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The Pirates! #1-2
The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists & The Pirates! In an Adventure with Ahab
The Pirates! In an Adventure with ScientistsNot since Moby-Dick...No, not since Treasure Island...Actually, not since Jonah and the Whale has there been a sea saga to rival The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists, featuring the greatest sea-faring hero of all time, the immortal Pirate Captain, who, although he lives for months at a time at sea, somehow manages to keep his beard silky and in good condition.Worried that his pirates are growing bored with a life of winking at pretty native ladies and trying to stick enough jellyfish together to make a bouncy castle, the Pirate Captain decides it's high time to spearhead an adventure.While searching for some major pirate booty, he mistakenly attacks the young Charles Darwin's Beagle and then leads his ragtag crew from the exotic Galapagos Islands to the fog-filled streets of Victorian London. There they encounter grisly murder, vanishing ladies, radioactive elephants, and the Holy Ghost himself. And that's not even the half of it.The Pirates! In an Adventure with AhabFresh from their mishaps with Charles Darwin and the evil Bishop of Oxford, the Pirates set sail in a bouncy new vessel–purchased on credit. In order to repay his debts, The Pirate Captain is determined to capture the enigmatic White Whale, hunted by the notoriously moody Ahab, who has promised a reward.Chaos ensues, featuring the lascivious Cutlass Liz, the world’s most dangerous mosquito, an excerpt from the Pirate Captain’s novel in progress (a bodice ripper, of course), whale ventriloquism, practical lessons in whale painting, a shanty-singing contest in a Las Vegas casino, and a dramatic climax in which the Pirate Captain’s Prize Ham saves the day!Move over, Herman Melville.
113 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 20, 2006
26 people are currently reading
278 people want to read
About the author
Gideon Defoe
15 books295 followersGideon Defoe never meant to become an author. When Defoe bumped into a woman he had pursued during his time studying archaeology and anthropology at Oxford, they began chatting about what they were up to. Realising that his job temping for Westminster council was not going to win him any romantic points, he told her that he was writing a novel. She asked to see it, at which point he found that he really was writing a novel. His manuscript was originally circulated among friends, who photocopied it and passed it on until, eventually, it fell into the hands of a literary agent.
He was raised by his mother in the south of England. His late father wrote thrillers that featured a lot of sexy Russian spies seducing middle-aged men uncannily like him.
His mother says he is a direct descendant of Daniel Defoe. He says he won't be convinced until he has seen the family tree.
He was raised by his mother in the south of England. His late father wrote thrillers that featured a lot of sexy Russian spies seducing middle-aged men uncannily like him.
His mother says he is a direct descendant of Daniel Defoe. He says he won't be convinced until he has seen the family tree.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 115 reviews
November 8, 2008
I scan the column of 5-star reviews proclaiming the hilarity of this book and am forced to set myself all kinds of awkward questions. When did I stifle my inner child? Just when did the creeping tentacles of old fogeydom reach out to atrophy my critical faculties? How can I not love the pirates? What's wrong with me anyway? What kind of monster am I? Everyone loves pirates!
In my defense, I didn't hate the pirates. But it turns out apparently that a little whimsy goes a long way. This book has the virtue of being - GASP! - two books in one. But - and I must be brutally frank here, my goodreads public expects nothing less than searing honesty at all times - had Gideon Defoe stopped at just one book, that would have been A-OK with me.
Which is to say that, having come up with an awesome gimmick (pirates! everyone loves pirates!), Gideon's execution is mediocre at best. The humor is sporadic and very British, with much recycling of material that isn't all that hilarious to begin with.
Of the two stories, I liked the Ahab one better. Gideon really never did figure out what to do with the Darwin story: both stories meander, but the Scientist story was particularly aimless.
I guess I'll just go and read my copy of the Curmudgeon Chronicle now.
(The third star basically reflects peer pressure - my initial impulse was to give it only two stars).
In my defense, I didn't hate the pirates. But it turns out apparently that a little whimsy goes a long way. This book has the virtue of being - GASP! - two books in one. But - and I must be brutally frank here, my goodreads public expects nothing less than searing honesty at all times - had Gideon Defoe stopped at just one book, that would have been A-OK with me.
Which is to say that, having come up with an awesome gimmick (pirates! everyone loves pirates!), Gideon's execution is mediocre at best. The humor is sporadic and very British, with much recycling of material that isn't all that hilarious to begin with.
Of the two stories, I liked the Ahab one better. Gideon really never did figure out what to do with the Darwin story: both stories meander, but the Scientist story was particularly aimless.
I guess I'll just go and read my copy of the Curmudgeon Chronicle now.
(The third star basically reflects peer pressure - my initial impulse was to give it only two stars).
February 3, 2020
at least 3 of these 4 stars are for the nostalgia because the movie based on these books was my entire childhood. the other star is for the humor, which i’m pretty sure i didn’t appreciate quite as much when i was 9 years old watching this movie. but gosh darn this was so fun to read
February 9, 2014
The movie The Pirates! Band of Misfits, is based loosely on the first book in this series, and in the UK, the film actually shares that title. I love Aardman Animations and this movie was no exception. The books are definitely aimed at an adult audience, so there are many changes in the film, but I think it stays true to the general feel of the books.
