How to Care for Aging Parents

by Virginia B. Morris

Thoroughly updated and expanded, a compassionate, single-volume reference to the many emotional, legal, financial, medical, and logistical issues associated with caring for aging parents covers such areas as nursing homes, finances, finding a good doctor, legal arrangements, redefining parental relationships, and handling emotional challenges. Original.

Genres: Nonfiction, Health, Self Help, Reference, Relationships, Parenting

691 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1996

Reviews

[Sue · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great resource for anyone with aging parents who are changing roles to become the caregiver for their parent. I read several chapters more than once as issues or challenges surfaced. This book has lots of good advice and really good check-lists of things you need to do, documents you need to locate etc. I have recommended it to several people who are facing the same difficult decisions, the guilt, the frustration and all the other feelings that no one, except those of us who are going through this would understand. This book reminds you that you are doing okay and it prepares you for the next steps in the process.

[Jill · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is not the type of book you snuggle in a deep chair on a cold day and read. This is a book you read out of 911 necessity! This is for those of us with parents who may not be able to care for themselves and need help from their children as caregivers. It is more of an layman's encyclopedia with loads of helpful information organized easily. Topics include: Adapting to New Roles, Tips for Daily Living, Getting Help at Home, a whole section on medication for the elderly, Paperwork, Legal Issues, The Aging Brain, Living with Dementia, and Death. As you have a question about something it is easy to flip to that section to find out the information.

This is the third edition (2014) of this book that has been updated with current resource information.

This has been a great resource to me, as I've felt like a kid in a big chair with her legs swinging back and forth, too young, unknowledgeable and overwhelmed to handle everything that goes into caring for my mom. I highly recommend.

AND....I highly recommend all of us getting long term health insurance when we are in our 50s!!!!! It will be the best gift we can give our children as we age.

[Judy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Skimmed. Much information.

page 194: If you decide against family living, stick to your convictions--no matter what Aunt Sally thinks. There are not many people who can live compatibly with a parent at this time of life. Nothing is wrong with deciding against doing so. It is simply honest. Trying such an arrangement when you know it can't work may be worse than not trying it at all, because it disrupts your parent's life and then makes everyone feel as though they have failed...

It's not worth trying this if your blood pressure rises at the mere thought. Think about your relationship with your parent. What was your most recent visit like? Did you enjoy a pleasant afternoon together, or did you watch the clock until you could leave? Is your parent capable of respecting your privacy, your lifestyle and your authority in your own home?"

[Klasko · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read the first edition and the updated edition is currently on my To-read shelf. There is so much practical advice. I found it to be an invaluable tool when I was facing my father's death in May of 2001. I wish that I had read it months before my father's illness; I think I would have been better equipped to deal with his care. This is a must-read for anyone who has aging loved ones or loved ones facing long term care. If you are the aging parent, you may also find it useful in helping your loved ones care for you the way you want to be cared for at this point in your life. I have recommended this excellent book to many friends and to my financial planner who now gives it away to all of her clients who care for aging relatives. I highly recommend it.

[Jean · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book helped me a great deal with preparing to take on some caretaker roles in my 82 yr old mother's life, such as becoming her financial POA as well as her medical decision-maker. The book gave me a great jumping off point in getting those documents drafted myself and what to consider and discuss with her in doing so. It's a great reference tool and I'm tempted to purchase a copy for myself instead of checking it out from the library over and over.

[Shannen · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s huge, but written in a way where you can just read the chapters you need. She mentions a lot of emotions that can go along with caregiving, which was extremely validating and reassuring. She goes into detail about a lot of the logistics of caregiving as a parent’s needs increase as well.

[Sharon · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent resource book.

[Denise · Rating 5 out of 5]

Covers a lot. I'm glad it lists the various organizations, websites, and other resources that provide help, but these can also be a disappointment when you find out the chances of being ineligible are a likely possibility. I found the chapters that focus on emotions for the caregiver child and the parent to be the most helpful.

[Jim Southard · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the definitive encyclopedia on caring for elderly parents. Unfortunately, reading it is about as much fun as reading an encyclopedia. This book is SO long, SO over the top in detail, and hits you with SO many things you need to do and questions you need to ask, that the result (at least for me) was depression and exhaustion. It's also repetitive; the author has attempted to make each chapter stand on its own, but doing so meant repeating the same things multiple times in different chapters, if they were relevant for that chapter. Still, if you are in a situation where you are (or will soon be) caring for an aging parent, I think this book is a "must read" even if the task of getting through it is burdensome. But so is caring for an aging parent, and ultimately this book can help make that role easier. After an initial read, you'll want to keep this book around for future reference, when you can go back to the most relevant chapters to get checklists or reference sources; but I think a first initial full read is still needed to get the full scope of what is available.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm going to go ahead and call this read, even though I didn't see read it cover to cover. It's more like a reference book where you can go and find the topic you are interested in. Really, really helpful stuff and with great respect towards the aging parents. Love the quotes from real people throughout - helps you feel less alone in the challenges that you might be facing.

[Nancy Rubin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Its informative, useful, but not a fun read.

