There's No Way I'd Die First

by Lisa Springer

Debut author Lisa Springer delivers a spine-tingling contemporary horror that follows a scary-movie buff as she hosts an elaborate Halloween bash on her family's estate but soon finds the festivities upended when she and her guests are forced to test their survival skills in a deadly party game.

Noelle Layne knows horror. Every trope, every warning sign, every survival tactic. She even leads a successful movie club dedicated to the genre. Thus, who better to throw the ultimate, most exclusive Halloween party on all of Long Island? And with the guest list including the coolest kids in her senior class, her popularity is bound to spike. Hopefully, enough to warrant an expansion into podcasting. Plus, the fact that attractive, singer-songwriter Archer Mitchell is coming is honestly the candy corn on top. Nothing is going to kill her party vibes.

Except...maybe the low-budget It clown she hires to lead a classic round of tag. He's supposed to be terrifying, though in a comforting, nostalgic way. Instead, the guy is giving major creeps. But maybe Noelle's just that good at hosting? Her confidence is immediately rocked when the night's entertainment axes one of her guests. And he's not done yet. If an evil, murderous clown thinks life is a game, then Noelle is ready to play. She's been waiting a long time to prove that she's a Final Girl.

Genres: Horror, Young Adult, Thriller, Mystery, Contemporary, Halloween, Fiction

304 pages, Hardcover

First published September 5, 2023

Reviews

[Elli · Rating 1 out of 5]

you lost me when the clown had a shit in the birkin bag

[cat ♡ · Rating 2 out of 5]

this clown can excuse murder but draws the line at misgendering someone, love an ally

[myo ⋆｡˚ ❀ * · Rating 2 out of 5]

here i am once again disappointed by a ya slasher… who’s surprised? as we all know slashers are my favorite movie and tv subgenre but i just don’t think it translates well in books. for example as much as i love the genre i think most of the time the characters can be severely underdeveloped but you could also argue the point is that they’re stereotypical and you could get away with that.

in books, you have no reason for your characters to be boring and flat. speaking of characters i hated how every character was super rich/social media famous? it was very annoying. i usually hate pop culture references but in slasher books i try to let them slide because the characters is usually a slasher fan.

at first it was cute but once we got to the part where people were dying and she was still comparing everything to slashers i was getting pisses off. this also reminded me of bodies, bodies, bodies which i thought i was going to like because i loved that movie but no… i hated this! i think what hurts the most and that i expected to love it too, my heart is broken!

[Katy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Thanks to Netgalley, Random House Children's, and Delacorte Press for an advanced copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

What to say about this book? I think I should break it down several ways since it's possible this book just wasn't for me. HOWEVER, the writing as also not fantastic and there were inconsistencies in the book. I think I'll make marks of what I liked and didn't like because some of the things that DIDN'T work for me, may be pros for others.

WHAT I LIKED

* The cover
* The premise
* The title
* Talk of horror movies, final girls, Stephen King, and over all classic horror
* The locked room mystery setting
* Lines from different horror movies at the beginning of each chapter

WHAT I DIDN'T LIKE

* The whiny rich kids who (with the exception of two characters) are all uber rich. Think rich as in the one percenters. They're also all influencers. Oh, and did I mention they're all not just rich, but also entitled and whiny? Blech. I know it's YA so there will always be some teen angst, but these kids are so unrelatable and need to see the real world. The killer clown wasn't wrong in some things he said about them.

* The killer clown seems to have super human strength and speed. At one point it's mentioned he was wearing protective gear on his chest. Okay, that part is covered. That doesn't explain how nothing, ever, slows him down. Or, how nothing else hurts or phases him.

* Even after finishing the book, I'm still confused how the clown knew the entire layout of the house. To prep the house as he did without Noelle and her friends noticing while they were partying and watching a movie before playing hide-and-seek would have taken a crazy amount of time to prep. Yes, we know he was there previously to break some things since Noelle notices these as soon as she gets home from school. But so much other stuff needed prep work. When did he do it? How did none of them notice?

* Where did she hire this clown? I assumed he hacked her computer and saw she hired a clown, but no. It seems she hired this guy. How the heck would he know she would want to hire a clown for a Fright Night and pick him? I suppose it could have been mentioned in a Jump Scares chat since that's where a lot of info was gleaned, but that's my best explanation.

* The twist wasn't really a twist. There was the obvious red herring. Then there were two logical guesses from there, but unless the writing of this book were to drop off a bunch, one of them would make no sense after a certain point since there would have been no time fame for the person to do what they were doing.

