“When there are things about yourself you can’t change—no matter how much you might want to and no matter how hard you try—it sort of throws your ideas about free will and agency into chaos. Not being able to control oneself is a far different experience than bumping up against outside obstacles that aren’t in one’s power to change. But our own thoughts, our feelings, our actions—those are the things that make up our internal existence and fundamentally define who we are. If we can’t control what makes us us, what hope is there for finding agency anywhere else in our lives”