“Most of the time I was in a stupor, and on the rare occasions my head cleared, I felt like I was a fire that burned my mind for fuel. I was angry at everything in the world, including myself. When the anger subsided, my body and mind would crumble into ashes. I went through this process again and again. They say nineteen, twenty, twenty-one are beautiful years. All I remember about those years is wishing day after day to die.”