These books are just fun pirate farce, not a genre I can say I've read before, but one that I enjoyed. The general gist is that the Pirate Captain is a bit of a bumbling blowhard (with a luxurious beard), but most of his men (whose names he can't remember, so he just thinks of them as "the pirate with gout," "the albino pirate," or "the pirate with the scarf") idolize him...with the exception of "the pirate in red" in the second book.
In the adventure with scientists, the pirates accidentally attack Charles Darwin's expedition ship. Queen Victoria & the last dodo are not part of the book. Instead, it is the "manpanzee" that Darwin hopes to present the scientific community for much acclaim and maybe some monetary reward. The Bishop of Oxford has kidnapped Darwin's brother in an attempt to keep him quiet, and turns out to be more diabolical than any of them could have imagined.
In the adventure with Captain Ahab, the pirates are desperate to make 6000 dubloons to repay Cutlass Liz (voiced by Salma Hayek in the film) for a new ship. After attempting to dig for treasure, putting on a show in early Las Vegas, and several unsuccessful pirate raids (the children's field trip and leper ship bits from the film are borrowed from this book), they attempt to capture the white whale in order to obtain reward money from Ahab...with mixed results.
Each book is about 100 pages, making it a quick, entertaining read with storylines that serve to join together gag after gag. One that particularly made me chuckle was this clever letter from the Pirate Captain's mentor at pirate academy:
Dear Pirate Captain,
I hope all is well and that you're not hanging in irons or anything. I'm writing to you from my sickbed, where I am suffering terribly with a kidney stone the size of a grapefruit. Such a common risk for us pirates, given our fondness for rich meats of all descriptions.
I fear that my days of plundering and shouting things like 'I am a pirate!' may well be drawing to a close. So I wanted to tell you one thing---Pirate Captain, you were always my favorite pupil. Certainly you were much better than the others in your class, who I regarded merely as a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess, and a criminal. I especially liked your commanding voice, stentorian nose, piercing blue eyes and firm grasp of nautical matters. (The pirate in red questions the existence of this last sentence as he does not see it peering over the Pirate Captain's shoulder.)
Even as I write I can feel additional calculi agglomerating in my urinary tract, so I must be brief. Long story short, I believe that you, more than anybody, deserve to learn my greatest secret: for as a young pirate I discovered nothing less than the ultimate treasure, which I buried for safekeeping on an island just off the Florida Keys. The map is enclosed.
Stay lucky,
Calico Jack
These books are just fun pirate farce, not a genre I can say I've read before, but one that I enjoyed. The general gist is that the Pirate Captain is a bit of a bumbling blowhard (with a luxurious beard), but most of his men (whose names he can't remember, so he just thinks of them as "the pirate with gout," "the albino pirate," or "the pirate with the scarf") idolize him...with the exception of "the pirate in red" in the second book.
In the adventure with scientists, the pirates accidentally attack Charles Darwin's expedition ship. Queen Victoria & the last dodo are not part of the book. Instead, it is the "manpanzee" that Darwin hopes to present the scientific community for much acclaim and maybe some monetary reward. The Bishop of Oxford has kidnapped Darwin's brother in an attempt to keep him quiet, and turns out to be more diabolical than any of them could have imagined.
In the adventure with Captain Ahab, the pirates are desperate to make 6000 dubloons to repay Cutlass Liz (voiced by Salma Hayek in the film) for a new ship. After attempting to dig for treasure, putting on a show in early Las Vegas, and several unsuccessful pirate raids (the children's field trip and leper ship bits from the film are borrowed from this book), they attempt to capture the white whale in order to obtain reward money from Ahab...with mixed results.
Each book is about 100 pages, making it a quick, entertaining read with storylines that serve to join together gag after gag. One that particularly made me chuckle was this clever letter from the Pirate Captain's mentor at pirate academy:
Dear Pirate Captain,
I hope all is well and that you're not hanging in irons or anything. I'm writing to you from my sickbed, where I am suffering terribly with a kidney stone the size of a grapefruit. Such a common risk for us pirates, given our fondness for rich meats of all descriptions.
I fear that my days of plundering and shouting things like 'I am a pirate!' may well be drawing to a close. So I wanted to tell you one thing---Pirate Captain, you were always my favorite pupil. Certainly you were much better than the others in your class, who I regarded merely as a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess, and a criminal. I especially liked your commanding voice, stentorian nose, piercing blue eyes and firm grasp of nautical matters. (The pirate in red questions the existence of this last sentence as he does not see it peering over the Pirate Captain's shoulder.)
Even as I write I can feel additional calculi agglomerating in my urinary tract, so I must be brief. Long story short, I believe that you, more than anybody, deserve to learn my greatest secret: for as a young pirate I discovered nothing less than the ultimate treasure, which I buried for safekeeping on an island just off the Florida Keys. The map is enclosed.
Stay lucky,
Calico Jack
October 6, 2007
Pure cheese, and I like cheese. Laugh out loud funny. Nothing particularly fantastic about the subject or the writing, but it will put a grin on your face. Booktalk from library school below.
The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists by Gideon Defoe.