* I know it's horror and this is a classic horror trope, but really? Once the first victim died, the remaining eleven people didn't decide to gang up on this clown? That scattered to play hide and seek?! Not even you, our main character who KNOWS she would be a Final Girl and legit has a "go bag" packed in her bedroom in case a scenario like this plays out in real life? You play into the trope of being stupid and not rushing this guy who tells you he will kill you all?! There is also all this downtime where the group of teens are just talking to the clown. They could be hiding, trying to escape, or rushing him, but nope. Just standing in front of him.

* The reason for the killing spree. I saw it coming from the beginning and never saw any other motive along the way, but really? Especially when one killer vocalizes the reasoning? Get out of here. * The frequent mentioning of needing an alibi so the police don't put the killing spree on you. For real? This is your number one concern when there are still 10 people left living? You have 9 people to give you an alibi! If you're worried about corrupt police, you're all so upper crust elite, I'm sure one of your friends has parents friends with the Chief of Police or Mayor and they'll make sure you're vouched for.

* I mentioned the stupidity of the teens, but also, the clown. There is so much talking and nothing happening. When they're all just standing there why doesn't he take them down? Is that too bland?

* There would be drafts like windows are open, but then the windows are sealed shut. The windows won't break because of a special coating the main character knows is on the windows. Later, the windows can be broken?

* The name of the clown: Gage Derry. The name itself is fine. It's the end of the book when they say knowing the Stephen King reference makes someone a Stephen King one percenter. Are you for real?! Almost anyone who has read more than one Stephen King novel knows about infamous Derry. I'll admit I didn't pick up on Gage right away, but as soon as I heard his name I liked the nod to Stephen King with Derry. It wasn't until later I was wondering where Gage came into play since I assumed it was also a nod to some work of horror. I later did think of Pet Semetary, but I also figured it could have been a nod to a character in a horror film I haven't seen. Even if your mind doesn't go to Pet Semetary, I don't think this would be *shocking* to a Stephen King fan. That little bit just really added to the uppity attitude of these kids and it wasn't for me.

* The setting. The house was so confusing and needed a bit more world building. I never had any clue where any part of the house was. At one point our main character is hiding in a nook under the stairs. She seems to be able to see what the clown is doing so I assume it's a nook and doesn't have a door. But then it says she opens the door. Is the door glass? If so, why didn't the killer clown see you? If it's not, how were you seeing what was going on?

* The romance. I wasn't buying their chemistry. Or how long they've both been into each other, but have never hung out before. I'm also one who prefers romance be left out of action and horror movies and books so maybe I'm extra bias on that. :P

Overall, this book just wasn't for me, but I could see others enjoying it. By no means let me review deter you if you read this and think to yourself, "But this sounds fun! Why didn't you like that?!" That's just not what I like, but I can see the appeal for others.

I think, for me, this would work better as a movie as it would move a lot faster. The entitled teens may still annoy me, but overall, I think I would appreciate it better as a movie.

[destiny ♡ howling libraries · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this more than I did, but... UGHHHH I hated the characters and the writing and the twist in this book so much.

I try to be lenient with characters in YA books because I'm clearly not the target age for them anymore, but I don't think any amount of leniency could make me stop rolling my eyes at these spoiled rich kids.

Our narrator is supposed to be really legit and we're clearly intended to empathize with and enjoy her as a character, but she's deep in the 1% and is so stuck in her own bubble that she's literally running around dwelling on how she can ensure the best possible alibi and how guilty she'll feel for shoving the new love of her life into the killer's arms if it comes down to it. 💀 She thinks of herself as better than 90% of the side characters, but most of them were a lot more enjoyable than she was.

And then there's the killer, who I could rant about for a while, but if I did, I'd have to spoiler-mark the whole review and I don't like doing that. Instead, I'll just say that I saw his motive coming a million miles away and kept hoping I was wrong, but... 💀

Oh! I have to mention the romance, too, and the fact that it shouldn't have even been included in this book. One thing I liked about the story was how quickly it jumped into the gore and action, but that meant there wasn't any room at all to build up these characters or make me care about any of them, which made the romance subplot feel unnecessary and forced. If you're going to include this much romance in a horror novel, there needs to be an initial investment made into the buildup of the relationship, and that wasn't happening here.

Finally, I have to rant a little about the endless pop culture references. I don't mind references in books when they're done well (one of my favorite books of all time is My Heart is a Chainsaw by Stephen Graham Jones, who absolutely nailed those), but many of the ones made in this book were crammed in without fitting the context. At some point, it becomes less of a way to connect with the reader and more of a way to say "hey, look at how many popular horror movies and YA books I can name-drop in one book, wink!"

