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The Likeability Factor: "How to Boost Your L-Factor and Achieve Your Life's Dreams
Are you wondering how you can improve your relationships with your friends and family? Are you curious how to get or keep the job of your dreams? Do you want to become a more popular person? This book will show you how to do all that by raising your likeability factor—or how much other people like you.After all, life is a series of popularity contests. The choices other people make about you determine your health, wealth, and happiness. And decades of research prove that people choose who they like. They vote for them, they buy from them, they marry them, and they spend precious time with them.The good news is that you can arm yourself for the contest and win life’s battles for preference. How? By being likeable. The more you are liked—or the higher your likeability factor—the happier your life will be. This book will show you how to raise that likeability factor by teaching you how to boost four critical elements of your • your ability to communicate liking and openness to others • your capacity to connect with others’ interests, wants, and needs • your ability to recognize, acknowledge, and experience other people’s feelings • the integrity that stands behind your likeability and guarantees its authenticity What happens when you improve in these areas and boost your likeability factor? •You bring out the best in others •You survive life’s challenges •You have better health—and even improve others’ health, too •You outperform in your daily roles •You win the popularity contests that define your life Join me for a few hours and I’ll share the results of hundreds of thousands of pages of research, numerous seminars, and hundreds of interviews with people just like you! Together let’s build our likeability factor and improve our lives! Also available as a Random House AudioBook
224 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2005
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 67 reviews
November 22, 2007
From a blog post I wrote in 2005:
I saw this book on sale at Border's, looked it over, then saw it on the shelf at the library that same night. What, the heck, maybe the book gods are trying to tell me something?
The full title is Likeability Factor: How To Boost Your L-Factor & Achieve Your Life's Dreams. Sounds a little cheesy, doesn't it? The author is Tim Sanders and he's a leadership coach at Yahoo!
Sanders' provided a lot of documentation to back up the intuitive fact that people who are more likeable than others are better off. They get more attention from their doctors, their kids get more care from their teachers, they're less likely to be laid off and they're less likely to be divorced.
His theory on how we evaluate someone's likeability (or L-Factor as he calls it) is that people judge on four consecutive factors. If you're missing the first factor, that's it and they will not consider you likeable and won't evaluate you further.
The factors are:
Friendliness - communicating welcome, expressing a generally positive feeling
Relevance - extent to which a person connects to your life's wants, needs and interests
Empathy - seeing things from your point of view, feeling what you feel
Realness - person who is genuine, true and authentic
The L-Factor scale is from 1 (not likeable) to 10 (most likeable). Sanders believes you can increase your L-Factor through changes in your behaviors and he provides a series of exercises to help you do just that.
Interesting theory and, though I'm not going to do the exercises, the book did make me think about ways I can improve my relationships.
I saw this book on sale at Border's, looked it over, then saw it on the shelf at the library that same night. What, the heck, maybe the book gods are trying to tell me something?
The full title is Likeability Factor: How To Boost Your L-Factor & Achieve Your Life's Dreams. Sounds a little cheesy, doesn't it? The author is Tim Sanders and he's a leadership coach at Yahoo!
Sanders' provided a lot of documentation to back up the intuitive fact that people who are more likeable than others are better off. They get more attention from their doctors, their kids get more care from their teachers, they're less likely to be laid off and they're less likely to be divorced.
His theory on how we evaluate someone's likeability (or L-Factor as he calls it) is that people judge on four consecutive factors. If you're missing the first factor, that's it and they will not consider you likeable and won't evaluate you further.
The factors are:
Friendliness - communicating welcome, expressing a generally positive feeling
Relevance - extent to which a person connects to your life's wants, needs and interests
Empathy - seeing things from your point of view, feeling what you feel
Realness - person who is genuine, true and authentic
The L-Factor scale is from 1 (not likeable) to 10 (most likeable). Sanders believes you can increase your L-Factor through changes in your behaviors and he provides a series of exercises to help you do just that.
Interesting theory and, though I'm not going to do the exercises, the book did make me think about ways I can improve my relationships.