The Pirate Captain is a lot like today’s youth. Well, maybe not that much. Or at all. You be the judge. Like many, The Pirate Captain has a motto. ‘I like ham.’ he sails a ship around, plundering the Spanish Main. Although he agrees that just about everything about pirating is great – drinking the grog, eating the biscuits, stabbing with the cutlasses – the best part is pirate songs, the shanties. Arrr! Just like you, he’s got his own crew – including the pirate with the scarf, the albino pirate, the pirate with the accordion, and the pirate in red – ham lovers all. Most importantly, he has a nemesis. Yarr, Black Bellamy. A pirate so dastardly he won’t even follow the pirate code.
But the Pirate Captain doesn’t worry his pretty little beard over his nemesis, because Black Bellamy has invited his crew over for a sumptuous pirate feast – with no shortage of the good stuff! You guessed it, ham! At the feast, Black Bellamy tells the Pirate Captain about a treasure ship ripe for the looting. And off the pirates set sail … for adventure! Well, south… towards the Galapagos Islands, where they discover they’ve been hoodwinked. They’ve pillaged and wrecked the ship of none other than young Charles Darwin, a soon-to-be famous scientist! Meanwhile, Black Bellamy has commandeered the real treasure ship and is having quite a laugh back in Europe. With nothing better to do and no feasts to attend, the Pirate Captain agrees to team up with Darwin to save Darwin’s brother from the Evil Bishop of Oxford. Will the pirates be able to pass themselves off as scientists and help Darwin? Will the Bishop succeed with some evil scheme he probably has? Will there be enough ham for the journey? Find out, in The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists by Gideon Defoe.
The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists by Gideon Defoe.
The Pirate Captain is a lot like today’s youth. Well, maybe not that much. Or at all. You be the judge. Like many, The Pirate Captain has a motto. ‘I like ham.’ he sails a ship around, plundering the Spanish Main. Although he agrees that just about everything about pirating is great – drinking the grog, eating the biscuits, stabbing with the cutlasses – the best part is pirate songs, the shanties. Arrr! Just like you, he’s got his own crew – including the pirate with the scarf, the albino pirate, the pirate with the accordion, and the pirate in red – ham lovers all. Most importantly, he has a nemesis. Yarr, Black Bellamy. A pirate so dastardly he won’t even follow the pirate code.
But the Pirate Captain doesn’t worry his pretty little beard over his nemesis, because Black Bellamy has invited his crew over for a sumptuous pirate feast – with no shortage of the good stuff! You guessed it, ham! At the feast, Black Bellamy tells the Pirate Captain about a treasure ship ripe for the looting. And off the pirates set sail … for adventure! Well, south… towards the Galapagos Islands, where they discover they’ve been hoodwinked. They’ve pillaged and wrecked the ship of none other than young Charles Darwin, a soon-to-be famous scientist! Meanwhile, Black Bellamy has commandeered the real treasure ship and is having quite a laugh back in Europe. With nothing better to do and no feasts to attend, the Pirate Captain agrees to team up with Darwin to save Darwin’s brother from the Evil Bishop of Oxford. Will the pirates be able to pass themselves off as scientists and help Darwin? Will the Bishop succeed with some evil scheme he probably has? Will there be enough ham for the journey? Find out, in The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists by Gideon Defoe.
February 28, 2025
You'd think they'd be doomed from the start with the idiot pirate captain and his loyal crew that are of the same intelligence. For me, it was when Black Bellamy conned them into thinking a ship named the Beagle was carrying treasure. It got me wondering how the ending would be when the pirates found out there was no treasure. To my surprise, that was where the real adventure began, with them sinking the Beagle, which was carrying Charles Darwin (who started to cry), FitzRoy, and Mr. Bobo, who is a manpanzee.
Charles Darwin, having trained Mr. Bobo to become a manpanzee, has an enemy who is none other than the Bishop of Oxford. A Bishop! Of Oxford!
The story is sort of cartoonish. For instance, the pirates use Galapagos turtles for racing, jellyfish for bouncy castles, and a pirate chasing his crew members while pretending he’s a ghost.
There are some gory parts, like a pirate stepping on blood and the killing and cooking of monkeys.
For the second book, I've never read Moby Dick, so I don't know much about Ahab, but I remember watching the movie long ago. Ahab sounds crazier in this book than in Moby Dick. For example, Ahab goes to a show thinking the whale would attend.
If there are two things I learned, it's that Darwin isn't as smart as I thought, and when a girl and pirate go into a cabin to be alone, it's to teach her how to tie knots. I really liked the first book, which got 4 stars, and the second book got 3 stars.
Charles Darwin, having trained Mr. Bobo to become a manpanzee, has an enemy who is none other than the Bishop of Oxford. A Bishop! Of Oxford!
The story is sort of cartoonish. For instance, the pirates use Galapagos turtles for racing, jellyfish for bouncy castles, and a pirate chasing his crew members while pretending he’s a ghost.
There are some gory parts, like a pirate stepping on blood and the killing and cooking of monkeys.
For the second book, I've never read Moby Dick, so I don't know much about Ahab, but I remember watching the movie long ago. Ahab sounds crazier in this book than in Moby Dick. For example, Ahab goes to a show thinking the whale would attend.
If there are two things I learned, it's that Darwin isn't as smart as I thought, and when a girl and pirate go into a cabin to be alone, it's to teach her how to tie knots. I really liked the first book, which got 4 stars, and the second book got 3 stars.
