I Left My Homework in the Hamptons: What I Learned Teaching the Children of the One Percent

by Blythe Grossberg

A captivating memoir about tutoring for Manhattan’s elite, revealing how a life of extreme wealth both helps and harms the children of the one percent.

Ben orders daily room service while living in a five-star hotel. Olivia collects luxury brand sneakers worn by celebrities. Dakota jets off to Rome when she needs to avoid drama at school.

Welcome to the inner circle of New York’s richest families, where academia is an obsession, wealth does nothing to soothe status anxiety and parents will try just about anything to gain a competitive edge in the college admissions rat race.

When Blythe Grossberg first started as a tutor and learning specialist, she had no idea what awaited her inside the high-end apartments of Fifth Avenue. Children are expected to be as efficient and driven as CEOs, starting their days with 5:00 a.m. squash practice and ending them with late-night tutoring sessions. Meanwhile, their powerful parents will do anything to secure one of the precious few spots at the Ivy Leagues, whatever the cost to them or their kids.

Through stories of the children she tutors that are both funny and shocking, Grossberg shows us the privileged world of America’s wealthiest families and the systems in place that help them stay on top.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Education, Audiobook, Biography Memoir, New York, Biography

304 pages, Hardcover

First published August 17, 2021

Reviews

[Lucy · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was ok, but not as good as I'd expected.

Did I learn something new by reading this book? Not much. The book is weighed down with studies and statistics I'd already come across in other books. Also, a lot of the problems and situations discussed in this book aren't common to wealthy students only.

Overall, this book was only somewhat interesting and mostly redundant.

[Melissa (Distracted by New Grandbaby) · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars
This is a fascinating memoir about a woman who has been a tutor for the wealthiest of the wealthy students. She combines anecdotes about the students she tutored (composites from years of tutoring, this isn't a "tell all" book, it's an analysis) with studies and observations about learning, education, and college admissions.

I personally would have liked it to be organized in a more straightforward manner. There are times where the objective/statistical information is so heavy and goes on for longer than it needs to, and I found myself wishing for more stories and anecdotes about the students and their parents.

I could definitely relate to this book because I have children who are currently in college. I am intimately familiar with standardized testing, grades, and how college admissions works. Seeing this through the eyes of the incredibly wealthy is both eye-opening and a bit disheartening for those of us not in that bracket.

Overall though, I appreciated her observations about the mindset of these affluent families. It is so far from the way the rest of us think of things that it almost seems like fiction. It is no wonder that many of these young adults crash and burn when they get to college as they have had their entire lives micromanaged to the nth degree and they don't know how to handle the freedom of choice. That's such a minor part of it though, Grossberg does it so much more justice with her analysis in the book.

If you're interested in the subject matter, this is a fascinating memoir. It's definitely not for everyone as the statistics and studies will probably not be relatable for many readers. If you're looking for a "tell all" memoir about the elite then you will be slightly disappointed because it's more thoughtful than that.

I voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book, all opinions are my own.

[Christy Stickney · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was not at all what I thought it would be. Feels like the author has a chip on her shoulder.

[Gabriella · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn’t even finish this book because it was so annoying. Seems like the author has a chip on her shoulder yet still continues to tutor the elite because it’s a “who saved who” environment. Lots of shade thrown at Brooklyn, micro aggressions masked as caring, sweeping generalizations and other odd statements.

Edit - I continued to hate-read the book.

My continued thoughts -

She’s making it seem like she’s doing the world a favor by working six days a week, when it seems like she doesn’t necessarily need every bit of money she’s working for? She also wants to make sure the reader knows that she CARES about kids and mentioned (multiple times) that she never changes her amount she charges (but don’t worry! She has a sliding scale) and is proud that she hasn’t raised it in all of her years of tutoring even though she could.

This quote is annoying - “I often arrive when the other [tutors] are still there, and we telegraph sympathetic messages to each other while working with the children in the family”. Like GIRL! You don’t have to take this job???? She is part of this world and is making a choice to tutor these kids but she is making is seem like she has no choice.

I’m trying to figure out why I’m so agitated. Like yes this group of people are egregiously wealthy in a way I don’t understand. However, you’re choosing to not only tutor private school kids but ALSO work at a private school (no judgment) but if you’re complaining so much about the people you’re working for, why don’t you make a change?

