How Not to Act Old: 185 Ways to Pass for Phat, Sick, Hot, Dope, Awesome, or at Least Not Totally Lame

by Pamela Redmond Satran

How to be cool when you're afraid you've forgotten how . . .

Sure, you can try to stay younger by exercising, coloring your hair, and wearing stylish clothes—but how do you respond when someone asks, "Do you Twitter?" How Not to Act Old gives you simple ways to come back from over the hill and to act as young as you look.

Covering everything from old-people entertainment (cancel that dinner party!) to old-people communication (it's called a "voice mail," not a "message," and no one leaves or listens to them anyway), Pamela Redmond Satran decodes the behaviors, viewpoints, and cultural touchstones that separate you from the hip young person you wish you still were. This irreverent guide is essential for anyone who doesn't want to embarrass their kids—or themselves.

Genres: Humor, Nonfiction, Self Help, Adult

171 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2009

About the author

Pamela Redmond Satran is the author of 20 books, both fiction and non-fiction. Her most recent novel, The Possibility of You, is written as Pamela Redmond and published by Simon & Schuster's Gallery Books. A New York Times bestselling humor writer, she has a new humor book, Rabid: Are You Crazy About Your Dog or Just Crazy?, due out from Bloomsbury in September 2012. She is the creator with Linda Rosenkrantz of the million-visitor website Nameberry, based on the 10 books on baby names they coauthored. Satran also writes The Glamour List column and contributes to The Huffington Post and The Daily Beast.

Reviews

[Robin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Since I gave this five stars, I just had to add it to my best list even though it's a trivial piece of fluff--but oh so fun...

I’ve never thought of myself as acting old, but after reading this book I’ve decided there are a few things I must stop doing so as not to act my age:

*Stop wearing a watch (aack, how can I live without my Casio??)
*Stop making references to Seinfeld jokes (not that there's anythong wrong with that!)
*Stop bringing goodies to work (with apologies to my co-workers)
*Stop thinking that Paul McCartney is still the “cute” Beatle (sad to say he really isn't that cute anymore...)
*Stop drinking cosmos (but, but, these are so good!)
*Toss the turquoise cotton sweater (but hopefully not the chic aqua scarf)
*Trade reading mysteries for graphic novels
*Stop waking up before the sun rises and stop loving fall

Here’s what I need to be doing:

*Waxing (everywhere!)
*Instead of saying “Awesome!”, saying “Groovy!”
*Saying a subdued enthusiastic “Yay!” (with a very small happy dance) when something goes my way.
*Wearing a thong (and I don’t mean flip flops)
*Traveling to Tuscany, Berlin, Viet Nam… (Tahoe isn’t addressed but I’m sure it’s “old”)
*Learning to Grind

Needless to say this book was a lot of fun and while I may not do *everything* required not to appear old, I can at least be aware of what is obviously aging. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to learn to text with my thumbs…

[Cyndi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some funny parts to this book of what not to do if you don’t want to show your age. Golf, pot roast, motorcycles and cosmopolitans are for the middle aged. Also middle aged men grow giant pumpkins. Huh. Who knew? 🤷🏼‍♀️
Cute book with a few chuckles.

[Christine Wallbom · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was really fun to read before my birthday :)

[Kathleen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was written by a friend of my friend and she brought it down to me in CR while on vacation last week. I dont think she originally intended to give it to me but after spending a week with me, as she left for the airport she handed it to me and told me I HAD to read it. I didnt know what she was talking about until I opened it up and had a good belly aching laugh at myself realizing that I was unknowingly trying to be hip but not pulling it off at all!

This book is hilarious! I read it cover to cover in an hour - the pages are in list format, short quips, quotes and anecdotes. I dont even have a teenager watching my every move, but I do have a six year old who will soon be mortified by her 46+ year old mom trying to act cool. (am I "old" when i say that?!) If you get a kick out of yourself like I do - peel back the pages on this quick read and get ready to laugh. I especially love the chapter on how to dance and not look old. I now know not to say "hooked up" or "let's hook up later". If you've got pre-teens in the house call me and borrow this - it's yours and you will thank me after you stop laughing and peeing your pants.

[Lauren · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Does that mean that, in the interest of not acting old, you should use the f-word more liberally? I find it pretty fucking expressive, myself...though I can never say it without flinching just a little bit."

