Andrew Siegel > Andrew's Quotes

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#1

“Perfectionism is the unparalleled defense for emotionally abandoned children. The existential unattainability of perfection saves the child from giving up, unless or until, scant success forces him to retreat into the depression of a dissociative disorder, or launches him hyperactively into an incipient conduct disorder. Perfectionism also provides a sense of meaning and direction for the powerless and unsupported child. In the guise of self-control, striving to be perfect offers a simulacrum of a sense of control. Self-control is also safer to pursue because abandoning parents typically reserve their severest punishment for children who are vocal about their negligence.”
― Pete Walker

tags: abandonment, abusive-parents, child-abuse, child-neglect, conduct-disorder, defense-mechanism, dissociation, dissociative-disorder, dissociative-identity-disorder, emotional-abuse, emotionally-unavailable, mental-health, mental-illness, perfectionism, powerlessness, psychological-abuse, punishment, self-control, survivors, survivors-of-abuse

173 likes

#2

“There is stability in self-destruction, in prolonging sadness as a means of escaping abstractions like happiness. Rock bottom is a surprisingly comfortable place to lay your head. Looking up from the depths of another low often seems a lot safer than wondering when you'll fall again. Falling feels awful.

I'd rather fucking fly.”
― Kris Kidd

tags: depression, mental-illness, self-destruction, self-sabotage

40 likes

#3

“I keep moving ahead, as always, knowing deep down inside that I am a good person and that I am worthy of a good life.”
― Jonathan Harnisch

tags: depression, depression-quotes, depression-recovery, fighting-mad, mental-health, mental-health-quotes, mental-health-stigma, mental-illness, mental-illness-stigma, optimism, optimism-quotes, optimist, optimistic, optimistic-quotes, ptsd, ptsd-quotes, recovery, schizophrenia

40 likes

#4

“Over the lives borne from under the shadow of death there seems to fall the shadow of madness.”
― Joseph Conrad, Lord Jim

tags: atheism, blame, desperate, enemies, friends, guilt, hate, immortality, lifeboat, loneliness, love, mental-illness, mortality, society, stranded

18 likes

#5

“Profound melancholia is a day-in, day-out, night-in, night-out, almost arterial level of agony.”
― Kay Redfield Jamison, An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness

tags: depression, melancholia, mental-illness

8 likes

#6

“The 16 characteristics of psychopaths:

1. Intelligent
2. Rational
3. Calm
4. Unreliable
5. Insincere
6. Without shame or remorse
7. Having poor judgment
8. Without capacity for love
9. Unemotional
10. Poor insight
11. Indifferent to the trust or kindness of others
12. Overreactive to alcohol
13. Suicidal
14. Impersonal sex life
15. Lacking long-term goals
16. Inadequately motivated antisocial behavior”
― Hervey M. Cleckley, The Mask of Sanity

tags: mental-illness, psychiatric-criteria, psychiatry, psychopath, psychopathic-personalities, psychopathology, the-mask-of-sanity

14 likes

#7

“Certainly the most destructive vice if you like, that a person can have. More than pride, which is supposedly the number one of the cardinal sins - is self pity. Self pity is the worst possible emotion anyone can have. And the most destructive. It is, to slightly paraphrase what Wilde said about hatred, and I think actually hatred's a subset of self pity and not the other way around - ' It destroys everything around it, except itself '.

Self pity will destroy relationships, it'll destroy anything that's good, it will fulfill all the prophecies it makes and leave only itself. And it's so simple to imagine that one is hard done by, and that things are unfair, and that one is underappreciated, and that if only one had had a chance at this, only one had had a chance at that, things would have gone better, you would be happier if only this, that one is unlucky. All those things. And some of them may well even be true. But, to pity oneself as a result of them is to do oneself an enormous disservice.

I think it's one of things we find unattractive about the american culture, a culture which I find mostly, extremely attractive, and I like americans and I love being in america. But, just occasionally there will be some example of the absolutely ravening self pity that they are capable of, and you see it in their talk shows. It's an appalling spectacle, and it's so self destructive. I almost once wanted to publish a self help book saying 'How To Be Happy by Stephen Fry : Guaranteed success'. And people buy this huge book and it's all blank pages, and the first page would just say - ' Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself - And you will be happy '. Use the rest of the book to write down your interesting thoughts and drawings, and that's what the book would be, and it would be true. And it sounds like 'Oh that's so simple', because it's not simple to stop feeling sorry for yourself, it's bloody hard. Because we do feel sorry for ourselves, it's what Genesis is all about.”
― Stephen Fry

tags: americans, depression, depression-humor, happiness, marriage-advice, morality, narcissism, oscar-wilde, pride, relationships, self-help, self-improvement, self-pity, sin, sins, the-key-to-happiness, vice

704 likes

#8

“The main condition for the achievement of love is the overcoming of one's narcissism. The narcissistic orientation is one in which one experiences as real only that which exists within oneself, while the phenomena in the outside world have no reality in themselves, but are experienced only from the viewpoint of their being useful or dangerous to one. The opposite pole to narcissism is objectivity; it is the faculty to see other people and things as they are, objectively, and to be able to separate this objective picture from a picture which is formed by one's desires and fears.”
― Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving

tags: empathy, humility, love, narcissism, narcissistic, objective, objectivity, psychology, selfishness, subjective, understanding, understanding-oneself-and-others

457 likes

#9

“The faculty to think objectively is reason; the emotional attitude behind reason is that of humility. To be objective, to use one's reason, is possible only if one has achieved an attitude of humility, if one has emerged from the dreams of omniscience and omnipotence which one has as a child. Love, being dependent on the relative absence of narcissism, requires the developement of humility, objectivity and reason.

I must try to see the difference between my picture of a person and his behavior, as it is narcissistically distorted, and the person's reality as it exists regardless of my interests, needs and fears.”
― Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving

tags: compassion, conflict, empathy, erich-fromm, humility, love, narcissism, objective, objectivity, reason, reasoning, selfishness, subjective, the-art-of-loving, understanding

219 likes

#10

“Hate is the complement of fear and narcissists like being feared. It imbues them with an intoxicating sensation of omnipotence.”
― Sam Vaknin, Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited

114 likes

#11

“The sadistic narcissist perceives himself as Godlike, ruthless and devoid of scruples, capricious and unfathomable, emotion-less and non-sexual, omniscient, omnipotent and omni-present, a plague, a devastation, an inescapable verdict.”
― Sam Vaknin

96 likes

#12

“When the healthy pursuit of self-interest and self-realization turns into self-absorption, other people can lose their intrinsic value in our eyes and become mere means to the fulfillment of our needs and desires.”
― P.M. Forni, The Civility Solution: What to Do When People Are Rude

tags: civility, narcissism, rudeness

59 likes

#13

“Confidence is the prize given to the mediocre”
― Robert Hughes

tags: american-idol-audition, confidence, dunning-kruger-effect, kanye-west, mediocre-minds, mediocre-people, mediocrity, narcissism, self-esteem-movement

70 likes

#14

“He's satisfied with himself. If you have a soul you can't be satisfied.”
― Graham Greene, Doctor Fischer of Geneva or The Bomb Party

tags: doctor-fischer-of-geneva, graham-greene, narcissism, soul

42 likes

#15

“Imagining that you are deep and complex, but others are simple, is one of the primary signs of malignant selfishness.”
― Stefan Molyneux

tags: abuse, borderline, bpd, narcissism, personality-disorders, philosophy, psychology

51 likes

#16

“Narcissists are consumed with maintaining a shallow false self to others. They're emotionally crippled souls that are addicted to attention. