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Setting Boundaries Will Set You Free: The Ultimate Guide to Telling the Truth, Creating Connection, and Finding Freedom
Do you feel like you're a "pushover"? Do you let other people make all the plans--letting them pick the movie, the restaurant, or the vacation destination? Does self-care feel selfish to you? And do you find yourself feeling resentful toward others because they don't seem to take your needs into consideration?
Can you relate? If the answer is yes, this is the book for you!
In this book, master coach, speaker, and author Nancy Levin will help you establish clear and healthy boundaries. This isn't easy; many of us don't want to "rock the boat." We assume setting boundaries will lead to conflict. And, unfortunately, by avoiding conflict and not setting limits, we tend to choose long-term unhappiness instead of short-term discomfort.
This book includes exercises and practical tools to help even the most conflict-averse, people-pleasing readers learn new habits. You'll learn how to recognize and take inventory of your boundaries, view your boundaries differently by creating a Boundary Pyramid, learn how to say "no" effectively, and set your Bottom-Line Boundary. As your supportive guide, Nancy will show you how to gather the courage to live a life of "boundary badassery."
"This work was life-changing for me, and if you're someone who has avoided boundaries for years, it can change your life, too." -- Nancy Levin
Can you relate? If the answer is yes, this is the book for you!
In this book, master coach, speaker, and author Nancy Levin will help you establish clear and healthy boundaries. This isn't easy; many of us don't want to "rock the boat." We assume setting boundaries will lead to conflict. And, unfortunately, by avoiding conflict and not setting limits, we tend to choose long-term unhappiness instead of short-term discomfort.
This book includes exercises and practical tools to help even the most conflict-averse, people-pleasing readers learn new habits. You'll learn how to recognize and take inventory of your boundaries, view your boundaries differently by creating a Boundary Pyramid, learn how to say "no" effectively, and set your Bottom-Line Boundary. As your supportive guide, Nancy will show you how to gather the courage to live a life of "boundary badassery."
"This work was life-changing for me, and if you're someone who has avoided boundaries for years, it can change your life, too." -- Nancy Levin
256 pages, Paperback
Published January 12, 2021
439 people are currently reading
897 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 48 reviews
April 11, 2021
This is a book that really takes boundaries seriously and helps us realise where we lack them and how we allow others to cross them.
It makes us fully accountable for becoming aware of those areas of discomfort and unravelling the lack of a boundary underneath.
And then how to construct one and get used to doing that regularly.
But for many it will be baby steps first as some circumstances are so huge and long enduring that a boundary can seem like an impenetrable wall.
Nancy Levin is clearly the product of having done the work and her boundaries, as she describes them are "badass". The ease with which she suggests abandoning relationships was a little shocking to read at first, but then her clients and the case studies she shares, show how to slowly move more to a place of being comfortable saying no, and letting people know how one will take care of oneself when those boundaries are not respected.
All the solutions lie with the maker of the boundary, this isn't in any way about changing the other, though that may be a consequence of "badass boundary setting"!
A boundary is a limit that you set to define what you will and will not do, or what you will or will not tolerate from others.
It makes us fully accountable for becoming aware of those areas of discomfort and unravelling the lack of a boundary underneath.
By not setting boundaries, you abandon your true self.
And then how to construct one and get used to doing that regularly.
You are the one crossing your own boundaries. It's no one else's responsibility to see that your boundaries are not crossed.
But for many it will be baby steps first as some circumstances are so huge and long enduring that a boundary can seem like an impenetrable wall.
Nancy Levin is clearly the product of having done the work and her boundaries, as she describes them are "badass". The ease with which she suggests abandoning relationships was a little shocking to read at first, but then her clients and the case studies she shares, show how to slowly move more to a place of being comfortable saying no, and letting people know how one will take care of oneself when those boundaries are not respected.
You can't change others or force them to uphold your boundaries.
All the solutions lie with the maker of the boundary, this isn't in any way about changing the other, though that may be a consequence of "badass boundary setting"!
Becoming a boundary badass means that you care at least as much about your own wants and needs as you do about anyone else's.