Of course, I have to throw in the disclaimer that the book isn't all bad and it offers room to have some interesting conversations, like the intersectionality of privileges and disadvantages (i.e. how a cut-off white kid may still be looking at a brighter, easier future than a wealthy Black kid)... but sadly, those tidbits were overshadowed by what boiled down to an extremely unenjoyable slasher with mediocre writing, poor pacing, and a twist that feels sinister in all the wrong ways. 2 stars only because I can't bring myself to 1-star a YA horror debut when I'm not in the YA audience anymore.

I read a final copy borrowed from the library, but for the sake of disclosure, I was also sent an early review copy by the author/publisher. All thoughts are honest and my own.

✨ Representation: Noelle is Black, multiple side characters are BIPOC, one side character is nonbinary and uses they/them pronouns

✨ Content warnings for: violence, gore, murder, vomiting, defecation, torture, forced eating of non-food items, poison, stalking, racism, misogyny

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[Soledad · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wasn’t expecting a masterpiece. I knew since the book started that I wouldn’t get another The Weight of Blood (by Tiffany D Jackson), but I kept reading because I craved Halloweenie vibes and I was waiting for the “creative kills” another review here had praised. But holy shit was this book disappointing. The characters are caricatures of Twitter Discourse and not in the fun way ala Bodies Bodies Bodies. The villain was terrible - he was not clever or scary. He spent too much time talking and there was no menace to him. There were several parts where he just stood there monologuing and the characters just stood there listening. The main character was frustrating in that she seemed utterly incapable of acknowledging that she’s rich.

I kept reading despite getting bored midway through and then that ~ R E V E A L ~ happened. The clown? He’s the “far left.” Yep, you heard that right, he’s a leftist who’s mad at the rich kids for dumb reasons. The narrator said he was a part of the “Liberation bloc” and that they were far left extremists. And I’m just like, “Wait, are you talking about antifa and the black bloc??” The people who put themselves physically in front of cops during protests to protect vulnerable protesters? The ones who went face to face with literal Nazis?? Those are the people you’re villainizing? Like I get that’s what centrists do, but w o w. It reads like the author was mad about the Bernie “bros” “sabotaging” Hillary Clinton’s election and then wrote this mess, and making it out like they’re all white men and that the class consciousness isn’t all that important. (But then again maybe I should’ve realized when the clown respected a non-binary person’s pronouns. He may be homicidal but he’s also an ally ~) And then there is the reveal that the clown is also racist, trying to make it seem that leftists care more about classism than racism, when in actuality leftists know that classism and racism are literally intertwined. Like does this author know that leftists also go to BLM protests? And why would a Marxist anarchist give a shit about a bunch of teens??

Anyway the social commentary sucked. It was like The Hunt (2020), but with liberals vs leftists instead of liberals vs conservatives. I don’t understand why I was supposed to be on the rich kids’ side. Like sure they shouldn’t die just because they’re dumbass children failing upwards, but they’re also really annoying with the emotional depth of a toothpick. And I guess we were supposed to root for the main character because she was a black girl breaking strides in the horror sphere, but really she was just in it for her own ambition. Like boohoo, I asked my daddy to use his connections to land an internship not on my own merit and now I feel guilty. And she thinks she’s not a nepo baby.

Misc thoughts while reading:

—why would someone whose favorite movie is Get Out and care about social justice promote Human Centipede 2 on their twitter??
—she thinks she’s not rich even though she lives in a mansion, has a housekeeper, and is able to call in a favor to get a personalized message from Rihanna
—she‘s a fan of blacksploitation films because it starred and was made by black people, but in actuality most blacksploitation films were written and directed by white men
—she really thinks it’s hard for her to succeed because of all the nepo babies but her DADDY LITERALLY CALLED IN A FAVOR
—I liked the quotes at first but so many times they make absolutely no sense in context of the story??? Like I love Hellraiser but why are you quoting it???
—should have quoted Halloween Kills : “Evil dies tonight!” Lmfao
—not the author being a centrist lmfao


I do like Frank Ocean.

[Shakirah Bourne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was lucky enough to read an early copy of this book, and ... y'all are NOT ready! The writing, the creative kills, the action!!! I can't wait for everyone to read so we can talk about this!

[Chantaal · Rating 3 out of 5]

First of all: this is one of my top favorite book covers of 2023. It's perfection.

Let me say up front that I am aware that at age 38, I am SO not the target audience for this novel. This is squarely set in YA and it feels very much so. I actually have to give Springer a lot of credit for that; her writing feels like this book was actually made to be read by current teenagers, and NOT by adults who read and enjoy YA. It's young and full of Black Gen Z culture.

