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Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!
Everyone knows Scott Adams, the creator of Dilbert, as the king of workplace humor. His insights into the crazy world of business have long been on display in his hugely popular comic strip and bestselling books like The Dilbert Principle. But there's much more to life than work, and it turns out that the man behind Dogbert and the Pointy-Haired Boss has an equally outrageous take on life outside the cubicle.
Adams ventures into uncharted territory in this collection of more than 150 short pieces on everything from lunar real estate to serial killers, not to mention politics, religion, dating, underwear, alien life, and the menace of car singing. He isn't afraid to confront the most pressing questions of our day, such as the pros and cons of toothpaste smuggling, why kangaroos don't drive cars, and whether Jesus would approve of your second iPod.
Adams ventures into uncharted territory in this collection of more than 150 short pieces on everything from lunar real estate to serial killers, not to mention politics, religion, dating, underwear, alien life, and the menace of car singing. He isn't afraid to confront the most pressing questions of our day, such as the pros and cons of toothpaste smuggling, why kangaroos don't drive cars, and whether Jesus would approve of your second iPod.
356 pages, Hardcover
First published October 18, 2007
31 people are currently reading
372 people want to read
About the author
Scott Adams
281 books1,256 followersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name. See this thread for more information.
Adams was born in Windham, New York in 1957 and received his Bachelor's degree in Economics from Hartwick College in 1979.
He also studied economics and management for his 1986 MBA from the Haas School of Business at the University of California, Berkeley.
In recent years, Adams has been hurt with a series of debilitating health problems. Since late 2004, he has suffered from a reemergence of his focal dystonia which has affected his drawing. He can fool his brain by drawing using a graphics tablet. On December 12, 2005, Adams announced on his blog that he also suffers from spasmodic dysphonia, a condition that causes the vocal cords to behave in an abnormal manner. However, on October 24, 2006, he again blogged stating that he had recovered from this condition, although he is unsure if the recovery is permanent. He claims to have developed a method to work around the disorder and has been able to speak normally since. Also, on January 21, 2007, he posted a blog entry detailing his experiences with treatment by Dr. Morton Cooper.
Adams is also a trained hypnotist, as well as a vegetarian. (Mentioned in, "Dilbert: A Treasury of Sunday Strips 00).
He married Shelly Miles on July 22, 2006.
Adams was born in Windham, New York in 1957 and received his Bachelor's degree in Economics from Hartwick College in 1979.
He also studied economics and management for his 1986 MBA from the Haas School of Business at the University of California, Berkeley.
In recent years, Adams has been hurt with a series of debilitating health problems. Since late 2004, he has suffered from a reemergence of his focal dystonia which has affected his drawing. He can fool his brain by drawing using a graphics tablet. On December 12, 2005, Adams announced on his blog that he also suffers from spasmodic dysphonia, a condition that causes the vocal cords to behave in an abnormal manner. However, on October 24, 2006, he again blogged stating that he had recovered from this condition, although he is unsure if the recovery is permanent. He claims to have developed a method to work around the disorder and has been able to speak normally since. Also, on January 21, 2007, he posted a blog entry detailing his experiences with treatment by Dr. Morton Cooper.
Adams is also a trained hypnotist, as well as a vegetarian. (Mentioned in, "Dilbert: A Treasury of Sunday Strips 00).
He married Shelly Miles on July 22, 2006.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 98 reviews
December 15, 2018
Library Biography # 30
This book was a compilation of Scott Adams' blog posts. I loved pretty much every single one. They were witty and amusing.
The one thing that could have been improved is if there were dates from when they were originally published. While I enjoyed this book, I also felt that book kinda of dragged on, it was pretty long for a book of this nature.
Nice book to fit in with more serious books when I needed a brain break!
This book was a compilation of Scott Adams' blog posts. I loved pretty much every single one. They were witty and amusing.
The one thing that could have been improved is if there were dates from when they were originally published. While I enjoyed this book, I also felt that book kinda of dragged on, it was pretty long for a book of this nature.
Nice book to fit in with more serious books when I needed a brain break!
June 8, 2015
The problem with blogs is that very few of the things people have to say are interesting to anyone other than themselves or their mothers (and then only vaguely as "something my child produced", without any awareness of or commitment to the quality of the product).
Adams demonstrates this principle in his book, which is nothing more than a printout of his blog. I'm sure his mother is proud of him for writing it, even if she's never read any of it.
That said, Adams's "interesting" rate certainly exceeds that of your average blogger, and maybe one third of the entries are amusing or profound enough to make a quick skim of the book a pleasant diversion.
The rest of the entries are just the typical banality that people who enjoy their own writing think is funny or profound. Obviously, Adams applies more thought and editing to Dilbert cartoons, which have a higher success rate than this "book"--I can't call a printed blog a book without the quotation mark, especially when Adams (or the publisher) has the nerve to write on the flap: "Much of the content in this book (actually most . . . OK, fine, 98 percent) was first published on Scott Adams's blog (dilbertblog.typepad.com). But please note that his blog archive has been disabled, so don't even think about printing out all the content for free." This kind of misdirected money grab expresses disdain for the audience that has made Adams wealthy in the first place.
In point of fact, one thing that I find most disagreeable about this book is Adams's offhanded arrogance, sometimes passed off as humor, but mostly received in my mind as unpleasant disrespect for everyone not Scott Adams. I am somewhat conflicted by this, since as most office-dwellers in the information age I have found Dilbert almost universally funny and accurately concise in his lampooning of corporate management. I suppose the principle here is that words and attitudes that are funny coming from a perennially downtrodden cartoon character are not so much coming from the very successful and very wealthy man who created said character.
Adams demonstrates this principle in his book, which is nothing more than a printout of his blog. I'm sure his mother is proud of him for writing it, even if she's never read any of it.
That said, Adams's "interesting" rate certainly exceeds that of your average blogger, and maybe one third of the entries are amusing or profound enough to make a quick skim of the book a pleasant diversion.
The rest of the entries are just the typical banality that people who enjoy their own writing think is funny or profound. Obviously, Adams applies more thought and editing to Dilbert cartoons, which have a higher success rate than this "book"--I can't call a printed blog a book without the quotation mark, especially when Adams (or the publisher) has the nerve to write on the flap: "Much of the content in this book (actually most . . . OK, fine, 98 percent) was first published on Scott Adams's blog (dilbertblog.typepad.com). But please note that his blog archive has been disabled, so don't even think about printing out all the content for free." This kind of misdirected money grab expresses disdain for the audience that has made Adams wealthy in the first place.
In point of fact, one thing that I find most disagreeable about this book is Adams's offhanded arrogance, sometimes passed off as humor, but mostly received in my mind as unpleasant disrespect for everyone not Scott Adams. I am somewhat conflicted by this, since as most office-dwellers in the information age I have found Dilbert almost universally funny and accurately concise in his lampooning of corporate management. I suppose the principle here is that words and attitudes that are funny coming from a perennially downtrodden cartoon character are not so much coming from the very successful and very wealthy man who created said character.
February 28, 2012
I couldn't finish. I just couldn't.
It started out promisingly enough - the introduction began as a cheeky recalling of Adams's various attempts to do things outside the bounds of his "day job" or what he knew he was good at, and how well they went. Unfortunately, it quickly progressed into bragging about having coined a mysterious political catchphrase that could've "changed the world," and his other forays into random success. He tempers the bragging by telling us that 9 out of every 10 things he does is a miserable failure, but it still sets the tone up as quite self-indulgent.
The very very short entries in this book were, apparently, mostly written as blog entries originally. As blog entries, taken in tiny soundbites and with time in between them, I suspect they'd be clever and fun. Strung together - 150+ of them, in a thick hardcover - there are a few moments of interest and a few clever or downright hilarious bits of wordplay or description (the idea of a wolverine attempting to claw into one's brain to correct a deviated septum is not gonna leave me any time soon), but mostly it's just tedious. There's little to no sense of pacing, coherency, or transition, and I had no interest whatsoever in continuing after reading a fourth micro-rant about seatmates on a plane.
Stick to blogging, monkey brain.
It started out promisingly enough - the introduction began as a cheeky recalling of Adams's various attempts to do things outside the bounds of his "day job" or what he knew he was good at, and how well they went. Unfortunately, it quickly progressed into bragging about having coined a mysterious political catchphrase that could've "changed the world," and his other forays into random success. He tempers the bragging by telling us that 9 out of every 10 things he does is a miserable failure, but it still sets the tone up as quite self-indulgent.
The very very short entries in this book were, apparently, mostly written as blog entries originally. As blog entries, taken in tiny soundbites and with time in between them, I suspect they'd be clever and fun. Strung together - 150+ of them, in a thick hardcover - there are a few moments of interest and a few clever or downright hilarious bits of wordplay or description (the idea of a wolverine attempting to claw into one's brain to correct a deviated septum is not gonna leave me any time soon), but mostly it's just tedious. There's little to no sense of pacing, coherency, or transition, and I had no interest whatsoever in continuing after reading a fourth micro-rant about seatmates on a plane.
