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Alone in Plain Sight: Searching for Connection When You're Seen but Not Known
Are you tired of people knowing who you are but no one really knowing you?
As the star of the twentieth season of The Bachelor, Ben Higgins looked like he had it all together. Instead, Ben felt dissatisfied, fearful, and deeply alone. Like so many of us, he thought of himself as the kid who never got picked for the game, the person always on the outside of the joke, the friend who knew a lot of people but was never truly known. He wondered if he mattered at all.
In Alone in Plain Sight, Ben vulnerably shares how he found authentic connection with himself, with others, and with God. As Ben helps us name our own yearning for meaning, he explores ways to understand ourselves more deeply so that we are free to connect with others;
how shared pain can bridge even the widest gaps between two very different people;
why we must deconstruct our culture’s fairy-tale view of love; and
how the God who longs for relationship with us is the answer to our need for connection.
As Ben discovered, in a disconnected world, it is still possible to have lasting purpose and peace. You are already known. You are already loved. You are already seen. Discover how to live out how much you matter as you embrace the true meaning of your one incredible life.
As the star of the twentieth season of The Bachelor, Ben Higgins looked like he had it all together. Instead, Ben felt dissatisfied, fearful, and deeply alone. Like so many of us, he thought of himself as the kid who never got picked for the game, the person always on the outside of the joke, the friend who knew a lot of people but was never truly known. He wondered if he mattered at all.
In Alone in Plain Sight, Ben vulnerably shares how he found authentic connection with himself, with others, and with God. As Ben helps us name our own yearning for meaning, he explores ways to understand ourselves more deeply so that we are free to connect with others;
how shared pain can bridge even the widest gaps between two very different people;
why we must deconstruct our culture’s fairy-tale view of love; and
how the God who longs for relationship with us is the answer to our need for connection.
As Ben discovered, in a disconnected world, it is still possible to have lasting purpose and peace. You are already known. You are already loved. You are already seen. Discover how to live out how much you matter as you embrace the true meaning of your one incredible life.
240 pages, Hardcover
First published February 2, 2021
91 people are currently reading
2413 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 189 reviews
February 2, 2021
Reading “Alone in Plain Sight” is like finally catching up with one of your dearest friends that you don’t get to see very often, but feels like no time has passed at all each time you’re together. It doesn’t waste any words or any time and cuts straight to the heart of every important topic that needs to be covered. It lays it all out on the table and leaves you craving more. It wrecks you a little because it’s the real, good, gritty conversation that you didn’t know you had been missing. It makes you wonder why you ever hesitate to uncover the “real you” with those you know and meet, because by not doing so, you miss out on true connection with other people and opportunities to relate to and love each other fully. And it all points back to the faithfulness of God - the One who is leading and guiding and orchestrating our lives so that we can better love one another and rediscover the purposes He has created us for.
Thank you, Ben, for doing the work in your own life and being brave enough to share what you’ve learned with the rest of us. And thank you for using the platform you’ve been given to highlight things that really matter. Between spreading awareness about Humanity & Hope United and Generous Coffee, to writing this powerful book that goes far beyond a simple “tell all”, you are making a difference by connecting people to new communities and helping them see life’s purpose beyond themselves.
Thank you, Ben, for doing the work in your own life and being brave enough to share what you’ve learned with the rest of us. And thank you for using the platform you’ve been given to highlight things that really matter. Between spreading awareness about Humanity & Hope United and Generous Coffee, to writing this powerful book that goes far beyond a simple “tell all”, you are making a difference by connecting people to new communities and helping them see life’s purpose beyond themselves.
March 14, 2021
**5 stars**
Wow. I’m not much of a self-help book reader but this book struck a chord with me. I loved that Ben Higgins didn’t choose to write a Bachelor Tell All. He chose to write something that other people can benefit from especially during this tough times when some people are feeling alone.
There were so many important life lessons that Ben talked about in this book that I’ll apply in my life. For a long time during the pandemic, I had moments of self-pity, which left me feeling helpless and alone. I have spent my time wondering if there’s anything wrong with me or if I’ll ever be good enough for anyone else. One particular chapter in this book that I found relatable was when he talked about rejection. When we get rejected by others, we tend to take that to heart leaving us broken and empty. He emphasized that we must change our perspective that rejection is not about us. “Man’s rejection is God’s protection.” Wow, what a powerful statement yet it rings true. Oftentimes, we can’t stop questioning ourselves the things we did wrong when we get rejected. As a result, we start to become someone we’re not, just for others to accept us, and that shouldn’t be the case.
This book came at the perfect time in my life when I needed it the most. It was therapeutic and comforting. I would read and listen to it again during times when I need something to motivate me. Thank you Ben Higgins for writing this.
Wow. I’m not much of a self-help book reader but this book struck a chord with me. I loved that Ben Higgins didn’t choose to write a Bachelor Tell All. He chose to write something that other people can benefit from especially during this tough times when some people are feeling alone.
There were so many important life lessons that Ben talked about in this book that I’ll apply in my life. For a long time during the pandemic, I had moments of self-pity, which left me feeling helpless and alone. I have spent my time wondering if there’s anything wrong with me or if I’ll ever be good enough for anyone else. One particular chapter in this book that I found relatable was when he talked about rejection. When we get rejected by others, we tend to take that to heart leaving us broken and empty. He emphasized that we must change our perspective that rejection is not about us. “Man’s rejection is God’s protection.” Wow, what a powerful statement yet it rings true. Oftentimes, we can’t stop questioning ourselves the things we did wrong when we get rejected. As a result, we start to become someone we’re not, just for others to accept us, and that shouldn’t be the case.
This book came at the perfect time in my life when I needed it the most. It was therapeutic and comforting. I would read and listen to it again during times when I need something to motivate me. Thank you Ben Higgins for writing this.
January 5, 2024
He is my favorite bachelor, Huge fan!