(This review is obviously a rant and a way for me to remember how I felt about this book.)

[Emma-Kate Schaake · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting, but very repetitive. Summary: rich kids are stressed under the weight of expectations and don’t have the space to just be kids. Actually, a few times when I was listening to the audio I thought I skipped back a chapter accidentally because it sounded so similar.

[Janilyn Kocher · Rating 4 out of 5]

Grossberg writes a very revealing book about affluent students she tutored over a 20 year period in Manahttan. I felt so much empathy for the students she discusses. They were over scheduled, led a much too structured life, and felt nothing but endless pressure to get the best grade and get into an Ivy League school. As I read, I just kept shaking my head at what I was reading. The parents who blame everyone else for a B grade, students who have no common sense and who don't read but expect to pass comprehensive exams with flying colors. It really is a depressing reality. Hats off the the author for being a tutor to these high strung students. This world is so different from my life and how I was reared, and for that I remain grateful. It's an enlightening read. Thanks to Hanover Square Press and NetGalley for the advance copy.

[Eaycrigg · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a fun and interesting read. As a former nanny in Manhattan/Dumbo and a public school teacher at a Title 1 school, it addressed many of the issues around children, education, and social class that I’ve been ruminating on for years. Sometimes I wished the author betrayed more frustration with the parents of these children, who possess such whacked-out values, but I was ultimately grateful and challenged by her insights into how difficult school can be for children with learning challenges and what is owed them by their teachers.

[Nikhil Sethi · Rating 1 out of 5]

What a bizarre book. This book predominantly focuses on how difficult life is for the kids of the top 1% of NYC (which is an extremely small group of people), while sometimes using poorer people as props (referencing the similarity of behavior between wealthy white children and an immigrant student on scholarship who are both struggling or comparing the assistants to one banker to the yellow minions from Despicable Me).

I'm not sure who this book is for — does she expect that her former clients will read this and be softer on their kids? Are we supposed to share some of our empathy for these silver spoon kids when others in the same city are housing / food insecure?

Beyond all that, the work is deeply repetitive, with entire paragraphs appearing over and over again. There are dozens of references to the Great Gatsby, half a dozen half-baked references to Freud that feel more like namedrops than actual pieces of analysis, and a weird obsession with the word "insouciance." Overall, not a fun time, despite an intriguing premise and a few interesting anecdotes.

[Daniel Kukwa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant and disturbing in equal measure. Reading this (1) reinforces why I'm a teacher, and (2) reinforces why I'm very VERY glad I'm not a teacher in any American system of education. This is a beautifully written revelation.

[Anne · Rating 1 out of 5]

If you were attracted by the word "Hamptons," this book is not for you. Although Grossberg spends many excruciating hours with the uberrich, there's little glamour associated with her book. Nor does much of it take place in the Hamptons. Despite her PhD, she whines along with her ultra wealthy students. We learn that rich UES families take advantage of every loophole in the educational system to get their bratty, entitled kids into the Ivy League.

GASP!!! But is this a shock to anyone?

It wasn't to F. Scott Fitzgerald, who wrote Gatsby. That was a century ago. Oddly, as often as she mentions Gatsby, she seems not to understand it.

The author discusses UES/NYC views on private schools and the pressure to perform. As the tale unspools, the reader is left to wonder the point. Average, low- or slightly above-average students seek her services so that they may buy into the Ivy experience.

This book is a retelling of the lengths to which unmotivated, lazy students are prepped for homework and to take tests, while the parents make huge donations to select schools. Grossberg tutors them in literature in HS. The students appear to have almost no interest in any literature or subject presented to them. They have trouble recalling basic plots and characters in such books as Gatsby. I never figure out why anyone is pushing for these arrogant families to get a place at schools in which they can never do well. It appears only to be "building a brand." They want Harvard or Yale on their resumes, even though the work in an accelerated public high school is far beyond their capabilities.

Grossberg minimizes the problems of these kids. She dismisses a shoplifting spree a favorite student goes on as acting out, when the student is caught stealing a pair of diamond earrings worth several thousand dollars. Another student experiments with drugs, as his cousin does. Not even at the cousin's funeral from an OD on oxycontin does the author seem to realize what's going on.

