Don't Sing at the Table: Life Lessons from My Grandmothers

by Adriana Trigiani

As devoted readers of Adriana Trigiani's New York Times bestselling novels know, this "seemingly effortless storyteller" (Boston Globe) frequently draws inspiration from her own family history, in particular from the lives of her two remarkable grandmothers, who have found their way into all Trigiani's cherished novels. In Don't Sing at the Table, this much-beloved writer has gathered their estimable life lessons, revealing how her grandmothers' simple values have shaped her own life, sharing the experiences, humor, and wisdom of her beloved mentors to delight readers of all ages.

Lucia Spada Bonicelli (Lucy) and Yolanda Perin Trigiani (Viola) lived through the twentieth century from beginning to end as working women who juggled careers and motherhood. From the factory line to the family table, Lucy and Viola, the very definition of modern women, cut a path for their granddaughter by demonstrating moxie and pluck in their fearless approach to life, love, and overcoming obstacles.

Lucy's and Viola's traditions and spiritual fortitude will encourage you to hold on to the values that make life rich and beautiful. Their entrepreneurial spirit will inspire you to take risks and reap the rewards. And their remarkable resilience in the face of tragedy will be a source of strength and comfort.

Trigiani visits the past to seek answers to the essential questions that define the challenges women face today at work and at home. This is a primer, grand-mother to granddaughter, filled with everyday wisdom and life lessons that are truly "tiramisu for the soul" (The Examiner), handed down with care and built to last.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography, Book Club, Italy, Biography Memoir, Family

224 pages, Hardcover

First published November 1, 2010

About the author

Join Adriana Trigiani and the great authors and luminaries of our time on the YOU ARE WHAT YOU READ PODCAST! Available wherever you listen to podcasts: https://linktr.ee/adrianatrigiani

Beloved by millions of readers around the world for her "dazzling" novels (USA Today), Adriana Trigiani is "a master of palpable and visual detail" (Washington Post) and "a comedy writer with a heart of gold" (New York Times). She is the New York Times bestselling author of twenty books of fiction and nonfiction, including her latest, The Good Left Undone- an instant New York Times best seller, Book of the Month pick and People's Book of the Week. Her work is published in 38 languages around the world. An award-winning playwright, television writer/producer and filmmaker, Adriana's screen credits include writer/director of the major motion picture of her debut novel, Big Stone Gap, the adaptation of her novel Very Valentine and director of Then Came You. Adriana grew up in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia where she co-founded The Origin Project, an in-school writing program serving over 2,700 students in Appalachia. She is at work on her next novel for Dutton at Penguin Random House.

Follow Adriana on Facebook and Instagram @AdrianaTrigiani and on TikTok @AdrianaTrigianiAuthor or visit her website: AdrianaTrigiani.com.

Reviews

[Marjanne · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this more than I did. I was expecting (and hoping for) a nice story about the author's grandmothers and what she learned from them. There is some of that, but as the book goes on it kind of turns from memoir into self-help. The author seems to think that if we all just lived more like her grandmothers that the world would be a perfect place. Even worse, nearer to the end the author starts throwing in her own parenting and life opinions in. I am not familiar with the author outside of this book and I was not looking for parenting advice based on her opinion and what she's read (but didn't cite). Meh. I was not impressed.

[Danielle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lucy and Viola were trailblazers of their time. Modern women in a world that was changing faster than most could imagine. In Trigiani’s newest release Don’t Sing at the Table she tells the stories of these two incredible grandmothers that influenced her life. Both from different parts of Italy and transplanted to the United States just in time for the industrial age of factories and US made products. Both Lucy and Viola in their own respects were women of fierce passion and fulfilled lives.

In a matter of pages I was completely drawn in to the story of Viola and Lucy. I’ve never read anything by Adriana Trigiani, but after reading the stories of her grandmothers I want to pick up all of her books. In the past I’ve never been able to find the appeal in lengthy memoirs or even biographies of others, but Trigiani’s telling of the lives of her grandmothers was something completely different. These women were incredible! Both fierce in the way they lived their lives, though they were both quite different. Each was equally compelling and I’ve learned so much in the span of a few days spent reading about their lives.

One of the things I learned through the course of my reading was that Trigiani’s love for these two incredible women could not be categorized. There was no winner between the two grandmothers. Each had qualities that she incorporates into her life everyday and they’ve influenced many of the choices she’s made. Viola was forward thinking, a powerful woman in the world and at home. Lucy was strong and independent despite the loss of her husband early in life. And so much more from each.

