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If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path
Zen and the art of falling in love . . .At once practical, playful, and spiritually sound, this book is about creating a new love story in your life. Drawing from Christian, Buddhist, Sufi and other spiritual traditions, If the Buddha Dated shows how to find a partner without losing yourself. Kasl, a practicing psychotherapist, workshop leader, and Reiki healer for thirty years, offers practical wisdom on using the path to love as a means of awakening.If the Buddha Dated teaches that when you stay loyal to your spiritual journey, you will bring curiosity, fascination, and a light heart to the dating process.
209 pages, Kindle Edition
First published February 1, 1999
463 people are currently reading
3474 people want to read
About the author
Charlotte Kasl
26 books72 followersCharlotte Sophia Kasl, PhD, is a U.S. psychologist and author.
She pioneered the 16-Steps for Discovery and Empowerment as an alternative to the Twelve-step program for recovery from addiction, compulsion, or other behavioral problems.
She wrote several books based on some aspects of Sufi, Quaker, and Buddhist spiritual beliefs and traditions.
She pioneered the 16-Steps for Discovery and Empowerment as an alternative to the Twelve-step program for recovery from addiction, compulsion, or other behavioral problems.
She wrote several books based on some aspects of Sufi, Quaker, and Buddhist spiritual beliefs and traditions.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 287 reviews
April 4, 2012
What an appropriate book at this point in my life. After many failed romances and at the tender age of 22, I was starting to become a little cynical. This book redirected me to a healthier and more loving place--a place where I learn to love and respect myself before getting involved with anyone else. Yes, the urge to feel loved and have romance in my life is still there but now I look at it with different eyes--now I ask myself, what is this loneliness signaling? Am I loving and nurturing myself fully right now? I am learning, albeit slowly, how to soothe my own anxieties and tenderly love myself without resorting to dating. It's a tough journey, especially for someone admittedly has a "dating addiction" but this book has surely helped a lot.
Kasl, an incredibly fascinating woman, begins with a little background on Buddhism and reminding the reader of the 4 noble truths: suffering is inherent to life, we create our suffering through attachments and demands that things be different than they are, we can ease our suffering by ceasing our endless demands and accepting the what is of life, and the last truth which is: through complete acceptance of the what is in life and recognizing the superficial desires we harbor, we learn to live in peace and love. With this in mind, we can contemplate on how we push our agendas on the world and, subsequently, other people (including and especially our love interests) Admittedly, I struggle with this constantly (and it was very apparent in my most recent relationships) so it definitely hit home and called for some self-reflection.
In addition, Kasl discusses how anxiety is inherent in most relationships because they resurrect the feelings of attachment we had with our mother or primary caregiver. We were once completely merged with our mother and, unconsciously, we still desire that feeling of complete and utter connection. We want someone to take care of us, soothe us, comfort us. But we are adults now. Therein lies the problem. She reminds us that this trap is easy to fall into, especially when first starting a relationship. Kasl is adamant about this fact--that we need to be happy with ourselves and be okay with letting a relationship end, if it does. Our ego tricks us into getting into a state of panic at the possibility of loss but if we relax and realize that this is just a moment in life and that people will always come and go (and that we will continue to live) we will be happier and appreciative of the learning experiences that come with each relationship.
Throughout the book, Kasl always mentions how the most important relationship is the one we have with ourselves and how if we learn to fully love and accept every aspect of ourselves, we will be tremendously happy, in or out of a relationship :)
Kasl, an incredibly fascinating woman, begins with a little background on Buddhism and reminding the reader of the 4 noble truths: suffering is inherent to life, we create our suffering through attachments and demands that things be different than they are, we can ease our suffering by ceasing our endless demands and accepting the what is of life, and the last truth which is: through complete acceptance of the what is in life and recognizing the superficial desires we harbor, we learn to live in peace and love. With this in mind, we can contemplate on how we push our agendas on the world and, subsequently, other people (including and especially our love interests) Admittedly, I struggle with this constantly (and it was very apparent in my most recent relationships) so it definitely hit home and called for some self-reflection.
In addition, Kasl discusses how anxiety is inherent in most relationships because they resurrect the feelings of attachment we had with our mother or primary caregiver. We were once completely merged with our mother and, unconsciously, we still desire that feeling of complete and utter connection. We want someone to take care of us, soothe us, comfort us. But we are adults now. Therein lies the problem. She reminds us that this trap is easy to fall into, especially when first starting a relationship. Kasl is adamant about this fact--that we need to be happy with ourselves and be okay with letting a relationship end, if it does. Our ego tricks us into getting into a state of panic at the possibility of loss but if we relax and realize that this is just a moment in life and that people will always come and go (and that we will continue to live) we will be happier and appreciative of the learning experiences that come with each relationship.
Throughout the book, Kasl always mentions how the most important relationship is the one we have with ourselves and how if we learn to fully love and accept every aspect of ourselves, we will be tremendously happy, in or out of a relationship :)
September 15, 2022
i was a little hesitant to read this because it feels somewhat sus for (white) authors to profit off of buddhism as a self-helpy trend. (kasl was a psychologist, and wrote several books that apply buddhist ideologies to various areas of life) and i would like to explore any criticism or discourse about the representation of buddhism here... but ideally books like this can make buddhist thought more accessible to folks who don't know much about it.
anyway. the book doesn't delve deeply enough into either buddhism or relationship psychology to make me feel like i have a firm understanding of anything new, but it is filled with many small and comforting nuggets of wisdom. and kasl does focus on some inner child stuff, which i definitely appreciate.
the short chapters each focus on an idea or stage of dating or relationships. many of these don't apply to me at the moment, but i could see value in returning to the book later. maybe it'd be helpful to revisit key chapters whenever you need a new perspective on a particular topic you're experiencing in your life. different wisdoms for different phases.
the book is often dated (as it was published in 1999! kasl mentions a coming out workshop led by chaz bono and uses his deadname, and talks about the trend of telephone dating services. it's an interesting blast from the past). but kasl, then in her 60s, was openly bisexual and seems like she was a pretty cool lady. i enjoyed the personal stories she weaves into the book.
one of the main themes here is that we must treat ourselves and our partners with respect and care, and approach life with an attitude of openness and curiosity. everything is ephemeral, but by seeking understanding and embracing change, we can live life more fully and be more present.
other messages of note:
‣ it's our attachments and expectations that cause us suffering. becoming mindful of these can help us to eventually be free of them, and to enjoy the good things that we do have. "All transformation starts with awareness."