September 22, 2021
Банально, но по теме. Интересный момент: если вас что-то напрягает или раздражает, то у вас тут не выставлены границы. Ребёнок взял деньги без спроса? Нарушил ваши (границы) договоренности на эту тему. И тп. Вот как то глобально я так не задумывалась. А когда злитесь, что проспали, то тут нарушили границы с самим собой. ( очень весело и много работы над собой:) )
February 4, 2020
Healthy selfishness. I like it.
I also like that the book doesn't just say, "Set boundaries" and then everything else will work out. It acknowledges that you might lose some friendships or hurt relationships, but it's for the best if it allows you to feel better and live a better life. I like this. I also like that it offers not having to apologize or offer an explanation for your boundary. I don't want to loan you money. Bottom line. No additional clarification.
I also like that the book doesn't just say, "Set boundaries" and then everything else will work out. It acknowledges that you might lose some friendships or hurt relationships, but it's for the best if it allows you to feel better and live a better life. I like this. I also like that it offers not having to apologize or offer an explanation for your boundary. I don't want to loan you money. Bottom line. No additional clarification.
December 17, 2022
Excellent book to go through in a group or with a friend. Also a worthy resource to keep afterward.
February 29, 2020
Great, Solid Advice!
This is a great, solid book. I have read a lot about boundaries in the past few years, so some of it wasn't new to me. But I really liked how the book is organized overall. It's thought-out and obviously written by someone who has been through their own journey with boundaries. There is a lot of wisdom in the book. As a recovering "nice person" (and I say that only half-jokingly), I would recommend this book as an insightful guide to anyone struggling with boundary setting.
This is a great, solid book. I have read a lot about boundaries in the past few years, so some of it wasn't new to me. But I really liked how the book is organized overall. It's thought-out and obviously written by someone who has been through their own journey with boundaries. There is a lot of wisdom in the book. As a recovering "nice person" (and I say that only half-jokingly), I would recommend this book as an insightful guide to anyone struggling with boundary setting.
July 20, 2021
So was I supposed to realize I had no boundaries before reading a book about it??
February 5, 2025
"Postavite granice" je knjiga koja razvlači jednu jednostavnu ideju na 200 strana, iako bi cela suština mogla stati u tri. Stil pisanja je monoton, saveti su površni, a sadržaj se vrti u krug bez ikakve dublje suštine. Umesto korisnih smernica, dobio sam utisak da autorka popunjava prostor bespotrebnim ponavljanjima. Ako već razmišljate o postavljanju granica, verovatno ih znate bolje nego što ih ova knjiga objašnjava.
November 29, 2020
I think the best parts of this book are the many relatable examples of boundaries other people set or struggle to set with themselves or others. She has you think about why you don’t set boundaries, the consequences you dread will happen if you set them, and the best outcomes that could happen by setting them. Nancy also really guides you through how to set boundaries and what to say. For example, one of the exercises in step 7 is to write your scripts. She has you say, “If you do X, I will take care of myself by doing Y”. In addition, she has you set beginner, intermediate and bottom-line (those crucial to your wellbeing) boundaries, so it’s not like you have to jump into the deep end; Nancy helps you wade into this world of boundaries.
I think one of the only things I would’ve liked to see is a section on boundaries you have in place that hold you back! I have been criticized of having an “automatic no”. I’m very good at immediately saying no to social activities. I guess I just need to assess the boundary I set without realizing it and work on making sure I really mean no.
I received this book through a subscription with CoachCrate. They write a guidebook for you to follow along with the book! It was incredibly helpful because there are a lot of exercises in this book in which you need to write things out. If I didn’t have the guide book, I probably would’ve just thought through the exercises instead of writing them all out.
I think one of the only things I would’ve liked to see is a section on boundaries you have in place that hold you back! I have been criticized of having an “automatic no”. I’m very good at immediately saying no to social activities. I guess I just need to assess the boundary I set without realizing it and work on making sure I really mean no.
