Napalm & Silly Putty

by George Carlin

I THINK I AM, THEREFORE I AM. I THINK.
In Napalm & Silly Putty, George Carlin, the thinking person's comic, offers a hilarious new collection of razor-sharp observations on God, language, death, pets, driving, food, sports, airplanes, advertising, news, businessmen, and much, much more!

* Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
* If people climb Mt. Everest because it's hard to do, why do they go up on the easy side?
* With a little effort, oxen can be trained to genuflect and whistle softly in the moonlight.
* How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on TV that its a spy satellite?
* If people stand in a circle long enough, they will eventually begin to dance.
* Guys don't seem to be called "Lefty" anymore.
* No one quite knows what's next, but everybody does it.
* I think it would be great if you could make a guy's head explode just by staring at him.
* Am I the only one who's noticed that the Lone Ranger and Tonto never got their laundry done?

You'll learn what Carlin thinks of saving the planet, his suggestion for revamping the prison system, and why he prays to Joe Pesci. Add to the mix "The Ten Most Embarrassing Songs of All Time," "The 20th Century Hostility Scoreboard," and "People I Can Do Without," and you have an irresistible assortment of quips, probes, thrusts, and verbal ordeals that are as smart as they are infectiously funny.

Genres: Humor, Comedy, Nonfiction, Essays, Audiobook, American, Politics

269 pages, Paperback

First published April 24, 2001

About the author

George Denis Patrick Carlin was a Grammy-winning American stand-up comedian, actor, author and philosopher.

Carlin was especially noted for his political and black humor and his observations on language, psychology, and religion along with many taboo subjects. Carlin and his "Seven Dirty Words" comedy routine were central to the 1978 U.S. Supreme Court case F.C.C. v. Pacifica Foundation, in which a narrow 5-4 decision by the justices affirmed the government's right to regulate Carlin's act on the public airwaves.

Carlin's mid-2000s stand-up routines focused on the flaws in modern-day America. He often took on contemporary political issues in the United States and satirized the excesses of American culture.

A disciple of Lenny Bruce, he placed second on the Comedy Central cable television network list of the 10 greatest stand-up comedians, ahead of Bruce and behind Richard Pryor. He was a frequent performer and guest host on The Tonight Show during the three-decade Johnny Carson era, and was also the first person to host Saturday Night Live.

Reviews

[Carole · Rating 5 out of 5]

Napalm and Silly Putty by George Carlin is a refreshing look at life in general. If you are easily offended by four-letter words, this book is not for you. I listened to the audio version read by the author and I think that is the best way to enjoy Carlin. I was looking for something light to entertain me during these difficult times and this man qualifies when it comes to laughing out loud. I read this book ten years ago but it never grows old. Carlin writes about the small things in life that drive us nuts and he has such a way with words that you find yourself nodding in agreement and wiping tears of laughter at the same time. But what a way with words. His quick mind and even quicker wit will take you along for a ride. Thank you George! I needed that.

[Jill Hutchinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I miss George Carlin so much. I laughed until I cried at this collection of Carlinisms. The man was a comedic genius....wry, ridiculous, irreverent, clever, and just plain funny. If you don't laugh while reading this book, you need to see a doctor. He was one of a kind and we won't see another like him.

[Chris · Rating 3 out of 5]

In honor of Carlin's unfortunate passing from this world to the next, I thought that I would spend some time involved in personal reflection and active remembrance by perusing one of his humor encapsulation modules. it's full of brief comedic text-forms and small humorous thought units which will undoubtedly bring a day's diversion to anyone who... who...

Aw, f*ck it. Read his goddamn book and laugh, you m*therf*ckers. He was a dirty, foul-mouthed son of a bitch, but he said what he thought and never gave a damn what other people thought of him. That c*cks*cker's all right in my book. He knew the true nature of humanity - we are such evil, vicious bastards that we would invent something as destructive and painful as napalm, but at the same time we can create something whose sole purpose is to bring whimsy into our lives - silly putty. Carlin knew that humans were impossible to categorize as "good" or "evil" and he let us know that as loudly as possible.

We're gonna miss you, ya grouchy pr*ck.

