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I F*cking Hate Zoom Quizzes: A collection of poems about Covid-19, the year 2020, and beyond
A virus that has devastated the world, a turbulent US election, eating out to help out, and Tiger King — just a few of the things that have happened since the start of 2020.And the inspiration for a collection of poems that will delight everyone, and perhaps, even make them think.After rocking the literary world in 2020 with her debut book, Kissing the Coronavirus, M.J. Edwards, thanks to encouragement by her son Richard, has collated her favourite 26 poems about 2020 and beyond into this collection. From the saucy to the sad, it’s the only poetry worth reading about one of the most difficult 18 months in modern history.
- GenresPoetryContemporary
42 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 3, 2021
3 people are currently reading
125 people want to read
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March 10, 2021
So... this exists.
M. J. Edwards is the queen that brought us books including Kissing the Coronavirus and Penetrated by the President's Twitter Feed, so naturally, my hopes were simultaneously impossibly high and on the floor for this book.
As the title says, this book is a poetry collection, which is very different from the type of work we're accustomed to from Edwards, however, it does not disappoint.
While this book might be tamer than M. J. Edwards' previous work, it's also longer, so we have more material to go over. So let's discuss.
And note: when I say tamer, it's important to remember that that's in comparison to Kissing the Coronavirus... so that doesn't mean this is tame.
I have to admit, some of these poems actually weren't bad. When I first picked this book up, I expected stuff along the lines of Kissing the Coronavirus. I thought I would finish this book and want to never look another human being in the eyes again. But there were some poems here that I actually found myself agreeing with.
I never thought that would be possible.
Don't get me wrong, M. J. Edward's iconic writing style and humor are here. But that doesn't negate some of the messages. Politicians are corrupt and selfish, on all sides; "All Lives Matter" completely ignores the point of the Black Lives Matter movement; and our support of healthcare workers throughout the pandemic has been extremely performative.
But you're probably not here to think too deeply so let's talk about the fun stuff that I wish I could block out.
This book begins with an introduction from M. J. Edward's son, Richard. Now, if you haven't been keeping up with M. J. Edwards' life that she reveals in her author's notes, you're missing out. They contain a story of their own. The last author's note left M. J. Edwards living with her son, who is "partly supportive" of her work. And in this introduction, we hear more of Richard's thoughts on M. J. Edward's writing.
Speaking of M. J. Edward's personal life, we get much more information about it in this book. The 18 ferrets she spoke about in her Kissing the Coronavirus? Her husband took them when he left her for her sister. And yes, we get a poem about it.
Edwards describes ferrets in this poem as "like snakes, but fluffy, and with legs" and this is the best possible description for ferrets.
Also, this poem is mostly Edwards calling her husband a bastard, repeatedly, and I don't know. I kinda agree with her now. I'm invested. He better give her her ferrets back. (although I'm very happy she now has a new one, Chump)
Speaking of things I can agree with: the first poem is my favorite. It's titled "2020", and simply repeats "fuck you, fuck you, fuck you". And to be honest? That's a mood.
There's also an entire poem that's an ode to Chris Whitty, featuring the line: "When you say 'next slide please / You make me feel so shy." which is not something I expected to read but you know what? I'm glad we're over here romanticizing people who know what they're doing during this pandemic.
In the poem titled "Vaccine Roll Out", we also get another interesting line:
"Never mind Optimus Prime
You're making me Optimistic Prime"
I am happy to announce that this is the best line ever written. Nothing can top this literary genius.
Also, in the poem "Eat Out to Help Out", we get the lines:
"Eat Out To Help Out, they said, a catchy phrase and one quite clear enough
Except for me, because it turns out, it doesn't mean to lick a muff."
So... that's a thing.
M. J. Edwards is apparently an LGBTQ+ icon and I've never been happier
... except I possibly could've been happier if I didn't have to read that.
And don't worry, this is an M. J. Edwards book, so there are also scarring lines about food.
In the poem "Lost", Edwards discusses losing her job, and states that she "didn't intend on [her] vibrator / falling in your tea"
I've never been more glad I don't drink tea.
I won't go into detail on the rest of the poems, because I need something for you guys to discover on your own. But in the end, this book was only slightly scarring, and reading it was not the most regrettable decision of my life.