I received this book through a subscription with CoachCrate. They write a guidebook for you to follow along with the book! It was incredibly helpful because there are a lot of exercises in this book in which you need to write things out. If I didn’t have the guide book, I probably would’ve just thought through the exercises instead of writing them all out.
January 14, 2021
I can’t believe I am giving a book that mentions the cooky marianne williamspn 5 stars but, this book is truly transformative. I listened to it on audiobook, read by the author, which I recommend. I learned so much about how to be more confident in myself and the boundaries I set, and not guilty, and not gaslit by the toxicity and abuse of others. I feel much more mature, clear, and guided after finishing this book- much more empowered and much less afraid. I feel able to guide myself and others into living lives of order and not chaos. Under capitalism, we are robbed of our autonomy, selves, and self-knowing- and setting boundaries requires we come back into relationship with these three. Human beings in any anarchist society will have to embrace the self-determination and collaborative skills of being able to speak our truths and set and respect our boundaries. My only feedback would be: more info on how to accept No from other people, and how to be more honestly compassionate when setting boundaries with others.
Honestly a great mix of spirituality and practice, of science and anecdotes and vision. Love!
Honestly a great mix of spirituality and practice, of science and anecdotes and vision. Love!
September 22, 2021
Хорошая книга с большим количеством практических занятий. Отлично подойдёт для тех кто хочет улучшить границы или в целом начать с ними работать. Некоторые истории героев внутри книги могут отвлекать или напрягать, но в целом нужны чтобы просто проиллюстрировать поинты из книги на жизненных ситуациях, если не интересно, просто скипайте их, ничего особо не потеряете
January 23, 2022
!!Суперполезнейшая!! книга - доходчивый ликбез и рабочая тетрадь с упражнениями по выстраиванию личных границ, выявлению негативных установок и внедрению позитивных убеждений. Людям кого ни родители, ни сама жизнь не научили тому что есть личные границы решительно рекомендую к прочтению и претворению в жизнь!
ПС: Буду перечитывать ещё не раз!
ПС: Буду перечитывать ещё не раз!
March 2, 2020
Useful guide to setting boundaries with loved ones. Relatable anecdotes about drawing a line and having the resolve and self-respect to set and enforce boundaries. It integrates visualization and meditation to ensure that these boundaries will stick, no matter peoples reactions to them. I learned that the onus on ME and only me to set and maintain boundaries, not on anyone else. It was validating to learn that so many people similarly struggle to stand up for and advocate for their own wants and needs, and treat others better than they treat themselves, at the expense of their long term mental and emotional health. Showed me that I deserve the same care I afford to everyone else in my life, and made me realize that being a caretaker has mostly just caused growing resentment over time, and has left me drained and depressed. We need to care for ourselves before we care for others! Good read.
March 6, 2025
My parents taught me that boundaries were something I wasn't entitled to and that though other people have them, I wouldn't discover what a boundary was, until I was in trouble for crossing it.
As an adult, I can say with great confidence that this is a classic example of what I like to call 'bad programming'. Sadly, since I had no other insights into boundaries, I passed a lot of this bad programming onto my kids, just because I didn't know any better.
Nancy Levin has laid it all out in very plain terms.
I am responsible for my own boundaries; not just for deciding what they should be. But also, I'm responsible for conveying them to other people and even for making sure they are upheld. At first, when I heard that (I listened to the audio version of this book) I felt great shame, but then I felt nervously powerful. In this book, the author gives clear advice on how to identify your boundaries, how to convey them to others and even how to uphold them. All information that I was desperate to know. I finished this book only three days ago and I can tell you, the boundaries I have expressed thus far have been terrifying, but every single one of them has improved my life. In my limited experience most people are actually very accommodating, once they know your boundaries.
Like me, You deserve boundaries. If you don't have any/enough; please read this book.
If you've ever felt like your boundaries are non existent or are constantly getting crossed; please read this book. If like me, you always thought a boundary was an invisible line that you could only identify, once crossing; please read this book. If you know someone who has crossed one of your boundaries or doesn't understand the idea of boundaries, maybe give them this book.
