Why the F*ck Can’t I Change?: Insights from a neuroscientist to show that you can

by Gabija Toleikyte

Most of us want to change something about ourselves. It might be our response to stress, our weight, patterns in our relationships or our performance at work. Change is hard, and it’s emotional, but it’s not as impossible as you think…

In this groundbreaking book, neuroscientist and behavioural coach Dr. Gabija Toleikyte gets straight to the heart of why we form certain habits and behaviours and shows how we can realistically stop ourselves from repeating the same mistakes.

Gabija takes us on an eye-opening journey through the extraordinary human brain, exploring how it deals with the everyday challenges that face us all. With relatable case studies and practical strategies and tools, Gabija demonstrates in this expertly researched book how you can rethink change, including:

Why you shouldn’t suddenly stop bad habits.

How you can take control of your emotions.

Simple ways to improve your productivity at work.

How you can become a better communicator and decision-maker.

The secret to strengthening your relationships.

How to look after your brain health and why it’s so important.

This transformative, inspiring and empowering book will help you get unstuck and guide you through every step in achieving meaningful, lasting change in every aspect of your life.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Mental Health, Neuroscience, Science, Audiobook

Paperback

First published January 21, 2021

Reviews

[Emma · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book might well have been written for me. The title certainly reflects a question I always end up asking myself. Half the time it seems like I fail to stick to my new habits without any conscious decision not to- choices made on autopilot or under the emotional pressure of a really shitty day. I'm not one for self-help books usually, but I wanted to see if this tell me why I find it so difficult to change even smallest things.

Dr. Toleikyte's book offers a scientific and powerfully explanatory basis for thinking about why we do the things we do. While not all of it will be relevant to every reader at the point they pick it up, the first section on personality, habits, and emotions has general applicability. Within that section are practical ways of identifying your real 'self' amongst all the fake versions we present to ourselves and to others. I could see immediately how well these tasks could work, so much so that it made me not want to do them. Trying to truly understand yourself is a terrifying thing- you might not like what you find. But the principle of this book is that you have to clear away all the noise, all the bullshit, to identify what matters to you and why you think the things you do about yourself, your relationships, you work and more. Only in doing that, can you see the fault lines in your thinking. Flawed assumptions, goals that reflect other people's desires rather than your own, expectations placed upon you by society that you don't even really believe in. It allows you to consider much more clearly what you want to change and why. In some cases whether you really do. There's a lot to consider here.

This is not one of those books you put down filled with the determined (and naive) spirit of someone who has just written their New Year's Resolution. It's one you ponder. You think about what it said and make connections and perhaps do the tasks again, but more honestly. It offers understanding, or at least the beginnings of it, and that's a good step towards change I think.

ARC via Netgalley

[Alicia Bayer · Rating 3 out of 5]

The title gives a rather misleading impression of this book, which is very science-heavy and serious. It was written by a neuroscience and covers the neurological reasons behind things like why we pick partners that remind us of the worst parts of our parents or can never keep up habit changes. There are nine chapters, which cover topics like communication, leadership, habits and relationships. It goes into heavy science about the types of things going on in the brain that cause us to make bad decisions and such. There are suggestions to correct these, but none are quick or easy. For instance, if you want to stop eating pastries one thing to do is make a list of the things that are most important to you and then make a list of like 50 good benefits to giving up pastries (look good in jeans, save money you can use on hobbies, increase health, etc.). It's very science-heavy. I'm a science geek and I found myself really tired of it before I got far into it, but it was still interesting information. There are a lot of examples of people (and the author) to illustrate her teachings. A summary at the end of each chapter reminds you of all the key takeaways for that topic.

I read a digital ARC of this book for review.

[Dar vieną puslapį · Rating 4 out of 5]

Su audio knygom mano toks keistas santykis. Tai aš pagaunu kablį ir klausau klausau klausau, tai neįsijungiu šimtmečius. Šią audio knygą pradėjau klausyti gana seniai. Pradžia buvo VAU. Taip įdomu, kad sunku išjungti. Paskui atsirado kažkoks nuobodulys ir ilgą laiką nebejungiau. Dabar, atsiradus šuniui mūsų šeimoje, normalu, kad nupėdinam ne po vieną tūkstantį žingsnių ir tikrai norisi kažko paklausyti. Tai šią knygą "damušiau" ir, turiu pasakyti, kad su nemenku susidomėjimu. Beje, man Baltų lankų audio knygos patinka labiau nei Audiotekos, nes įgarsintojų balsai, dikcija ir pasakojimo tonas priimtinesni ir kažkaip neerzina, kas man gana dažnai būdavo su Audioteka. Klausau klausau ir tik pastebiu, kad mintys pabėgo, tai čia to nebūna. Tad, jei noriste bandyti klausyti knygų arba, jei netyčia neprilipo jų klausymas, duokit šansą Baltų lankų audio knygoms, nes o gal patiks?