November 29, 2008
So I picked up this book after seeing it pop up just about everywhere, and I should have re-calibrated my expectations after Megan said it was "okay." That being said, it was a quick read that was fun, but not fun enough to really engage me into finishing.
Here are some of the pros:
1) it's a book about pirates. how freaking awesome is that?
2) it's actually two books in one. holy crap. you turn it over and there's another book.
3) it's about darwin and ahab-- two people you'd like to see interact with pirates
4) it comes with really entertaining and sometimes quite informative footnotes
Here are some of the cons:
1) frankly, it's shoddily written
2) while funny, it's not funny enough to keep you reading
3) the plots make no sense
4) you could do way more with pirates
Net-net... it comes out to about 2 stars. Bottom of the pile.
YARRRRR.
Here are some of the pros:
1) it's a book about pirates. how freaking awesome is that?
2) it's actually two books in one. holy crap. you turn it over and there's another book.
3) it's about darwin and ahab-- two people you'd like to see interact with pirates
4) it comes with really entertaining and sometimes quite informative footnotes
Here are some of the cons:
1) frankly, it's shoddily written
2) while funny, it's not funny enough to keep you reading
3) the plots make no sense
4) you could do way more with pirates
Net-net... it comes out to about 2 stars. Bottom of the pile.
YARRRRR.
Read
February 15, 2010Amusing, clever, but pointless. This was a DNF. A group of pirates, under a vain but ineffective leader takes off on a voyage to Las Vegas to earn the money to pay for their ship. A voyage to Las Vegas? Yes, that was only one of the ridiculous aspects of this book. There was no character development, no setting development and no plot. The book consisted of the series of comic disasters that befell the pirates as they searched for ways to pay off their new pirate ship. There were footnotes throughout the story, giving catchy random facts about items mentioned in the book, like how long an albatross lives, where various nautical terms come from, etc. These were clever and interesting but you could find them in any google search.
August 8, 2015
This version is two books in one - "The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists" and "The Pirates! In an Adventure with Ahab." A ship of pirates with names such as "pirate with a scarf" and "albino pirate" led by the Pirate Captain have some adventures, in this case w/ Darwin and Ahab as leading characters. Very silly, very mindless read - this is candy for the mind. Entertainment Weekly provided a blurb for the cover, if that tells you anything. Fun, esp when read w/ the right expectations (somewhat childlike silliness abounds) but not something to write home about.
June 26, 2008
This book is so funny. A super easy read and silly as heck. The footnotes are priceless. They are entertaining and informative trivia, like what barnacles are made of, the fact that more people are killed each year by pigs than sharks, and why your fingertips shrivel up in the bath.
September 27, 2011
Not nearly as funny as I had hoped it would be....
December 20, 2012
I would say this is the most stupid book I have ever read and the greatest waste of my time.
February 10, 2017
Scientists ★★★★
Ahab ★★���★★
After the main-mast falls over for the third time in a week the pirate with a scarf reluctantly and cautiously approaches the Pirate Captain about perhaps getting a new boat. After admitting to his number two that perhaps covering the holes in his quarters with dashing pictures of himself isn't the best way to keep a boat afloat, seeing as a stiff breeze could conceivably kill off half the pirate crew and the Pirate Captain himself has never bothered to learn to swim he agrees that they go to Nantucket and Cutlass Liz's boatyard. There they run into two interesting people. One is Ahab, a dour whaler who is searching the world for the great white whale who took his leg off with a big chomp, the other is the Pirate Captain's Nemesis, Black Bellamy. Black Bellamy eggs the Pirate Captain on to buying a boat, The Lovely Emma, which the crew can in no way afford. Desperate to quickly get the cash for fear of Cutlass Liz and her ways of dealing with those who don't pay the pirates go in search of treasure! When that fails they try gambling. When that fails they try putting on a Vegas show. When that fails the pirate in red suggests perhaps they try some piracy? When that fails they just might take up Ahab's quest, they keep running into him and he's now offering a reward equal to the cost of their new boat. But can the Pirate Captain and his crew really succeed where Ahab has failed? And if they do can they succeed before Cutlass Liz gets violent?
What seems like years ago now, probably because it was, I remember seeing a few of Gideon Defoe's Pirates! books at Half Price Books and thinking they looked rather fun. I promptly forgot about them because do you realize the number of books I look at on a daily basis? It's seriously staggering. But shortly thereafter Lauren Willig mentioned them in passing as being hilarious so this confluence of events led me to order the first two books, handily sold as one volume, and I put it on my bookshelf and promptly forgot about them again. Fast forward to 2012 and Aardman Animation has adapted the first book for the screen. David Tennant, Hugh Grant, Russell Tovey, no wait, not Russell Tovey in the US, grumble, grumble, but once again I thought of the books and again promptly forgot. For some reason all my encounters with Gideon Defoe's work was promptly forgotten until his third book, The Pirates! In an Adventure with Communists, was picked out of the hat for book club in 2016. Not being one to start in the middle of a series I picked up my copy of the first two books, promptly fell in love, ordered the next three books and plundered my way through them all.