M. J. Edwards is the queen that brought us books including Kissing the Coronavirus and Penetrated by the President's Twitter Feed, so naturally, my hopes were simultaneously impossibly high and on the floor for this book.
As the title says, this book is a poetry collection, which is very different from the type of work we're accustomed to from Edwards, however, it does not disappoint.
While this book might be tamer than M. J. Edwards' previous work, it's also longer, so we have more material to go over. So let's discuss.
And note: when I say tamer, it's important to remember that that's in comparison to Kissing the Coronavirus... so that doesn't mean this is tame.
I have to admit, some of these poems actually weren't bad. When I first picked this book up, I expected stuff along the lines of Kissing the Coronavirus. I thought I would finish this book and want to never look another human being in the eyes again. But there were some poems here that I actually found myself agreeing with.
I never thought that would be possible.
Don't get me wrong, M. J. Edward's iconic writing style and humor are here. But that doesn't negate some of the messages. Politicians are corrupt and selfish, on all sides; "All Lives Matter" completely ignores the point of the Black Lives Matter movement; and our support of healthcare workers throughout the pandemic has been extremely performative.
But you're probably not here to think too deeply so let's talk about the fun stuff that I wish I could block out.
This book begins with an introduction from M. J. Edward's son, Richard. Now, if you haven't been keeping up with M. J. Edwards' life that she reveals in her author's notes, you're missing out. They contain a story of their own. The last author's note left M. J. Edwards living with her son, who is "partly supportive" of her work. And in this introduction, we hear more of Richard's thoughts on M. J. Edward's writing.
Speaking of M. J. Edward's personal life, we get much more information about it in this book. The 18 ferrets she spoke about in her Kissing the Coronavirus? Her husband took them when he left her for her sister. And yes, we get a poem about it.
Edwards describes ferrets in this poem as "like snakes, but fluffy, and with legs" and this is the best possible description for ferrets.
Also, this poem is mostly Edwards calling her husband a bastard, repeatedly, and I don't know. I kinda agree with her now. I'm invested. He better give her her ferrets back. (although I'm very happy she now has a new one, Chump)
Speaking of things I can agree with: the first poem is my favorite. It's titled "2020", and simply repeats "fuck you, fuck you, fuck you". And to be honest? That's a mood.
There's also an entire poem that's an ode to Chris Whitty, featuring the line: "When you say 'next slide please / You make me feel so shy." which is not something I expected to read but you know what? I'm glad we're over here romanticizing people who know what they're doing during this pandemic.
In the poem titled "Vaccine Roll Out", we also get another interesting line:
"Never mind Optimus Prime
You're making me Optimistic Prime"
I am happy to announce that this is the best line ever written. Nothing can top this literary genius.
Also, in the poem "Eat Out to Help Out", we get the lines:
"Eat Out To Help Out, they said, a catchy phrase and one quite clear enough
Except for me, because it turns out, it doesn't mean to lick a muff."
So... that's a thing.
M. J. Edwards is apparently an LGBTQ+ icon and I've never been happier
... except I possibly could've been happier if I didn't have to read that.
And don't worry, this is an M. J. Edwards book, so there are also scarring lines about food.
In the poem "Lost", Edwards discusses losing her job, and states that she "didn't intend on [her] vibrator / falling in your tea"
I've never been more glad I don't drink tea.
I won't go into detail on the rest of the poems, because I need something for you guys to discover on your own. But in the end, this book was only slightly scarring, and reading it was not the most regrettable decision of my life.
March 11, 2021
Dear M.J. Edwards,
in the last year you have lost a husband, but gained astan very loyal customer in me who has read your whole backlist and is helping paying for your bills. that's more than you can say about your cheating soon-to-be-ex-husband, so not all of 2020 was shit, only 99% of it. we're having the year 2021 and embracing the little wins. ✨
your poem 2020 touched me on a spiritual level. I don't think I ever related to something on such a deep level. thank you for writing this touching piece of art. I finally feel seen.
