Alliyah’s Comments (group member since May 06, 2015)

Alliyah’s comments from the Write, Wrote, Written group.

very mysterious... LOVE IT!

Feliks wrote: "sounds more like a short story to me...

questions:
are you deliberately naming her Marcellus after some Roman tribune?

she's *how old*--and 'embarking on a new and better life' --by running off a..."

It might sound like a short story, but it's actually planning out to be pretty long, considering it's mostly based on her memories, which only make sense when they're detailed. Marcella also is going to have a very long adventure, that may be including her encountering a murderer.
It only sounds like a short story because it's a very vague description.

I didn't deliberately name Marcella, Marcella after the Roman tribute, I named her Marcella because in Latin the name means 'young warrior' and in Italian Marcella means warlike, martial and strong, which I wanted the character to be. I mean you have to be very mentally strong to run away from your own home.

She's 17 years old in the story and when you read the story, you find out why she runs away to start a new and better life/ where she truly belongs.

She does bring food and clothes and money to pay for shelter. Also in the book, I am making it so that she's been saving enough money to go on a plane and go to Paris, where she has always wanted to go... well she might, if she can make it to the flight in time.

I took that part, about the restaurant out and I'm just saying right now that it's NOT going to happen. There will be no 'family restaurent that she goes to'.

LOVE IT!

Hello whoever this may concern,
So I know I'm currently trying to jugle writing at least 4 books (It's hard to keep track of all of them!) right now, but I'm thinking of starting another one?

So I'll put the description of the book here (The title is Runaway and by the way the description kinda sucks, so I'm trying to make it better too.) and if whoever is reading this, could say if I should keep writing it and such. So here is the description:

Runaway

Mommy’s young warrior; Marcella Glashow runs away from home, hoping to start a new and better life.
She embarks on a great adventure to discover her true self and where she truly belongs.
But as she goes on her adventure she recalls the great moments she had with her family and friends and the depressing moments.
Will Marcella go back home?
Or will she continue her adventure?

Feliks wrote: "On the negative: plot sounds overly lurid and complicated. Full of the corniest kind of 'sudden, unexpected surprises' that earmark all such stories going back to the Greeks.

On the positive: the ..."

Thankyou for the criteria! I love when people give me more ideas! I will try to use your points in my writting more often!
(Also I just wanted to say that its only narrative for the prologue and a few other parts in the book the rest is from 1st person)

Hbomb wrote: "Hi Alliyah, interesting idea, can I just ask if you're meant to be spelling the girls name as 'Analyse' and not 'Annelise'?"

It's Analyse for me, even though it's the same as 'analyse' but whatever

Prologue



It was a peaceful night in the little town of Ajax. It was a full moon and it seemed to be glowing brighter than usual. The stars glimmered and shimmered in the indigo sky. In a quaint, little house, singing could be heard as a mother sang to her newborn daughter.

“Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is.. Is…” the mother struggled. “Bright.” said a voice behind the mother. She looked back and smiled, it was her husband, also the father of the newborn. “Thankyou,” the mother said, turning back to her baby. “I always forget that part.” The father walked over to his wife, when he noticed the full moon and walked over to the large window in the room. “Did you notice it’s a full moon?” he said with a sly smile.
“Of course. How could I forget about it, you always remind me and say the same thing; weird things happen on a full moon.” the two of them said together.

The father looked back at his wife, caressing the baby and smiled. This was the life he’d always wanted: to have a beautiful wife, a beautiful house and a beautiful child or children.

The mother of the child looked at her baby lovingly. She always dreamed of having a child, let alone a girl. She never thought she could have such a perfect life and she wouldn't’t take it for granted, like her mother did. Her mother was always working, partying, shopping, out or in her room. The mother thought her mother was trying to ignore her, she thought that her mother was happy that she was gone.

“She looks so adorably when she’s sleeping.” the mother said, as she stood up from the rocking chair she was sitting in. The mother walked over to the child’s crib and put her in it. The father walked over and put his hand around the mother's shoulders. “She does. Now lets let her sleep.’ the father said. He kissed the mother's forehead and walked out of the nursery.

“Goodnight, my little Analyse.” the mother said and walked out of the room.

I love the story I hope you keep writing it!

All I can say is...
wow! That's amazing and I think you should keep writing this "Firefly" book!

