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When to Talk and When to Fight: The Strategic Choice between Dialogue and Resistance
When to Talk and When to Fight is a conversation between talkers and fighters. It introduces a new language to enable negotiators and activists to argue and collaborate across different schools of thought and action. Weaving beautiful storytelling and clear analysis, this book maps the habits of change-makers, explaining why some groups choose dialogue and negotiation while others practice confrontation and resistance. Why do some groups seemingly always take an antagonistic approach, challenging authority and in some cases trying to tear down our systems and institutions? Why are other groups reluctant to raise their voices or take a stand, limiting themselves to conciliatory strategies? And why do some of us ask only the first question, while others ask only the second? Threaded among examples of conflict, struggle, and change in organisations, communities, and society is the compelling personal story that led Subar to her community of practice at Dragonfly, advising leaders in social justice organizations on organizational and advocacy strategy. With lucid charts and graphs by Rosi Greenberg, When to Talk and When to Fight is a brilliant new way of talking about how we change the world. In his foreword, Douglas Stone, coauthor of the international bestseller Difficult Conversations, makes the case that negotiators need this language. In a separate forward, Esteban Kelly, cofounder of AORTA Anti-Oppression Resource and Training Alliance, explains why radicals and progressives need it. If you are a change-maker, you will soon find yourself speaking this language. Be one of the first to learn it. Read this book.
203 pages, Kindle Edition
Published August 24, 2021
23 people are currently reading
374 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
January 19, 2023
What I do think is valuable about this book: It takes concepts that I thought of as intuitive and breaks them down, which can be useful for new organizers. Subar divides approaches to conflict into 3 categories: (A) problem-solving, (B) power-building, and (C) vanquishing; and then discusses how and why we might move between these three approaches, especially when seeking a resolution with an individual or group that holds more power. It's organizing 101, and the focus of the book is on making deals with a boss or obvious opponent/target. There are no examples in the book of applying these approaches to interpersonal relationships *within* movement groups, though there are several stories/case studies of conflicts between organizers and their targets (all of whom had more power). Further, it identifies factors that guide groups in making the choice of whether to talk or fight: (1) power, (2) structural barriers, (3) principle, and (4) bias.
I also liked some of the diagrams and charts in the book, though I had already seen them because they are linked as a resource in the workbook "In It Together: A Framework for Conflict Transformation in Movement-Building Groups," which Subar's company, Dragonfly Partners, worked on with Interrupting Criminalization. If you're interested in those diagrams/charts, you can check out: bit.ly/ConflictFramework39.
What I didn't like about the book: Language choices - Subar refers to groups and individuals that hold less power as "weaker" and "downrank." This really bothered me - having access to fewer resources is not "weakness." Use of the term "terrorists," but also the context within which it is used (to lump the tactics of organizers with the tactics of, for example, the police because there are times when both would take 'unilateral' action, as though organizing is not community and self defense *against* unilateral, oppressive actions). Beyond that, there was a significant bias toward talking over fighting (a bias that Subar acknowledges only in the conclusion), and even fighting, generally, was seen as a way to "get to the table." For example, Subar writes about a group of HIV/AIDS activists, "In continuing to fight, they lose the opportunity to collect their gains." Subar didn't acknowledge that, very often, when compromises are made, those compromises are "gains" for those who are privileged within a marginalized group (e.g. white queers) and throw those at the margins under the bus. For me, this is a key point to note.
I also liked some of the diagrams and charts in the book, though I had already seen them because they are linked as a resource in the workbook "In It Together: A Framework for Conflict Transformation in Movement-Building Groups," which Subar's company, Dragonfly Partners, worked on with Interrupting Criminalization. If you're interested in those diagrams/charts, you can check out: bit.ly/ConflictFramework39.
What I didn't like about the book: Language choices - Subar refers to groups and individuals that hold less power as "weaker" and "downrank." This really bothered me - having access to fewer resources is not "weakness." Use of the term "terrorists," but also the context within which it is used (to lump the tactics of organizers with the tactics of, for example, the police because there are times when both would take 'unilateral' action, as though organizing is not community and self defense *against* unilateral, oppressive actions). Beyond that, there was a significant bias toward talking over fighting (a bias that Subar acknowledges only in the conclusion), and even fighting, generally, was seen as a way to "get to the table." For example, Subar writes about a group of HIV/AIDS activists, "In continuing to fight, they lose the opportunity to collect their gains." Subar didn't acknowledge that, very often, when compromises are made, those compromises are "gains" for those who are privileged within a marginalized group (e.g. white queers) and throw those at the margins under the bus. For me, this is a key point to note.
January 24, 2022
It is such a delight to read books written by members of my extended community. This book was full of meaningful anecdotes, illustrative diagrams, and smart analysis. I particularly appreciate how the book presented multiple models to facilitate informed choice making, such as navigating war, negotiation, bias.
December 8, 2021
I thought this book was great, brilliantly researched, accessible, useful. I read it as part of a negotiation class, but it’s really easy to tie this to real world experiences. Something I’ll go back to.
June 29, 2022
I picked this up thinking I would use a chapter with my first year writing students—and I can confirm it’s perfect for that purpose. The strengths are that it’s very accessible and there a lot of great examples spread throughout. I’m personally thinking about using chapter 3 on “When do we fight?” And chapter 6 on “structural barriers” with my students. My writing class is focused on the topic of bridging differences—with an eye towards the ways in which inequality causes social divisions that need work and healing. I’ve long been looking for the right texts for the role of protest and fighting and I think this book offers that.
I will say, too, that this sat on my shelf for a few months because I was thinking of it as “work” or an “academic” read—but it reads easy and is more enjoyable than those labels often are!
Another notable chapter is 9, in which she analyzes a longer example—the Israeli Palestinian conflict. It’s a great chapter because of the complexity and personal connection she brings to it, while analyzing the biases and choices of actually groups working for change.
I will say, too, that this sat on my shelf for a few months because I was thinking of it as “work” or an “academic” read—but it reads easy and is more enjoyable than those labels often are!
Another notable chapter is 9, in which she analyzes a longer example—the Israeli Palestinian conflict. It’s a great chapter because of the complexity and personal connection she brings to it, while analyzing the biases and choices of actually groups working for change.
April 12, 2022
Really interesting reflections on when to engage in dialogue and negotiation and when to take to the streets.
October 16, 2024
This book tackles the topic of strategy within movement spaces, and makes the information incredibly accessible. The book does assume some level of knowledge with conflict resolution practices and/or organizing, so it is not going to be a stand-alone book to recommend to students or folks new to movement work, but it does fill an important niche. An extra star for the amazing graphics and charts, which I can see myself coming back to this book for.
September 27, 2022
Overall very interesting. A bit dry, but a good into to this subject. Interested to learn more!
April 24, 2023
Accessible, informative, and somewhat scholarly. Recommend for anyone interested in making social or political change.
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews