Joshua Townsend > Joshua's Quotes

“In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.”
― Benjamin Franklin

“A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.”
― Winston Churchill

“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
― W.C. Fields

“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

[misquote of a letter about wine, see quotes/831031]”
― Benjamin Franklin

“Death: "THERE ARE BETTER THINGS IN THE WORLD THAN ALCOHOL, ALBERT."
Albert: "Oh, yes, sir. But alcohol sort of compensates for not getting them.”
― Terry Pratchett

“Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”
― Frank Sinatra

“I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.”
― W. C. Fields

“Something else is hurting you—that’s why you need pot or whiskey, or whips and rubber suits, or screaming music turned so fucking loud you can’t think.”
― Charles Bukowski, Tales of Ordinary Madness

“To ask them to legalize pot is something like asking them to put butter on the handcuffs before they place them on you: something else is hurting you—that's why you need pot, or whiskey, or whips and rubber suits, or screaming music turned so fucking loud you can't think. Or madhouses or mechanical cunts or 162 baseball games in a season. Or Vietnam or Israel or the fear of spiders.”
― Charles Bukowski, Tales of Ordinary Madness

“I love songs about horses, railroads, land, Judgment Day, family, hard times, whiskey, courtship, marriage, adultery, separation, murder, war, prison, rambling, damnation, home, salvation, death, pride, humor, piety, rebellion, patriotism, larceny, determination, tragedy, rowdiness, heartbreak and love. And Mother. And God.”
― Johnny Cash

“Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore, always carry a small snake.”
― W.C. Fields, W.C. Fields by Himself

“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.”
― Charles Bukowski

“Do you hate people?”

“I don't hate them...I just feel better when they're not around.”
― Charles Bukowski, Barfly

“He had a habit of remarking to bartenders that he didn't see any sense in mixing whiskey with water since the whiskey was already wet.”
― Joseph Mitchell

“Black coffee’s a lot like whiskey, you know? All devil and no trimmin’s. Always liked my sins pure and take it as it comes.”
― Jack Ketchum

“Whisky is liquid sunshine.”
― George Bernard Shaw