Considering how much time Grossberg spends walking aimlessly around New York (which is NOT Boston, near her hometown suburb), she manages to interpret so much incorrectly. While Bed-Stuy is becoming gentrified, it's hardly identical to the UES, as she would believe. She refers to the Fairway supermarkets as upscale. At that point, I had to put the book down to laugh. Fairway is a grimy, down to earth chain with few niceties. NOTHING about it says upscale. She incorrectly identifies midtown Manhattan as a dark and crime ridden area. Check the NYPD precinct reports. Midtown Manhattan is safer than most towns any reader lives in.

She’s a very loyal retainer. Daughter of 2 attorneys, Grossberg wrote this book with a dark undercurrent of personal issues. She refuses to increase her client fees. She points out clients are the top 1% of the 1%. Yet she’s undercharging them? And talking about having holes in her shoes? She can't afford necessities for her autistic son? She mentions a husband a few times, but he seems to have no role in her life or her son's. I don't get it. Geez Louise.

Even weirder is her preference for spending as much time as possible away from her own autistic son. He gets little mention except as a worsening problem.

Grossberg herself is clearly depressed and anxious. The book suffers from a lack of editing. She attempts to create a central theme but fails. As several others have noted, once she latches onto a word, it'll be repeated into meaninglessness. "Axiomatic" used often where "self-evident" would have worked better, drove me nuts.

If you’re looking for a book on how bizarre the fantastically rich are, this will be satisfying. Otherwise, skip it.

[Mediaman · Rating 1 out of 5]

This author needs a writing tutor. It's a very poorly written book that has ADHD, hopping and skipping all over the place with no sense of order. Ironic, since it's authored by a woman with a doctorate in psychology who claims to be an expert on ADHD.

It's too bad because some of the stories that she shares are somewhat interesting, but it's extremely repetitive, boring, and would have made a better magazine article. The author seems fixated on The Great Gatsby (which is about the only example of literature mentioned throughout) and on Freud (who she claims she doesn't agree with, though she certainly mentions his theories a lot!). There are a few research studies mentioned but mostly in places that make no sense and by the end of each chapter you wonder how Grossberg manages to organize anything because she is simply all over the place.

If you're looking for a fun memoir about dealing with the elite you won't find it here. It is more of a paint-by-numbers picture of the upper 1%, framed in very politically correct language. Some of the things she says are so ridiculously New York City that she is out of touch with reality and has spent too much time among the upper class. At least she admits her own privilege, though she misuses it to try to confess to having advantages that often were earned and not awarded her. She makes too much money from her clients to put things in simple English or to reveal the disturbing truths about Park Avenue.

It's a tough read, filled with her biased views without any real bite or conclusions. If she turned this in for class I'd give her a D-. She must have left her writing skills in the Hamptons.

[Sheetal Jiwani · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was so interesting! I picked it up on a whim because I work with students who go to private schools in NYC and it was like entering a world I’ll never be a part of (which is so cool when books can do that). Really great writing too - she follows a few noteworthy and distinctly different students throughout the book and develops their characters well. She touches on so many aspects that I never would have considered: the way wealth and class can seep into the classroom (students using expensive designer shoeboxes for school projects), or how these private schools provide scholarships to students from a lower socioeconomic class but don’t actually make the school accessible to them by still holding parent-teacher meetings in the middle of the day when most working-class parents can’t take off.


It was a short and quick read and if you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to grow up as a New York City kid from an affluent family, I would recommend this! Rated it 4 instead of 5 because at times it became too statistical when the parts I enjoyed the most were the personal stories and anecdotes.

[Jami · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was just so bored reading this book! And I was an English teacher! So I thought it would be particularly interesting to me. I got so tired listening to her talk about what an AMAZING teacher and tutor she was, and how she just couldn't accept a pay raise of any kind from these very wealthy patrons over the 10 or 15 years she tutored (WHY? What was the point she was making there??) which was supposed to make me feel like she was some kind of altruistic saint? I finally just stopped reading it, and I have no plans to start again. So I know it's not entirely fair to rate a book you haven't completely read, but for the first half I DID read, I stand by my rating.

