When Your Way Isn't Working: Finding Purpose and Contentment through Deep Connection with Jesus

by Kyle Idleman

When you are worn-out, when you feel discouraged, when you think you don't have what it takes, what is the one thing that Jesus wants you to never forget? When Your Way Isn't Working equips you to discover authentic connection to God and others so you are free to live the life you long for. In some of his final words to his closest friends, Jesus didn't suggest a five-year plan for success or a checklist of things to do. Instead, he offered a metaphor about what the good life really looks I am the vine. You are the branches. Abide in me. In other words, No matter what happens next, the most important thing is to stay connected to me. In When Your Way Isn't Working, pastor and bestselling author Kyle Idleman offers a unique exploration of John 15 for all of us who are going through the motions and feel frustrated. Idleman reminds us that it's connection, not production, that leads to a fruitful life--relationships, not circumstances, that bring joy. He offers his distinctive, biblical perspective on how In the end, the fruit of your life won't have to do with what you accomplished but with whom you stayed connected. Because no matter what happens next in this uncertain world, what matters most, lasts the longest, and brings the greatest joy is staying connected to the God who never leaves you.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Religion, Faith, Christian Living, Inspirational, Self Help

240 pages, Hardcover

Published June 6, 2023

About the author

Kyle Idleman is the teaching pastor at Southeast Christian Church in Louisville, Kentucky, the fifth largest church in America. The bestselling author of the award-winning book Not a Fan and AHA is a frequent speaker at conferences and events around the world. Kyle and his wife, DesiRae, have four children.

Reviews

[Rebecca Ketterer · Rating 5 out of 5]

He is the pastor at my church, so I am incredibly biased (because I love my church), but Kyle Idleman always crafts an amazing lesson from scripture with visual examples, humor, and his own humility. In this book, he uses John 15 as a premise to offer perspective on what may be wrong “when your way isn’t working” and where (Who) you need to focus on connecting to in order to find greater rest, depth, and freedom in your own life.

[Kathleen · Rating 5 out of 5]

When Your Way Isn’t Working: Finding Purpose and Contentment through Deep Connection with Jesus by Kyle Idleman
4.8 stars

Are you stuck? Looking for a new way?
Have you noticed that you are getting more irritable with people? Do you spend more time scanning social media than talking with God in prayer? When was the last time you asked someone for help? And how did you feel when confronted with these questions?

If you are regularly feeling discouraged, frustrated, or just worn-out, that is a good indication that something in your life is out of sync.

Drawing from John 15, Kyle offers a hopeful, biblical perspective on overcoming discouragement, fear, and isolation. Jesus told his disciples everything they needed to know to have a fruitful life: “stay connected to me.” But how do we actually do that? In this book, Kyle shows us how to:
*Find greater rest, depth, and connection in our lives
*Recognize that what we can’t do makes room for what God can do
*Embrace freedom from the pressures of performance and production
*Step out of loneliness and isolation even when it feels scary
*Discover the top distractions that keep us from connecting to God - and how to counter them

In the end, the fruit of your life will have nothing to do with your biggest accomplishments but everything to do with your deepest connections.

Pages 159 - 161
“… if you’re willing to accept Jesus’ teaching on pruning and trust God‘s picture for your life, think about praying these words:

O Lord,
Are there some dead and diseased branches in my life that need to go? Is there an addiction for which I need to get some help? Is there a toxic relationship that isn’t honouring you? Is there something secretive that you need to pull into the light? God, are there some thought patterns that I’ve allowed to go unchecked? Are there some things that I’ve given my eyes and attention to that have stunted the growth you want to see in me?
God, is there some bitterness that is poisoning the branch, keeping me from being fully connected with you and poisoning the fruit you want to grow in my life? Is there someone I need to forgive, someone I need to give grace to? Is there an offence I need to overlook? Is there some anger that needs to be released? God, do I need to prune some voices in my life? Would you reveal to me the voices I need to stop listening to?
God, are there some fears and insecurities that are holding me back from bearing the fruit that you want to see grow in me, that I need to surrender to you once and for all? Are there some good things on my schedule that need to be pruned so I can be available for better things that you’re wanting to produce in and through me? If so, God, would you pry them from my white-knuckled grip so that I can be the person you’ve made me to be? What do you need to cut back in my life because it’s holding me back from what you’ve called me to do?
God, I believe you are the good Gardener. Would you prune some of what’s good because you have a better picture in mind for me? May I not refuse or resist the pruning, but instead have the faith to invite it and receive it, trusting that your pruning has a purpose and is getting me closer to the picture you have in mind.
It’s in Jesus name I pray.
Amen.”

