Connecting With The Autism Spectrum: How To Talk, How To Listen, And Why You Shouldn't Call It High-Functioning

by Casey "Remrov" Vormer

The complete guide to connecting with adults on the autism spectrum

For a friend, family member, or coworker with autism, communication can be challenging. But Connecting with the Autism Spectrum can help you find common ground with expert tips and helpful insights about talking (and listening) to neurodiverse adults so you can make your interactions more transparent, meaningful, and rewarding for all.

Written by Casey Vormer, a self-taught artist and autism advocate, this comprehensive guide is a trusted source for understanding neurodiversity that features a brief introduction to the autism spectrum. It also provides easy communication strategies like active listening and positive encouragement as well as steps to avoid misunderstandings by teaching how to recognize biases and correct them. Additionally, you'll learn why the term "high functioning autism" is a misnomer to define members of this vibrant community.

"It's important to look at every autistic person individually and recognize their obstacles—but more importantly, we should acknowledge their skills and avoid labeling them with 'high functioning autism' or 'low functioning autism' altogether," Vormer says.

Unlike other autism books, Connecting with the Autism Spectrum

Learn how to communicate better with those on the autism spectrum with this informative book.

Genres: Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Mental Health, Parenting, Audiobook

144 pages, Paperback

Published October 13, 2020

Reviews

[ally]

this is such a comprehensive, accessible and simply explained outline of autism. if you have a coworker, friend, partner, child, employee, parent or anyone in your life (yourself included!) that falls on the spectrum, definitely pick this one up. it’s short. it’s sweet. it’s right to the point. 💛

[Laura (thenerdygnomelife) · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciated this book for its "own voice" perspective and I think it would be a great choice for someone who is very new to learning about autism. I don't regret reading it, and did gain a couple nuggets of understanding. I did feel, however, that Vormer overgeneralized his own experience the deeper into the book he got, speaking for all autistics as "we" do/feel/think ____ despite acknowledging up front that autistics have a wide range of experiences and challenges. I was perfectly happy to read this as an understanding of one possible experience and preferred it more when it was presented that way. Still, I'm appreciative of the work it took Vormer to get this experience down in print and enjoyed seeing through his eyes.

[Allison Hurd · Rating 4 out of 5]

An easy to digest, non-threatening explanation of autism for non-autistic people. It had some tips on communication, but my big takeaway here is that we all just need to be so much kinder to people. And I don't just mean "don't ask" politeness, but things like rethinking how we live and who we say gets to live like us. Why does your job require suits? Why do you need to sit in an office? Why do you need to work or go to school certain hours, why don't we play more, why are so few of us curious to meet and learn to like new people?

[Robert Nolin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed Casey's story. I was diagnosed with ASD in 2023, at age 65. I found it helpful to hear from another person on the spectrum who also has no friends. We're not anti-social. We just don't feel the need. Small talk and chitchat are the oddest part of NTs for me. I'm recommending this book to family members who want to understand me better.

[Athena Liu · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very concise and informative, although relies a bit more on author’s personal experience than research. This book provides easy-to-follow advice on how to connect and support people on the spectrum.

[Ken Yuen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Concise, full of good to-the-point facts and personal stories. Relatable!

[Lizzy Gerber · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think this book had a very interesting perspective and I’m glad I read it. That being said, I think it way over generalized autism and, in many places, made it seem like adults with autism are childish and should be treated as such.

[are we there yet · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've been skeptical of books on autism thanks to Autism Speaks, but this was written by an actually autistic person. My only issue is, while I know there's always that big disclaimer that if you know one autistic person you only know one autistic person, some of the traits seem to be presented as universal based on the author's own experience.

[Megan Rosol · Rating 5 out of 5]

Audio via Hoopla. A short and to the point book about being on a spectrum. Especially recommended for neurotypicals who are interested in becoming more educated and open-minded about neurodivergent collogues.

[discodug · Rating 5 out of 5]

Neurodiversity

Something neurotypicals definitely shall read. That way, Neurodiversity is promoted and those with ASD will have a chance at social and personal relationships.

