Mae (inactive due to school)’s Comments (group member since Sep 02, 2024)

Mae (inactive due to school)’s comments from the Problems with Life/Emos and Goths group.

i eat like every other day sometimes i skip two days instead of just one i can’t stand it anymore feeling like this

hurt by WEI
enough for you by olivia rodrigo
what was i made for by billie eilish
play with fire by sam tinnesz

i write letters to my bsf who is part of the reason i’ve struggled with thoughts (no attempts. just self-harm, but i haven’t gone too far yet) with hopes that IF something happens, he’ll read them and know i don’t blame him (tho he’s pissing me off right now by acting like i don’t exist) but like with him acting the way he is had me questioning my existence and “what if i died how would he feel?”
i havent gone to counceling because every other therapy i’ve tried the person just says “i understand” and “it’s going to be okay”.
my bsf also said that i can’t make anyone happy if im not here but clearly hes mad at me or he wouldnt be like this so maybe i should bring up that convo again. he said once that my happiness was the only thing he was concerned with when we had that convo cuz hes alr had a friend that committed suicide
he also never answered my question to “if i died how would you react?” with different circumstances, this being one of the four
maybe he lied and doesn’t really care….

don’t know if anyones active here anymore but like i kinda have a major crush on my bsf and he kinda got me out of a really bad time in my life he was the shoulder to cry on when my grandfather died too and like for fourth of july he acted like i never existed then a month ago said he didnt want to talk. last week he says we’re fine but still never texts
do i ignore him and try to get rid of our friendship (or whats left lol)? or do i confront him and ask what’s really going on (tried and got vague answers. i’ll ask for specifics if so)?

idk if anyones still like on here but like i get bullied all the time ive been bullied all my life and had to remove myself from my biological father and his whole family because of it. bullying didnt let up at school either.
i ended up just fighting back a few years back but like that only makes it worse and makes me more scared.
people say that i look emo and depressed and stuff like yeah im depressed i have issues rn but you dont have to point it out like a sore thumb. also i get teased for hurting myself on purpose.
anyone have any ideas? how do i stop or decrease the bullying?