Stick to blogging, monkey brain.
January 30, 2013
I was never a Dilbert fan, so I didn't realize how wonderfully clever Scott Adams is. Two thumbs way up. Kindle quotes:
Maybe it’s the way I was raised, but I find that I get mad about all the wrong things. For example, when I hear a news report about some serial killer who buried forty-three victims in an underground bunker that he constructed beneath his shed, my first reaction is Wow, he built an underground bunker under a shed! I find myself admiring his industriousness and passion in the pursuit of his dreams. That’s clearly wrong. - 446
A potato-shaped woman with unfashionable glasses herded me into the “severe search” line. Someone told me to stand in a high-tech phone booth sort-o-thing that blew air on me, analyzed it, and informed the technician whether I had been in contact with explosives lately. I passed the test, but I spent the whole time wondering how I could get some. - 490
Did you see the story about the convicted murderer who escaped prison by using a fake ID and a set of civilian clothes? The guards just opened the door and let him out. The authorities described the escapee as narcissistic. That’s the fancy way of saying he thinks he’s better than other people. I have to admit, if I made a fake ID using nothing but a pack of Marlboros and a spoon, and made a set of civilian clothes out of pillowcases, then walked out of jail, I’d be feeling pretty good about myself, too. - 557
Narcissistic Murderer Update Police caught the escaped narcissistic murderer. Apparently they found him standing outside a liquor store, drunk, making no effort to hide his identity. This has caused some observers to conclude that he wasn’t so smart after all. But you aren’t thinking like a narcissistic criminal mastermind. My theory is that he left something in his cell, say a pair of good sunglasses or a pack of cigarettes, and he wanted to go back and get them. He knows he can escape anytime he wants. But this time, just for the extra challenge, he wants to do it while drunk. On some level, I admire his attitude. - 570
One of the most common questions I get is “Do you ever get writer’s block?” The thing I love about that question is that it reveals a wonderful optimism in the person who is asking. I suspect that the people who ask this question believe they possess deep wells of creativity and talent that are inexplicably blocked. All they need is the secret unblocking spell from a cartoonist and then a geyser of bestselling books will spray forth. - 578
I don’t want to say that I prefer the technology to my natural body parts, but it’s worth noting that only my liver complains if I drink too much. - 654
Today I am whacked out on pain killers because yesterday I had surgery to correct my deviated septum. I didn’t ask a lot of questions about the procedure, but I can deduce most of the details based on the way I feel today. - 665
Today my wallet was stolen for the four hundredth time, and frankly I’m sick of it. I don’t know what bothers me more—the crime or the fact that the thief always sneaks back into my home an hour later and puts the wallet back in a hard-to-find place such as the top of my dresser. There’s never anything missing from the wallet, so I know the thief isn’t especially good at his job. It might be the same idiot who keeps stealing my car every time I park it at the airport. - 758
You’ve probably noticed that opinion pollsters go out of their way to include as many morons as possible in surveys. That’s called a representative sample. And what it means is that the opinion of Einstein, for example, counts as much as the opinion of the guy who thinks The Family Circus comic is sending him secret messages via Little Billy. I think it’s dangerous to inform morons about what their fellow morons are thinking. It only reinforces their opinions. And the one thing worse than a moron with an opinion is lots of them. - 777
I knew that my fiancée’s job of shopping for me wouldn’t be so easy. I have the deadly combination of not caring much about material possessions plus a high disposable income. - 824
Unfortunately, gifts are too easy to buy these days. Nothing takes long enough to showcase my diligent thought and hard work. My fallback plan is to create a spreadsheet where I can log the time I spend “thinking about” her gift. I’ll have a column for comments, in case she audits it later. The comments will be things such as “Thought about how much she likes eating crab. Didn’t think of any good crab-related gifts.” Here again, as is often the case with me, I am penalized for being a fast thinker. I’ll have to have a footnote that says I round everything up to the nearest fifteen-minute increment. - 835
Adopting a baby seems like a lot of work, especially when you consider the “flying to another country” part. I want to be nice, but in a way that involves fewer flies. - 981
If you have ever had a severe back sprain, you can answer the following with no problem. Which activity is most likely to result in the worst back pain of your life? Skiing to outrace an avalanche Lifting a car to save a baby Kickboxing competition Bending over to pick up a piece of Pringles you spit out while laughing at your own joke The last thing your back wants is for you to have an excellent story to mitigate some of your discomfort. - 1102
This morning at about dawn, I was sipping some green tea and looking for more whales from the comfort of my condo. Suddenly I spotted a whale down on the beach. It appeared to be dead. This excited me because I’ve always wanted to see a dead whale up close. I couldn’t wait to finish my tea, grab my flip-flops, and take a better look. But in time, the light of day informed me that it was only a large rock. The bottom line is that I spent a good thirty minutes being entertained by a rock impersonating a dead whale. - 1282
The biggest relationship mistake you can make is to assume that because you have some special training or knowledge on a topic, that your opinion should be extra important. - 1288
Instead, I offer you the only solution: the WCM Method. WCM stands for Who Cares Most. If you want your relationship to have a chance, defer all decisions and interpretations of fact to the person who cares the most. In practice, this will mean that women will make 98 percent of all the decisions and be “right” 98 percent of the time. - 1294
It makes me wish I were one of those people who can’t read faces—I think they’re called engineers. - 1355
The public announcement system just told me to report any people who “look suspicious.” This is a big category. I need clearer guidance. I just saw an incredibly hot woman traveling with an ugly guy. That looks suspicious. And a maintenance guy just walked by wearing one glove. What’s he up to? Am I to believe it’s only cold on one side? - 1464
I feel some inner need to keep the budget under control without appearing cheap. My current strategy is to frame all wedding decisions in terms of how many African villagers could be saved from starvation with the equivalent amount of money. For example: FIANCÉE: Do you think we should have a big cake or a little one? SCOTT: Well, the difference in price seems to be…about twelve Rwandans. It’s up to you, honey. - 1479
Now all I had to do was convince my doctor(s) that I wasn’t nuts and that I had a very rare condition. As you might imagine, when you tell a doctor that you think you have a very rare condition, that doctor will tell you that it’s very unlikely. Your first impulse might be to point out that “very rare” is a lot like “very unlikely,” but you don’t do that, because doctors have wide latitude in deciding which of your orifices they will use for various medical apparati. - 1512
I keep hearing the argument that some things are constitutional while other things are not. The idea is that we should be in favor of all the things that were decided over two hundred years ago by a bunch of slave-owning cross-dressers who pooped in holes. - 1549
People assumed that because I want to label the majority opinion “right” and the minority opinion “wrong” that I would also favor mob rule. No way. I still favor the traditional system where rich people run the country and convince the morons who live here that the voters are really the ones in charge. It’s not a perfect system, but no one has come up with a better one. And it’s fair in the sense that anyone could become rich and abuse the poor. - 1564
For those of you who have never taken a dance class, it goes something like this. First, the instructor demonstrates some footwork a bit too fast for you to have any frickin’ idea what he did. Then he repeats the demonstration several times, each time differently as far as you can tell. - 1714
also wonder if showing respect for all beliefs is causing more problems than it is avoiding. The only thing that prevents most people from acting on their absurd beliefs is the fear that other people will treat them like frickin’ morons. Mockery is an important social tool for squelching stupidity. At least that’s what I tell people after I mock them. Or to put it another way, I’ve never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I’ve seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked. - 1793
I keep hearing pundits whining about the growing gap between the rich and the poor. I have difficulty empathizing with that viewpoint for two reasons: (1) Poor people can vote, and (2) There are more poor people than rich people. - 1806
My fiancée, Shelly, and I are in the process of picking “favors” for our wedding. Allow me to explain the term favors to those of you who are foreigners, hillbillies, ignoramuses, or me one week ago. - 1877
“Favor” is one of those great ironic names. To my way of thinking, you’re not doing a guy a favor by giving him something he doesn’t want and can’t throw away. That’s more like a penalty. In fact, I could imagine exactly this sort of penalty for minor crimes. JUDGE: You urinated in public. Your sentence is that you must keep this functionless knickknack somewhere in your home for the rest of your life. URINATOR: Noooooo!!!! - 1881
No one wants to buy a winning lottery ticket for someone else. You’d bang your head on the wall for the rest of your life, yelling, “Why oh why didn’t I keep that one??? Whaaawhaaaawhaaaa!!!” That’s bad for the wall. My brother solved that problem by buying for himself two additional lottery tickets with the same numbers as the one he got for me. He explained that in case my ticket won, he wanted to be twice as rich. It’s the thought that counts. - 2058
Here’s the quandary, as I see it. There are three qualities I want to have: (1) success, (2) honesty, (3) humility. At most, logically, I can only have two of the three. - 2123
I owe my current understanding of this phenomenon to my ex-friend Amy who taught me that no one likes an honest successful person. She taught me this lesson by not liking me after success “changed me.” And by changed I mean I acted exactly the same as I always did, but that honesty seemed grotesque when things started going my way. - 2134