June 26, 2022
I started the book with high expectations but these started to fade away as I read it. I thought the ideas could have been explained in fewer words. I've tried the tips advised in both books and found out that some just don't work with certain people. Anyway, I think I picked up some good skills to put into practice in a job that involves a seller-customer relationship.
September 4, 2011
If you've noticed a trend here, I'm a pretty big fan of Tim Sanders! I just can't help it—he has such a pleasurable way of writing while, at the same time, introducing me to think about concepts (in this case, the idea of being well liked) in entirely new ways.
For example, with "The Likability Factor," this passage on page 20 made me stop in my tracks: "Our nation is so focused on efficiency and productivity that we forget that likability is truly our lifeline. People who are likeable, or who have what I call a high L-factor, tend to land jobs more easily, find friends more quickly, and have happier relationships."
Hmmm...when's the last time you've thought about whether you are likeable? And that is preciously why I love Tim's words so much. They make me connect the dots about stuff like this. To summarize Tim's teachings here (and I really think you should read the book because this is just the 30-second overview), he writes passionately about elements of likeability, then provides myriad ways for you to process improving your L-factor (and if you're serious about raising it, be prepared to do some journaling because Tim gives you a few "homework" assignments with this text)! Those elements include:
1) Friendliness: your ability to communicate liking and openness to others
2) Relevance: your capacity to connect with others' interests, wants and needs
3) Empathy: your ability to recognize, acknowledge and experience other people's feelings (which, THANK YOU TIM for finally--on pg. 117--helping me to grasp the true difference between empathy and sympathy!)
4) Realness: the integrity that stands behind your likeability and guarantees its authenticity
I like to think of myself as a pretty likeable person, but I think there's ALWAYS something to take away from books like this. And with that in mind, here were a few gems of thought that I starred, highlighted, underlined (you get the idea) from "The Likeability Factor":
• Likeability is an ability to create positive attitudes in other people through the delivery of emotional and physical benefits. By being likeable, by generating positive feelings in others, you gain as well. The quality of your life and the strength of your relationships are the product of choice—but not necessarily your choice. After all, if everything were a matter of choice, you'd select the best job, the best mate, and the best life in the world. Your life is really determined by other people's choices.
• (On the correlation between likeability and self-esteem): Quoting Dr. Nathaniel Brandon—"Self-esteem is the immune system of your mind. A healthy immune system doesn't mean you won't become ill, but it reduces a susceptibility. The same is true psychologically. In my practice I have found that those with strong self-esteem have a resilience in the face of life's difficulties and ongoing stress."
• If you make people feel great, they will listen to you, think about what you said, and store it someplace in their head.
• (On what makes people popular, referencing a study conducted by a Stanford researcher): The traditional thinking was that dominant factors in popularity were attractiveness, intelligence, and/or athletic ability. But the real determinants included general happiness; an upbeat, positive personality; smiling and really liking most people.
And a WONDERFUL take-away for business owners, particularly photographers:
• "When the viewer likes your ad or your brand, they assume you make a high-quality product." Likeability is a shortcut for quality. "I like you; you can perform" is a common association for all of us, whether or not it's supported by the facts.
For example, with "The Likability Factor," this passage on page 20 made me stop in my tracks: "Our nation is so focused on efficiency and productivity that we forget that likability is truly our lifeline. People who are likeable, or who have what I call a high L-factor, tend to land jobs more easily, find friends more quickly, and have happier relationships."
Hmmm...when's the last time you've thought about whether you are likeable? And that is preciously why I love Tim's words so much. They make me connect the dots about stuff like this. To summarize Tim's teachings here (and I really think you should read the book because this is just the 30-second overview), he writes passionately about elements of likeability, then provides myriad ways for you to process improving your L-factor (and if you're serious about raising it, be prepared to do some journaling because Tim gives you a few "homework" assignments with this text)! Those elements include:
1) Friendliness: your ability to communicate liking and openness to others
2) Relevance: your capacity to connect with others' interests, wants and needs
3) Empathy: your ability to recognize, acknowledge and experience other people's feelings (which, THANK YOU TIM for finally--on pg. 117--helping me to grasp the true difference between empathy and sympathy!)