[Debbie Zapata · Rating 3 out of 5]

After I read Last Words, I decided I needed to read a couple of George Carlin's comedy books.

This was the first to arrive, and I have to say it is just like George. Goofy, raunchy, angry, disturbing, hilarious, sometimes crude, and many times giving the reader a "hey, I have wondered about that very thing myself" moment.

Let's face it George was warped. In a good way. I think.

I mean, at least he never did actually go out and shoot anyone. But it was a little creepy to read how often he talked on stage about that, and how many of his comments had to do with killing people or adding more violence to sports. I guess you don't realize how much someone is mentioning such things until the routines, thoughts, and one-liners are collected in a book.

But I still like him, because he was fearless about saying what he thought about every topic under the sun. And he still usually gives me the giggles. The other Carlin book I ordered came this week, but I will wait a bit before I read it. I'll need to be in just the right mood again.

Meanwhile, I will leave you with two of the "Short Takes" which were scattered all through this book.

In the United States, anybody can be president. That's the problem.

You know how you can tell when a moth farts? When he suddenly flies in a straight line.

[Michael Benavidez · Rating 4 out of 5]

warning: this review IS biased. I will admit that outright. I love Carlin. I love his comedy, his outlook on humanity. Cruel, hateful, but funny and honest, and always on a slight positive side no matter how dark.

So this books is a rambling. this book is random, scribbles, smart points mixed with eh points. They are funny. Hilarious. only, not all of them. Some. Most.
The sad thing is, having read this after his death, and seen most of his stand-up. A lot of these jokes are in the stand-up so they're repeated just not in Netflix or DVD format. which is how this is biased. I should give it a three, for the 50/50 jokes, the already heard/read jokes. But I love his work too much to do that. so it shall stand at 4stars. G

[britt_brooke · Rating 4 out of 5]

“If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”

More mundane chores, more Carlin to get me through! I particularly love - and support - his religion rant. #reread

[Cheralyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another fantastic book by Carlin. My particular favorite from this one is the bit about airplanes. Just fantastic. I was laughing so hard that I couldn't breathe!

[Steve · Rating 3 out of 5]

I knew what I was getting when I started this book -- one of the many books written by the late George Carlin. I expected the rants, the obscenities, the criticism and the insight of this comedic icon of the latter 20th century. You had his typical Carlin comments about government, politics, sex, drugs, music, sports, religion -- typical in that in the anti-establishment world of George Carlin, no subject was immune to his thinking and he made you think about the day-to-day events impacting these subjects from a humorous/cynical perspective.

Again, what made Carlin so funny was his presence on stage and his rapid fire delivery about his perception of the world. Attending a George Carlin concert was an adventure in humor that got people to think about their fellow human and rampant absurdities that impact our lives. Sure, you can watch a video, but Carlin was at his best in a live auditorium.

As good as he was, his series of books don't capture the same magic as his live performances. Frankly, all but his final book leave the impression that Carlin was a man bitter at the world, lashing out at everything he critique. I suppose a new reader curious of the Carlin mystique would appreciate the printed cynicism that made Carlin great on stage, but this book and others like it really don't reflect the true genius that Carlin exhibited as a touring humorist.

[LiLi · Rating 2 out of 5]

Funny, but he comes across better when performing in front of an audience.

[Paul Pessolano · Rating 3 out of 5]

“Napalm & Silly Putty” by George Carlin, published by Hyperion.

Category – Comedy Publication Date - April 24, 2001

The first thing one must do before reading this book is to make sure they know who George Carlin is and know his approach to comedy and life. If not, one could be in for a rude awakening. Carlin is known for being outspoken on very controversial subject, least of which is religion. One must also be aware that Carlin uses language that can be very offensive to many people.

Some of his less offensive remarks are:

I tried to give up heroin, but my efforts were all in vein.

You rarely run into a damsel anymore.

Most people don’t know what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

I can never decide if “what’s-his-name” should be capitalized.

There are many more musings like this in the book, many touching on subjects like death, abortion, war, and sexuality. If you like comedy and don’t mind stuff that’s off the wall George Carlin is your kind of comic. I must admit that I much prefer his live concerts than his books, although a lot of the materials for his books come from his concerts.

