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496 pages, Hardcover
First published April 11, 2023
He already killed the best parts of me.
Everything about me is cold and jittery and unrecognizable. I don’t want this body. It’s wrecked. It isn’t mine and I don’t want it. I’m not me anymore, so what does it matter.
I’m between myself and myself, I think. I feel my bones but don’t recognise my skin. This strange new self drinks in the power of night. I know what I was. I don’t know what I’m becoming.
”I was—not there to him. It was not me—like, he could take the flesh and bones without the person.” I unfold and blink. “He ripped me from me. I was trying to leave myself on the ground, but I couldn’t get away. You can’t leave your body.”
Because I was drunk, another idiotic mistake. How could I be so stupid?
So.
Fucking.
Stupid.
And why did I freeze? Why didn’t I bite and scratch and knee him in the balls? I am weak. Weak. I always thought I was a fighter, but it turns out I froze like a possum.
An asymmetric moon rises from the hills behind Lake Edith. It tosses pieces of itself onto the water, and the lake wears them like sequins. You don’t need to make yourself beautiful for this place, Edith, I say in my head. You’re too good for them.