Don’t Sing at the Table: Life Lessons from My Grandmothers was such a wonderful read. From the beginning, which starts out as a telling of Viola and Lucy’s incredible (but separate) lives, to the end, which transforms into a summation of tips and advice garnered from them. This was a completely enjoyable read, maybe especially because I’m no longer very close with my grandmother’s but do remember them somewhat in this same light. I’d absolutely recommend this story to anyone looking for an enjoyable read about passionate women and the ways in which you can incorporate their lives into your own.

[Vicki · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't find this book to be very interesting or enlightening. It seemed like a great book for the author to write to share with her family, but I just didn't really care enough to read her thoughts on life. I read it, and although her grandmothers seemed like very great women, I prefer not to read this kind of book. It was well written as are most of Ms. Trigiani's books, but a little preachy. I'm glad I had the opportunity to read this, but I wouldn't recommend it.

[Mary Bruno · Rating 2 out of 5]

I got this book thinking that it would be full of anecdotes of growing up with Italian grandmothers. While this was a good memoir of Trigiani's experience with her grandmothers and an interesting account of the successes of immigrants to the US, it was not the story I expected. I thought at times it was a little preachy and did not have the touching stories of moments spent with relatives that are no longer here.

[Cris · Rating 3 out of 5]

Adriana shares stories of her grandmothers with us. What life was like and what I believe is missing is now. 💛

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

A FANTASTIC read--author Trigiani (Big Stone Gap series, Lucia, Lucia) writes her first nonfiction piece about her two Italian grandmothers and the advice they gave her about life, love, and work.
My own Italian grandmother died 10 years ago, before I graduated from college, and Viola (Trigiani's paternal grandmother) sounds *just* like her. I felt like I was learning from her as I read this. But Italian or not, everyone is going to find something that resonates with them in this gem of a book. A perfect Christmas gift!

[Stacy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an interesting book about two fascinating women. Of course, I don't agree with all of their advice, but they certainly had much to share of value. My favorite from Viola is," Keep illusion on the screen in the local movie house; in life, face facts." My favorite from Lucy is," You only have one reputation. When your good reputation is gone, it's gone." I also enjoyed seeing inspiration for her fiction in her family and those around them.

[Carol Lander · Rating 3 out of 5]

I felt like I was reading about my own experience with my own Italian grandmother! Same era, same traditions, same deep ties to female ancestors.

[Onceinabluemoon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love learning every aspect of her life through her many books. A blueprint to a rich full life.

[Frances · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like a hug from your Grandma! Really enjoyed this book.

[Janel · Rating 3 out of 5]

I heard Adriana speak at two library conferences and enjoyed her stories immensely, but I hadn't read any of her books. Curious to learn more about her and her family, I decided to read this book first.

At first I had a hard time getting into the book and relating to her stories, but as I got further into the book I found a few connections. It turns out her one grandmother grew up & lived 20 minutes north of where I grew up. Both my grandmothers were at one time in their lives seamstresses just like her grandmothers. Her grandmothers were very independent (in their own way) and strong women. I can see how Adriana looked up to them and emulates them in her own life.

The first three chapters were written in a different style than the rest of the book. So much so that I stopped halfway through and went back to the first couple of chapters and made sure I wasn't dreaming it. I liked the little vignettes around a piece of advice from one of the grandmothers better than just straight prose. I can see how in order to fill in the reader on her grandmothers' upbringing straight prose worked the best. Adriana shared how different philosophies she learned from her grandmothers' applied to her own life. At times I felt the "applications" were forced and didn't flow with the rest of the chapter. I appreciated the family photos throughout the chapters as well.

The initial story in the afterword was very touching, but I felt the rest of the afterword again didn't "fit" into the tone of the rest of the book. Maybe I had different expectations for this book. Adriana is a great storyteller, which I knew from the in-person talks I've seen in the past, but I felt the book didn't flow as best as it could have. I would recommend this book to readers that have looked up to their grandmothers and emulated them in their own life.

[Margaret · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've loved Trigiana's work since her fictional Big Stone Gap series, the first of which I pre-ordered because I had lived in the area as a child and couldn't wait to read the book. Her novels always focus on family relationships, but in this book the focus is on her wonderful real-life grandmothers.

Both came from Italy to the U.S. with little education and little money, but learned from their experiences and became fountains of wisdom. They shared that wisdom with the author, in words and actions, and she lives by their teachings long after they've been gone.

The grandmothers were amazing women and I adored their stories. They would have been a 5 star book. Unfortunately toward the end of the book, the author started giving her own advice and I was nearly bored to tears. In her defense, most of her advice is on child rearing and I'm well past that stage of my life. Readers with young children may appreciate those final chapters.

Overall the book is well worth reading and I would recommend it to anyone.

