Kenzi’s Comments (group member since Aug 13, 2014)

Kenzi’s comments from the Beta Reader Group group.

Hello! Seeking critique swaps on the full novel for my complete MG fantasy. I'm happy to read any Middle Grade, or any fantasy under 100k.

12-year-old Ren tells herself she’s fine being a loner. Then a dragon named Nym rolls into town and announces that yes, dragons are real, and he’s chosen Ren as his rider. Ren can’t imagine why Nym chose her of all people. Still, she ditches Earth and jumps through the portal to the Dragonrider Academy. It sounds way more fun than middle school.

But before Ren can even enroll, she defends Nym from dragon bullies. Her reward: being flung over the edge of the floating Academy alongside Nym, who can barely fly. On their journey back to civilization, Ren gets to know her dragon pretty quickly. Nym doesn’t believe dogs are real. He claims he invented pizza. In short, he’s a dingus. Ren kinda wants to give up on becoming a dragonrider and just go home… assuming she survives the oceans of sand and illusory crystal forests standing in her way.

But Nym thinks Ren is super cool and talented (her drawing of a dog almost convinces him they’re real). Most importantly, he loves listening to Ren ramble about her favorite anime. Yeah, he’s kind of a loser, but so is she. Maybe being losers together wouldn’t be so bad. Getting back to the Academy is hard enough. For Ren to become a dragonrider, she’ll have to do something even harder: admit to herself that she’s not fine being a loner—and choose to embrace the strange new experience of friendship.

Please comment, DM, or email me if interested! kenzibirds@gmail.com

Hello! Seeking beta readers for my complete MG fantasy novel:

12-year-old Ren tells herself she’s fine being a loner. Then a dragon named Nym rolls into town and announces that yes, dragons are real, and he’s chosen Ren as his rider. Ren can’t imagine why Nym chose her of all people. Still, she ditches Earth and jumps through the portal to the Dragonrider Academy. It sounds way more fun than middle school.

But before Ren can even enroll, she defends Nym from dragon bullies. Her reward: being flung over the edge of the floating Academy alongside Nym, who can barely fly. On their journey back to civilization, Ren gets to know her dragon pretty quickly. Nym doesn’t believe dogs are real. He claims he invented pizza. In short, he’s a dingus. Ren kinda wants to give up on becoming a dragonrider and just go home… assuming she survives the oceans of sand and illusory crystal forests standing in her way.

But Nym thinks Ren is super cool and talented (her drawing of a dog almost convinces him they’re real). Most importantly, he loves listening to Ren ramble about her favorite anime. Yeah, he’s kind of a loser, but so is she. Maybe being losers together wouldn’t be so bad. Getting back to the Academy is hard enough. For Ren to become a dragonrider, she’ll have to do something even harder: admit to herself that she’s not fine being a loner—and choose to embrace the strange new experience of friendship.

Please comment, DM, or email me if interested! kenzibirds@gmail.com

M. wrote: "are you accepting new authors?"

not at the moment I'm afraid-- I never got to finish reading everything I was sent way back when, and I didn't honestly expect to keep getting requests after all this time. I've amended the title of the thread to be more clear.

I'd prefer to read relatively shorter things at this point-- under 100k. Anything too long I run the risk of not finishing. (maybe I'll work my way up to epic tomes eventually...!)
If you'd like a better idea of the sort of genres I'm familiar with, skimming my bookshelves might be useful in helping you determine whether I'd be a good beta reader for you.

I'm looking to offer sort of general opinions, not so much detailed editing. I can try to be more specific if you want.
As a reviewer I'm sorta blunt, but I can try to soften my words if you're a bit sensitive (ayy I know how it feels, no worries).

To contact me, PM or post here and I'll try to get back to you asap.

Hello, gonna take a crack at this-- sorry it ended up a bit long, I found I had a lot to say.
First thing I notice, there are a lot of names given in a short span. It may be partly because I'm not familiar with Indian names (I think that's what they are?) so they're harder for me to remember, but it's a tad hard for me to keep track of who all the characters are. Perhaps consider shortening the list of mentioned characters?
Second thing: the first sentence in the second paragraph ("the challenging high etc....") is kind of a run-on sentence that's a bit tough to follow. I really can't see how to make it neater without changing it drastically though, sorry. But even if you change nothing else, you use commas between clauses and then a semicolon. You should be using semicolons instead of commas the whole time to be consistent.
Third, at the end of the blurb I still don't really know what the plot is about. I think it doesn't help that the wording is pretty vague in places. Examples:
"all seem to have some strange connection..." This doesn't really provide useful information and is just vague enough that I don't really feel curious about what this strange connection is. Perhaps give a hint about the plot--what is the first clue that they have a strange connection? If there's a mystery there, you gotta give us something to hook us into the mystery.
"...would have their karmic impact on several lives from the two eras..." This sentence is sorta passive and I don't know whose lives are impacted, or how they are impacted, or why, or when these two eras are. Providing just a tad more concrete information would make this karmic impact seem more important because right now I don't know enough about the situation to care about it.
"...make one lose hope of possible redemption." Who is "one?" The reader? It's not clear. And who needs to be redeemed? And what for? This statement becomes sort of meaningless because I do not know what it is referring to.
And especially the last sentence: "Strange turn of events, mysterious acts of destiny make Ravi, Lata, Swami Raghunath and Risha wonder what lies ahead!"
First the grammar is a bit iffy. You might want it to read "Strange turns of events and mysterious acts etc..." which sounds better from a grammatical standpoint. I also don't recommend using an exclamation mark anywhere in a blurb. It would sound much more professional ending that statement with a simple period. And again I had to refer back to earlier in the blurb to remember who all these characters were.
I think it would be a useful exercise to sit down and write the most bland, straightforward description of the plot you can. Try incorportating elements of this description in your blurb, just enough so that people reading it have an idea of a few things—who the major players are, what the source of conflict is, and how these characters are related to the conflict. Because right now I'm not seeing any sort of central conflict that ties all the characters together and I don't know what problems they are going to have to tackle over the course of the story.
OK, that's it. Sorry that was so long. I hope this feedback helps, sorry if it sounded harsh, and good luck with your story!

This sounds interesting! I'd be down to beta this for you for you need another volunteer. I haven't beta-read before but I'm willing to give it my best shot if you'd like. (I've found myself with a lot of free time lately...) I think of myself as a pretty nit-picky and fairly blunt reviewer. Hit me up if you'd like to let me take a look!