“I realised something else at that point, I used smokes to avoid talking about emotional things, “Just nipping for a smoke” when someone started talking about something I didn't want to talk about. “Just off for a fag, back in a minute” when someone came in that I didn't like. I was using it as a crutch to get out of speaking my mind and I'd never been shy of speaking my mind. What else had I used smoking to cover up? I realised in that moment that smoking was not my friend, it was my enemy disguised as my friend. It was the ultimate head fuck. It made me feel great whilst it was screwing me but it was screwing me.”