I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was: How to Discover What You Really Want and How to Get It

by Barbara Sher, Barbara Smith

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • A life-changing guide to finding your direction—and your passion—in a world of seemingly limitless options “For those who want to find their passion . . . a step-by-step guide for restructuring one’s life so that it has meaning, direction, and joy.”—Ellen Kreidman, author of Light His Fire and Light Her Fire If you suspect there could be more to life than what you’re getting, if you always knew you could do anything—if you only knew what it was—this extraordinary book is about to prove you right. No matter what your age, no matter how “unattainable” your dreams, you can create and live a life you love. I Could Do Anything If Only I Knew What It Was reveals how you can recapture “long lost” goals, overcome the blocks that inhibit your success, decide what you want to be, and live your dreams forever. You will  • What to do if you never chose to be what you are.• How to get off the fast track—and on to the right track.• First aid techniques for paralyzing chronic negativity.• How to regroup when you've lost your big dream.• To stop waiting for luck—and start creating it. A life without direction is a life without passion. I Could Do Anything If Only I Knew What It Was guides you not to another unsatisfying job but to a richly rewarding career rooted in your heart’s desire.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Personal Development, Business, Productivity, Unfinished

338 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 1994

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.

Barbara Sher was a speaker, career/lifestyle coach, and best-selling author of seven books on goal achievement. Her books have sold millions of copies and been translated into many languages. She had appeared on Oprah, The Today Show, 60 Minutes, CNN, and Good Morning America and her public television specials aired regularly in the United States. Sher lectured at universities, Fortune 100 companies and professional conferences all over the world.
Sher's latest book, Refuse to Choose (Rodale 2006) is a step-by-step program designed for "scanners", people with many interests who are unable to decide on a single direction for their lives.

wiki courtesy

Reviews

[Avel Rudenko · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book begins by suggesting our career indecisiveness stems from childhood, and assumes we were all bombarded with messages from our family & friends as to what we should do in life -- and that all along we've simply been trying to be what others want us to be. That may be true to some degree, but the author seems too adamant that that is the root cause. The other thing I found off-putting is that that author uses one exercise, early in the book, in which the reader imagines his/her dream job -- your ideal job. Whatever you envision as being the ultimate great job. Well, isn't that why we're reading the book -- because we don't know what our dream jobs are? After that exercise, and one more in which the reader fine-tunes their dream job, the author writes, "Look who just figured out what she wants." It seemed an oversimplification, to say the least. There was one part I found somewhat helpful, and that was the section about "meaningful work" -- making the reader examine his/her idea of what that is. There may have been a statement here or there that was a good thought point, but overall the author seems to make very bold statements, yet I found myself wondering what her credentials are. I also wasn't fond of her support for BIG PHARMA and applauding drug-taking and medicating for every little mishap or period of depression in our lives.

[Zarya Rubin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Proceed with caution: this book helped me to quit my job and change my career! Seriously, it is a very powerful, insightful, honest analysis of what might be holding you back from finding true career satisfaction. Through detailed breakdown of different personality types, you can be on a very enjoyable road to self-discovery and a brighter, happier, more fulfilling future! A great book!

[Gwen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Started off incredibly strong--I read 2/3 of it in one sitting (2am on a weekday at a 24-hour McDonalds when I was mourning over a rescinded job offer and felt doomed to a life of unemployment and living with my parents) and was encouraged by its message.

Very meaningful during a 2am bout of unemployment-related depression: "Allowing bad feelings to hang around too long can cloud your judgement. When we're depressed, happiness looks stupidly short-sighted. We take the long view, think the long thoughts--looking far into the past and far into the future. We have what I call those 'what does it all mean' thoughts. It's hard to remember at those times that your view of reality isn't accurate. No matter how justified this view may seem, particularly if your entire life has been upended, despair and bitterness are always the result of blurred vision. While you can't ignore painful feelings, you can limit their time--and their time is up for today. You'll deal with them again tomorrow morning." (199)

But as the book progressed, either I lost enthusiasm for the topic or the chapters had the same information just repackaged, it seemed to lose strength.

So much of the book focuses on harnessing the past (especially childhood--I don't really remember much about the specifics of my childhood to do enough of Sher's exercises) to impact the present. She also recommends addressing each concern head-on, writing down the reasons why you think you can't do something or why something is impossible. I didn't actually write down my answers, but even a quick run-through in my head was helpful.

