NNEDV’s
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(group member since Sep 24, 2013)
NNEDV’s
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from the Reader with a Cause group.
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We seem to be in the midst of another watershed moment in the United States, with the emergence of viral campaigns like #MeToo and #TimesUp. How do you think these movements build off of the work described in Men Explain Things to Me? What else needs to be addressed in order to comprehensively prevent and end gender-based violence? What’s next?
“There’s no good reason (and many bad reasons) colleges spend more time telling women how to survive predators than telling the other half of their students not to be predators.” (The Longest War, p. 29)In response to campus rape: “…but men were shocked at being asked to disappear, to lose their freedom to move and participate, all because of the violence of one man.” (Grandmother Spider, p. 70)
Rebecca Solnit consistently argues that perpetrators, not victims, need to be held accountable for their actions. What are some ways that you think we can effectively shift the conversation toward placing responsibility on the perpetrator rather than the victim?
Have you seen any effective prevention campaigns that address violence in this way? How did these campaigns frame the issue?
Jan 24, 2018 06:44PM
In the essay “#YesAllWomen,” Solnit finds herself at the website for the Indiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence where she learns, from the coalition’s safety warning on the homepage, that abusers sometimes monitor a victim’s browser history as a tactic of power and control. She writes: “The site is informing women that their abusers may punish them for seeking information or naming their situation. It’s like that out there.” (p. 128)
She’s absolutely right. We know how prevalent technology-facilitated abuse is ("A Glimpse From the Field: How Abusers Are Misusing Technology:" https://www.techsafety.org/blog/2015/...) and it’s why we prioritize addressing technology safety with survivors, local programs, state coalitions, and others (#TechSafetyMeans: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7Dms...).
How does technology impact survivors of violence? How can it be used by a survivor to increase their privacy or stay connected to loved ones?
We were also thrilled to see the Indiana Coalition highlighted in Solnit’s book! Did you know that there are 56 state and territory coalitions in the United States? State and territory coalitions are critical to ending domestic violence. Learn more: https://nnedv.org/latest_update/why-c... or find your state/territory coalition here: https://nnedv.org/content/state-u-s-t...
Solnit cites several examples of the ways that the media dismisses violence as a “mental health issue.” In “#YesAllWomen” she writes: “Mental illness is, however, more often a matter of degree, not kind, and a great many people who suffer it are gentle and compassionate. And by many measures, including injustice, insatiable greed, and ecological destruction, madness, like meanness, is central to our society, not simply at its edges.” (p.122)
Have you seen examples in the media like this? What effect did this portrayal have on the coverage of the case and your reaction to it?
Rebecca Solnit argues that centuries of patriarchy have bestowed an engrained implicit bias in our culture, one that devalues women’s voices and experiences and inherently makes a man’s story credible and a woman’s story doubtful. In “Cassandra Among the Creeps,” she explains:“Hysteria derives from the Greek word for ‘uterus,’ and the extreme emotional state it denotes was once thought to be due to a wandering womb; men were by definition exempt from this diagnosis that now just means being incoherent, overwrought, and maybe confused.” (p. 105)
When a man is accused of sexual assault, sexual harassment, or domestic violence, the victim is often the one who is put on trial. Solnit argues that this is the result of centuries of misogyny that paints women, as a category, as unreliable.
How can we as a culture shift this narrative?
Believing survivors is a powerful way to interrupt this system of oppression. What are some ways that the average person can support survivors?
Throughout the book, Rebecca Solnit makes a strong case that links silencing women with more extreme forms of violence. In one essay, “The Longest War,” she compares the extreme harassment and threats made by proponents of Gamergate with the violence of the Taliban. She writes: “Both are trying to silence and punish women for claiming voice, power, and the right to participate.” (p.30)
Do you agree? Why or why not?
