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A History of the Wife
A History of the Wife weaves a complex tapestry as it outlines the roles, customs, and cultural position of women in Western marriage. The work is engaging, filled with interesting anecdotes and stories, and is an incredibly lively read on a thoroughly interesting subject much in need of a closer look. In breadth, the book ranges from biblical times to the present, and in sheer scale it attempts to present a unified series of
images of the Western wife over the course of some 2,000 years. In doing so, Professor Yalom has presented us an interesting grid, well conceived and wonderfully written, with which we can begin to examine this cultural phenomenon.
One of the main strengths of the work is its
method: Yalom draws heavily on diaries, newspapers, journals, and personal letters, and she interweaves these with citations from the laws, general customs of the times, religious rites, and civic procedure. By moving in a very fluid way from the abstract to the particular, what we see emerging, in each era, is a lively picture of how the general affected the individual. The book makes it real, makes us wonder, and helps to recover for us so many of the lost voices of women over the centuries, silenced by the overshadowing "great men" approach to history. These are not so much the stories of "great women" as they are the telling of everyday life. In reading them we get a fuller sense of what the time and place may have been like for the women whose voices we are listening to. It is the dignity of these everyday voices that holds us, intrigues us, and invites us to read further. A History of the Wife links the ancient, the medieval, the Victorian, and the modern, and makes a strong historical and narrative case for its subject.
Along the way, we are treated to many interesting insights, observations, and historical facts: Nero was officially married five times -- three times to women, twice to boys; until the Middle Ages, marriages in Catholic Europe often did not involve any ceremony at all, and "church weddings" do not appear on the scene until well into the evolution of Christian Europe. The role of women changes slowly in the West, and the role of
religion, from the biblical period through early Christianity to the changes brought by the Reformation and the voyages to the New World, are mapped for us in a sweeping overview.
A particularly strong section of the book is the documentation of the last 50 years of the cultural institution of marriage, and the vast changes brought by World War II and the cultural ferment of the '60s. This is made more impressive because of the compelling histories that the work recounts for us in the 2,000 years before our own era.
An old adage maintained that "everyone needs a wife"; this lively book tells us who followed that adage, why and how they did so, and how we got to where we are now.
images of the Western wife over the course of some 2,000 years. In doing so, Professor Yalom has presented us an interesting grid, well conceived and wonderfully written, with which we can begin to examine this cultural phenomenon.
One of the main strengths of the work is its
method: Yalom draws heavily on diaries, newspapers, journals, and personal letters, and she interweaves these with citations from the laws, general customs of the times, religious rites, and civic procedure. By moving in a very fluid way from the abstract to the particular, what we see emerging, in each era, is a lively picture of how the general affected the individual. The book makes it real, makes us wonder, and helps to recover for us so many of the lost voices of women over the centuries, silenced by the overshadowing "great men" approach to history. These are not so much the stories of "great women" as they are the telling of everyday life. In reading them we get a fuller sense of what the time and place may have been like for the women whose voices we are listening to. It is the dignity of these everyday voices that holds us, intrigues us, and invites us to read further. A History of the Wife links the ancient, the medieval, the Victorian, and the modern, and makes a strong historical and narrative case for its subject.
Along the way, we are treated to many interesting insights, observations, and historical facts: Nero was officially married five times -- three times to women, twice to boys; until the Middle Ages, marriages in Catholic Europe often did not involve any ceremony at all, and "church weddings" do not appear on the scene until well into the evolution of Christian Europe. The role of women changes slowly in the West, and the role of
religion, from the biblical period through early Christianity to the changes brought by the Reformation and the voyages to the New World, are mapped for us in a sweeping overview.
A particularly strong section of the book is the documentation of the last 50 years of the cultural institution of marriage, and the vast changes brought by World War II and the cultural ferment of the '60s. This is made more impressive because of the compelling histories that the work recounts for us in the 2,000 years before our own era.
An old adage maintained that "everyone needs a wife"; this lively book tells us who followed that adage, why and how they did so, and how we got to where we are now.
464 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2001
144 people are currently reading
7139 people want to read
About the author
Marilyn Yalom
28 books200 followersMarilyn Yalom grew up in Washington D.C. and was educated at Wellesley College, the Sorbonne, Harvard and Johns Hopkins. She has been a professor of French and comparative literature, director of an institute for research on women, a popular speaker on the lecture circuit, and the author of numerous books and articles on literature and women's history.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 161 reviews
February 3, 2019
This book was a delight to read and very informative, but it's mainly about white women of English descent and how the roles of wives has changed in the UK and US. It's very West Eurocentric, but it has broadened my understanding on the topic considerably.
March 19, 2014
TL;DR: Yalom does a great job of summarizing her material, though there are some issues along the way.
To effectively review A History of the Wife, let’s start with some of the alternative titles that I think this book could (or should) have:
A History of the Wife in the Occident/West
A History of Wives in the United States, Including Historical Background Materials
A History of Women, with a Concentration upon Wives
Why Women Should Be Proud of Their Freedoms
A History of the Interactions between Men and Women
I want to be crystal clear on this point: I am not denigrating, insulting, or otherwise putting the purpose of this volume down in offering these alternative titles. I am merely pointing out my first point as succinctly as possible: I’m not sure that this book was appropriately named. I’ll explain and tie this back below. To fully understand my critique, let’s start with the problems I think Yalom’s book has:
First, when I first got my hands on this book, I thought ‘Oh, great! I always wanted to learn about wives the world over!’ As I started reading through it, I quickly realized that the scope of this work was much narrower than what I initially believed it to be. Yalom never makes a sustained reference to the Orient, Africa, Australia, or basically anywhere else on the planet besides Europe and the United States. While Europe is a strong focal point of wives in the West, there must certainly be a fascinating history of wives (or something akin to the term) in the East. Thus, the problem is that this book says that it is a history of “the Wife,” yet it doesn’t own up to the title since it concentrates on a very specific segment of the world. Even in that segment, it quickly loses the grand scheme of its design—the book starts in the ancient world, moves to Greece/Rome, moves to the western portions of Europe, and then ends in the United States. That is not just a geographical tracing of the subject, but also a chronological one. In other words, if you want to know what modern brides are like in Greece, you will need to go outside of this book. If you want to know what brides were like when they crossed the Bering Land Bridge (to form the American Indian tribes), you will need to go outside of this book.
Second, this book has an agenda. I don’t have a problem with that, and I suspected it going in, as the back material suggests it (it is worded: “For any woman who is, has been, or ever will be married, this intellectually vigorous…analysis…”). However, I think the project gets in the way of the material just a little. Yalom is not shy about telling us her reasons for the work, nor does she demure in proudly tying the background material to the present day advances that women have made. To that I say resoundingly: GOOD! GREAT! Seriously, great! But scale back the rhetoric directed at women and instead, you know, maybe just direct it at people. I’m married; my wife bought me this as a kind of gag gift (“Honey, now you have to know about how to take care of me!”) but also because she knows that I appreciate intellectual works, especially for traditionally disadvantaged groups. While reading it, I felt like this book was more ‘GO TEAM’ than ‘So, look—women had it bad. Let’s ALL talk about that.’ I did get the latter vibe in the book, but this was subsumed sometimes under the former.
This ties to the third point I want to make: Sometimes in the book Yalom lost sight of wives and instead concentrated on women. Again, I have no problems with this, but a better title for the book may have been in order. I will offer a great deal of credit where it is due: She seems to recognize this in some sections, and she makes prodigious efforts to tie those sections back to the main focus. In addition, I admit that the subject does tend to lean heavily upon independent women, not all of whom were married. As such, it was a delicate balance that she needed to strike in the work. Thus, please understand that as a reviewer I am cautioning you, the future reader/potential reader of her book that this may strike you too. I am not knocking the issue, just noting it in passing.
Fourth (and finally) in criticism is an issue that will lead me into my praise: If you have had a basic liberal education at a 4-year institution, Yalom’s book might not have that much to offer you. Specifically, if you have had a class in Greek culture, a history of the West (preferably Europe and the States), and a British Literature I course, you have about 60-80% of this book already covered (assuming that you had decent teachers). Put another way, much of this book is simply a review of things you have already read. For instance, you probably already know about wives in Greece in relation to Greek homosexuality, the works of Kempe, and the women’s movements of the last century…
Which brings me to my praise: If you have NOT had that kind of education, or if your education wasn’t in the arts/history, then this book was written for you. It has excellent information on wives in the periods that I mentioned, takes a scholarly tone throughout (though watch for the agenda), and attempts to tie all of its information together to a cohesive argument.
Okay, I admit it: You (my reader) are probably saying to yourself—“You can’t have your point both ways! You just gave backhand compliments on everything!” I realize it comes across this way. When I thought about how to write this review, trust me, I thought long and hard about these things. The fact is that I like this book. A lot. When my daughter is older, I hope to coerce her into reading it, as it think that any woman in the West needs to know this information. I admire Yalom’s project and feel that it accomplishes what she set out to do. This is a tough topic to strike the right balance on; though there are some rough spots, on the whole she does a wonderful job.