Hi whoever is looking at this!
So I was thinking of wrtiting another book called "It's Not Coming Back" even though I have "Another World" to finish, but it's just that the idea of writing "It's Not Coming Back" has been on my mind lately instead of "Another World" so I get to do this book until I have ideas for "Another World". Well anyway I'll put the description of the book here and you guys can tell me what you think!

A young girl named Analyse had a perfect life. She had perfect grades, already got a scholarship to college, was popular, had the bestest friend anyone could ever have and had the most caring family anyone could ever have!
When everything changed.

Her mother and father disappear out of nowhere. She becomes -what she hopes is a temporary orphan and has to leave everything she worked so hard for behind. She loses her friendship with her best friend, stopped getting good grades, lost her scholarship, her popularity and entered a depression stage.
She thought that her situation couldn’t get any worse…
until it did.

The police working on the investigation to find her parents found something big and the big thing, left Analyse a prime suspect and going to court. Will Analyse be able to deal with all this bad news and depression?
Or will she give up?

ƐƖƖα ⚯͛ wrote: "Oh yeah, it's not on Netflix yet. I used to watch it on Netflix before season 4, but I caught up and started watching on CTV.

Anyways, yeah, did you get the idea of the safe place from Once?"

No I started this book before Istarted watching Once Upon A Time

ƐƖƖα ⚯͛ wrote: "Really? I think I asked you once, and you said you didn't watch it."

Weird because I do, but I only watch the seasons and episodes on Netflex because I don't have the channel where the put it on, on tv

Chapter Seven
The curse
“What do you mean you lost her!?” ,yelled the goblin king. “I’m sorry dad. We were in the hall and then she ran off and disappeared out of thin air.” ,said Prince Edwart. “Whatever.” ,said the goblin king. “Guards! Get me the locket!” The goblin guards went into a room and came back out with a golden locket. “Father I still don’t understand why we keep that locket.” ,said Prince Edwart.

The king took the locket and opened it. Inside there were two pictures; a picture of Jack and a picture of Queen Petunia, but she wasn’t alone. There were two other royals; Princess Summer and Prince Chance. They were Autumn’s parents. Princess Summer had wavy brown hair and had green eyes, she wore a purple and gold dress and had a golden crown with green and purple diamond and jewels on it. Prince Chance had thick brown hair that almost looked black and copper brown eyes, he wore a gold and white suit with a red cape and wore a golden crown with blue diamonds on it.

The Goblin King had found Autumn wearing the locket when they first arrived and they took it for good use and now they need it. The king smiled and said to his son, “Edwart, my son, do not worry. It’s okay that you let Autumn getaway. I’ve been dying to use this curse and now I can.” The prince looked confused, worried and scared all in one, but he also felt like he was betraying Autumn. He knew how heartless his father was and whatever the curse was, it most likely wasn’t good.

He’d always had a little school boy crush on Autumn and he didn’t want her to get hurt. Autumn had always been so nice to him. She’d never yell at him, she’d never get mad at him or given him attitude. Well she’d never done all that besides that day. He’d felt so bad when she yelled at him and when he’d made her run away from him.

The king could still see that his son was worried so he said, “I promise my son that you will marry Autumn. Even if we have to make her say ‘I do’.” The prince gulped and he could feel the worry and betray molding up into a ball in his throat. “You're not going to hurt her, right?” ,asked the prince. The king gave him a devious smile and responded, “Why don’t you go study some more in your room, Edwart?” Edwart nodded and left the room, now he was really afraid of what would happen to Autumn.

The king got up and went to his lab. The lab was a secret room hidden behind a bookcase. It was a room made of a black stone. In it there were magic books lying around and bottles, bowls, cups and vases filled with potions and limbs and all sorts of various materials. And in the middle of the room was a fireplace with green fire and on top of it, a cauldron with a greenish, yellowish substance.

The king placed the locket in the cauldron and went around gathering other materials and putting them in the cauldron. Like a griffin feather, a fairy tear, a page of a old book of magic and an eye of a wise owl. When all the ingredients were in the cauldron, the king mumbled a few words of a spell and the locket came rising up from the cauldron. It looked the same except for the greenish, moldy texter now on it.

