Networking for People Who Hate Networking: A Field Guide for Introverts, the Overwhelmed, and the Underconnected

by Devora Zack

Devora Zack, an avowed introvert and a successful consultant who speaks to thousands of people every year, found that most networking advice books assume that to succeed you have to become an extrovert. Or at least learn how to fake it. Not at all. There is another way. This book shatters stereotypes about people who dislike networking. They're not shy or misanthropic. Rather, they tend to be reflective—they think before they talk. They focus intensely on a few things rather than broadly on a lot of things. And they need time alone to recharge. Because they've been told networking is all about small talk, big numbers and constant contact, they assume it's not for them. But it is! Zack politely examines and then smashes to tiny fragments the "dusty old rules" of standard networking advice. She shows how the very traits that ordinarily make people networking-averse can be harnessed to forge an approach that is just as effective as more traditional approaches, if not better. And she applies it to all kinds of situations, not just formal networking events. After all, as she says, life is just one big networking opportunity?a notion readers can now embrace.

Genres: Nonfiction, Business, Self Help, Psychology, Personal Development, Communication, Relationships

192 pages, Paperback

First published January 2, 1991

About the author

Devora Zack is a nationally recognized expert in the field of leadership development. Her consulting, networking strategies, seminars, corporate retreats, coaching, and strategic plans consistently result in improved productivity and morale.

Ms. Zack consults to dozens of diverse organizations in private industry, federal agencies, and the public sector.

Ms. Zack holds an MBA from Cornell University where she was a full-tuition merit scholar. Her BA, magna cum laude, is from University of Pennsylvania's Annenberg School for Communication. She is honored with active memberships in Phi Beta Kappa and Mensa.

Reviews

[Sergei_kalinin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Я - интроверт. Интроверт в квадрате, в кубе, в десятой степени - мега-интроверт!

Я долго ждал подобную книгу. Я приобрёл и прочитал её, как только подвернулась возможность... И что? Я разочарован :( Я СИЛЬНО разочарован :(((

Начнем с "плюсов".

1) Моё первое высшее образование - психология. Что такое "интроверсия" я знаю ОЧЕНЬ хорошо :) Но вот книг, где было бы очень хорошо, понятно, с юмором и доходчиво описано, кто такой этот самый "интроверт" мне до сего момента не встречалось...

И вот, о чудо! - теперь есть такая книга! Сразу уточню - в книге очень хорошо описана именно социальная сторона интроверсии. Т.е. то, как ведут себя интроверты в социальных ситуациях, имеющих отношение к установлению контактов, завязыванию деловых связей, общению в формальных ситуациях и т.п. В книге также есть аналогичное описание экстравертов.

По сути дела книгу можно рассматривать как очень толковую "инструкцию по применению" :) Экстраверты из неё получат полезные сведения о том, как им лучше общаться с интровертами (и наоборот).

2) Основное содержание книги, если можно так выразиться, - "психотерапевтическое". Автор с многократными повторами разъясняет простую мысль: "Интроверты - будьте собой! Нет смысла переживать из-за того, что вы плохо играете в игру, придуманную экстравертами и для экстравертов - т.е. в нетворкинг! Не ломайте себя, не идите против своей внутренней природы!"

Пожалуй, у автора это (приободрить интровертов) получается хорошо :) Но что книга даёт конкретно, кроме общего утешения? :)

3) Автор предлагает "нетворкинг в стиле интровертов" (как альтернативу обычному нетворкингу, придуманному экстравертами). Т.е. предлагает использовать такие способы установления новых связей, которые соответствуют психологии интровертов.

Ключевых идей "нетворкинга для интровертов", предлагаемых автором, на самом деле немного:

- качество вместо количества (не пытайтесь установить 30 связей; пусть их будет 3, но более тесные)

- участвуйте в структурированных мероприятиях (интровертам проще устанавливать связи в группах, где есть фиксированные роли, и деятельность самой группы регламентирована)

- управляйте энергетикой общения (интровертам необходимо одиночество в качестве подзарядки до и восстановления после общения; паузы в процессе общения и т.д.)

...ну, м.б. ещё парочку можно выделить ;) Специально всё не пишу - читайте книгу!

Теперь "минусы".

1) В книге как бы ОЧЕНЬ много конкретных "мелких" советов по нетворкингу. Вроде такого: "Во время вечеринки займите позицию возле столика с закусками. Тогда мимо вас пройдут все, и вы сможете начать разговор с кем угодно".