[HeavyReader · Rating 1 out of 5]

(I need a shelf called "not really funny.")

I laughed exactly twice while reading this book. And I don’t think I giggled, snickered, or chuckled even once. I might have smirked a couple of times, but mostly I was not amused.

I’m pretty sure some of these same pieces were in When Will Jesus Bring the Porkchops?, which I skimmed through pretty thoroughly again recently. If I’m right, I think that’s cheating. No one should put the same schtick in more than one book. I know certain authors of fiction use the same plot devices in novel after novel, but I think that’s cheating too.

Was George Carlin really a crabby, grumpy, angry guy, or was that just his comedy persona? He sure comes across as a curmudgeon here.

I did not read every word in this book. The sports jokes bored me, and the rape jokes disgusted me, so I skipped those. But I did go from cover to cover, reading the parts that I found at least mildly amusing. I did enjoy “Interview with Jesus” (“I even used acupressure. That’s how I cured most of the blind people, acupressure.”) and the sections called “Short Takes” sprinkled throughout the book. (I think Carlin is best in one to two sentences at a time.)

I only had this book around because I got it off BookMooch to give to a friend. I don’t really know why I bothered since my friend doesn’t read, but what the hell, it’s the thought that counts, right?

[Kevin McAllister · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've been a fan of George Carlin for the longest time and have watched his skits countless times. I was in need of a bit of a laugh and decided to give one of his books a try. Sadly, just not the same. Even though, interestingly enough,some passages were identical to skits I've seen, just wasn't the same. They say comedy is all in the delivery and without George's voice and mannerisms, it just didn't find it as amusing. Although I will admit to laughing out loud and drawing some stares during my commutes to and from work. What did surprise me about this book was that I found myself, on a number of occasions, actually offended. When watching a skit, I know George is putting on a show and doesn't actually mean lots of the things he says. But when you actually see some of these hateful words on the printed page, they are quite jarring. Just goes to demonstrate the power of the printed word. Perhaps that was what George was shooting for. Miss you George.

[Jeanette (Ms. Feisty) · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you're easily offended, you won't like this. I happen to like George Carlin and his irreverence and fearlessness. He doesn't care if he offends people, which is actually refreshing. Of course, he includes his fair share of silly boy humor, such as bodily function jokes, but that's just what boys do. Parts of this book are really funny.

[Dan · Rating 3 out of 5]

One of my fave comedians and I wish I would have liked this more but honestly, I found some of the jokes to be corny and just not something I would have included in this book. It seems a lot of this was just filler to make up enough pages....it is what it is.

[Nente · Rating 3 out of 5]

There's plenty of food for thought in Carlin's talks. That's why I never thought so much depended on his delivery, until I tried to read instead of watching.
I just can't summon up the energy to finish this one.

[Menglong Youk · Rating 5 out of 5]

It still amazes me how George Carlin could use our everyday activities and manipulate them into humorous and Intriguing concepts. Sure, his language is offensive to some people, and despite not using this kind of language myself, I still couldn't help, but to find his writing entertaining

[Simon Vacca · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very funny! Some of this material definitely works better in front of a live audience, but I mostly enjoyed the audiobook.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Delightfully loose tongued and anti-pc :sigh: those good old days when you could still speak freely

[Kathryn in FL · Rating 5 out of 5]

I remember reading this when it was originally published and thinking Carlin was truly brilliant. He was a modern day philosopher and commentator but also a sharp wit with laser precision to cut at the very root. I encourage my younger goodread friends to give at least one of his books a try. Though the books covered current events, life's challenges remain consistent through the ages and the observations here are more or less timeless.

[Brandon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Glad to see Carlin left the blueprints for 90% of comedy bits today.

8/10

[Tom M · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was mostly funny but disgusting at least 25% of the time.