[Daniel Hardy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall I liked this book a lot. It's written by an autistic layperson for the average allistic (not autistic) person who might interact with us- either on the regular as part of our social or family circle, or even occasionally through work or casually in the community.

It's written really accessibly - not a lot of specialized or technical language- so most folks will be able to follow along regardless of their comfort. It's definitely intended as an intro text, yet even as an autistic mental health professional there were things that I didn't consider as impacts for my own life- or things that I knew as an undercurrent to my life but never had a good way to explain when my clients were struggling with the same things- this book helps!

There are a few things I don't agree with- and this could be the fact that in order to keep the book concise and not overwhelming (119 pages of large print content, not including references, and resources in the back)- some things had to be only briefly explained - or summarize insufficiently. Others might simply be a difference between the author's personal experience of autism versus the general autistic experience (much of this book is explained through the lens of what the author has experienced). Couple examples:
In the beginning the author defines "neurotypical" as "not autistic" which is technically one thing that neurotypical folks are "not" but it's not until 30+ pages later that it's clarified what the definition of neurotypical means- not having any type of neurology differences- yet continues to explain that we use it to refer to all non-autistics. (we don't. That word is "allistic"- not autistic. You can be allistic and also not neurotypical, if you have ADHD for example). Similarly, when the author explains that echolalia "doesn't result in real communication" because when we use it we aren't "attaching real meaning to the words." This is explained through the author's life experience, in particular, that he would memorize others words but not their meanings, and use them in similar situations that the original was used in. This is the opposite of what our common understanding of echolalia - the words may seem out of place but DO typically convey a message and ARE meaningful communication- if the conversational partner is willing to spend the time to interpret.

Outside these smaller concerns, I think this book is one of those that if all people read it (with an intent to understand and apply the info) the world would be a little more friendly towards autistic folks. Strong recommendation here, especially for SOFFAs (significant others, friends, family and allies).

[Chrisjen · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars.

It was an okay book. It is meant as an informational book about ASD. While at first the author states it for anyone one, it is def. geared towards NT folks. It is not a researched/cited volume it is based on the author's own experiences- which is great... right up until the author starts to speak in generalities and state things about their exp. with ASD and their desires as if all ASD dx folks would feel, want, or respond to the same as the author. While they do on occasion couch things as being 'in their experience' it would be easy for someone to assume it is meant as all ASD folks. I wish more (any) emphasis was placed on the idea of 'if you have met one autistic person, you have met one autistic person.'

[Audrey Marandino · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm absolutely going to give him 4 stars for putting himself out there and writing this book. I DO want to learn more about the lives of actually Autistic people. However, I felt like the line "if you know a person with Autism, you know ONE person with Autism" is so important here. This perspective did not match our ND experience at all, except for MAYBE mine and my husband's, but we are yet to be diagnosed. I saw more of my daughter in here, but she is undiagnosed (suspected) as well. I bought this book with my son in mind ("Level 2", typically presents with rage, anger) and couldn't find him in here!

[Noa Yager · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. I thought it was very accessible with its easy-to-read fonts and distinguishable sections. I recommend this book if you’re a teacher, coworker, friend, or parent of an autistic person… I even recommend it for autistic people too! Just be warned that, if you pick up this book and you’re autistic yourself, you may not gain much from reading this other than a new perspective.

[Heather Jones · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book! As a parent of an autistic child it is refreshing to hear from the perspective of someone with autism rather than someone neurotypical. This book has helped me realize some of my shortcomings that I can improve to help be a better parent but also help me to become a better advocate for my child as well. I would recommend this book to anyone that doesn’t have very much knowledge of people with autism to get a better basic understanding of how they live their lives.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good short manual written by an adult with autism. It was good to hear different ways to help interact and work with someone with autism and the reasoning that may be behind some of their actions, as I work with this community.

[Liz P · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book gave excellent insight to one person on the autism spectrum and their life experiences. Many simple suggestions for neurotypical individuals to use and hopefully better understand those in our lives that are neurodivergent.

[Donnakay'sBookWorld · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a lovely introductory read on the subject of autism and this author experience. There was a lot of helpful information about different ways in which autism may present, and suggestions on how to approach some of these areas. I will definitely be reading more on this topic!