The thing is, I've always had a soft spot for pirates. This started quite young with my parents reading Irene Haas's The Maggie B. to me. A young girl wishes for a boat to travel the world in with her little brother. I wanted a boat just like it for myself. A pirate ship in miniature with flora and fauna and the coziest rooms you could ever imagine that weathered all storms. As I grew up there were Lego pirate ships and Playmobil pirate ships that actually floated helmed by my Star Wars figures. There were hideouts down by the railway tracks and in my back yard with hammocks, just like on a real pirate ship. There were other books too like Peter Pan and The Princess Bride, and tons of movies from The Goonies to Muppet Treasure Island to Hook. Finally there was Pirates of the Caribbean, opening night at Point Cinema on the UltraScreen with my girlfriends. Some were there to see Johnny Depp, some to see Orlando Bloom, and some to see an anvil three stories tall. I was there for the pirates!
But these Pirates! by Gideon Defoe, they are a breed apart. They are the love children of Blackadder and the briny deep, with historical cameos thrown in just as much as historical accuracy is thrown out. With this lovability that makes you just want to take them home give them a big feast predominately of ham and tell them a good bedtime story before tucking them in for the night. Gideon Defoe's writing combines the wit and love of footnotes of Terry Pratchett with the absurdity of Monty Python. Yet it's so uniquely his own that while I can draw comparisons all day it will never do justice to a series of books that need to be read for their hats and their love of ham. And I'm not joking that once you start you won't be able to stop until you've read them all. From Darwin and Bobo, the "man-panzee," to Ahab and what hunting the great white whale does to the Pirate Captain's sanity, to Wagner trying to blacken the name of Communism, to beekeeping on St. Helena where Napoleon causes quite a ruckus, to Byron and the Pirate Captain forming a true bromance while the Pirate Captain tries to woo Mary Godwin away from Shelley, you will just pillage your way through Defoe's prose.
Yet what makes this series really unique is that, aside from them being kind of hopeless as pirates, is that the characters names aren't really names, instead being character descriptions. There's the Pirate Captain and his faithful number two, the pirate with a scarf, there's the pirate in green, the pirate with rickets, the albino pirate, Jennifer, and every one's least favorite pirate, the pirate in red. While this could be viewed as just a humorous joke at the readers expense, I mean, think how many times we as readers when faced with a new story with oodles of characters has picked up on a character trait to remember them all by? Instead I don't think it's about readers and the inability to remember names, instead I think it's a clever conceit. While yes, there is a bit of poking fun at stereotypes, I think it actually goes beyond this and is making the character archetypes. The Pirate Captain is THE DEFINITIVE pirate captain. He's the only one that matters, suck it Black Bellamy! Just like the pirate with a scarf is the perfect number two, and the pirate in red is the perfect red shirt for us to hate on. These are the lovable essence of all the pirates we wanted to sail the high seas with as a kid and therefore we gleefully go with them wherever that may be. Even if there might be ghosts. And we all know how scared pirates are of ghosts!
In fact I think that the film by Aardman Animation, The Pirates! Band of Misfits, is doing a disservice to the books. While these pirates are true characters by making them cartoonishly animated it has turned them into caricatures. This movie has lessened them. In the books they are larger than life fiendish friends, on the screen they are a kind of boring movie. Which is really odd when you consider that Gideon Defoe wrote the screenplay. When I think back to when I first saw the movie, it in no way made me want to rush out and read the books, which is such a shame. Think of all those people out in the world who are judging these books based on that movie? The movie has far more "presence" and it's overshadowing these lovely, sweet, and comical adventures. When reading the books I thought how much they reminded me of the TV series Galavant. There's an absurdity and a gallantry and a sense of humor that makes it similar to The Pirates! Plus done as live action, there's a basis in reality with having actors like the brilliant Timothy Omundson bring the characters to life. This humor works best with the dichotomy of the absurd versus the real. Which leads me into my next point, when is there going to be a live action movie with Timothy Omundson as the Pirate Captain?
As for why I chose to pick their adventure with Ahab as my favorite? Partly it's because I had yet to read them hanging out with the Romantics last year, but also it has to do with this balance of fantasy and reality that elevates the humor in these books. In taking The Pirates! and placing them in their natural setting you get to see how atrocious they actually are as pirates. The fact that when they desperately need money to pay for their new boat that actual piracy is their second to last resort shows where their priorities lie. They'd rather look at clouds and have feasts with ham. Again and again it's brought home how not at home they are on the sea. They know nothing about whales! As for mermaids... well, the Pirate Captain did date a rather attractive halibut for three months thinking the rather normal fish was something more... While Black Bellamy may be a successful pirate, he isn't that enjoyable a pirate to be around. He's too suave, too together. I actually like my pirates a little on the lost side. Perhaps that is the one thing that the movie got right? They are a band of misfits, and I love them so much for not conforming to any stereotype. They are archetypes and I love them!
Ahab ★★���★★
After the main-mast falls over for the third time in a week the pirate with a scarf reluctantly and cautiously approaches the Pirate Captain about perhaps getting a new boat. After admitting to his number two that perhaps covering the holes in his quarters with dashing pictures of himself isn't the best way to keep a boat afloat, seeing as a stiff breeze could conceivably kill off half the pirate crew and the Pirate Captain himself has never bothered to learn to swim he agrees that they go to Nantucket and Cutlass Liz's boatyard. There they run into two interesting people. One is Ahab, a dour whaler who is searching the world for the great white whale who took his leg off with a big chomp, the other is the Pirate Captain's Nemesis, Black Bellamy. Black Bellamy eggs the Pirate Captain on to buying a boat, The Lovely Emma, which the crew can in no way afford. Desperate to quickly get the cash for fear of Cutlass Liz and her ways of dealing with those who don't pay the pirates go in search of treasure! When that fails they try gambling. When that fails they try putting on a Vegas show. When that fails the pirate in red suggests perhaps they try some piracy? When that fails they just might take up Ahab's quest, they keep running into him and he's now offering a reward equal to the cost of their new boat. But can the Pirate Captain and his crew really succeed where Ahab has failed? And if they do can they succeed before Cutlass Liz gets violent?