[Abbe]

Amazon.com Review

Standup comic George Carlin follows up his dark-horse smash bestseller __ with another compendium of cranky meditations, cinching his reputation as the Andy Rooney of boomer hepcats. "Road rage, air rage," Carlin rails. "Why should I be forced to divide my rage into separate categories? To me, it's just one big, all-around, everyday rage. I don't have time for fine distinctions." Carlin is not into the lengthy essay--he's a sprinter of the mind. Most sentences in the book could be lifted out to stand alone and provoke deep thought: "How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?" Good question. "Why do they bother saying 'Raw sewage'? Do some people cook that stuff?" Yuck, but yes, Carlin's got a point.

He can do an extended bit too, most memorably the transcript of Jesus on a talk show plugging his new tell-all memoir about the Trinity, Three's a Crowd. Carlin is funny, but genuinely angry and poignant at times: "You live 80 years and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic," he says. Sad, but about right.

And how did Carlin get into his line of business, "thinking up goofy s---," as he puts it? There's a clue in one entry in this book: "As of 1995 the number of people who had lived on earth was 105,472,380,169 ... it means that at this point there have been almost 1 quadrillion human bowel movements and most of them occurred before people had anything to read. These are the kind of thoughts that kept me from moving quickly up the corporate ladder."

Thank god Carlin stayed low on the corporate food chain and high on his own utterly idiosyncratic ideas! --Tim Appelo

From Publishers Weekly

Politically incorrect comic and Grammy winner Carlin has shown no signs of burnout during a four-decade career arc as solo stand-up, TV writer and sitcom actor (That Girl; The George Carlin Show), with 18 hit recordings and 10 solo HBO specials, plus film roles (Dogma; The Prince of Tides). Living in L.A. and Vegas, he continues to take his act to stages across the country. Four years ago, Carlin's huge fan following kept his Brain Droppings on the New York Times bestseller list for 40 weeks, so it's no surprise he's back for another round of acrid and oblique observations on modern mores. He covers a wide range of issues from rape and religion to the homeless: "There's no war on homelessness... it's because there's no money in it." And any topic is fair game: abortion, airport security, cars, funerals, language, organ donors, sports, technology, TV and war. On the latter, he says, "Men, insecure about the size of their penises, choose to kill one another." Over 100 scintillating short pieces are interrupted by loony lists and hundreds of clever one-liners. The fragmented format and colloquial style of writing suggest that much of this laugh-out-loud book is drawn directly from Carlin's stage act. Several satires here ("A day in the life of Henry VIII," a nine-page interview with Jesus, an avant-garde play program) indicate a different direction Carlin might consider for future books. (May 1)Forecast: HighBridge's abridged audiocassette and CD might lead some to peruse the book, which splashes in the wake of a massive Carlin retrospective ("From Class Clown to Social Critic") two months ago at the Museum of Television & Radio (N.Y./L.A.). With a 10-city author tour and national publicity, sales could equal those of Brain Droppings (700,000 copies).

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

[Josh C. · Rating 5 out of 5]

To clarify, this is the second book included in my larger 900-page book (An Orgy Of George: 3x The Carlin) and so based on our discussion, I have decided to review each text included in the book separately.

I selected this book because I like George Carlin and I assumed that his written works would easily rival his stand up performances, so with that in mind, I began to read all of his books. I have always liked his comedy and always thought that he was more of a writer than a performer, with each bit having unique and descriptive language, rehearsed extensively. Thinking that I should read what I actually enjoy, I picked up this book, the second of the 4 I will be reading by Carlin this year.

The subject of this book, similar to his other works, is mainly focused on daily grievances faced by Carlin and recorded down with commentary on each. But it is broader as he often goes into small problems he has with people, anyone who pays for purchases of less than $4 with a credit card, or much larger issues, his irritation towards men for playing the pivotal role in every bad historical event, for example. I did feel, however, that this book focused more on language, like why certain phrases are used, why Americans changed words to make them sound better than they are, and this was incredibly interesting to me. Having been alive only 15 years, I had not seen these changes occur, but slowly people made the language more sensitive to make what they do sound better than it is.

Most of this book worked incredibly well. Long sections, short takes, lists, this book contained very varied reading, with not all of it being in a simple paragraph format. I really enjoyed reading it in this format because I did not always have to read for 30 minutes to ascertain some kind of detail that would resolve the story and I could put the book down. Instead, I could read for the 10 minutes at the beginning of class and read 10 sections, all varying in length, and put it down without leaving on some kind of cliffhanger. Content in this book, as with most of Carlin's work, was very original and something I had never seen before. Possibly my favorite aspect is his ability to say something obscene not because he actually thought it, but because he so valued free speech.

