Marise’s Comments (group member since Jul 24, 2009)

Marise’s comments from the I'm Trying to Get a Book Published! group.

Just wanted to post a heads up that "History of the Timelaws" will be free on amazon in kindle format tomorrow December 24th for one day only. If you’re looking for a time travel narrative that will exercise your mind while keeping you on the edge of your seat with action packed chapters, this is the story for you.

Synopsis

Fifteen-year-old Elizabeth was raised by her oldest brother, Luke, after their parents passed away two years ago, in 1979. She’s a tough girl, capable of handling herself any kind of fight: fist, knife or magical. Growing up in a tough neighborhood taught her the first two forms of combat and she inherited the third from her parents.

Now in 1981, she is surrounded by people who care deeply for her and who know not to take life too seriously. Her closest friends are the type of people who discus what color they would like to make the presidential urine where they not so careful about abusing their powers. But if the timeline changes, all of this and more could be at stake.

If Elizabeth doesn’t learn to understand the consequences of time travel, her history, and the universe's, will all be rewritten. Unfortunately as her past changes, so does her memory.

Link: http://www.amazon.com/History-of-the-...

New book cover! I had a new book cover designed for HotT and I'm really excited about it. Now I need to figure out if there's a way to get the updated cover to display on goodreads instead of the original cover. Anyone have any ideas?

I mentioned in my previous post that I finally got "History of the Timelaws" published via Createspace and Kindle. Now I'm on the hunt for reviews to be posted here on goodreads and on amazon. I would be willing to email anyone a free .mobi or pdf file of "History of the Timelaws" if they would promise to write me an honest review.

History of the Timelaws

It's a fun read; I swear! Lol

Well, it's certainly been a long time since I've added to this thread, but well, now I finally have something to add. My book, History of the Timelaws was published on kindle today! It will be out in paperback in a couple of days. As mentioned before, I've posted a few early chapters on my Goodreads page in case anyone's interested in taking a peek.

Marise wrote: "Kevis wrote: "Marise,

You've known me too long to know that I would never get bored from reading your stories, LOL! Actually, I want to give you some delicious feedback. So I'm going to to type ..."

Also, I have to ask, am I supposed to be thinking about Mobby Dick this whole time or is that just coincidance... it seems a little too strong to be coincidence but I was never the analytical type when it comes to reading.

Kevis wrote: "Marise,

You've known me too long to know that I would never get bored from reading your stories, LOL! Actually, I want to give you some delicious feedback. So I'm going to to type up something tha..."

Thank you for your kind words Kevis. I'm very glad you liked chapter three! Means I got the effect I was going for. Unfortunately things slow down a bit at the beginning of chapter four while I try to indroduce the main conflict but personally I think chapter five makes it totally worth it.

I'm about half way through Rogue Hunter, and honestly I've got to say I think it's even supirior to "Legend of Witchbane." I love how fast you've kept things moving. Even if there was the slightest chance that the plot might be predictable you don't give the reader a chance to even guess before the next thing happens.

What's what? "The Green Mile"? It's a novel, I believe narrated by someone on death row though that's all I know about it.

There are sites where you don't need to log on at all to read or post stories (like freestories.com). Either way, I generally don't post up more than a couple chapters on most sites. The one execption is the site I mentioned above (youwriteon) becuase the audiance is pretty limited (especially here in the US) and the advantages of the critism from other authors far outwieghs the potential costs for me.

Rita J. wrote: "Cool story, Marise. There are some parts that got confusing--where they were, who she was talking to, what they were doing--but other than that, I'm still sitting here thinking, wow, how on earth d..."

Thank you Rita for taking the time to read my work. I really appreciate it. I will go back and do my best to make things clearer. Perhaps I could also add locations next to the dates at the top.

I have the wonderful intent of reading other memeber's writing... but of course classes and all else gets in the way. I'll be sure to get to your work as soon as I'm done reading Kevis's "Rogue Hunter".

Oh, I didn't mean to push you. And I completly understand if you read the first paragraph, decide your borred and drop it. That's good feedback too after all.

I'd actually already downloaded and started to read it (Rogue Hunter). I commented on the cover because I didn't know what I thought of it at first. Then when I stopped reading and came back to it the next day, I looked at the cover and immediately remembered Zyra's (sp?) personality which I thought was fantastic.

I'll try to look for those videogame references now that you mentioned it (though being me I'll probably miss them)... and now I have to resist the sudden urge to ask you if you've played all my favorite games. lol.