[Maddi · Rating 5 out of 5]

These are words that I needed to hear right now.

This was a great to book that made me re-evaluate how I move and be in this world. I am nothing if I am not connected to the Vine. I need to refresh myself in Him daily; to be daily connected in Him so that I am not tempted to fall into my own ways.

[Kayla Hollatz · Rating 4 out of 5]

A delightfully simple read on trading your way of living for God's way. While the writing voice was a little casual/YA for my tastes, I really appreciated how many stories and verses from scripture were packed inside. I have quite a few lines highlighted. I think it would be a great companion to any beginners in spiritual formation—especially those who struggle with constant fatigue and burnout.

[Daniel Im · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another Incredible Book

I’ve read nearly all of Kyle’s books, and I would say that is his best one yet. The topic about finding connection and attachment to Jesus is timely, and his insights are so deeply valuable. But his writing style and humour kept me engaged throughout! Thank you for your ministry Kyle!

[Brayden Morrison · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a refreshing read for me! Kyle is an excellent author with a pastoral heart and a good sense of humor (definitely read the footnotes).

[Lisa Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Peter's way isn't working and Jesus tells Peter he wants him to do the same thing he's been doing- except this time he wants Peter to do it with Jesus in the boat."


"After Hannah cries out to God, she feels better. She is no longer discouraged...Don't miss this: her discouraging circumstances have not changed, but her connection with God has."


"I wanted to make it clear that Jesus didn't want a relationship with her because he wanted more *from* her. He simply wanted more and more *of* her - and more and more of you as well."


"Yet what we see in John 15 and understand about the pruning process is that painful things are not always punishment. When cherished pieces of our lives are being removed or our plans are being cut away, it may not be because God is punishing us. It could simply be that he is pretty good at pruning.

[Matthew · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was based on a study we are doing in small group. Boy, was it God's timing as the past 4 months have been difficult. Many parts of the book thinking that it was written for me and the question how is this working put for you really resonated with me. Great from start to finish.

[Ali Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Found this book to be very well written and the perfect length. Kyle gets straight to the point with out overdoing it. Really enjoyed the writing style and little bits of humor through out. But mostly enjoyed the reminder that we are not meant to do life alone and that struggles in life are just opportunities to be even more connected to the True Vine and all the benefits that can come from struggle. I liked the different perspectives Kyle illustrates to remind us of the importance of connection too. Highly recommend this quick read.

[Claire · Rating 4 out of 5]

Idleman uses the truth of Jesus’ words in John 15 to give the reader equal parts conviction and grace. His writing balances simplicity and depth as well as humor and challenges.

[Deb · Rating 2 out of 5]

Book review: When Your Way Isn’t Working

Table of Contents
SECTION 1: DIAGNOSING DISCONNECTION
1. Diagnosing Disconnection.
2. The Disconnection Dashboard
3. "I Wasn't Expecting It to Be like This"
The Discouragement Dial
4. "I've Had Enough"
The Frustration Meter
5. "I'm Worn-Out" 
The Fatigue Alarm
6. "I Don't Know What to Do"
The Anxiety Alert

SECTION 2: THE WAY OF CONNECTION
1. Be the Branch
2. Picked Up and Cleaned Off
3. The Bonsai Way
4. Tangled Up
5. Growing Pains
6. Grafted and Growing

I have read a few books by Kyle Idleman and I finished them between 2-7 days and really enjoyed them. I won a free copy so I felt I should finished the book to give it a fair review. This book fell flat for me and took me almost 4 weeks to read only because I never wanted to go back to it.

There was nothing new about this book. My summary is if you read the front cover, you got the idea of the book.

The author himself states on page 212 (second to last page):
“The basic premise of this book is that when our way isn't working, the most important thing we can do is focus on our connection with the Vine. When your way isn't working and you feel discouraged, frustrated, anxious, or worn-out, just be the branch. The process of grafting reminds us that connection is always possible.”