As far as what could have been better about this book, while I understand most of it was just jokes, it was hard to read without being offended. Most of his complaints and grievances are aimed specifically at people and the odds of reading it without you at some point being the antagonist are low. Considering that, I would not recommend this book to people who are easily offended, especially people offended by strong language. It was not always the smoothest read, with some of what he said being something that directly contradicts what I believe. He takes a very holier-than-thou attitude to many issues, some of which I think simply leaving people behind like that would hurt more than help.

[Zombieslayer⚡Alienhunter · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I got into an argument with my Rice Crispies. I distinctly heard 'Snap, crackle, 'Fuck you!'"

Yeah.
This one immediately became a favorite.
I've been a huge fan of Carlin's since I was in middle school (which probably explains at least some) and when I stumbled into this audiobook for free, it was a match made in heaven.

"What kind of wine goes with Cap'n Crunch? I have a difficult time choosing wines in the morning. Sometimes I just smoke a bowl of Froot Loops and go back to bed."

In Napalm And Silly Putty, (the intro discusses this title- these two wildly different things were created by basically the same people) Carlin, besides getting strikingly philosophical near the end-

"What would you think, if you were the planet, trying to defend itself from this pesky, troublesome species?

is a comedy class-act.
I strive to be his kind of person, having no time for your bullshit, but happy to make you laugh as a stroll by.

Yeah, it's a well-put together rehashing of his previous shows. All of it. And the only reason it's as much fun as watching his standup is that Carlin read the thing himself. Even though you can't see him hopping around, you can still 'see' it.

Originally, this review was a love letter to freedom of speech and its importance to comedy, entertainment and creativity, but to understand that, you honestly just gotta understand one thing about Carlin: he. Gave. Zero. Fucks.
And not the tumblr generation 'no fucks given' gave zero fucks, I mean he was unafraid of you, your opinions and your puny little feelings.
You just gotta watch the guy to know what I mean, he wasn't just a hurtful asshole, okay? I believe he said these things he said because genuninely wanted people to laugh, not to be some shock-value performer.
I think you need to watch, listen, and, before you get offended, check and see if you're laughing.

"Bullshit, lyin' asshole. You love it and you know it."

Of all the people- artists, storytellers, world leaders, revolutionists- I wish I could bring back for this madness, George Carlin would be a hard one to not pull from the death grips.
But.
I'm sure he's happy.

"If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."

Wherever he wound up.

"I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played."

I hope you come out of this book as laugh-sore and glad to be alive as I was.
It was what I needed. It might be what you do, too.

"I think we're part of a much greater wisdom; greater than we will ever understand. A higher order, call it what you like. I call it the big electron. The big electron; it doesn't punish, it doesn't reward, and it doesn't judge. It just is. And so are we. For a little while. See ya."

[CC. Thomas · Rating 4 out of 5]

While I have watched and listened to the great comic, I've never actually read one of his books before. Shame on me! I absolutely laughed my butt off (not literally or this book could also go in the self-help section **okay I tried some humor in memoriam). This book is laugh-out-loud, hold-your-side kind of funny. There were so many times I simply handed the book to the person next to me and said, "You have to read this! Now! Stop what you're doing and read it now so I can turn the page and keep reading!" He's definitely raunchy and rude so if you're easily offended, Carlin isn't for you.

I wish I could give a brief synopsis of content but it's just so random and stream of consciousness. If you like Carlin, you'll understand that. True, some of the book and humor is a bit dated today because it was published so long ago and some technology is changing at the speed of light, but that just makes it all the funnier. My favorite part was the airport section where everything is misnamed and how crazy the whole airline experience is. "They mention that it's a nonstop flight. Well, I must say I don't care for that sort of thing. Call me old-fashioned but I insist that my flight stop. Preferably at an airport." I can only imagine if Carlin could see airports now. Section after section just reads like a rolling comedy routine.

