Cometh the Hour, Cometh the Eejit

by Mark Rice

When controversial US President McDonald Flump calls an emergency press conference (which he claims will be “great… so great”) and insists on it being streamed live to the world, many people suspect that he has, for once, something genuinely important to announce. Flump’s critics, on the other hand, reckon this is probably just another of the president’s desperate schemes to attract attention to his favourite thing: himself. The conference is the largest of its kind ever held in the US, and the first to be broadcast uncensored to a watching world. Attended by news teams, journalists, socio-political commentators, cultural icons, left-field thinkers, and “influencers”, the event promises to be unlike any that came before it. Amongst the waiting crowd, questions are rife. Will Flump say something that makes sense? Will his hair be as mad as ever? Or even madder? Will he make fun of people with disabilities and disparage Mexicans? Is he planning to wipe out another unique ecosystem in order to install an unwanted golf course in a country where he has no business… again?

When the president arrives things don't go his way. Various attending factions have decided to subvert the broadcast for their own ends. Despite the best efforts of Flump’s security team to suppress these incursions, proceedings become more chaotic by the minute. Can Flump’s big revelation, which he delivers to the shock of everyone watching, stop his opponents in their tracks? Or is the famous Flump ego about to be deflated live on air in front of every nation on Earth?

This short story is 2,187 words of irreverent humour and riotous fun.

Kindle Edition

Published October 16, 2020

About the author

That other Scottish writer. Grew up surrounded by music, books and animals. Started scribbling stories at age five. At ten, discovered Douglas Adams and heavy metal. Never looked back.

Author of #1 Amazon bestseller Metallic Dreams - an epic tale of mayhem, mischief and metal music, all uniquely Scottish in style. Sequel now complete: longest novel ever written in Scotland; one of the 20 longest novels ever written anywhere.

Compiler and editor of (and contributor to) A Blended Bouquet anthology. Contributor to The Book That Changed My Life along with, among others, actor Brian Cox and fellow Scottish authors Janice Galloway, AL Kennedy and Alexander McCall Smith.

Writer of Heathen Howff, a collection of fiction, non-fiction, philosophical musings and poetry - 36 pieces of work in all. A true Scottish perspective on life, the Universe and everything.

The Cabin Incident is a grown-up reimagining of a timeless tale. Mummy Bear, Daddy Bear and Baby Bear as you've never met them before. It's a novelette loaded with grizzly bears, humour and philosophy (as all good stories should be).

Cometh the Hour, Cometh the Eejit is a riotous short story about a president named Flump (who may seem strangely familiar to many readers). This tale tells of Flump's most outrageous day.

The novelette Revelation Was Wrong is a wild fantastical tale set in Scotland's roughest neighbourhood. When a drunken seer (who has never prophesied anything that actually came to pass) predicts a coming Apocalypse linked to a particular brand of booze, will things unfold as he foretold?

Love in a Wyrd World is a playful feelgood novelette. On the surface it's a tale of revenge and redemption, but at heart it's a love story with a difference.

There's a lot more writing on the way - not just the sequel to Metallic Dreams. Watch this space.

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www.metallicdreams.wordpress.com