That is to its credit and also to its detriment, because this book is going to age terribly in a decade. There are very specific references to movies, actors, celebrities, songs, social media trends, etc that feel very fresh and connected right now in 2023, but will probably feel dated in 2043. Though, I can see this being a super fun time capsule of a book to look back on.

As for the story itself, this is PURE HORROR CAMP and I loved that aspect of it. Springer takes no time to get to the meat of the story. You get introduced to the main character, you very quickly meet the stereotypical cast of characters, and I think around the 15% mark on my Kindle is when the first body dropped. It was non-stop action, horror, camp and gore from then on, and it did NOT let up until the last chapter. This book is doing a very specific thing, and it did that thing well. If that sounds to your taste, then this book is loads of fun.

Because it focuses on being a camp slasher from a black girl perspective, it does suffer in terms of the setup and the character work. There is no setup or character work, really. We get a flimsy excuse to get all these kids in one house, we get a flimsy outline of each kid. Somehow all these super rich, semi-famous influencer kids all go to the same rich private school? Sure, okay. I'll suspend my disbelief - but I was working real hard to remind my brain to turn off and just enjoy it. I think that was 38 year old in me talking, and where me not being the target audience didn't help.

Let me reiterate again so there aren't any mistakes in terms of expectations: this is CAMPY HORROR. This is a love letter to slasher films in book form, focused on a black girl perspective. This is Springer's ode to screams and gore and horror tropes. It's absolutely fun and lives up to that expectation, as long as you know that going in.

I'm too old to have enjoyed this more than I did, but for its target audience and what Springer set out to do, it's great fun.

[Sarah (berriesandbooks) · Rating 1 out of 5]

You're telling me you hired a clown that had NO reviews? You are Gen Z. You do not just hire some rando clown of the internet that doesn't have a great rating.

"1 star he tried to kill me and my friends instead of making balloon animals."

Also, I hate rich kid problems.

---------
*literally has a condition that causes seizures if someone/something startles me*

oh yeah i’d totally survive a horror movie

[Stitching Ghost · Rating 2 out of 5]

I get that it was supposed to be a campy slasher and you have to stretch your suspension of disbelief accordingly and while it wasn't the best it was at least generally entertaining until the reveal which sent it downright into the "that shit's stupid" territory. The story reads like something written for younger Gen Z kids by someone who isn't part of Gen Z and Its commentary is not rendered well enough to add to the campiness rather than detract from it.

Noelle, our main character, came across as a shallow and flimsy character. She was self-centered to the extreme even for a teenager, unusual "final girl" indeed but not necessarily one that's easy or fun to root for.

The cover is amazing though, Betsy Cola really did a fantastic job.

[Bri · Rating 3 out of 5]

So that was a wild ride. I'm loving this era of Black girls in thriller books. 80s and 90s horror movies are some of my favorites and it makes me so happy to see Black girls in these kind of iconic scream queen roles!! this book definitely has those classic slasher movies vibes, so if you like that era of horror movies, this might be good for you to read!

There's No Way I'd Die First is a really tense thriller. It kinda gives Bodies, Bodies, Bodies, Scream, and I Know What You Did Last Summer vibes. as a Black reader, I like to know info like this before reading, so I want to also point out that though the MC is Black, her race doesn't have anything to do with the motivations of the killing.

This author is really great at writing action scenes, I think. There's A LOT of action in this book. the killing starts around chapter 5, I believe, and it keeps going really until the end. it is action-packed and there's literally something wild happening every chapter. I will say that some scenes are pretty graphic. There's one scene in particular that really disgusted me and I had to take a moment lol. The main antagonist of this does a lot to these characters and some of them are truly awful. However, there were some moments that genuinely had me laughing because of how ridiculous it was (in a good way). This killer is very reminiscent of Ghostface, so they're pretty funny sometimes and truly despicable other times.

While there was a lot for me to enjoy in this, I ultimately didn't like quite a few things. For one, the romance in this story was interesting. I feel like it's really challenging to attempt romance in the middle of a slasher. it never really feels quite right and it didn't work here for me either. I also wish the twist could've been, well, twistier. I wasn't all that surprised when we found out and, while it did make sense, I just wanted more of that shock, gasp, and awe moment. There were also a lot of moments where I was confused where we were exactly in the mansion (a better grounding of the setting would've been nice). And since 95%ish of this book takes place in the house, sometimes it was confusing getting my bearings on exactly where something was.