I believe that willpower is an illusion. Overweight people simply get more enjoyment from food than thin people do, at least relative to their other pleasure options. If I liked food more than I like playing tennis, I’d be the size of a house. Willpower never enters into it. You can see my theory play out with kids. Kids have no willpower, yet many of them are skinny. The skinny ones get so little pleasure from noncandy food that they prefer starving and playing with a friend to eating. - 2344
I’m sitting at the Oakland airport. The airline claims my flight will be delayed one hour, but I know that’s only the opening bid. - 2364
I’m suspicious of round numbers. If they said the flight was going to be forty-seven minutes late, I’d think they had a good handle on things. But one hour is the same as saying, “Honestly, we don’t even know how those big metal things stay in the air.” - 2366
happy are the guys who sell illegal steroids? You can’t buy that kind of advertisement. And it sure makes it harder for the just-say-no people. “Kids, don’t do steroids. If you do, you might become the fastest man in the world and have so much poontang and money that…I forget my point.” - 2665
I read in the news that the Chinese police are cracking down on the practice of hiring strippers for funerals. Seriously. Strippers for funerals. Villagers believe that the more people who attend the funeral, the more honored the dead person is. And naked women bring in the crowds. - 2694
I didn’t see in the news report why the Chinese police were suddenly cracking down on the strippers at funerals, but I have a theory. I think I speak for all men when I say that at the age of fourteen, I would have been willing to kill a cousin to look at a stripper. And remember that those small villages in China don’t have cable TV and high speed Internet. You pretty much have to choke someone to death just to generate any entertainment that doesn’t involve dragon costumes and tambourines. - 2705
By now the little pillow I keep between my knees has fallen on the floor and I can’t decide if it’s worth picking it up. Has it become mandatory or is it just nice? Can I sleep with my knees touching? There’s no such thing as an easy question when you’re tired. - 2763
As a writer, I’m always searching for those thoughts that everyone has but no one has yet expressed. It’s dangerous territory because there’s always a good chance that you’re the only freak in the world with that thought or that problem. - 2852
Every time I reach for something in my car that’s hard to get, I hurt myself. Sometimes I use a tool, such as a box of tissues, to paw at the distant object, as if that will help. When it comes to grabbing power, a smooth, square box is low on the list, but you have to work with what you have. So I end up bludgeoning the object of my desire with the cardboard - 2864
a one-way ticket to California. I never saw another snowflake, at least not up close. My thinking is that the good reasons for dying do not include “went outside,” as in “Where’s Scott?” “Oh, he went outside without a coat and died.” - 2928
Cold is just a fancy marketing word for a particularly unpleasant form of pain. We should just call it what it is: pain. What’s the temperature in Chicago? Painful. - 2932
Yesterday, for the sixth time in the past year, a refrigerator repairman tried, and failed, to fix my ice dispenser. Four different repair guys from the company that manufactured the fridge have had a go at it. They diagnose the problem. They order parts. They install the parts. The ice dispenser does not dispense ice. I’m thinking of changing its name from “ice dispenser” to “the thing that gives me false hope of ice.” - 3042
I think the worst super power you could have would be X-ray vision. Take a look around you right now and ask yourself how many people would look better without clothes. Not many. And if you could see inside them, that would be even uglier, but not in every case. You’ve heard the saying “She’s beautiful on the inside.” I think what that means is that her appendix is more attractive than her face. The best part about X-ray vision is that you would no longer have to ask pregnant women if they know the genders of their babies. You could just look right into the womb with your X-ray eyes and, in all likelihood, mutate the baby’s genetic code. Good times. - 3108
Every time there’s a military conflict, someone points out that many of the victims were not adult men. The theory is that a tragedy is way more tragic if anyone other than adult men get killed. If you throw a woman or a minor or a puppy into the mix then we all have a reason to be sadder and madder. - 3154
I think the main reason there are so many wars is that most of the soldiers are adult males. If all wars had to be fought exclusively by second graders or contestants from the Special Olympics, no one would ever start a war because the results would be too tragic. - 3163
The most disturbing part of this “husband did it” phenomenon is that there’s always a motive. I’m still in the newlywed phase, but it’s disconcerting to know that it’s only a matter of time before every casual onlooker assumes that if one of us disappears, the other one had a perfectly good reason to commit murder. It’s not much of an endorsement of marriage. - 3275
Now don’t get me wrong—there’s a 100 percent chance that the voting machines will get hacked and all future elections will be rigged. But that doesn’t mean we’ll get a worse government. It probably means that the choice of the next American president will be taken out of the hands of deep-pocket, autofellating, corporate shitbags and put into the hands of some teenager in Finland. How is that not an improvement? - 3390
The important thing with democracy, and this has always been the case, is that the citizens (a) believe the election result is based on the common sense and voting rights of the citizens, and (b) have enough handguns to wax any politicians who get too seriously out of line (also known as a “check and balance”). - 3397
I remember one day in sixth grade, our teacher asked us to go to the blackboard, one at a time, and write down something we would be willing to die for. The first few kids wrote down answers such as “cancer” and “hit by car.” Our teacher informed us that this was not what he was looking for. - 3420
Those of you who travel a lot know that if you ask a driver about his life, you never get a story that sounds like this: “Well, I was a drifter and a hobo for a while, but then I got this job driving you around. It’s the highlight of my life.” Instead you usually get something more like this: “After I won the Nobel Prize I became a dissident in my country and had to flee. - 3453
I love the feeling of doing something right, no matter how inconsequential, such as guessing the exact right time it will take to warm a yam in the microwave. It makes me feel in control of my life. - 3611
Comedian Larry Miller once described America’s war strategy in Iraq as “Driving around until people shoot at us.” - 3660
Last night we were having some quality time alone at home and I made the mistake of writing myself a note while Shelly was still talking. She asked me what the note was about. I proudly told her it was about Vladimir Putin, and how two of his critics were recently poisoned. I said I thought it would make a great topic to write about. I was quite pleased with myself, until Shelly asked, “Is that what you were thinking about while I was talking?” - 3845
parents let children ride bicycles. But parents do not ever allow children to hear vulgar words if they can help it. Therefore, we can deduce that cursing is more dangerous than maybe being hit by a car. - 3986
Why aren’t more humans tapping more chimps? Your first thought might be that chimps are not human. But neither are inflatable women and other sex toys. If you think a drunken guy in his twenties would be dissuaded by the fact that his sex partner isn’t a human being, you might be a woman. - 4505
Humor explains why God would bother creating people. He needs us for the laughs. Everyone knows you can’t tickle yourself. Maybe God can’t either, at least not directly. - 4657
Hypothetically, in the future, if a sex doll robot was indistinguishable from a human woman, and you weren’t in a relationship with a human, would you tap the robot? I asked that question in my blog and about 95 percent of the hetero guys said they would. The other 5 percent expressed a strong preference for lying. - 4709
“Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work like people are watching.”—Dogbert - 4827
Maybe it’s the way I was raised, but I find that I get mad about all the wrong things. For example, when I hear a news report about some serial killer who buried forty-three victims in an underground bunker that he constructed beneath his shed, my first reaction is Wow, he built an underground bunker under a shed! I find myself admiring his industriousness and passion in the pursuit of his dreams. That’s clearly wrong. - 446
A potato-shaped woman with unfashionable glasses herded me into the “severe search” line. Someone told me to stand in a high-tech phone booth sort-o-thing that blew air on me, analyzed it, and informed the technician whether I had been in contact with explosives lately. I passed the test, but I spent the whole time wondering how I could get some. - 490
Did you see the story about the convicted murderer who escaped prison by using a fake ID and a set of civilian clothes? The guards just opened the door and let him out. The authorities described the escapee as narcissistic. That’s the fancy way of saying he thinks he’s better than other people. I have to admit, if I made a fake ID using nothing but a pack of Marlboros and a spoon, and made a set of civilian clothes out of pillowcases, then walked out of jail, I’d be feeling pretty good about myself, too. - 557
Narcissistic Murderer Update Police caught the escaped narcissistic murderer. Apparently they found him standing outside a liquor store, drunk, making no effort to hide his identity. This has caused some observers to conclude that he wasn’t so smart after all. But you aren’t thinking like a narcissistic criminal mastermind. My theory is that he left something in his cell, say a pair of good sunglasses or a pack of cigarettes, and he wanted to go back and get them. He knows he can escape anytime he wants. But this time, just for the extra challenge, he wants to do it while drunk. On some level, I admire his attitude. - 570
One of the most common questions I get is “Do you ever get writer’s block?” The thing I love about that question is that it reveals a wonderful optimism in the person who is asking. I suspect that the people who ask this question believe they possess deep wells of creativity and talent that are inexplicably blocked. All they need is the secret unblocking spell from a cartoonist and then a geyser of bestselling books will spray forth. - 578