Эти советы банальны, кочуют из книги в книгу, и могут быть полезны лишь начинающему нетворкеру :( Кроме того, в них нет абсолютно никакой специфики "для интровертов" :(

2) Автор приводит очень много примеров "из личного опыта". Это вроде бы и хорошо, но здесь очень важно понимать, что любой чужой опыт лжёт! Лжёт в том смысле, что за кадром всегда остаются какие-то вещи, которые самому носителю опыта могут казаться совершенно второстепенными, но на самом деле они очень важны.

Автор книги работает консультантом, бизнес-тренером и преподавателем. Т.е. она находится в социальном пространстве, максимально насыщенном контактами, встречами, общением. Причём она активно перемещается в этом пространстве. И большинство её встреч структурированы, и она в них играет чёткую роль.

Т.е. автор является успешным интровертом-нетворкером не столько благодаря применению каких-то особых приёмчиков "нетворкинга для интровертов", сколько жизненному контексту, образу жизни. Получается, что главное условие успешности "нетворкинга для интровертов" - радикальное изменение образа жизни? Ну, и где об этом в книге?!?!?

Это я всё к тому, что автор недоговаривает :( И много чего недоговаривает...

3) В книге запрятано и более серьезное противоречие... Главная идея классического нетворкинга: чем БОЛЬШЕ связей мы установим, тем успешнее и эффективнее будет в достижении наших жизненных целей.

Главная идея "нетворкинга для интровертов": чем МЕНЬШЕ (но качественнее) связей мы установим, тем успешнее мы будет в достижении жизненных целей.

В чём проблема? Очевидно, что успешное достижение жизненных целей в условиях БОЛЬШОГО и МАЛОГО количества связей требуют разных стратегий / способов "задействования" (использования, актуализации и т.д.) этих самых связей.

Вот об этой самой специфике - в книге тоже ничего нет :(

Резюме: слабая "троечка". Для понимания интроверсии, и для повышения самооценки интровертов - книга хороша! А вот именно в плане "нетворкинга для..." - слабовато :(

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

The subtitle on this book indicates it's "A Field Guide for Introverts, the Overwhelmed, and the Underconnected". I think it would also be extremely useful for extroverts, which the author says at least once. It talks about the stereotypes of both and is a good lesson on being aware there exists more than one type of personality and the traits of either do not always indicate discourtesy or unkindness.

Many things in this book were no surprise to me - I already seemed to know a lot intuitively (Like, giving yourself time to recharge and not taking on too much at once), but the author put everything in very basic "duh!" terms that served to finally give voice to my intuition.

One problem I had with this book was even though the author said introverts (and centroverts, hello me!) need to play to their strengths, there were the usual networking tips that are always recommended for extroverts (have your spiel ready and be prepared at all times to give it). Which I find weird and uncomfortable.

But my main problem with this book is I still don't really know what networking is. I'm so out of touch with that kind of world, probably due to introvert tendencies. Apparently, there are events you pay to go to to network. What? What the heck are those? How do they work? Do I need to look for a certain kind of networking event? Who attends these things?

[CJ · Rating 4 out of 5]

My boss told me that I needed to be able to "work a room". Being an introvert, I was somewhat dismayed and then switched into my regular mode - "there must be a book for this". There is and I was lucky enough to find it quickly. Zack's premise is that networking can work for those of us who feel a cold sweat coming on when just thinking about walking into a business "party".

I had to attend a work conference while I was reading the book and actually did use some of the techniques offered. I concentrated on meeting only 1 or 2 people per day during the event and actually making a connection with them. It was a little tricky as I attended with an extroverted colleague, but I made the most of it and feeling like it was a success. I definitely felt less stress and didn't stand on the sidelines the entire time.

I even bought another copy to give out to similarly introverted colleagues. I didn't want to have to give up my own copy.

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well, even though this book is a decade old, and I kinda expected it to be a little dated, it turned out to be interesting. Nothing earth-shatteringly knew, but I liked how the author dissects different personality types (focusing on introverts) and then gives ideas of how one can be more social. It’s a good beginner’s guide but leaves a lot to be desired to be really effective.

[Marya · Rating 3 out of 5]

The good news- the central premise in this book is that introverts (and some centroverts - Huzzah! The world isn't black and white!) can be successful at networking by playing to their strengths. Going to an informal cocktail hour? Worst suggestion for an introvert EVER. Pre-registering for a conference and volunteering (to give the introvert a specific role to assume) is much more likely to get results. Zack even redefines results, saying with introverts, it's ok to have fewer contacts, so long as those contacts are high quality ones. There are plenty of specific examples of how to prepare, how to act, and what to say at networking events for introverts that will allow them to network without draining their energy or turning them into a nervous wreck.