4) Realness: the integrity that stands behind your likeability and guarantees its authenticity
I like to think of myself as a pretty likeable person, but I think there's ALWAYS something to take away from books like this. And with that in mind, here were a few gems of thought that I starred, highlighted, underlined (you get the idea) from "The Likeability Factor":
• Likeability is an ability to create positive attitudes in other people through the delivery of emotional and physical benefits. By being likeable, by generating positive feelings in others, you gain as well. The quality of your life and the strength of your relationships are the product of choice—but not necessarily your choice. After all, if everything were a matter of choice, you'd select the best job, the best mate, and the best life in the world. Your life is really determined by other people's choices.
• (On the correlation between likeability and self-esteem): Quoting Dr. Nathaniel Brandon—"Self-esteem is the immune system of your mind. A healthy immune system doesn't mean you won't become ill, but it reduces a susceptibility. The same is true psychologically. In my practice I have found that those with strong self-esteem have a resilience in the face of life's difficulties and ongoing stress."
• If you make people feel great, they will listen to you, think about what you said, and store it someplace in their head.
• (On what makes people popular, referencing a study conducted by a Stanford researcher): The traditional thinking was that dominant factors in popularity were attractiveness, intelligence, and/or athletic ability. But the real determinants included general happiness; an upbeat, positive personality; smiling and really liking most people.
And a WONDERFUL take-away for business owners, particularly photographers:
• "When the viewer likes your ad or your brand, they assume you make a high-quality product." Likeability is a shortcut for quality. "I like you; you can perform" is a common association for all of us, whether or not it's supported by the facts.
January 17, 2016
This timeless book is an excellent study of human interaction and communication science. This topic is not one that would come up in a daily conversation, yet it encompasses most of our encounters with people. I appreciate the simple, straightforward material which is not overly scientific and clinical, but common sense and easy to apply. The exercises focus on sharpening personal skills as well as imagining ourselves in others' situations and learning to understand their emotions and thoughts. The book challenges our constant battle with narcissism and hiding behind our impersonal technology. The material educates toward a vision of improved personal as well as world experience of quality, healthy interactions.
February 2, 2017
Prior to reading this book, I was self-aware of a need to develop my "L-factor." The book contains a heavy dose of common sense. Author breaks down likeability into Friendliness, Relevance, Empathy and Realness in a way that is easy to understand and logical with good examples. I was able to identify a specific way I'm sabotaging my friendliness that I'll immediately correct as well as techniques to tweak my ability to be empathetic. I expect these small changes will pay dividends in my relationships.
June 12, 2012
Um...skip the first half and go to section II - increasing your likeability factor. Then skim that for the steps in italics, reading sections as you want more information. Much of it is common sense unless you are a Vulcan. ;)
February 26, 2019
Sander's theories are solid, but I found myself calling him Capitan Obvious after a while. Yes, if you are friendly, you will go farther than an unfriendly person... It seems like common sense. I didn't find anything Earth shattering in this book.
May 14, 2013
This book is absolutely great! I learned many new ways of observing yourself to determine how to make your interactions with others more pleasureful. Trying out some of the ideas in this book will definitely make your life more enjoyable for yourself and those around you. Very good read! Most warmly recommended. Yes, the content could be presented in 60% of the pages. Particularly the first chapter could be very much shorter. But this does not take away from the many most interesting ideas presented.
April 14, 2012
When I was teaching, The L-Factor altered the psychological complexion of my college lecture rooms. Students rarely missed class, because if they did, they MISSED something! Advice to any professor who strives to drive home the value of connecting, use the L-Factor tools to change the game up. Your students will wake up as they tumble toward graduation, even after spring break!
December 2, 2010
liked it! a lot of times these books can be ridiculous but I thought it was modern and well written and also emphasizes the larger picture of what CAN and DOES happen if you improve your likeability efforts (something i am working on....ok?)