I don’t want to say that I prefer the technology to my natural body parts, but it’s worth noting that only my liver complains if I drink too much. - 654
Today I am whacked out on pain killers because yesterday I had surgery to correct my deviated septum. I didn’t ask a lot of questions about the procedure, but I can deduce most of the details based on the way I feel today. - 665
Today my wallet was stolen for the four hundredth time, and frankly I’m sick of it. I don’t know what bothers me more—the crime or the fact that the thief always sneaks back into my home an hour later and puts the wallet back in a hard-to-find place such as the top of my dresser. There’s never anything missing from the wallet, so I know the thief isn’t especially good at his job. It might be the same idiot who keeps stealing my car every time I park it at the airport. - 758
You’ve probably noticed that opinion pollsters go out of their way to include as many morons as possible in surveys. That’s called a representative sample. And what it means is that the opinion of Einstein, for example, counts as much as the opinion of the guy who thinks The Family Circus comic is sending him secret messages via Little Billy. I think it’s dangerous to inform morons about what their fellow morons are thinking. It only reinforces their opinions. And the one thing worse than a moron with an opinion is lots of them. - 777
I knew that my fiancée’s job of shopping for me wouldn’t be so easy. I have the deadly combination of not caring much about material possessions plus a high disposable income. - 824
Unfortunately, gifts are too easy to buy these days. Nothing takes long enough to showcase my diligent thought and hard work. My fallback plan is to create a spreadsheet where I can log the time I spend “thinking about” her gift. I’ll have a column for comments, in case she audits it later. The comments will be things such as “Thought about how much she likes eating crab. Didn’t think of any good crab-related gifts.” Here again, as is often the case with me, I am penalized for being a fast thinker. I’ll have to have a footnote that says I round everything up to the nearest fifteen-minute increment. - 835
Adopting a baby seems like a lot of work, especially when you consider the “flying to another country” part. I want to be nice, but in a way that involves fewer flies. - 981
If you have ever had a severe back sprain, you can answer the following with no problem. Which activity is most likely to result in the worst back pain of your life? Skiing to outrace an avalanche Lifting a car to save a baby Kickboxing competition Bending over to pick up a piece of Pringles you spit out while laughing at your own joke The last thing your back wants is for you to have an excellent story to mitigate some of your discomfort. - 1102
This morning at about dawn, I was sipping some green tea and looking for more whales from the comfort of my condo. Suddenly I spotted a whale down on the beach. It appeared to be dead. This excited me because I’ve always wanted to see a dead whale up close. I couldn’t wait to finish my tea, grab my flip-flops, and take a better look. But in time, the light of day informed me that it was only a large rock. The bottom line is that I spent a good thirty minutes being entertained by a rock impersonating a dead whale. - 1282
The biggest relationship mistake you can make is to assume that because you have some special training or knowledge on a topic, that your opinion should be extra important. - 1288
Instead, I offer you the only solution: the WCM Method. WCM stands for Who Cares Most. If you want your relationship to have a chance, defer all decisions and interpretations of fact to the person who cares the most. In practice, this will mean that women will make 98 percent of all the decisions and be “right” 98 percent of the time. - 1294
It makes me wish I were one of those people who can’t read faces—I think they’re called engineers. - 1355
The public announcement system just told me to report any people who “look suspicious.” This is a big category. I need clearer guidance. I just saw an incredibly hot woman traveling with an ugly guy. That looks suspicious. And a maintenance guy just walked by wearing one glove. What’s he up to? Am I to believe it’s only cold on one side? - 1464
I feel some inner need to keep the budget under control without appearing cheap. My current strategy is to frame all wedding decisions in terms of how many African villagers could be saved from starvation with the equivalent amount of money. For example: FIANCÉE: Do you think we should have a big cake or a little one? SCOTT: Well, the difference in price seems to be…about twelve Rwandans. It’s up to you, honey. - 1479
Now all I had to do was convince my doctor(s) that I wasn’t nuts and that I had a very rare condition. As you might imagine, when you tell a doctor that you think you have a very rare condition, that doctor will tell you that it’s very unlikely. Your first impulse might be to point out that “very rare” is a lot like “very unlikely,” but you don’t do that, because doctors have wide latitude in deciding which of your orifices they will use for various medical apparati. - 1512
I keep hearing the argument that some things are constitutional while other things are not. The idea is that we should be in favor of all the things that were decided over two hundred years ago by a bunch of slave-owning cross-dressers who pooped in holes. - 1549
People assumed that because I want to label the majority opinion “right” and the minority opinion “wrong” that I would also favor mob rule. No way. I still favor the traditional system where rich people run the country and convince the morons who live here that the voters are really the ones in charge. It’s not a perfect system, but no one has come up with a better one. And it’s fair in the sense that anyone could become rich and abuse the poor. - 1564
For those of you who have never taken a dance class, it goes something like this. First, the instructor demonstrates some footwork a bit too fast for you to have any frickin’ idea what he did. Then he repeats the demonstration several times, each time differently as far as you can tell. - 1714
also wonder if showing respect for all beliefs is causing more problems than it is avoiding. The only thing that prevents most people from acting on their absurd beliefs is the fear that other people will treat them like frickin’ morons. Mockery is an important social tool for squelching stupidity. At least that’s what I tell people after I mock them. Or to put it another way, I’ve never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I’ve seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked. - 1793
I keep hearing pundits whining about the growing gap between the rich and the poor. I have difficulty empathizing with that viewpoint for two reasons: (1) Poor people can vote, and (2) There are more poor people than rich people. - 1806
My fiancée, Shelly, and I are in the process of picking “favors” for our wedding. Allow me to explain the term favors to those of you who are foreigners, hillbillies, ignoramuses, or me one week ago. - 1877
“Favor” is one of those great ironic names. To my way of thinking, you’re not doing a guy a favor by giving him something he doesn’t want and can’t throw away. That’s more like a penalty. In fact, I could imagine exactly this sort of penalty for minor crimes. JUDGE: You urinated in public. Your sentence is that you must keep this functionless knickknack somewhere in your home for the rest of your life. URINATOR: Noooooo!!!! - 1881
No one wants to buy a winning lottery ticket for someone else. You’d bang your head on the wall for the rest of your life, yelling, “Why oh why didn’t I keep that one??? Whaaawhaaaawhaaaa!!!” That’s bad for the wall. My brother solved that problem by buying for himself two additional lottery tickets with the same numbers as the one he got for me. He explained that in case my ticket won, he wanted to be twice as rich. It’s the thought that counts. - 2058
Here’s the quandary, as I see it. There are three qualities I want to have: (1) success, (2) honesty, (3) humility. At most, logically, I can only have two of the three. - 2123
I owe my current understanding of this phenomenon to my ex-friend Amy who taught me that no one likes an honest successful person. She taught me this lesson by not liking me after success “changed me.” And by changed I mean I acted exactly the same as I always did, but that honesty seemed grotesque when things started going my way. - 2134
I believe that willpower is an illusion. Overweight people simply get more enjoyment from food than thin people do, at least relative to their other pleasure options. If I liked food more than I like playing tennis, I’d be the size of a house. Willpower never enters into it. You can see my theory play out with kids. Kids have no willpower, yet many of them are skinny. The skinny ones get so little pleasure from noncandy food that they prefer starving and playing with a friend to eating. - 2344
I’m sitting at the Oakland airport. The airline claims my flight will be delayed one hour, but I know that’s only the opening bid. - 2364
I’m suspicious of round numbers. If they said the flight was going to be forty-seven minutes late, I’d think they had a good handle on things. But one hour is the same as saying, “Honestly, we don’t even know how those big metal things stay in the air.” - 2366
happy are the guys who sell illegal steroids? You can’t buy that kind of advertisement. And it sure makes it harder for the just-say-no people. “Kids, don’t do steroids. If you do, you might become the fastest man in the world and have so much poontang and money that…I forget my point.” - 2665
I read in the news that the Chinese police are cracking down on the practice of hiring strippers for funerals. Seriously. Strippers for funerals. Villagers believe that the more people who attend the funeral, the more honored the dead person is. And naked women bring in the crowds. - 2694
I didn’t see in the news report why the Chinese police were suddenly cracking down on the strippers at funerals, but I have a theory. I think I speak for all men when I say that at the age of fourteen, I would have been willing to kill a cousin to look at a stripper. And remember that those small villages in China don’t have cable TV and high speed Internet. You pretty much have to choke someone to death just to generate any entertainment that doesn’t involve dragon costumes and tambourines. - 2705
By now the little pillow I keep between my knees has fallen on the floor and I can’t decide if it’s worth picking it up. Has it become mandatory or is it just nice? Can I sleep with my knees touching? There’s no such thing as an easy question when you’re tired. - 2763