[Benjamin Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome book!

[Elizabeth Hunt · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book definitely helped me better understand how to communicate in various settings with those on the spectrum.

[Wright · Rating 4 out of 5]

4+

[Angel]

muy repetitivo luego de las primeras 60-70 páginas but overall fine

[A L E X A · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love that this was written by someone who is autistic. I bought it after my son's diagnosis and I learned so much from this short book. It completely changed the way I view people on the spectrum, how I speak about them, how I interact with them, and my opinions on ABA therapy. I recommend this book for anyone with a loved one on the spectrum.

[READ ALL THE THINGS · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting

As an autistic human, this book was not wrote for me, but I wanted to hear more about the experiences of others. I found that for the length of the book the information was decent. It’s very digestible. Please keep in mind that no one autistic person can speak for all autistic people and our experiences vary. The author does a good job at reminding the reader of this, but also has sections that do not reflect this. Our needs will vary.

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is probably a good introduction for someone who has never heard of autism. The first half of the book is quite informative. But I found the advice in the second half of the book to be much too specific to the author. He tended to rely on his own experiences rather than those of the autistic community at large. Definitely not a book for professionals, but it might be good for a layman.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read Connecting with the Autism Spectrum: How to Talk, How to Listen, and Why You Shouldn’t Call it High-Functioning by Casey “Remrov” Vormer in April for Autism Awareness month. In 2021, 1 in 44 children in the United States (1 in 27 boys, 1 in 116 girls) were diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. Many older adults probably have autism, but diagnosis didn’t happen as much in years past. You probably have a friend, family member, or a coworker with autism.

I enjoyed this book as Casey Vormer has autism and is an autism advocate. He talks through his experiences with autism, but also makes note that autism is a wide spectrum, so his experiences are not the same as everyone else. This book gives a brief introduction and explanation of autism spectrum disorder and gives tips for talking and listening to neurodiverse adults to “make your interactions more transparent, meaningful, and rewarding for all.”

This book was short and written in an engaging format. It had a lot of good tips in it, including things to never say to an autistic person. It also describes how the autism diagnosis is personal for people and that they need to have the choice to “come out” as autistic to family and friends.

Some of my favorite quotes were at the end of this book:
“What I enjoy most is being with a friend who encourages me to be myself and who doesn’t criticize me. I also really appreciate a friend who will offer some advice, help, or support every now and then. When it comes to befriending an autistic person, keep an open mind and do not judge. Be patient and take the time to get to know an autistic person.”

“To the reader, I just want to say that it means a lot to me and probably to many other autistic people, that you took the step to learn more about autism by reading this book. I hope it will help you as a teacher, an employer, a coworker, or as a friend of an autistic person. Every person on the spectrum is unique, so not everything in this book applies to every single one of us, but don’t be discouraged if you make a mistake.”

“Autistic or not, everybody has their own story. We all want the same things in life: to be happy, to feel appreciated and loved, and to take part in this roller coaster we call life. Everybody deserves a chance, and the best way to make this happen is to cross out the word “normal” in your dictionary and to be open-minded. Embrace difference. Celebrate the strengths and skills everyone has been given. That’s the key for everyone to succeed and to thrive.”

Overall, Connecting with the Autism Spectrum is a great book to learn about autism and steps you can take for better communication with someone on the spectrum.

This review was first posted on my blog at: https://lauragerold.blogspot.com/2022...
Book Source: Purchased from Amazon.com.

[Ellen Kunce · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing! Really just an amazing and awe inspiring story. I also learned a lot about autism, and myself. As he says in the very beginning, girls are often misdiagnosed with OCD and Anxiety- when they’re actually autistic. I have something called DiGeorge Syndrome- and past doctors have thought I might be on the spectrum, but never really looked into it. But after reading this book and attending an autism training session for my work, to work with kids who are autistic, I think I just self-diagnosed myself because I saw so many things in this book and in that session that just matched me. Now I’m not an expert- and I’m aware you can have just OCD and Anxiety too.. but this book was a real wide eye opener for me at almost 32 years old. I also know many of my family members are autistic- so it’s very possible.