Rebecca Solnit makes a strong case against gender-based violence throughout this book. In “The Longest War,” she writes the following: “There is, however, a pattern of violence against women that’s broad and deep and horrific and incessantly overlooked.” (p. 20)
And then she goes on to say:
“We have an abundance of rape and violence against women in this country and on this Earth, though it's almost never treated as a civil rights or human rights issue, or a crisis, or even a pattern. Violence doesn't have a race, a class, a religion, or a nationality, but it does have a gender.” (The Longest War, p. 21)
While we agree that domestic violence can affect anyone, regardless of race, class, ability, gender identity, or any other identifier, we also know that violence disproportionately affects these groups, as well. Do you think Solnit’s quote diminishes the reality of all oppressions?
How have you seen these intersections impact gender-based violence? What additional barriers do they create?
How do you think we all can better support survivors living at these intersections?
“Yes, people of both genders pop up at events to hold forth on irrelevant things and conspiracy theories, but the out-and-out confrontational confidence of the totally ignorant is, in my experience, gendered. Men explain things to me, and other women, whether or not they know what they’re talking about. Some men.Every woman knows what I’m talking about. It’s the presumption that makes it hard, at times, for any woman in any field; that keeps women from speaking up and from being heard when they dare; that crushes young women into silence by indicating, the way harassment on the street does, that this is not their world. It trains us in self-doubt and self-limitation just as it exercises men’s unsupported overconfidence.” (Men Explain Things to Me, p.3)
If you identify as a woman, do you know what Rebecca Solnit is talking about? Have you ever experienced “mansplaining?” If so, what effect did it have on you?
Have you ever seen “mansplaining” or men silencing women in pop culture, the news, politics, or elsewhere? How was the situation handled?
One of Rebecca Solnit’s main themes in this book is the connection between silencing women and violence. In her essay “#YesAllWomen,” she argues that our acceptance of casual sexism, rape culture, and sexual entitlement have created an environment that is at the very least hostile to women and is a “slippery slope” toward violence. She writes: “A man acts on the belief that you have no right to speak and that you don’t get to define what’s going on. That could just mean cutting you off at the dinner table or the conference. It could also mean telling you to shut up, or threatening you if you open your mouth, or beating you for speaking, or killing you to silence you forever.” (p. 134)
Do you agree? Why or why not?
There is a sense of safety that Wade is able to gain while existing inside the OASIS. What aspects of the OASIS make Wade, Aech, Art3mis, and other characters in the book, feel more safe - both in the physical sense and emotionally as they explored themselves and their identities? Are there spaces on the internet today that people use to achieve this kind of security? Or to escape the sometimes harsh reality of the real world? What do you think are some consequences of existing solely in these types of spaces? Do you think Ready Player One overlooked any of the negative aspects of online spaces, or idealized online existence? Why or why not?
Aech and Wade become best friends in the OASIS, bonding over shared interests - pop culture and otherwise.“Aech’s avatar was a tall, broad shouldered Caucasian male with dark hair and brown eyes. I asked him once if he looked anything like his avatar in real life, and he’d jokingly replied, ‘Yes. But in real life, I’m even more handsome.’” (38)
Upon discovering Aech is actually a Black lesbian, Wade is initially taken aback and isn’t quite sure why someone might choose to hide certain aspects about themselves. However, he quickly realizes that Aech is still Aech and accepts her for who she is.
Do you think that Aech’s true identity reveal is explored with enough depth in the novel? Why or why not? Do you think that Wade’s relatively quick acceptance of Aech’s true identity is realistic? Why or why not?
How does Aech’s decision reflect the grim reality that both online and offline spaces present for many women, people of color, and the LGBTQ community?
Despite her power and experience in the OASIS, a significant emphasis is still placed on Art3mis’ body and appearance. “She occasionally posted screenshots of her raven-haired avatar, and I sometimes (always) saved them to a folder on my hard drive….I found her unbearably attractive.” (35)
Do you think this fixation on Art3mis’ physique diminishes her accomplishments? Why or why not?
Were you surprised that a significant emphasis was placed on the physical characteristics of one of the only female characters in the book, in a story that is set nearly 30 years in the future? Why or why not?
Is this an accurate depiction of what women experience in online spaces – why or why not?
Much like the Hunters after Halliday’s Easter egg, reading Ready Player One was like engaging in an Easter egg hunt of our own. The book was filled with throwback pop culture references galore - from Joust to Super Friends to Bryan Adams and more. Which pop culture reference did you enjoy the most? Were you surprised by any?