Overall, I love horror and thrillers so much, but this one wasn't entirely for me. However, I think this is just a matter of personal taste. I think it's great for spooky season reading, so a lot of people should pick it up especially if you love slashers.

Thanks so much to NetGalley and Delacorte Press for providing an eARC in exchange for an honest review!

[Jennifer Janis · Rating 2 out of 5]

There‘s no way around it…There‘s No Way I‘d Die First by Lisa Springer was not good. I do not like to do negative reviews, but I receive eARCS in exchange for my honest opinion, so here it is. It was bad. The premise of the story is fun enough- Noelle runs the popular horror movie club No Jump Scares and she wants to get her elite high school‘s popular influencers to boost her profile as she introduces a podcast element to her movie club. Noelle plans an elaborate, and super exclusive, Halloween party at her mansion- fantastic catering, glamorous costumes, gory movies, and an instagram-worthy game of tag with a creepy clown. What could possibly go wrong? In Springer’s novel-everything. There are ALL the horror movie tropes. And then there is just plain…confusing “add-in” tropes. There is a level of irreverence towards the slasher movies ala Scary Movie, and a few funny quips and lines, but the line between believability and outright impossibility is crossed fairly quickly. As the bodies pile up, so does the ridiculousness. At one point, the killer Clown (of course, it’s a killer clown!) craps into a Birkin bag in front of Noelle and her crush, Archer. What?! And more importantly, why???? There are times when the killer is just calmly having a conversation with the entire group of kids (more than 8) and they just sit there? I know , I know…one of the main tropes of slasher movies is that people don’t do what they should and you are screaming at the screen to RUN!! But in this case, it just made me want to put down the book. I’m a book finisher, I very rarely DNF a book, but this one almost made it into that rare group. The reveal of who the killer is and why they are butchering these teens is bad, introducing a whole level of non-sense that I think is supposed to make the novel deep. The writing itself was a bit juvenile, and I know it is supposed to be YA but that doesn’t excuse lazy writing and plot-building. Maybe I’m not the target audience, so please take this review with a grain of salt if you are a huge horror fan. This might be for you, but I would not recommend it. I really wanted to like it, as so many of my students love horror, but I was let down. Random rating 2/5. Again, I don’t like negative reviews- just because this wasn’t for me doesn’t mean it won’t hit the spot for someone else. Thanks to @NetGalley and @penguinrandomhouse for the eARC.

[amirahlynn · Rating 1 out of 5]

As a gen z who uses gen z talk, I absolutely hated this. This book and characters are everything annoying with my generation and 2023.I love the horror genre so much and was excited to read this but nope. I may agree politically with topics in this book but I most definitely didn’t want it shoved down my throat in a slasher book. I’m all for the author including the misrepresentation of Black people in horror but the rest of the political stuff in here was irritating. I don’t want to read about NFTS, crypto and words like “snowflake”, “reverse racism”, “anti-facsits”, “anti-capitalism”, “climate change”, “liberals”, “leftist”.. I’m chronically online, I hear it daily. I’ll protest all day for these inequities but I wanted a slasher book to escape through, not have an author’s beliefs front and center. It was the equivalent to religious people trying to make you convert.

Why is this Leftist vs Liberals?? We’re on the same side. We participate at protest, we spread correct information and try to fight for equality, it made no sense. And omg the rich privilege was irritating. I guess I cannot read a book where every character is rich and privileged. These characters had no depth, were awful and not interesting.

THE REVEAL WAS SHIT!!!! The twist and clown’s motives will have you ready to dnf. I want to spoil it so bad but I won’t. Everything besides the gore was disappointing.

Also, Gage the Clown?? Really. Gage… also how am I supposed to be scared of a clown who respects peoples pronouns? There’s a nonbinary character and the instant the clown said their correct pronouns, I knew it was someone close which took the fun out of it

Tw: child death, murder, blood, gore, irritating teens

[Wyatt · Rating 3 out of 5]

This young adult novel really caught my interest amoung the summer ya releases. I’m really happy I had a copy to read and review, a huge thanks to Delacorte Press! I really loved the idea that was presented in the beginning of the book. And I also really loved the premise of the famous horror blogger who is going to start a podcast and is having a big party to celebrate the podcast, and also to get some publicity! When the horror of the book actually started, I was having a hard time following the schemes. When everything started happening, I couldn’t help but think how gimmicky all of the traps were. Sure they were clever but still a little confusing and just straight-up weird. Once again, thank you to Delacorte for a review copy!!

[vee · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF @ 20%

That breathtaking cover is what made me pick up this book but the writing style is what made me put it down.