To wrap up my praise, I can only say this: If I were to teach a course on feminist studies, this would be on the reading list. If I were to offer a short one-volume analysis of the wife to any person, this would be the one. If I wanted to summarize/start any person on a liberal education of women in the West, this would be the volume I would pick. I think those are high compliments given what other texts I have read in my career (I have a BA and MA in English studies, with strong interests in history and philosophy, including basic feminist texts). I hope that you, my reader, find something of value in her work as well.
To effectively review A History of the Wife, let’s start with some of the alternative titles that I think this book could (or should) have:
A History of the Wife in the Occident/West
A History of Wives in the United States, Including Historical Background Materials
A History of Women, with a Concentration upon Wives
Why Women Should Be Proud of Their Freedoms
A History of the Interactions between Men and Women
I want to be crystal clear on this point: I am not denigrating, insulting, or otherwise putting the purpose of this volume down in offering these alternative titles. I am merely pointing out my first point as succinctly as possible: I’m not sure that this book was appropriately named. I’ll explain and tie this back below. To fully understand my critique, let’s start with the problems I think Yalom’s book has:
First, when I first got my hands on this book, I thought ‘Oh, great! I always wanted to learn about wives the world over!’ As I started reading through it, I quickly realized that the scope of this work was much narrower than what I initially believed it to be. Yalom never makes a sustained reference to the Orient, Africa, Australia, or basically anywhere else on the planet besides Europe and the United States. While Europe is a strong focal point of wives in the West, there must certainly be a fascinating history of wives (or something akin to the term) in the East. Thus, the problem is that this book says that it is a history of “the Wife,” yet it doesn’t own up to the title since it concentrates on a very specific segment of the world. Even in that segment, it quickly loses the grand scheme of its design—the book starts in the ancient world, moves to Greece/Rome, moves to the western portions of Europe, and then ends in the United States. That is not just a geographical tracing of the subject, but also a chronological one. In other words, if you want to know what modern brides are like in Greece, you will need to go outside of this book. If you want to know what brides were like when they crossed the Bering Land Bridge (to form the American Indian tribes), you will need to go outside of this book.
Second, this book has an agenda. I don’t have a problem with that, and I suspected it going in, as the back material suggests it (it is worded: “For any woman who is, has been, or ever will be married, this intellectually vigorous…analysis…”). However, I think the project gets in the way of the material just a little. Yalom is not shy about telling us her reasons for the work, nor does she demure in proudly tying the background material to the present day advances that women have made. To that I say resoundingly: GOOD! GREAT! Seriously, great! But scale back the rhetoric directed at women and instead, you know, maybe just direct it at people. I’m married; my wife bought me this as a kind of gag gift (“Honey, now you have to know about how to take care of me!”) but also because she knows that I appreciate intellectual works, especially for traditionally disadvantaged groups. While reading it, I felt like this book was more ‘GO TEAM’ than ‘So, look—women had it bad. Let’s ALL talk about that.’ I did get the latter vibe in the book, but this was subsumed sometimes under the former.
This ties to the third point I want to make: Sometimes in the book Yalom lost sight of wives and instead concentrated on women. Again, I have no problems with this, but a better title for the book may have been in order. I will offer a great deal of credit where it is due: She seems to recognize this in some sections, and she makes prodigious efforts to tie those sections back to the main focus. In addition, I admit that the subject does tend to lean heavily upon independent women, not all of whom were married. As such, it was a delicate balance that she needed to strike in the work. Thus, please understand that as a reviewer I am cautioning you, the future reader/potential reader of her book that this may strike you too. I am not knocking the issue, just noting it in passing.
Fourth (and finally) in criticism is an issue that will lead me into my praise: If you have had a basic liberal education at a 4-year institution, Yalom’s book might not have that much to offer you. Specifically, if you have had a class in Greek culture, a history of the West (preferably Europe and the States), and a British Literature I course, you have about 60-80% of this book already covered (assuming that you had decent teachers). Put another way, much of this book is simply a review of things you have already read. For instance, you probably already know about wives in Greece in relation to Greek homosexuality, the works of Kempe, and the women’s movements of the last century…
Which brings me to my praise: If you have NOT had that kind of education, or if your education wasn’t in the arts/history, then this book was written for you. It has excellent information on wives in the periods that I mentioned, takes a scholarly tone throughout (though watch for the agenda), and attempts to tie all of its information together to a cohesive argument.
Okay, I admit it: You (my reader) are probably saying to yourself—“You can’t have your point both ways! You just gave backhand compliments on everything!” I realize it comes across this way. When I thought about how to write this review, trust me, I thought long and hard about these things. The fact is that I like this book. A lot. When my daughter is older, I hope to coerce her into reading it, as it think that any woman in the West needs to know this information. I admire Yalom’s project and feel that it accomplishes what she set out to do. This is a tough topic to strike the right balance on; though there are some rough spots, on the whole she does a wonderful job.
To wrap up my praise, I can only say this: If I were to teach a course on feminist studies, this would be on the reading list. If I were to offer a short one-volume analysis of the wife to any person, this would be the one. If I wanted to summarize/start any person on a liberal education of women in the West, this would be the volume I would pick. I think those are high compliments given what other texts I have read in my career (I have a BA and MA in English studies, with strong interests in history and philosophy, including basic feminist texts). I hope that you, my reader, find something of value in her work as well.
January 13, 2022
When I began this book, I thought it'd be four stars. The author has an engaging style and is eminently readable. But starting out on Jewish, Christian, Greek and Roman wives, it soon moved to Medieval Europe; then it started narrowing itself down to England; and then it sailed along with the pilgrim fathers to America and stayed there mostly. The last two chapters were totally USA-centric.
This is not a "History of the Wife", it is a "History of Mostly-American-and-Some-Western-European-Wives". There is nary a mention of East Europe, the Middle East, the Indian subcontinent or the Far East.
You can happily give this book a miss.
This is not a "History of the Wife", it is a "History of Mostly-American-and-Some-Western-European-Wives". There is nary a mention of East Europe, the Middle East, the Indian subcontinent or the Far East.
You can happily give this book a miss.
January 16, 2022
3.5 stars
An engaging social history, though nothing revolutionary. As others have said, this book covers familiar ground: it’s about white women in the U.S. and, in prior eras, in places traditionally seen as cultural precursors to the U.S. (ancient Greece and Rome, medieval Europe, early modern England). If you’ve taken a couple of good 101-level history courses, or even read a lot of high-quality historical fiction, you’re unlikely to find much here that’s truly surprising. Aside from its fairly moderate feminism (and come on, anyone who can discuss the details of topics like married women being the legal property of their husbands without coming across as feminist is incredibly reactionary), overall this comes across as a very “traditional” depiction of history. For instance, even when it’s clear from the narrative that women’s circumstances have sometimes deteriorated, Yalom still seems to be working with an understanding of history as relentless forward progress and so backsliding is treated as a blip or not really discussed.
That said, what the book does, it does well: the writing is engaging enough that I happily read all 400 pages despite not feeling like I was actually learning much (admittedly, I’m an easy sell on women’s social history). In part, this about a smooth, well-informed but accessible writing style, and in part, because it includes lots of personal stories from historical documents, mostly featuring women who were in no way famous and whose struggles and triumphs are compellingly depicted. Within the book’s narrow national and racial scope, Yalom writes about a wide variety of wives whose backgrounds and marital experiences differ wildly, and the personal stories bring a lot to the book. And of course, for readers who haven’t taken college-level courses or their equivalent in western history, or who have little idea what life was like for women in other eras, this could be highly educational reading.
An engaging social history, though nothing revolutionary. As others have said, this book covers familiar ground: it’s about white women in the U.S. and, in prior eras, in places traditionally seen as cultural precursors to the U.S. (ancient Greece and Rome, medieval Europe, early modern England). If you’ve taken a couple of good 101-level history courses, or even read a lot of high-quality historical fiction, you’re unlikely to find much here that’s truly surprising. Aside from its fairly moderate feminism (and come on, anyone who can discuss the details of topics like married women being the legal property of their husbands without coming across as feminist is incredibly reactionary), overall this comes across as a very “traditional” depiction of history. For instance, even when it’s clear from the narrative that women’s circumstances have sometimes deteriorated, Yalom still seems to be working with an understanding of history as relentless forward progress and so backsliding is treated as a blip or not really discussed.
That said, what the book does, it does well: the writing is engaging enough that I happily read all 400 pages despite not feeling like I was actually learning much (admittedly, I’m an easy sell on women’s social history). In part, this about a smooth, well-informed but accessible writing style, and in part, because it includes lots of personal stories from historical documents, mostly featuring women who were in no way famous and whose struggles and triumphs are compellingly depicted. Within the book’s narrow national and racial scope, Yalom writes about a wide variety of wives whose backgrounds and marital experiences differ wildly, and the personal stories bring a lot to the book. And of course, for readers who haven’t taken college-level courses or their equivalent in western history, or who have little idea what life was like for women in other eras, this could be highly educational reading.