my second favorite chapter after 2020 must be Introducton that was written by your beloved son Richard Edwards . I love how he keeps praising, not so much your erotica writing, but your poem writing skills, because I can clearly see how much emotion you have poured into these poems. your relationship with your son is #goals. keep supporting each other through viruserotica and all, cause that's the spirit. Dr. Gurtlychund is looking proudly down at you. 😌
it was really hard to find a top 3, but after taking a whole 0,4 seconds to think about it, I have to go with the poem Single Girl, just because it was read to the tune of Barbie Girl and an out-of-body experience. wow. together with Kissing the Coronavirus it's one of your better writing and brought me to tears, especially the wanky wanky at the end. *chef's kiss*
the reason why I couldn't give this more than 2 stars is because... I was– excuse me– but this is really hard to say and never in my life did I think I would say these words about anything that you– Queen M.J. Edwards– have written, but I was bored. the rest of the poems is fairly normal and you know the say normal is boring . I hope you take this very constructive criticism and work it into your next release.
for 2021 I wish you and your new baby pet Chump all the best. stay healthy and hydrated!
with love,
Phuong
in the last year you have lost a husband, but gained a
your poem 2020 touched me on a spiritual level. I don't think I ever related to something on such a deep level. thank you for writing this touching piece of art. I finally feel seen.
my second favorite chapter after 2020 must be Introducton that was written by your beloved son Richard Edwards . I love how he keeps praising, not so much your erotica writing, but your poem writing skills, because I can clearly see how much emotion you have poured into these poems. your relationship with your son is #goals. keep supporting each other through viruserotica and all, cause that's the spirit. Dr. Gurtlychund is looking proudly down at you. 😌
it was really hard to find a top 3, but after taking a whole 0,4 seconds to think about it, I have to go with the poem Single Girl, just because it was read to the tune of Barbie Girl and an out-of-body experience. wow. together with Kissing the Coronavirus it's one of your better writing and brought me to tears, especially the wanky wanky at the end. *chef's kiss*
I’m a single girl, in a covid world,
Life indoors, it’s so poor.
You can’t hug me tight, just stay home and read Twilight
What a shit show, life right now sure does blow.
I’m a mid-fifties girl, in a post-covid world
Lock me down, make it tight, it’s so shitty
No more fun, no more sun, just the same drab four walls,
Takeaways, more TV, wanky wanky.
the reason why I couldn't give this more than 2 stars is because... I was– excuse me– but this is really hard to say and never in my life did I think I would say these words about anything that you– Queen M.J. Edwards– have written, but I was bored. the rest of the poems is fairly normal and you know the say normal is boring . I hope you take this very constructive criticism and work it into your next release.
for 2021 I wish you and your new baby pet Chump all the best. stay healthy and hydrated!
with love,
Phuong
imma-just-nope-the-fuck-out-of-here
March 10, 2021mj edwards coronarotica x rupi kaur instagram poetry x remote learning??
my worst nightmare.
my worst nightmare.
March 14, 2021
As soon as I saw that Edwards released a new book, I bought it immediately and few authors have that power over me!
The cover may be very simple in comparison to the sexy covers of Kissing the Corona Virus series but never judge a book by its cover because the inside was really worth it.
The book starts with some praise for the book including some praise from Richard who is the author's son and that was just hilarious! It is also different because it is a poetry book and I think Edwards is a great poet compared to her novel writing abilities!
What surprised me is how much did this book contain, from clapping to the health care workers, to Wandavision and The Queen's Gambit, it also included poetry about the BLM movement and elections and Zoom meetings. There are also some personal stories from the author as her husband cheating on her and then taking all the ferrets. Her vibrator dropping into a cup of tea! (And the sexual and lewd jokes)
So it was really funny and surprising and it was worth the dollar I spent on it! I actually do recommend this one for a few laughs. I am ending this review with one of the poems:
Black Lives Matter a poem by M.J. Edwards
The cover may be very simple in comparison to the sexy covers of Kissing the Corona Virus series but never judge a book by its cover because the inside was really worth it.
The book starts with some praise for the book including some praise from Richard who is the author's son and that was just hilarious! It is also different because it is a poetry book and I think Edwards is a great poet compared to her novel writing abilities!