‣ compassion is sacred. "When you say good-bye to someone or decide not to see them again, remember you are a moment in their story. Make it a story that doesn't leave a scar."
‣ "When we don't find meaning in life, we seek stimulation instead."
‣"If you want something to happen, help it happen (...) People who get results are usually excellent at making specific requests bolstered by self-confidence. They enjoy stretching their limits and experimenting. They also believe they deserve what they are asking for."
anyway. the book doesn't delve deeply enough into either buddhism or relationship psychology to make me feel like i have a firm understanding of anything new, but it is filled with many small and comforting nuggets of wisdom. and kasl does focus on some inner child stuff, which i definitely appreciate.
the short chapters each focus on an idea or stage of dating or relationships. many of these don't apply to me at the moment, but i could see value in returning to the book later. maybe it'd be helpful to revisit key chapters whenever you need a new perspective on a particular topic you're experiencing in your life. different wisdoms for different phases.
the book is often dated (as it was published in 1999! kasl mentions a coming out workshop led by chaz bono and uses his deadname, and talks about the trend of telephone dating services. it's an interesting blast from the past). but kasl, then in her 60s, was openly bisexual and seems like she was a pretty cool lady. i enjoyed the personal stories she weaves into the book.
one of the main themes here is that we must treat ourselves and our partners with respect and care, and approach life with an attitude of openness and curiosity. everything is ephemeral, but by seeking understanding and embracing change, we can live life more fully and be more present.
other messages of note:
‣ it's our attachments and expectations that cause us suffering. becoming mindful of these can help us to eventually be free of them, and to enjoy the good things that we do have. "All transformation starts with awareness."
‣ compassion is sacred. "When you say good-bye to someone or decide not to see them again, remember you are a moment in their story. Make it a story that doesn't leave a scar."
‣ "When we don't find meaning in life, we seek stimulation instead."
‣"If you want something to happen, help it happen (...) People who get results are usually excellent at making specific requests bolstered by self-confidence. They enjoy stretching their limits and experimenting. They also believe they deserve what they are asking for."
June 19, 2012
A practical and thoughtful dialogue. This book has somewhat hard to swallow advice that may change your life. It is informed by various spiritual traditions, and places the emphasis of relationships toward a questioned approach. What it is that you and your partner need. What can you do to open yourself up to finding someone. Who are you? What have you not accepted in the past, what does your intuition tell you about where you are right now.
It was also helpful for me even though my focus is more on jobs and finding work. Some exercise were fun too like writing a personal ad based on your who you really are. ie: "Often late, forgetful m looking for slender wf to make himself feel better about life." haha, so true for many men including myself. Not something I try to be, but something that society tells us will give us control or power or happiness.
It also got you to write out what you really felt was your essence and how a partner could inform that, and how you could come to terms with growing within those conditions
Mostly th I think the most important lesson is that is one of the noble truths taught in Buddhism and other spiritual traditions is that attachment leads to suffering. This book is a good way to gently guide us to exist with those emotions.
To stay with fear, to stick with it.
It was also helpful for me even though my focus is more on jobs and finding work. Some exercise were fun too like writing a personal ad based on your who you really are. ie: "Often late, forgetful m looking for slender wf to make himself feel better about life." haha, so true for many men including myself. Not something I try to be, but something that society tells us will give us control or power or happiness.
It also got you to write out what you really felt was your essence and how a partner could inform that, and how you could come to terms with growing within those conditions
Mostly th I think the most important lesson is that is one of the noble truths taught in Buddhism and other spiritual traditions is that attachment leads to suffering. This book is a good way to gently guide us to exist with those emotions.
To stay with fear, to stick with it.
December 31, 2012
When the student is ready the teacher will appear. Thanks Kris for giving me this book all those years ago when I put it on the shelf unread.
There came a moment in my life where I needed to remember how to be authentically committed to a person without being attached to a specific result; to be in the moment with my commitments but no expectations. This book was sitting there on my shelf and gave me a little insight into how that might be possible.
It is not a perfect book but then what book is? It really isn't all that buddhist for example. Also there are a few examples where the author clearly missed the point. It is not enough to breathe in suffering and breathe out love and compassion. Sometimes you need to get off your effing butt and tend to the wounded.
That being said it's a fast read any you might get some value out of it if you are willing to keep what is worth keeping and blow the rest away.
Oh, the comfort --
The inexpressible comfort of feeling
safe with a person,
Having neither to weigh thoughts,
Nor measure words -- but pouring them
All right out -- just as they are --
Chaff and grain together --
Certain that a faithful hand will
Take and sift them --
Keep what is worth keeping --
and with the breath of kindness
Blow the rest away.
There came a moment in my life where I needed to remember how to be authentically committed to a person without being attached to a specific result; to be in the moment with my commitments but no expectations. This book was sitting there on my shelf and gave me a little insight into how that might be possible.
It is not a perfect book but then what book is? It really isn't all that buddhist for example. Also there are a few examples where the author clearly missed the point. It is not enough to breathe in suffering and breathe out love and compassion. Sometimes you need to get off your effing butt and tend to the wounded.
That being said it's a fast read any you might get some value out of it if you are willing to keep what is worth keeping and blow the rest away.
Oh, the comfort --
The inexpressible comfort of feeling
safe with a person,
Having neither to weigh thoughts,
Nor measure words -- but pouring them
All right out -- just as they are --
Chaff and grain together --
Certain that a faithful hand will
Take and sift them --
Keep what is worth keeping --
and with the breath of kindness
Blow the rest away.
July 20, 2014
Okay, so, in all honestly, I'm really embarrassed to admit I read this book. If there are two topics of public conversation that make me squirmy it's love and spirituality. And god forbid someone see me standing anywhere near the self-help section of a bookstore. But, hey, a close, trusted friend recommended that I read this book and I'm really glad she did. It's not particularly well-written and - I say this with utter seriousness - the whimsical font/design choices really almost made me give up before I even started. But I was curious! I guess this is the part where I have to admit that I am newly in love and that, despite all the reasons to feel only so-so about this book, it was really great for critical self-examination and honest reflection. This book gave me the tools to do the kind of work I was trying to do by myself. Reading this book and taking it to heart years ago would have saved me from a great deal of stress, aggravation, anxiety, and wasted time; but reading it now was a pleasant confirmation that I'm on the right track in my own development as a person and romantic partner. I found it to be a helpful catalyst for assessing my romantic situation honestly. I would never presume to call myself a Buddhist; however, I found Buddhist philosophy to be a useful lens through which to view and evaluate love. It was difficult for me to relate wholeheartedly to the concept of being "on a spiritual path," as well as some of the more woo-woo ideas about assessing compatibility (astrological charts, handwriting analysis), but I took much more from this book than I put into it, so in that regard it is a success. I would recommend this book to anyone in pursuit of love/commitment (including, or rather ESPECIALLY those pursuing a higher degree of self-love) and willing to engage with difficult questions. It's hard to face yourself full-on, and for me, even harder to admit it, but it's important work and this book was an accessible way to get there.