No one can tell an individual what is the best way to connect with Jesus, you have to figure that out, therefore if you are looking for that answer, you won’t find it.
I did “relate” to the second half of the book better but I don’t even remember the first half after taking so long to read it out of boredom and then dreading picking it up. Kyle Idleman makes good points, has examples, and is sometimes funny but I also feel like it’s not personal enough and very much what you would hear or should have heard if you are a Christian for any length of time.

Again, not a bad read but I expected so much more…

[Abby Carroll · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have turned over the thought of relationships over productivity and how this models who Jesus was. Kyle’s examples of taking a walk with his wife vs mowing the lawn fits this example perfectly.

[Tyler · Rating 4 out of 5]

When Your Way Isn’t Working has everything I have come to appreciate from Kyle Idleman: truth, conviction, and humor along the way. This book had me laughing out loud while at the same time feeling convicted and compelled to assess my connection to the Vine, calling me to deeper connection to the giver of life.

The only critique I have is the interpretation of the Greek airo from John 15:2. Admittedly I am no Greek scholar and I like the interpretation of it meaning to pick up or lift up dying branches. But I was hoping for deeper connection with the tension this interpretation presents when v6 says the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. Admittedly this verse is referenced in a later chapter but only at a more cursory level of those not abiding.

That being said, When Your Way Isn’t Working is classic Idleman: a thought-provoking read packed with conviction, encouragement, and call you to deeper relationship with the Vine.

[London B. · Rating 4 out of 5]

(4.2/5)
Kyle is a talented writer and God has used him many times to aid my own spiritual life. This book was fairly helpful and just what I needed to hear at this time in my life.

Overall, a good read.

[Aaron · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love reading anything from Kyle Idleman. This book came at the perfect time with practical examples about how to abide in Christ, and how He grows us through that abiding. I need to do more of that, and I’m thankful for these truths.

[Wade · Rating 5 out of 5]

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”

“When it’s clear that your way hasn’t worked for you and you find yourself covered in dirt and surrounded by weeds, there is a gardener with a graceful heart and gentle hands who loves to pick you up. As a once-withered branch myself, I’m immensely grateful for the kind of gardener God is. He saw me in the dirt, gently picked me up with graceful hands, cleaned me off, and placed me where I could grow and experience life once again.”

“Jesus bled so that sticks could become branches, and branches could bear good fruit. As the true vine, Jesus makes a way for sticks that have fallen off, that seem to have no purpose, and no hope to become branches once again. Jesus’ death on the cross is the one thing - the only thing - that makes connection possible.”

When I first started reading Kyle Idleman’s “When Your Way Isn’t Working,” I thought that I was not in the right season of my life for this. Maybe this book would have been good a year ago or another time because I’m in a pretty good place right now. But I have loved every Kyle Idleman book so maybe I can still glean something from it.

By the end of the book, however, I realized that there were many areas in my life where my way wasn’t working and that this book did come at the perfect season in my life. Kyle has the best approach to his writings: humor, personal stories, biblical foundation, vulnerability, humility, and a passion to be grafted to the true vine.

When Your Way Isn’t Working uses John 15:5 as the main theme. I loved how he taught me that while one interpretation is that the branches that produce no fruit are “cut off” from the vine, the more accurate translation from the Greek word “airo” is that Jesus “picks up” or “lifts up” the dying branches, in order to reconnect it back to the vine. It’s a vast difference and beautiful imagery.

If you’re like me and think your way is working pretty well, this book will help examine your own life to hopefully find some areas of improvement that will help us fully connect and rely on Jesus. This is definitely a book that would be worth reading and then reading again in the future as a reminder. It would also make a terrific book for an adult bible study.

[Adam Metz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not the deepest of studies, but I did find this book to be a good jumping off point for conversation and reflection on personal growth and faith. He mostly stays away from anything controversial or charged - which I get - but sometimes I think he would have been better served to challenge the readers more (like when he uses the example of not liking his neighbor because his lawn looked better than his ... Sure seems he could have been a bit more proactive to really challenge the reader as this is a really important topic for today). He challenges the reader to consider their connection with the vine of God - using the farewell discourse in John. He kind of moralizes those teachings a bit more than I would like, but he mostly offers poignant points of reflection for ways our pride and "our way" leaves us unfulfilled.