The bad news- the author is friendly and effervescent in her writing to the point of being airy-fairy; pop psychology and pseudo-facts are employed up to and including the erroneous "the Chinese character for crisis has the character for opportunity in it!". She also revels herself to be a social butterfly with an uncanny knack for perceiving social hierarchy and understanding how the whole social world works. True, it is not a contradiction for her to know the social dance AND be an introvert (which is what she claims). What's missing is the acknowledgment that many of her readers her are introverts that truly lack this knowledge base. Telling people who are awkward in social encounters HOW to act (make every person you speak to important, because you never know who is going to help you later on) won't work if you don't mention WHY they need to act (how the Hell would I know who was important? How are they going to help me? Why do I have to talk to them at all?). If it's true that 1 in 38 children in the United States show signs of autism, then Ms. Zack, and the rest of us, will need to rethink what we consider to be "normal" social consciousness. To be fair, that wasn't the goal of this particular book. Maybe it's time for a sequel?

[Tami · Rating 5 out of 5]

Most books that I have read that discuss introverts and extroverts tend to talk in stereotypes. Introverts are seen as shy, cold, and slow witted. Extroverts are seen as the life of the party, fun, and social. Indeed, there truly are key differences between introverts and extroverts. However, both have strengths and limitations. When we recognize this fact and start using what we have, we find that even networking isn’t as bad as we think.

Right from the start, Networking for People who Hate Networking states that what we all view as networking comes from a very narrow viewpoint. Yes, extroverts thrive in situations where they meet new people, mingle, take business cards, and talk, talk, talk. However, so long as an introvert understands his or her need for me-time and self care, he or she will enjoy meeting people with common interests, having one on one conversations, and create long term relationships. Quality versus quantity. It all evens out in the end.

I was fascinated by this book. As an introvert I very much enjoy being with people, talking, learning new things, and having new experiences. I just get physically drained by too much for too long. I simply can’t sustain what seems to energize my extrovert husband. Know yourself and use what you have.

[Rubi · Rating 2 out of 5]

It wasn't a book for me but at least I think I learned something.

[Aleshia · Rating 2 out of 5]

I started this book with "YES! This is totally me! I am so excited to learn how to finally network like all those outgoing people!" Each of the chapters even started this way. After that though, the content did not expand my networking skills at all. I've come to realize from reading this book that I know myself very, very well. I understand how I think as an introvert (ie. A LOT of thinking before speaking) and how I function in a working environment. I know I need to research and prepare ahead of time because I take awhile to process things. I don't think by speaking like extroverts do. I also prefer to make a few contacts and give myself breaks inbetween events to not wear myself out. However, the guidance and advice tells me to do these types of things for networking events, which I already do because I naturally know that in order for me to do it well I must act on my strengths. Now, not all introverts may realize this and may benefit from reading this book, but since I've already been through some networking situations and sorted out these tips for myself, this just didn't add anything to help me. I need more help along the lines of actually dealing with social interactions or social anxiety, and this book doesn't do that really. All it really did help me was realize that there are other people who hate networking just as much as I do.

[Bunnyhugger · Rating 4 out of 5]

[Edited to add: 12 years later, I still think about this little book so that merits raising it to 4 stars.]

Lighthearted and entertainingly written, this is geared towards those who abhor networking. That's basically anyone who isn't an extrovert. The author spends a great deal of time identifying the personality traits of extroverts (who talk to think, and energize with others), introverts (where it's the other way around), and centroverts (somewhere in the middle where I fit in.) The regular rules of networking are too draining for non-extroverts so the author offers tips and strategies that work along with your temperament, without discounting or overriding it. I think the most important piece of advice I came away with is to understand yourself and focus on the strengths you do have, not push yourself to develop/fake the ones you don't. This book was quite validating in that way. I'm giving this 3 stars and not more because it was quite fluffy and cutesy - I would have appreciated some more depth. Also, it focused rather narrowly on those networking at business events such as retreats and conferences (despite pointing out that life is one giant networking opportunity.) Still, I think it is worth checking out.

[Stephanie Thoma · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a fun, informative and zany read. I enjoyed being let into Devora's mind, and ended up quoting her in an updated slide in my workshop "Networking for Introverts".

