The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting

by Laurence Steinberg

Most parents do a pretty good job of raising kids, says psychologist Laurence Steinberg, but truly effective parenting means not just relying on natural instincts but also on knowing what works and why. In The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting, Dr. Steinberg distills decades of research into a parenting book that explains the fundamentals of raising happy, healthy children, giving readers an invaluable map to help them navigate parenthood from infancy to adolescence. Dr. Steinberg found that the basic principles for effective parenting are simple and universal, and apply to all parents and children regardless of background. He explains each principle and shows how to put it into action, using anecdotes and examples: from "What You Do Matters" (parents make an enormous difference; children are not simply the product of their genes) to "Establish Rules and Limits" (how to provide structure in your child's life, and how to handle conflicts over rules) and "Help Foster Your Child's Independence" (help your child think through decisions instead of making them for him or her). Concise and authoritative, written with warmth and compassion, The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting is an intelligent guide to raising a happy, healthy child and to becoming a happier, more confident parent in the process.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Family, College, School

224 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2004

About the author

Laurence Steinberg is Professor of Psychology at Temple University. He is
Author of numerous books and regularly writes about education issues in
The New York Times and the Wall Street Journal.

Reviews

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. There was so much good information in here. I ended up highlighting a lot of the book. It pertains various ages of kids too. Some of my favorite things I read in the book were...

-What you do matters...tell yourself this every day.
-You are the most important role model for your child...they watch their parents more closely than anyone else. This is especially true prior to adolescence.
-Children learn more by observing their parents than they do by listening to their lectures.
-Children choose their friends but parents influence the choices their children make.
-Don't blame your child's behavior on the television networks, the latest music or the internet. IF you object to what your child looks at, listens to, or surfs through, there are plenty of ways to exert your influence.
-Make sure you know who your child's friends are (the section on friendships held a LOT of good information, too much to write!)
-Your home should be a safe haven for your child, a place where she feels relaxed, secure, and protected from the world, and protected by her parents.
-The strongest and most consistent predictor of children's mental health, adjustment, happiness and well-being is the level of involvement of their parents in their life.
-Make your house one o the places where your child and his friends hang out. The knowledge you gain will more than pay for the extra snacks and soft drinks you'll have to stock in the cupboard.
-When you and your child are spending time together, focus on what you are doing right then, and not on the chores you are neglecting, the works you have to catch up on, or what you will be doing later that day. Be there mentally as well as physically.
-Don't try to refashion your child's disposition. The fearful temperament your child was born with is not going to change by forcing him to confront stressful situations and "tough it out."

This is just a fraction of what I liked and highlighted, great book for parents, I highly recommend it!

[Brandon McDaniel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book comes highly recommended by a distinguished faculty member at Brigham Young University. He said that if there were one parenting book that he would recommend out of all of them out there it would be this one.

[sleeps9hours · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great little book! A friend assigns it in her developmental psychology class. Easy and entertaining explanations of the consistent research findings about successful parenting. Presented in terms of principles, not specific practices. I disagreed with some of the chapter on discipline, as I think there is more research to be done. I love Alfie Kohn’s work on unconditional parenting.

The ten basic principles:
1. What you do matters
2. You cannot be too loving
3. Be involved in your child’s life
4. Adapt your parenting to fit your child
5. Establish rules and set limits
6. Help foster your child’s independence
7. Be consistent
8. Avoid harsh discipline
9. Explain your rules and decisions
10. Treat your child with respect

[Kristen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a really good book. My only complaint was that there were no references cited. The author often just said "Numerous studies have indicated..." I always like to delve a little deeper into things. A lot of what was written in this book was common sense, but it was still a good reminder. My favorite part is on page 156 when it talks about the five elements of an effective punishment: 1. Identify what the child did wrong 2. Describe the impact of the misbehavior 3. Suggest an alternative behavior that would have been more appropriate. 4. A clear statement of what the punishment will be. 5. An expectation that your child will do better next time.

[Karin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this for my Patenting Skills class. It's one of the few text books I want to keep. I think every parent should read this. It's very digestible for the average reader. Dr. Steinberg gives expert advice and information based on sound research. Reading this makes you reflect on they way you were raised, and plan for the way you want to parent.

[Anthony Melena · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has had an immediate impact on my relationship with my 1 year old. In particular, it addresses many of the myths and ideas that are common amongst new and experienced parents, and either supports or explains the challenges from a researcher’s scientific background. Some examples include, babies just need to cry it out in the crib, spoiling your kid with too much love is bad, teenagers need to know who’s the authority in the house. It is a great book for anyone at any stage of their child’s development, and I highly recommend it.

[Brett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome book!

This book has wonderful suggestions about how to learn to be a better parent. I have loved reading it and I will be re reading it as my kids grow!