The king snatched the locket from the air and put on an evil grin. “I’ll find princess and when I do, you are going to wish you never ran away.” ,said the King blaring his yellow, rotten teeth at the locket.

ƐƖƖα ⚯͛ wrote: "Um, no. I said just like Once Upon a Time. There's a show called Once Upon a Time, and the beginning has something that's just like in the show."

Oh I know what you mean. I watch Once Upon A Time too! I'm only on the fourth season tho (The season with Elsa)

ƐƖƖα ⚯͛ wrote: "My reaction in the prologue: OMIGOD, JUST LIKE ONCE UPON A TIME! OMG! OMG!"

I see that you like when storys start with Once Upon A Time huh?

ƐƖƖα ⚯͛ wrote: "Take your time! Writing can't always be as planned. And in the meantime, I'll try to read this. It seems interesting! :) So don't apologize!"

Thanks for saying that! Writing is pretty hard sometimes! And thankyou for reading my book! I hope it is interesting to you!

Sara wrote: "Hi! I am loving read your book. I like to write too. Your story is similary The lord of rings... I hope Jack and Autumn can be together. I think that they meant to be... They look like soulmates. I..."

Thankyou very much for sayin that! Really I got my idea for this book from reading The Land Of Stories series by Chris Colfer. Though I do like Lord Of The Rings too. Also I'm glad that you like my book! I'll see if I can start reading your book if you like!

I just want to say that next week I might not have the seventh chapter because I am currently trying to write it and the chapter's taking longer then I thought it would take. My apoligies if the seventh chapter's not here next week

Chapter Six
The Memories Back
“Come on Autumn just try!” ,said Jack. “I am!” ,replied Autumn. She shut her eyes as hard as she could and concentrated on the cookie in the cookie jar. The cookie jar lid flew off and Jack gasped. “Autumn, open your eyes!” Autumn opened them and-

Jack woke up in his grandmother's guest bed and felt a horrible pain in his head. “Oww…” ,he whispered to himself. He picked up his phone from the dresser beside the bed and it was 1:24 A.M. “Jeez.” ,said Jack.

As Jack walked into the kitchen to see his grandmother making breakfast. “Gran? Why are you up so early?” His grandmother looked behind her shoulder to see Jack. “I always wake up this early.” ,replied. “The question is; why are you up?” Jack's grandmother turned around to look at him with a smile.

Jack took a seat at the table and sighed. “I don’t know. I had this… dream.”
“Was Autumn in it?” ,she asked. Jack looked up at his grandmother and nodded his head: yes. “Ok, Jack I need you to tell me the dream with every detail.” ,said his grandmother. Jack nodded his head again and thought as hard as he could back to the dream.

“It was me and Autumn in a… kitchen, we were at least five years old or so. I was telling her to try harder and then she said ‘I am!’ and she closed her eyes hard and-”
“Autumn, you opened it!” ,said Jack. “I did… I did! Yes!” ,Autumn screamed, while jumping around happily. “Ok now try and lift the cookie from the jar.” ,said Jack. So Autumn concentrated on the-


“Ahhhoww!” ,Jack cried grabbing his head. “What did you see?” ,asked his grandmother. Jack finished grabbing his head and opened his eyes again. “We… we were in the kitchen again. It was the same memory, but the rest of it. Though I didn’t finish it. Autumn had opened this cookie jar. She jumped happily cause she had opened it and we were so excited!” ,Jack grinned as he said that, but then the grin left to a frown. “How had she opened the jar without her hands?” ,he asked.

His grandmother's smile left and she answered, “Jack you need to know there’s a whole other world out there and that’s where Autumn is. A whole other world with fairies and witches, and goblins, and queens and kings. Autumn is a fairy. Well to be honest the Fairy Princess.”

Jack stared at her like she was crazy. ‘A whole other world?’ ,he thought. ‘Thats impossible.’ His grandmother saw the look and sat down at the table with him. “Jack you’re from that world. You were born there. Your real parents are there.” ,she said. Jack gave her the look again, but then his head started pounding!

“Jack! It’s time to come home!” ,called Jack’s real mother. “I’ll be there in a second! I’m so close to beating Autumn at cards!” ,Jack yelled back. His mother smiled and said “Alright, but don’t take too long!”
“We won’t!” ,Autumn yelled back. “Cause I just won.” Autumn put one of her cards down and it was a winner! “No way! I was just about to win! If only I hadn’t played with a.. cheater!” ,Jack said, as he grabbed Autumn’s arm and they rolled down the hill laughing and screaming joyfully.