He really opened up and wrote a beautiful memoir, However I'm not religious and this book is VERY religious, So I didn't love the book, But really enjoyed him opening up!
He really opened up and wrote a beautiful memoir, However I'm not religious and this book is VERY religious, So I didn't love the book, But really enjoyed him opening up!
February 4, 2021
Thank you to Thomas Nelson for my copy of Alone in Plain Sight in exchange for my honest review.
Ben Higgins, star of the 20th season of the Bachelor is known by many, but is HE really known. Alone in Plain Sight is Ben’s completely vulnerable memoir of how he found his authentic connection with others, with God, and with himself.
If you’re looking for a “Bachelor Tell-All”, this isn’t the book for you. However, if you’re a fan of fan-fave Ben Higgins, then I’d definitely recommend this book. I will note, this book is a little more faith-based than I expected, not in a bad way at all, but important to know before you dive into this one.
I’ve always been a fan of Ben and what I’ve seen for his kind soul and ability to give grace to others. His IG bio has one of my favourite quotes, “Be kind, for everyone you know is fighting a hard battle,” and this book is essentially Ben’s “battle”.
There’s something about Ben’s storytelling that makes you feel less alone and his memoir showcases his true vulnerabilities behind “the perfect Ben”. Sharing experiences of his own life and the lives of his friends, Ben recounts how he lost and found God. As genuine and kind as Ben seems, his writing and his experiences are raw and an excellent portrayal of his personality.
Content warnings: Cancer, car accident, addition, cystic fibrosis, fertility problems
Ben Higgins, star of the 20th season of the Bachelor is known by many, but is HE really known. Alone in Plain Sight is Ben’s completely vulnerable memoir of how he found his authentic connection with others, with God, and with himself.
If you’re looking for a “Bachelor Tell-All”, this isn’t the book for you. However, if you’re a fan of fan-fave Ben Higgins, then I’d definitely recommend this book. I will note, this book is a little more faith-based than I expected, not in a bad way at all, but important to know before you dive into this one.
I’ve always been a fan of Ben and what I’ve seen for his kind soul and ability to give grace to others. His IG bio has one of my favourite quotes, “Be kind, for everyone you know is fighting a hard battle,” and this book is essentially Ben’s “battle”.
There’s something about Ben’s storytelling that makes you feel less alone and his memoir showcases his true vulnerabilities behind “the perfect Ben”. Sharing experiences of his own life and the lives of his friends, Ben recounts how he lost and found God. As genuine and kind as Ben seems, his writing and his experiences are raw and an excellent portrayal of his personality.
Content warnings: Cancer, car accident, addition, cystic fibrosis, fertility problems
February 1, 2021
Wow. I don’t really know where to begin. Ben Higgins writes a deeply personal account of how he lost his connection with friends, family, and most importantly God. There were several moments in Ben’s life where he felt all alone. We all feel those moments when we seem to pull away from those closest to us. Ben shares an honest account of how his relationships were leaving him unfulfilled and lonely.
We know Ben as being this upbeat young man from the Bachelor reality series. We fell in love with his humbleness and determination to find love. We went on that journey alongside him. This incredible book allows us to go on another journey much different than the one we saw on TV. We all feel lost at times. We all feel disconnected, but to lose that disconnection with Jesus punches you in the gut. Ben’s honest retelling of this inspires me to stop and put things in perspective. This is a book of hope, restoration, and love. Run and pick up a copy today. You will not be disappointed. In fact, buy two, because you will want to share!
We know Ben as being this upbeat young man from the Bachelor reality series. We fell in love with his humbleness and determination to find love. We went on that journey alongside him. This incredible book allows us to go on another journey much different than the one we saw on TV. We all feel lost at times. We all feel disconnected, but to lose that disconnection with Jesus punches you in the gut. Ben’s honest retelling of this inspires me to stop and put things in perspective. This is a book of hope, restoration, and love. Run and pick up a copy today. You will not be disappointed. In fact, buy two, because you will want to share!
December 8, 2021
Book 202 of 2021
Let me start by saying I hate rating non-fiction books. For one, they’re not usually my jam. I feel super ADHD & antsy when I read non-fiction. It also feels so personal to the author, so rating it feels wrong.
I liked this letter, of sorts, by Ben Higgins. One thing I thought he did really well was story-telling. He includes many short stories that read beautifully on the page. I felt like I was sitting and having a conversation with him. Other parts felt a little stiff & more in line with a college paper.
Overall, I really enjoyed this book, and I think the messages are timely in today’s culture. We are not alone. God has designed and created us to live in community with Him and one another. There are some really great reminders in here. I appreciated his vulnerability & how open he was. That couldn’t have been easy.
Format: ebook (library)—would probably recommend as an audiobook due to the style of story-telling
Let me start by saying I hate rating non-fiction books. For one, they’re not usually my jam. I feel super ADHD & antsy when I read non-fiction. It also feels so personal to the author, so rating it feels wrong.
I liked this letter, of sorts, by Ben Higgins. One thing I thought he did really well was story-telling. He includes many short stories that read beautifully on the page. I felt like I was sitting and having a conversation with him. Other parts felt a little stiff & more in line with a college paper.
Overall, I really enjoyed this book, and I think the messages are timely in today’s culture. We are not alone. God has designed and created us to live in community with Him and one another. There are some really great reminders in here. I appreciated his vulnerability & how open he was. That couldn’t have been easy.
Format: ebook (library)—would probably recommend as an audiobook due to the style of story-telling
February 14, 2021
I really enjoyed this book. I needed a book like this in my life right now. Maybe due to the pandemic, maybe not, I was feeling alone, no one to talk to, no one to connect with. Ben's discussions and experiences with feeling alone really struck a chord with me. One thing that really stuck out to me was his excerpts about "addiction to pity". I relate to this so much, but I wasn't aware of it. This book has helped me become more self aware and feel better about my relationships, and creating new connections and relationships. I must admit, I'm not at a point in my life where I want to ponder the presence, or lack there of, of God (and I may never be) so I skipped a lot of the chapter about God. I'd highly recommend this book to anyone who thinks they need help with feeling alone, unloved, help with connecting to people on a more meaningful level, and beginning the path to realizing your purpose in life.
