“Don't ever, ever check Facebook when you're:

A. Depressed.
B. Drinking.
C. Depressed and drinking.
D. Unemployed.
E. Struggling with being blessed with singleness while some of your friends seem to be blessed with a Brad Pitt lookalike and that blazing white picket fence shining with the glory of the American Dream on steroids.
OR -- F. Anytime after 9:12pm.”