Things That Make Me Old (in Comparison to People My Age/My Generation):
(1) My unironic and undying love for the Golden Girls, Lifetime, and Jeopardy.
(2) Staying in and treating myself to a--gasp!--cleaning session.
(3) Being ready for/excited about retirement.

Things That Make Me Old (According to This Book):
(1) The f-word. I have no problem writing it or thinking it, but when it comes to actually saying it... I still flinch a little.
(2) Referring to people younger than me as "like, twelve" because they are.
(3) Using cruise control. Hey, whatever keeps me from getting a ticket. No looking down and realizing I'm going 90 in a 65.

[Manintheboat · Rating 2 out of 5]

The thong on the cover is a man's banana hammock. Not a ladies undergarment.

I'm 28 and it was difficult to tell if she is tongue-in-cheek or not.
Perhaps because I am not "old" but neither the age she is looking to emulate.

She leaves out that young people do things other than Rock Band, sports, and shop. The young people banded together and voted in Obama, we volunteer, many knit and sew and yes, garden (I have a giant pumpkin plant). We make art, travel internationally, and aren't afraid of the Asian grocery store.

The way to be "not totally lame" is to have a life outside of the traditional stay-at-home-mom and job. To do things that are not "totally lame." To be awesome, you must do awesome. Volunteer, create, act, go have fun, and the young people will respect you.

[Toby · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is both hysterically funny and extremely helpful, although the title is a misnomer. It's more about informing us what we do that makes us look old to others, i.e. leaving a voicemail on someone's phone (and then calling it a message). Another one that resonates with me? #32 Don't be proud of being befuddled by technology. "Use it, or don't use it" the author advises, but don't say things like "I don't understand why anyone would use Facebook instead of e-mail". And I didn't even notice the cover photo until I read the one about not wearing granny underwear! This just might be the book I give my friends as a holiday gift this year.

[Jane · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a clever topic for a book (wish I would have thought of it!) One particular piece of advice that I was 100% in agreement with was the warning: "Don't brag about knowing nothing about email/computers." Some of it was laugh-out-loud funny, but after reading about 3/4 of it, I felt it took on a somewhat desperate tone. You have to wonder whose sense of self is so fragile that they would adopt every practice and habit of younger people.

One piece of advice I won't be adopting is to "not be Republican" as the author thinks that places one in the elderly camp. But it was all in good fun (I think.........)

[Tabi34 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hysterically funny or pathetical sad - especially when I realize that this book was written for me. I'm old. I act old. I think old. I even dance old to old songs sung by old singers. I'm no longer in touch with the lingo of the youth of our country. I'm not hip. I'm Ricky to everyone else's Lucy. - These are things I learned in this book. I'd try to change, to reverse time, but I'm too old and I can't find my glasses to read the bottle of geritol.
Funny book, easy to read. Ocassional foul language.

[Kathryn Bashaar · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is laugh-out-loud funny. I do almost every single thing that this book says not to do, so I guess I act old. But you know what's really sad? What's so bad about acting old? Especially if you ARE old?
When young people act young, old people smile tenderly and know that they'll outgrow it. When old people act old, young people roll their eyes and sigh loudly and impatiently. Young people get their news in sound bytes from Twitter. Old people read our news in depth in a newspaper. I could go on. My point is in some ways it is WAY better to act old.

[Jane · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oh, so funny. My favorite was #41, "muffle the guffaw".

Middle aged ladies out for a good time often laugh way too loudly as if they haven't had this much fun in a long time and may never get the chance again. Note to self: must stop that.

It reminded me of my recent night out with two old friends, I started laughing almost immediately about reading glasses and didn't stop until the end of our 3rd bottle of wine.

[Joanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a funny way to calibrate my weak knowledge of trends. I read it "on the road," often reading exceptional passages to Wes as he drove th RV. Everything from "granny pants," to texting, how to not distinguish oneself as "old."

I learned several stunning and bizarre "facts" which I do not think appropriate to discuss here; but would get a hoot out of discussing it face to face in person!

[Jane · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very funny! And a few good pointers too. The sad part was finding out just how old I have already been acting!