June 13, 2023
I actually loved this book, and found it very moving and spiritually enlightening!
February 3, 2021
The way Ben has used his platform for the greater good of people truly shows how genuine his heart is. Everything he says and does comes from the heart. This book is no different. Raw and refreshing, Ben captures you with something I feel most people have experienced in their lives but hate to admit. The connections we create with others around us can really mold us into who we are. If you’re feeling a little empty especially from this past year, take some time to read this book. The connection will be there.
December 21, 2020
“We may may alone in plain sight, but none of us are, we can be here for one another. All we have to do is reach out”
Alone in Plain Sight was such an amazing read. While reading this book, I’ve felt deeply, laughed and learned to love deeper and why true connection is so important.
Co-founder of Generous coffee, Higgins, dives into connecting with Self, Others, Romantically and with Connecting with God.
He shares stories about close friends and himself through each section of the book. The stories he shares are heartwarming stories about connecting in pain, hardship, and how suffering through different scenarios can bring you closer to the people around you if you let it.
Higgins’ writing style pulls you in and captivates you quickly. He makes it feel like he is talking to you in person, instead of through the book. I can say I am thoroughly impressed with this book and cannot recommend it enough!!! Every reader will be able to connect with some part of this book and learn and take away other things from reading this book as well.
Alone in Plain Sight was such an amazing read. While reading this book, I’ve felt deeply, laughed and learned to love deeper and why true connection is so important.
Co-founder of Generous coffee, Higgins, dives into connecting with Self, Others, Romantically and with Connecting with God.
He shares stories about close friends and himself through each section of the book. The stories he shares are heartwarming stories about connecting in pain, hardship, and how suffering through different scenarios can bring you closer to the people around you if you let it.
Higgins’ writing style pulls you in and captivates you quickly. He makes it feel like he is talking to you in person, instead of through the book. I can say I am thoroughly impressed with this book and cannot recommend it enough!!! Every reader will be able to connect with some part of this book and learn and take away other things from reading this book as well.
July 1, 2021
I read this early as part of the launch team for the book. Ben’s book was truly a delight to read. If you’ve ever struggled with feeling alone, anxiety, confidence, or a multitude of issues, you will quickly find yourself relating to Ben. If you think this isn’t possible because he was once on TV, you are mistaken. He includes stories of people in his life that are inspiring and evoke the emotions. This is not a Bachelor tell-all book if that is what you are hoping for, but it is so much more than that. I definitely recommend this book.
December 17, 2020
I received a complimentary copy of this book from Thomas Nelson through NetGalley. Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own.
Being a fan of The Bachelor and having watched Ben's season, I knew what kind of person he was and how much he stuck to his morals. The book starts where he mentions a girl suffering from cystic fibrosis and how her friend reached out to him to send her a message of encouragement and he did just that on her Instagram page and he later asked for her number and then they started messaging back and forth and became fast friends. I love how Ben makes a point to allow human connection in your life and just because you are single does not mean you have to be alone and if you open your heart, people will come. I knew he was down to earth but now reading Alone in Plain Sight I see how open he can be and how sincere and honest he is which made me even more of a fan. Regardless if our library community has seen the Bachelor, I think they will appreciate the honesty and sincerity Ben has to offer in this book.
We will consider adding this title to our Biography collection at our library. That is why we give this book 5 stars.
Being a fan of The Bachelor and having watched Ben's season, I knew what kind of person he was and how much he stuck to his morals. The book starts where he mentions a girl suffering from cystic fibrosis and how her friend reached out to him to send her a message of encouragement and he did just that on her Instagram page and he later asked for her number and then they started messaging back and forth and became fast friends. I love how Ben makes a point to allow human connection in your life and just because you are single does not mean you have to be alone and if you open your heart, people will come. I knew he was down to earth but now reading Alone in Plain Sight I see how open he can be and how sincere and honest he is which made me even more of a fan. Regardless if our library community has seen the Bachelor, I think they will appreciate the honesty and sincerity Ben has to offer in this book.
We will consider adding this title to our Biography collection at our library. That is why we give this book 5 stars.
January 17, 2021
If you are looking to connect (or reconnect) with yourself, with others, with your faith... Ben uses his unique life experiences to help others do just that.
As someone who always struggled with the question “where do I belong” I have walked away with the comfort of knowing I am not alone and the human desire to feel loved runs deep inside all of us.
As someone who always struggled with the question “where do I belong” I have walked away with the comfort of knowing I am not alone and the human desire to feel loved runs deep inside all of us.
February 12, 2021
This book provides much needed perspective and brought me back to the core if my faith and purpose in life. I appreciated Ben’s vulnerability in sharing his relatable doubts and the reminder of God’s steadfast presence through them all. Through reading these pages I am reaffirmed in my belief that loving God means loving others.
January 27, 2022
Well done, Mr. Higgins. My favorite Cubs loving Bachelor wrote a faith filled, love centered memoir less focused on his insta-fame and more on his love for Jesus and how that looks under the spotlight.
Read
February 7, 2021i'm sorry, i had to
December 9, 2021
Bit of a mixture between a self help book and Christian literature. If you’re looking for a Bachelor tell all this isn’t it. Still love Ben Higgins though
January 20, 2022
Really enjoyed Ben’s take on faith, genuine and not a fluffy book. Would recommend!
June 21, 2023
This book is 3.5 stars, but Ben Higgins is still 5 stars to me⭐️✨
February 15, 2021
This book wasn’t quite what I expected, but it was really well-written and provided some humbling stories that made me think about life a little differently. More religious references than I expected, but I still enjoyed the overall messaging and Ben’s narration.
