhood experiences. Attachment Theory combines traditional teachings with knowledge of subconscious patterns to provide powerful tools for powerful change.
Through interactive quizzes, wrap-up summaries, and real strategies you can implement in your daily life, you'll learn the tools needed to reprogram the outdated beliefs causing chaos in your life and relationships—romantic, platonic, or familial.
Inside Attachment Theory , you'll
With a firm understanding of attachment theory, you'll be on your way to healthier relationships.
180 pages, Paperback
Published March 24, 2020
956 people are currently reading
2368 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 119 reviews
January 28, 2023
A clear and precise introduction to four attachment styles: secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant.
Growing up, every one of us forms a unique attachment style (ways we bond with other people). A secure style is healthy, others—not so. According to the theory and specialists who practice it, we all have one dominant style of the four mentioned above. We can’t really choose it—it depends on the upbringing we had and how well our parents responded to our needs.
For example, a person clingy and needy may have had a parent who wasn’t available for them because of how busy they were. Their absence may have caused them distress, thus any conflict provokes their inner fear of being left.
Someone who seems cold, distant, and overly independent may have had neglectful caregivers who have hardly ever helped them. Such people can have a deep conviction that people are inherently unreliable and they can only trust themselves for their own survival.
Those who seem to give mixed signals of love and withdrawal, may have had an unpredictable parental figure. Such parents may have been loving and comforting one day, but scary and brutal another. Love, for them, is never stable.
And, finally, those who trust easily and communicate freely most likely had caregivers who fulfilled their needs for stability, so they needn’t worry about their ability to form a bond.
Overall, really insightful. After you learn to identify your own attachment style, the author gives you numerous ways to work on it. Every one of us can develop a secure attachment with some effort—none of it is made in stone.
Sadly, I expected more depth in the theoretical part, so it is a book only for total beginners.
Growing up, every one of us forms a unique attachment style (ways we bond with other people). A secure style is healthy, others—not so. According to the theory and specialists who practice it, we all have one dominant style of the four mentioned above. We can’t really choose it—it depends on the upbringing we had and how well our parents responded to our needs.
For example, a person clingy and needy may have had a parent who wasn’t available for them because of how busy they were. Their absence may have caused them distress, thus any conflict provokes their inner fear of being left.
Someone who seems cold, distant, and overly independent may have had neglectful caregivers who have hardly ever helped them. Such people can have a deep conviction that people are inherently unreliable and they can only trust themselves for their own survival.
Those who seem to give mixed signals of love and withdrawal, may have had an unpredictable parental figure. Such parents may have been loving and comforting one day, but scary and brutal another. Love, for them, is never stable.
And, finally, those who trust easily and communicate freely most likely had caregivers who fulfilled their needs for stability, so they needn’t worry about their ability to form a bond.
Overall, really insightful. After you learn to identify your own attachment style, the author gives you numerous ways to work on it. Every one of us can develop a secure attachment with some effort—none of it is made in stone.
Sadly, I expected more depth in the theoretical part, so it is a book only for total beginners.
August 21, 2021
“As you can see, attachment styles have key subconscious triggers that occur because of the repetition of a specific emotion at a young age. These core wounds are then what produce automatic thoughts that must be witnessed to avoid perpetuating outdated beliefs.”~Thais Gibson
I've recently begun reading about and studying attachment theory to better understand the psychology of trauma responses. This book was highly informative, enlightening, validating, and eye-opening. Reading 'Attachment Theory' has made me more aware of my attachment style in different relationships (romantic, friendship, familial, job, etc) and has inspired me to dig deeper to better understand any of the 'insecure' attachment behaviors and thinking I may naturally exhibit that I can work on.
This is truly an excellent book to begin to study attachment theory and to understand how and why you are the way you are in your relationships with others. From secure attachment styles to insecure attachment styles Gibson goes into great detail and example scenarios of different pairings of attachment styles in a multitude of scenarios to better explain the concepts. Gibson also explains the courses of action that can be taken with each insecure attachment style to begin the process of healing and relational improvement reassuring that there is hope beyond trauma and deeply-ingrained beliefs. I love this book! It truly taught me so much.