March 18, 2020
Atskats vēsturē par sievas lomu no Antīkajiem laikiem līdz mūsdienām. Ja pirmās nodaļas par senāko laiku likās gana saistošas, tad par jaunākajiem laikiem, ar koncentrēšanos uz ASV, bija jau pagarlaicīgi uzrakstīts.
May 13, 2013
This book describes the history of marriage as it relates to modern marriage in America. The lives of wives in the ancient world are examined by looking at wives in the Bible, Greek wives, and Roman wives. Yalom then marches on through history, examining Medieval Europe, early Protestant wives, republican wives in America and France, Victorian wives in England and the U.S. (including those on the frontier). She then gets into the more modern era and looks at the changing role of women and wives in the late 19th century and the history of issues such as sex, contraception, and abortion in the second half of the 19th century and the first half of the 20th. Finally, she looks at wives in WWII and briefly examines how the role of the wife has changed in the last 50 years.
The common theme of this book is that what it means to be a wife is always changing with time and with culture. The so-called traditional nuclear family of a mother homemaker, a father breadwinner, and a couple of children is actually no more common than many other modes of family life. Throughout history, there have been times and places where both parents have worked, where children were sent elsewhere once they reached a certain ages, and where the household was much more diverse (extended family, servants, apprentices, etc.). Sometimes women were assumed to be more full of sexual desires than men and sometimes women were assumed to be frigid towers of purity.
Marriage can be an economic relationship, a political relationship, or a emotional relationship. These days, we think that it should be primarily an emotional relationship, but throughout much of history, that idea was ridiculous; marriage was a way to solidify political ties or increase your economic worth. Over time, love became an important factor in choosing a spouse, but it is only recently (since women started becoming more independent, in fact) that love and personality became the primary factors when choosing a spouse.
Yalom also makes the point that what seem like modern issues about sex, contraception, and abortion actually have histories going back hundreds of years (and a public history going back about 150 years). The unequal sexual freedoms accepted for men and women have been the issue of private discussion many centuries, and women have always shared the secrets of contraception and medicinally induced abortions since at least the middle ages. Ancient cultures practiced infanticide, and while it was never approved, there were times when it was certainly ignored. What changed in the last 150 years is that this discussion has become public.
In short, the role of the wife is constantly evolving (as are the closely related issues of the husband, children, and sex). Acknowledging this is important; it shows the error in thinking that marriage is now corrupted and ruined and that marriages of the past fit some idealized perfect mold. Marriage has always been changing; marriages may be less stable today, but beating ones wife and children is no longer acceptable. It is neither going downhill nor approaching some ideal; like all human institutions, it is just changing in response to the world around it and will continue to do so.
The common theme of this book is that what it means to be a wife is always changing with time and with culture. The so-called traditional nuclear family of a mother homemaker, a father breadwinner, and a couple of children is actually no more common than many other modes of family life. Throughout history, there have been times and places where both parents have worked, where children were sent elsewhere once they reached a certain ages, and where the household was much more diverse (extended family, servants, apprentices, etc.). Sometimes women were assumed to be more full of sexual desires than men and sometimes women were assumed to be frigid towers of purity.
Marriage can be an economic relationship, a political relationship, or a emotional relationship. These days, we think that it should be primarily an emotional relationship, but throughout much of history, that idea was ridiculous; marriage was a way to solidify political ties or increase your economic worth. Over time, love became an important factor in choosing a spouse, but it is only recently (since women started becoming more independent, in fact) that love and personality became the primary factors when choosing a spouse.
Yalom also makes the point that what seem like modern issues about sex, contraception, and abortion actually have histories going back hundreds of years (and a public history going back about 150 years). The unequal sexual freedoms accepted for men and women have been the issue of private discussion many centuries, and women have always shared the secrets of contraception and medicinally induced abortions since at least the middle ages. Ancient cultures practiced infanticide, and while it was never approved, there were times when it was certainly ignored. What changed in the last 150 years is that this discussion has become public.
In short, the role of the wife is constantly evolving (as are the closely related issues of the husband, children, and sex). Acknowledging this is important; it shows the error in thinking that marriage is now corrupted and ruined and that marriages of the past fit some idealized perfect mold. Marriage has always been changing; marriages may be less stable today, but beating ones wife and children is no longer acceptable. It is neither going downhill nor approaching some ideal; like all human institutions, it is just changing in response to the world around it and will continue to do so.
July 24, 2013
In many ways, this book illustrates why I rarely read non-fiction books, preferring instead to get my facts from magazines, journal articles, and news outlets. The prose is unexceptional and inconsistent, veering in tone between academic and chatty. The content is almost random, providing a lot of anecdotes but failing to provide what the title promises: a history of wife-hood.
A better name for this book would be: “A Background for American Wives of European Ancestry.” Admittedly (as was pointed out to me when I started complaining about it) the back of the book does note the Western focus of the book. So it’s not precisely fair to fault the book for not being what I wanted it to be: a clear view of the different legal and social obligations that have accompanied the concept of marriage in different time periods and cultures.
Instead, this book tells a quite familiar tale. No one with a passing acquaintance with Western History is going to learn anything new or shocking here. In keeping with the old idea that American culture is based on Greco-Roman society, Yalom starts off with ancient Greek and Roman marriages, proceeds to medieval and Renaissance Europe, spends quite a bit of time on Frontier wives in America, goes on to the Victorians, the effect of the early feminist movement, the development of contraception, the effect of WWII, and modern times (in the United States).
Even within the scope of the book, so many opportunities are lost. There is no discussion of how different cultures’ bringing their own marriage traditions and expectations to America is a factor in society, no mention of gay marriage or alternative family arrangements – nothing more challenging than a mild feminist perspective is included.
Rather than making a historical argument, or even really talking that much about the book’s topic, Yalom really has just collected a bunch of anecdotes about women throughout history who happened to be married. Luckily, many of them are really fascinating, interesting anecdotes. I love history, and I love reading things like old diary and letter excerpts to gain insight into others’ lives and perspectives. I didn’t mind keeping this book around for a bit, working my way through it by picking it up every so often to read the next segment…
A better name for this book would be: “A Background for American Wives of European Ancestry.” Admittedly (as was pointed out to me when I started complaining about it) the back of the book does note the Western focus of the book. So it’s not precisely fair to fault the book for not being what I wanted it to be: a clear view of the different legal and social obligations that have accompanied the concept of marriage in different time periods and cultures.
Instead, this book tells a quite familiar tale. No one with a passing acquaintance with Western History is going to learn anything new or shocking here. In keeping with the old idea that American culture is based on Greco-Roman society, Yalom starts off with ancient Greek and Roman marriages, proceeds to medieval and Renaissance Europe, spends quite a bit of time on Frontier wives in America, goes on to the Victorians, the effect of the early feminist movement, the development of contraception, the effect of WWII, and modern times (in the United States).
Even within the scope of the book, so many opportunities are lost. There is no discussion of how different cultures’ bringing their own marriage traditions and expectations to America is a factor in society, no mention of gay marriage or alternative family arrangements – nothing more challenging than a mild feminist perspective is included.
Rather than making a historical argument, or even really talking that much about the book’s topic, Yalom really has just collected a bunch of anecdotes about women throughout history who happened to be married. Luckily, many of them are really fascinating, interesting anecdotes. I love history, and I love reading things like old diary and letter excerpts to gain insight into others’ lives and perspectives. I didn’t mind keeping this book around for a bit, working my way through it by picking it up every so often to read the next segment…
September 21, 2018
Readable, enlightening, thorough, and well-organized. While this is a Western view of the role of wife, it covers wives of different classes, ethnicities, and periods in history with such a scope as to compare and contrast their lot throughout history and against those of the same period in different circumstances. Interesting, too, how, even hundreds of years later, wives are often seen in popular culture as a monolith and how women have yet to shed some of the frustrating stereotypes and expectations that were established in medieval times.
Recommended for supplemental information into gender, feminism, and women's history. So many of the prairie women, war wives, or women who broke out of the stereotype during the most oppressive eras can be described as nothing but heroes for all of us.
While this work is almost 20 years old, it doesn't feel dated. In fact, given the climate under Trump and the threat to Roe v. Wade, books such as this become more relevant if only to remind us how popular opinion differed with reference to birth control and abortion throughout history and how high a woman's ability to make her own reproductive choices have lifted her. Yalom doesn't judge women's choices in the book, whether they want to stay home, work, have children, not have children, have affairs, get divorced, or work on making marriage last. But she does help to emphasize the point that a women having these choices is important for equality between the sexes and female happiness and life satisfaction.
Recommended for supplemental information into gender, feminism, and women's history. So many of the prairie women, war wives, or women who broke out of the stereotype during the most oppressive eras can be described as nothing but heroes for all of us.