I just need to know how to get tested as an adult - I hear it’s a lot harder- but the author said he did that too. Anyway- this was just an oddly comforting book- and I’m glad I found it, and I hope more and more work places find this book too. I’m going to recommend to everyone in my department at work. It really should be required reading for training programs. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has a family member with autism- or is working as a teacher and is aware they have an autistic student.

——————————————————————
P.S.-

I’ve seen a lot of other reviews on here complaint that the major downfall of this book is because it’s only from the author’s perspective, and that you all would like him to do more and interview others with autism. That said- that’s an unfair review. 🙄.

I’m going to say this In the kindest way possible:


I think some of you missed his point- and should go back and re- read. He clearly states that he is self-employed for a reason. He does not like working with other people. And that’s okay. So why are y’all pushing him to do interviews with strangers and write from other perspectives? When it’s clearly not his thing. I’m sure you can find other books with multiple perspectives and stories with autism- this one isn’t going to be it. It’s not a good enough reason, at least to me, to complain about and give a poor review- all because it’s an autobiography of sorts. 🤦‍♀️

Also- if you knew going into the book that it would be from one persons’s perspective and you don’t like that kind of thing.. why read it? He clearly says that in the beginning. 🤷‍♀️

💯🍅⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ from me.

[Scott Pearson · Rating 4 out of 5]

In recent years, a new genre of book has emerged from those with autism. These books explain to the general public how to deal with autistic folk, specifically themselves, better. After decades of mistreatment, this group seeks to raise their voice for better social conditions. I’m not exactly sure how to classify these books because they’re half-memoir, half-psychology. They aren’t exactly rigorous science, but they are very reality-based.

To this list, Casey “Remrov” Vormer adds his story about his personal perspective on this condition increasingly in our collective consciousness. He grew up in the Netherlands, was diagnosed late at age 21, and later emigrated to Canada. After having some trouble finding employment, he now works as an artist and has won awards for his products. Incidentally, this book is quite colorful, demonstrative of his interest in graphic design.

Vormer here describes his own story and always provides tips on how people could deal with him – and others in the autism community – better. Of course, this is just one person’s voice, but if there’s 80% overlap with the next person with autism you meet, then the learning curve is lessened. He also provides chapters on dealing with school, work, and friendships. He emphasizes the very real benefits of having those with autism in your life, whether personally or professionally.

I read this book with the hope of understanding co-workers better. I feel that this book achieved that aim. It can apply to readers with autistic people in their lives – and that’s almost all of us today. Either because of increased awareness, better diagnosis, or something yet to be known, prevalence of autism is increasing, so books like this can prevent us from wasting this group’s very valuable human contributions because of our own “neurotypical” expectations.

[L · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is quite a nice, short, informative introduction to ASD. Recently someone I deeply care about told me that they are autistic, so I began to gather information about it as a non-autistic person. However, I'm also ND, so it's kind of easier to understand that our brains are just wired differently.

When I was reading it, I could literally hear "click" "clicks" in my brain because so many things match that I know about them. (I do hope that I did not fall into confirmation bias though.) I do suspect strongly that they have photographic memory (and many other things align) and the commonalities just matched up. Despite this, I still have to say I have trouble understanding it. I need to remind myself once again that every autistic individual is different, as the author stated. Yet, I see them as a socially capable (orally, in written form, even chitchats) person. That is slightly mind-blowing, so the next big topic I'll look up is masking.

[Shelby V · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciated this book for it's open-mindedness and the degree to which the author displays his life while growing up. I do however have a hard time with that the author disclaimer that each autistic person is different, but proceeded to make his own experiences as a diagnosed Autistic person seem as if they are protean. I wish he had gone into a little more detail on different kinds of characteristics that all kinds Autistic people can have. He went in based on his own experience, understandably, but I think if someone who was Autistic read this book wanting to learn more about themselves, it might be a little difficult to relate to at times. Altogether though, I'm thrilled that there's a book out there now that is so informative about Autism and written by an actually Autistic person!