April 14, 2020
In this book, Tim Sanders lays out the importance of likeability, and the influence it has on your life and the lives of others. Sanders states that "the choices you make in your life don't shape your life as much as other's choices about you." This quote really hit me as this book unpacked the elements of likeability, and how to improve them. Sanders illustrates those elements to be friendliness, relevance, and empathy, which come to equal realness and a person's ability to be genuine. These characteristics all gather around the ability to care for, appeal to, and serve others in a way that tested how I looked at my own life. Sanders finishes by saying likeable people=Leaders. Great read to apply to business, spiritual life, social life, etc.
September 9, 2018
The first two chapters provided great insight into the correlation between likability and social, professional and personal success. I enjoyed the in-depth empirical research provided in support of the idea that livability is necessity in our age of technology. The book is simply based on the idea that our personal and professional life separation doesn’t exist and we need to build specific habits to have, scientifically proven, better life.
Regarding the practical part of the book, witch is from chapter 3-8, you would be better off just reading “How to win friends and Influence people”. The information is basically the same and provided less entertaining.
Regarding the practical part of the book, witch is from chapter 3-8, you would be better off just reading “How to win friends and Influence people”. The information is basically the same and provided less entertaining.
January 18, 2023
Veoma poučna knjiga kroz koju autor objašnjava zašto je naša omiljenost temelj našeg uspjeha te nam daje konkretne savjete te korake kako da tu istu omiljenost povećamo. It's a must read.
Jedina mana ove knjige jest što mi je na nekim trenucima dosadila zbog navođenja silnih istraživanja na raznim univerzitetima, ali sve u svemu vrijedna vremena.
Jedina mana ove knjige jest što mi je na nekim trenucima dosadila zbog navođenja silnih istraživanja na raznim univerzitetima, ali sve u svemu vrijedna vremena.
August 19, 2017
Some good points on empathy and personal awareness. The second book I've read this year that talks about having a personal manifesto, so maybe I should act on that now. I'm a big Tim Sanders fan and this one didn't disappoint.
February 9, 2020
Loved it! This book explains it all. If you're wondering why things aren't going your way, you probably have a low likability factor. This book was a real eye opener for me. A premise so simple, be friendly, smile - yet so profound. It makes you look at yourself and see what others see.
September 12, 2023
This book started slow, but ended up being better than I thought. The first part discussed why being likeable was important and the second part were ideas/suggestions to be more likeable. Some of it was common sense and some of it wasn't. I would suggest this to other people.
May 2, 2024
likeability is key.
Excellent storytelling with my points and exercises to reinforce key concepts. I read this book years ago. I am glad I came back to it again We can all learn from reading this book.
Excellent storytelling with my points and exercises to reinforce key concepts. I read this book years ago. I am glad I came back to it again We can all learn from reading this book.
May 3, 2024
I read half of it, and yes i agree being thoughtful and kind is a better way to live. But i had to stop reading because i didnt like the way it made me feel: Pressured! don't you dare be unlikable!! Yet we all are, sometimes.
August 31, 2018
It is so motivating ❤️
August 27, 2018
Read “How to Win Friends and Influence People” instead.
March 22, 2020
It seems to be mostly about why it would be good to be likable. By the 3rd chapter it had said a lot about that & almost nothing about how to make any improvement, so I gave up.
May 9, 2021
It's a nice book, not a life-changing book. Easy-reading.
August 26, 2022
Not very memorable and doles out the kind of advice you'd expect.
February 17, 2024
Honestly I gave up middle of chapter 5. Absolutely no useful information beyond telling us that being likable is a good thing.
July 26, 2019
Loved it. Quick read and full of goodness on every page.
October 30, 2024
Very well thought out, well researched book on likeability.
25 bookmarks
Listened via Libby at 2.5x. 6 hours.
25 bookmarks
Listened via Libby at 2.5x. 6 hours.
September 28, 2021
Great read with some practical tips on how to monitor your own L-Factor. Part 2 is where the real meat starts! I do wish there was a summary of the journal tasks, as sometimes one isn’t in the mood to stop the reading rhythm for self reflection.