I've recently begun reading about and studying attachment theory to better understand the psychology of trauma responses. This book was highly informative, enlightening, validating, and eye-opening. Reading 'Attachment Theory' has made me more aware of my attachment style in different relationships (romantic, friendship, familial, job, etc) and has inspired me to dig deeper to better understand any of the 'insecure' attachment behaviors and thinking I may naturally exhibit that I can work on.
This is truly an excellent book to begin to study attachment theory and to understand how and why you are the way you are in your relationships with others. From secure attachment styles to insecure attachment styles Gibson goes into great detail and example scenarios of different pairings of attachment styles in a multitude of scenarios to better explain the concepts. Gibson also explains the courses of action that can be taken with each insecure attachment style to begin the process of healing and relational improvement reassuring that there is hope beyond trauma and deeply-ingrained beliefs. I love this book! It truly taught me so much.
January 23, 2025
J’ai beaucoup appris et je me suis énormément reconnue dans certains types d’attachement. J’ai apprécié découvrir des techniques pour être plus consciente de mes émotions et comment ils impactent les relations dans ma vie. Je vais appliquer les trucs et me référer au livre dans le futur, c’est certain!
February 11, 2022
3.5 stars. This brief introduction into attachment theory helped fill in some gaps in my existing knowledge. I really liked the section that illustrated the likeliest highs and lows of each attachment style combination. I also felt like there were plenty of examples and couplings were inclusive.
April 17, 2020
Thais Gibson introduces the reader to attachment theory in this brief, concise book. I read it out loud with my partner, and we studied the information and assessed ourselves to learn more. I found the book helpful to identify my attachment style/s and how to work with them in relationship. There were times that the text was repetitive, but I also know that this is the only way to identify patterns and grow.
I know that from this book I have a set of skills to work with; I have identified some core subconscious fears and beliefs that motivate me in relationships (not just romantic, but also family and friends.) In addition, I have some tools to use in order to get myself into a better place in communication and cooperation. This seemed to be the goal of the author, and she succeeded well! Thanks, Callisto, for the review copy!
I know that from this book I have a set of skills to work with; I have identified some core subconscious fears and beliefs that motivate me in relationships (not just romantic, but also family and friends.) In addition, I have some tools to use in order to get myself into a better place in communication and cooperation. This seemed to be the goal of the author, and she succeeded well! Thanks, Callisto, for the review copy!
June 7, 2020
Really interesting. A guide to understanding your own bonding style and how to manage it, to improve all relationships in your life. Fascinating stuff.
March 15, 2021
2.5 Some interesting ideas, but because it's a mishmash, going to therapy in person would probably be better.
November 2, 2022
Completely unacceptable use of scientific theories to promote humbug
October 30, 2023
I'm familiar with attachment theory and studied it comprehensively for my undergrad, but that was a shit ton of years ago. This was a fantastic refresher with really great situational descriptions to go along with each attachment style and issues that they can face (alone and with one another). I appreciated that it did not zero in on only romantic relationships-- it made sure to discuss attachment styles across multiple types of relationships/partnerships. It's also written in a non-over-the-top academic way, making it super accessible.
4 stars!
4 stars!
June 17, 2022
I love this book! It had a lot of helpful exercises you can do to understand what type you are and how to become a more balanced individual. It also espouses 4 attachment types instead of three: anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, anxious attachment, and secure attachment.
Very Helpful!
Very Helpful!
June 3, 2025
One of the most helpful books I’ve read when it comes to relationships of any kind. It is also helpful for understanding personal thought processes and triggers based on childhood experiences. Highly recommend to anyone.
December 28, 2021
Very insightful
June 9, 2022
Life changing read. Author did a great job of making these theories so accessible and reference friendly.
One thing I wished the author did was discuss situations where one person didn’t abide by self awareness and the communication techniques she mentioned.