Dabar papasakosiu savo įspūdžius apie knygą. Nemažai domiuosi psichologija. Čia mano tema ir man labai įdomu. Šįkart buvo paimtas, iš pirmo žvilgsnio, gana sausas ir nuobodus mokslinis kampas apie pokyčius mūsų gyvenime. Ir nepameluosiu sakydama, kad tie moksliniai intarpai ne patys įdomiausi, bet pats žmogiško elgesio dekonstravimas ir racionalaus mokslinio žvigsnio įvedimas vietomis nunešė stogelį. Ir čia ne tik kalbama apie kaip pasikeisti į geresnę savo versiją, bet labai konkretūs patarimai apie tai, ką daryti ir kodėl vienas ar kitas poelgis padarys teigiamą įtaką. Nebijokite, kad nesuprasite. Viskas tikrai aišku, suprantama ir pagaulu.

Labai daug praktinių patarimų. Čia ne dar vienas "filosofinis traktatas" iš serijos, jei labai nori - tau tikrai pavyks. Konrečiai žingsnis po žingsnio įvardinta ką daryti. Įsiminė labai įdomi situacija, kai mokslininkė pasakojo kaip įveikti depresinę būseną po artimo žmogaus netekties. Jokio smegenų plovimo tik konkretūs ir labai realiai įgyvedinami žingsniai. Taip pat nemažai kalbama apie motyvaciją, vertybes, laiko planavimą. Žodžiu, daug naudingos info.

Aš negaliu atsidžiaugti leidyklos drąsa leistis į avantiūrą ir skaitytojams pasiūlyti gana nestandartinę mokslo populiarinimo knygą. Pagaulus pavadinimas ir turtingas turinys padės į neuromokslą pažvelgti smalsiomis ir atviromis akimis. Jei norite kažką savo gyvenime keisti, auginti motyvaciją, mažiau laiko skirti prokrastinacijai - ši knyga Jums puikiai tiks. Ir dar kartą rekomenduoju išbandyti Baltų lankų audio knygas, nes kokybė puiki.

📕 Susitikime IG: https://www.instagram.com/dar.viena.p...
📕 Susitikime Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/dar.viena.puslapi

[Monika Gražinskienė · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nors viršelis žada gana popsinę saviugdos knygą - knygos turinys labai naudingas. Aprašyta, kaip veikia mūsų smegenys, kaip ir kodėl jos reaguoja vienokiose ar kitokiose situacijose. Knyga skirta gilesniam savęs (ir kitų) pažinimui ir supratimui iš neuromokslinės pusės.
Knyga parašyta gana lengvu, struktūruotu stiliumi, įterpti ir kai kurie koučingo (lavybos) patarimai. Prisitaikiau sau nemažai situacijų ir pavyzdžių.

[Gerda Janušauskaitė · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not your regulat self help book. It was so interesting to read, re-read and think about practising. I feel like I have learned a great deal about the way brain works and the way to go along with it

[Šarūnas Cikanavičius · Rating 5 out of 5]

Viena geriausių skaitytų knygų apie fiziologijos ir smegenų įtaką savijautai, elgsenai bei tarpasmeniniams santykiams.

[Cat · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and Thread Books for the chance to read an early copy of this book!

This cover and title jumped out at me, and I imagine you might do the same. Self-improvement is always on my mind, especially now that we're in "New Year's Resolution" season. While this book isn't a magic pill, it is stuffed full of practical tips and insights into why our brain is fighting us so much.

I always appreciate a well-structured self help book. The chapters are very clearly laid out, with each chapter starting with an overview and ending with a summary, with lots of subsections in between. There is a LOT of information, and I had a hard time absorbing more than one chapter at a time. But also, because of the convenient structure, it's easy to look back and refresh yourself.