The cover of "Rogue Hunter" is facinating to me. It actually makes me think a little bit of a videogame cover. Was that your intent?

I look forward to your comments. Since you've read Sorcery I'm especially curious to know if you prefer this writing style to the old. I was told the way 'sorcery' was written made it hard to understand sometimes, which I can understand (and it didn't help that i didn't do a great job with commas and the like) but at the same time I thought it added character and style... Anyways, looking forward to hearing what you think Kevis.

Marise

Ha! Interesting concept. Have fun! (Personally, I think I'd cry but that's just because it takes me about a year to finish 50,000 words. lol).

Why do you have to wait till november? Of course, you don't have to answer if you don't want to.

Alright, I now think the first three chapters of my book that I have posted here on Goodreads are polished enough to show off.

You can read the basic idea in the query letter I have posted above. Here's the link for anyone who might be interested:
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/4...

In general, I'm looking for critiques and ways to improve so I won't be offended if you read it and have negative comments.

Kriss wrote: "This is my snopses for The Seventh Dimension... is it good? Does it capture you're attention? Is it flawed? too long? Confusing? Please tell me :)


"In a flash he was gone, having disappeared i..."


It's well writen, but I don't think it's what agents or publishers want for a synopsis. For example you ask the question 'will she listen?'. At this point, agents want you to tell them everything, including whether or not she will listen. They want to know the whole plot from beginning to end with no cliff hangers. That's not what you have here.

Sorry to sound so negative... I'm not critisizing what you wrote, just telling you what I've read on the subject.

Also, in general they expect it to take about a page (maybe a little less) for you to tell them the plot.

Hey Kriss, I love big cats too!

deleted user wrote: "So, what if you have 3 different stories taking place throughout the book, how would you put that into a sypnosis?"

I have a similar problem. My character gets split in two and both are having completely different experiences. What I did in my rough draft of my synopsis is explain that the actual novel alternates between the two points of view. Then I went ahead and explained one at a time, citing when an action was the result of something the other did. I don't know if this'll work with your piece, but you might consider it.

I'd read it too. Especially if you indicated there might be some humor.

My query letter:

The classic time paradox question: If I go back in time to change the past, and succeed, then will I have ever had reason to go back in the first place? Or better yet, if I go back in time to change events, when will I start remembering the new order? Elizabeth doesn’t know the answers to these questions any more then you or I. However, she’s going to have to find those answers real fast if she wants to continue existing.

“History of the Timelaws” is a 53,000 word young adult blend of fantasy and science fiction narrated by a fifteen-year old girl. Elizabeth runs a universe-wide sector of a military-like, magical society she calls ‘Dark’. As she tells readers in the prolog, Elizabeth is the type of girl who can handle herself in a fight: fist, knife, or magical. She learned the first two forms of combat growing up in a rough neighborhood with her two older brothers. Their parents passed away three years ago, in 1979, leaving Elizabeth to inherit her father’s rank.

Elizabeth is surrounded by people who care deeply for her and who know not to take life too seriously. Her closest friends are the type of people who discus what color they would like to make the presidential urine where they not so careful about abusing their powers. But if the timeline changes, all of this and more could be at stake. The very war between wizards and Darks might be lost.

Soon, Elizabeth finds herself facing a universe without Timelaws. Timelaws are created by a spell that prevents good and evil magical beings alike from causing time paradoxes or changing events in their personal past. Without Timelaws, chaos ensues, and Elizabeth has to find a way to take command of an ever changing universe.

To make matters worse, her oldest brother, who doesn’t know magic exists, starts to suspect that Elizabeth’s keeping secrets from him. His concerns are confirmed when wizards attack him and Elizabeth’s other sibling.

The plot is complex and emotional, but not without elements of humor. Take for example the scene where I describe a street alley knife fight against invisible wizards: the wizards have magic; Mark, Elizabeth’s brother, has a sharp piece of metal and no idea where to point it. It’s not a fair fight.

As a teenager, I used to love reading about strong female protagonists. As such, this book is intended for a young adult audience.

I have taken a creative writing course in college and have been member of two writers groups. I have also posted my first three chapters on youwriteon.com for reviews by other talented authors.

[Insert here reason I’ve elected to query publisher or agent X:]

I hope you are interested and I look forward to your reply. A full manuscript of my book is available upon request, though I am still polishing the final chapters. Thank you for taking the time to read my query letter.




I'd love any helpful comments anyone's willing to offer.

Marise