What seems like years ago now, probably because it was, I remember seeing a few of Gideon Defoe's Pirates! books at Half Price Books and thinking they looked rather fun. I promptly forgot about them because do you realize the number of books I look at on a daily basis? It's seriously staggering. But shortly thereafter Lauren Willig mentioned them in passing as being hilarious so this confluence of events led me to order the first two books, handily sold as one volume, and I put it on my bookshelf and promptly forgot about them again. Fast forward to 2012 and Aardman Animation has adapted the first book for the screen. David Tennant, Hugh Grant, Russell Tovey, no wait, not Russell Tovey in the US, grumble, grumble, but once again I thought of the books and again promptly forgot. For some reason all my encounters with Gideon Defoe's work was promptly forgotten until his third book, The Pirates! In an Adventure with Communists, was picked out of the hat for book club in 2016. Not being one to start in the middle of a series I picked up my copy of the first two books, promptly fell in love, ordered the next three books and plundered my way through them all.
The thing is, I've always had a soft spot for pirates. This started quite young with my parents reading Irene Haas's The Maggie B. to me. A young girl wishes for a boat to travel the world in with her little brother. I wanted a boat just like it for myself. A pirate ship in miniature with flora and fauna and the coziest rooms you could ever imagine that weathered all storms. As I grew up there were Lego pirate ships and Playmobil pirate ships that actually floated helmed by my Star Wars figures. There were hideouts down by the railway tracks and in my back yard with hammocks, just like on a real pirate ship. There were other books too like Peter Pan and The Princess Bride, and tons of movies from The Goonies to Muppet Treasure Island to Hook. Finally there was Pirates of the Caribbean, opening night at Point Cinema on the UltraScreen with my girlfriends. Some were there to see Johnny Depp, some to see Orlando Bloom, and some to see an anvil three stories tall. I was there for the pirates!
But these Pirates! by Gideon Defoe, they are a breed apart. They are the love children of Blackadder and the briny deep, with historical cameos thrown in just as much as historical accuracy is thrown out. With this lovability that makes you just want to take them home give them a big feast predominately of ham and tell them a good bedtime story before tucking them in for the night. Gideon Defoe's writing combines the wit and love of footnotes of Terry Pratchett with the absurdity of Monty Python. Yet it's so uniquely his own that while I can draw comparisons all day it will never do justice to a series of books that need to be read for their hats and their love of ham. And I'm not joking that once you start you won't be able to stop until you've read them all. From Darwin and Bobo, the "man-panzee," to Ahab and what hunting the great white whale does to the Pirate Captain's sanity, to Wagner trying to blacken the name of Communism, to beekeeping on St. Helena where Napoleon causes quite a ruckus, to Byron and the Pirate Captain forming a true bromance while the Pirate Captain tries to woo Mary Godwin away from Shelley, you will just pillage your way through Defoe's prose.
Yet what makes this series really unique is that, aside from them being kind of hopeless as pirates, is that the characters names aren't really names, instead being character descriptions. There's the Pirate Captain and his faithful number two, the pirate with a scarf, there's the pirate in green, the pirate with rickets, the albino pirate, Jennifer, and every one's least favorite pirate, the pirate in red. While this could be viewed as just a humorous joke at the readers expense, I mean, think how many times we as readers when faced with a new story with oodles of characters has picked up on a character trait to remember them all by? Instead I don't think it's about readers and the inability to remember names, instead I think it's a clever conceit. While yes, there is a bit of poking fun at stereotypes, I think it actually goes beyond this and is making the character archetypes. The Pirate Captain is THE DEFINITIVE pirate captain. He's the only one that matters, suck it Black Bellamy! Just like the pirate with a scarf is the perfect number two, and the pirate in red is the perfect red shirt for us to hate on. These are the lovable essence of all the pirates we wanted to sail the high seas with as a kid and therefore we gleefully go with them wherever that may be. Even if there might be ghosts. And we all know how scared pirates are of ghosts!
In fact I think that the film by Aardman Animation, The Pirates! Band of Misfits, is doing a disservice to the books. While these pirates are true characters by making them cartoonishly animated it has turned them into caricatures. This movie has lessened them. In the books they are larger than life fiendish friends, on the screen they are a kind of boring movie. Which is really odd when you consider that Gideon Defoe wrote the screenplay. When I think back to when I first saw the movie, it in no way made me want to rush out and read the books, which is such a shame. Think of all those people out in the world who are judging these books based on that movie? The movie has far more "presence" and it's overshadowing these lovely, sweet, and comical adventures. When reading the books I thought how much they reminded me of the TV series Galavant. There's an absurdity and a gallantry and a sense of humor that makes it similar to The Pirates! Plus done as live action, there's a basis in reality with having actors like the brilliant Timothy Omundson bring the characters to life. This humor works best with the dichotomy of the absurd versus the real. Which leads me into my next point, when is there going to be a live action movie with Timothy Omundson as the Pirate Captain?