One thing I wished the author did was discuss situations where one person didn’t abide by self awareness and the communication techniques she mentioned.
November 8, 2023
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
June 29, 2024
A solid brief introduction with illustrative examples.
did-not-finish
June 2, 2025DNF at 13%. It's fine.
April 25, 2024
A good intro into if you’re someone who doesn’t know much. You’ll be able to identify what your situation is and possibly your partner as well. Gives you something to be aware of
July 24, 2024
Easy to understand, gave a good overview of all attachment styles. As someone starting to understand this, I appreciated the graphics and easily distributed information. Also gives a good overview of 3 tactics to handle conflict.
August 23, 2021
Gibson is a psychology educator with a Master’s in transpersonal psychology and two businesses where her role sounds most like a hybrid between guide and educator. Gibson is a bit agnostic, combining attachment theory with methods from mindfulness, cognitive behavioral therapy, hypnosis, and emotional focused therapy from Gary Craig, the RAIN method from Michele McDonald, and acceptance and commitment therapy. From these theories and techniques, Gibson has fashioned her own approaches for her own clients (again, not in the professional therapy sense) to transform their lives by understanding their attachment styles, being more mindful, and intentionally shifting how they related to others in their life.
The book is easy to read and on the shorter side. It can be read within several hours.
There are a few especially valuable things from this book besides its integrative approach to strategies for better mental health.
The first in an attachment style quiz that presents different feelings, thoughts, and behaviors associated with the four different attachment styles. This not only familiarizes the reader with general profiles but allows for spotting attachment styles in themselves and others, maybe ever shifting ways of navigating attachment needs depending on the context.
The second in the chapter on The Basic Four squared. These are short profiles of how each general attachment style might generally interact with the other attachment styles. This gives readers a very general overview of what people with various attachment styles might run into as far as fears and raw spots with one another. One unfortunate part of this section is the hypothetical people seem to be labeled the attachment styles. Gibson has only a helpful intent, but language matters and shapes our perceptions, and in no circumstance should someone be labeled an attachment style as an inflexible, rigid label. People are people who handle their relationship to vulnerability and potential changes in intimacy differently.
The third thing especially useful about this book is because its so new, the further reading bibliography is also of quite new internet sources. Gibson also does an excellent job of pulling in both academic and general sources and actually leans more toward academic sources like open-access journals like PLoS ONE, government websites, and university webpages with content written to be understood by the general adult.
The book is easy to read and on the shorter side. It can be read within several hours.
There are a few especially valuable things from this book besides its integrative approach to strategies for better mental health.
The first in an attachment style quiz that presents different feelings, thoughts, and behaviors associated with the four different attachment styles. This not only familiarizes the reader with general profiles but allows for spotting attachment styles in themselves and others, maybe ever shifting ways of navigating attachment needs depending on the context.
The second in the chapter on The Basic Four squared. These are short profiles of how each general attachment style might generally interact with the other attachment styles. This gives readers a very general overview of what people with various attachment styles might run into as far as fears and raw spots with one another. One unfortunate part of this section is the hypothetical people seem to be labeled the attachment styles. Gibson has only a helpful intent, but language matters and shapes our perceptions, and in no circumstance should someone be labeled an attachment style as an inflexible, rigid label. People are people who handle their relationship to vulnerability and potential changes in intimacy differently.
The third thing especially useful about this book is because its so new, the further reading bibliography is also of quite new internet sources. Gibson also does an excellent job of pulling in both academic and general sources and actually leans more toward academic sources like open-access journals like PLoS ONE, government websites, and university webpages with content written to be understood by the general adult.
August 11, 2022
Interesting and informative introduction to attachment theory and how it can be used in conjunction with things like meditation and CBT, but feels like it is trying to include too much information in a small number of pages. Certain parts could have been left out and others expanded upon (the relationship between different attachment styles for example).