April 28, 2013
I read this book every few years, usually around the time I think I'm ready for another relationship. Every time I do, I'm reminded that the relationship I'm really craving is with myself, and the All-That-Is. In other words, this is a sweet little book about traveling the Path, whether or not the Path takes you alongside someone else's Path. If it does, there are a number of lovely little essays and tools that may help you avert the crazy pitfalls you generally hit in (or out of) relationship; if not, there's plenty of good, comforting, soul-satisfying material to keep you happily moving forward on your own.
June 26, 2015
One of my main criterion for reviewing a book is to assess how much it has taught me. For that, this book deserves many more than five stars, it deserves one for each chapter. This book clearly respects and honors love and it does it through various mentally healthy/spiritual/psychological lenses. I cried many times reading it and I feel that it has changed me. Sometimes I spend an entire day remembering a chapter. I cannot recommend this enough, to both singles and nonsingles.
September 9, 2012
This book caught my eye on the shelf at an interesting time: an intriguing character had just entered my life and then left just as quickly, after entrancing me with his spirituality and shocking me with his dismissal and disappearance. A truly inspiring conversation with this person led me to consider an approach to life that welcomes the present moment and opens myself to the possibilities around me for love — in essence, the message of If the Buddha Dated.
One thing that made the material in Kasl's "handbook" hard to digest was the unclear structure and a lack of relatable examples. She elaborates on the experiences of many couples and individuals, but their realism doesn't truly resonate with the reader, because the characters, as it were, are so far removed from us. This was, at least, my opinion. As such, many of the examples were forgettable, but the main takeaway for me had several levels: 1) love will be ready for you when you are ready for it; 2) refuting expectations in life is difficult but necessary for fulfillment; and 3) the principles of Buddhism and Sufism appeal to me very much, spiritually.
If the Buddha Dated was an excellent gateway to spiritual thought for me, and I think it has started me down a meaningful new path.
One thing that made the material in Kasl's "handbook" hard to digest was the unclear structure and a lack of relatable examples. She elaborates on the experiences of many couples and individuals, but their realism doesn't truly resonate with the reader, because the characters, as it were, are so far removed from us. This was, at least, my opinion. As such, many of the examples were forgettable, but the main takeaway for me had several levels: 1) love will be ready for you when you are ready for it; 2) refuting expectations in life is difficult but necessary for fulfillment; and 3) the principles of Buddhism and Sufism appeal to me very much, spiritually.
If the Buddha Dated was an excellent gateway to spiritual thought for me, and I think it has started me down a meaningful new path.
October 17, 2020
Not enough people openly discuss the relationship they have with themselves or with their partners even though both are incredibly influential on our lives and well-being. This book is excellent for self reflection and understanding your deepest desires as an individual as well as going into a spiritual understanding of your upbringing and letting go of habits that no longer serve you. Everyone can learn something from this whether single, in a relationship, spiritual, or not. Will definitely be going back to reference this at a later date.
June 19, 2009
This book is very enjoyable and supremely helpful to everyone I've known who's read it. It was highly recommended to me by a good friend about two years ago. I am about to read it again, for the third time! If you want to be open and honest with life and others, able to love them by first loving all parts of yourself and live compassionately, this book's for you! I promise it will help you to release some of your fears, false perceptions and worries. It really is so good as to make you want to read it over an over again. There is another one by Kasl (many) called: If the Buddha Married but I am confident that this book is extremely practical and helpful to human beings, male or female, married or unmarried. Enjoy!! Pass it on . . .
August 20, 2015
I attribute this book to the reason I met my husband! Excellent principles on focusing on what you want and sending the right messages into the Universe!
May 9, 2023
Pretty decent. Some definite gold nuggets buried within.
Some of its kind of outdated, talking about personal ads, and what not. But I think the principles carry over.
I think the drawback of this is that it is fairly prescriptive in a way that I don’t really associate with Buddhism. I think there’s kind of a missing trend of overall acceptance of wherever you’re at or what you’re looking for. This book precepts that you’re looking for a long-term Monogamous heteronormative relationship.
Some of its kind of outdated, talking about personal ads, and what not. But I think the principles carry over.
I think the drawback of this is that it is fairly prescriptive in a way that I don’t really associate with Buddhism. I think there’s kind of a missing trend of overall acceptance of wherever you’re at or what you’re looking for. This book precepts that you’re looking for a long-term Monogamous heteronormative relationship.
May 4, 2022
Absolutely loved! I believe everyone should read this book. I didn't give it five stars because it definitely needs to be updated to reflect all the changes that have happened in dating since the 90s.
March 31, 2008
The title of this book sounds TOTALLY cheezy, but it is fantastic. I read it as I was re-evaluating after an intense breakup and kind of messed up relationship, finding myself potentially launching into a new relationship.
The book is part self-help, part Buddhist-y, and is made up of short chapters with different lessons to learn. Meta-chapters walk you through the progression of a relationship. What I like about this book a lot is its emphasis on dealing with pain and becoming whole, in order to be a full person and not solely for the sake of a relationship/partner. I do, however, credit this book with helping me be compassionate with myself in the wake of an old relationship, and try to be fully present and open and honest in the face of a new one (especially in terms of not playing games and keeping all my cards on the table). Totally totally worth reading, especially considering how central romantic relationships tend to be in our lives.
The book is part self-help, part Buddhist-y, and is made up of short chapters with different lessons to learn. Meta-chapters walk you through the progression of a relationship. What I like about this book a lot is its emphasis on dealing with pain and becoming whole, in order to be a full person and not solely for the sake of a relationship/partner. I do, however, credit this book with helping me be compassionate with myself in the wake of an old relationship, and try to be fully present and open and honest in the face of a new one (especially in terms of not playing games and keeping all my cards on the table). Totally totally worth reading, especially considering how central romantic relationships tend to be in our lives.