My main detraction from the book was that I didn't find the personal examples (which included both personal anecdotes from the author as well as hypothetical scenarios) very useful and just skimmed through those. Additionally, for all the emphasis on actionable tips, there were some very elaborate list-making requests like "write down 50 reasons why this is a good thing" that immediately put me into a detached, defensive mode.

Still, I really think I'll be turning back to this information. It touches on many different dimensions, which will stand out in different ways to different people. For example, the Leadership section really spoke to some management style issues I've been struggling with at work, but the [Romantic] Relationships section didn't seem particularly useful (I guess I should be grateful I'm in a healthy relationship!). This book's strength is in assimilating familiar information (habits, productivity, self-care, etc--they're all things I've seen before) and in adding the neurological background that can help your rational pre-frontal cortex identify when your "mammal brain" amygdala is taking over. This is a great overview applying these lessons (which mostly boil down to rational brain vs mammal brain) to many areas of life.

[Tara · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this right after Blame my Brain, another accessible neuroscience/self help/science for the masses book. I think it perhaps spoilt my enjoyment of this book because the intended audiences are different. So, whilst I found myself really engaging with BmB (aimed at teens) despite it not being new info for me, this book, by comparison, was too dry; too preachy.

Listing 50 reasons for anything is a big ask. You start with important things and then end up with things that are really inconsequential. I don’t rate it as a self help resource but I gave 3 stars because the broad integration of neuroscience and coaching theory was good.

I agree with other reviewers, the title really gives the impression of another book. Something with a more conversational tone and definitely not something that could double as a textbook on a counselling/coaching course.

[Dianna · Rating 5 out of 5]

I did relate to this so so much.

Such a good read!

[Mana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a great book about our habits, based on scientific facts, but very readable and easy to understand.

It offers all the knowledge about our own behaviour, why are we stuck and practical tools for creating change. We can know our true self by learning about the inner mechanisms of our brain, because our brains were designed to create and maintain habits to save energy and ensure quick reaction times.

Very inspiring and motivational guide!

[Shauna · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has a lot of good information on how habits are formed, how to break bad habits and most importantly, how to form new ones. There are several helpful exercises to help focus on what you really want and how to get there. This book is helpful for anyone wanting to make a change or even just wanting a better understanding of their own behavior.

[Gill · Rating 5 out of 5]

Why can’t I change? – it’s a question I ask myself on a regular basis, so when I saw the title of this book I couldn’t resist having a read of it.

This is a fascinating book. When a neuroscientist starts explaining to you in relatively layman terms how your brain works and what the different parts do and how that in turn affects other parts of the brain, you sit up and take note. As you read through the book, as well as being astounded at the cleverness of the brain, you also begin to realise that willpower alone is never going to work. I should mention though that just reading a book is never going to work either, so you need to be armed with a good notebook and a pen and be prepared to put in a lot of work yourself.

I’ve read loads of self help books and I think one of the things that stood out about this particular approach to guiding the reader is the author never tries to ‘sell’ you ideas. So often in self help books I find that the author will keep repeating themselves over and over on a given idea to the extent you begin to wonder who they’re trying to convince, you the reader or themselves. The writing in this book is kept to the point with clear and concise suggestions on how you should go about change with perhaps one real life example to explain the point. The other thing I liked was there wasn’t the constant citation of research data that you so often see in these kinds of books which I always find distracting.

The book is split up into sections but I would definitely recommend starting with section one which is changing habits, changing emotions and changing personality. The last one perhaps sounds more extreme than it actually is. You’ll still be the same old you, just with a better understanding of what makes you tick, and how you can improve some of the traits you might think you were born with but which you are actually able to work with and change to some extent. Among some of the other chapters are changing your productivity, changing your brain health and changing relationships.

I really enjoyed this fascinating book and will most definitely be going right back to the beginning, this time with a notebook to hand and much more time to digest and put into action some of the suggestions.

It’s time to calm your Amygdala, engage your PFC and trigger that neural plasticity into change, hopefully for the better.

[Suz Jay · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book does a deep dive on the benefits of changing one’s habits, emotions, personality, productivity, brain health, decision making, leadership, relationships, and communication and explores the reasons why our minds and bodies behave the way they do, e.g. there’s plenty of references to the primitive mammal part of the brain that kept humans alive in prehistoric times.