It also makes a point to stress that these styles are fluid and vary over time and different relationship types then promptly goes on to give examples defined entirely by one attached style even going as far as to refer to individuals by their set form of attachment “the dismissive-avoidant”
October 8, 2022
I am truly convinced this is THE best book about attachment styles available out there!
Especially if you are interested in fearful-avoidant style, this is the one book that will not only mention 'oh yeah, that exists and is pretty messed up' but will go into details and base a lot of examples on it. It doesn't simplify other types either; Anxious isn't just a craving for attention victim and avoidants aren't cold and distant all the time.
It explains how different types can be triggered and how they are likely to react.
It spends a lot of time explaining dynamic between various combinations- potential threads and benefits too (and yeah, they are NOT as basic as 'any type will be successful dating a secure type' or 'avoidants and anxious will never under any circumstance be happy with each other'- in fact it gives insight to surprising but logical findings in each scenario).
It doesn't limit to romantic relationships only- it gives amazing examples of co-workers, friends and flatmates and how their conflicts arise due to their attachment styles and how both are likely to deal with it.
It proves we are all on spectrum- something very simple but comforting to know as those who have been struggling with their attachment style might find out they are very secure in other areas of life and never actually thought of it before.
Lastly, it offers a solution for each type (including secure) to better communication and enhance mutual understanding.
It is a fantastic book for anyone interested in the topic. Whether you are confused how to manage your own triggers or you are struggling to understand behaviour of your friend/colleague/romantic partner/family member this is a great book to dive into and get that beautiful knowledge guide you.
Especially if you are interested in fearful-avoidant style, this is the one book that will not only mention 'oh yeah, that exists and is pretty messed up' but will go into details and base a lot of examples on it. It doesn't simplify other types either; Anxious isn't just a craving for attention victim and avoidants aren't cold and distant all the time.
It explains how different types can be triggered and how they are likely to react.
It spends a lot of time explaining dynamic between various combinations- potential threads and benefits too (and yeah, they are NOT as basic as 'any type will be successful dating a secure type' or 'avoidants and anxious will never under any circumstance be happy with each other'- in fact it gives insight to surprising but logical findings in each scenario).
It doesn't limit to romantic relationships only- it gives amazing examples of co-workers, friends and flatmates and how their conflicts arise due to their attachment styles and how both are likely to deal with it.
It proves we are all on spectrum- something very simple but comforting to know as those who have been struggling with their attachment style might find out they are very secure in other areas of life and never actually thought of it before.
Lastly, it offers a solution for each type (including secure) to better communication and enhance mutual understanding.
It is a fantastic book for anyone interested in the topic. Whether you are confused how to manage your own triggers or you are struggling to understand behaviour of your friend/colleague/romantic partner/family member this is a great book to dive into and get that beautiful knowledge guide you.
January 20, 2021
A fantastic introduction to attachment theory. Thais also gives uses some types of therapy (CBT, EFT and RAIN) to help us heal our attachment styles and move toward a more secure attachment. I am happy to have read this and start implementing some of her recommendations into my life.
I especially liked that she was inclusive of LGBTQ2S+ instead of following in the footsteps of Attached and being super heteronormative (like a lot of the discourse surrounding attachment theory). She even used examples for folks who weren’t romantically involved, such as friends or family members, which was awesome because again attachment theory has historically focused mostly on (hetero) romantic couples and ignored other relationships most humans have, which I’m sure we can all agree is a bit of a blind spot! She even expanded on that by saying we may have different attachment styles depending on the relationship itself and encourages the reader to explore that.
A breath of fresh air.
I especially liked that she was inclusive of LGBTQ2S+ instead of following in the footsteps of Attached and being super heteronormative (like a lot of the discourse surrounding attachment theory). She even used examples for folks who weren’t romantically involved, such as friends or family members, which was awesome because again attachment theory has historically focused mostly on (hetero) romantic couples and ignored other relationships most humans have, which I’m sure we can all agree is a bit of a blind spot! She even expanded on that by saying we may have different attachment styles depending on the relationship itself and encourages the reader to explore that.