September 18, 2008
Last year (2007) when I had just moved out of my home, with my daughter and my dogs, away from my now ex-husband, my friend Cheryl gave me this book to read. There are so many great quotes in it, which I will have to add later. She told me the story of how she even came across the book. She was out of town, but in a random bookstore, and this book literally fell off the shelf into her hands. She said it was profound and when she read it, it meant even more to her. It, at the time, made a lot of sense to me. Im going to re-read it again, as soon as I am done with my current book, or at least skim it. I will add the things I like most about it soon in here!
January 16, 2009
A good book, and a quick read -- I zoomed through it in two evenings, loaned it to a friend the next day. Good advice for weird singletons like me ;)
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June 2, 2014really really enjoyed this book i recommend it for all really helps you ponder on your true self which helps in recognizing a good partner
August 16, 2014
One of the best dating books I ever read...
October 29, 2014
She is right, you need to find somebody on a spiritual path of their own. Healing people will gain appreciation for themselves and the others also on one too.
November 22, 2014
Good book. Guides you through authentic motions of being with someone and love. I enjoyed it.
August 12, 2023
4.25✨ this has been on my tbr for awhile. while I’m in a relationship & this is more tailored to those looking for love, I still found it insightful & enjoyed it . warning for long list of resonant quotes ahead
This is an older book (published early 1999) so huge focus around ads in the newspaper as a way to get yourself out there. pre dating app era & just the beginning of people meeting on the internet. so interesting to here & learn about!!
I found it to be quite radical for the time. While no acknowledgement of nb folks (always saying she/he rather than they), there are chapters on queer relationships & the author herself identifies as bisexual. very open conversations on sex & the role of it in relationships.
Overall so many takeaways & solid listen :) 6.5 hrs audiobook
ON BUDDHISM
- “Buddhism is more of a philosophy for living than a religion or dogma. It’s about being awake, free from illusions & fear so that compassion & loving kindness permeate all of our relationships”
- “Buddhism is a very earthbound approach to living that focuses on our moment to moment awareness of every aspect of our life”
- “Buddhists do not refer to God. Rather to the essence or energy at the core of all people & all creation. There’s no supreme being to lean on or tell you what to do…it gives you the ultimate responsibility for your behavior”
- “The Buddha taught that we can find refuge within ourselves through mindfulness of thoughts, body sensations & attachments. This means self knowing…this frees us to connect with our true essence”
- In Buddhism there’s no concept of sin. All harmful acts are seen as stemming from unconsciousness and disconnecting from our essence”
QUOTES
- “it’s our attachment to be free of pain that causes suffering”
- “as with everything, you need to keep stripping away the layers of your expectations, projections, & hopes so you meet people without having past filters & memories clouding your vision. Keep asking who is this person right now? Who am I right now?…remember not to get attached to the outcome”
- “if you present an image & that’s what they fall in love with, then you’ll be stuck trying to maintain that image. You won’t have an authentic relationship or feel loved because it’s your acting job they liked.” On friendships, love, family & all relationships
- “To make a decision based on reality, we have to accept that it will be this way because the present time is the only truth we have. Otherwise our decision is based on projections & wishful thinking”
- fall in love vs crawl in love / falling for a fantasy, projected image towards the future vs moving slow & grounded in the present reality of who the person is . crawling is staying mindful & aware
- Explanation of how I’ve felt after relationships that moved too quickly, caught up in euphoria then smacked by the reality of the situation. It’s part of why moving slow & developing that connection is so important & why I believe my love now is so much stronger, genuine & warm
- The “then what?” exercise when confronting fear. seeing melodramatic thoughts as separate from true essence
This is an older book (published early 1999) so huge focus around ads in the newspaper as a way to get yourself out there. pre dating app era & just the beginning of people meeting on the internet. so interesting to here & learn about!!
I found it to be quite radical for the time. While no acknowledgement of nb folks (always saying she/he rather than they), there are chapters on queer relationships & the author herself identifies as bisexual. very open conversations on sex & the role of it in relationships.
Overall so many takeaways & solid listen :) 6.5 hrs audiobook
ON BUDDHISM
- “Buddhism is more of a philosophy for living than a religion or dogma. It’s about being awake, free from illusions & fear so that compassion & loving kindness permeate all of our relationships”
- “Buddhism is a very earthbound approach to living that focuses on our moment to moment awareness of every aspect of our life”
- “Buddhists do not refer to God. Rather to the essence or energy at the core of all people & all creation. There’s no supreme being to lean on or tell you what to do…it gives you the ultimate responsibility for your behavior”
- “The Buddha taught that we can find refuge within ourselves through mindfulness of thoughts, body sensations & attachments. This means self knowing…this frees us to connect with our true essence”
- In Buddhism there’s no concept of sin. All harmful acts are seen as stemming from unconsciousness and disconnecting from our essence”
QUOTES
- “it’s our attachment to be free of pain that causes suffering”
- “as with everything, you need to keep stripping away the layers of your expectations, projections, & hopes so you meet people without having past filters & memories clouding your vision. Keep asking who is this person right now? Who am I right now?…remember not to get attached to the outcome”
- “if you present an image & that’s what they fall in love with, then you’ll be stuck trying to maintain that image. You won’t have an authentic relationship or feel loved because it’s your acting job they liked.” On friendships, love, family & all relationships
- “To make a decision based on reality, we have to accept that it will be this way because the present time is the only truth we have. Otherwise our decision is based on projections & wishful thinking”
- fall in love vs crawl in love / falling for a fantasy, projected image towards the future vs moving slow & grounded in the present reality of who the person is . crawling is staying mindful & aware
- Explanation of how I’ve felt after relationships that moved too quickly, caught up in euphoria then smacked by the reality of the situation. It’s part of why moving slow & developing that connection is so important & why I believe my love now is so much stronger, genuine & warm
- The “then what?” exercise when confronting fear. seeing melodramatic thoughts as separate from true essence
April 13, 2020
An interesting point of view. I found some practical tasks pretty helpful. The book itself was really easy to read and understand.
However, I would treat this book more like a free time easy reading choice.
However, I would treat this book more like a free time easy reading choice.
March 25, 2022
Too lazy to complete a full review, but I loved this book. Big takeaways:
- connect with your essence
- don’t attach to outcomes
- reflect on your obsession - what do you fear?
- to know one person well is to know everything well.
- connect with your essence
- don’t attach to outcomes
- reflect on your obsession - what do you fear?
- to know one person well is to know everything well.
December 4, 2022
This was an enjoyable read that definitely started to unlock some different perspectives than I held prior. The flow between mentioning her own thoughts and a Buddhist perspective, while drawing in advice, ideas, and commentary from other spiritual paths and sources of wisdom. It's worth reading, but this is one that I'll pass on, instead of retain for my permanent collection.
