Library Lady 📚 ’s Comments (group member since Feb 16, 2014)

Library Lady 📚 ’s comments from the Beta Reader Group group.

I emailed you. If it doesn't show up, check your spam.

Thank you!

Hi! I'm looking for some feedback on a sweet na romance. it has a little sex, not graphic, and mild language. please PM if interested. thank you!!!!

When Kristina is dumped at the airport, she vows to make her summer in Rome count. She's going to get over her ex in style--hopefully with a hot Italian guy as her rebound. After all, there's no better way to get over one guy than to grab another. That's just what she does, the moment she steps off the plane in Rome on her study abroad trip and meets Armani. But with only six weeks to get to know him, decide if he's as perfect as he seems, and figure out what kind of head games he's playing, she knows it can't be more than a fun summer fling. 

Or can it?

Looking for someone who can point out big issues, pacing/plot/character and can read in 2 weeks

would you be interested in a swap? sweet na, sex but not graphic.

would you be interested in a swap? sweet new adult, sex but not graphic.

Hi! I'm looking for some feedback on a short novella. Here's a short description.

A reaper finds the last living human and harvests his soul for her master, expecting the reward he promised--freedom. But Lucifer is a clever master, one who isn't ready to let a subject regain free will easily. The reaper's only hope is to find the angel who witnessed the harvesting and convince him to testify on her behalf. Without proof, she is at the mercy of Lucifer, and at risk of spending eternity in the depths of her own personal hell.

Please email me at lenahillbrand at yahoo dot com if you're interested in reading. Thanks!

I think we've all (or most of us) had this happen. All I can say is, it sucks! I've come to the conclusion that you just make the best of it and hope you find good readers. If you do, make sure to thank them! And ask if you can keep their email on file for the next time you need a reader.

On the other side: I've also swapped with several authors who didn't return anything helpful while I combed theirs for errors and gave big picture issues. I've also had books that were riddled with typos and almost impossible to read. So it goes both ways.

The first one doesn't give enough details. The second one is a good start, but I'd lose the question mark on the last two sentences, and word them so that we still wonder but without making it a question.

I may be the exception, but I love flashbacks. They almost always give the reader a better understanding of the character. I say go for it!

I'd also try www.Absolutewrite.com/forums.

You will have to participate a little before you can post (maybe 50 posts) but there are so many threads it's not hard to do. You can post both queries (QUERY LETTER HELL) and excerpts of your writing for critique. The writers there are very experienced and can offer more feedback.

Good luck.

Are you worried that the blurb or the book is offensive to some?

If it's the blurb: post your blurb for critique in the blurb crit section, with a note in the post title that it contains profanity. Ex: Blurb help (warning: profanity) or something like that.

If you're worried about the manuscript itself having objectionable content, just make sure you mention that in your beta request. Yes, you absolutely may still request betas. Post in the "Authors seeking Betas" folder. In the post itself, tell a little about the novel, and warn that it has profanity/violence and whatnot. That way, no one will be taken by surprise and you'll get feedback from people who don't mind reading the kind of novel you have written.

Good luck!

I'm not sure how to blurb this, but I think I'd just cut the 2 large paragraphs.

And in the first part, I'd combine the two sentences for each character.

"A tough girl scared of love dances to escape." etc.

Seems like the first two paras should be tied together somehow. And it's better, for sure, but I'm still not sure what she wants revenge for/against?

The men who kidnapped her? Her village for lying to her? That sentence after the :revenge could be changed to something more hard-hitting and precise to your story. What makes this one so unique? Shock me or intrigue me!

I'd agree about cutting the first 2 sentences. From there, it's good down to the ":revenge."

Now I need to know why she wants revenge, and revenge for what?

The paragraph following is riddled with cliches and also vague. It actually doesn't tell anything about the story. It could be on just about half the books out there. So I'd do away with that and get into specifics about your story, esp the revenge, if that's the driving force of your plot.

Hope that helps.

One of the strongest blurbs I've seen on here. I think you've really nailed it. It's clear, concise, and intriguing. Besides little nit picks, I think it's great!

Edit: My little nit pick is the last clause, which I think could add more oomph. It seems to lose a little punch and could be more active and direct. "might have to chose between" is a bit wordy and weak for this exciting blurb. And really, that's a pretty clear choice--work with someone or die? Since I don't know any reason that they wouldn't want to work together (besides the fact that they are competition), it's clear to me that they will work together. So maybe highlight their hatred for each other, or just go ahead and say they have to work together to avoid the gallows.

This is really strong, though! It's just that very last clause could add the clincher that would get people from the "want to read" to the "NEED to read" category.

What everyone else said. I've had betas disappear, but I'd much rather hear that they didn't read it and why than not hear back at all!

I think the line about it proving fatal sounds a bit too much, but overall, it's not bad. I'd also cut the bio paragraph, since that doesn't matter unless you've been published. That's for your author bio on Amazon, Goodreads, etc, but an agent probably doesn't need all that until she signs you and wants to send it to a publisher.

The second one is MUCH better. If you're not already familiar, I'd also recommend AbsoluteWrite's forums, where a lot of knowledgeable and published authors can give you advice.

I'd put in the revenge goal first thing. Like, after the first sentence. Otherwise, it seems like a lot of backstory leading up to the last paragraph, where the action really starts, but it's too vague to tell! Lol...

If you start off with the parents dying, and then her goal for revenge, the rest makes more sense. There's a lot of resources out there that give a query "formula." The basics: introduce character, goal, what she stands to lose, her obstacle.

Hope that helps!

If you don't have a bio, leave it off. It should be fine. Also, queries should be in present tense.

On to specifics:

It's pretty solid, imo, until the last paragraph. That one totally lost me. It seemed learning to fight was her goal in the sentence before this. Speaking of, I'm not exactly sure what her goal is to begin with. The rest of the paragraph is very vague and a bit generic. I'd either leave it off or make it more specific.

Hope that helps!

You might also want to edit for grammar. If I read this blurb on Amazon, I'd be scared away by the thought that the book's grammar would be similar.