(Weirdly), it just wasn't for me.

[Tia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Eye-opening and relevant

So much to talk about. This book shows that problems aren't wiped away because you have the means to purchase material things. Having the best of everything and at your finger tips doesn't exclude you from pressure from peers and parents. The book showed that anxiety and the pressure to measure up has no financial status attached to it. Poor or rich we all can be struggling mentally and emotionally. Coping with the pressure to be your best at such a high level was very difficult for parents and children alike.

I recommend. I apologize for scrambled thoughts.

I received an advanced reader copy from Harlequin/Hanover Square Press via Netgalley

[Jamie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book and the author made very salient points about the impact of affluence on education, both positive and negative. However, I did think her writing style was redundant and parenthetical clarifications were repeated throughout (as though we needed a refresh of the clarification in each chapter.) Overall, I think it is worth reading and gaining some deeper understanding.

Both my mom and my boyfriend teach in very wealthy schools in the areas where they live, and so there were points when I could relate to the actions of the parents/students and the reactions of teachers/tutors.

[Jeanne Morigeau]

DNF. “Axiomatic” & “insouciant” used way too many times. A lot of poor English: “where I work at.” Very unimpressed; a book where the poor writing detracts from the content of the material.

[Brenna · Rating 2 out of 5]

Didn’t understand the point of this book. Only made it 20% in. Felt like the author was trying to bash on her clients and elevate herself. Confused.

[Kristen Yoder · Rating 5 out of 5]

Super fascinating look into the education and lives of Manhattan’s elites. Grossberg’s conclusions about the rat race these students are trapped in has me thinking a bit about my time teaching as well. This memoir gave me a fuller perspective on the lives of “the one percent.”

[Danielle McGregor · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting, but at times, repetitive
memoir of a tutor working with the top 1% of New York’s elite school population. I can’t remember who recommended it to me. I’m not sure it would be of interest to anyone not in education. I would definitely recommend listening and not reading - I think it could be statistic heavy if you read it.

I appreciated her observations, but most of them weren’t eye opening or new to me. Basically … kids who are too busy, too stressed or whose parents are too busy for them find it difficult to be successful - no matter how much money they have to throw at the situation (in short!)

[Nichole · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars, actually, for this revealing memoir from educator Blythe Grossberg. This account, covering a period of about 20 years, details Harvard-educated Grossberg's experiences tutoring affluent teenagers from Manhattan. I Left My Homework turned out to be a pretty engaging read. Grossberg achieved her goal, which was to show the overall effects of affluence on teaching and learning. I was shocked to read how these children's everyday lives were so regimented and joyless. It was disheartening to read about the insecure and Ivy League-obsessed parents who pushed their kids beyond human limits, bullied private school teachers, hounded SAT and ACT officials, and hired endless lines of tutors. These so-called adults seemed sad and disconnected. In a funny scene, a parent-I-love-to-hate (Trevor's dad) quickly hands a check "with a lot of zeros at the end" to a Harvard University official after learning that his tired son, near the end of his senior year in high school, still couldn't make the grade. What a sad statement! One check had the power to erase all of Trevor's past 5-year efforts to succeed. Grossberg's casual, empathetic, and fact-based (without being too academic) style was effective. She made me feel sorry for these kids.

3.5 stars

[Rebecca Brenner Graham · Rating 5 out of 5]

I usually find books through bookstagram, NetGalley, podcasts, etc. But I found this one the old fashioned way: I LEFT MY HOMEWORK IN THE HAMPTONS caught my eye in a local independent bookstore. I read a few pages of the hardcover — which coincidentally was published on my birthday when I defended my dissertation — and decided to buy it. I couldn’t put it down- everything about I LEFT MY HOMEWORK IN THE HAMPTONS worked for me. I have so much respect for the author Blythe Grossberg: captivating writing, real stories to tell, and above all sharp insights about them. I LEFT MY HOMEWORK IN THE HAMPTONS is narrative nonfiction about high school students from the wealthiest families. I learned in this book about professionalized children’s sports, expensive processes behind learning diagnoses, and the realities of rich people. Grossberg’s analysis is complex and nuanced, while engaging. proud to report that at Work this morning I talked this book up so much that a colleague bought it. finally, I loved the Gatsby analogy sprinkled through the narrative. I may not be a high school student or wealthy, but I wish Blythe Grossberg could teach me how to write!