While this work is almost 20 years old, it doesn't feel dated. In fact, given the climate under Trump and the threat to Roe v. Wade, books such as this become more relevant if only to remind us how popular opinion differed with reference to birth control and abortion throughout history and how high a woman's ability to make her own reproductive choices have lifted her. Yalom doesn't judge women's choices in the book, whether they want to stay home, work, have children, not have children, have affairs, get divorced, or work on making marriage last. But she does help to emphasize the point that a women having these choices is important for equality between the sexes and female happiness and life satisfaction.
March 18, 2016
This book is so eye opening. It’s one thing to be vaguely aware that 200+ years ago thing were completely different for women, its another to travel through time with them, feel their sorrows, empathize with their fear, and realize that even our own grandmothers lived in a different world from modern marriages.
And we still have so far to go.
This book provided one of the best reading experiences of my life. It’s one of those books that changed me on a very personal level. I learned so much, and Yalom presents an easy to read, comprehensive history, of what the word “wife” has meant through the ages. I personally think it’s a must-read for all newly reads.
The book can be a bit dry at times, but I don’t think that will be off-putting for non-history people. I really cannot state how mindblowing I think this book is.
I also recommend Yalom’s “A History of the Breast,” although I did enjoy “ A History of the Wife” more.
And we still have so far to go.
This book provided one of the best reading experiences of my life. It’s one of those books that changed me on a very personal level. I learned so much, and Yalom presents an easy to read, comprehensive history, of what the word “wife” has meant through the ages. I personally think it’s a must-read for all newly reads.
The book can be a bit dry at times, but I don’t think that will be off-putting for non-history people. I really cannot state how mindblowing I think this book is.
I also recommend Yalom’s “A History of the Breast,” although I did enjoy “ A History of the Wife” more.
October 7, 2016
First, I think the title was a little misleading and should have been more A History of the Wife in Europe and Her Descendants in North America or something to that extent. In other words, she said very little about African-American women, and even less about women from the Indian nations, or Hispanic women in N. America. She mentioned European women often, especially in France and Great Britain. The History of the Wife living in Asia, South America, Africa, Australia, or Eastern Europe was mentioned not at all. So the title gives a false impression.
I expected the book to be written by a feminist, and it is. So that bias comes across strongly in the book and, again, I'm not sure "History of the Wife" is the best title. Perhaps History of Wives Moving into Feministic Culture or something like that.
That said, it really was an interesting book, whether or not I agree with her world view. I learned a lot and felt that it was worth reading to see how what is expected of a wife in 2016 is so much different from what was expected of a wife in history.
I expected the book to be written by a feminist, and it is. So that bias comes across strongly in the book and, again, I'm not sure "History of the Wife" is the best title. Perhaps History of Wives Moving into Feministic Culture or something like that.
That said, it really was an interesting book, whether or not I agree with her world view. I learned a lot and felt that it was worth reading to see how what is expected of a wife in 2016 is so much different from what was expected of a wife in history.
March 2, 2008
This book is so interesting about the history of the wife. It starts in biblical times, goes through Roman times, to Renassaince times, clear up to modern times and shows the differences and customs and reasons for marraige.
June 23, 2007
Something you would read in a women's studies class, but very readable and a page turner...makes you appreciate your husband and honor the women that broke the chains for us to make life for women easier...
May 19, 2024
I debated with myself over whether I was going to give a detailed review or just my score. I’ve concluded that I will say a few things. First I will say that my rating is out of respect for the research that the author must have done and considering the several pages of citation and references throughout the book, a kind of research was done. Quite a lot I will agree. However, I was not completely satisfied with this book.
First of all, this is not the book that I thought I was going to read. From the synopsis, I assumed that this would be a book educating on the various roles of wives throughout the centuries globally and culturally. I assumed I would be reading a culmination of historical and even scientific diverse and objective information. I obviously assumed wrong. There was an extreme lack of diversity, globally, culturally, historically and religiously. Basically in my opinion there was a specific narrative and audience and I don’t like being told what to think. I don’t like guided narration in what should be an objective look at a researched subject. To explain, it seemed to this reader that it was a look at “the wife” from what the author delivered as a certain “specific” religious point of view almost in a superior tone. There was more citing to support an opinion, than the citing as proof of various historic, cultural and even evolutionary scientific benchmarks of “the wife”. To be very blunt, my observations were these. If your history didn’t start with an ancient Greeks, Romans or Judeo Christian background, you weren’t mentioned here in this history of “the wife”. All other early cultures and ancient societies must not have married and had wives because they were not important enough to be reviewed by this author. Which is sad. A whole world of women uncounted because they were not Greek or Roman or Christian or as the book progressed..British or French or ..as the book progressed an American settler. There were very small, small minuscule attempts to mention Spanish women of Mexican American descent but it was a mention and much more could have been said. I sigh heavily as I begin to mention what was tossed into the book about Black women and wives. It was not accurate. It was not respectful. Let me say this, I amongst many other Black women would rather someone not even attempt to tell our history in any way, don’t even touch it with a ten foot pole, if you can’t speak from a place of truth, equality and respect. The same for First Nations American women. The same for all the diverse cultures of the world. If you don’t know us, and can’t take the time to truly understand our history and put respect on our journey..please just stay out. There is not just one narrative that minority or should I now say, majority. We all cannot be summed up by reading a few slave narratives and assuming you know us and our lineage. Everyone was not a slave. For there to be no mention of ancient African cultures, no mention of the various Black and Brown women in any positive historical note and then toss them in as slaves, maids and unmarried women in a book about wives is racially polarizing and frustrating. I was disappointed that we couldn’t be included in this book of wives. However, thankfully, there are many more books just for all of us portraying our love and loves in marriage in ways that are dignified and positively inclusive.
I will, give credit to this book for speaking about some of the things that it did. Even though it was at times repetitive and unnecessarily lengthy. I try to take something from everything that I read. What did I take? A lot of general information about wives in a historical way. I also learned to not expect everyone to tell inclusive history. Maybe because this was written in 2001, prior to the most recent wave of cultural empathy and appreciation. I give it a 3.
First of all, this is not the book that I thought I was going to read. From the synopsis, I assumed that this would be a book educating on the various roles of wives throughout the centuries globally and culturally. I assumed I would be reading a culmination of historical and even scientific diverse and objective information. I obviously assumed wrong. There was an extreme lack of diversity, globally, culturally, historically and religiously. Basically in my opinion there was a specific narrative and audience and I don’t like being told what to think. I don’t like guided narration in what should be an objective look at a researched subject. To explain, it seemed to this reader that it was a look at “the wife” from what the author delivered as a certain “specific” religious point of view almost in a superior tone. There was more citing to support an opinion, than the citing as proof of various historic, cultural and even evolutionary scientific benchmarks of “the wife”. To be very blunt, my observations were these. If your history didn’t start with an ancient Greeks, Romans or Judeo Christian background, you weren’t mentioned here in this history of “the wife”. All other early cultures and ancient societies must not have married and had wives because they were not important enough to be reviewed by this author. Which is sad. A whole world of women uncounted because they were not Greek or Roman or Christian or as the book progressed..British or French or ..as the book progressed an American settler. There were very small, small minuscule attempts to mention Spanish women of Mexican American descent but it was a mention and much more could have been said. I sigh heavily as I begin to mention what was tossed into the book about Black women and wives. It was not accurate. It was not respectful. Let me say this, I amongst many other Black women would rather someone not even attempt to tell our history in any way, don’t even touch it with a ten foot pole, if you can’t speak from a place of truth, equality and respect. The same for First Nations American women. The same for all the diverse cultures of the world. If you don’t know us, and can’t take the time to truly understand our history and put respect on our journey..please just stay out. There is not just one narrative that minority or should I now say, majority. We all cannot be summed up by reading a few slave narratives and assuming you know us and our lineage. Everyone was not a slave. For there to be no mention of ancient African cultures, no mention of the various Black and Brown women in any positive historical note and then toss them in as slaves, maids and unmarried women in a book about wives is racially polarizing and frustrating. I was disappointed that we couldn’t be included in this book of wives. However, thankfully, there are many more books just for all of us portraying our love and loves in marriage in ways that are dignified and positively inclusive.
I will, give credit to this book for speaking about some of the things that it did. Even though it was at times repetitive and unnecessarily lengthy. I try to take something from everything that I read. What did I take? A lot of general information about wives in a historical way. I also learned to not expect everyone to tell inclusive history. Maybe because this was written in 2001, prior to the most recent wave of cultural empathy and appreciation. I give it a 3.
February 19, 2020
3.5
A great book but it tapered off towards the end into very familiar feminist territory, which was fine, but nothing new. Perhaps the book could have been edited differently towards the end to stay on track, but it was good. Left lots of notes. Ultimately, published in the 2000's, it ends with dual income households, working wives, the second shift and work-home balance, and takes up the theory that money makes the marriage - or at least a financially independent woman is a happier woman, and a happier woman makes a happier wife.