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February 18, 2020If the Buddha Dated is a self-help book about relationships. I know some people really love the things Charlotte brings up, but I had a problem with how incredibly outdated this work is. I didn't realize it until she used Chaz Bono's dead name in the text. I thought that was incredibly rude because I remember Chaz coming out as trans when I was a kid. Then I realized this was published in 1999 and Chaz transitioned in the 2000's. That showed me how old this work is. On top of that, Charlotte has a very limited view of relationships. She focused on partnerships between males and females. I don't know if this was intentional or if, because she's a therapist, she is just used to having patients in a male/female partnership, but it felt limiting. Even when she did try to expand her reach to people in the LGBT+ community, she mostly just talked about gay, lesbian, and bi people. She also completely neglected the possibility of polyamory and focused on partnerships between two people. Again, this could be because of how dated the book is.
More than anything, I hoped Charlotte would have talked more about the split between romantic attraction and sexual attraction, and how building a relationship with other people is different depending on how you feel. I'm also not in any kind of relationship, and there were some moments where I could adapt what Charlotte was saying into friendships, but not much. Maybe I would have gotten more out of this if I was in a relationship? Aside from the things Charlotte left out, I just didn't necessarily agree with much of what she was saying. Largely when she was talking about how a person doesn't have to dismantle their ego. Maybe it's just because I've been hurt by people who thought too much of themselves, but seeing people with a high ego turns me off to them. Internet friends are pretty immune because my interactions with them are fairly limited but, if I'm interacting with you regularly, I don't want to talk to someone with a high ego. She also went on this whole thing about reaching out to people who hurt you and, if they don't respond, reach out again and see if they're willing to talk about it, etc. I don't do that. I used to, but I've learned that I will always feel like I am the problem and I am the thing people want to avoid, so I don't want to prolong the hurt. Having just dealt with something similar, it's easier for someone like me to cut others off. That might sound isolating, but I'm tired of being screwed over.
I'm not going to rate this because I don't feel comfortable rating books that are meant to help people. I didn't get anything from If the Buddha Dated, but it might be worth looking into if you want a short book about relationships.
More than anything, I hoped Charlotte would have talked more about the split between romantic attraction and sexual attraction, and how building a relationship with other people is different depending on how you feel. I'm also not in any kind of relationship, and there were some moments where I could adapt what Charlotte was saying into friendships, but not much. Maybe I would have gotten more out of this if I was in a relationship? Aside from the things Charlotte left out, I just didn't necessarily agree with much of what she was saying. Largely when she was talking about how a person doesn't have to dismantle their ego. Maybe it's just because I've been hurt by people who thought too much of themselves, but seeing people with a high ego turns me off to them. Internet friends are pretty immune because my interactions with them are fairly limited but, if I'm interacting with you regularly, I don't want to talk to someone with a high ego. She also went on this whole thing about reaching out to people who hurt you and, if they don't respond, reach out again and see if they're willing to talk about it, etc. I don't do that. I used to, but I've learned that I will always feel like I am the problem and I am the thing people want to avoid, so I don't want to prolong the hurt. Having just dealt with something similar, it's easier for someone like me to cut others off. That might sound isolating, but I'm tired of being screwed over.
I'm not going to rate this because I don't feel comfortable rating books that are meant to help people. I didn't get anything from If the Buddha Dated, but it might be worth looking into if you want a short book about relationships.
October 27, 2022
Audiobook
Preparing for love:
Spiritual path in love affects all areas of your life, not just dating and marriage
About being awake, free from illusions and fear
Being present to the moment but unattached to any outcome allows relationships to develop
Circular relationship between ability to know and love another and know and love ourselves
Accepting the process of love is awkward
About discovering essence
Impermanence. Life is a process of constantly letting go.
Attachment to the outcome causes suffering
The ego fears surrender, the soul longs for us to crack our shells
All transformation starts w awareness
Allowing love to pierce your heart can feel threatening and like it will unleash a torrent of old hurts and pains
If we attempt to find completeness through another’s song, there will be dependence and a relationship without harmony
What do you do when you hit your edges?
When you drop the mask other ppl may run away because they become acutely aware of their own
False beliefs from our parents or families become hardwired and we live by them when they are only ideas put into our minds
Notice the stories that come to mind when you think about dating or being in a relationship
If you can loosen the grip of these false beliefs even a little bit, your life will have more flow
Intimacy requires the ability to merge and separate
Creating a partnership resurrects any issues in our original attachment relationship
If our parents had an issue w oneness or separateness, they may have planted false beliefs in us about one or both of these qualities
Critical parent makes sharing fears and insecurities with a partner extremely difficult
Separateness allows us to say goodbye and hang up the phone instead of needing to hold on
Notice whether you have difficulty with oneness or separateness
Surrender means we fear nothing that is human and natural
We free ourselves from the misery of holding back and playing it safe
Love brings up our childhood feelings
This is the spiritual fire
Go into the story behind the story behind the story
We become more natural and relaxed w ppl through spending one on one time w friends, revealing ourselves, settling conflict
Be guided by spirit, not ego
Ego - showing off, downplaying, fake persona, trying to change someone, self harm - trying to control
Comes from fear
Gender stereotypes, formulas, and dating rules do not help ppl have authentic healthy relationships. Every person is their own person and needs to be known for themselves.
Apologizing to others shows compassion for ourselves because we send ourselves a message that it’s okay to make a mistake
Awakening your desire:
Consider your values, interests, and lifestyle preferences
Always make the message to the universe positive - what you do want as opposed to what you don’t
Put things that represent love in your environment
Look for your equal. Doesn’t mean you are the same but the relationship is balanced. Both partners should be able to support themselves.