What surprised me is how much did this book contain, from clapping to the health care workers, to Wandavision and The Queen's Gambit, it also included poetry about the BLM movement and elections and Zoom meetings. There are also some personal stories from the author as her husband cheating on her and then taking all the ferrets. Her vibrator dropping into a cup of tea! (And the sexual and lewd jokes)
So it was really funny and surprising and it was worth the dollar I spent on it! I actually do recommend this one for a few laughs. I am ending this review with one of the poems:
Black Lives Matter a poem by M.J. Edwards
When I first heard black lives matter, I was confused, I thought, “don’t all lives matter?”
But then I realised, I once gave money to Save the Rainforest, But I didn’t think “don’t all forests matter?”
Then I didn’t think the first thing anymore.
July 25, 2022
First came the coronavirus.
Then came Kissing the Coronavirus, in which we learned about the author's many ferrets.
Next, Penetrated by the President's Twitter Feed, revealing the author's marriage separation. It was dedicated
Following that, The Second Wave made explicit what was already clear, that the author had left her husband because of infidelity, and she was now living with her adult son.
Now, finally, with the publication of this poetry collection, the full truth is revealed: He was sexing his wife's sister. That's cold, man. (You too, Diane.)
This, and other topics that will be familiar to everyone living through 2020 and beyond, are covered here. The perspective is primarily British, but extends across the pond to the antics of the Orange Menace; an ocean was an insufficient barrier to such. I appreciate the window into the author's life through this time period, but the poems are quite terrible. The first one leaves little room for argument, however.
I particularly enjoyed the introduction from the author's son, which helpfully concluded with:
Ordinarily, I prefer not to know such intimate details of an author's life when I read their books contemporaeneously, but I am totally here for it in this case.
BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FERRETS, you ask?
Then came Kissing the Coronavirus, in which we learned about the author's many ferrets.
Next, Penetrated by the President's Twitter Feed, revealing the author's marriage separation. It was dedicated
For Dianeand, with obvious subtext, the following passage about the main character's cheating husband:
She knows what she did
Then he’d take out his penis, and place it in her hand like triathletes passing the baton mid-race. She’d stroke it for a while but always thought it felt a little strange, like a raw, uncoiled Cumberland sausage wrapped in damp string.Truly, literary revenge is the best revenge.
Following that, The Second Wave made explicit what was already clear, that the author had left her husband because of infidelity, and she was now living with her adult son.
Now, finally, with the publication of this poetry collection, the full truth is revealed: He was sexing his wife's sister. That's cold, man. (You too, Diane.)
This, and other topics that will be familiar to everyone living through 2020 and beyond, are covered here. The perspective is primarily British, but extends across the pond to the antics of the Orange Menace; an ocean was an insufficient barrier to such. I appreciate the window into the author's life through this time period, but the poems are quite terrible. The first one leaves little room for argument, however.
I particularly enjoyed the introduction from the author's son, which helpfully concluded with:
mum don’t put this bit in my intro but you def should edit out the poem about the pizza place because it’s a bit too bloody weird even for you ok? I’ll give you a ring later xOh yes, the pizza place poem is included.
Ordinarily, I prefer not to know such intimate details of an author's life when I read their books contemporaeneously, but I am totally here for it in this case.
BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FERRETS, you ask?
March 7, 2021
Amazing. Incredible. Transcendent. Makes me contemplate the world and my place in it. Another masterpiece from the Queen herself.
March 12, 2021
i heard that her husband left her for her sister + took all the ferrets in the middle of the night and i was SO curious so ... alas.
buddy read w leah 🤍
buddy read w leah 🤍
April 7, 2023
I don't know what's going on, but it sure was entertaining
I’m sure most of you have heard of the masterpiece Kissing The Coronavirus. Well in 2021 the queen herself M.J. Edwards released her own poetry book called: I F*cking Hate Zoom Quizzes: A collection of poems about Covid-19, the year 2020, and beyond. And as your favorite gay I am here to give you a detailed review of every single poem in this book. ALL 42 PAGES. So enjoy my review that is totally not satire.
Introduction
So the introduction part of this book was written by none other than Richard Edwards, her son. Which makes it even more weird as he starts acknowledging his mother’s other books. He also talks about how his father left her for his aunt Diane (M.J. Edwards sister) and how he took her ferrets with him. (More on that later). So let me just leave you with this paragraph by Richard.
The collection you are about to read is raw with emotion. An outpouring of love, lust (mum, I’m not comfortable saying that tbh), hurt and hatred.