Some takeaways:
- Real networking is connecting
- Introverts: think to talk (reflective), go deep (focused), energize alone (self-reliant)
- Extroverts: talk to think (verbal), go wide (expansive), energize with others (social)
- Prepping for an event: have a quiet lunch, stop work early, volunteer (to have defined role), go w/ a pal (I don't agree!), clarify goals, arrive early, take a moment, freshen breath
- Starter Qs: What kind of work do you do? How was your day? What interesting projects are you working on? Do you have plans for x"
- End a convo gracefully: May I have your card? It was great meeting you. I am headed to eat/drink/restroom. I need to make a call. Have you met x?
- Avert 'too private' Qs: Why do you ask? It's hard to say. I try not to think about it. What do YOU think?
- Keep things positive, relate on good things vs. complaining (yes!)
- Behave as if everyone you're speaking with is the "right" person
- Remember names better by using it 3x in the initial conversation, writing it down once they leave, imagining a person you know of the same name and associating

[Miz Moffatt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Networking for People Who Hate Networking offers a comprehensive social toolkit for introverted individuals who aim for greater networking success. Where other books pathologize introverted behaviours and normalize the boisterous techniques of extreme extroverts, Devora Zack reframes the concept of social aptitude and provides accessible advice tailored for introverts. Zack offers an overview of the unique strengths of independent introverts, and provides structured approaches to dealing with social events, business travel, job hunting circuits, and other highly social activities. Overall, social preference does not dictate one's abilities—instead, working with those preferences enables introverts to reach further in social interactions, and allows them to form lasting connections with new friends and business partners alike.

Ideal for: Overwhelmed minglers and painfully shy networkers; confident introverts who would like to break from their usual comfort zone; extroverts confused over the positive aspects of introversion.

[Katherine · Rating 3 out of 5]

As someone who hates networking, as I much prefer my own company, I thought this book would give me some useful hints and tips.

The book provided a lot of detail about introverts etc and the need to network more slowly with breaks to recharge yourself but concentrated on meeting people at networking events only. There was no mention of how to network in your own workplace through coffee/lunch meetings etc. The other downside of the book was that it talked about that first meeting but there was no real detail as to how to take the next step and develop a longer term professional relationship.

The book was a great start but needed to approach the subject with more depth.

[Alexandra Tobor · Rating 2 out of 5]

Dünne Ratschläge von Captain Obvious, die konzentriert auf ein Merkblatt gepasst hätten, mit Pinguinen dekoriert und aufgebläht ohne Ende, man möchte mit einer Nadel reinstechen. Funktionierende Unterhaltung, dh Zeitverschwendung. Bullshit for people who love Bullshit.

[Broken Lifeboat · Rating 3 out of 5]

Audiobook 🎧 4 hours

First off, this book is probably a better read than a listen as it has a bunch of scored self-assessments and tables that sound weird read.

The author tends to be cutesy and overly self-promotional but OHMYGOD I FEEL SO SEEN by this book. The author used the same words of discomfort from being an introvert in the work world that I've never said out loud. Like, I DEEPLY do NOT want to know about my coworkers personal lives and this was the first business book that didn't make me feel like I needed to just 'get over' not wanting to socialize.

Most business books don't even consider the introvert's natural business style as successful and this one refreshingly treats it like a feature and not a bug. Introverts can use their natural planning, listening and analytic tendencies and skills to successfully move through the business world confidently.

'Networking for People...' explores common business situations that make introverts cringe and gives strategies to practice. Not a perfect book but I got enough to make it worth the read.

[Martti · Rating 2 out of 5]

Never listen to a book that has a bunch of tests with multiple answers and tables in it. It's like some horoscope or "wow, you wouldn't believe the results of this test" ... after a test after a test.
From the positive side, I have never heard of "centroverts" before, but she really nailed that one. A bit of both, not intro, but not really an extra as well.
This book gives some structure and patterns on communications and a reminder to extraverts that not everyone is.

[Barawe · Rating 2 out of 5]

translation? am not so sure about its quality
content? way too centralized around selling the point of: introverts and extroverts are one as good as the other, networking is fun and not enough on the networking itself.
structure? it feels a little bit all over the place.
design? looks like intentionally stretched out to give at least 200 pages

so no, I am not convinced

[Nate · Rating 4 out of 5]

For someone like me who leads a large digital life but a small IRL life this has been helpful. I have made some minor changes so far and they seem to be working. This book can be good for the introverted or the shy to work on their networking skills.

[Donna Craig · Rating 3 out of 5]

I learned a few new concepts from this quick, easy read:
Preparing an elevator speech
Treating people differently if they are introverts, extroverts, centroverts
The idea of centroverts
and more.
Pretty useful stuff, actually.

[Victor Melgarejo Zurutuza · Rating 5 out of 5]

Un excelente libro para encontrar como hacer vinculación, sin importar la personalidad.

[Eco · Rating 2 out of 5]

Book suggested to me as part of career counseling. As a centrovert, I can turn on the charm. But I prefer more natural interactions. The whole book is summed up in the Appendix - a table on one page. This book added no real value to my knowledge base.