January 27, 2021
I received an advanced copy from NetGalley and Thomas Nelson.
Even if you aren't familiar with the ins and outs of the hit TV shows "The Bachelor/Bachelorette", you know enough to know that the show shines a bright spotlight on it's cast.
When Ben Higgins confessed to the world that he felt ‘unlovable’ during his time on "The Bachelorette", he became America's favorite bachelor. Now, in his book, "Alone in Plain Sight", Ben shares why he felt unworthy along with what has shaped him into the man he is today.
In this very honest and personal memoir, Ben shares the lessons he has learned about connecting with yourself, others, and religion. He shares insights on asking hard questions, even when no real answer is always available. Ben doesn’t use his celebrity status to push simple fixes, but instead uses his familiar face and name to let his readers know that they all have a life that matters.
Even if you aren't familiar with the ins and outs of the hit TV shows "The Bachelor/Bachelorette", you know enough to know that the show shines a bright spotlight on it's cast.
When Ben Higgins confessed to the world that he felt ‘unlovable’ during his time on "The Bachelorette", he became America's favorite bachelor. Now, in his book, "Alone in Plain Sight", Ben shares why he felt unworthy along with what has shaped him into the man he is today.
In this very honest and personal memoir, Ben shares the lessons he has learned about connecting with yourself, others, and religion. He shares insights on asking hard questions, even when no real answer is always available. Ben doesn’t use his celebrity status to push simple fixes, but instead uses his familiar face and name to let his readers know that they all have a life that matters.
May 9, 2024
Ben Higgins 🤝🏻 HR Conferences
May 11, 2021
Not at all what you expect it to be--this isn't a book about The Bachelor or his time on TV. Instead, Ben Higgins spends most of the book pouring out his insecurities and self-pity in depressing stories that are mostly about sick people, then adds misinterpreted Bible verses to support his mediocre points about needing to connect with others.
This is very much a Millennial book, and that's not a compliment--it reflects the anxious unhappiness of Millennials that want constant attention and bonding with others (what Higgins called "connection") because they believe so little in themselves. These are daycare kids that can't go a moment being alone or they fall into a deep funk. Since he is an only child he claims he always feels left out or ignored, when in truth the guy got more attention than most normal people do.
There's no more than about ten pages out of a very short 200-page book that are devoted to his Bachelor story. This is a mistake. People want to read about his time on the TV show, not be preached at by an unqualified author. It's unclear why this book was even published--did he get a contract from Nelson (a Christian book company) and then figure out his subject?
I do admire him for standing up to those who claim that America is "more divided today than anytime in history." He slams them for good reason. I also appreciate his willingness to open up about his faith, though it's too much in this context, he's pretty vague regarding specifics about what that faith is, and he manages to criticize Catholicism and Orthodoxy along the way.
It's mostly him bragging about all that he has accomplished with others, promoting his coffee company, mixed with incredible doubts and insecurities. The whole thing doesn't make a cohesive picture. If he thinks he's inspiring us with his whining, he's not. He needs some serious counseling or mental health help, and a few good courses on Bible interpretation might help as well. Next time write a book that truly reveals what we all want to know about him--that's the connection the audience wants to have with him.
This is very much a Millennial book, and that's not a compliment--it reflects the anxious unhappiness of Millennials that want constant attention and bonding with others (what Higgins called "connection") because they believe so little in themselves. These are daycare kids that can't go a moment being alone or they fall into a deep funk. Since he is an only child he claims he always feels left out or ignored, when in truth the guy got more attention than most normal people do.
There's no more than about ten pages out of a very short 200-page book that are devoted to his Bachelor story. This is a mistake. People want to read about his time on the TV show, not be preached at by an unqualified author. It's unclear why this book was even published--did he get a contract from Nelson (a Christian book company) and then figure out his subject?
I do admire him for standing up to those who claim that America is "more divided today than anytime in history." He slams them for good reason. I also appreciate his willingness to open up about his faith, though it's too much in this context, he's pretty vague regarding specifics about what that faith is, and he manages to criticize Catholicism and Orthodoxy along the way.
It's mostly him bragging about all that he has accomplished with others, promoting his coffee company, mixed with incredible doubts and insecurities. The whole thing doesn't make a cohesive picture. If he thinks he's inspiring us with his whining, he's not. He needs some serious counseling or mental health help, and a few good courses on Bible interpretation might help as well. Next time write a book that truly reveals what we all want to know about him--that's the connection the audience wants to have with him.
April 26, 2021
I really enjoyed Ben Higgins' memoir. I was a fan of his on the bachelor and have always liked following him on social media as he comes across as a genuine and kind person, which this book confirms. This is not the juicy, tell-all bachelor memoir that some people may be wanting, but instead is more of his faith journey. I enjoyed listening to his stories and felt like he touched on a lot of points that many people will connect to, myself included. Ben is honest and raw, and though he is still young, he has had many experiences in his life that have shaped him into someone wise beyond his years.
Thank you to Thomas Nelson via Netgalley for an advanced copy to review.
Thank you to Thomas Nelson via Netgalley for an advanced copy to review.
March 31, 2021
I’m not a Bachelor super-fan, but I have seen several seasons, including Ben’s two seasons, so when I saw he had a book out, I was curious to see what he had to say.
The writing (in terms of organization and repetitiveness) was mediocre, but considering he’s not necessarily an aspiring writer and this was his first book, I think it fit with the purpose of the book and spoke to his authenticity, transparency, and honesty.
I think it was courageous for him to use his platform from being on TV to write what he did. There are a lot of fans disappointed by ‘Alone in Plain Sight’ because it wasn’t a Bachelor Tell-All exposé. But I think what he wrote is evidence that he truly cares about his fans. Instead of giving them the juicy details they want, he gives them the truth they need.
