“Why do you keep looking at your phone?” I ask him. “Shit, is there more bad press? Am I now up for grabs for both sexes?”

“I’d do you,” Rolondo puts in with a grin.

“You’re too high-maintenance for me.”

“This is true.” ‘Londo nods and looks me over. “I’d most definitely make you shave that beard. I’m not into bears.”

I shrug. “We were never meant to be.”

Johnson rolls his eyes. “I don’t care if I sound like a dick. This whole exchange is bizarre.”

“You always sound like a dick,” Rolondo says. “So we’re used to it.”

He ducks a chunk of bread Johnson pings at him. An older couple across the way turns to stare.

“Ladies,” I say mildly, “mind your manners. This isn’t the college bar.”