Keep in mind that this book is nearly 20 years old, and it's age is painfully obvious in any discussion of technology and employment. (Seriously: "...personal development is the real reason you should be working in the first place" (185) is a naive way of looking at employment these days. I want a job to be able to survive--preferably not in my parents' basement. Getting any personal development out of whatever job I'm lucky enough to land would be like finding a unicorn.) Also, there are a few instances where I question her analysis of gender relationships and the role of gender in figuring out one's life plan. And religion. Is it possible to write a book on "self improvement" without including, even ever so subtly, quotes from a religious text?

The chapter that clicked with me was Chapter 6: "I Want Too Many Things; I'm All Over the Map." In it, Sher describes the differences between scanners (Or people who "want to taste everything. They love to learn about the structure of a flower, and they love to learn about the theory of music. And the adventures of travel. And the tangle of politics. To scanners, the universe is a treasure house full of a million works of art, and life is hardly long enough to see them all." (102)) and divers (Or people who "delight in the depths," (108) like musicians, mathematicians, scientists, artists, and professional athletes.)

I'm definitely a scanner, and it was very gratifying to be told that (at least by this one author) it's perfectly okay to be interested in many things! "Our culture respects specialists. People aren't called 'Renaissance men' anymore; they're called 'dilettantes' or 'jack of all trade'..." (101) "If you're a scanner, you have extraordinarily special and valuable skills. You love what is new, and you don't suffer from fear and indecisiveness.** You're highly adaptable to new cultures; you're so flexible you can turn on a dime. You're a lighting-fast learner, curious about anything you don't already understand; you like and respect all kinds of thinking. Although you may be unwilling to dedicate yourself to one path, you don't lack discipline or have a low IQ. On the contrary, you're dedicated to learning all that you can, and you're intelligent enough to delight in all that you learn." (102-103)

**I might disagree on this one!

Especially these days, when I'm terrified that I will never ever be gainfully employed with anything resembling a career path, it was nice to read that "you are bigger than any job you'll ever have. You need to know this when no interview turns into a job... The real you is still there, but these challenges to your ego have clouded your sense of yourself. What you need is an identity recovery project" (174)--what so many of my friends who have previously been unemployed swear by.

Other tidbits:

The importance of action: "Most inaction isn't solely because of indecision--it's because of fear. But every time you do something that scares you, and you dare to do it, your self-esteem goes up a few degrees. ... You're a success every time you face down fear." (21)

Using your "escape dream" to figure out what you want in life: "That escape dream holds a powerful clue to something you really need. ... Whatever in your life is missing, wherever a blank spot exists, it shows up in this fantasy. ... We should all search our escape dreams because they send clues about what's wrong with our lives. And then we should do something about what's missing. Because if you don't use that information to improve your life, you're using escape dreams to help you avoid life." (51)

On the productivity of frustration: "Frustration is supposed to create action, not make you give up. We all need to learn how to handle frustrations so we can stick with things until we have some capability; that's how to develop self-confidence." (112-113)

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am one of those people who always thinks I'm not doing what I should be doing--that I have a bigger, better life out there I haven't grasped yet.
This book doesn't say anything groundbreaking BUT it totally organizes your ability to think more clearly on the topic. It actually gives you the mindset to be able to fix your situation.
The author has a ton of exercises for the reader to write out; one of them is writing down everything that made you happy when you were 5 years old; another one is writing down a time line of what youve done at past ages and predicting what you will do at 30, 35, 40 and so on. If you actually do what she talks about you'll begin to delve into your desires and work on a plan for achievement instead of just sitting miserably in the background wishing for things you think you can't have...

[Anna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wow! I had to read this book for a course and had no idea just what nuggets of truth it contained. If there was a 3.5 I would give it to this book. I can't give it 4 or more as the layout made it so hard to read.

This book is one of the things responsible for deciding to take a risk and live my dreams and it's really happening! I wanted to start a book group and I did it! I wanted to have my own classes and teach in a school part-time and I do! I wanted to make friends with people who I usually wouldn't meet and I have! And you reading this, are probably one of them :)

I highly recommend this book to those a bit discouraged in life and for those on the cusp of realising or re-realising what it REALLY is they want to get out of, and give back to, in life.

[Sara Sherzad · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved the book, I loved Barbara Sher. The book and the author are on my favorite list from now on.

The book is for those whom can't find their passion in life, it's so practical and fun to read and soooo informative. It includes an amazing introduction followed by 14 fun and informative chapters nothing repetitive.