The tone of the book is a mismatch with the trendy title. The information is provided in excessive detail, which will likely appeal to people who want more of the psychology and neuroscience background information, rather than those who prefer a streamlined delivery of the facts needed to affect the promised change. While each chapter ends with a summary, readers drawn to the profanity in the title may expect a jauntier, faster paced read.

My favorite chapters are the ones that dealt with emotions, brain health, and productivity. I liked the description of the addictiveness of dopamine. The author mentioned the study that showed how rodents altered so dopamine is delivered when a button is pressed will keep zapping themselves seeking the buzz until they die of starvation, which explains man’s desire for modern dopamine delivery devices such as social media likes and follows.

I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

Thanks to Thread Books for providing an Advance Reader Copy via NetGalley.

[Flynn De Smet · Rating 4 out of 5]

Het boek “Why the f*ck can’t I change?” is een zeer interessant boek, niet alleen helpt het je met jezelf te veranderen, ook is het wetenschappelijk onderbouwd. Dit wil wel zeggen dat er soms wat wetenschappelijke delen zijn. Zo wordt er vaak gepraat over specifieke delen van de hersenen en wat deze doen. Echter heb ik niet het idee dat iemand die niets weet van neurologie hier echt last van zou hebben. Je kan perfect alle wetenschappelijke delen achterwege laten.
Het gaat exact over de titel, waarom kan ik niet veranderen, en het belangrijkste deel, hoe verander ik wel. Elk hoofdstuk gaat over een ander aspect, hoe je het verandert en waarom het zo moeilijk is om zonder een begrip van het onderwerp te veranderen.

Op een bepaald moment wordt uitgelegd waarom we bepaalde emoties vertonen vanuit een evolutionair standpunt. Bijvoorbeeld angst, het is een gevoel dat signaleert dat je geen kans hebt om te winnen(bv. tegen een veel grotere roofdier). Maar tegenwoordig kom je zo’n situaties niet meer tegen, echter kom je wel tegen dat je bang kan worden om een moeilijke toets te maken, je misschien je baan kan verliezen, etc.
Vaak zijn deze situaties minder erg dan dat de hersenen ze voor doen. Daarbovenop komt dan ook nog dat het voor angst niet uitmaakt of het denkbeeldig is of realiteit.
Maar meestal zijn deze angsten(zeker de denkbeeldige) minder erg dan de realiteit. Het is bijvoorbeeld niet het eind van de wereld als je je baan verliest, of 1 toets net iets minder goed maakt. Een goede techniek om te beseffen hoe niet erg de situatie is, is zeggen dat het iemand anders is die het meemaakt en dan denken wat die persoon daarna kan gaan doen. Vaak gelden de dingen waarmee je zal opkomen ook gelden voor jou.

Op zich vond ik het boek heel goed geschreven. Het is vlot te lezen en voelt ook echt zo aan, normaal gezien geraak ik nogal gefrustreerd omdat ik maar niet vooruit geraak in een boek, wat ik deze keer niet had. Ook de uitleg van alle fenomenen vind ik echt goed, ik heb geen enkele keer gedacht “wat een raar voorbeeld”.

[Renata Strakšienė · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kaip Dievą myliu- niekad knygose nebraukau, nei pieštukais nei tušinukais, bet taip mane įtraukė Gabijos Toleikytės knyga ir greitai supratau- be žymeklio pražūsiu. Dar daugiau- užsakiau iš knygyno įvairių spalvų plonai rašančių žymeklių visą komplektą kad galėčiau žymėtis iš ko susideda smegenys.
Paprastai vengiu tokiais skambiais pavadinimais savipagalbos (ypač amerikiečių autorių) knygų, nes jau savaime traukuliai prasideda nuo tokių losungų- mąstyk pozityviai!! kelk užpakalį nuo sofos!! tu gali!! ir etc. Tuo tarpu čia- be skambių frazių, iš karto rimtai, moksliškai, be fanfarų prieinama prie smegenų struktūros, prie procesų vykstančių smegenyse, kas padeda mums mąstyti, o kas trukdo laikytis duotų pažadų sau. Apie bendravimą šeimoje, apie sprendimų priėmimą, apie lyderystę darbe, visada įdomu išgirsti iš neuromokslinkės lūpų.
Beskaitydama aplinkiniams išreklamavau koks tai deimantas grynuolis- susidarė eilutė su prašymais tipo paskolink kai perskaitysi. Pažadėjau, bet dabar galvoju- niekam neskolinsiu, reikia turėti savo, kad nenujotų tokio lobio.