A breath of fresh air.
April 27, 2020
I love this book and love Thais. I found her on YouTube about 6 months ago and she has a gentle, soothing voice and is so good at explaining attachment theory and relationships. When I saw she was publishing a book, I wanted to support her and purchase it. I find it to be a good overview and introduction into attachment theory from a practical perspective. She includes realistic tools you can use to change from an insecure style to secure, which is often lacking in other books. It’s also a quick read and you can read it in a day. Highly recommend this book and this therapist on YouTube if you are looking to learn more about your attachment style and how to better relate and communicate.
August 1, 2022
Learning about Attachment Theory is eye opening. It helps me navigate why others and I act the way we are. Ever since I know about Attachment Theory, it's been my favorite topic.
It's crazy how our childhood (where we had no control over) affected our life journey. When we are aware of our doings as adults and acknowledge that there's something off, we make it easier to unlearn all those things we need to unlearn to be the better self.
We are all wired to be connected and having healthier, happier, and more fulfilling relationship with self and our loved ones.
Here's to all folks who moving towards to Secure Attachment Styles! 🤘
Ps. Somehow I can't afford to handle my heart with any Dismissive avoidant. Too draining, man.
It's crazy how our childhood (where we had no control over) affected our life journey. When we are aware of our doings as adults and acknowledge that there's something off, we make it easier to unlearn all those things we need to unlearn to be the better self.
We are all wired to be connected and having healthier, happier, and more fulfilling relationship with self and our loved ones.
Here's to all folks who moving towards to Secure Attachment Styles! 🤘
Ps. Somehow I can't afford to handle my heart with any Dismissive avoidant. Too draining, man.
February 17, 2021
This review is of a publisher’s copy.
As with many people, I wanted to raise my kids differently than my parents raised me. After a few situations that I later had to apologize for to my toddler, as it was the adult equivalent to a tantrum due to exhaustion and I’d expect the same from her, I have been trying to approach this in partnership with her. This book was very timely.
I am a Type A personality, so being able to classify myself into a particular Style and find what methods were best for me was helpful. Similar to other people’s feedback, I would have liked more insight into how, as my Style, could I interact with a different Style that would be satisfactory to us both.
As with many people, I wanted to raise my kids differently than my parents raised me. After a few situations that I later had to apologize for to my toddler, as it was the adult equivalent to a tantrum due to exhaustion and I’d expect the same from her, I have been trying to approach this in partnership with her. This book was very timely.
I am a Type A personality, so being able to classify myself into a particular Style and find what methods were best for me was helpful. Similar to other people’s feedback, I would have liked more insight into how, as my Style, could I interact with a different Style that would be satisfactory to us both.
April 28, 2021
Would have been five stars, but I was hoping the author would flesh out more in the section that paired the different dynamics of each style. Specifically I would have found it helpful to give precise pointers in helping meet the needs of the style being paired with.
And if that need doesn't "out" me as an Anxiously attached individual I dont know what would ;)
And if that need doesn't "out" me as an Anxiously attached individual I dont know what would ;)
August 30, 2022
Attachment theory has become a cornerstone factor in determining adolescent and even adult behavior patterns rooted in childhood development and trauma. To negate the intricate involvement of attachments in present-day adult therapy would be a gross oversight. Highly recommend this book as an initial journey for counselors seeking to engage patients with their attachments.
July 7, 2021
The best introduction to attachement theory out there for begginers or those who want to digest the concepts in easier terms!
December 25, 2021
Truth speak:
“Most of us think that we are arguing about being right versus being wrong. The truth is, we are almost always arguing about being seen, heard, and understood by our loved ones.”
“Most of us think that we are arguing about being right versus being wrong. The truth is, we are almost always arguing about being seen, heard, and understood by our loved ones.”
November 22, 2022
Fascinating theory to help you understand how your childhood may be affecting your daily interactions. The first section spells out the theory. There is practical advice in the latter sections.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 119 reviews