She had creative ideas and the way of writing the book is funny and smooth and simple but since it contained so many new information for me I took a lot of time reading it.

What's wrong with the star giving... I give it 10 stars 5 doesn't do for me! :D :P

P. S Read the last chapter (Chapter 14) after you read two or three beginning chapters, you will understand why when you read it.

[Laura Norman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the book that helped me decide to go into pottery and I will be forever grateful :)

[Manal Saad · Rating 4 out of 5]

I got the chance to listen to the audio version of this book last week. It was the perfect timing as I have been going through a lot of questioning about the future of my career and considering a drastic change. It was insightful and very helpful. Unlike most of self-help authors, Barbara Sher says it like it is. There's no sugar coating here or fake-it-until-you-make-it talk. It has a realistic approach towards finding one's goals and dreams. We lose sight of our original goals with our hectic schedules and the need to balance everything in this life. In addition to that, we discover new things about ourselves. As we grow we change and hence everything changes, our dreams, goals and our needs. That is perfectly normal as long as one knows what he/she wants in the end.

I want to get my hands on a hard copy of the book as I intend to dedicate some time to do the exercises in the book.

I highly recommend the book for the those who are considering a career change or feel lost and can't put their fingers on what they want to do with their lives.

[Emily Day · Rating 5 out of 5]

This came to me at the perfect time and was like a warm therapeutic hug. Obviously some areas are a bit outdated based on the time this was originally written and not all of it is applicable to everyone (nor is it meant to be). However, I felt that most of the concepts (psychologically) stand the test of time, had good nuggets of wisdom and practical exercises to get your mind thinking, and I found myself deeply resonating with several chapters. Plus I loved that it ended with a Langston Hughes quote, so win in my book.

[nicole · Rating 1 out of 5]

ugh, i know. i am embarassed to admit i read this. i am just desperatly searching for a clue as to what i should be doing with my life (career wise).
this is a great book if youre looking for excuses for why you are lazy and unambitious. it lets you blame all your shortcomings on your parents or upbringing. i, on the other hand, am fully aware no one is to blame but myself. therfore this book and i didnt jive.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked this book up on a whim, since I still, at the age of 39, haven't figured out what I want to be when I grow up. It was the perfect choice! I loved the no-nonsense, plain talking way she wrote this book. She's an actual career counselor, and you can just HEAR her debunking all your internal resistance strategies! There are lots of practical exercises, and if you do them, you can't help but feel like you have a better understanding of yourself, your likes and dislikes, and a different way of approaching your career obstacles.

The book is structured with each chapter dealing with another obstacle to finding our best career match: can't get off the fast track (and the associated money), re-entering the workforce after a major life change, having no interest in anything, sabotaguing yourself, etc. The one that most resonated with me was the chapter called "I Want Too Many Things; I'm All Over the Map." I've always said that I wished I was really good at just one thing, rather than being pretty good at a lot of things. I found out a name for this - I'm a "scanner." I'm a quick learner, easily adaptable, and I love what is new. Although our culture values the "divers" - those who dedicate their entire lives to just one thing - there is a lot of value to being a scanner. It's actually a freeing thing to be rather than a limiting thing. Think Leonardo da Vinci and Benjamin Franklin! She gives the very practical advice that "if you want to do a lot of things, you can do them all." (either in sequential careers, in hobbies, or in finding the very rare career that combines many different interests - such as a writer).

I only wish I could have some in-person career meetings with her. I am sure she'd cut right through all my excuses and waffling and the next thing I'd know - I'd be living in the Himalayas or something crazy, and loving it!

[Theo · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked this book. It is not a typical 'what career do you want' type book that has you look at what skills you have, what skills your good at etc. etc. It focuses more on the self and has an excellent way of guiding you through the process of discovering what you want out of life and what may be holding you back.

The real gem is the structure of the book and the exercises that you are taken through. I was initially skeptical about the many exercises and tempted to either skip them, or do them piecemeal. However, I did stick with the exercises and was pleasantly surprised at the outcomes and how they built on each other to uncover some interesting things about myself.

The structure has the first three chapters with you questioning some of the assumptions you may have on jobs and life (e.g., Things you 'should' be doing, your understanding of a 'meaningful' job/life) and asking yourself what you would really like to do (Which was not easy for me and I found the exercises helped a lot). The rest of the book is then structured to discuss different aspects of obtaining what you really want based off your results from the various exercises. I found I only read the chapters (After the first three) that related to me and this made it easier to undertake the exercises and recommended actions from each chapter.