2020
I’m not joking when I say this poem is purely just her saying fuck you over and over again.
Rage (Fire And War)
This is somehow a serious poem about the U.S. bombing Iraq and the Australian fires which is just weird when you get to the rest of the poems in this book. Like did this really fit in here?
Lockdown
She talks about serious topics regarding the pandemic and the consequences of lockdown while also just talking about banana bread and her soon to be ex-husband's growing gut.
Lost
This poem signals when it starts to get weird, because oh lord what was this? She starts off talking about herself as an employee and her small misdeeds on the job. But then this line arrives “I’m sorry I wanked in the toilet” and then “You see I was rather s*x starved, you just weren’t meant to see. And I didn’t intend on my *toy* falling in your tea.” oh and I’m not done either because we get this banger “The yeast infection in your eye, just couldn’t be my fault. Just because you drank the tea, you said it’s me just by default.” Then she starts complaining about not having a job anymore?? I think there’s a reason for that M.J.
Clap For Carers
This was some flash fiction about old people and clapping and something during the lockdown. Honestly I didn’t understand it. Like I think she was trying to be meaningful and then funny, but it just came off confusing.
You’re On Mute
This poem is basically the namesake of the book since she starts complaining about Zoom, because why not. I still don’t understand why she decided to start the poem off with talking about either watching TV or wanking. And then she just moves on??
Six Months
This is the embodiment of a sexually frustrated 50 year old woman. My favorite line of this poem has to be the last line because it comes off so petty from her talking about you know to “SIX MONTHS. You’ve been in love with my sister.”
Sitting On My Golden Balcony
We're back at it with the covid theme. This time talking about rich people who are like “Covid is so hard” while they’re just sitting in their mansion.
Key Workers
This is just her thanking people who are still working despite Covid??
Whoops
This is about old white men being leaders or something. Again she is very confusing.
Oh, Chris Whitty
Somehow this turned into M.J. just simping for the Chief Medical Officer for England because why not? How did we get to this point?
Streaming
This poem is spent explaining where the hours in the day go. And again she mentions wanking because this is M.J. Edwards. So she claims people spend their whole free time watching telly. Honestly I’m starting to think that she is just projecting here.
Black Lives Matter
She brings up a good point in this poem, but bruh this is not the book where you should be talking about this.
Goodbye
This was about her cheating husband who apparently gave her a yeast infection?? Why does she keep mentioning that?
Eat Out To Help Out
This was such a weird poem because wtf was this?? She talks about going on a date with this lady (cause she’s experimenting) at pizza hut. Then they got drunk and then I quote “I ate her minge” did I mention that they’re still at the pizza hut?! Then the manager came and asked them to leave because obviously! Then they got caught by the police. Real fun story, made even funnier when you realize that M.J. 's son had asked her to leave this one out because it was too weird even for her.
Tears For Tiers
Just about the time the lockdown was announced.
Single girl
Bruh why did she just make new lyrics to the barbie girl song. No seriously. I’m a single girl, in a covid world???
Tears for Tears 2
Did I understand this? Not really, she’s just talking about lockdown. I’m convinced that at this point she has gone completely insane.
Dear Mr President
Okay I will admit this one was funny. She’s basically written a letter to Donald Trump in which she just talks about anything including how her sister’s name is Karen and that she’s also a boomer. “So she doesn’t like it. But she’s a bitch so It’s fine.” honestly mood. And with this letter M.J. sent a DVD of independence day which is some movie or whatever. Anyway this was just weird.
Auntie Vax (Is Coming To Town)
You guessed it, it’s another rewritten lyrics to a song, this time about vaccines because why not?
The Big Blue Bus
I did not understand anything in this poem, maybe it’s just because I’m not British, but damn was this one bad. Also she admits that the bus wasn’t actually blue, but red??
New Year, New Me
Just about her being delusional about being able to change over night. Can you tell that I don’t care about half of these?
The Storm
I think this was about natural disasters.
Dear Mr New President
This time it’s a letter to Joe Biden. Also can someone explain to me why this British woman is sending letters to the president of a country literally across the world? This is honestly hilarious because in this letter she confidently states that she thinks she’ll hear back from him and that they could maybe go out for lunch or tea when he comes to the UK. She talks about her time at Disney world in 2002 for some reason and how she knows being a president is hard because she once planned a baby shower that ended in disaster. Two very similar things I assure you.