I really wish I had this as a teenager. It would have really helped me as an adult. I can't even picture the life I might have had, had I actually understood boundaries at a younger age. So many frustrations could have easily been avoided, by just having the knowledge outlined in this simple, yet profound book.
The meditations are simple, straightforward and incredibly helpful. I wish I could give this book to all the 13 year old's out there. This book should be taught in middle school, imho. (Although, she does give a few personal examples that might be difficult to hear/read for some.) But knowledge is power and this book is full of knowledge that all humans should have. Just read it.
As an adult, I can say with great confidence that this is a classic example of what I like to call 'bad programming'. Sadly, since I had no other insights into boundaries, I passed a lot of this bad programming onto my kids, just because I didn't know any better.
Nancy Levin has laid it all out in very plain terms.
I am responsible for my own boundaries; not just for deciding what they should be. But also, I'm responsible for conveying them to other people and even for making sure they are upheld. At first, when I heard that (I listened to the audio version of this book) I felt great shame, but then I felt nervously powerful. In this book, the author gives clear advice on how to identify your boundaries, how to convey them to others and even how to uphold them. All information that I was desperate to know. I finished this book only three days ago and I can tell you, the boundaries I have expressed thus far have been terrifying, but every single one of them has improved my life. In my limited experience most people are actually very accommodating, once they know your boundaries.
Like me, You deserve boundaries. If you don't have any/enough; please read this book.
If you've ever felt like your boundaries are non existent or are constantly getting crossed; please read this book. If like me, you always thought a boundary was an invisible line that you could only identify, once crossing; please read this book. If you know someone who has crossed one of your boundaries or doesn't understand the idea of boundaries, maybe give them this book.
I really wish I had this as a teenager. It would have really helped me as an adult. I can't even picture the life I might have had, had I actually understood boundaries at a younger age. So many frustrations could have easily been avoided, by just having the knowledge outlined in this simple, yet profound book.
The meditations are simple, straightforward and incredibly helpful. I wish I could give this book to all the 13 year old's out there. This book should be taught in middle school, imho. (Although, she does give a few personal examples that might be difficult to hear/read for some.) But knowledge is power and this book is full of knowledge that all humans should have. Just read it.
September 4, 2020
I think this is the single best book I have read on setting boundaries to change your choices, your self-esteem and your life. I've audited a lot of boundary books - because it's a constant issue with clients.
I'm in the process of changing and updating the books I recommend to clients and in the process of doing that I snagged an Arc of this.
I loved it so much I bought the audiobook when it came out so I could add it to my personal library and listen to it. (I find I take ideas in differently when I listen rather than read.)
If you're unsure whether it's for you - I recommend getting the free sample from Amazon - several clients I recommended that to have been so blown away they ended up buying it.
I'm in the process of changing and updating the books I recommend to clients and in the process of doing that I snagged an Arc of this.
I loved it so much I bought the audiobook when it came out so I could add it to my personal library and listen to it. (I find I take ideas in differently when I listen rather than read.)
If you're unsure whether it's for you - I recommend getting the free sample from Amazon - several clients I recommended that to have been so blown away they ended up buying it.
January 13, 2022
This book and learning to set boundaries has changed my life! When I first started the book I thought there's no way I'm going to be able to change my circumstances. Wow, the author walks you through an entire journey about why you're not honoring or even setting your own boundaries. I learned a lot about myself and how I am codependent and a people pleaser. She walks you through starting with small and easy to set boundaries before embarking on the bigger ones. I SO highly recommend this book for anyone feeling burnt out, resentful, tired, overwhelmed, or bull dozed in life!
June 11, 2023
Well.. I honestly started reading this book in 2021. I guess I finally took it serious at the end of last year? Not sure. Anywho, it’s not a bad book — but it is a hard book to read with a lot of deep thought and work required. Ms. Nancy implemented quite a bit of tedious exercises and meditations that ARE helpful. However, it didn’t necessarily make it an easy, fun read.
I will say I learned a lot and would recommend to someone who may be on the journey of boundary building, but would not call it a traditional book. Be ready to put in some work.