As for why I chose to pick their adventure with Ahab as my favorite? Partly it's because I had yet to read them hanging out with the Romantics last year, but also it has to do with this balance of fantasy and reality that elevates the humor in these books. In taking The Pirates! and placing them in their natural setting you get to see how atrocious they actually are as pirates. The fact that when they desperately need money to pay for their new boat that actual piracy is their second to last resort shows where their priorities lie. They'd rather look at clouds and have feasts with ham. Again and again it's brought home how not at home they are on the sea. They know nothing about whales! As for mermaids... well, the Pirate Captain did date a rather attractive halibut for three months thinking the rather normal fish was something more... While Black Bellamy may be a successful pirate, he isn't that enjoyable a pirate to be around. He's too suave, too together. I actually like my pirates a little on the lost side. Perhaps that is the one thing that the movie got right? They are a band of misfits, and I love them so much for not conforming to any stereotype. They are archetypes and I love them!
April 2, 2019
"Life at sea was tough and unforgiving, and tensions could run quite high on board a pirate boat, especially when crockery was limited and people didn't always do their washing-up, but generally the pirates all got along fine."
I started reading this two-in-one paperback right after re-watching Gilbert and Sullivan's The Pirates of Penzance and re-riding Disneyland's Pirates of the Caribbean ride, so I was in the perfect frame of mind for these silly adventures. The Pirates! books are pirating spoofs with some history and footnote-facts thrown in. Overall, they're fun, not-to-be-taken-seriously reads.
Related Reads:
My Lady's Choosing (Curran & Zageris)
I started reading this two-in-one paperback right after re-watching Gilbert and Sullivan's The Pirates of Penzance and re-riding Disneyland's Pirates of the Caribbean ride, so I was in the perfect frame of mind for these silly adventures. The Pirates! books are pirating spoofs with some history and footnote-facts thrown in. Overall, they're fun, not-to-be-taken-seriously reads.
Related Reads:
My Lady's Choosing (Curran & Zageris)
December 19, 2017
This double-barrel book, containing not one but TWO rollicking adventures back-to-back and upside down, is worth the read if you're looking for cleverness in design and comedy in content. There are some original features featured in this volume that I've never seen before and some juvenile humor that directly appeals to the 'go ahead and amuse me' side of my character.
Undoubtedly the sequels are just as good. I think I'll do something unprecedented myself and recommend them too even though I haven't read them. Aarrrrh! It's what any armchair pirate would do!
Undoubtedly the sequels are just as good. I think I'll do something unprecedented myself and recommend them too even though I haven't read them. Aarrrrh! It's what any armchair pirate would do!
March 9, 2019
What a great quick, fun read these books are. You get two books in one (sort of). They are not quite short stories, not quiet novellas, but just a lot of fun. I recommend them for commutes to work or family events. This tongue in cheek approach to pirating is something any seafaring individual may enjoy. It has foot notes that even encourage the fun (who knows what is fact and what is not). A great, fast, giggly read and adventure for most ages. Very entertaining.
September 24, 2019
I picked this up because it showed up on a few best Humor books lists and September 19 was Talk Like a Pirate Day! It was a very, very short read, thankfully. A couple of chapters in I realized this book was better suited to my 14 year old. The book was cute and quirky and it's appeal lasted until around the 20th time they put the word Piratical in front of a noun. My understanding is this is one of a whole series. I would encourage my children to read it, but certainly not myself.
January 16, 2025
I read several reviews before deciding to read this book, and one description truly describes this book: "madcap shenanigans." I have not seen the movie yet (tho I will after reading this book), but I couldn't help envisioning the narration along the lines of Wallace and Grommit and Chicken Run animation, with a hilarious pirate tilt. Adventures include whale catching with Ahab, Black Bellamy, sexy Cutlass Liz, and and a sail to Vegas for the shows! Be prepared to laugh out loud!
March 5, 2018
This is a really fun and goofy set of stories. I liked the unique format of offering both books together. I also enjoyed the footnote facts throughout the book. It offered an interesting contrast to the characters anachronistic adventures and the selected facts were interesting. This is a great choice when looking for a fun quick read.
June 25, 2017
As the first of the adventures of the Pirate Captain, this was my first introduction to the silliness. Fun and totally crazy.
July 28, 2017
Best book series of all time!
At the end of this book Mr. Defoe gives us a hundred or so titles for more Pirates! books and I would read all of them with gusto!
At the end of this book Mr. Defoe gives us a hundred or so titles for more Pirates! books and I would read all of them with gusto!
September 7, 2018
I really enjoy the fun light humor
January 2, 2020
Wonderful!
February 20, 2020
It's only 200 pages or so. Even then, I wished I had mastered speed reading.
#tinyreviews
#tinyreviews
March 7, 2020
This book was ridiculous haha
I will say I learned a few things and was thoroughly entertained lol
I listen to this on audio book at the gym for 3 or 4 days lol
I will say I learned a few things and was thoroughly entertained lol
I listen to this on audio book at the gym for 3 or 4 days lol
May 8, 2020
Two genuinely funny short novels, as a group of very silly pirates meet with Charles Darwin (less interested in evolutionary theory than in using his man-panzee Mister Bobo to impress women) in the first book, and make a variety of attempts at making money that leads them to a humorless Captain Ahab in the second. Quick reads, and absolutely delightful.