[Zee Monodee · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really interesting book which however reads very science-heavy and almost like a medical neuroscience textbook at times. The many mentions of the different parts of the brain each and every time can be a tad confusing, too. However, cannot fault the information and the wealth of knowledge in there. Kudos to the author for attempting to bridge the gap between medical speak and the layman's world

[Kornelija Giedrikaitė · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5⭐️

[Ugnė · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vasarą baigiu su šia knyga. Daug naujų ir negirdėtų dalykų apie smegenų veiklą ir jos dalis.
Tik tiek - rekomenduoju. Jeigu ne dabar - tai vėliau. Manau, kad suprasti savo smegenų veiklą yra svarbus, nes nuo jų esame priklausomi (nori, ar nenori)...
... o dabar - laukiam rudenėlio...

[Nikki · Rating 4 out of 5]

Why the F*ck Can't I Change? Insights from a neuroscientist to show that you can by Dr. Gabija Toleikyte
Publisher: Thread Books
Genre: Health, Mind & Body | Self-Help
Release Date: January 21, 2021

Why the F*ck Can't I Change? by Dr. Gabija Toleikyte is a fascinating look at change.

The book is broken into three parts, which is then broken in to related chapters. Part one is called “Changing the Self” and focuses on your habits, emotions, and personality. Part two is called “Changing the Results” and focuses on changing your productivity, your brain health, and your decision-making. Part three is called “Changing Relationships” and focuses on changing your leadership, your relationships, and your communication.
This really is a great resource and contains so much information. It is easy to read and the author guides you along the way. This really was a fascinating read. I will definitely be re-reading it with a notebook to take notes!

I would recommend this to anyone who is struggling, feels stuck, or who wants to create better habits and results!

I'm so grateful to Dr. Gabija Toleikyte, Thread Books, and NetGalley for providing me with a free copy of this ARC ebook in exchange for my honest review.

[Skaistė Girtienė · Rating 5 out of 5]

Labai įdomi knyga, kuri padeda pažvelgti į keitimosi procesą per neuromokslų prizmę, smegenų ypatumus. Manau, verta atsiversti ir gilintis dar kartą, kad padėtų imtis ir įtvirtini pokyčius. Yra daug stiprių užduočių, kaip judėti pokyčių link.

[Rahel Charikar · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Why the F*ck Can't I Change?" by Gabija Toleikyte is a thought-provoking and informative book that explores the reasons why we struggle to make changes in our lives, and offers practical advice on how to overcome these obstacles. The author, a neuroscientist and behavioural coach, takes us on a journey through the human brain, explaining how our habits and behaviours are formed and offering strategies for breaking free from them.

One of the strengths of this book is the author's ability to explain complex neuroscience concepts in an accessible and engaging way. The use of relatable case studies and practical tools makes the information easy to understand and apply. The author also provides a refreshingly honest and relatable perspective on the challenges of change, acknowledging that it is not a quick fix, but a process that requires effort and commitment.

The book is divided into chapters that cover different aspects of change, including emotions, productivity, communication, relationships, and brain health. Each chapter provides actionable steps that readers can take to make meaningful changes in their lives. The author emphasizes the importance of taking small, incremental steps towards change, rather than trying to make sudden, drastic changes that are unlikely to be sustainable.

Overall, "Why the F*ck Can't I Change?" is an excellent resource for anyone who wants to make positive changes in their life but is struggling to do so. The author's expertise in neuroscience and behavioural coaching, combined with her accessible writing style, make this book a valuable tool for anyone looking to understand why change is hard and how to overcome the obstacles that stand in the way. Highly recommended.

[Angie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is an interesting book with an offputting title. It's written by a neuroscientist, who I am presuming wouldn't use the title in her academic work but thinks it will work to sell books. In my opinion it cheapers the publisher and the author. No serious academic author would want to be so discredited by using a junky title to sell a book.

The content is interesting and non-sweary. I've read many books on behaviour and behavioural change, and this one had a few new ideas for me, so if you are struggling to change bad habits, or make improvements in your work life, home life or relationships, this book could be a helpful read for you.

If you can see past the title and realise that this is a serious book written by an academic neuroscientist, you may find it of use. If however you are expecting the level of language to be the same as the title, you may find it hard going.