Vaccine Roll Out
What do you think this one is about? Yeah we don’t need to talk about it further.
The Ferrets
I know this is what you have all been waiting for, the poem about the ferrets. I regret to inform you that M.J. 's monstrous soon to be ex husband took the ferrets with him and released them into the wild just to hurt her, because cheating on her with her sister and giving her a yeast infection wasn’t enough I guess. Like what did that woman do to you? But luckily M.J. has gotten a new ferret named Chump. Also she calls her soon to be ex husband a bastard like a lot and i mean rightfully so, he took the ferrets!
Anyway this has been my hopefully entertaining riffed review. My next riffed review will probably come out this month too. And I’ll leave you with two words as clues as to what book it is: paint and soup. Have fun guessing!
I’m sure most of you have heard of the masterpiece Kissing The Coronavirus. Well in 2021 the queen herself M.J. Edwards released her own poetry book called: I F*cking Hate Zoom Quizzes: A collection of poems about Covid-19, the year 2020, and beyond. And as your favorite gay I am here to give you a detailed review of every single poem in this book. ALL 42 PAGES. So enjoy my review that is totally not satire.
Introduction
So the introduction part of this book was written by none other than Richard Edwards, her son. Which makes it even more weird as he starts acknowledging his mother’s other books. He also talks about how his father left her for his aunt Diane (M.J. Edwards sister) and how he took her ferrets with him. (More on that later). So let me just leave you with this paragraph by Richard.
The collection you are about to read is raw with emotion. An outpouring of love, lust (mum, I’m not comfortable saying that tbh), hurt and hatred.
2020
I’m not joking when I say this poem is purely just her saying fuck you over and over again.
Rage (Fire And War)
This is somehow a serious poem about the U.S. bombing Iraq and the Australian fires which is just weird when you get to the rest of the poems in this book. Like did this really fit in here?
Lockdown
She talks about serious topics regarding the pandemic and the consequences of lockdown while also just talking about banana bread and her soon to be ex-husband's growing gut.
Lost
This poem signals when it starts to get weird, because oh lord what was this? She starts off talking about herself as an employee and her small misdeeds on the job. But then this line arrives “I’m sorry I wanked in the toilet” and then “You see I was rather s*x starved, you just weren’t meant to see. And I didn’t intend on my *toy* falling in your tea.” oh and I’m not done either because we get this banger “The yeast infection in your eye, just couldn’t be my fault. Just because you drank the tea, you said it’s me just by default.” Then she starts complaining about not having a job anymore?? I think there’s a reason for that M.J.
Clap For Carers
This was some flash fiction about old people and clapping and something during the lockdown. Honestly I didn’t understand it. Like I think she was trying to be meaningful and then funny, but it just came off confusing.
You’re On Mute
This poem is basically the namesake of the book since she starts complaining about Zoom, because why not. I still don’t understand why she decided to start the poem off with talking about either watching TV or wanking. And then she just moves on??
Six Months
This is the embodiment of a sexually frustrated 50 year old woman. My favorite line of this poem has to be the last line because it comes off so petty from her talking about you know to “SIX MONTHS. You’ve been in love with my sister.”
Sitting On My Golden Balcony
We're back at it with the covid theme. This time talking about rich people who are like “Covid is so hard” while they’re just sitting in their mansion.
Key Workers
This is just her thanking people who are still working despite Covid??
Whoops
This is about old white men being leaders or something. Again she is very confusing.
Oh, Chris Whitty
Somehow this turned into M.J. just simping for the Chief Medical Officer for England because why not? How did we get to this point?
Streaming
This poem is spent explaining where the hours in the day go. And again she mentions wanking because this is M.J. Edwards. So she claims people spend their whole free time watching telly. Honestly I’m starting to think that she is just projecting here.
Black Lives Matter
She brings up a good point in this poem, but bruh this is not the book where you should be talking about this.
Goodbye
This was about her cheating husband who apparently gave her a yeast infection?? Why does she keep mentioning that?