November 1, 2020
Two entertaining, humorous tales with pirates - the adventure with Scientists was adapted into a pretty good movie.
Enjoyable reads.
Enjoyable reads.
January 18, 2021
Love it
Love it
It really funny and easy to be understanding.
The story is about how to protect your beloved ones
Love it
It really funny and easy to be understanding.
The story is about how to protect your beloved ones
June 14, 2008
If you're looking for a book like Pirates of the Carribean, don't read this. If you want cowardice, ignorance, and foolishness on a grand scale, and a laugh so hard your family can't sleep, buy this book. I bought it by accident, mostly to see if my students would like it, and laughed for days.
The premise is that there are pirates who can visit Las Vegas, Victorian London, Charles Darwin, and Ahab. It's all so well done that you wouldn't question anyway, but in case you lose your mind and DO question, there are all sorts of cool footnotes (each one impeccable sourced) that prove why pirates COULD have visited Nantucket in the heyday of the whaling business, as well as have a rock fight in the Natural History Museum in London while citing the atomic weight of the minerals they are chucking at each other. Apparently, pirates enjoy dinosaur masks, ham (just go with it... the book's a lot better if you stop thinking and laugh), and their Pirate Captain, who has the most luxuriant beard on the high seas.
The Pirates' problem is that they've bought into their own mystique. They pirate because they wholeheartedly believe that they are dashing and amazing and dangerous. In reality (or at least in The Pirates reality), they're goofy and childlike and well-armed. There are an alarming number of stabbings, people cut in half, keelhaulings, and pirates dressed like krill to be dragged behind the ship. The innate unreliability of the Pirate Captain makes him more attractive, somehow... he answers the question, "Can a person be aggressively uncertain?" The answer is a resounding yes!
The premise is that there are pirates who can visit Las Vegas, Victorian London, Charles Darwin, and Ahab. It's all so well done that you wouldn't question anyway, but in case you lose your mind and DO question, there are all sorts of cool footnotes (each one impeccable sourced) that prove why pirates COULD have visited Nantucket in the heyday of the whaling business, as well as have a rock fight in the Natural History Museum in London while citing the atomic weight of the minerals they are chucking at each other. Apparently, pirates enjoy dinosaur masks, ham (just go with it... the book's a lot better if you stop thinking and laugh), and their Pirate Captain, who has the most luxuriant beard on the high seas.
The Pirates' problem is that they've bought into their own mystique. They pirate because they wholeheartedly believe that they are dashing and amazing and dangerous. In reality (or at least in The Pirates reality), they're goofy and childlike and well-armed. There are an alarming number of stabbings, people cut in half, keelhaulings, and pirates dressed like krill to be dragged behind the ship. The innate unreliability of the Pirate Captain makes him more attractive, somehow... he answers the question, "Can a person be aggressively uncertain?" The answer is a resounding yes!
August 4, 2013
I picked this book up for $5 at HPB. They were both pretty amusing stories and I did in fact laugh out loud at both of them. However, they're both REALLY short, only ~100 pages each, so not much really happens in them. Additionally, I had a hard time figuring out what the intended audience was. If you've seen the movie Pirates: Band of Misfits, these are the books the movie is (pretty loosely in the end) based on, and that movie I am about 85% sure was directed at kids/a young audience. But the book has some humor that I wouldn't really consider "kid friendly" if I can be so lame as to use that term. All in all, they're pretty amusing, really silly, not very plot-y stories and if you've got a day at the beach or where you're looking for a light read then you can probably do worse than to pick this book up. I know there are some other novels in the series and (I could be mistaken but) from the looks of things, those look to be longer novels, which might help the story a little more. Also, one of the other novels is called The Pirates! In an Adventure with the Romantics so you know I have to get my hands on that one if it's the last thing I do.
August 5, 2016
In this double feature, Gideon Defoe (No relation to the author of Robinson Crusoe) pens the rip roaring adventures of a crew of rather stupid and lazy Pirates Who Don't Do Anything. Led by their vain and magnificently bearded Pirate Captain, the crew (including the pirate wearing a scarf, the sassy pirate and the pirate with gout) sails the Spanish Main meeting famous historical-ish figures and flirting with pretty girls. Despite dangers and drama along the way, the pirates manage to get through their adventures with minimal losses.
In An Adventure with Scientists the pirates meet Charles Darwin and help him rescue his kidnapped brother while impressing London with a trained monkey. In An Adventure with Ahab the pirates go into debt and are forced to actually work to pay it off. This involves plundering nearby vessels and helping Captain Ahab find his nemesis, the white whale. Best of all, a variety of clever disguises are donned along the way.
In An Adventure with Scientists the pirates meet Charles Darwin and help him rescue his kidnapped brother while impressing London with a trained monkey. In An Adventure with Ahab the pirates go into debt and are forced to actually work to pay it off. This involves plundering nearby vessels and helping Captain Ahab find his nemesis, the white whale. Best of all, a variety of clever disguises are donned along the way.
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