[gladys fox · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great Book

I have read a lot of books about belief in the one true God in my eighty two years of life; but I must say that Pastor Idleman has become my favorite author. What he writes flows easily , is straight forward and easy to understand. He has a wonderful sense of humor that made me laugh and he comes across as very "down to earth" and is not afraid to make fun of himself! Who wouldn't love a pastor like him. He also knows his Bible very well with an understanding greater than many of the author's books that I have read and studying that I have done!

[Whitney Hopperton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book! 4.5/5
Kyle has a great style of writing- he speaks truth, sprinkled with humor and conviction. I am glad I picked this up when I did. Great reminders of connecting to the vine- pruning and remaining connected. John 15

-one note I am not so sure of is the use and interpretation of John 15:2. Digging in more on my own to assess that portion.

That aside, this books is one I will reference again in the future.

[Simply Stevie Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book and needed so many things being reminded to myself through out it.

There are so many things we go through in life that we may not even realize that if we just did it with God we would be successful, in His will etc.
There’s nothing He can’t help us with in life.
I especially loved that He even touched on weight, and how so many people turn to pharmaceuticals instead of to God for help. Not just for help with weight but with so many other ailments too.
I loved this book.

[Ty Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was easily one of the best modern day, “This is why your connection with God is a mess.”

Then, it does the hardest job. It acknowledges that some people need Jesus AND help from man (therapy, meds etc). It refocuses how to see what frame you’ve put around your life. How are you seeing it? How can you see it differently? What are the options you need to think about while assessing your life?

Devoured the whole book this morning and loved it.

[Abbie Roberson · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 Stars

A great read* of well-divided chapters that all came back to the metaphor of John 15. There was one Greek translation that seemed a bit suspicious, like Idleman was choosing the definition that best fit his message, but I am no Greek scholar so I’m just gonna hope he knows what he’s talking about.
Solid humor, humility, and perspective.

*I listened over audio, and Idleman was a great narrator!

[Regina · Rating 5 out of 5]

As so often happens, God put this book in my hands at the exact time that I needed to read it. As a worship leader, the month of December is so difficult for me and I find myself falling into the traps that Idleman clearly outlines in this book. I always love the author's writing style -- humorous, relateable, real. So much good truth here and loved how it all tied to John 15, which was a passage that we had just been studying in Bible study.

[Ginger Snaps · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book helpful and honest without being overly preachy. Kyle gives good, real life examples from his own life as well as that of others as to how and why we need to seek God and listen to what He has to say. Our way is not good, even when it seems good. That’s a hard pill to swallow.

I enjoyed this book enough to purchase a physical copy for myself so I can reference it when I need to.

[Angel Beaufeaux · Rating 5 out of 5]

truthfully, this book feels like a gift from God. I’ve been struggling to turmoil of change in my life right now, but the way God used Kyle to speak to me through this book has changed my life. I feel a peace I haven’t known in months. I see a light at the end of the tunnel. I can’t recommend this book enough to literally anyone who feels like they’re experiencing so much pain but can’t see how God is using it for their good.

[Rebecca Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enjoyed it! It was a quick read but really gave some great insight on what we do when “our way isn’t working” - areas that we can naturally shift into (discouragement, frustration, fatigue and anxiety). He spends the last chunk really dissecting John 15 and what it means to be pruned so we can abide and bear fruit.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really love Idleman's style. It's like sitting down with a friend - an insightful and inspiring friend with a great sense of humor. This book takes a deep dive into the parable of the vine and the branches. Idleman also weaves in his own story and the way God has been working in his own life. This was a really thought-provoking book.

[Abi · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75

Overall this was good! I’m partial to Kyle since he is my actual pastor. I think he is full of wisdom and does a great job sharing that wisdom in humorous, easy to understand, and practical ways. I didn’t get as much out of this book as I had hoped, but I still really enjoyed it and found a lot of good truths throughout it. I would recommend it!

[Darlene Schacht · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this in a group study with the workbook and videos. I really thought my way was fine but God showed me! Lol

The first few and last few chapters weren't too impactful but those middle chapters were speaking to me then screaming at me! Ouch!

This book turned out to be one of those books I didn't know I needed. Had a real heart attitude change.

[Kaylea Smithson · Rating 4 out of 5]

(Audio book) Not my fav from Kyle Idleman, but still good! I finished this book a few days ago and am still thinking about it. Definitely recommend for anyone who feels the need to perform, achieve, and produce in order to please God.