As a writer, I’m always searching for those thoughts that everyone has but no one has yet expressed. It’s dangerous territory because there’s always a good chance that you’re the only freak in the world with that thought or that problem. - 2852
Every time I reach for something in my car that’s hard to get, I hurt myself. Sometimes I use a tool, such as a box of tissues, to paw at the distant object, as if that will help. When it comes to grabbing power, a smooth, square box is low on the list, but you have to work with what you have. So I end up bludgeoning the object of my desire with the cardboard - 2864
a one-way ticket to California. I never saw another snowflake, at least not up close. My thinking is that the good reasons for dying do not include “went outside,” as in “Where’s Scott?” “Oh, he went outside without a coat and died.” - 2928
Cold is just a fancy marketing word for a particularly unpleasant form of pain. We should just call it what it is: pain. What’s the temperature in Chicago? Painful. - 2932
Yesterday, for the sixth time in the past year, a refrigerator repairman tried, and failed, to fix my ice dispenser. Four different repair guys from the company that manufactured the fridge have had a go at it. They diagnose the problem. They order parts. They install the parts. The ice dispenser does not dispense ice. I’m thinking of changing its name from “ice dispenser” to “the thing that gives me false hope of ice.” - 3042
I think the worst super power you could have would be X-ray vision. Take a look around you right now and ask yourself how many people would look better without clothes. Not many. And if you could see inside them, that would be even uglier, but not in every case. You’ve heard the saying “She’s beautiful on the inside.” I think what that means is that her appendix is more attractive than her face. The best part about X-ray vision is that you would no longer have to ask pregnant women if they know the genders of their babies. You could just look right into the womb with your X-ray eyes and, in all likelihood, mutate the baby’s genetic code. Good times. - 3108
Every time there’s a military conflict, someone points out that many of the victims were not adult men. The theory is that a tragedy is way more tragic if anyone other than adult men get killed. If you throw a woman or a minor or a puppy into the mix then we all have a reason to be sadder and madder. - 3154
I think the main reason there are so many wars is that most of the soldiers are adult males. If all wars had to be fought exclusively by second graders or contestants from the Special Olympics, no one would ever start a war because the results would be too tragic. - 3163
The most disturbing part of this “husband did it” phenomenon is that there’s always a motive. I’m still in the newlywed phase, but it’s disconcerting to know that it’s only a matter of time before every casual onlooker assumes that if one of us disappears, the other one had a perfectly good reason to commit murder. It’s not much of an endorsement of marriage. - 3275
Now don’t get me wrong—there’s a 100 percent chance that the voting machines will get hacked and all future elections will be rigged. But that doesn’t mean we’ll get a worse government. It probably means that the choice of the next American president will be taken out of the hands of deep-pocket, autofellating, corporate shitbags and put into the hands of some teenager in Finland. How is that not an improvement? - 3390
The important thing with democracy, and this has always been the case, is that the citizens (a) believe the election result is based on the common sense and voting rights of the citizens, and (b) have enough handguns to wax any politicians who get too seriously out of line (also known as a “check and balance”). - 3397
I remember one day in sixth grade, our teacher asked us to go to the blackboard, one at a time, and write down something we would be willing to die for. The first few kids wrote down answers such as “cancer” and “hit by car.” Our teacher informed us that this was not what he was looking for. - 3420
Those of you who travel a lot know that if you ask a driver about his life, you never get a story that sounds like this: “Well, I was a drifter and a hobo for a while, but then I got this job driving you around. It’s the highlight of my life.” Instead you usually get something more like this: “After I won the Nobel Prize I became a dissident in my country and had to flee. - 3453
I love the feeling of doing something right, no matter how inconsequential, such as guessing the exact right time it will take to warm a yam in the microwave. It makes me feel in control of my life. - 3611
Comedian Larry Miller once described America’s war strategy in Iraq as “Driving around until people shoot at us.” - 3660
Last night we were having some quality time alone at home and I made the mistake of writing myself a note while Shelly was still talking. She asked me what the note was about. I proudly told her it was about Vladimir Putin, and how two of his critics were recently poisoned. I said I thought it would make a great topic to write about. I was quite pleased with myself, until Shelly asked, “Is that what you were thinking about while I was talking?” - 3845
parents let children ride bicycles. But parents do not ever allow children to hear vulgar words if they can help it. Therefore, we can deduce that cursing is more dangerous than maybe being hit by a car. - 3986
Why aren’t more humans tapping more chimps? Your first thought might be that chimps are not human. But neither are inflatable women and other sex toys. If you think a drunken guy in his twenties would be dissuaded by the fact that his sex partner isn’t a human being, you might be a woman. - 4505
Humor explains why God would bother creating people. He needs us for the laughs. Everyone knows you can’t tickle yourself. Maybe God can’t either, at least not directly. - 4657
Hypothetically, in the future, if a sex doll robot was indistinguishable from a human woman, and you weren’t in a relationship with a human, would you tap the robot? I asked that question in my blog and about 95 percent of the hetero guys said they would. The other 5 percent expressed a strong preference for lying. - 4709
“Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work like people are watching.”—Dogbert - 4827
December 10, 2009
I recently finished the new book by Scott Adams, creator of the Dilbert cartoon series and short-lived TV show. I believe the book is just a compilation of Adams’ blog as it is largely constituted by dozens of very short essays without any consistency of topic.
The essays are, generally, as funny as the title of the book suggests and mirror none of the day-to-day irony and insight of the cartoon series. Apparently, what Adams Adams’ finds entertaining in ink is leagues funnier than what he considers interesting in print. For example, he believes the juxtaposition of the salutation “Hi, Jean” and the word “hygiene” hilarious. He spends some time describing stains he found in a cheap motel he once stayed in (they were symmetrical – isn’t that fascinating). There is also a short vignette full covering (and them some) the use of the silent “H” as in doughnut.
However, when writing about producing the Dilbert cartoon, things pick up considerably. In one section he lists his experiments in trying to publish cartoons that feature butts. Showing Wally’s plumber’s crack was rejected yet a profile view of a naked rear-end was accepted. A marketing consultant with an ass instead of a head was only allowed if he had underwear as a hat. In another section he recounts accusations of African-American racial stereotyping upon the introduction of the Asok character despite Asok being Indian. He also recounts a phone call from a belligerent individual accusing him of plagiarism to which he diplomatically applies: “why would I steal crap?”
Adams’ random thoughts never rise toward memorable; however, the insights he allows into his life are interesting. After a bout with allergies that produced laryngitis, his normal speaking voice failed to return, yet he could still give speeches to large crowds. A procession of specialists yielded a plethora of treatments but no relief. Dejected, he typed his symptoms into an internet search which revealed that he had an exceedingly rare condition known as spasmodic dysphonia treatable by botox injections into his larynx. After two years of treatment he discovered he could speak in rhyming verse and later was able to reclaim his voice by using the same synaptic networks that allowed for the rhyming in normal speech. I would have thought he was just nuts had I not previously read Oliver Sacks’ “Musicophilia” which covers this and related conditions in detail.
Adams breaks the last biographical taboo left and talks about being very, very wealthy. He claims to have turned down $100,000 for a single, hour-long speech because of prior commitments but that he is routinely paid sums nearing this for his frequent corporate speeches. The two restaurants he bought are discussed frequently and he laments the difficultly in responding to people who ask what he would like for his birthday because if he wanted something, he would just buy it.
Also interesting is Adams recurring false modesty. He describes himself as dumb and then details his graduation at the top of his classes. He talks about being unable to draw and then notes how many papers Dilbert runs in. He laughs about is shallowness and then writes essays about the nature of being. In this way, he is like Jennifer “Jenny from the Block” Lopez who talks simultaneous about being down-to-earth and yet having the funds to buy swaths of it.
The essays are, generally, as funny as the title of the book suggests and mirror none of the day-to-day irony and insight of the cartoon series. Apparently, what Adams Adams’ finds entertaining in ink is leagues funnier than what he considers interesting in print. For example, he believes the juxtaposition of the salutation “Hi, Jean” and the word “hygiene” hilarious. He spends some time describing stains he found in a cheap motel he once stayed in (they were symmetrical – isn’t that fascinating). There is also a short vignette full covering (and them some) the use of the silent “H” as in doughnut.
However, when writing about producing the Dilbert cartoon, things pick up considerably. In one section he lists his experiments in trying to publish cartoons that feature butts. Showing Wally’s plumber’s crack was rejected yet a profile view of a naked rear-end was accepted. A marketing consultant with an ass instead of a head was only allowed if he had underwear as a hat. In another section he recounts accusations of African-American racial stereotyping upon the introduction of the Asok character despite Asok being Indian. He also recounts a phone call from a belligerent individual accusing him of plagiarism to which he diplomatically applies: “why would I steal crap?”
