“Here is a brief test to help you determine whether the story you have been telling to yourself and others is a grievance story.
1. Have you told your story more than twice to the same person?
2. Do you replay the events that happened more than two times in a day in your mind?
3. Do you find yourself speaking to the person who hurt you even when that person is not there?
4. Have you made a commitment to yourself to tell the story without upset and then found yourself unexpectedly agitated?
5. is the person who hurt you the central character of your story?
6. When you tell this story, does it remind you of other painful things that have happened to your?
7. Does your story focus primarily on your pain and what you have lost?
8. in your story is there a villain?
9. Have you made a commitment to yourself to not tell your story and and then broken you vow?
10. Do you look for other people with similar problems to tell you story to?
11. Has your story stared the same over time?
12. Have you checked the details of your story for accuracy?”