A book I will be coming back to read again.

[Nina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Considering this is something I really struggle with right now, and have for the last few years, this book was right up my alley. While it told me exactly what professional career advice I had already received, that of "just go and do something because that is the best way to figure it out", the added value came of helping me understand how and why.

It also helped me understand where this uncertainty and being stuck came from, some things I already had gotten explained to me, others which were new. I also see myself in a new and more positive light, having identified with certain 'types', and why if not done in excess it can be good to think life through and check if you are going where you want to go.

I've not done a great deal of the exercises yet, some seem impractical or aren't explained well enough for me, but others certainly have merit.

I got stuck when I started on this book, because I stopped after a few chapters and thought that I'd have to solve a certain thing before I can get onwards. Don't do that. Work through the whole book, and then return to the point where you feel you are at. Pick the chapters that appeal to you, since they aren't a fully linear buildup.

[Emmala · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this not only easy and enjoyable to read but very beneficial! The exercises, though at times tough, were fun and enlightening. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone feeling stuck in their careers, or in decision making about a career, and to anyone who has been putting off doing what they really love out of fear.

[Oleksandr Golovatyi · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 кращих книг про швидкочитання (промо-лінк)

Кращі цитати з книги:

"Повірте, наші близькі люблять нас настільки сильно, як тільки можуть. Але їх навчили не слухати дітей, а лише "виховувати". Якщо ж рідні нас не слухають, вони навряд чи дізнаються про наші мрії, не кажучи вже про те, що поважатимуть їх. А наші мрії - це ми самі."

"Інтерес - це найщиріша форма поваги."

"любов і повага - різні речі"

"Любов - це злиття в єдине ціле. Коли ми народжуємосья, належимо батькам, ми їхнє продовження; і така цілісність корисна для виживання немовлят. Повага - це розмежування: ви належите самому собі та не є нічиїм продовженням. Така диференціація вкрай необхідна для щастя дорослого."

"У батьків є власні мрії, і саме ці мрії вони "проштовхують", а не ваші"

"ви маєте робити будь-яку справу, що змушує ваше серце співати"

"Обсяг удачі, яка трапляється на вашому шляху, залежить від готовності діяти."

"Навіть дії в неправильному напрямку є інформативними"

"Успіх приходить до тих, хто діє"

"ми знаходимо найкращі рецепти та зустрічаємо найкращіх людей у своєму житті - завдяки випадку"

"Своїм бажанням можна довіряти"

"Подумайте ретельно, поки не знайдете якесь бажання, і дійте"

"стаючи дорослими, ми продовжуємо грати за моделями, розробленими в дитинстві. Ми ніколи не зупиняємося, щоб їх переглянути"

"Час - це єдиний справжній скарб, який ми маємо, але половину його буде вичерпано до того моменту, поки ми це усвідомимо."

"коли граєш надто обережено, ризикуєш найбільше"

"Коли ви беретеся за те, що справді любите, ваше серце тріпоче, розум відкривається назустріч чомусь новому, і все змінюється... Це і є справжня пригода."

"Що небезпечного у творчості? Насамперед страшно переключитися зі спокійної, рутинної діяльності на рівень інтенсивності й свідомості, де все є новим. Навчання й творчість - заняття, що потребують сміливості та ініціативи."

"Якщо ви завжди чогось хотіли й відштовхуєте це, коли воно майже у вас у руках, це самосаботаж і страх успіху"

"Уникаючи успіху, ви уникаєте небезпеки. Але що в ньому взагалі може бути небезпечного? У душі кожного з нас, хто боїться успіху, криється якесь очікування емоційного болю, тому інстинктивно, мимоволі, як тварина, ми уникаємо його."

"Учений - це людина, яка за щось чіпляється. Поет - це людина, яка використовує все, що чіпляється до неї (Роберт Фрост)"

"переможець - це будь-яка людина, яка робить те, що любить"

"треба знати: ви ніколи не отримаєте в достатній кількості того, чого насправді не прагнете"

"Більшість із нас дурить себе. Ми намалювали собі картинку стрімкої кар'єри на основі якихось фантазій чи кінофільмів."

"Читаючи якісну біографію, ви отримуєте якісного співрозмовника"

"коли доля зачиняє двері, то відчиняє при цьому вікно"

"Зробити маленький дивовижний крок - значить зважитись на якийсь реальний учинок, що може перевернути ваш світ"

"Перехід від уяви до дій - це ніби квантовий стрибок у фізиці. Думати про плавання - зовсім не те, що зайти у воду."