I read to escape reality so if I wanted to be constantly bombarded by modern day lingo like “selfie,” “mercury in retrograde,” “aka,” “everybody and their mama,” “tiktok” and MANY more, I’d just open social media and call it a day. The writing is juvenile at best and the relentless mention of pop culture references had me cringing from second hand embarrassment.

I’ll admit I’m not a horror movie buff but if I had known there would be these many namedrops of movies and actors, I wouldn’t have bothered reading it in the first place. All of it felt too on the nose and made me hyperaware that I’m reading a piece of fiction. A book should be so good that it sucks you into the story from the get-go and makes you oblivious to your surroundings. This book failed to do that, at least for me, so I was kinda bummed because I had high hopes for it.

The fact that freaking Rihanna makes an appearance was my last straw because it was so comical and ridiculous. I lost interest in the story and its characters after that, which is a shame because this book had so much potential. I liked the focus on classism and racism but the overall execution was disappointing. Most of the characters (including the main character herself) were entitled rich kids with tons of privilege. They were unrelatable and annoying.

Basically, this book didn’t hit its mark and I will be avoiding all future works by this author because her writing style just isn’t for me.

[Cassidy Chivers · Rating 4 out of 5]

The first 50 pages were a bit of a struggle for me. There are defs issues I had with this book. There's a lot of things that don't make sense or add up. A lot of inconsistencies

But honestly I'm reading a slasher for the fun deaths and this was full of them. I loved our killer too I thought he was so ridiculous and funny and that really worked for me.

I also liked the messages that happened within this story about privilage.

[Ali · Rating 4 out of 5]

This epic horror slasher follows Noelle, the president of the horror movie club at school and an upcoming podcast host who knows every trope and every horror movie in existence. Her task? Throwing the most epic Halloween party with her high school's elite influencers to boost her popularity and put her on the map, but all goes wrong when the spooky clown she hired will make her famous in all of the wrong ways...

I LOVED THIS. I LOVEEEEE slasher movies and have been on the hunt for a slasher novel (not extreme horror, though)that will give me that high the movies do and this DID. It was gory in all of the right places and had such creative kills! Whilst the plot was a bit cliche and predictable, that's what makes slashers fun so I enjoyed this so much! It was such a quick read that I couldn't put it down and had a romance that reminisced the Jenna Ortega Scream movies! This is what I WANTED from You're Not Supposed to Die Tonight!

[Nina]

DNF @ 42%.

I find the ideas of a lot of YA horror books alluring but their execution tends to be sooo mediocre even if you’re just looking for some fun. You can’t really have any fun when you’re distracted by poor storytelling. Having a random silly clown be the antagonist and source of horror in this novel was so unserious to me.

[Madi Elizabeth · Rating 2 out of 5]

“That’s for my birkin!”

[Boba Kinda Reviews ( ◜‿◝ ) · Rating 2 out of 5]

First of all, I am in love with this cover and the premise. Second, this is my opinion, adore the cover and the overall story but you'll see what I wrote below are my issues overall.

Noelle is a huge horror/movie buff who lives in a SUPER, like above GOSSIP GIRL-level rich lifestyle and school. She is determined to one-up all of her schoolmates by throwing a party to set off her career to be a bigger influencer/podcaster right before college. Then everything turns to shit with an incoming hired clown and a huge tropical storm.

Now, love the premise, but the pacing and believability were something else. Absolutely would have been a great film. The story shouldn't have started with the party in 30 minutes because you form ZERO bonds with the 10? plus people in this story. Which made it hard to believe in this love story as well. He straight up was described as the guy Archie from Riverdale in my head which is ironic since the LI is named Archer. Every character in this book except Noelle's best 'friends' are mega-rich and influential beyond what any 17-year-old ever could, which made it hard to immerse yourself in this story.


Now back to the pacing, This story starts within an hour of the story, and the book ends at midnight. I guess they had a very early party because the writing made it seem that they were hiding and fighting for their lives until dawn but only a few hours. They even watched a movie before Gage the Clown came. There were so many issues with the windows but there was continuously a scene where an open window was in play but never acted on. This story could have been so much deeper than a name because there was no feeling behind any of these characters and subsequential deaths. After all, the writing for the story started way too late. Like you cannot make me believe this love interest that Noelle doesn't even have his number or hung out with has written one of his best known (he's a teenage superstar BTW) to her, his MUSE. If there was more buildup before this party started, like 2 maybe 3 chapters of her life before it went to shit I could probably add another star but it didn't :(