[Agne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nesitikėjau, kad ši knyga bus tokia gera! Puikūs pavyzdžiai, aiškiai perteikta gana sudėtinga informacija apie žmogaus smegenis bei įpročius.

[Karalee Shotola · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is divided into 9 chapters, and every chapter starts with what you will learn and ends with a summary. The first chapter is about habits and how they form, why they are hard to change and why just stopping bad habits does not work. The second chapter focuses on emotions and the 8 major types while chapter three is on personality and your own values and separating those from other people's values. Chapter four is all about productivity, memory, attention span, and procrastination, and chapter five covers brain health and neurotransmitters. Chapter six is about decision-making including emotional and rational decisions and biases while chapter seven is about dissonant and resonant leadership, task-positive and default mode networks, and how to become more resonant. Chapter eight is focused on relationships, attachment styles, healing trauma and the inner child, and 7 core principles for building a solid and lasting relationship. Lastly, chapter nine covers effective communication, arguments, steps to express yourself effectively and to listen in an empathetic non-judgemental way, internal communication, harmful interactions in relationships, and ways to introduce positive communication. The book concludes with a hypothetical example to show how the ideas in each chapter can help make lasting change and includes a list of references and future reading for each chapter.
The book has a lot of practical information and exercises to do such as only changing one thing at a time and making a list of benefits and reasons for the new habit for each area of your life to breathing exercises and writing things you are grateful for. The book also includes lists such as tips to get a better night's sleep to a list of low-effort activities to change your brain chemistry when you are stuck in a dark place as well as things to not do. There was also the task of writing down the qualities of a leader who inspired you compared to the qualities of someone who brought out the worst in you to help understand the difference between resonant and dissonant leaders. The book can at times feel dense because it discusses areas of the brain and processes that occur, but the examples and metaphors make the book clearer. However, since the book is so neuroscience heavy, I would not recommend it to those who are looking for a quick self-help read.
Thank you to NetGalley for providing me with a copy of this book.

[Josephine · Rating 3 out of 5]

For some reason, because of the title, I thought this would be more humorous. Probably because of the swearing in the title and a lot of books use that in a funny way. I still thought that, even if it was funny, it would offer insights, and while it's not humorous, it did offer interesting insights. I liked the chapters on Changing Your Relationships, Changing Your Communication, and Changing Your Personality.

Changing Your Personality goes over how we get our personality, what biases are, and how to discover what your values are. There's a 13 question survey to help you determine and document your values (you later use this in other chapters). It also covers challenging 'shoulds' and letting go of other people's values.

Changing Your Relationships goes over how to align your values and create a conscious partnership. Each partner identifies their top three values (using a questionnaire from another chapter in the book) and then the partners figure out how to align these values to help reduce friction.

Changing Your Communication goes over the best way to have difficult conversations and also covers the four types of interactions that are harmful. The author discussing the ratio that is required between positive and negative interactions in order to have a fulfilling relationship, and offers ways to have more positive communication in your relationships. There is a section on internal communication, as well, since how we talk to ourselves is as important as how we talk to others.

Thank you to NetGalley, the publisher, and the author for a free eARC in exchange for an honest review.

[Alyssa Montague · Rating 4 out of 5]

Based on the title I was expecting this to be a self-help book along the lines of books with similar titles that provide vague suggestions and end feeling like a very long infomercial for some program the author is running. I was PLEASANTLY SURPRISED! As a Licensed Professional Counselor I found the information very relevant and this could easily be a book I would recommend or lend to my clients. I like that there were real activities that the author explained and then gave examples of instead of a rough description with no application like books with similar titles. I read other reviews where people discussed the activities being tedious and time consuming but I feel that this is necessary to create real life-long change rather than a brief spurt of motivation that fades away faster than a drunken New Years resolution.

My only issues are that the title, while attention grabbing, is going to attract more of the self-help feel good group of readers and miss the more professional readers who will also find it very useful. I also wish it were being published in the United States as I have not found it available anywhere other than a bookstore in the UK where shipping will be as much as the book. Hoping to see an American publication soon but will plan to splurge on a couple copies from the UK store if not available. It is that worthwhile!