[koneko reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

specialized networking tips and tricks for introverts — who have limited energy — plus practical action lists. debunking the myth of all extroverted ways of networking

[Denis Vasilev · Rating 3 out of 5]

Книга нормальная. Интроверту читать приятно - почти на все ��оворишь да, да, так и есть.

[Sybil Vyver]

Its a good book for Introverts to learn how to navigate networking events

[Nicky · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ugh. Perhaps I just won't like any "self-help" books, but I read this for my reading challenge. This book was pretty full of itself, and doesn't make me hate networking any less. Meh.

[Jenn Wells · Rating 5 out of 5]

So good! I have told everyone who would listen about this book. A good chunk of it delves into the differences between extroverts and introverts, what the misconceptions are, and how to play to your strengths. I love the idea that not everyone has to network the traditional way and, as an introvert, the polite ways ro make sure you get enough alone time to recover before jumping back into the fray. A must read for introverts, but valuable for everyone no matter where you are on the scale. Oh, and it's very well-written, too. Lots of subtle humor to keep it light and fun.

[Cayla · Rating 4 out of 5]

The books starts by discussing the differences between introverts and extroverts. One of my favorite aspects of the book is the author's perspective that neither personality type is better than the other, but people should optimize their networking strengths depending on what personality type they fall into. My high rating of the book generally comes from the fact that the book does not try to change introverts or state that being an introvert is bad. There is a shocking lack of awareness among people on what it means to be an introvert. Many people seem to think being an introvert is a very bad thing to be, like an angry grump stewing alone all day. Not so!

The book also contains good practical tips on how to network as an introvert. One of the best tips I found was the idea that introverts are more comfortable with defined rolls. Therefore, it may be better to volunteer at a networking event, than to go and mingle. Additionally, the book provided a chart of techniques on memorizing names depending on your learning style, which is helpful for introverts and extraverts alike.

I can't write this review, however, without listing one big negative. There were about three pages in the book dedicated to ideas of get-to-know-you games for seminars. I HATE get-to-know-you games and hate the idea that someone may read this book, get an idea for a new game, and someday force me to play it. That would be tragic!

With that GIANT negative aside, the book is great and a good read for anyone looking for networking tips.

[Greg · Rating 3 out of 5]

There is not much that is really new here for me, but I did find some useful techniques and ideas for more effectively managing my energy for networking. I am one of those introverts who, at professional conferences, reaches the end of the day exhausted by the constant flow of people and interpersonal demands. The last thing I want is to feel compelled to have dinner or attend social functions with a large group of people and be "on stage" for another 3-4 hours. So, I often make excuses or just quietly retreat to somewhere for some alone time where I am not likely to encounter others. Museums, hole-in-the-wall restaurants, historic sites, and so forth are good for that purpose.

Devora offers some good ideas for managing one’s energy during the day so that, if needed, you can be sociable for a little while in the evening. For young networkers who also happen to be introverts, this quick read might help to shortcut you to improved networking without going through the trial and error learning process. It is worth a quick read for ideas and approaches to effective introverted networking.

[Starfire · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent reading and another of those "must read" titles for introverts.

I'll be doing a full review on my blog, but for the meantime, I'll say that I love the extent to which Ms Zack *gets* introversion.

Her writing style is engaging with just enough snark to keep me grinning, and her 3-P process (Pause, Process and Pace) is an awesome structural tool for us introverts in pretty much all areas of our lives - not just networking.

Definitely worth checking out if you're introverted and want to somehow figure out the networking thing in a way that doesn't exhaust you or feel inauthentic. I'll be using some of the techniques I've picked up from this book in the networking for introverts 101 class I'm planning to run later this year :-)

[Gwen Nguyen · Rating 4 out of 5]

An excellent book that does exactly what it promises: to teach a person who hates networking ways around the excruciating experience of unavoidable networking (unless you live under a rock). Some strategies she suggests are preparing your material (ie. what you are going to talk about if you find yourself in a networking pickle) and choosing activities that have a set structure. Overall, it's a very easy and light read. I thoroughly enjoyed it and will definitely be trying out her strategy of pause, process, and pace. A must read if you're and introvert or if you need some pointers for networking.

[Fiona · Rating 2 out of 5]

As an introvert myself I found myself in a lot of situations described in the book. I hoped to get advice on how to control feeling uneasy and nervous when meeting new people or speak to a group and especially how to ease up at networking because I always feel like an idiot when trying small talk with colleagues (or anybody else). But even though the book described a lot situations where I thought "hey I know that feeling", it didn't show how to handle that. Sure there were some advices on topics, on preparation, but in general this book didn't help me prepare for networking. It just showed me that I'm not the only one hating it.