If the pop culture references went over your head, did this impact your overall enjoyment of the book? How?
In Ready Player One, the OASIS is much like an escape. People spend time in this virtual world to avoid a polluted, impoverished reality. The effects of climate disruption can worsen existing conditions and inequalities, such as poverty, lack of affordable housing, education inequality, and gender inequality. In the United States, lack of affordable housing is already a problem nationwide, so the stacks don’t seem too far-fetched. Around the world, some communities already resemble Ernest Cline's imagining of the stacks. What impact would it have if all communities looked like the stacks by the year 2044? How might this change further exacerbate existing inequalities?
Did you think this was a “happily ever after” ending? Why or why not? Did you expect anything different to happen?
Jane, like Celeste, stops short of identifying as a victim. Saxon Banks violently sexually assaulted and attempted to strangle her, yet she is apparently more affected by the lasting impact of his words and her fears that their child may grow up to be violent as well. She wonders why his words had so much of an impact on her and ponders whether sexism and patriarchy have played a role in this:
“Why did I feel so weirdly violated by those two words? More than anything else that he did to me, it was those two words that hurt. ‘Fat.’ ‘Ugly.’”
…
“I mean a fat, ugly man can still be funny and lovable and successful,” continued Jane. “But it’s like it’s the most shameful thing for a woman to be.” (205)
Do you agree with her? Why or why not?
Have you also watched the HBO mini-series? Why or why not? What did you think of the casting choices? Big Little Lies also swept the 69th Primetime Emmy’s:
Winner: Outstanding Limited Series
Winner: Nicole Kidman, Outstanding Lead Actress in a Limited Series or Movie
Winner: Alexander Skarsgård, Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Limited Series or Movie
Winner: Laura Dern, Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Limited Series or Movie
Winner: Jean-Marc Vallée, Outstanding Directing for a Limited Series, Movie, or Dramatic Special
In her acceptance speech, Nicole Kidman, talked about the importance of shining a light on domestic violence. (http://ew.com/awards/2017/09/17/nicol...) What did you think of her using her platform to advocate for ending gender-based violence? What other ways has she been an advocate?
Celeste had many resources at her disposal: she has a strong support network of friends; she has access to counseling in her community; she is highly educated; she had a lucrative career and pathway back into the professional world. Despite having all of these resources, it is still incredibly hard for Celeste to leave Perry: Perhaps she could stay. It was always such a glorious relief when she allowed herself to believe she could stay. (69)
And the unassailable fact that underlay all her indecisiveness was this: She loved Perry. She was still in love with him. (144)
The boys had always been her reason to stay, but now for the first time they were her reason to leave. She’d allowed violence to become a normal part of their life. (414)
What other conditions impact Celeste’s decision-making process? What additional barriers might survivors face?
Celeste is depicted as having a picture-perfect life: she is beautiful, wealthy, and educated; her husband is good looking; and she has two beautiful children. Her life is portrayed as aspirational, while also being keenly aware that the abuse she experiences at home is wrong: Celeste often wondered what the Perry groupies would think if they were to see him doing the things he did. (115)
However, she stops short of identifying as a victim or survivor of domestic violence:
She’d read articles about proper domestic violence victims. That was terrible. That was real. What Perry did didn’t count. It was small stuff, which made it all the more humiliating, because it was so...tacky. So childish and trite. (145)
Why do you think the author chose to tell Celeste’s story of domestic violence? Do you think this is realistic?
How did working with a domestic violence advocate impact the way Celeste thought about Perry’s actions? How did it change Celeste’s actions? Do you think it’s important for a victim or survivor to work with an advocate?
The book demonstrates the way that female friendships grow and the power they have to be life-changing. Madeline, Celeste, and Jane were there for each other in ways small and large - from Madeline showing up at Jane’s door to help her with the family tree assignment to Celeste giving Jane a lapis necklace to help with her heal after Jane told Celeste about her assault. Did Liane Moriarty’s depiction of these friendships resonate with you? Did anything surprise you? Disappoint you?