Clown time! Boy, this was the hardest part to read, yes the gore and horror were very detailed but in no way would this be believable for how detailed Noelle is trying to outmaneuver her villain with her plethora of horror story background and 'GO BAGS" nothing would stop this clown. Literally, even Superman couldn't keep this man knocked out longer than 1 minute. He was smashed on the head, burnt to shit, hands smashed and sliced multiple times, no dice. This man has superpowers to be everywhere and anywhere to keep 10 people corralled at all times the whole story. He even had a bungee cord to kill someone with, side eye. The kick was the author going out of their way to write the LI and the FMC in the closet witnessing Gage shit in her rich purse. It was so unnecessary. Also how huge is this house?? like how are we playing this game for what felt like all night? When he pops up next to an unsuspecting kid it is always hilariously written, like a zombie rising from the grave to slash at a kid when they jump into a boat and drown the next, that tries to save them. Do not get me started on his 'REASON' to kill kids, it's literally unbelievable after this story builds up to it. It made me drop my rating as well.


The pacing, the setting rules to not jump this man immediately (like 10>1 ratio here, he had no gun), the everywhere at once invincible Villain with an OUTRAGEOUS reason to viciously kill everyone, and the lack of character dialogue (unless you count on her and her crush talking since that was half of the book than her talking and sticking with her best friends) disappointed me in the end

[akacya ❦ · Rating 5 out of 5]

2023 reads: 310/350

scary movie-lover noelle wanted to throw the best halloween party ever, but the scary clown she hired to play tag with her friends makes the game way too deadly, and now noelle has to find a way out while her classmates drop like flies around her.

this was my first horror book of october and it did not disappoint! i was on the edge of my seat throughout the book. i thought the motive was pretty interesting though not entirely shocking (don’t worry, many other aspects were plenty shocking). the descriptions of the murders were pretty brutal which, to be fair, is just what i want from a slasher. i highly recommend this book to anyone wanting a thrilling read.

[Victoria Wlosok]

how did i just find out about this book now? i am SO excited for this omg it sounds amazing

UPDATE: I FINISHED IT. OMFG WHAT A WILD RIDE. FULL REVIEW TO COME!!!

[Joey Vich · Rating 2 out of 5]

Unfortunately, I may have to go cold turkey from YA Slashers. The only two YA slashers I’ve read that genuinely scared me and kept me on my toes were Adam Cesare’s Clown in A Cornfield and it’s sequel ( a sequel that I found better than the first.) Both of them read like adult horror. TNWIDF has a fine premise, if not an exact copy cat of A24’s Bodies, Bodies, Bodies. But that’s a good thing ! Except the premise is where the similarities end. We are introduced to our main villain, a “scary” clown. But he’s not scary. And I’m not sure how it’s possible to make a Scary Clown not-scary, but here we are. I suppose we can start by giving him the name “Gage.” Gage the clown. I mean— of all the names to give an evil clown ? Gage ?There’s Pennywise, Art, Friendo, Bozo, Twisty, Laughing Jack, Howdy, Captain Spaulding, Stitches. …Gage ? I could not take the guy seriously. The easiest way to make a clown scary is to make him silent. And that’s what Springer goes for at the beginning. But then Gage The Clown opens his mouth and he’s so mundane and annoying and simple, that he just puts all Clown predecessors to shame.
I usually keep it very light on here, but woof, this one could have been such a perfect Halloween read with a genuinely terrifying main villain. And then we got Gage. But that cover though😍
In all, i liked the Halloween shenanigans. I just couldn’t get behind the characters and our main antagonist.

[Liralen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Me: I don't know what I want to read. Something...light, I guess. Relaxing.

Myself: How about a nice YA horror-movie-inspired romp?

Me: Hmm, that sounds nice. But let's make it a good one, hey? And bonus points for a POC heroine, and survivors who are not all white. And characters who aren't completely miserable assholes all the time.

Myself: I have just the book for you.

I: Guys? Weren't we talking about reading something relaxing...?

Me: Well—

Myself: What's not relaxing about a bit of blood and gore? About not being able to sleep at night? It hits every trope in the book! It'll be fun.

Me: I do enjoy getting the horror-movie experience without having to watch a horror movie. Oh, and without being chased through my own apartment by a madman, of course.

I: ...

Myself: Lots of blood! Lots of violent deaths! Evil baddie who isn't incapacitated even when he should be writhing in pain!

Me: Yeah!

I: THIS IS AS BAD AN IDEA AS GOING IN THE BASEMENT.

Me: Oh, that reminds me. I should check the storage unit in the basement...

I: For crying out—

Myself: Sounds like a plan!

Me: This should be fun.

I: I give up.