When they got to the bottom of the hill they sat up and started laughing and laughing. Jack was the first to get up, then he helped Autumn get up. “Thanks Jack.” ,said Autumn. They then heard a-.

“Ahhh!” ,Jack screamed again in pain. “Jack you can’t fight it. You’re seeing the memories for a reason, so you know what you need to know when you get back.” ,said his grandmother. Jack let go of his head and calmed down. “If you calm down a bit and let the memories come, than it won’t hurt.” ,said jack’s grandmother. Jack breathed in and out and then laughed.

The laugh took his grandmother by surprise. “Gran I think your mind is going. There’s no such thing as another world” ,Jack said. His grandmother sighed. Then she stood up and asked, “What is something that you desire to see or have?” Jack looked down at the table then back at her. “My parents. My real parents.” ,he said.

His grandmother held out a hand and then spun it in a circle and a mirror appeared out of thin air. She turned the mirror around to look at Jack. His mouth has hanging down from what he just saw. He looked in the mirror and there in it were two people sleeping. “Jack these are your real parents; Mabel and John Hartley.”

Jack just stared at the sight of his parents sleeping. “Do you believe me now Jack?” Jack looked up at his grandmother, mouth still open and nodded his head. He felt a rush go through his body and then he saw memories and memories, and memories of his life that he hadn’t remembered before.

Chapter Five
No Goodbye But Hi

“Get her!” ,yelled one of the guards, as he rode passed a group of guards. They all started running after the girl.
“Hie! Hie!” ,yelled the guards to the horses and they zoomed passed all the houses of the town.

“Go Fire! Go!” ,yelled the girl to her horse. The horse went faster and faster. They finally got to the forest and went straight into it, with all five guards behind them. “Go to the cabin Fire!” , yelled the girl to her horse again. The horse nodded still running.

The horse and the girl rushed passed a giant tree, still with the guards on their tails. And they came to a stream, there was no bridge, but they didn’t stop. When they go to the edge, the horse jumped and… landed! Safely on the other side and still ran. The guards got to the stream, but the horses didn’t jump, they stopped right before falling in, catching a glimpse of the face of the young girl looking back at them.

She had a smile on her face, brown eyes almost that almost could be mistaken as black and curly hair with dirt in it and a little scare on her cheek.

One of the guards couldn’t believe what he saw. He was the general of the guards; John Hartley. When he saw the face of the young girl, he knew exactly who it was; Autumn! “Autumn?” ,he whispered to himself. But he didn’t need someone to answer it for him.

He kicked his horse and the horse jumped right over the stream running off faster than ever, racing after what could be Autumn. They ran and ran and ran and finally saw Autumn.

Autumn heard the galloping of another horse and looked behind her. “Stop!” ,she yelled and her horse stopped and turned to face him. “Mr Hartley?” ,she said. John looked at her unsure and replied, “Autumn?” She smiled sadly and said, “Yes its me.”

Her horse was agitated and started moving around. “Who is this guy?” ,the horse said. John was startled. A talking horse!
“Fire, this is Jack’s father. Mr Hartley, this is my horse; Soul Fire.”

The horse had white skin with what looked like black socks on her legs and had black hair, with bright baby blue eyes. She also had a horn on the tip of her head with a sharp end.

“I’m not a horse!” ,Soul Fire said offensively. “I’m a unicorn!”
“Sorry.” ,said Autumn. “So, Mr Hartley… hows um… Jack? If I should ask.” Autumn put her head down. She knew she was a pretty horrible friend for not even seeing Jack. She didn’t even know if they were friends.

“I don’t know.” ,said John. “I haven’t seen him since The Goblin War began. By the way, where were y-”
“There over there!” ,called a guard from the trees. “No.” ,said Autumn. “Mr Hartley you can’t take me back!