“I want to speak to those of us who feel a bit lost, those of us who struggle with life’s disappointments and unanswerable questions. Rather than offer platitudes and cliches, I want to invite you to explore the dark questions with me, with the hope that together we can discover the light.”
In reality, especially this last year, I think we’ve all felt alone, disconnected, and isolated at some point. And that won’t go away with 240 pages of behind-the-scenes Bachelor stories. He cares enough to not allow us to just band-aid our isolation with shallow distractions but offers a remedy for our emotional wounds. A remedy you won’t really find in most Hollywood productions—a relationship with Jesus Christ. And I respect him for making the unpopular choice to write about his faith instead of his fame.
I knew he was a person of faith from his seasons [Sidenote: having his pastor come to the After the Final Rose show was one of the most awkward moments, right?!] , but when he utilized the fantasy suite, I wondered to what depth his faith really went. He didn’t touch on that decision in this book, but based on everything else he said, his faith does seem genuine.
He seeks to help us reconnect in an age of high visibility but little depth (aka social media; for him- also TV) . People only know what we let them see—usually the good stuff. What do we do with the rest? Can anyone love me with full knowledge of everything I am? Loneliness, isolation, rejection, and putting on a facade all result in questions like- Who am I? Why am I here? What’s the point? What am I missing?
Ben, through anecdotes from family and friends, his own personal vulnerability, and a broad look at the Bible, takes us on a journey to find identity, meaning, and hope, with a dash of love advice.
“Most of my life I’ve mistakenly believed that sticking a label on my forehead somehow tells the truth about who I really am… Every time I stumble upon a label I think might identify me, it eventually gets stripped away.”
I love that! 'As if labels equal truth!' Labels are rampant these days (look no further than identity politics), and we are constantly trying to evaluate which groups we belong to. Or we only see ourselves in terms of what we do- our job and accomplishments. But as Ben said, every label, group, job, and achievement will fall short and disappoint. Who are we when our labels fail us?
“What I need is an outside, objective view of me from someone who sees past all the cover I hide behind, and God himself is the only one I’ve found who can do that.”
“Who am I? I am a work in progress in the hands of the One who loves me. I have value and purpose and a reason for existing, not because of what I have done or what I will do, but because this is how God has made me and sees me. When everything else has been stripped away—all the guilt, all the shame, all the disappointments— I stand naked before God, and in his eyes I am beautiful and beloved.”
His chapters are categorized in 4 pillars: Reconnecting to self, to others, romantically, and to God. Within those parts are chapters that cover the brevity of life, the victim vs victor mindset, singleness, lasting love, sacrifice, belief vs doubt, and God’s pursuit of us. (And yes, a brief mention of his previous relationship with Lauren, and his soon-to-be wife Jessica)
Some noteworthy quotes:
“When our lives are focused only on ourselves, we are further disconnected from ourselves by settling for the smallest answer possible regarding what we want out of life.”
“My pride tried to hold onto the idea that I could fix myself, but by now I knew better. I had to get help. I could not make it unless God intervened, which is what I asked him to do. On my own I had not found any way to move beyond the darkness—only addiction, numbing, and disconnection.”
“God does not need a mountaintop for you to reach him. He is here, with you, now.”
“When we connect with him, we connect with something that has infinite, infinite power and majesty. Coming to him requires a basic humbleness where we recognize we are not the greatest and biggest thing to ever walk this earth.”
“No human being can ever fix the brokenness within our souls and make us complete. If we look for a savior within a relationship, we will always be disappointed, because we have assigned them a task that no one can possibly do. The worst thing we can do then is give up and move on and start the search for the perfect one once again who will check all the boxes and fill all the holes in our souls. It is an endless search conducted in the wrong place completely.”
“People need people to connect with them at their darkest points, sharing their pain, and letting them know they are not alone. People need God to help them make sense of this life and breath that they have been given, no matter how quickly it can be taken away. To give them purpose and connection with something greater than themselves and show them what it truly means to love others.”
All that to say, there are a few little things he says (or portrays) that aren’t exactly right:
“Only you can know who you are right now.”
“You need to begin living the story that only you can write.”
Both of these phrasings put us in control- we don’t define ourselves and we don’t write our own story. Our identity is given to us by God and he is the Author of our stories.
“This is one of the most profound statements I’ve ever heard. Live while you have the chance, because that chance will be taken away someday.”
I mean… it’s a true statement. And an important one. But I have personally heard a lot of more profound statements than this, he might need to read more! (This was more of a semantics preference than a true criticism.)
“…the answer is easy: Jesus. I get that, but that’s not the question I’m asking. I want to know what will make this life matter to the degree that, when I get to the end of my life and I’m on my deathbed, I won’t look back and say, ‘I thought there was more.’”
I had to chuckle a little at this one. He says, ‘Okay, I get that Jesus is the answer, but what REALLY makes life worthwhile, what is REALLY the ‘more’ of life?’ Ben. It’s Jesus. It truly is that simple. I suppose he was trying to get at more of an application of what we DO about it, but it still seems like he’s saying that Jesus as the answer isn’t adequate for him.
“You and I need to be able to look at ourselves and see ourselves as worthy and deserving of love because we are worthy and deserving of love.”
This one is a little tricky, but no- we aren’t loveable and we don’t deserve love. We deserve hell. That’s the harsh reality, but that’s what makes the Gospel such Good News! In God’s mercy, he doesn’t give us what we deserve. He offers us salvation while we are still dead in our sins! So then: He doesn’t love us because we are loveable; we are loveable because he loves us. We can ‘love ourselves’ as Ben frequently advocates for because we are God’s creation, made in His image, with worth and purpose- not because of anything we have to offer but because He has called us to worth and purpose. So the outcome of Ben’s statement is true, I just wanted to clarify more so the ‘why'.’