Adams’ random thoughts never rise toward memorable; however, the insights he allows into his life are interesting. After a bout with allergies that produced laryngitis, his normal speaking voice failed to return, yet he could still give speeches to large crowds. A procession of specialists yielded a plethora of treatments but no relief. Dejected, he typed his symptoms into an internet search which revealed that he had an exceedingly rare condition known as spasmodic dysphonia treatable by botox injections into his larynx. After two years of treatment he discovered he could speak in rhyming verse and later was able to reclaim his voice by using the same synaptic networks that allowed for the rhyming in normal speech. I would have thought he was just nuts had I not previously read Oliver Sacks’ “Musicophilia” which covers this and related conditions in detail.
Adams breaks the last biographical taboo left and talks about being very, very wealthy. He claims to have turned down $100,000 for a single, hour-long speech because of prior commitments but that he is routinely paid sums nearing this for his frequent corporate speeches. The two restaurants he bought are discussed frequently and he laments the difficultly in responding to people who ask what he would like for his birthday because if he wanted something, he would just buy it.
Also interesting is Adams recurring false modesty. He describes himself as dumb and then details his graduation at the top of his classes. He talks about being unable to draw and then notes how many papers Dilbert runs in. He laughs about is shallowness and then writes essays about the nature of being. In this way, he is like Jennifer “Jenny from the Block” Lopez who talks simultaneous about being down-to-earth and yet having the funds to buy swaths of it.
January 26, 2015
I freely admit that though I can see the humour in the Dilbert strip, I only laugh at 5-10% of them. But when I do laugh, I laugh hard - and that's worth something to me. It was in this spirit that I read this book; I knew that I likely wouldn't love every essay, but I'd read a couple of Adams' blogs and found them amusing and (usually) insightful. I had hoped the same for his book.
So...I made it past page 100 (my normal limit before I decide whether to put a book down without finishing it): I made it to 200 (roughly halfway). At that point, I gave up. I got tired of the author congratulating himself on all of his success, talking about his mountains of disposable income, bragging about all of his speaking engagements. Oh, he apologized for this, saying that he was sure that some would take it the wrong way, but how can he possibly be expected to ignore this major part of his life experience? He's blaming the reader for our thoughts, so that he can try to make us feel badly for our opinions. Feels like a teenager using a little bit of psych 101 on their parents, and thinking that they've outsmarted us again! So, Scott Adams, full marks for getting me to pick up your book. But I'm on to you. You're not as funny, pithy, or interesting as I thought you'd be, and I take comfort in the fact that you (as you say) get so much mail, so much commentary on your books and strips, so many opinions - that you won't care about this, and would dismiss it right away if you were to deign to read it.
But, on the off chance that this gets to you...don't condescend to your readers. Don't assume that everybody else's life is boring and empty. And never bite the hand that feeds. You can't always be the smartest in the room. And even if you are, it's best not to point it out.
So...I made it past page 100 (my normal limit before I decide whether to put a book down without finishing it): I made it to 200 (roughly halfway). At that point, I gave up. I got tired of the author congratulating himself on all of his success, talking about his mountains of disposable income, bragging about all of his speaking engagements. Oh, he apologized for this, saying that he was sure that some would take it the wrong way, but how can he possibly be expected to ignore this major part of his life experience? He's blaming the reader for our thoughts, so that he can try to make us feel badly for our opinions. Feels like a teenager using a little bit of psych 101 on their parents, and thinking that they've outsmarted us again! So, Scott Adams, full marks for getting me to pick up your book. But I'm on to you. You're not as funny, pithy, or interesting as I thought you'd be, and I take comfort in the fact that you (as you say) get so much mail, so much commentary on your books and strips, so many opinions - that you won't care about this, and would dismiss it right away if you were to deign to read it.
But, on the off chance that this gets to you...don't condescend to your readers. Don't assume that everybody else's life is boring and empty. And never bite the hand that feeds. You can't always be the smartest in the room. And even if you are, it's best not to point it out.
September 6, 2016
Scott Adams is the cartoonist who creates Dilbert. This is a book of over 150 pieces, I think from his Blog. Reviews on the back cover compare him to Dave Barry and say he is almost as funny. I have read Dave Barry and he's OK, but I've never found him laugh out loud funny, which I did with Adams' book, many times in the 150+ pieces, on everything from lunar real estate to serial killers, not to mention politics, religion, dating, underwear, alien life, and the menace of car singing. The chapter on "My History Learning" is very funny, talking about Jesus turds. And his take on the presidential election is perfect, if depressing: "We're judging how a candidate will handle a nuclear crisis by how well his staff creates campaign ads. It's a completely nonsensical process."
March 9, 2010
I am not a huge Scott Adams fan, but I have glanced at the Dilbert comics now and again, and even chuckled at a friends set of the animated series on DVD, so I figured I would give this book a shot.
I was pleasantly surprised to find it witty, engaging, and as well thought out as something so COMPLETELY random could possibly claim to be. I may not rush out and find everything ever put to paper by the author, but I have to say this was good stuff
I was pleasantly surprised to find it witty, engaging, and as well thought out as something so COMPLETELY random could possibly claim to be. I may not rush out and find everything ever put to paper by the author, but I have to say this was good stuff
May 28, 2009
An entertaining collection of blog posts from The Dilbert Blog. Scott has a very sharp sense of humour and a way with words, and the sheer variety of topics he discusses is pretty impressive. I also like his ability to sniff out a good news story and provide an interesting take on it. If you are a Dilbert fan this book is worth checking out.
January 2, 2009
A collection of the Dilbert creator's blog. Quite simply, if you like the blog, you'll like the book. I was enjoying it until about 40 pages from the end, where I ran into blog posts I'd already read - weird to have deja vu at the end of a book.
July 14, 2008
It's no Dilbert, but still good fun. Perfect for reading on a beach :)
August 29, 2016
Typical Scott Adams
A real out-of-box thinker.
A real out-of-box thinker.
April 20, 2023
RICK “SHAQ” GOLDSTEIN SAYS: “A COLLECTION OF 1-1 ½ PAGE “ONE-LINERS” BY THE CREATOR OF “DILBERT”!
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I am one of the millions of fans of Scott Adams comic strip Dilbert. But unlike many of those fans, I have never read his blog, nor viewed any of his other books. So the complaints from other fans who’ve reviewed this book, regarding that portions of this book were previously displayed for free on his blog, have no negative effect on my review. I started reading this book with absolutely no bias or pre-conceived notions. What I found during this “reading” adventure, is a witty author, who really seems to have his deeper views shackled by his mass media comic strip editors. There seems to be so much angst and torment begging to get out from inside Scott’s “true-self”, that I feel getting to know the “real” man behind Dilbert, is like peeking behind the curtain in “The Wizard Of Oz.”
Scott, is a very intelligent writer who can take you full circle, all the way around an argument or point he’s trying to make, and in one circular trip, agree with you, disagree with you, congratulate you, and lambast you, and you sometimes feel that you’ve never left the place you started in.
The author makes it painstakingly clear, that he doesn’t believe in G-d or miracles, and he just as strongly feels there is not a politician or voter that should be trusted with the position or the vote. He does feel that rigging voting machines would probably benefit us more in the long run than an honest election. Though I admit to not doing an actual count, I believe it is safe to say that one of Scott’s ten favorite words is “TURD”.
Scott also seems to enjoy asking questions. A few of which are: “Who is holier-Mother Teresa or Bill Gates?” - “If Santa Claus fought Jesus, who would win?” - “I have a nickname for your nose. Do you want to hear it?” - “Is that the way you usually walk?” - “I once got an email from a guy named Richard Head. I wonder what his friends call him?” - “If you had to design a dating website that matched people on just two criteria, what would those criteria be?” – “What two criteria would match people better than sense of humor and ass size?” – “Congressman Jefferson, why did you put the money in food containers and store it in your freezer?” – “How can you tell the difference between a reincarnated monkey god and an ordinary tree-climbing, banana-eating guy with a disease-healing tail?” – “Did you ever wonder what it’s like to be a cat and have a giant human hand petting you?” – “Would the Middle East be less like ignorant, psycho d*ckheads, if America were less arrogant, warmongering, and hypocritical?” – “How many cartoonists does it take to change a light bulb?” – “Would you sell your DNA for $100 million if you knew your clone would become a sex slave to a billionaire?” – “Why aren’t more humans tapping more chimps?” – “Hypothetically, in the future, if a sex doll robot was indistinguishable from a human woman, and you weren’t in a relationship with a human, would you tap the robot?” – “To (Scott) it comes down to one question: Where are all the petrified Jesus turds?”
In summary: This is not your Father’s Dilbert. It’s up to you whether this is the material you’re looking for.
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I am one of the millions of fans of Scott Adams comic strip Dilbert. But unlike many of those fans, I have never read his blog, nor viewed any of his other books. So the complaints from other fans who’ve reviewed this book, regarding that portions of this book were previously displayed for free on his blog, have no negative effect on my review. I started reading this book with absolutely no bias or pre-conceived notions. What I found during this “reading” adventure, is a witty author, who really seems to have his deeper views shackled by his mass media comic strip editors. There seems to be so much angst and torment begging to get out from inside Scott’s “true-self”, that I feel getting to know the “real” man behind Dilbert, is like peeking behind the curtain in “The Wizard Of Oz.”