Eat Out To Help Out
This was such a weird poem because wtf was this?? She talks about going on a date with this lady (cause she’s experimenting) at pizza hut. Then they got drunk and then I quote “I ate her minge” did I mention that they’re still at the pizza hut?! Then the manager came and asked them to leave because obviously! Then they got caught by the police. Real fun story, made even funnier when you realize that M.J. 's son had asked her to leave this one out because it was too weird even for her.
Tears For Tiers
Just about the time the lockdown was announced.
Single girl
Bruh why did she just make new lyrics to the barbie girl song. No seriously. I’m a single girl, in a covid world???
Tears for Tears 2
Did I understand this? Not really, she’s just talking about lockdown. I’m convinced that at this point she has gone completely insane.
Dear Mr President
Okay I will admit this one was funny. She’s basically written a letter to Donald Trump in which she just talks about anything including how her sister’s name is Karen and that she’s also a boomer. “So she doesn’t like it. But she’s a bitch so It’s fine.” honestly mood. And with this letter M.J. sent a DVD of independence day which is some movie or whatever. Anyway this was just weird.
Auntie Vax (Is Coming To Town)
You guessed it, it’s another rewritten lyrics to a song, this time about vaccines because why not?
The Big Blue Bus
I did not understand anything in this poem, maybe it’s just because I’m not British, but damn was this one bad. Also she admits that the bus wasn’t actually blue, but red??
New Year, New Me
Just about her being delusional about being able to change over night. Can you tell that I don’t care about half of these?
The Storm
I think this was about natural disasters.
Dear Mr New President
This time it’s a letter to Joe Biden. Also can someone explain to me why this British woman is sending letters to the president of a country literally across the world? This is honestly hilarious because in this letter she confidently states that she thinks she’ll hear back from him and that they could maybe go out for lunch or tea when he comes to the UK. She talks about her time at Disney world in 2002 for some reason and how she knows being a president is hard because she once planned a baby shower that ended in disaster. Two very similar things I assure you.
Vaccine Roll Out
What do you think this one is about? Yeah we don’t need to talk about it further.
The Ferrets
I know this is what you have all been waiting for, the poem about the ferrets. I regret to inform you that M.J. 's monstrous soon to be ex husband took the ferrets with him and released them into the wild just to hurt her, because cheating on her with her sister and giving her a yeast infection wasn’t enough I guess. Like what did that woman do to you? But luckily M.J. has gotten a new ferret named Chump. Also she calls her soon to be ex husband a bastard like a lot and i mean rightfully so, he took the ferrets!
Anyway this has been my hopefully entertaining riffed review. My next riffed review will probably come out this month too. And I’ll leave you with two words as clues as to what book it is: paint and soup. Have fun guessing!
April 16, 2021
2 STARS BECAUSE LIKE I'D HOPED THERE WAS A POEM ABOUT THE FAMOUS FERRETS !!!!!!
" The Ferrets " a poem by: M.J. Edwards
you took my babies from me
you bastard.
you don't even like them
you bastard.
you just did it to hurt me
you bastard.
their furry little noses,
their beady little eyes,
like snakes, but fluffy, and with legs.
I loved them all, like I birthed them myself,
and you snatched them away,
in the dead of night.
like the hamburgler prowling McDonald's kitchen.
you bastard.
and then, I'm shocked to discover,
you released them into the wild,
and now, the Isle of Wight,
has a population of ferrets they did not ask for.
they didn't ask for them at all.
you bastard.
but alas, come hither, pip pip,
I will have the last laugh.
because I went to the pet shop,
oh yes I did.
and I have a new baby of my own.
huzzah.
I say,
I have a new baby of my own.
he is called chump.
you bastard.
" The Ferrets " a poem by: M.J. Edwards
you took my babies from me
you bastard.
you don't even like them
you bastard.
you just did it to hurt me
you bastard.
their furry little noses,
their beady little eyes,
like snakes, but fluffy, and with legs.
I loved them all, like I birthed them myself,
and you snatched them away,
in the dead of night.
like the hamburgler prowling McDonald's kitchen.
you bastard.
and then, I'm shocked to discover,
you released them into the wild,
and now, the Isle of Wight,
has a population of ferrets they did not ask for.
they didn't ask for them at all.
you bastard.
but alas, come hither, pip pip,
I will have the last laugh.
because I went to the pet shop,
oh yes I did.
and I have a new baby of my own.
huzzah.