January 6, 2013
It is always good to have someone else tell you what generally makes people 'likeable' for too easily can you stray from that. Every one has a different likeability factor that is influenced by many things but the book provides focus on what works across a wide audience. Even though many of the concepts are 'obvious' sometimes these do need to be focused on.
The book provides a good guide to some factors that you can implement to certainly improve you 'likeability' which can generally lead to addition benefits in both personal and business relationships. It is not a way for you to pretend to be something your not, it is information about the other persons perspective in the relationship. If you want to be 'liked' you need to be 'liked' by someone so in that context 'likeability' is all about the other party in a relationship, and sometimes that gets overlooked.
There is no doubt that being 'likeable' provides benefits and the book helps you promote and enhance that part of your personality rather than trying to substitute something alien. Like anything that involves the study of human behaviour the answers may seem simple yet they can be some of the hardest to actually live by.
If you are prepared to honestly look at how to improve your relationships then this book is a worthwhile investment.
The book provides a good guide to some factors that you can implement to certainly improve you 'likeability' which can generally lead to addition benefits in both personal and business relationships. It is not a way for you to pretend to be something your not, it is information about the other persons perspective in the relationship. If you want to be 'liked' you need to be 'liked' by someone so in that context 'likeability' is all about the other party in a relationship, and sometimes that gets overlooked.
There is no doubt that being 'likeable' provides benefits and the book helps you promote and enhance that part of your personality rather than trying to substitute something alien. Like anything that involves the study of human behaviour the answers may seem simple yet they can be some of the hardest to actually live by.
If you are prepared to honestly look at how to improve your relationships then this book is a worthwhile investment.
January 19, 2021
HIGHLIGHTS:
1. Your generosity with your deepest truest self is a gift and most people will respond by admiring your realness and raising your L-factor.
2. Stop eating lunch alone.
3. Likeable teachers often become positive influences on their students. Students become better learners when they experience warmth and friendliness when they receive praise, recognition, and respect.
4. If you make people feel great, they will listen to you, think about what you said, and store it someplace in their head.
5. To be valued, offer something the other person needs. Add value to their emotional environment.
6. Likeable people inspire others to give more.
7. One of the greatest benefits of likeability is a social support system that provides you with a lifeline to help you through tough times.
8. The more likable you are, the more likely you are to be on the receiving end of a positive choice from which you profit.
9. Cutting people off, even if only to demonstrate excitement, ranges from insensitive to rude, it inhibits others from sharing their feelings.
10. Likeability may well be the deciding factor in every competition you’ll ever enter.
1. Your generosity with your deepest truest self is a gift and most people will respond by admiring your realness and raising your L-factor.
2. Stop eating lunch alone.
3. Likeable teachers often become positive influences on their students. Students become better learners when they experience warmth and friendliness when they receive praise, recognition, and respect.
4. If you make people feel great, they will listen to you, think about what you said, and store it someplace in their head.
5. To be valued, offer something the other person needs. Add value to their emotional environment.
6. Likeable people inspire others to give more.
7. One of the greatest benefits of likeability is a social support system that provides you with a lifeline to help you through tough times.
8. The more likable you are, the more likely you are to be on the receiving end of a positive choice from which you profit.
9. Cutting people off, even if only to demonstrate excitement, ranges from insensitive to rude, it inhibits others from sharing their feelings.
10. Likeability may well be the deciding factor in every competition you’ll ever enter.
June 15, 2015
Tim Sanders spends the first half of this book explaining why it is important to be likeable. Not only does it lead to success at work and more dates, likeable parents produce happier children, likeable teachers create better students, and being a likeable patient gets you better medical care. I found the first part of the book to be overly long as I do not find the value of being likeable to be a matter of great controversy. The second half of the book is devoted to exercises and practices to help you evaluate and transform yourself into a more likeable person. He stresses authenicity not popularity. While much of the material needs no explanation, this book has some factual gems and can lead to true insight. It has the added advantage of being a fast, well-written read.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 67 reviews