[Andrea · Rating 1 out of 5]

I kept thinking, what's the point? Her grandmothers' lives were interesting, but how were they different from all the other young Italian immigrants who struggled to make it here? I think this book would have been a lot more effective if it were written in novel form and from the grandmothers' points of view. From the author's perspective, it was sort of all over the place, moving back and forth between Viola and Lucy, and I feel that the real lessons that Trigiani was trying to get across were lost.

[Mary Ellen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I won this book from the Goodreads giveaways and can't wait to read it! It was delivered promptly and in good condition. I will let you know what I think when I read it! Thank you Goodreads!

Not one of my favorite books by Trigiani. It was a little slow, but she shows a definite doversity in her writing. I'd like to see another "Big Stone Gap" book.

[Priyanka · Rating 5 out of 5]

The word you're looking for is 'rich' -- in detail, in experience, in lesson, in expression. Cooking tips, success formulas, how to be a good hostess, parenting lessons... you name it, you got it... all packaged together in this delightful read which makes you smile as well as makes you well up and leaves you feeling enriched.
Hope I get to meet you some day signora Trigiani!

[Fran Gerardi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Both my grandmothers originated from Italy. Reading this book reminded me of the values, morals, and traditions I treasure from them both. As with the author's grandmothers they were both very different yet so similar. Thank you Adriana, for bringing my grandmothers back to me and allowing me to relish in their memories once again.

[QueenAmidala28 · Rating 4 out of 5]

She hit the spot right on. Viola and Luciana did well.

The only way you can't give this book 5 stars is if you are a soulless, heartless person with a family to take care of you.

Great stories that I will tell as many people I can. Makes me hope

Yes I took notes and you will too. Families like hers don't exist anymore.

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I went to Adrianas' book signing last night,And had to start reading her new book with my first cup of coffee this morning.I really like her as an author,after meeting her..you can see she love what she does,which makes her so good!!!!!!

[Penny · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's a lovely tribute to the strong people in our lives who make us what we are. After reading the book I felt like I wished I had had the chance to meet Adriana's grandmothers. They were amazing people.

[Nieve · Rating 5 out of 5]

Trigiani, Trigiani, Trigiani. I love her and her grandmothers – Lucia and Viola. Simple and sensible things said in a way that doesn’t make you feel that you are being told this is how you should lead your life. One book that I’ll keep going back to – to revise the life lessons I learnt.

[Emily Garner · Rating 1 out of 5]

I thought the parts about her grandmothers were interesting enough but then she gets preachy toward the end which I hated. Skimmed through the last 40 pages and rolled my eyes a lot. Would never recommend.

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm not going to finish this. Seemed to me to be uninteresting, condescending, and disjointed. Ordinary. And not worth my time.

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'll be honest, I skipped the chapters on child rearing and money (I try not to read anything that deals with those issues), but I really liked the rest of the book.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was great especially remembering my own grandmother and how special she was to me! Thanks for sharing your grandmothers with us!

[Connie D]

I'm jealous of how much Trigiani knew about her grandmothers and how well she knew them. Although I grew up living near one of mine, I sadly never knew the details of her life. I never peered into her past work spaces or really knew what made her tick.

I have to admit I was a little exhausted by how much Trigiani's grandmothers worked and accomplished, but it reminded me how tireless that generation seemed to be, doing so much by hand. Despite the busyness of our lives now, we certainly have more free time. However, one difference is that while our grandmothers were busy with their hands or bodies, they were often still available to talk and share.

Trigiani remembers the smells, the sights, the texture of life around her grandmothers. Those details are just the icing on the true cake, which is what Trigiani learned over time from her grandmothers' actions and words.

This book is full of quotables and life lessons...read it and discover your own.

[Jeanne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Trigiani tells the background stories of her two Italian grandmothers, rounding it out with life lessons.

I confess I was disappointed in this book but I'm going to assume it was a reader problem. I rarely felt emotionally engaged with these two women, especially Lucia. There were moments, especially at the end, where I did with Viola. Trigiani then uses their stories to offer life tips on parenting, wardrobe, relationships, etc. For the most part, it seemed dispassionate.

Just not what I expected. And as I said, that's a reader problem.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

A writers memories of her grandmothers and the life lessons they taught her. Upbeat and enjoyable on its own but also a great book for fans of Trigiani. It was easy to see that she drew on many of her family experiences in her writing. Interesting to see how her grandmonthers informed her life and her writing.

[Patricia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book and also found it kind of dry and a bit preachy. No humor, or not enough.

[Marcy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just loved this book.

[Ellen Read · Rating 4 out of 5]

sweet remembrances of her grandmothers. who have i been so impacted by?