Levels of connection - physical/material, intellect, interests, values/lifestyle, psychological/emotional, creativity/passion, spirituality, essence
Differentiation is the ability to maintain a separate identity in close relationship to another
Opposite is fusion
Well-differentiated ppl continuously self reflect and consider their part in a relationship
They give without scorekeeping
Describing who you are looking for and what you have to offer - go through the levels of connection and make a list for each
Write a paragraph describing who you are looking for, then limit it to ten words, then to one keyword
Chronic infatuation-seeking leads to chronic anxiety and depression on a chemical level
Sexual attraction can remain strong through the years of a relationship
Explore what we learned at home about ourselves or relationships and heal that
Clear old hurts and resolve old conflicts
Not always necessary to call the person
Sometimes hard to think about because of how it reflects on us because of how we reacted
To whom do you need to apologize, to clear the air with
Grieving is completed when we can remember a person peacefully, appreciating what we learned from them
Express gratitude to the ppl who touched your life
These allow energy to flow freely
The most important prerequisite to finding a relationship is wanting one
Make a list of the reasons you haven’t met someone yet and then realize those are just reasons
What we say to ourselves sends a message to the universe
Law of averages - you have to go out and meet new people
There is only so much you can do - it’s a dance of doing what you can and letting go
Go slow “crawling in love”
Let go of the outcome
Operate out of a sense of abundance, not scarcity
Deliberately increase the flow of ppl in your life
No one is the wrong person, just not what you’re looking for
You can’t force a connection, it’s there or it isn’t
You are both sacred ppl on the path, both seeking love
It’s just a moment in time, you’re not being auctioned off
If the energy on the date drops, change something
Any authentic remark will usually liven things up
A good relationship feels flooded w sunshine
Exploring fears using the “then what?” exercise
Most fears thin out and lose their grip
Exploring ambivalence exercise - write down all the things you appreciate about single life, write down all the fears you have about being partnered, write down all the reasons you want a relationship
This will help you learn more about yourself and your needs
When you feel the urge to run you can sit down and stay out with your terror. It’s not dangerous and understanding what lies beneath your fear can free you.
Talk to each other in the pithy language of a 10 year old. “I like when you, I don’t like when you, I feel scared that”
Obsessive thinking signals we are not telling the truth to ourself or another person (ex that you know the other person is ambivalent).
When people know and allow themselves to speak the truth, the obsession dies down.
It’s better to be honest and risk losing the relationship than to live in fear of facing reality.
Opening yourself to love means opening yourself to the possibility of loss. Daily separation, change, and death.
Living with ambiguity is an enormous challenge for many.
Just breath, and keep dancing.
Don’t ever marry potential. It takes a powerful commitment, deep inner work, and time for someone to change old patterns.
Why do we feel a strange feeling of let down when we realize this is the person we have been waiting for? All decisions, all steps forward involve loss.
There’s a psychological moment when a dream comes to fruition and we have to shut off all other possibilities. No more imagining dream outcomes.
We need to acknowledge the presence of both excitement and loss.
Love means letting go.
If you want something to happen, help it happen. Ex planning an outing
People who get what they want are usually good at making specific requests.
Accept the person you decide to marry the way they are without planning to change them. It’s unlikely to happen. This is how it’s going to be.
Lovers are a gift from the universe. You could have no block, no problem, nothing you could have done differently. It’s just not your time right now. Your path is acceptance. We are not in complete control.
Preparing for love:
Spiritual path in love affects all areas of your life, not just dating and marriage
About being awake, free from illusions and fear
Being present to the moment but unattached to any outcome allows relationships to develop
Circular relationship between ability to know and love another and know and love ourselves
Accepting the process of love is awkward
About discovering essence
Impermanence. Life is a process of constantly letting go.
Attachment to the outcome causes suffering
The ego fears surrender, the soul longs for us to crack our shells
All transformation starts w awareness
Allowing love to pierce your heart can feel threatening and like it will unleash a torrent of old hurts and pains
If we attempt to find completeness through another’s song, there will be dependence and a relationship without harmony
What do you do when you hit your edges?
When you drop the mask other ppl may run away because they become acutely aware of their own
False beliefs from our parents or families become hardwired and we live by them when they are only ideas put into our minds
Notice the stories that come to mind when you think about dating or being in a relationship
If you can loosen the grip of these false beliefs even a little bit, your life will have more flow
Intimacy requires the ability to merge and separate
Creating a partnership resurrects any issues in our original attachment relationship
If our parents had an issue w oneness or separateness, they may have planted false beliefs in us about one or both of these qualities
Critical parent makes sharing fears and insecurities with a partner extremely difficult
Separateness allows us to say goodbye and hang up the phone instead of needing to hold on
Notice whether you have difficulty with oneness or separateness
Surrender means we fear nothing that is human and natural
We free ourselves from the misery of holding back and playing it safe
Love brings up our childhood feelings
This is the spiritual fire
Go into the story behind the story behind the story
We become more natural and relaxed w ppl through spending one on one time w friends, revealing ourselves, settling conflict
Be guided by spirit, not ego
Ego - showing off, downplaying, fake persona, trying to change someone, self harm - trying to control
Comes from fear
Gender stereotypes, formulas, and dating rules do not help ppl have authentic healthy relationships. Every person is their own person and needs to be known for themselves.
Apologizing to others shows compassion for ourselves because we send ourselves a message that it’s okay to make a mistake
Awakening your desire:
Consider your values, interests, and lifestyle preferences
Always make the message to the universe positive - what you do want as opposed to what you don’t
Put things that represent love in your environment
Look for your equal. Doesn’t mean you are the same but the relationship is balanced. Both partners should be able to support themselves.
Levels of connection - physical/material, intellect, interests, values/lifestyle, psychological/emotional, creativity/passion, spirituality, essence
Differentiation is the ability to maintain a separate identity in close relationship to another
Opposite is fusion
Well-differentiated ppl continuously self reflect and consider their part in a relationship
They give without scorekeeping
Describing who you are looking for and what you have to offer - go through the levels of connection and make a list for each
Write a paragraph describing who you are looking for, then limit it to ten words, then to one keyword
Chronic infatuation-seeking leads to chronic anxiety and depression on a chemical level
Sexual attraction can remain strong through the years of a relationship
Explore what we learned at home about ourselves or relationships and heal that
Clear old hurts and resolve old conflicts
Not always necessary to call the person
Sometimes hard to think about because of how it reflects on us because of how we reacted
To whom do you need to apologize, to clear the air with
Grieving is completed when we can remember a person peacefully, appreciating what we learned from them
Express gratitude to the ppl who touched your life
These allow energy to flow freely
The most important prerequisite to finding a relationship is wanting one
Make a list of the reasons you haven’t met someone yet and then realize those are just reasons
What we say to ourselves sends a message to the universe
Law of averages - you have to go out and meet new people
There is only so much you can do - it’s a dance of doing what you can and letting go
Go slow “crawling in love”
Let go of the outcome
Operate out of a sense of abundance, not scarcity
Deliberately increase the flow of ppl in your life
No one is the wrong person, just not what you’re looking for
You can’t force a connection, it’s there or it isn’t
You are both sacred ppl on the path, both seeking love
It’s just a moment in time, you’re not being auctioned off
If the energy on the date drops, change something
Any authentic remark will usually liven things up
A good relationship feels flooded w sunshine
Exploring fears using the “then what?” exercise
Most fears thin out and lose their grip
Exploring ambivalence exercise - write down all the things you appreciate about single life, write down all the fears you have about being partnered, write down all the reasons you want a relationship
This will help you learn more about yourself and your needs
When you feel the urge to run you can sit down and stay out with your terror. It’s not dangerous and understanding what lies beneath your fear can free you.
