“I've wanted Rudy to understand me. He's the closest I've had to someone who does. But when I consider the reverse -- am I that person to him? Does he want to be understood? -- I see how stupid the wish is. That's what is wrong: it's a wish. A desire for something to happen. The entirety of the phrase floats off. Yearning for Rudy to see the cause, the explanation of my life. It's cruel to want someone to see everything about you because you can't imagine yourself as real.”