So there were a few things a little ‘off’ but then he’ll say something later that kind of clarifies—I just didn’t like the inconsistencies. However, I understand this book is not intended to be a book on theology. His acknowledgements at the end of his book listed a few books that helped shape his thinking while writing; it included Bob Goff’s books ‘Everybody, Always’ (reviewed here) and ‘Love Does’, as well as Donald Miller’s book ‘A Million Miles in a Thousand Years’ (reviewed here).
Knowing that, his style of writing and his ‘close, but not exactly’ statements make more sense as Goff and Miller had the tendency to do the same thing (although Ben thankfully did less of putting words in God’s mouth like the other two).
Though, ‘Alone in Plain Sight’ (and Goff and Miller’s books) has its missteps, Ben imparts the general gospel and says a lot of true and important things that point to Jesus. And if those true things lead you to a real relationship with Christ and lead you to care more about people, then I cannot keep you from that! Read this book!
But then, maybe also peruse some theology and apologetic books to learn more about the Creator and Author, the One who loves and redeems. People’s stories do connect with us and show us how God works in our lives, but there is so much more to know about the grace, mercy, and justice found in a deeper study of Scripture.
Because as Ben says, “God made us to know Him.”
**Received an ARC via NetGalley**
See more of my reviews at www.shelfreflection.com!
The writing (in terms of organization and repetitiveness) was mediocre, but considering he’s not necessarily an aspiring writer and this was his first book, I think it fit with the purpose of the book and spoke to his authenticity, transparency, and honesty.
I think it was courageous for him to use his platform from being on TV to write what he did. There are a lot of fans disappointed by ‘Alone in Plain Sight’ because it wasn’t a Bachelor Tell-All exposé. But I think what he wrote is evidence that he truly cares about his fans. Instead of giving them the juicy details they want, he gives them the truth they need.
“I want to speak to those of us who feel a bit lost, those of us who struggle with life’s disappointments and unanswerable questions. Rather than offer platitudes and cliches, I want to invite you to explore the dark questions with me, with the hope that together we can discover the light.”
In reality, especially this last year, I think we’ve all felt alone, disconnected, and isolated at some point. And that won’t go away with 240 pages of behind-the-scenes Bachelor stories. He cares enough to not allow us to just band-aid our isolation with shallow distractions but offers a remedy for our emotional wounds. A remedy you won’t really find in most Hollywood productions—a relationship with Jesus Christ. And I respect him for making the unpopular choice to write about his faith instead of his fame.
I knew he was a person of faith from his seasons [Sidenote: having his pastor come to the After the Final Rose show was one of the most awkward moments, right?!] , but when he utilized the fantasy suite, I wondered to what depth his faith really went. He didn’t touch on that decision in this book, but based on everything else he said, his faith does seem genuine.
He seeks to help us reconnect in an age of high visibility but little depth (aka social media; for him- also TV) . People only know what we let them see—usually the good stuff. What do we do with the rest? Can anyone love me with full knowledge of everything I am? Loneliness, isolation, rejection, and putting on a facade all result in questions like- Who am I? Why am I here? What’s the point? What am I missing?
Ben, through anecdotes from family and friends, his own personal vulnerability, and a broad look at the Bible, takes us on a journey to find identity, meaning, and hope, with a dash of love advice.
“Most of my life I’ve mistakenly believed that sticking a label on my forehead somehow tells the truth about who I really am… Every time I stumble upon a label I think might identify me, it eventually gets stripped away.”
I love that! 'As if labels equal truth!' Labels are rampant these days (look no further than identity politics), and we are constantly trying to evaluate which groups we belong to. Or we only see ourselves in terms of what we do- our job and accomplishments. But as Ben said, every label, group, job, and achievement will fall short and disappoint. Who are we when our labels fail us?
“What I need is an outside, objective view of me from someone who sees past all the cover I hide behind, and God himself is the only one I’ve found who can do that.”
“Who am I? I am a work in progress in the hands of the One who loves me. I have value and purpose and a reason for existing, not because of what I have done or what I will do, but because this is how God has made me and sees me. When everything else has been stripped away—all the guilt, all the shame, all the disappointments— I stand naked before God, and in his eyes I am beautiful and beloved.”
His chapters are categorized in 4 pillars: Reconnecting to self, to others, romantically, and to God. Within those parts are chapters that cover the brevity of life, the victim vs victor mindset, singleness, lasting love, sacrifice, belief vs doubt, and God’s pursuit of us. (And yes, a brief mention of his previous relationship with Lauren, and his soon-to-be wife Jessica)
Some noteworthy quotes:
“When our lives are focused only on ourselves, we are further disconnected from ourselves by settling for the smallest answer possible regarding what we want out of life.”
“My pride tried to hold onto the idea that I could fix myself, but by now I knew better. I had to get help. I could not make it unless God intervened, which is what I asked him to do. On my own I had not found any way to move beyond the darkness—only addiction, numbing, and disconnection.”
“God does not need a mountaintop for you to reach him. He is here, with you, now.”
“When we connect with him, we connect with something that has infinite, infinite power and majesty. Coming to him requires a basic humbleness where we recognize we are not the greatest and biggest thing to ever walk this earth.”
“No human being can ever fix the brokenness within our souls and make us complete. If we look for a savior within a relationship, we will always be disappointed, because we have assigned them a task that no one can possibly do. The worst thing we can do then is give up and move on and start the search for the perfect one once again who will check all the boxes and fill all the holes in our souls. It is an endless search conducted in the wrong place completely.”
“People need people to connect with them at their darkest points, sharing their pain, and letting them know they are not alone. People need God to help them make sense of this life and breath that they have been given, no matter how quickly it can be taken away. To give them purpose and connection with something greater than themselves and show them what it truly means to love others.”
All that to say, there are a few little things he says (or portrays) that aren’t exactly right:
“Only you can know who you are right now.”
“You need to begin living the story that only you can write.”