[Deb · Rating 3 out of 5]

cute, silly, fun read. for those of you reviewers taking it seriously...don't. It's supposed to be a goof.

[Sara Goldenberg · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read a lot of her books and she's very funny. I liked it a lot - recommended !!!

[Lenore Kuipers-Cummins · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is all about getting older, "feeling out of the loop", but not wanting to look that way to others. It talks about all of the new "lingo" out there (technological especially), and changing social dynamics. Supposedly this book will suggest to you, the reader, suggestions from entertainment to communication, and everything in between. Things like, " No lame parenting advice", "Don't lust after Paul McCartney", "Forget the sixties nostalgia", "Don't live in a big house and complain about money", "Don't try to be as thin as Twiggy", and so many more.
I guess this book was written for my age group, because I understand so many of the references that she makes, that younger readers may not understand, although if you are under 40 you wouldn't be reading this book anyway.

[MC]

A silly, quick read that provided a brief distraction and made me a bit nostalgic for the early 2010s (when I actually was one of the "young" 20-somethings being referenced) and many of the tropes are from. When I looked up the published date, was not surprised to see it was from 2009. Although I would not put Syria on the "cool" list and was also saddened to see Rudyard Kipling on the "not cool" list. However, some chapters did make me laugh out loud, such as 'don't fear your teen/remote.' If you are a fan of the series Younger, based on the same title novel from this author, you may also appreciate her humor.

[Maurya · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not sure where this recommendation came from, but it had a number of Laugh Out Loud moments for me... probably my favourite was #144 - Don't go thinking that Gut is Normal...

It is an easy weekend read (bit of a brain vacation) where about half the book totally resonated with me, and made me want to read all the way through to see what else she comes up with.

If you get an easy opportunity to read this, I would grab it, but I wouldn't run out looking for the book.

[David M. Carroll · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some good advice that I'll probably ignore

I'm guilty of lots of the things mentioned in this book, probably because I'm quite a bit older than the author. I have no idea who many of the famous people mentioned are but I do know the difference between motorcyclists and bikers. I also know rappers don't have songs, they are just tracks. I hate Rap and HipHop and don't care if it lets you know
I'm an old guy!

[Wes F · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'll give it a 2-1/2 on my Reading Log; not bad, not great. Some good, insightful clues to things that are red flags for oldies. Some I knew about; some were new; some were way beyond my limited American cultural understanding, living overseas for the past 30+ years.

Borrowed from the library; read on my Kindle.

[Theresa Wade · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was actually pretty funny

As long as you read as tongue in cheek humor, it was pretty funny. Especially when you’re old. Like I’m cruising speedily down the late middle age hill about yo hit where they start sending aarp and Medicare packages. Glad I had this book to make me act younger!

[Danyelle La Pookette · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious and helpful

OMG! I laughed so loudly at some parts, but others made me think where I fit in. I'm not as old as the author, but I'm not a member of the evil young. So I am slightly young and slightly old.

Just do what you do, the way that makes you happy. If you are past 50, why do you care, anyway? Wear, eat, say what you want.

I loved the footnotes!

[LizR · Rating 3 out of 5]

The writer is amusing, but halfway through I decided I'd rather act old. I'm at the stage where I do what I want and say what I want and screw what young people will think of me. And God help them if they underestimate me because I'm not young.

[Barbara · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a funny book especially if this book is written about you. Yes I’m old and yes I act old. This was published in 2009 so some facts are outdated no more TiVo, Mapquest, blackberry, and the big one Facebook is the domain of old people.

[Tory · Rating 3 out of 5]

Funny, with some cute insights into the things we do that scream "old." I am setting the bar low, and aiming for "at least not totally lame."

[Fruitbat · Rating 1 out of 5]

If I could give this book no stars, I would.

[Bonnie · Rating 3 out of 5]

A fast funny read. Some good info here.

[Ann Mccormick · Rating 3 out of 5]

I believe I’ll just continue to act old! Some advice was good; a little, funny; most, not something I’d follow!

[David Bradshaw · Rating 3 out of 5]

Omunye - Chopa better dance option

[Nancy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh. Written for people in their 40’s maybe. There were a few funny bits but I wasn’t impressed overall. I KNOW I’m too old to appreciate this book.