[Holly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Full of good sound and reasonable advice on parenting with love

[Seo Jang Won · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great guidance to parenting

I am a father of two kids. And I feel like I wish I could read this a book a bit earlier. It is an amazingly helpful guidance to a good parenting.

[Adrian · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read for school

[LaDawn Weston · Rating 5 out of 5]

Practical, research-based parenting counsel. Every parent should have this reference.

[Lisa Beecroft Jackson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Required reading for a child development class. Probably would read it in my own if it wasn’t required. But good info.

[Thais · Rating 5 out of 5]

For sure this book opened my eyes and is helping me to review my role as a parent! I am changing some beliefs and working more in my principles! My son is only two and I am already reaping some fruits! Each age, different challenges!

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best parenting book I have read.

He goes through 10 principles, based on parenting research:
1. What You Do Matters
2. You Cannot Be Too Loving
3. Be Involved in Your Child's Life
4. Adapt Your Parenting to Fit Your Child
5. Establish Rules and Set Limits
6. Help Foster Your Child's Independence
7. Be Consistent
8. Avoid Harsh Discipline
9. Explain Your Rules and Decisions
10. Treat Your Child With Respect

This is a very straightforward, concrete approach to parenting. There are examples -- in fact, there are always three examples: one from a young child, one from an elementary school age child, and one from a teenager -- but the book is primarily teaching principles. At first, I thought I wanted the book to have more examples, but I found that the principle-based approach has really stuck with me and influenced my parenting over the past few weeks.

[Monica Evans · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this for a Parenting class in college at BYU-Idaho. I agreed with most of the principles, but I disliked the author's style of writing / voice. His advice was so obvious that it felt slightly condescending. I distinctly remember a few instances where I thought "no duh" after a paragraph he wrote as if it was some new, interesting information. I haven't read very many books in the self-help category like this one, so maybe this is how all self-help books are. Not a bad book, but I wouldn't go out of my way to recommend it to a friend.

[Lori · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is great in that it covers the very basic principles of good parenting. It isn't full of specific do's and don't (although there are some) but really provides an overall healthy perspective to parenting and how to become better. We used this as a text book for my parenting class and I enjoyed it. Very easy and quick read.

[Christie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I LOVED this book. If you're looking for very specific advice, this may not be the parenting book for you. However, I love that the books has principles instead of parenting rules. So much of this almost seems like common sense and yet no parent follows this principles perfectly. This is definitely a book to read and reread at each stage of childhood.

[Jenny · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was an all around great book on parenting, in fact probably the best one I've ever read. Because it's giving examples of each age group I just skipped over the parts about toddlers and preschoolers or read it and thought "I came to the exact same conclusion" :) Other parts were a great reminders and lastly there were some super ideas that will help me with this teenager stage we're into now.

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had to read this for a Parenting class. Self-help books rarely work for me but this one is readable and full of good, practical advice. I agreed with the parenting strategies and principles and it was far less painful to read than the dozens and dozens of articles and case studies I had to read this semester.

[Esther · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had to read this book for class and initially was not excitied to read another parenting book. (I have read a lot through the years because of my work with kids and parents). I really liked the simple, yet meaningful and applicable principles for parenting.

[Sherri · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very good parenting book. Good solid information that is based on research. The reasoning behind the suggestions are given and good examples of each principle are also included. This is a book that every parent should read (more than once).

[Sara · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think we all need a little help and guidance now and then about how to take care of our kids. This author's ideas were clear and helpful, made sense and made me feel like I could really become a better parent. I'd definitely recommend it.

[Marilee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great princinples and explainations for why they work. Each topic has examples for how you can implement them for each stage of parenting (young children, adolescence, or teenager). My copy is completely marked up with notes for me to reread when I need help throughout my parenting struggles.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Every parent or person interacting with children MUST READ. Give practical, clear, concise advice based in true research. The examples and advice are both easy to understand and flexible to accommodate different children temperaments and family structure. It is a must read!

[Shalyce · Rating 5 out of 5]

While I didn't agree 100% with every point Steinberg makes, overall it is a great guideline to parenting. A lot of the information presented most parents know, but a lot of good reminders, and a good bullet point in the 10 principles of where parenting efforts should be placed.

[Connie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I LOVE this book. Here's why:
1. Easy to read and apply
2. Basic principles that aren't too deep to implement
3. Short chapters (important in a self-help)
4. These principles work

This is a book that I need to read on the regular, it's that good.

[Catherine Buhler · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read this a couple times for my degree and it is still a favorite. I love the realistic goals and aspirations on how to be a more successful parent. I learn so much and if i could have highlighted the whole book, i would have.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lot of this was common sense, but I liked that he gave the reasons behind doing certain things.

[Shauna · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this has some excellent insights and great reminders.

[Jaimit Doshi · Rating 5 out of 5]

outstanding book on parenting. a must read for all parents. superior common sense approach to parenting issues. A bible of sorts