"Усі ми збиратимемо знання та вміння й носитимемо їх із собою, наче торбу з інструментами"

"Інформація - як гроші. Рано чи пізно ви знайдете спосіб її використати."

"Іноді робота така неприємна, що ви цілий день не можете втриматисья від того, щоб не дивитися на годинник. Не варто так марнувати цінний час. У подібній ситуації у вас дві альтернативи: страждання або творчість."

"якщо ви поважаєте свою допитливість, то відкриватимете нові здібності на кожній роботі"

"Робота - це спосіб дізнатися хто ви є в цьому світі."

"Щовечора готуйтеся до гарного завтрашнього дня"

"можна навчитися чогось нового будь-коли в житті, якщо ви не проти стати початківцем. Якщо вам справді сподобається ця роль, перед вами відкриється цілий світ"

"ваші найбільші таланти виявлять себе лише тоді, коли ви робите те, що хочете"

"Самотність - убивця мрій"

"нещасні діти мають нереалістично високі очікування"

"ніхто не залишає дім, де панує гнів, не зазнавши глибокого впливу. Гнів лякає маленьких дітей та здається їм небезпечним - навіть якщо не спрямований безпосередньо на них."

Читати інші огляди книг:

1) Мистецтво мріяти. Як отримати те, чого насправді бажаєш
2) Мозок матеріальний. Про користь томографа, транскраніального стимулятора і клітин равлика
3) В інтернеті хтось помиляється! Наукові дослідження дискусійних питань
4) Хто б міг подумати! Як мозок змушує нас робити дурниці

[Eliza V · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cannot recommend this enough!! So thought provoking. It is very applicable to your entire life, not just your career. I don’t usually read self help books but I literally can’t stop talking or thinking about this one! (Only reason for 4 stars is that a few chapters just weren’t applicable to me but loved everything else)

[Elena · Rating 2 out of 5]

I am one of those people who used to had great career or at least that's what I thought. But in the last two years some weird dissatisfaction thoughts started showing its ugly face, so the first thing I did was change the company. I wrongly assumed the problem was that the position in that particular company was no longer good for me. Being an ENFP I needed to constantly learn new things and develop myself or I would die from boredom. But this company had nothing new to offer anymore.

Moving from company to company in the next two years I realized the problem lied in another place. I no longer felt fulfilled at my position. This realization combined with he fact the company I was working for at that time went to bankruptcy so I was left without job anyway. What a good chance to start on my new path to....if only I knew what! Here is how I came across this book. I had already read another book by Barbara Sher (the book about scanners) so I thought this one will be as good at least.

The book starts with general overview of the idea that something is stopping us from the realization of what do we really want. Once that idea is explored the author proceeds further into discussing what we can do to overcome those obstacles that stop us from going after our dream career. Separate chapter is provided for each possible obstacle discussed by the author.

I come with rather mixed feelings about this book. On one hand it does provide some self-analysis assistance and can be a good start to your new career discovery. On the other hand I find it has way too much self-help spirit in it, and even though it does provide a lot of motivation and support, at one point you start feeling as a lost soul who went to visit a healing group where he leader constantly repeats you can do good, you are doing good, but you see no result no matter what. Some of the exercises provided are not quite practical either. For example, the author refers to a group of friends as an excellent way to help you on many occasions in the book (called 'brainstorming' in the traditional world). There is nothing wrong with it if only you had good friends to get along with who wish to share their time to your troubles.

At the end I did not really came any closer to what I really want compared to when I started the book. I simple quiz site as Sokanu does way superb job than this book. I'd recommend to readers reach out for this book only if they have deeper psychological issues and are not quite aware about their interests. It can serve as a good motivator and kick up your ass to think further. But, to find the real answer reach in another direction - try Sokanu website (the paid account is worth it!), Holland codes, MBTI or another personality assessment. The more you know about your personality the closer you will be to the real clue of what do you want to do with your life.

[Libre · Rating 2 out of 5]

Das Vorwort gibt den Ton für den Rest des Buches wider: Es gibt natürlich schon viele andere Bücher zum Thema - wenn Sie's damit nicht hingekriegt haben, liegt es aber nicht an Ihnen! Mein Buch macht es besser; ohne schlimme Vorwürfe etc.