Now, I can't wait to read his other books!

[Konna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read full review at: Review: Napalm & Silly Putty by George Carlin, the comedy legend http://thereadingarmchair.blogspot.gr...

George Carlin was a legendary comedian. Even before I started getting into stand-up comedy, which was actually pretty recently, I was aware of him. So when I started reading this book I was curious to find out what it would be like. Would his writing style be similar to the way he talked in his lives? Would his jokes be equally funny when they were written down and not performed? These were a few of my questions and I was delighted to find out the result.

Carlin in Napalm & Silly Putty had a great variety of themes that he explored, many of them very typical of him, like the government, religion and death. The chapters didn't have a thematical connection most of the times but throughout the book there were several chapters with Short Takes and The Evening News. From these, Short Takes were my absolute favourite ones that included short jokes, many times one-line long.

The writing style was unique. It resembled the way that Carlin talked, so almost all of the time I imagined him talking. Maybe I should try listening to the audio version of the book. But reading the jokes didn't take any of my enjoyment away, I was constantly laughing out loud. Besides, Carlin had this very characteristic way of expressing himself and he maintained it as it was, with all the profanities and the satirical comments.

[J · Rating 1 out of 5]

I haven't been a fan of George Carlin's so didn't really know what this would be about. My sister enjoys him and has told me several times to read him so finally I got an opportunity while I loath this guy.

First of all this is a book that needs a giant warning label on it. For the age that he seems to be I am surprised that his mother didn't keep a mountain of soap for just washing his mouth out. It is that or she was a sailor.

His usage of cussing rankled me the most on reading this particular book. But at the same time there was a lot of vulgarity thrown in for good measure for kicks and giggles I guess. Although these were mentioned to be his trademarks they were definitely turn-offs to me.

The man does have some clever points and interesting creativity but otherwise he was a flop to me. Rarely did I get a laugh from his material and when I did it was only since I was reading aloud to my husband whose funny faces are a better tonic to humor than this comedian.

His telling was impassive, bland and without direction. There were so many rabbit tracks the rabbit would have gotten lost in findings its own way home.

All in all I wouldn't recommend this guy to anyone I know and I am sad to say this was most truly a waste of my reading time. Thankfully I can say that it is a book I say good riddance to.

[Michael Kress · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was a little disappointed with George Carlin's first book, Brain Droppings, but Napalm & Silly Putty was a lot better. I felt like most of the material in Brain Droppings was petty and not that funny, and I was looking for that subversive commentary on society that Carlin's stand-up comedy was so famous for. Brain Droppings was first published in 1997, and I feel like this might have been a low-point in his career, when the material he was putting out was just not that amazing. But Carlin got more angry and bitter as he got older, and it showed in his work. Napalm & Silly Putty came out at the start of 2001, four years after Brain Droppings, and it's a good example of this trend. The book starts off with some petty stuff kind of like most of the material in Brain Droppings, but later it gets into the political commentary I was craving. The title really says it all. Life is brutal like napalm, but Carlin's philosophy was to sit back and laugh at all the idiots the same way you do with silly putty. We're all going to die, and the human race will go extinct because of war or climate change. There's no reason to be optimistic, but you have to laugh. I wonder what Carlin would have to say about current events. It probably turned out just as he thought it would.

[Bruce · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm a HUGE George Carlin fan, but I was expecting something a little more cohesive than a compendium of routines and one-liners from his storied stand up acts. It seems like some of this material also came from his raw notes, since a lot of it probably wouldn't pass muster on stage in front of an audience. It was definitely worth more than a few chuckles, and a great thing for me to tote around on vacation, as it's very easy to pick up on the fly and read a few pages at a time. Ultimately I'd say it's kind of disposable, but I'm glad George was able to make a few more bucks off these old jokes before he left this celestial plane.

[Ana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another hilarious read from Mr. Carlin.

I had the unimaginable luck of having friends with good taste who owned this book so I didn't have to run around town searching the libraries for it (I live in Romania and we have pretty crappy libraries).

I absolutely loved it! It was cut out of the same material as When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? so I had as much fun reading this as I did the other one.