A great book but it tapered off towards the end into very familiar feminist territory, which was fine, but nothing new. Perhaps the book could have been edited differently towards the end to stay on track, but it was good. Left lots of notes. Ultimately, published in the 2000's, it ends with dual income households, working wives, the second shift and work-home balance, and takes up the theory that money makes the marriage - or at least a financially independent woman is a happier woman, and a happier woman makes a happier wife.
June 29, 2023
Three stars rather than one because there was clearly a tremendous amount of research that went into this book, but this was just not it. I've got a lot of thoughts.
The first issue I encountered was when it said way back in the Middle Ages, women petitioned a lot less for divorces than men. Later on, in history, the divorces of women increased proportionally to men. Somehow, the author makes the conclusion that it meant women back then were happier in marriage than now .... ? Completely missing the part about how women back then COULDN'T get out of marriages because they were 100% financially dependent on the men and there were so few job opportunities for work. Divorcing meant many women ended up in dangerous sex working situations and demonized by society because there were no other options. Of course they were less likely to petition for divorce! Things had to be pretty bad to decide living on the streets was better. The author also didn't really delve into how women at certain times and in certain places weren't/aren't allowed to petition for a divorce excepting maybe a very narrow set of circumstances, whereas men are generally allowed to petition whenever for whatever reason. None of that really important nuance was explored.
-----
Now onto the larger issue I had with the book. I have seen other reviews suggest different titles; if I had to suggest a different title, it would be: A History of the Christian White Cis Straight Wife in the United States.
This book purports to be about the "Western world" but it's not, given that countries like Australia weren't mentioned at all, despite being part of the Western world. This is because "Western" here just means "White" and in the United States and Christian. People just call it "Western" to make it sound better. And this is going by the old definition of "White" where even Italians and Greeks and the Irish wouldn't have been considered White.
The book begins in the very northwestern tip of Europe, and then migrates over to "America" (but really "America" just means the United States because people aren't aware that "America" is actually two whole continents). The book is very clearly written with the end goal of describing the history that led to the White Christian wife in Modern-day United States. Everything is told from that perspective.
And of course, it's ok to write a book about the United States and the history of wives that led to it. But it's not ok to pretend everyone here it's about the whole United States. Everything in this book is told from the white perspective.
Black people *are* mentioned, but the majority of it is in the ways they served White people (what role did servants play in white marriages?). There is a small section on the marriages of Black people while they were enslaved, and the entirety of it is either in terms of how White people controlled those marriages (which is certainly something worth mentioning) and how they related to White marriages. "Like marriages between white people, black people blah blah blah," that kind of thing.
There was no mention of the cultural aspects of marriage that might have been brought over from Africa. Even though the entire first third/half of the book is talking about the cultural aspects of marriage that were brought over from Northwestern Europe. The effect of the World Wars on marriage was mentioned, but there was not a single discussion on the effect of mass incarceration/lynchings on marriages among Black people. Etc
There was some mention of Indigenous people, but they only come up in the context of the Pioneers interacting with them as they headed West and it's basically just a description some White woman wrote about Indigenous people - embarrassing. The author seems to be unaware that the entire Southwestern portion of the United States was colonized by Spaniards and inhabited by other Indigenous peoples and the Mestizos and Chicanos etc that resulted from those intersections. The cultural effects on marriage are profound, but evidently not important. It's one of those situations where all Indigenous people are the same and they all only existed when White people interacted with them.
Obviously, there was no mention of non-heterosexual relationships; it seems she's unaware that women can be wives with people other than men. No mention of DOMA, despite the fact that it would have been within the scope of this book. No mention of the LGBT movement that started with the Stonewall Riots that would have redefined how USians perceive marriage, etc. Somehow, none of that would make it into a book about the History of the Wife in the Western World.
I think there may have been a mention about Judaism, definitely nothing about Muslims, or Buddhists, or Sikhs or any other religion you might find in the United States. The farthest I saw that the book really deviated from Christianity was Mormons. Which are still Christians.
Is it really a book about the United States, let alone "the Wife" in general, if it only focuses on one single, very narrow demographic group? I'm thinking no.
So if you want to read a book about the historical development of the Wife, but you only want to learn about Christian, White, Straight, Cis people in the United States, then this is the book for you. If you're looking for anything broader than that, even just a history of the wife in the United States in general, this is not the book.
The first issue I encountered was when it said way back in the Middle Ages, women petitioned a lot less for divorces than men. Later on, in history, the divorces of women increased proportionally to men. Somehow, the author makes the conclusion that it meant women back then were happier in marriage than now .... ? Completely missing the part about how women back then COULDN'T get out of marriages because they were 100% financially dependent on the men and there were so few job opportunities for work. Divorcing meant many women ended up in dangerous sex working situations and demonized by society because there were no other options. Of course they were less likely to petition for divorce! Things had to be pretty bad to decide living on the streets was better. The author also didn't really delve into how women at certain times and in certain places weren't/aren't allowed to petition for a divorce excepting maybe a very narrow set of circumstances, whereas men are generally allowed to petition whenever for whatever reason. None of that really important nuance was explored.
-----
Now onto the larger issue I had with the book. I have seen other reviews suggest different titles; if I had to suggest a different title, it would be: A History of the Christian White Cis Straight Wife in the United States.
This book purports to be about the "Western world" but it's not, given that countries like Australia weren't mentioned at all, despite being part of the Western world. This is because "Western" here just means "White" and in the United States and Christian. People just call it "Western" to make it sound better. And this is going by the old definition of "White" where even Italians and Greeks and the Irish wouldn't have been considered White.
The book begins in the very northwestern tip of Europe, and then migrates over to "America" (but really "America" just means the United States because people aren't aware that "America" is actually two whole continents). The book is very clearly written with the end goal of describing the history that led to the White Christian wife in Modern-day United States. Everything is told from that perspective.
And of course, it's ok to write a book about the United States and the history of wives that led to it. But it's not ok to pretend everyone here it's about the whole United States. Everything in this book is told from the white perspective.
Black people *are* mentioned, but the majority of it is in the ways they served White people (what role did servants play in white marriages?). There is a small section on the marriages of Black people while they were enslaved, and the entirety of it is either in terms of how White people controlled those marriages (which is certainly something worth mentioning) and how they related to White marriages. "Like marriages between white people, black people blah blah blah," that kind of thing.
There was no mention of the cultural aspects of marriage that might have been brought over from Africa. Even though the entire first third/half of the book is talking about the cultural aspects of marriage that were brought over from Northwestern Europe. The effect of the World Wars on marriage was mentioned, but there was not a single discussion on the effect of mass incarceration/lynchings on marriages among Black people. Etc
There was some mention of Indigenous people, but they only come up in the context of the Pioneers interacting with them as they headed West and it's basically just a description some White woman wrote about Indigenous people - embarrassing. The author seems to be unaware that the entire Southwestern portion of the United States was colonized by Spaniards and inhabited by other Indigenous peoples and the Mestizos and Chicanos etc that resulted from those intersections. The cultural effects on marriage are profound, but evidently not important. It's one of those situations where all Indigenous people are the same and they all only existed when White people interacted with them.
Obviously, there was no mention of non-heterosexual relationships; it seems she's unaware that women can be wives with people other than men. No mention of DOMA, despite the fact that it would have been within the scope of this book. No mention of the LGBT movement that started with the Stonewall Riots that would have redefined how USians perceive marriage, etc. Somehow, none of that would make it into a book about the History of the Wife in the Western World.
I think there may have been a mention about Judaism, definitely nothing about Muslims, or Buddhists, or Sikhs or any other religion you might find in the United States. The farthest I saw that the book really deviated from Christianity was Mormons. Which are still Christians.
Is it really a book about the United States, let alone "the Wife" in general, if it only focuses on one single, very narrow demographic group? I'm thinking no.
So if you want to read a book about the historical development of the Wife, but you only want to learn about Christian, White, Straight, Cis people in the United States, then this is the book for you. If you're looking for anything broader than that, even just a history of the wife in the United States in general, this is not the book.
December 13, 2020
Very eurocentric, very "white feminism." I loved how many eras were covered in this book and loved reading the excerpts from letters/diaries written by women. But this book missed so many opportunities to discuss other cultures, religions, or queer relationships. The way she covered "wives of slave owners" was outright offensive. Sure, this was written in 2000, but I still don't think that's an excuse for her attempt to make white women (newsflash, they were slave owners, too) not culpable for the violence, trauma, and horrors of slavery. I'd recommend skipping that chapter altogether and instead reading They Were Her Property by Jones-Rogers. I also didn't appreciate how the author didn't make any sort of argument. The book just ends abruptly as soon as we reach modern times. Overall, I'm glad I read it but I didn't love it.
March 31, 2019
Read better than I expected; full of info that I expected it to read as a textbook. Basically confirmed that being a woman has never been fun 🙃
January 7, 2020
It only took me 2 1/2 years to finish this book!
September 1, 2019
This book is dry and painful. There is no introspection just regurgitated ancedotes. A chronological story isn't automatically interesting. I love the idea but hate the execution.
January 15, 2009
I'm about two or three chpaters in.