Both of these phrasings put us in control- we don’t define ourselves and we don’t write our own story. Our identity is given to us by God and he is the Author of our stories.
“This is one of the most profound statements I’ve ever heard. Live while you have the chance, because that chance will be taken away someday.”
I mean… it’s a true statement. And an important one. But I have personally heard a lot of more profound statements than this, he might need to read more! (This was more of a semantics preference than a true criticism.)
“…the answer is easy: Jesus. I get that, but that’s not the question I’m asking. I want to know what will make this life matter to the degree that, when I get to the end of my life and I’m on my deathbed, I won’t look back and say, ‘I thought there was more.’”
I had to chuckle a little at this one. He says, ‘Okay, I get that Jesus is the answer, but what REALLY makes life worthwhile, what is REALLY the ‘more’ of life?’ Ben. It’s Jesus. It truly is that simple. I suppose he was trying to get at more of an application of what we DO about it, but it still seems like he’s saying that Jesus as the answer isn’t adequate for him.
“You and I need to be able to look at ourselves and see ourselves as worthy and deserving of love because we are worthy and deserving of love.”
This one is a little tricky, but no- we aren’t loveable and we don’t deserve love. We deserve hell. That’s the harsh reality, but that’s what makes the Gospel such Good News! In God’s mercy, he doesn’t give us what we deserve. He offers us salvation while we are still dead in our sins! So then: He doesn’t love us because we are loveable; we are loveable because he loves us. We can ‘love ourselves’ as Ben frequently advocates for because we are God’s creation, made in His image, with worth and purpose- not because of anything we have to offer but because He has called us to worth and purpose. So the outcome of Ben’s statement is true, I just wanted to clarify more so the ‘why'.’
So there were a few things a little ‘off’ but then he’ll say something later that kind of clarifies—I just didn’t like the inconsistencies. However, I understand this book is not intended to be a book on theology. His acknowledgements at the end of his book listed a few books that helped shape his thinking while writing; it included Bob Goff’s books ‘Everybody, Always’ (reviewed here) and ‘Love Does’, as well as Donald Miller’s book ‘A Million Miles in a Thousand Years’ (reviewed here).
Knowing that, his style of writing and his ‘close, but not exactly’ statements make more sense as Goff and Miller had the tendency to do the same thing (although Ben thankfully did less of putting words in God’s mouth like the other two).
Though, ‘Alone in Plain Sight’ (and Goff and Miller’s books) has its missteps, Ben imparts the general gospel and says a lot of true and important things that point to Jesus. And if those true things lead you to a real relationship with Christ and lead you to care more about people, then I cannot keep you from that! Read this book!
But then, maybe also peruse some theology and apologetic books to learn more about the Creator and Author, the One who loves and redeems. People’s stories do connect with us and show us how God works in our lives, but there is so much more to know about the grace, mercy, and justice found in a deeper study of Scripture.
Because as Ben says, “God made us to know Him.”
**Received an ARC via NetGalley**
See more of my reviews at www.shelfreflection.com!
February 22, 2021
Yall - I typically enjoy all things bachelor / bachelor adjacent. but I was SO disappointed by this one. I guess I should have read more of the reviews - I don't think the description does a good job of telling what the book is about. Ben starts the book talking about unqualified he is to be writing a book. The majority of the book (feels like at least 75%) is other peoples words/stories and/or bible passages and/or bible descriptions. Once you get past this, it is hard to tell where Ben wanted to go with the book. It felt all over the place - at different points it felt like a memoir, a collection of random stories from other people, a religious sermon, and at times a bible retelling.
There was no new bachelor information - despite him saying it was "needed for him to share this story". Instead, he jumps into many stories about the beginning of his white savior complex in action - trips abroad to feel good about himself. On top of this the book is full of straight bad takes - one notable take being that we should rely on friends to constantly remind us of our worth/value. Not a problem in itself, but it must be exhausting if your happiness in always dependent on others.
Another bad take - COVID. Ben complains about COVID, and his friend being in the hospital. He basically claims that he can't blame god. This is the same guy who has been flying/traveling around the US constantly - totally not following covid guidelines. OK Ben. If you have to use other people's stories "because their lives eloquently showed truths I had trouble putting into words" and you write a book that includes complaining about COVID when you are part of the problem, you probably shouldn't be writing/publishing this book.
Would not recommend.
There was no new bachelor information - despite him saying it was "needed for him to share this story". Instead, he jumps into many stories about the beginning of his white savior complex in action - trips abroad to feel good about himself. On top of this the book is full of straight bad takes - one notable take being that we should rely on friends to constantly remind us of our worth/value. Not a problem in itself, but it must be exhausting if your happiness in always dependent on others.
Another bad take - COVID. Ben complains about COVID, and his friend being in the hospital. He basically claims that he can't blame god. This is the same guy who has been flying/traveling around the US constantly - totally not following covid guidelines. OK Ben. If you have to use other people's stories "because their lives eloquently showed truths I had trouble putting into words" and you write a book that includes complaining about COVID when you are part of the problem, you probably shouldn't be writing/publishing this book.
Would not recommend.
December 20, 2020
I may be biased, but this book is honest and captivating. I learned a lot about loving other people without fully knowing them from reading it!
January 29, 2021
I received a copy of this book as part of the launch team. I had planned to read it much sooner than I did but I kept putting it off. I told myself it was because I was busy with everything going on in my life but honestly, I probably put it off because it was exactly what I needed to be reading.
We first fell in love with Ben on the Bachelorette where he revealed that for the majority of his life, he had felt left out. It seems a bit ironic that a participant on a reality television show felt "left out." Especially one that eventually moves on to become the star of his own show. But, after reading his book, I realize that what he says and the emotions that he describes are genuine. How many of us have sat in a crowded room but felt completely alone? We search for someone, anyone to SEE us and we long desperately to be really known.
