“Once you’re on equal footing, it’s important to listen to and consider the other person’s point of view. Research shows that we often exaggerate how extreme our opponents are.

“Somebody says something and we all of a sudden create this whole construct about who they are as a person and what type of intention they have, and then we proceed as if that’s true,” said Julia Minson, an associate professor at Harvard Kennedy School. “That automatically sets up the adversarial environment in which someone has to lose.” She explains that it’s important to learn more about the other person’s actual intent, rather than filing it in with your own assumptions.”