I will say I learned a lot and would recommend to someone who may be on the journey of boundary building, but would not call it a traditional book. Be ready to put in some work.
January 5, 2021
I can't say enough good things about this book. Nancy Levin should know that her book "Jump and Your Life Will Appear" helped me leave an unhappy marriage a few years ago. After some time away from her books, returning to this one is exactly what I needed. I love her writing style and I appreciate the practical exercises, action-based suggestions and meditation prompts that are part of every chapter. If you're new to setting boundaries or need a refresher, I highly recommend this book.
March 17, 2021
I didn't personally like the narrator's way of reading, her voice was too shrill for my liking. I didn't get any"Aha" moments, but I'm not in touch with where I need to set boundaries yet.. maybe this will suit someone who's pretty clear on where they need to set them and how to do it and just need a nudge..not a ABC course in boundaries like I feel I might. I'm not dissing it at all, just not for me.
June 18, 2021
For those of you who read some books on "finances" we often see the phrase, Pay yourself first. The same principle applies when it comes to setting boundaries, Respect yourself first. We have been mislead our whole life to be selfless and put ourselves last. I wish I knew about these concepts from early childhood. I strongly recommend this book to anyone who doesn't feel like they are respected for who they are and what they stand for in life.
December 27, 2023
This is one book that I recommend to all my friends. I can’t say enough positive things about it. As recovering people pleaser and someone who was raised in toxic environment I always felt like I have to do everything for others not for myself. But it was something that was valid when I was a kid. Not so much for adult life. Still - I was stuck in this mindset. That’s why such books are invaluable for me.
January 23, 2020
I've been following Nancy for a while now and I think this is her best book yet. She offers practical, common sense tips and advice for recovering people pleasers like me. I'm learning to flex my "boundary muscle" more and more and I find her examples in the book very relatable. Thank you Nancy for another great book and resource.
February 20, 2020
I couldn’t finish it, this book made me too anxious. If you just learned how to set your boundaries, and then read this book, it will probably happen to you too. All this stories of her clients made me want to scream, literally. I couldn’t even look at the cover without feeling annoyed and irritated. But maybe it’s just me, so 3 stars.
March 3, 2021
I really need to learn to set boundaries, but this book fell short for me. I am a very non-confrontational person, and it doesn't address how to overcome the fear of rejection that causes us to abandon or never set boundaries. It is something that you are either taught as a kid, if you are lucky, or that you struggle to do for your entire life.
October 11, 2024
The author opens the book with not having boundaries is what caused her to have an affair on her (then) husband and was upset when he kicked her out of the house after discovering it.
Don't they say - only take advice from people that you respect? I am setting boundaries for myself from following anything that this woman says!
Next!
Don't they say - only take advice from people that you respect? I am setting boundaries for myself from following anything that this woman says!
Next!
May 2, 2020
I identified so much with the author's story and many of the other examples. I enjoyed this book and it taught me a lot that I would like to apply to my life. If boundaries are something you struggle with I highly recommend this book.
August 4, 2020
This book changed my life. I am finally setting firm boundaries, without carrying the guilt that comes with worrying about other’s feelings, and not caring for my own. I highly recommend it for anyone who is an empath, a people pleaser, or who struggles with codependency.
February 2, 2021
This is an engaging and easy to follow book. The author writes with great empathy whilst also setting forth the reasons that people should fight through their fears and set boundaries. I will be coming back to this book for further reflection and guidance.
October 13, 2022
Нудятина. Не знаю, я считаю почти все книги МИФа (за редким исключением) переливанием из пустого в порожнее, хорошо, что скачала онлайн и не покупала ее. Для мямлей и тряпок. Лично для меня была бестолковая. Какие-то сеансы медитаций еще зачем-то повторяются на протяжении книги. Чушь полная.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 17, 2020
One of the best self help books I've read. The exercises are real. The explanation of certain behaviors like co-dependency and guilt are very well communicated.
September 6, 2020
Ugh, I wish that I had this book 10 years ago *and* that everyone would read this book/have this information. By far, my favorite boundaries book.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 48 reviews