Please!” Soul Fire began stepping back getting ready to run as fast as she could.
“I won’t I promise.” ,said John. Then the guards came out. “Grab her!” ,said one of the guards.
“We’re taking you to jail!” ,said another one, while grabbing her hands and putting handcuffs on them. “No.” ,said John and all the guards paused. “We’re
taking her to the Fairy Kingdom.”
“No!” ,screamed Autumn. “No! That’s worse! No! No!”
…
It's been a few hours since they had started for the Fairy Kingdom. Autumn had finished screaming an hour after they left.

“Mr Hartley?” ,said Autumn and Soul Fire galloped closer to him, so Autumn could see his face.
“Yes?” ,said John, keeping his head up and watching for anything in the forest.
“You said that you hadn’t seen Jack since the war. Where did he go?” ,she asked. Hartley looked over at her. Her eyes were filled with tears, getting ready to hear that Jack didn’t make it. That he died.

“Before the war had begun, your grandmother told us that it might start soon and that she had a safe place to
put Jack for the war and he could come back in five years. We agreed to it and he never came back.” ,John was expecting her to cry after what he just said, but when he looked back at her she looked mad.

My grandmother lost Jack!” ,she said, grinding her teeth. “First she gives me away and then she loses Jack!?”
“What do you mean?” ,said John. Autumn looked down at her hands in the handcuffs. She was about to begin when one of the soldiers announced; “We’re here! At the Fairy Kingdom!”

Autumn and John looked up at the beautiful, golden palace. Autumn sighed as the guards pulled her up the steps to the castle. Two of the front guards gasped, as they saw Autumn come up the steps. “Hi Frank, hi Lambert.” ,said Autumn to the guards, she knew as a child and still remembered their names.

She walked through the door and there, sitting on her throne talking to General Markham, was her Grandmother; Queen Petunia Sparkle. “My queen.”
36
,said John, bowing. The queen turned and so did General Markham and they both gasped. “Autumn?” ,the queen whispered.
“Ya, it’s me. Big deal.” ,said Autumn, somehow already annoyed by her grandmother even though she’d only said one thing.

Petunia had a weird look on her face. She didn’t understand why Autumn seemed mad, or was. Petunia slowly got up from her chair and walked up to Autumn and stood right in front of her. Petunia saw the scar on her cheek and wondered what it was, but before she asked she hugged Autumn and started to cry. “Oh Autumn. Where have you been?” ,said Petunia.

“Shouldn’t you know?” ,said Autumn, still annoyed. Petunia stopped hugging Autumn and had a confused look on her face.
“What do you mean? You’ve been gone for eight years now.” ,said Petunia.
“I’ve been gone because you gave me away! At least that's what the goblins said and I was forced to believe


37
them cause nobody else was there to tell me a different explanation!” ,yelled Autumn. “So that’s what I believe… and I will never forgive you for it.”

Everything was silent. The guards gasped at what she said, but they didn’t say anything. Petunia stared at Autumn angrily. General Markham stared at Petunia and Autumn, waiting to see what would happen.

“Guards. Take Autumn to her room and lock the door when you leave.” ,said Petunia, very slowly. The guards took Autumn by the arms and took her to her room.

“Where did you find her, John?” ,asked Petunia.
“She was trying to steal food from a market and she ran on a horse I caught up to her and my other men came and grabbed her. She’s known as a wanted thief in the kingdom.” ,said John Hartley.
“Do you know why she had that scar on her face?” ,asked Petunia. John looked at his men and they shook their heads, meaning that they didn’t do it.
“My men say that they didn't do it. It could have been the goblins. You know how King Gorge is.” ,said John.

The queen shook her head in disbelief. “I can’t believe those horrible goblins would tell her I gave her away. I would never do such a thing.” ,she said. “I could never imagine how she felt.”
“Well, I must go Petunia. The king and queen await for their general.” ,said John. The queen nodded her head and thanked John for finding Autumn and John rode off with his men following behind.

The queen turned back to General Markham and said, “Do you mind checking on Autumn for me? I know that she wants nothing to do with me.” General Markham nodded his head and went to check.

The queen went back to her throne and sat down, just when she heard, “My queen! You must come see this!” Queen Petunia got up from her throne and ran to the grand hall and up the stairs to find General Markham standing in front of two dead soldiers. The two who were supposed to take Autumn to her room. The queen ran to Autumn’s room and looked out the window to see Autumn riding Soul Fire to the woods. “General Markham! Send out the guards! I can’t lose her again!”