[natka_bookish_life · Rating 5 out of 5]

I NEED MORE BOOKS LIKE THIS❤️

[nico · Rating 3 out of 5]

as a lover of slasher films I was very excited about this one, but I was left a little disappointed.

there’s lots of slasher film tropes that sadly don’t translate well into a novel.

[viqwxcs ౨ৎ]

౨ৎ dnf
⤷ js not feeling this book + I don't like the writing style so...

[Katie O’Reilly · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 stars. Mixed feelings. I mostly thought this campy YA horror was cute & entertaining. However there were a few issues that kept it from being thoroughly fun for me.

The first issue is that this book isn't scary at all. Not even a little bit. Maybe it would be scary if you had a deep-seated fear of clowns, and the mere thought of a clown was terrifying. The way the clown was initially described was definitely creepy! It just was not sustained throughout the book.

I see by looking at the other reviews that a lot of people did not like the ending. I, too, did not like the ending.

*SPOILER*

*SPOILER*

*SPOILER*

So the villain is antifa lol. I found this quite cheesy. He wants to kill rich kids because he hates rich people. But damn, I have to say that this clown MADE SOME POINTS. The final exchange between the villain and the main character is so cringey and awful (there is talk of who is and is not an "entitled snowflake").

Overall, it was an enjoyable read, though.

[Andrew James · Rating 2 out of 5]

Wow oh wow, am I disappointed in this one. The cover? The premise? 10/10. The execution, absolutely not. First let’s begin with the characters, a bunch of rich kids who are the “influencers” and “celebrites” of their high school, now I have no problem with those type of people being the main characters of a book. I loved Never Coming Home by Katie Williams and it was basically a similar cast of characters. These characters were either too annoying or not fleshed out enough for anyone to care when they eventually reached their demise. I will say The two most interesting characters to me were Elsie and Taylor. Noelle as a main character was off putting. Her obsession with the idea of being the “Final Girl” was misconstrued. She kept saying Final Girls take care of themselves and there are several points throughout the book where she considers abandoning her friends to achieve the “Final Girl” status. A true Final Girl does not want her friends to get slaughtered, they do anything they can to try to lessen the body count, while eventually she comes to be that way her initial thoughts and feelings make her an unlikable final girl.

Secondly, the setting. I love a good mansion setting, it’s always fun. However, this mansion was written in such a confusing way, you often couldn’t tell where the teens were or were not. I wish the author had included a map of the house or something.

Then, there’s a point after the first killing where the clown basically gathers all of the kids and taunts them. It was 10 to 1 in this scenario. The kids could have overpowered the clown, even if he got two of them there was no way for him to take more that than should they all have teamed up.

Lastly, the “twist” and the motive. I hated the motive behind the killings and who eventually it ended up being was not at all shocking.

Despite my misgivings with this book, there are some things I loved. I loved the quotes from horror movies at the beginning of each chapter. I loved the references to horror movies past. I love the updated twist on the “And Then There Were None…” poems with the Podcast element. Also the kills were graphic and creative in this one. I also loved seeing a black young women being out in the leading role of this slasher. I wish the story just went in a different direction and that Noelle was more likeable.

[Hyzie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was really excited about this, and it was overall a disappointment.
I wish I liked it more. It seemed like I was going to love it. The idea behind it is terrifying. It just wasn't scary. There wasn't enough build-up for me to care about the characters very much (even Noelle, despite her being someone I should absolutely like and it being written in first person) and there was a lot of action, but it wasn't very exciting. And it wasn't scary. How do you make a murderous clown stalking people through a house not scary?
On a super specific note, I don't believe she didn't recognize the name when she got the clown's card. I recognized it immediately and she's supposed to be a huge horror movie buff.
The romance was kind of cute? The author did a good job of making them not get distracted from the murderous clown while still having a few moments.
The inclusion of the horror movie quotes and the general horror movie buff status of the author was a lot of fun, admittedly. Noelle's desire to be the Final Girl was intense and appropriate for someone super into horror movies and she made some clever decisions based on what was going on. Genre savviness is a neat thing to see in a horror novel.
The reasoning behind the attacks and the amount of talking about it was kind of bizarre. There were a lot of talking points made there, and I don't disagree with them (well, obviously I disagree with the clown--murder is kind of a wild reaction to basically anything), but they were doing a lot of talking during that last stretch. A lot more talking than it seems like a murderous clown would be willing to take the time to do. A lot of debating that slowed down the pace and any terror. If it had been spread out more throughout the book it wouldn't have been such a big deal, but throwing it basically all in the ending scene was a strange choice.
I just wish there was more emotion overall. I wanted to care, I wanted to be scared, I wanted to be scared for the characters and I never was.