I read this book free from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

[Daiva Pamaiva · Rating 4 out of 5]

Paprastai, suprantamai ir aiškiai parašyta knyga.
Keli nauji dalykai:
- atidėliojimas žmogui suteikia pasitenkinimą: "Dopaminas taip pat sukelia motyvacijos pojūtį ir troškimą kartoti veiksmus, kurie anksčiau paskatino dopamino išsiskyrimą. Dopamino lygis auga, kai tikimės atpildo, ypač jei jis nėra užtikrintas. Dėl to mus traukia jaudinanti santykių nežinomybė, smagūs pomėgiai ir profesines rizikos. Daugybė dalykų gali užvaldyti dopamino sistemą - rekreaciniai narkotikai, cukrus, kofeinas, socialiniai tinklai, atidėliojimas, - ir taip nutikus tampa sunku toki intensyvų malonumą teikiančias veiklas nutraukti.”
- visada buvau skeptiška dėkingumo praktikoms, bet knygos autorė suteikia naują perspektyvą: "Kitas būdas puoselėti migdoliniam kūnui palankesnį vidinį dialogą yra vesti „kas gero nutiko šiandien" dėkingumo sąrasą. Tuo savo migdoliniam kūnui parodome, kas mūsų aplinkoje gera, ir suteikiame sau galimybę subalansuoti savo pasaulėvaizdį. Migdolinis kūnas vis tiek savaime pastebės netobulus dalykus, bet bent jau bus kuo juos atsverti. Į dėkingumo sąrašą galima traukti labai konkrečių dalykų, kurie mums turi prasmę. Pavyzdžiui:
Ryte smagiai pavedžiojau šunį.
Kolegė įvertino, kad padėjau analizuoti duomenis.
Skaniai papietavau.
Dar viena diena praéjo be migrenos.
Pėsčiomis nuėjau dvigubai ilgesnį atstumą nei vakar.
Toks vidinis teigiamų dalykų įvertinimas leidžia pajusti pusiausvyrą ir objektyviau pažiūrėti į savo aplinką."

[Catherine Craig (Angelic Light) · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has helped me a lot. I took my time reading it, by reading a small amount of it each day, so that I could fully understand it, and so that it would help me daily. The book is inspiring, transformational and empowering, and it is full of so much knowledge and information about how to change yourself, or should I say, upgrade yourself, so that you can be the best you can be, while still remaining yourself. I see it as polishing a diamond. You are already wonderful, but sometimes you just need a little polish to get rid of the dirt, and help you to shine again.

The book helps you to look at your habits, your eight types of emotions, and your personality, then it helps you with enhancing your productivity, how to boost motivation, brain health and decision making. Next, you are taken into exploring your leadership, how to strengthen your relationships and how to help you communicate better. This is a gem of a book, which will change your life, literally! Highly recommended!

Many thanks to the author, publisher and NetGalley for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[periwynn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recommend this book to everyone who's ever asked themselves the question posed in the title.

Even though the book is very science heavy (neuroscience and psychology), it is easy to read and understand. The book is very well structured, and always starts with basic explanations so it's easy to follow along. Different chapters focus on different aspects of our life - our personality, emotions, relationships, leadership, communication etc. The book is very inspirational as it validates that you are not alone in feeling unable to change, it explains why do you actually feel so, makes you realize that you CAN actually change, you've just been doing things in scientifically not the best way possible up to now. It offers much better understanding of yourself and your behaviors, as well as reasons behind everything. It was very interesting to learn how brain functions and what's actually happening in there that causes our responses, choices, emotions, behaviors. There are also real life examples presented in the book and actual techniques how to effectively change in all areas of life.

I will definitely reread this book in the future!

(I got an arc through NetGalley.)

[Kelley · Rating 4 out of 5]

This wasn't quite what I expected. The title and cover had me expecting a more low-key, dumbed down version of a self-help book for the masses. This book was a pleasant surprise. Despite it's flashy cover and catchy title it really provides an in-depth insight into the mind, how it works and how to overcome things automatic or engrained. Parts were a bit scientific for me, but I appreciate this author delving into the real science behind life's frustrations. Patterns that can't be broken, habits that seem to take hold despite them being destructive or unproductive. There were parts of this book I went back and re-read just to fully understand what the author was saying.
I think this book may be a struggle for those looking for another self-help book that is going to tell them to buck-up, set their alarm earlier, drink more water, cut our carbs and caffeine and take time to meditate... whatever may be this year's cure-alls. This isn't the book that will say those things. But if you really want the chance to change this I suggest giving this one a real try.