Talk to each other in the pithy language of a 10 year old. “I like when you, I don’t like when you, I feel scared that”
Obsessive thinking signals we are not telling the truth to ourself or another person (ex that you know the other person is ambivalent).
When people know and allow themselves to speak the truth, the obsession dies down.
It’s better to be honest and risk losing the relationship than to live in fear of facing reality.
Opening yourself to love means opening yourself to the possibility of loss. Daily separation, change, and death.
Living with ambiguity is an enormous challenge for many.
Just breath, and keep dancing.
Don’t ever marry potential. It takes a powerful commitment, deep inner work, and time for someone to change old patterns.
Why do we feel a strange feeling of let down when we realize this is the person we have been waiting for? All decisions, all steps forward involve loss.
There’s a psychological moment when a dream comes to fruition and we have to shut off all other possibilities. No more imagining dream outcomes.
We need to acknowledge the presence of both excitement and loss.
Love means letting go.
If you want something to happen, help it happen. Ex planning an outing
People who get what they want are usually good at making specific requests.
Accept the person you decide to marry the way they are without planning to change them. It’s unlikely to happen. This is how it’s going to be.
Lovers are a gift from the universe. You could have no block, no problem, nothing you could have done differently. It’s just not your time right now. Your path is acceptance. We are not in complete control.
June 14, 2022
I have mixed feelings about this book. Yes sometimes the author makes some good points but given that she has a PhD in psychology, I expected better of her. She could have done a better job so there is a lot of room for improvement should she decide to rewrite this book that is sorely in need of one. This book isn't a hard core philosophy book on Buddhism as it's more of a light, fluffy look at it so don't go picking this up thinking you'll be getting a good understanding of Buddhism because you're not. It's just surface level. I don't think there is anything wrong with that, just don't go in with high expectations.
Cons
• Kasl references Stephen Wolinsky a lot in her book. She referenced his book "The Tao of Chaos: Essence and the Enneagram." I'm not sure how many workshops she's attended but she also references things he's said in these workshops. Apparently Wolinsky was a follower of a deceased Hindu guru, Nisargadatta Maharaj so not sure why she is referencing him so much when he actually doesn't have much of a Buddhist background. Is it because Hindu hasn't become marketable yet but Buddhism is?
• In chapter 37, she references astrology and hand writing. I find this to be the most problematic section and probably what made me give this 2 stars instead of 3. Like I get if you find astrology and hand writing interesting but there's no science behind it but also there is no connection between hand writing analysis to Buddhism. I'm not Buddhist, nor an expert but again, if you were going to use Buddhism in a book title, I would like to think the author could have made an effort to show some respect to this religion and try to reference concepts from Buddhism.
• There is a glaring contradiction in her book. She writes in chapter 11 about how she finds problematic the magical thinking promoted by many new-age circles where you imagine your partner and then "send it to the universe." I agree with her here but she contradicts herself in chapter 15 where she asks people to create a description of the kind of partner you want. She clearly advises people to spend time imagining the partner and what life would be like with them. If that's not magical thinking, what is? You can't possibly imagine what the right person will be like. All you can do is focus on being a quality person. I find imagination can become dangerous if done too much because it can lead to people creating these fantasies of what they think the right person will look like. Sometimes they only do that because on some level they feel fear of getting close to someone or some other reason and imagining their ideal partner makes them feel good but it doesn't actually help them confront their fears or hang-ups or whatever to actually improve and find the right partner. Given she references she has a private practice, she just doesn't sound like she's got both feet on the ground.
• I know there are actual couple researchers out there who actually take a scientific approach to understanding how to create and maintain a healthy relationship. This author really just doesn't get that. Maybe the research was new when she wrote this but this book is lacking in its acknowledgement of this type of research.
Pros
• I liked the self-reflection questions she has in the book. She also lists some in chapter 18 on making peace with your parents.
• What I think is probably the most useful concept in the book is her reference to Tonglen meditation in chapter 32. I don't know why she uses the spelling Tonglin but most places I've seen this word uses 'e'. Anyways, not a big issue. I've practiced Tonglen and find it's a really helpful practice. Basically the instinct is to push the bad and only take in the good but with Tonglen, the practice is the opposite; breathe in the bad, scary, etc. and breathe out positive energy. Tonglen basically is about teaching you to accept reality, instead of denying the pain that exists in the world. I think this idea of acceptance is core to any relationship or friendship because we have to learn to apply it to others and to ourselves because we aren't perfect. We don't try to change people or force ourselves to change. Change will happen anyways and doesn't require force or strain.
• This relates to another chapter where she talks about the importance of confronting ourselves and not the other person. This relates to stuff I've read in the past about using "I" statements instead of saying "You" because the person might see that as criticizing or attacks so using "I" statements is more about taking some ownership of what is going on internally.
• Early on in the book (chapter 4), she does say that it's harder for people to allow love into their life and they would rather be in painful relationships. I find this relatable as people seem to be afraid to be alone and are really desperate.
• I do like how in chapter 9, she calls out writers like John Gray and Patricia Allen (since this was published in 1999, these were the famous relationship writers out there at the time. I do wonder if she wrote that as an ego thing to take them down a notch) for basically promoting dating advice that reinforces the false core. She references other dating writers that she likes that promote authenticity. Some of the writers she doesn't like she says make the relationship between men and women sound like parent-child and not one of equal partners. I've read a lot of dating books back in the day and I can agree with this. It's embarrassing that people promote this false idea that the man works and takes care of the woman and all women have to do is sit and let the man do all the work. Sure in the beginning that is fine because that's what courtship is. Author doesn't say this but my belief is that courtship process is not the same as being in a relationship where men aren't expected to do "all the work." Relationship dynamics changes and evolves over time and that's normal.
Cons
• Kasl references Stephen Wolinsky a lot in her book. She referenced his book "The Tao of Chaos: Essence and the Enneagram." I'm not sure how many workshops she's attended but she also references things he's said in these workshops. Apparently Wolinsky was a follower of a deceased Hindu guru, Nisargadatta Maharaj so not sure why she is referencing him so much when he actually doesn't have much of a Buddhist background. Is it because Hindu hasn't become marketable yet but Buddhism is?