My word for 2021 is Connection. For the past few months I have been reading books on mindset and growth from many well known authors. And while they have started the process of healing and changing the way I see myself, Ben's book really hit home. It felt like I was sitting with a friend, sharing truths from God's word.
To be only in his early 30's, Ben shares wisdom that it takes others years to come by. Ben's heart is evident throughout the book and his love for God and people shine in his message.
I highly recommend this book!
We first fell in love with Ben on the Bachelorette where he revealed that for the majority of his life, he had felt left out. It seems a bit ironic that a participant on a reality television show felt "left out." Especially one that eventually moves on to become the star of his own show. But, after reading his book, I realize that what he says and the emotions that he describes are genuine. How many of us have sat in a crowded room but felt completely alone? We search for someone, anyone to SEE us and we long desperately to be really known.
My word for 2021 is Connection. For the past few months I have been reading books on mindset and growth from many well known authors. And while they have started the process of healing and changing the way I see myself, Ben's book really hit home. It felt like I was sitting with a friend, sharing truths from God's word.
To be only in his early 30's, Ben shares wisdom that it takes others years to come by. Ben's heart is evident throughout the book and his love for God and people shine in his message.
I highly recommend this book!
June 4, 2024
I read this book because I loved Ben on his season of The Bachelor and this book is so much more than your typical Bachelor Nation tell-all.
December 30, 2020
In Alone in Plain Sight, Ben Higgins wrote a brand-new book about dealing with the feelings of rejection and how we can reconnect with yourself, others, romantically, and God. Ben Higgins was on the 11th season of the Bachelorette and he also starred on the 20th season of the Bachelor. He begins the book by sharing a personal story about how he has always felt like an outsider and how he was the kid who was a loner and didn’t feel like he fit in. He shared how in reading class, he was the last one picked and he didn’t have a reading partner so he had to partner up with the librarian. He admitted to feeling like an outsider and he always felt rejected by his peers. He felt like he could easier talk to adults than his peers. He was an only child and it wasn’t by choice. His parents spent four years with infertility specialists before they were able to conceive him. He shared how during the pregnancy, she suffered a severe placenta previa hemorrhage and he became a high-risk pregnancy. During this time, his father was also diagnosed with stage four Hodgkin’s lymphoma. Luckily, everything turned out fine and his parents were okay but it changed them afterwards. But after all these events they were unable to have any more children. He explained how these events caused his parents to live life a different way and they raised Ben that every day is gift from God and making meaningful connections with family and friends is extremely important. Ben revealed how he struggled with friendships and he didn’t understand the term casual acquaintance. He wanted to believe that people would be his friend and they would accept him. He explained how he felt like an outsider and that he wasn’t seen, understood, or even valued by his peers and he felt alone in plain sight. He also explored the story of the woman at the well and how judged she was and how Jesus spoke to her as a fellow human being and treated her with respect when the world and her peers rejected her.
Later on, in the book, he opened up about how he was chosen for The Bachelorette with 24 other guys in hopes that he would fall in love with this one special girl. In the book, he shared his experiences and some of his feelings about what he learned about himself while on this journey. He opened up about ending his first engagement and he was struggling and looking for another person to fill up his soul. He eventually realized that hold would never be filled with looking to another person to make us happy and whole. He explained how another person can’t fix our own brokenness inside us. We have to look to our Savior and reconnect with God.
In the book, he also discussed how he started his own company, Generous Coffee and he was able to create jobs globally. This company isn’t just about coffee they also stand for serving others and doing good for others. He explained in the book how the company and vision for the company was formed and how they crafted the ambassador program.
I would this awesome book to anyone is feeling alone and rejected. You might be feeling like you are alone in plain sight and no one sees you or loves you. I immensely loved how real Ben was in this book and it’s not something you would expect from a reality TV star. I’m going to be honest I don’t like the Bachelor or the Bachelorette and I truly hate the show. I don’t really care for it since I personally think most of it is fake and played up for TV. I liked how Ben didn’t really focus on the show as much as he could have. He had a bigger vision and he wanted to help others who are feeling alone and forgotten by their peers and they are dealing with the pains of rejection. I connected with story because I’m also an only child and I personally have felt the pains of rejection. I always have felt like I didn’t fit in. It was a great encouragement to see that I’m not alone and even when I feel like I’m alone in plain sight, I’m not.
"I received this book free from the author, Ben Higgins for my honest review and for being a part of his launch team.”
Later on, in the book, he opened up about how he was chosen for The Bachelorette with 24 other guys in hopes that he would fall in love with this one special girl. In the book, he shared his experiences and some of his feelings about what he learned about himself while on this journey. He opened up about ending his first engagement and he was struggling and looking for another person to fill up his soul. He eventually realized that hold would never be filled with looking to another person to make us happy and whole. He explained how another person can’t fix our own brokenness inside us. We have to look to our Savior and reconnect with God.
In the book, he also discussed how he started his own company, Generous Coffee and he was able to create jobs globally. This company isn’t just about coffee they also stand for serving others and doing good for others. He explained in the book how the company and vision for the company was formed and how they crafted the ambassador program.
I would this awesome book to anyone is feeling alone and rejected. You might be feeling like you are alone in plain sight and no one sees you or loves you. I immensely loved how real Ben was in this book and it’s not something you would expect from a reality TV star. I’m going to be honest I don’t like the Bachelor or the Bachelorette and I truly hate the show. I don’t really care for it since I personally think most of it is fake and played up for TV. I liked how Ben didn’t really focus on the show as much as he could have. He had a bigger vision and he wanted to help others who are feeling alone and forgotten by their peers and they are dealing with the pains of rejection. I connected with story because I’m also an only child and I personally have felt the pains of rejection. I always have felt like I didn’t fit in. It was a great encouragement to see that I’m not alone and even when I feel like I’m alone in plain sight, I’m not.
"I received this book free from the author, Ben Higgins for my honest review and for being a part of his launch team.”
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