Scott, is a very intelligent writer who can take you full circle, all the way around an argument or point he’s trying to make, and in one circular trip, agree with you, disagree with you, congratulate you, and lambast you, and you sometimes feel that you’ve never left the place you started in.
The author makes it painstakingly clear, that he doesn’t believe in G-d or miracles, and he just as strongly feels there is not a politician or voter that should be trusted with the position or the vote. He does feel that rigging voting machines would probably benefit us more in the long run than an honest election. Though I admit to not doing an actual count, I believe it is safe to say that one of Scott’s ten favorite words is “TURD”.
Scott also seems to enjoy asking questions. A few of which are: “Who is holier-Mother Teresa or Bill Gates?” - “If Santa Claus fought Jesus, who would win?” - “I have a nickname for your nose. Do you want to hear it?” - “Is that the way you usually walk?” - “I once got an email from a guy named Richard Head. I wonder what his friends call him?” - “If you had to design a dating website that matched people on just two criteria, what would those criteria be?” – “What two criteria would match people better than sense of humor and ass size?” – “Congressman Jefferson, why did you put the money in food containers and store it in your freezer?” – “How can you tell the difference between a reincarnated monkey god and an ordinary tree-climbing, banana-eating guy with a disease-healing tail?” – “Did you ever wonder what it’s like to be a cat and have a giant human hand petting you?” – “Would the Middle East be less like ignorant, psycho d*ckheads, if America were less arrogant, warmongering, and hypocritical?” – “How many cartoonists does it take to change a light bulb?” – “Would you sell your DNA for $100 million if you knew your clone would become a sex slave to a billionaire?” – “Why aren’t more humans tapping more chimps?” – “Hypothetically, in the future, if a sex doll robot was indistinguishable from a human woman, and you weren’t in a relationship with a human, would you tap the robot?” – “To (Scott) it comes down to one question: Where are all the petrified Jesus turds?”
In summary: This is not your Father’s Dilbert. It’s up to you whether this is the material you’re looking for.
March 29, 2020
Scott Adams is best known as the creator of the “Dilbert” comic strip. Never has anyone captured the essence of what a ‘real’ work environment looks and feels like. What makes his comic strips so wonderful is the fact that as crass and hopeless as the situations are that his imaginary characters face, most would argue that they’re scarily spot on when compared to real life. My guess is that the majority of workplace cubicles all over the world have cutouts of their favorite strips that illustrate the idiocy of our drawn out day-to-day obligatory comings and goings that are necessary to obtain a regular paycheck.
In addition to his brilliant comics, Adams has written several ‘workplace’ books that are just as hilarious as his daily comics. These books are a sarcastic antidote to the bazillions of “inspirational touchy-feely” business books out there that so many leaders think that their whole staff should read in order to be more ‘productive’ and or ‘profitable’. Scott Adams’ books are a must for everyone who has worked any amount of significant time in the corporate workspace and knows how the ‘real’ world of work actually works.
Which leads me to this book. Sadly, this book doesn’t compare to the author’s comics nor his madcap reflections of the idiocy of the workplace. This book seems as though it is merely excuse for writing something – anything – to replicate the author’s success in other areas. From what I can tell, this book seems to be some sort of journal, or series of blog entries where the author simply wakes up, picks some random topic that’s on his mind and jots down a page or so of his reflections. To be fair, sometimes Adams can be VERY funny, and there are many anecdotes here that made me laugh out loud. Unfortunately, though, most of what is here is simply mundane and/or irrelevant. Topics like cleaning out a cat’s litterbox, having to reach over in the back seat of your car, and the city of Pittsburgh aren’t really funny nor necessary. I suppose this is true with most artists when it comes to creating. They can’t be funny all the time. I challenge you to read a collection of ANY of your favorite comic strips, and you’ll discover that as much as the comic strip makes you laugh at times, there are probably just as many entries that leave you unmoved at best or confused at worst. Most of these daily reflections simply aren’t very funny.
Another interesting tidbit: after reading other reviews of this book, it seems as though the fragmented entries in this book WERE in fact, at one time, placed on the author’s website for all to read for free. It seems that many of the devoted were highly upset to find these musings pulled so they could be published in a standalone book that people had to, you know, pay money to read. Of course, most of what’s here, I really wouldn’t want to read for free anyway. It simply isn’t worth the time.
So I would skip this one, yet highly recommend the author’s ‘business books’. Specifically: “The Joy of Work” and “The Way of the Weasel”. What’s quite strange is I wonder if the author actually pondered the irony of the title he used for this group of rather uninspired musings.
In addition to his brilliant comics, Adams has written several ‘workplace’ books that are just as hilarious as his daily comics. These books are a sarcastic antidote to the bazillions of “inspirational touchy-feely” business books out there that so many leaders think that their whole staff should read in order to be more ‘productive’ and or ‘profitable’. Scott Adams’ books are a must for everyone who has worked any amount of significant time in the corporate workspace and knows how the ‘real’ world of work actually works.
Which leads me to this book. Sadly, this book doesn’t compare to the author’s comics nor his madcap reflections of the idiocy of the workplace. This book seems as though it is merely excuse for writing something – anything – to replicate the author’s success in other areas. From what I can tell, this book seems to be some sort of journal, or series of blog entries where the author simply wakes up, picks some random topic that’s on his mind and jots down a page or so of his reflections. To be fair, sometimes Adams can be VERY funny, and there are many anecdotes here that made me laugh out loud. Unfortunately, though, most of what is here is simply mundane and/or irrelevant. Topics like cleaning out a cat’s litterbox, having to reach over in the back seat of your car, and the city of Pittsburgh aren’t really funny nor necessary. I suppose this is true with most artists when it comes to creating. They can’t be funny all the time. I challenge you to read a collection of ANY of your favorite comic strips, and you’ll discover that as much as the comic strip makes you laugh at times, there are probably just as many entries that leave you unmoved at best or confused at worst. Most of these daily reflections simply aren’t very funny.
Another interesting tidbit: after reading other reviews of this book, it seems as though the fragmented entries in this book WERE in fact, at one time, placed on the author’s website for all to read for free. It seems that many of the devoted were highly upset to find these musings pulled so they could be published in a standalone book that people had to, you know, pay money to read. Of course, most of what’s here, I really wouldn’t want to read for free anyway. It simply isn’t worth the time.
So I would skip this one, yet highly recommend the author’s ‘business books’. Specifically: “The Joy of Work” and “The Way of the Weasel”. What’s quite strange is I wonder if the author actually pondered the irony of the title he used for this group of rather uninspired musings.
February 28, 2020
In later years, Scott Adams has become a polarizing figure with political views that people like me don't approve of at all. But quality is quality, and so I can still recommend this book of essays, written long before that happened.
The essays used to be blog entries, which sometimes is obvious--like when he discusses events that were recent at the time of writing--and sometimes it's not. Almost all of them are short, humorous observations about the world and the people inhabiting it. Some of them aren't short, others are more serious.
One thing I particularly appreciate is his philosophical opinions. I agree completely with his views about human irrationality. He points out that there's not much reason to believe that free will exists, and that we usually aren't willing to change our opinions about things just because we see evidence that we're wrong.
This book doesn't really have a theme as such. But if you enjoy short little thoughts, anecdotes and reflections, then you'll probably like it.
I do have one complaint. At the end, there's a pages-long list of funny quotes by Adams. A good idea in itself, but many of them are verbatim quotes from this book. That just seems like unnecessary padding. It's as if Shakespeare would quote himself all the time. Apart from that, I can recommend this essay collection unreservedly.
The essays used to be blog entries, which sometimes is obvious--like when he discusses events that were recent at the time of writing--and sometimes it's not. Almost all of them are short, humorous observations about the world and the people inhabiting it. Some of them aren't short, others are more serious.
One thing I particularly appreciate is his philosophical opinions. I agree completely with his views about human irrationality. He points out that there's not much reason to believe that free will exists, and that we usually aren't willing to change our opinions about things just because we see evidence that we're wrong.
This book doesn't really have a theme as such. But if you enjoy short little thoughts, anecdotes and reflections, then you'll probably like it.
I do have one complaint. At the end, there's a pages-long list of funny quotes by Adams. A good idea in itself, but many of them are verbatim quotes from this book. That just seems like unnecessary padding. It's as if Shakespeare would quote himself all the time. Apart from that, I can recommend this essay collection unreservedly.
December 1, 2021
I wouldn't say I'm a fan of Dilbert or of Scott Adams, but I was curious to check this book out to see what a cartoonist like Adams had to say. Maybe he would get me to see things differently and in a comical way.
Well, there are some humorous tidbits, but for the most part, I didn't care too much about this. It felt like a series of ramblings and nonsense. Yeah, this was material from his blog, but it was just him spilling onto the page whatever came to mind. No sense of cohesion or something of lasting value. I thought about giving up halfway, but since it was an audiobook, I just kept it playing while I did other things. By the end, I felt this wasn't that special of a book. It was sort of a "junk food" book.