I say,
I have a new baby of my own.
he is called chump.
you bastard.
March 29, 2021
The words of a QUEEN
March 7, 2021
A little more serious than her recent stories, with commentary of the past year and the sh*t show that was 2020 but still sprinkled with the humour that I've come to love.
The updates on her life (with the b**tard husband, evil sister and the ferrets) are just everything I didn't know I wanted. Thank you for sharing MJ, I have become weirdly invested in what happens in your life!
(PS - Someone tell GR that they've tagged the wrong author again)
The updates on her life (with the b**tard husband, evil sister and the ferrets) are just everything I didn't know I wanted. Thank you for sharing MJ, I have become weirdly invested in what happens in your life!
(PS - Someone tell GR that they've tagged the wrong author again)
March 20, 2021
Her best one yet!
That pizza hut story tho....
That pizza hut story tho....
September 5, 2021
Per the "About the Author" conclusion:
. . . I think you are in need of therapy, Ms. Edwards.
"M.J. is in the process of rebuilding her life, thanks to the kind support of the people who continue to read her books.
She is currently living in a studio flat with Chump (although the landlord doesn't know about him) and likes setting up fake Facebook accounts to send unflattering messages to her sister and soon-to-be-ex-husband.
She loves chump very much."
. . . I think you are in need of therapy, Ms. Edwards.
Read
June 22, 2021How can someone critique such a masterpiece of work? It goes without saying that M. J. Edwards could write Romeo & Juliet, but Shakespeare could never even come close to touching the brilliance that is I F*cking Hate Zoom Quizzes.
The poetry collection truly shows her passion and the emotional rollercoaster the last year has been for her: her husband leaving her, moving in with her son Richard, the utter calamity of the Ferret situation, and to top it all off? Our Queen had to deal with the Coronavirus and endless Zoom quizzes.
Jokes aside, it wasn't quite as detailed or WTF funny as her other work, but it still retained a sense of humour. What pleasantly surprised me the most was the amount of social commentary within this book.
The poetry collection truly shows her passion and the emotional rollercoaster the last year has been for her: her husband leaving her, moving in with her son Richard, the utter calamity of the Ferret situation, and to top it all off? Our Queen had to deal with the Coronavirus and endless Zoom quizzes.
Jokes aside, it wasn't quite as detailed or WTF funny as her other work, but it still retained a sense of humour. What pleasantly surprised me the most was the amount of social commentary within this book.
December 13, 2022
This collection definitely took me back to 2020 including the things we binge watched, what we made and ate, how we were thinking about a lot of things, etc. Honestly... at least there was hope and more positivity then and people acted empathetic. The downward spiral of nonstop hate and discourse was only just beginning then. Sigh.
March 9, 2021
Honestly MJ Edwards is a queen - as soon as I see another book has been released I buy it and reading it straight away! Always makes me laugh, and some of the poems in this book were very relatable. Her ex husband and sister need to get in the bin though! Hope she’s smashing life with Chump x
September 19, 2021
This was terrible. I read the three coronavirus books and wasn’t sure if the author was intentionally awful for humor or actually just that bad. Well I’ve figured it out. She’s really just a terrible writer. If I could I would give this less than 1 star. Just wow.
October 26, 2021
Some Poems Were Funny
Some of these poems were funny, but the ones that aren’t fall totally flat. MJ Edwards is at her best when being absurd and there was a serious lack of absurdity in this one.
Some of these poems were funny, but the ones that aren’t fall totally flat. MJ Edwards is at her best when being absurd and there was a serious lack of absurdity in this one.
March 11, 2021
What on earth did i just read...
March 14, 2021
First poem was my fav 🙊
March 13, 2022
Shockingly not the worst thing I’ve ever read.
Read
April 24, 2022a true ally 😌
July 25, 2022
Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #640,171 in Kindle Store
#2,470 in Poetry (Kindle Store)
#4,999 in Poetry Themes & Styles
#2,470 in Poetry (Kindle Store)
#4,999 in Poetry Themes & Styles
May 6, 2023
M.J. Edward's best book!
February 16, 2022
que es esto
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