• In chapter 37, she references astrology and hand writing. I find this to be the most problematic section and probably what made me give this 2 stars instead of 3. Like I get if you find astrology and hand writing interesting but there's no science behind it but also there is no connection between hand writing analysis to Buddhism. I'm not Buddhist, nor an expert but again, if you were going to use Buddhism in a book title, I would like to think the author could have made an effort to show some respect to this religion and try to reference concepts from Buddhism.
• There is a glaring contradiction in her book. She writes in chapter 11 about how she finds problematic the magical thinking promoted by many new-age circles where you imagine your partner and then "send it to the universe." I agree with her here but she contradicts herself in chapter 15 where she asks people to create a description of the kind of partner you want. She clearly advises people to spend time imagining the partner and what life would be like with them. If that's not magical thinking, what is? You can't possibly imagine what the right person will be like. All you can do is focus on being a quality person. I find imagination can become dangerous if done too much because it can lead to people creating these fantasies of what they think the right person will look like. Sometimes they only do that because on some level they feel fear of getting close to someone or some other reason and imagining their ideal partner makes them feel good but it doesn't actually help them confront their fears or hang-ups or whatever to actually improve and find the right partner. Given she references she has a private practice, she just doesn't sound like she's got both feet on the ground.
• I know there are actual couple researchers out there who actually take a scientific approach to understanding how to create and maintain a healthy relationship. This author really just doesn't get that. Maybe the research was new when she wrote this but this book is lacking in its acknowledgement of this type of research.
Pros
• I liked the self-reflection questions she has in the book. She also lists some in chapter 18 on making peace with your parents.
• What I think is probably the most useful concept in the book is her reference to Tonglen meditation in chapter 32. I don't know why she uses the spelling Tonglin but most places I've seen this word uses 'e'. Anyways, not a big issue. I've practiced Tonglen and find it's a really helpful practice. Basically the instinct is to push the bad and only take in the good but with Tonglen, the practice is the opposite; breathe in the bad, scary, etc. and breathe out positive energy. Tonglen basically is about teaching you to accept reality, instead of denying the pain that exists in the world. I think this idea of acceptance is core to any relationship or friendship because we have to learn to apply it to others and to ourselves because we aren't perfect. We don't try to change people or force ourselves to change. Change will happen anyways and doesn't require force or strain.
• This relates to another chapter where she talks about the importance of confronting ourselves and not the other person. This relates to stuff I've read in the past about using "I" statements instead of saying "You" because the person might see that as criticizing or attacks so using "I" statements is more about taking some ownership of what is going on internally.
• Early on in the book (chapter 4), she does say that it's harder for people to allow love into their life and they would rather be in painful relationships. I find this relatable as people seem to be afraid to be alone and are really desperate.
• I do like how in chapter 9, she calls out writers like John Gray and Patricia Allen (since this was published in 1999, these were the famous relationship writers out there at the time. I do wonder if she wrote that as an ego thing to take them down a notch) for basically promoting dating advice that reinforces the false core. She references other dating writers that she likes that promote authenticity. Some of the writers she doesn't like she says make the relationship between men and women sound like parent-child and not one of equal partners. I've read a lot of dating books back in the day and I can agree with this. It's embarrassing that people promote this false idea that the man works and takes care of the woman and all women have to do is sit and let the man do all the work. Sure in the beginning that is fine because that's what courtship is. Author doesn't say this but my belief is that courtship process is not the same as being in a relationship where men aren't expected to do "all the work." Relationship dynamics changes and evolves over time and that's normal.
January 28, 2020
I've read some other What Would Buddha Do type books by other authors, and enjoyed them. This one was kind of a mish mosh, with more of a general New Age spiritual perspective rather than being focused specifically on taking a Buddhist approach to contemporary problems-- the author mentions Sufism, Quakerism, and something called Quantum Psychology as her other influences.
I do appreciate the way she stressed the value of being authentic, and I liked the quotes from Rumi and Kahil Girbran. The author is a couples therapist, and some of the things that she had to say were useful. But too much of it was vague, and there was too much emphasis on perfection. She also had a chapter on numerology and astrology, and even though it was only one short chapter out of 49, that did undercut her credibility for me.
I do appreciate the way she stressed the value of being authentic, and I liked the quotes from Rumi and Kahil Girbran. The author is a couples therapist, and some of the things that she had to say were useful. But too much of it was vague, and there was too much emphasis on perfection. She also had a chapter on numerology and astrology, and even though it was only one short chapter out of 49, that did undercut her credibility for me.
April 21, 2021
"If the Gullible New Age 21st Century Person Dated"
The title is deceptive as it gives the impression of focusing on a Buddhist perspective or as main inspiration but that's not the main idea. This book contains a mish mash of pseudo science and new age talk like energy vibrations, asking the universe for manifestation, horoscopes, reiki, etc. It contains a small portion of buddhism and it is heard to stay interested with all the new age talk. While I have no doubt the author earned her Ph. D. It has always bothered me when such titles show up in the covers of books full pseudo science and new age unproven claims (yes, I'm looking at you Deepak Chopra). If you wanna read on some Buddhist or mindfulness related authors that touch on the subject I'd recommend Pema Chodron, Sharon Salzburg, Mark Epstein, Jack Kornfield, etc.
Avoid this book
The title is deceptive as it gives the impression of focusing on a Buddhist perspective or as main inspiration but that's not the main idea. This book contains a mish mash of pseudo science and new age talk like energy vibrations, asking the universe for manifestation, horoscopes, reiki, etc. It contains a small portion of buddhism and it is heard to stay interested with all the new age talk. While I have no doubt the author earned her Ph. D. It has always bothered me when such titles show up in the covers of books full pseudo science and new age unproven claims (yes, I'm looking at you Deepak Chopra). If you wanna read on some Buddhist or mindfulness related authors that touch on the subject I'd recommend Pema Chodron, Sharon Salzburg, Mark Epstein, Jack Kornfield, etc.
Avoid this book
May 13, 2012
This is a wonderful little book that I probably never would have been searching to read. I only read it because a friend, in passing, brought it to a class to lend it to someone, found that said friend already had it, and looked at me to say, "Hey! You actually might like this!" It was exactly what I needed and not because I was looking for someone to date. It offered little pearls of wisdom along with gentle reminders about how to stay on our own path and stay true to ourselves should we enter into a relationship. It's really about being our best self and then attracting that into our life. It's a quick read and one that deeply resonated with me. I loved it!
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