Mein Hauptproblem mit dem Buch ist etwas ganz simples: Es ging mir am Thema vorbei! Der Rücken- und Klappentext sowie die ersten Seiten suggerierten mir etwas ganz anderes. Am Ende geht es im Buch nur darum, den perfekten Job zu finden, der einen glücklich macht! Ist das 90er-Jahre-Zeitgeist, dass Glück und Erfüllung im Leben über die Arbeit kommen?! Sorry, aber nö.
Selbst wenn ich mich dann darauf einlasse: Habe ich als Leser nach Übung 4 auf Seite 50 (gerade mal nach 13% des Buches!) keine konkrete Jobvorstellung, kann ich mir den Rest des Buches sparen. Nur... genau darum geht es doch! Das man keine Vorstellung hat - egal ob konkret oder auch nur schwammig! WTF?!

Das Buch hat zwar ein paar nette Ideen und Übungen, schafft jedoch nichts Substanzielles.

Kritikpunkte:
Die Autorenschaft erwähnt Zitate und Studien, ohne diese genau zu zitieren/ Quellen anzugeben - das mag in den 90er, als dieses Buch erschien, noch nicht so schlimm gewesen sein; heutzutage erwarte ich jedoch mehr. Das Buch ist gespickt mit New-Age-Phrasen ("dein wahres Ich weiß was es will", "dein inneres Genie" etc.) und der Coaching-Jargon ("Ich garantiere", "meine Klienten" etc.) war grenzwertig abschreckend für mich. Außerdem werden namentlich einige Coachingteilnehmer erwähnt - eine hübsche Schreibtechnik um Vertrauen zu erwecken, funktioniert nur nicht, wenn ich gar nicht glaube, dass es diese Leute je gab... (Gefühlt jeder zweite ist selbstständig...)
Ebenso vertrauensabschreckend sind die Widersprüche im Buch selbst: Einmal schreibt die Autorenschaft, dass die Leser definitiv nicht faul sind und viel eben auf das Schicksal ankommt (S. 15-16), gleichzeitig sind die Leser noch nicht (genügend) aktiv geworden (S. 31) und dass jeder das Leben führen kann, dass er liebt (S. 16). Oder: Die Leser sollen sich nicht von anderen bewerten lassen (S. 81), aber die Autorenschaft fordert die Leser auf, endlich etwas zu tun (S. 116) - wenn das mal keine indirekte Bewertung ist, dass man noch nichts gemacht hat...
Im Grunde können die Tipps aus dem Buch auf fast alles andere angewendet werden, so allgemein sind sie formuliert/gehalten (Ziele überlegen und jetzt damit anfangen, überlegen was einen hilft, negative Einflüsse vermeiden, Dinge aus der Vergangenheit kann man nicht mehr ändern, ...). Ach ja, und alles kommt aus der Kindheit und/oder den Eltern. Wir sind beim Freizeit-Psychologisieren angekommen...

Fazit: Nettes Buch mit netten Übungen. Mehr als interessante Anregungen kann es jedoch nicht liefern. Gibt genügend andere Bücher zum Thema.

[Deb · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was written in the early nineties. It feels a little outdated. The first few chapters are amazing and helpful. The rest of the book is a little harder to read (boring) because it addresses specific kinds of resistance. I'm sure some relate to the particulars in those chapters. I had to slog through them. However, from those later chapters I got some ideas of how to help someone else. So they can be worthwhile.

In the book, there's a lot about how childhood and other experiences can impact problems in adulthood. It was helpful to consider how the way my parents and siblings treated me has influenced my present choices. Sher explains that even if relationships are healed and people have changed, those childhood feelings and experiences can still trouble us. They might affect who we think we are and what we think we can and can't do.

I love that she focuses on the question of what we want. That is so important. Desire comes first. I believe one of the main reasons we're here is to exercise our agency-- to make choices. What we want often matters more than whether or not a thing is "right." Often, we begin or are led to our best life by taking steps toward what we want. I love that she emphasizes taking small, non-alarming steps. Her philosophy is very action oriented. What we want is truly at the root of everything we do in life.

I also watched Sher's Tedx talk which mirrors the book. She says during the talk if you can answer, "What do you want?" and the essential, "What are the obstacles?" or "What are you lacking?" then you can solve problems or get help with them. You can share them with a "Success Team." She said something like, "You have to let people help you." In the talk and also in the book she shares specific examples of people who figure out what they want and are able to discover ways around what's stopping them, often with the help of others.