A few nights ago, I finished a book called A History of the Wife, which was part historical documentation and part sociological/anthropoligical review. It was a walk through the evolution of (Western) marriage over the last 4,000 or so years, and the last hundred have been particularly revolutionary.
Frankly, fuck traditional marriage. I don't want to be in a subservient relationship with my spouse. I don't want to have financial and social decisions in my and my family's life made by someone else. I don't want my primary responsiblity in life to be the household. I don't want to be bought and sold by my husband and my father. I don't want the basis of my relationship with my spouse to be procreation and whatever it is that he deems proper.
What's pretty amazing about the book, though, is how strongly it demonstrates the way that marriage has changed in this last half-century or so and how much we're on uncharted territory right now. It's hard to pinpoint any particular catalyst--education, westward expansion, evolving property and political rights, evolving family law--but I'd think that women beginning to demonstrate economical independence from their spouses really got the ball rolling. Women started working for pay en masse in the 1800s, but usually they'd stop working outside the home once they got married. WWII seems to have changed that. Wives were asked to pick up their husbands jobs, and they didn't really return to the kitchen after that.
What it means to be a wife in 2009 is very, very different than what it meant in 1909. A wife is likely to be an essential part of the economic well being of the family. She can vote. She can buy and sell her own property. She can leave her spouse. She can make determinations about her marriage based on love and sex rather than stability and the likelihood that her husband will provide for her.
An interesting subplot to the book that didn't get explored as much as I would have liked (though I asssume there are other sources I could go to if I wanted) is that traditional gender roles are looser in upper classes than they are in lower classes. Upper class males (at least according to the data cited in the book) aren't hung up as much on proving their masculenity by sticking to traditional gender roles as lower class males. I wonder, though, if that's changing too.
A few nights ago, I finished a book called A History of the Wife, which was part historical documentation and part sociological/anthropoligical review. It was a walk through the evolution of (Western) marriage over the last 4,000 or so years, and the last hundred have been particularly revolutionary.
Frankly, fuck traditional marriage. I don't want to be in a subservient relationship with my spouse. I don't want to have financial and social decisions in my and my family's life made by someone else. I don't want my primary responsiblity in life to be the household. I don't want to be bought and sold by my husband and my father. I don't want the basis of my relationship with my spouse to be procreation and whatever it is that he deems proper.
What's pretty amazing about the book, though, is how strongly it demonstrates the way that marriage has changed in this last half-century or so and how much we're on uncharted territory right now. It's hard to pinpoint any particular catalyst--education, westward expansion, evolving property and political rights, evolving family law--but I'd think that women beginning to demonstrate economical independence from their spouses really got the ball rolling. Women started working for pay en masse in the 1800s, but usually they'd stop working outside the home once they got married. WWII seems to have changed that. Wives were asked to pick up their husbands jobs, and they didn't really return to the kitchen after that.
What it means to be a wife in 2009 is very, very different than what it meant in 1909. A wife is likely to be an essential part of the economic well being of the family. She can vote. She can buy and sell her own property. She can leave her spouse. She can make determinations about her marriage based on love and sex rather than stability and the likelihood that her husband will provide for her.
An interesting subplot to the book that didn't get explored as much as I would have liked (though I asssume there are other sources I could go to if I wanted) is that traditional gender roles are looser in upper classes than they are in lower classes. Upper class males (at least according to the data cited in the book) aren't hung up as much on proving their masculenity by sticking to traditional gender roles as lower class males. I wonder, though, if that's changing too.
July 22, 2019
Very interesting historical overview of women as wives from Hewbrew times to the present with in depth examples and accounts. Great read!
"One indication that 18th century American women were not always so exemplary can be found in the newspaper announcements placed by husbands, stating that a wife had eloped from his bed and board or clandestinely left his home. Alongside notices of stray horses, fugitive slaves, and runaway servants, these announcements testify to domestic friction at every level of society."
"For a short period, between 1865 and 1880, there were even scores of marriages between whites and blacks and former Confederate States."
"In fact, South Carolina did not remove the official ban against interracial marriage from its statutes until 1999, and Alabama put off till the year 2000 its referendum to eliminate a similar provision".
" for example, women in Wyoming were allowed to vote as early as 1869, and three more western states legalized women's suffrage by 1896".
" Sarah Grimke, who had grown up in the South but moved to the North in order to pursue anti-slavery activities, critiqued the exclusively domestic orientation of women in her letters on the Equability of the Sexes 1837"
"One Southern doctor expressed the view that among the poor people in his part of the country, children of illegitimate birth were as common as those born in wedlock."
Bethania Owens-Adair
She fleed and abusive husband after four years of marriage at the age of 18 with a small child. She went back to school to complete her primary education eventually putting her son through college at Berkeley. She decided at this point to study medicine. " yet she managed to complete her medical training. Not only at The Eclectic school but also at the University of Michigan ---one of the first universities to Grant Medical degrees to women. She received hers in 1880 at the age of 40 and went on to become a legendary lady doctor in her native Oregon for the next 25 years."
"The conviction that a female person had the right to an autonomous existence"
"Throughout history, the independence of women seems to increase whenever they have access to money, either earned themselves or inherited."
"Is it possible to be really desired by any action except one's own? That question could certainly be applied to a Doll's House and Helmer's worry that his wife's forgery would tarnish his reputation"
" the new woman, with her thirst for education and economic self-sufficiency, her refusal to be coerced into marriage, and her desire to limit the number of her children, threatened the very foundations of the old order"
" the chief obstacle to a woman's success is that she can never have a wife"
" Boston marriages--- a term used for an enduring union between two single women"
Charlotte Perkins Gilman " women and economics" 1898... Insistence that female dependence upon male income was the primary reason for women's secondary status. Gilman recognized that the labor of women in their homes has a genuine economic value, and that it enables men to produce more wealth than they otherwise could. But this economic value is neither recognized by society nor equitably rewarded."
1873 law passed by Congress that barred use of the postal system for the distribution of any article or thing designer intended for the prevention of contraception or procuring of abortion
"She has to endure the pain, penalties and responsibilities, both before and afterward, and she can best judge of her Fitness and her powers of endurance"
Only abortions after quickening we're legally punishable, and even such cases were always difficult to prosecute. Quickening around the fourth month of pregnancy when a pregnant woman first feels fetal movement
After 1840, it became increasingly apparent that abortion was no longer confined to desperate single women. A high proportion of those attending abortions were married, native-born, produce Protestant women, frequently middle or upper class status. As legal historian Lawrence and Freeman is pointed out it went against the ideology of sacred motherhood to countenance abortion for married women, especially if they were white and middle-class. Anti-abortion activists condemn me a natural woman who got rid of her Offspring and blamed abortion for the decreasing birth rate of American Born, white children.
Dr. Horacio store succeeded in persuading the American Medical Association to condemn abortion on the grounds that it was medically dangerous in the 1850s
One of the findings of the Times report was it the abortion trade was not limited to the unwed. Wives from the middle and upper classes patronized abortionist more than lower-class single women, facts confirmed by The Physicians themselves. One of them, doctor odelia Blinn, recalled that the vast majority of women who'd asked for her for an abortion we're married. Unlike those who criticize such women for avoiding their wifely duties and for shamelessly committing a great evil, doctor Blinn turned her criticism to the husband, the one who shared equal if not greater responsibility for the wife's pregnancy in the first place.
The Kaiser company in Portland Oregon established and on-site round-the-clock Center at its two plants for children aged 18 months to 6 years with 25000 women workers and its shipyards and Progressive thinking on the part of its leaders, the Kaiser child service centers still stand as an example of what Private Industry might accomplish to alleviate the pressures on working mothers while providing real care for the children.
Book. The way we never were. Stephanie coontz
" my youngest... Was about 10 years old.... I found myself screaming my head off of her, because she left a finger mark on the wall. And it kind of brought me up short... I wasn't running a house, the house was running me. She told her husband she wanted to go back to work. I'm going to go get a job because my life has closed in on me to the point where I've lost my sense of values. I have to get out of this house! I have to be with other adults.
The more money a man-made and the higher his prestige in the community, the more decisions he controlled in the home. Yet these same prestigious husbands did more chores around the home than husbands with lesser status. It's as if the successful White Collar man had enough confidence to dismiss the fear that woman's work would taint them.
White house on Mother's Day for rights, not roses.
Kate Millett sexual politics 1970 revolutionize the reading of certain male authors, such as DH Lawrence and Henry Miller, by showing to what extent their depictions of sex were sadistically violent to women. Germaine Greer female eunuch turned men, rather than women, and just sex objects. Women, she argued, would not be fully liberated until they adopted the same sexual Freedom that men enjoyed, unencumbered by family and marriage.
I think therefore I'm single. Attributed to Lizz Winstead
"His" marriage continues to be better than "hers"... Single men do worse than married men on almost all measures of mental health... Whereas single women do better than married women on these same measures.
All the hourly wages of women without children are roughly 90% of men's, the comparable figure for women with children is 70%.