[Janet · Rating 3 out of 5]

More encyclopedic than a cover to cover read. Lots of useful information but a little overwhelming.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Informative for what I'm dealing with now and a resource I know I'll use again in the future. If you have aging parents, get this

[Tiffany Tubville · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read the first edition of this book, so when I read about benefits in the insurance section and funeral costs in the appendix were from 1995 figures...I was able to predict that today’s amount would be much higher. Lol. However, this book was still a wealth of information on all aspects of care: medical decisions and doctors/hospitals, daily care for an aging parent depending on their level of need (in their own home, in your home, or choosing a nursing home), health insurance with focus on Medicare/Medicaid, financial and legal issues (wills, power of attorneys, advanced directives, trusts, etc), and dealing with the emotions that the caregiver and family may encounter. This is not an enjoyable book to read by any means, but is needed because it can be overwhelming to care for an aging parent (I related to the sandwich generation concept - where we are needing to care for young children and parents simultaneously) and it can be difficult for them to slowly lose their independence. There is a lot of fear, anger, sadness and grief to deal with for all those involved. It is helpful to prepare with the knowledge needed beforehand so you might be able to make decisions a little easier in the midst of an emotional time.

[Dawn Livingston · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this is a good reference book that could be useful for decades depending on your situation. There were some parts I skipped over because I don't have that issue or I'm way past that part but I think this covers a wide range of issues in being a caregiver. I found it helpful, much I wish I would have known beforehand.

A must read book I would think if you find yourself in the role of caregiver, even if you are only just getting groceries or taking your parent(s) to an appointment and they are not that dependent on you.

[Debra · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a must for anyone who is experiencing the challenges of caring for an aging parent. My Mom suffers from dementia, and while this is not specifically a book that deals solely with dementia and Alzheimer's disease, it is still a valuable resource that I have referred back to several times while navigating the challenges of caring for her. I highly recommend this book to everyone, even those whose parents may not yet need their children's assistance, as you never know what the future holds. Well written and full of useful information and resources.

[Janis · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book provides tons of practical advice on dealing with elderly parents and their various health and emotional issues. The sections on Medicare, Medicaid and insurance plans seem especially useful, although I'm not sure how long this information will remain current. The last chapter contains an extensive list of organizations and websites related to aging and eldercare. Now that I've read the book from cover-to-cover, I plan to go back through it and compile a to-do list.

[Gillie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This seems to be an amazingly complete book of information, resources, and empathy relating to caring for aging parents. I read it cover to cover, which was a little intense; but I wanted an overview of what I might expect. But it's not necessary to read it this way. It's well-organized, so readers can find and read the relevant sections. I highly recommend it for anyone who has any questions whatsoever about caring for aging parents!

[StarMan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jam-packed with information. Good reference for caregivers of parents with dementia or other health challenges. 5 stars for all the information, tips, and resources.

It's over 650 pages and occasionally repetitive, so use the Table of Contents and Index to skim for what you need. Look for the newest edition (as of this 2022 review, it's the 3rd edition, 2014).

Heavily mentions a great resource: https://eldercare.acl.gov/ (formerly eldercare dot gov).

[Jan Niehaus · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is useful beyond its title. I lost my dad last year, and we still have my mom with Alzhiemer's in a nursing home. I relived those last days and realized what my brother had to go through being dad's executer and is still dealing with Mom. this book doesn't stop there. it even says, "Now it's your turn" and advises you how to get your own affairs in order. It is full of valuable information!

[202 unknown · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nói chung thì rất chi tiết trên toàn bộ các khía cạnh về người già. Có điều bản dịch tiếng Việt có chỗ mình chưa ưng lắm, ví dụ như nghe từ "cha" mình hơi k quen, nghe nó thảo mai, và nhiều thứ thì nó chưa sẵn có ở VN - nói chung thì câu chuyện này ở VN vẫn chưa được quan tâm đúng mức trong người già thì ngày càng nhiều mà con cháu thì ít và ở xa.

Tựa Việt: Cẩm nang chăm sóc cha mẹ già

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought it had a lot of good information that was useful. Some of the information I'd already gotten the hard way from other sources but it confirmed that the suggestions of the authors were very valid.

[Ash · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is kind of a long read but it has a few chapters that hold some very good information in terms of taking care of an aging or sick family member. I would skin through it and read sections that you feel you could be guided more in.

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I did a skim job with this book. It has lots of helpful information and confirms that you and your feelings are not alone. I am thinking this would be a great book to have in the near future as my parents age.

[Dolly]

This book offers a comprehensive guide to the joys, challenges, and pitfalls of caring for an elderly parent.


interesting quotes:

"Keep in mind that talking about the worst-case scenarios won't make them come true, and refusing to talk about them won't make them go away." (p. 5)

[Kathy Butler · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was a home health aide for several years. This is the number one book I recommend to families. It explains every aspect of eldercare. It is extremely helpful for adult children, but also opens the door to difficult conversations with aging parents.

[Julia Dwyer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this as someone who works in memory care, bot someone caring for a family member. I felt this book went in depth and had a lot of good information. Very much recommend for someone worried about a parent or another family/friend aging.

[William · Rating 5 out of 5]

This will be extremely valuable when the time comes.

[Jean-François Pinsonnault · Rating 4 out of 5]

An excellent read for future family caregivers, in preparation for a future role they will undertake.

[Christine]

Caring and well written. I recommend this to anyone who needs to care for aging parents. After walking this path, I am now looking ahead to prep for my own aging journey.