[Jan Cole · Rating 4 out of 5]

Blythe Grossberg makes a living teaching in a prestigious private school and doing after school tutoring for the 0.01% in New York City. She goes into depth explaining the tremendous wealth and advantage of her students, and also the tremendous pressure they live under to perform. An A is not enough. The goal is to land a spot at one of the Ivy League schools so the kids are tutored in every subject and driven to sports practices before and after school to perform well enough to get that coveted national ranking. Subject matter taught is way above their developmental level.
Grossberg does a remarkable job explaining the educational and psychological aspects of her job. As a retired educator, I found the book engrossing and well written although it might not capture readers without this background. Still, parents might find it interesting and see it as a cautionary tale of having next to impossible standards, and helping each child develop their own talents. Available @Duncan Public Library.

[Shannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fascinating look at the lives of the children of New York Society's 1% and the high achieving culture that pushes teens to perform. Blythe Grossberg shares her personal insights tutoring these teens for over 15 years and observing the amount of pressure that gets placed on earning top marks, getting into prestigious colleges all at the expense of any leisure time (so many of these teens are overscheduled and overworked) and often resulting in severe mental health problems and/or alcohol and drug abuse.

Highly insightful and empathetic, I really enjoyed this insider look at a culture that is increasingly spreading to mainstream youth. I also appreciated the contrast between Blythe's more middle class lifestyle and absurd expectations many of the parents had for her role educating their children.

It was also nice to hear from a working mother of a child on the autism spectrum and how she learned early on that there is nothing to be gained from trying to compare or push your child against their peers. Much thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for my advance review copy.

[victor harris · Rating 2 out of 5]

It is, as other reviewers have indicated, rather scattershot in the delivery. It does give a glimpse into the lifestyles of the rich and famous and their children but I only needed to hear about the author's own personal impoverishment once or twice. The point was clear, the author tutored because she needed the money, it didn't need endless repetition. To her credit, she obviously cares about her students and is committed to the profession. It was an interesting diversion as there have been many accounts about teachers who have tried to overcome the challenges of working in districts where the socially and economically downtrodden reside. As someone who worked in education for thirty years, I do get a visceral reaction to the notion that tutoring is a default position for wealthy people whose kids aren't motivated to learn, and that the tutor whitewash the negligence. This strikes at the heart of the book, there is no magic bullet for curing indifference, whether rich or poor.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to this book on audible. It was fast, and I binged it in two days. I definitely connected with this book and understood a lot of what it was saying. I find the author a little bitter and unkind to some of the people that she describes. (I try to think of the students and parents that I work with as all trying their best, and she doesn't necessarily have the same perspective.) However, I think that this book is necessary reading for anyone engaged with the private/independent school sector. I only gave it four stars because of her somewhat bittersweet take in general though she's pretty on point.

[Linda · Rating 3 out of 5]

When I found this book on Libby, I thought it was a humorous rendition. It was not. It is a very serious book about the trials of tutoring overscheduled kids whose parents are pushing for the students to get into Ivy League colleges. Some parents don't even really pay attention to the student or what the tutor/school have to say about the student's issues.
Since I taught disadvantaged students some in the book infuriated me.

[Dylan · Rating 1 out of 5]

What started with a fascinating premise was completely ruined by the most insufferable and self righteous narrator I have possibly ever encountered. This woman acts like she’s a poor little normie despite her suburban Massachusetts background, Harvard degree, and park slope zip code. Like please, I beg of you to get some context.

[Tricia Toney · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author tutored the children of NYC's elite for 15 years. She showed us that while from the outside, it seems that these children have everything, they live lives full of stress and anxiety. The parents are often absent and uninvolved, or very much overinvolved. This memoir was interesting and an easy read.

[Meredith Sullivan · Rating 1 out of 5]

Repetitive and boring. Poor little rich girl/boy stories. I thought this would be like Nanny Diaries but it couldn’t be more different.

[Tfalcone · Rating 2 out of 5]

Hard to empathize with those top 1% families. My students' families are closer to the bottom 1%. We still have a long ways to go toward equality.