To be the intimate witness of another person's life is a privilege one can fully appreciate only with time
"One indication that 18th century American women were not always so exemplary can be found in the newspaper announcements placed by husbands, stating that a wife had eloped from his bed and board or clandestinely left his home. Alongside notices of stray horses, fugitive slaves, and runaway servants, these announcements testify to domestic friction at every level of society."
"For a short period, between 1865 and 1880, there were even scores of marriages between whites and blacks and former Confederate States."
"In fact, South Carolina did not remove the official ban against interracial marriage from its statutes until 1999, and Alabama put off till the year 2000 its referendum to eliminate a similar provision".
" for example, women in Wyoming were allowed to vote as early as 1869, and three more western states legalized women's suffrage by 1896".
" Sarah Grimke, who had grown up in the South but moved to the North in order to pursue anti-slavery activities, critiqued the exclusively domestic orientation of women in her letters on the Equability of the Sexes 1837"
"One Southern doctor expressed the view that among the poor people in his part of the country, children of illegitimate birth were as common as those born in wedlock."
Bethania Owens-Adair
She fleed and abusive husband after four years of marriage at the age of 18 with a small child. She went back to school to complete her primary education eventually putting her son through college at Berkeley. She decided at this point to study medicine. " yet she managed to complete her medical training. Not only at The Eclectic school but also at the University of Michigan ---one of the first universities to Grant Medical degrees to women. She received hers in 1880 at the age of 40 and went on to become a legendary lady doctor in her native Oregon for the next 25 years."
"The conviction that a female person had the right to an autonomous existence"
"Throughout history, the independence of women seems to increase whenever they have access to money, either earned themselves or inherited."
"Is it possible to be really desired by any action except one's own? That question could certainly be applied to a Doll's House and Helmer's worry that his wife's forgery would tarnish his reputation"
" the new woman, with her thirst for education and economic self-sufficiency, her refusal to be coerced into marriage, and her desire to limit the number of her children, threatened the very foundations of the old order"
" the chief obstacle to a woman's success is that she can never have a wife"
" Boston marriages--- a term used for an enduring union between two single women"
Charlotte Perkins Gilman " women and economics" 1898... Insistence that female dependence upon male income was the primary reason for women's secondary status. Gilman recognized that the labor of women in their homes has a genuine economic value, and that it enables men to produce more wealth than they otherwise could. But this economic value is neither recognized by society nor equitably rewarded."
1873 law passed by Congress that barred use of the postal system for the distribution of any article or thing designer intended for the prevention of contraception or procuring of abortion
"She has to endure the pain, penalties and responsibilities, both before and afterward, and she can best judge of her Fitness and her powers of endurance"
Only abortions after quickening we're legally punishable, and even such cases were always difficult to prosecute. Quickening around the fourth month of pregnancy when a pregnant woman first feels fetal movement
After 1840, it became increasingly apparent that abortion was no longer confined to desperate single women. A high proportion of those attending abortions were married, native-born, produce Protestant women, frequently middle or upper class status. As legal historian Lawrence and Freeman is pointed out it went against the ideology of sacred motherhood to countenance abortion for married women, especially if they were white and middle-class. Anti-abortion activists condemn me a natural woman who got rid of her Offspring and blamed abortion for the decreasing birth rate of American Born, white children.
Dr. Horacio store succeeded in persuading the American Medical Association to condemn abortion on the grounds that it was medically dangerous in the 1850s
One of the findings of the Times report was it the abortion trade was not limited to the unwed. Wives from the middle and upper classes patronized abortionist more than lower-class single women, facts confirmed by The Physicians themselves. One of them, doctor odelia Blinn, recalled that the vast majority of women who'd asked for her for an abortion we're married. Unlike those who criticize such women for avoiding their wifely duties and for shamelessly committing a great evil, doctor Blinn turned her criticism to the husband, the one who shared equal if not greater responsibility for the wife's pregnancy in the first place.
The Kaiser company in Portland Oregon established and on-site round-the-clock Center at its two plants for children aged 18 months to 6 years with 25000 women workers and its shipyards and Progressive thinking on the part of its leaders, the Kaiser child service centers still stand as an example of what Private Industry might accomplish to alleviate the pressures on working mothers while providing real care for the children.
Book. The way we never were. Stephanie coontz
" my youngest... Was about 10 years old.... I found myself screaming my head off of her, because she left a finger mark on the wall. And it kind of brought me up short... I wasn't running a house, the house was running me. She told her husband she wanted to go back to work. I'm going to go get a job because my life has closed in on me to the point where I've lost my sense of values. I have to get out of this house! I have to be with other adults.
The more money a man-made and the higher his prestige in the community, the more decisions he controlled in the home. Yet these same prestigious husbands did more chores around the home than husbands with lesser status. It's as if the successful White Collar man had enough confidence to dismiss the fear that woman's work would taint them.
White house on Mother's Day for rights, not roses.
Kate Millett sexual politics 1970 revolutionize the reading of certain male authors, such as DH Lawrence and Henry Miller, by showing to what extent their depictions of sex were sadistically violent to women. Germaine Greer female eunuch turned men, rather than women, and just sex objects. Women, she argued, would not be fully liberated until they adopted the same sexual Freedom that men enjoyed, unencumbered by family and marriage.
I think therefore I'm single. Attributed to Lizz Winstead
"His" marriage continues to be better than "hers"... Single men do worse than married men on almost all measures of mental health... Whereas single women do better than married women on these same measures.
All the hourly wages of women without children are roughly 90% of men's, the comparable figure for women with children is 70%.
To be the intimate witness of another person's life is a privilege one can fully appreciate only with time
April 28, 2015
This book has been on my reading list for quite a while. I bought it several years ago (probably with some Amazon money) and it's been sitting on my shelf ever since, staring balefully at me. I'm not the biggest non-fiction reader, but this book appealed to my feminist self, which is, I suspect, why it was on my reading list. It is a little out of date (published in 2000), but most of the information it covers has remained unchanged, since it is primarily a history book.
Yalom writes about wives throughout history, starting with Biblical wives, taking us through the days of the Greeks and Romans, and ending up with the present day (the year 2000). It is very well-written, not at all dry, which is always my greatest fear with non-fiction. Yalom does not talk down to her reader, but neither does she use high-flown language. She has a nice conversational style which draws the reader in and makes one want to continue reading.
I found the subject matter fascinating. I'd honestly never given much thought to the specific role of "wife," or how it had changed through the years, so it was interesting to trace the evolution of societal expectations and women's own desires for their lives. I am a wife, and, like most people, I think I tend to generalize my own experiences to others. This book made me think about that - we don't all have the same experience, as wives, as mothers, as women. And I'm glad I learned more about the evolution of the wife throughout history.
Four out of five Whatevers. Recommended for feminists, especially burgeoning ones. The book really makes you think about why the feminist movement has such an importance to wives in general. Also recommended for those who have an interest in social history and/or those who just want to learn more about the way the role of the wife has developed over the years.
Yalom writes about wives throughout history, starting with Biblical wives, taking us through the days of the Greeks and Romans, and ending up with the present day (the year 2000). It is very well-written, not at all dry, which is always my greatest fear with non-fiction. Yalom does not talk down to her reader, but neither does she use high-flown language. She has a nice conversational style which draws the reader in and makes one want to continue reading.
I found the subject matter fascinating. I'd honestly never given much thought to the specific role of "wife," or how it had changed through the years, so it was interesting to trace the evolution of societal expectations and women's own desires for their lives. I am a wife, and, like most people, I think I tend to generalize my own experiences to others. This book made me think about that - we don't all have the same experience, as wives, as mothers, as women. And I'm glad I learned more about the evolution of the wife throughout history.
Four out of five Whatevers. Recommended for feminists, especially burgeoning ones. The book really makes you think about why the feminist movement has such an importance to wives in general. Also recommended for those who have an interest in social history and/or those who just want to learn more about the way the role of the wife has developed over the years.
August 15, 2012
Before you read this review you should know two things about me:
A) I have an aversion to Nonfiction books
B) It took me more than two months (and less than three) to finish this book.
That being said, I was determined to finish the first Nonfiction book I'd read in a year. Yup, not including my textbooks, it had been a year since I last read a nonfiction book. Honestly, I was sick of the predictable Romance books and teen fantasy novels that I was reading. Of course, the main character was the hero. Of course, they were going to save the world and fall in love with potentially two people at the same time. Every, single, time I think, "Hey! They are actually going to stay together forever." They don't. The girl becomes... yeah. And feels an attraction towards the other guy.
So, I chose to read this book to end my nonfiction drought and also because there are things about wives that I've always been curious about.
The content of the book is great. There is no doubt about it. But what I'd improve is the presentation. By the middlings of the book, I was bored and exhausted. I confess I scanned the last chapter. (In which some of the content was not to my liking. Be warned, Yalom doesn't only talk about the house hold duties of a wife. She also discusses "wifely duties" aka "Bed business" (As Lisa See, in Snow Flower and the Secret Fan so eloquently put it.)) What I did appreciate was that every so often Yalom would present us was a terribly interesting statistic or story, that would make me want to hear more or tell someone.