It's too easy to give up on dreams and become hopeless. Sher has some good ideas on how to figure out what you want and how to overcome the opposition.

[Josie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I decided this is a bad time in my life to read this book. It's a fine enough book with lots of words of encouragement and motivation. See, the thing is, I need a book right now called "I could do anything if only I wasn't pregnant." or "if only I didn't have 3 little kids," or, "if only I had the energy," etc. You get the idea. I actually do know what I want to do, now just isn't the right time for me.
This book put me through a range of emotions. First I was irritated because the author was trying to make me resent my parents and family for turning me into a failure. Then I was irritated because I felt like the author was encouraging me to leave my husband and kids behind to follow my own passions and be selfish. Then I was irritated because I decided I didn't need the authors help after all!
Ok, so that wasn't a range of emotions, it was mainly just one emotion.
No, really though, this is a motivational book that I think could help a lot of people get on the right track. I liked her idea of getting up and getting going instead of just telling yourself how wonderful you are. I agreed with her there. There is a lot of great stuff in this book and I might pick it up again someday.

[Tatyana Naumova · Rating 4 out of 5]

В общем, многие книги советуют повзрослеть и немного рисковать, но Барбара Шер очень милая в этом плане.

[Ellen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I checked this book out of the library, and would love to add a copy to my personal collection. I did not read the whole thing word for word, so I feel a little guilty saying that I've "read" it; but then, it's not meant to be read from cover to cover. The suggestion is to read the first three chapters, and then choose to read the chapters that you think will help you the most. It's designed to help you discover and acknowledge your dreams and then to act upon them. It is full of ideas, usually in the form of written exercises, to help you think through what's keeping you from taking action toward your life purpose. It also has story after story of different people's challenges and how they overcame them. I liked the writer's style. She seemed to know exactly where I'm coming from. Her tone was not condescending or patronizing, but rather full of energy that helped me feel confident in my ability to take action. I will be checking this book out again anytime I need a boost.

[Yvonne · Rating 5 out of 5]

What makes this book stand out is that the author focuses on the source of what is preventing you from finding the right career or fulfilling your dreams, rather than just telling you to change your attitude or environment as many other self-help books do. The author does not offer a quick fix but instead helps you to identify and remove obstacles in the way of your goals, which can lead to long-term solutions in various areas of your life, not just your career. It's unlikely that you're going to figure out exactly what you want to do in life after reading the book for the first time. There is a lot of information presented, and you definitely need to reflect on how the issues discussed might relate to you, as well as ways to overcome them. If you invest some time into the process, however, you should learn quite a bit about yourself and be on the right path toward determining what you want out of life.

[Steven Veach · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a tremendous book and should be given as required reading for every senior about to graduate. God I wish my high school years could have been different. This book has helped me work through may of my issues pertaining to launching and sustaining a writing career. Before I read this book I was convinced that there was no chance I could write for a vocation, but here I am looking head-long into my next three or four books with very little apprehension or doubt. The book is great and the author a miracle worker. If you have kids, buy this book for them. If you are stuck in a dead end job, get the book for yourself. Work through it, then give it to they guy or girl sitting next to you at work. I think it's that good.

[Kseniia Shkurynska · Rating 5 out of 5]

Прекрасна книжка, такий собі «кишеньковий психолог». Гарні життєві питання, спокійна розмова авторки із цікавими прикладами життєвих ситуацій інших людей, які стикалися зі схожими проблемами. Усі труднощі можна подолати, головне мати бажання!

P. S. Виконуйте вправи! Чесно та відповідально. Саме в них і буде ховатися відповідь на запитання: «��о ж мені робити далі?»

[Dylan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Despite rolling my eyes several times at the author's tone - and not really 100% believing her argument that EVERYTHING we do relates back to our childhood/parents - I still ended up getting a lot out of this and benefitting from many of the exercises.

[Diana · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book helped me a lot, I couldn't even imagine how much

[Virve Fredman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tämä oli minusta aivan loistava kirja!

Minusta tuntui pitkään, etten oikein tiennyt, mitä halusin elämälläni tehdä ja kun näin tämän kirjan nimen, kolahti se täysillä.

Tiesin kyllä, että jos vain keksisin, mitä haluaisin tehdä, uppoutuisin siihen täysillä ja voisin sen myötä tehdä (noh, lähes) mitä vaan, mutta ongelmana oli ollut jo useamman vuoden ajan etten tiennyt, mitä oikeastaan halusin.