Some of it was just so nonsensical and too dependent on the news of the day (which is garbage I tend to stay away from for my mental health's sake). And some felt outdated. It kept going to the Middle East and terrorists, stuff that got tiresome real fast.
I'm sure many others will be amused by this, especially Adams or Dilbert fans. But this didn't really work for me. Some interesting moments, but the book as a whole wasn't all that remarkable. There's a million other ways to spend your time which would be more worthwhile than to sit through this.
Well, there are some humorous tidbits, but for the most part, I didn't care too much about this. It felt like a series of ramblings and nonsense. Yeah, this was material from his blog, but it was just him spilling onto the page whatever came to mind. No sense of cohesion or something of lasting value. I thought about giving up halfway, but since it was an audiobook, I just kept it playing while I did other things. By the end, I felt this wasn't that special of a book. It was sort of a "junk food" book.
Some of it was just so nonsensical and too dependent on the news of the day (which is garbage I tend to stay away from for my mental health's sake). And some felt outdated. It kept going to the Middle East and terrorists, stuff that got tiresome real fast.
I'm sure many others will be amused by this, especially Adams or Dilbert fans. But this didn't really work for me. Some interesting moments, but the book as a whole wasn't all that remarkable. There's a million other ways to spend your time which would be more worthwhile than to sit through this.
June 28, 2021
I found this book scattered all over the place. It was like the author sent the blogs he had been writing to the publisher and the publisher blindly printed it into a book. Many a time I found no correlation between following chapters and at the end I found myself in dismay, having spent hours reading it and not following a thing. I have great respect towards Scott Adams as an author but this was genuinely a shoddy job from such an author.
April 19, 2019
Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain! is a collection of hilarious stream-of-consciousness reflections on life by Scott Adams. His style in not unlike Jerry Seinfeld, but I find him even funnier. Although I read this book straight through, I would really recommend taking it a few pages at a time. It's a laugh-out-loud fest...you'll find yourself having to explain your outbursts.
March 10, 2020
Crazy collection of ramblings by the creator of Dilbert.
Some items thought provoking, some disturbing, some lame, some wildly funny. Lots of quotables. Several unpublished Dilbert cartoons along with the reasons they were “edited.”
Some items thought provoking, some disturbing, some lame, some wildly funny. Lots of quotables. Several unpublished Dilbert cartoons along with the reasons they were “edited.”
October 26, 2020
This is a collection of Adam's blog posts, edited and glued together to form one book all about his muses, random midnight thoughts, and various ramblings. Fun to read and surprisingly you find that Adam's can do much more than just write comics.
May 11, 2022
The book is what it promises - a monkey's brain.
It was a good read when I read a bit of it.
It became infuriating when I read more of it.
So, recommendation here, if you pick this book up, try not to read it in one go. It's a good book in tiny doses.
It was a good read when I read a bit of it.
It became infuriating when I read more of it.
So, recommendation here, if you pick this book up, try not to read it in one go. It's a good book in tiny doses.
August 23, 2025
A compilation of blog entries regarding Scott Adams' opinions, plus a few controversial Dilbert comics that had to be edited for the papers. Of course, some of his views can be seen as problematic to various people, but I especially enjoyed the Undergarment Malfunction chapter.
February 4, 2019
Absolutely hilarious.
Read
September 12, 2022While on a ladder working in the family room washing walls that should have been painted.
January 31, 2023
I enjoyed this quite a bit!
May 26, 2023
DNF.
I just couldn't. I wasn't laughing, I couldn't relate, and the arrogance was tedious.
I just couldn't. I wasn't laughing, I couldn't relate, and the arrogance was tedious.
December 26, 2023
Stopped about halfway through. Not because I wasn’t enjoying it. Just got barraged by books from the library all at once.
December 8, 2024
Stopped about halfway through. Not because I wasn’t enjoying it. Just got barraged by books from the library all at once.
December 1, 2023
For anyone who's been completely oblivious to certain aspects of pop-culture these past couple of decades, Scott Adams was the tweaked, odd and very clever mind behind the Dilbert comic strip that has become the epitome of satire on corporate culture. In addition he wrote the best-selling (and quite hilarious!) The Dilbert Principle too.
...of course, since then he has had a muddying of his reputation and standing after he went down certain harder-lined and right-winged rabbit holes... thus making his much enjoyed and beloved work on the Dilbert strips and in books like these very much a moment for people of struggling to seperate the art from the artist. So I post this review as I would have when I knew little to nothing about the author aside from their work and try to let it speak for itself.
I came across this book by sheer chance while visiting a favourite second-hand book shop that often has little treasures that are hard to find or buy anymore. What intrigued me the most was that this is not a business/work/corporate based book in any fashion and in fact is as far removed from that as possible as the author muses on most anything and everything.
Containing a veritable slew of short(ish) essays (blog post style) on a multitude of topics ranging from global politics and conspiracy to the menace of car-singing to blouse monsters (that last one kind of stuck in my brain!) and more, Adams brings a truly unique and refreshing take on things.
What is it that makes him different to others? It's not just that he's talking about many things that others don't between these covers, it's HOW he does it.
Bringing an irreverent twang to almost everything with a hint of shamelessness here and there, each and every essay is a border-line laugh riot in the making, if not a full-blown one! What I enjoyed most I think is that unlike a lot of writers who tend to be more one than the other, Adams has what one would call a hopefully-cynical streak to his writing. This is something that I've been told I possess and I think I relate to someone bringing that to such a diverse range of topics and really making you think about them from a whole other point of view. Too often we look at (or are) cynics and expect only the worst perspective, whereas Adams here demonstrates masterfully what a difference a touch of cynicism can make in an otherwise all too serious life.
I've always been one who believes that one should always be able to laugh, even at the worst of times, and Adams here shows how you can do exactly that while never losing sight of what it is you are concerned about. Some things are just absurd and need to be laughed and moved on from, others need some more thought and have more "real" consequence, but we should be able to laugh at them all the same. Of course his own somewhat neurotic nature can at times seem a little insane, reading him find the lighter side of it and other personal shortcomings adds a more relatable quality to whatever he writes. And being a series of blog posts that he's collected into a book gives us bits from his life that make it more so and a far more enjoyable book (for me anyway) than even The Dilbert Principle.
Life's too short to take it too seriously and I'd advise anyone with a healthy sense of humour and desire to flex and grow those muscles to give this book a read. You may not agree with all his viewpoints (I know there were a few I didn't), but by and large it's a general enough and diverse range of topics that it rarely ever digs too deep.
...of course, since then he has had a muddying of his reputation and standing after he went down certain harder-lined and right-winged rabbit holes... thus making his much enjoyed and beloved work on the Dilbert strips and in books like these very much a moment for people of struggling to seperate the art from the artist. So I post this review as I would have when I knew little to nothing about the author aside from their work and try to let it speak for itself.
I came across this book by sheer chance while visiting a favourite second-hand book shop that often has little treasures that are hard to find or buy anymore. What intrigued me the most was that this is not a business/work/corporate based book in any fashion and in fact is as far removed from that as possible as the author muses on most anything and everything.
Containing a veritable slew of short(ish) essays (blog post style) on a multitude of topics ranging from global politics and conspiracy to the menace of car-singing to blouse monsters (that last one kind of stuck in my brain!) and more, Adams brings a truly unique and refreshing take on things.
What is it that makes him different to others? It's not just that he's talking about many things that others don't between these covers, it's HOW he does it.
Bringing an irreverent twang to almost everything with a hint of shamelessness here and there, each and every essay is a border-line laugh riot in the making, if not a full-blown one! What I enjoyed most I think is that unlike a lot of writers who tend to be more one than the other, Adams has what one would call a hopefully-cynical streak to his writing. This is something that I've been told I possess and I think I relate to someone bringing that to such a diverse range of topics and really making you think about them from a whole other point of view. Too often we look at (or are) cynics and expect only the worst perspective, whereas Adams here demonstrates masterfully what a difference a touch of cynicism can make in an otherwise all too serious life.
I've always been one who believes that one should always be able to laugh, even at the worst of times, and Adams here shows how you can do exactly that while never losing sight of what it is you are concerned about. Some things are just absurd and need to be laughed and moved on from, others need some more thought and have more "real" consequence, but we should be able to laugh at them all the same. Of course his own somewhat neurotic nature can at times seem a little insane, reading him find the lighter side of it and other personal shortcomings adds a more relatable quality to whatever he writes. And being a series of blog posts that he's collected into a book gives us bits from his life that make it more so and a far more enjoyable book (for me anyway) than even The Dilbert Principle.
Life's too short to take it too seriously and I'd advise anyone with a healthy sense of humour and desire to flex and grow those muscles to give this book a read. You may not agree with all his viewpoints (I know there were a few I didn't), but by and large it's a general enough and diverse range of topics that it rarely ever digs too deep.
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