Overall, I'd say this is a one time read and then a return back for reference.
A) I have an aversion to Nonfiction books
B) It took me more than two months (and less than three) to finish this book.
That being said, I was determined to finish the first Nonfiction book I'd read in a year. Yup, not including my textbooks, it had been a year since I last read a nonfiction book. Honestly, I was sick of the predictable Romance books and teen fantasy novels that I was reading. Of course, the main character was the hero. Of course, they were going to save the world and fall in love with potentially two people at the same time. Every, single, time I think, "Hey! They are actually going to stay together forever." They don't. The girl becomes... yeah. And feels an attraction towards the other guy.
So, I chose to read this book to end my nonfiction drought and also because there are things about wives that I've always been curious about.
The content of the book is great. There is no doubt about it. But what I'd improve is the presentation. By the middlings of the book, I was bored and exhausted. I confess I scanned the last chapter. (In which some of the content was not to my liking. Be warned, Yalom doesn't only talk about the house hold duties of a wife. She also discusses "wifely duties" aka "Bed business" (As Lisa See, in Snow Flower and the Secret Fan so eloquently put it.)) What I did appreciate was that every so often Yalom would present us was a terribly interesting statistic or story, that would make me want to hear more or tell someone.
Overall, I'd say this is a one time read and then a return back for reference.
December 29, 2011
Ever since I got married, I've found the concept of marriage very interesting and hence I read books like this. Honestly, I wanted rather more out of this book since the premise - which was admittedly, as a history of the institution that largely defined women's life experiences for a huge portion of recorded history, was impossibly huge - struck me a quite tantalizing. But, as one might expect, this fell well short of the aim stated by the title. I liked this book; it was pleasant reading, generally informative, and occasionally very funny. However, I'm not sure I really learned anything new other than particular details and anecdotes. The take-home points were all pretty tired and expected. For much of Western history, women had no individual rights or even individual identities as wives. Check. Women who attempted to break the mold, and their husbands, were ridiculed and scorned. Check. Marriage is now a haven of equality and love, although some Philistines still attempt to insist on traditional gender roles, etc. Check, check, and check. I wanted a bit more insight than the same old stuff about women discovering the empowerment of a paycheck when they took war jobs during the 40s and then finding that dependent homemaking really wasn't all that fulfilling after all in the 50s. In retrospect, this book was a little depressing. I love being married and it makes me sad that marriage seems to have been such a complete downer for so much of its history. But, it was a fairly good read that makes you appreciate what you have.
March 15, 2016
I actually really enjoyed this history of wives from Greek and Roman times up until the modern day. It was pretty quick reading for me, even though I usually digest non-fiction via audiobooks because I tend to get stuck in non-fiction. I thought it was engaging and interesting. I'm getting married soon, and as with anything I undertake, I decided to read a lot about it. It's very librarian-y of me :)
November 24, 2012
While the anecdotal evidence from all types of sources was highly interesting, I didn't think this was a rigorous work of history, and felt the author was too circuitous in getting to her argument about the changing stature of the wife.
July 27, 2014
This book is amazingg...
However its historical non fiction..or may be metafiction. this book is an eye opening . It gives you the overview of the wives from bibical times to roman, Rennaissance period.
& how it was changed in 2002.
Recommended to those who love historical.novels.. ♡
However its historical non fiction..or may be metafiction. this book is an eye opening . It gives you the overview of the wives from bibical times to roman, Rennaissance period.
& how it was changed in 2002.
Recommended to those who love historical.novels.. ♡
September 4, 2008
A well-researched, well-organized and fascinating study of what it has meant to be a "wife."
March 29, 2016
this was interesting, but I prefer the work of Stephanie Coontz on this topic.
June 17, 2024
What I was looking for when I cracked open A History of the Wife:
- How did we get to the institution of marriage? What preceded it, and how did we establish wedding/marriage rites that turned a woman into a financial transaction?
- How did we move from that financial transaction to seeking love? What social movements helped the change?
- How do we reconcile the history of marriage as women in the current moment?
Okay, that last one isn't fair because this book was published in 2000. Speaking of, this book feels like it was written in 2000. That is, there are portions of it that feel quite dated. "There are these people called lesbians" type of dated shit. I don't really hold it against author Marilyn Yalom, though; she's reflecting the time in which she wrote this book. But A History of the Wife certainly isn't timeless.
It begins with the Bible. And here we'll pause, because it's important to note that this is A history of the wife, not THE history. The "A" in this case is white, European/New World. That's fair - to tackle every history of wifedom would have resulted in an unwieldy, tome-like book.
Okay, so, we breeze through the Bible and the Eve stuff and dudes propagating outside of marriage to ensure their line continues or whatever. From there, we hop to Ancient Greece, Ancient Rome, and all too soon we're in Medieval Europe. I felt a touch of whiplash, particularly since there's a surprising amount of repetition in this book. Whenever Yalom transitions to a new era/new location, she reiterates what we already know to be true: when it comes to the White European Woman, she was expected to be subservient, homebound, and pious.
The medieval portion moves around Europe, detailing shades of the same color in Britain, Germany, Italy, etc. We get some short stories of real women and the challenges they faced as Wife and Woman. The anecdotes were interesting, but they did feel a little rushed since Yalom was trying to fit an entire history into 400 pages.
Once we're in the mid-1600s we move to the New World and essentially park it there. We learn about some Puritan ladies, we get the barest sketch of the 18th century, and then BOOM it's the Civil War. Again, it all felt very rushed-yet-familiar. We also get 0 reference to witchcraft, even though many husbands (including the famous Giles Corey) accused and thus put their wives to death for that "crime."
Yalom is most energized when we hit the 20th century, retelling the fight for the vote, WII and women flooding the work force, feminism and the books that cracked wifehood/motherhood open, the fight for reproductive rights (painful to read in the current moment), and the future of marriage and being a wife at the dawn of the 21st century. It honestly felt like this book would have been best served to have focused far more on 1900 - 2000, with callbacks to previous eras. This is where Yalom shone brightest.
Wow, okay, my review kinda plodding and lackluster. That might make it seem as though I didn't enjoy this book. I did. I appreciated the evolution of Wife from financial transaction and property to a partner in household and family. I'll gripe about the pace of the book, and the redundancies that should have been cut, but it's important for this book to exist, and I got some good nuggets out of it.
- How did we get to the institution of marriage? What preceded it, and how did we establish wedding/marriage rites that turned a woman into a financial transaction?
- How did we move from that financial transaction to seeking love? What social movements helped the change?
- How do we reconcile the history of marriage as women in the current moment?
Okay, that last one isn't fair because this book was published in 2000. Speaking of, this book feels like it was written in 2000. That is, there are portions of it that feel quite dated. "There are these people called lesbians" type of dated shit. I don't really hold it against author Marilyn Yalom, though; she's reflecting the time in which she wrote this book. But A History of the Wife certainly isn't timeless.
It begins with the Bible. And here we'll pause, because it's important to note that this is A history of the wife, not THE history. The "A" in this case is white, European/New World. That's fair - to tackle every history of wifedom would have resulted in an unwieldy, tome-like book.
Okay, so, we breeze through the Bible and the Eve stuff and dudes propagating outside of marriage to ensure their line continues or whatever. From there, we hop to Ancient Greece, Ancient Rome, and all too soon we're in Medieval Europe. I felt a touch of whiplash, particularly since there's a surprising amount of repetition in this book. Whenever Yalom transitions to a new era/new location, she reiterates what we already know to be true: when it comes to the White European Woman, she was expected to be subservient, homebound, and pious.
The medieval portion moves around Europe, detailing shades of the same color in Britain, Germany, Italy, etc. We get some short stories of real women and the challenges they faced as Wife and Woman. The anecdotes were interesting, but they did feel a little rushed since Yalom was trying to fit an entire history into 400 pages.
Once we're in the mid-1600s we move to the New World and essentially park it there. We learn about some Puritan ladies, we get the barest sketch of the 18th century, and then BOOM it's the Civil War. Again, it all felt very rushed-yet-familiar. We also get 0 reference to witchcraft, even though many husbands (including the famous Giles Corey) accused and thus put their wives to death for that "crime."
Yalom is most energized when we hit the 20th century, retelling the fight for the vote, WII and women flooding the work force, feminism and the books that cracked wifehood/motherhood open, the fight for reproductive rights (painful to read in the current moment), and the future of marriage and being a wife at the dawn of the 21st century. It honestly felt like this book would have been best served to have focused far more on 1900 - 2000, with callbacks to previous eras. This is where Yalom shone brightest.
Wow, okay, my review kinda plodding and lackluster. That might make it seem as though I didn't enjoy this book. I did. I appreciated the evolution of Wife from financial transaction and property to a partner in household and family. I'll gripe about the pace of the book, and the redundancies that should have been cut, but it's important for this book to exist, and I got some good nuggets out of it.
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