Tämä kirja on loistavasti kirjoitettu, sillä siinä ymmärretään, että ihmisillä on lukuisia erilaisia elämäntilanteita ja eri syitä, joiden vuoksi he eivät tiedä, mitä oikeastaan haluaisivat tehdä. Tämän vuoksi kirjassa on oma kappaleensa lukuisille erilaisille tilanteille kuten esimerkiksi sille, että on nousukiidossa uralla, jolla ei ihan oikeasti haluaisi olla, sille että on liian monta asiaa, joita haluaa tehdä eikä löydä fokusta, sille että se, mitä oikeasti halusi tehdä ei olekaan enää jostain syystä mahdollista ja sille, ettei mikään yksinkertaisesti kiinnosta riittävästi.

Kirja auttaa myös löytämään syitä siihen, miksi tilanne on sellainen kuin on ja mistä omat ajatukset ovat lähtöisin. Tämän kautta voi hoksata isojakin juttuja, minkä myötä tilannetta on sitten helpompi alkaa muuttaa – ja mihin kirja myös antaa konkreettisia vinkkejä, sillä ihan vain töistä suoraan irtisanoutuminen ja tyhjän päälle hyppääminen ei ole jokaiselle vaihtoehto.

Paitsi että kirja on kirjoitettu miellyttävällä tyylillä, on se myös täynnä harjoituksia, jotka nimenomaan auttavat löytämään sen oman jutun. Tai itseasiassa täytyy sanoa, että kirjan juttu ovat nimenomaan nämä harjoitukset, sillä niiden kautta oma juttu löytyy. Jos kirjan vain lukee, mutta ei tee harjoituksia, ei kirjasta saa liiemmin irti – mikä tietysti pätee kaikkiin self help -kategorian kirjoihin. Kirja voi siis antaa työkaluja muutokseen, muta itse työ täytyy aina tehdä itse.

Kirja on julkaistu alunperin vuonna 1994, mutta lähes 30 vuotta myöhemmin se oli edelleen täysin ajankohtainen ja täynnä loistavia vinkkejä.

Tämä kirja auttoi minua itseäni tajuamaan vuosien turhauttavan ja epätoivoisen haahuilun jälkeen sen, mitä haluan oikeasti olla tekemässä. <3

Jos siis tuntuu, ettet tiedä, mitä haluaisit elämässäsi tehdä, niin suosittelen lukemaan tämän kirjan (ja tekemään sen harjoitukset)!

[A.M. · Rating 4 out of 5]

My eldest kid has Asperger's. Life has not been easy for him, and he has fallen into a pattern of behaviour that is a challenge for us all. He is not working, is not able to apply for jobs, has done some volunteer work that disappeared with the pandemic. He's scared; and I get fear, I really do, but he can't spend his life like a vampire in his mother's house, you know? I want him to be happy and to be able to look after himself after I die. And yes, I am genuinely worried about this now. Anxiety is a gift...

As I said to him one day, my brain is running Chrome with fifty tabs open and forty of them are worrying about him or trying to remember things he needs to do. I can't function well myself under this pressure. But he kept saying he didn't know what he wanted to do.

I read another Sher book [wishcraft] and found her voice refreshing and practical (if a little bit old fashioned) and I asked the universe to give me this title and voila, there it was at the local charity store. [what ARE the odds, really?]

But then, of course, he wouldn't read it.

Fine, I declared, I shall read it to YOU!

And oh my god, that was a good idea. But wow, has it stirred up some raw emotions for us both?! We sit, chat over history and our different recollections of things, we do the exercises, and it has been hugely cathartic. Of course our city is in covid lockdown and may be until after August, so going any further is off the table.

I am often surprised how often she deals with something in her practical 'this is what I've observed' way, and current brain/behavioural science in 2021 says the same thing. This title dates from 1994.

It is absolutely not what I expected, but it has been a valuable experience.

4 stars

[Dide · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 star rating
If you are an introvert and your belief system is not contained by your past but by your present then this book may likely not be for you.
This book has two strong stance in my opinion, first is on seeking out the root or genesis to ones problem which are summed up to come from ones childhood. Second, is having a support system (friends etc.)who uplift/challenge you while one also does the same for them.
While these stance are really sound, I do feel it still has limitations on the kind of personality it can work for. Nevertheless, it was an enjoyable time for me listening to the audiobook and visualizing how each guidance can work.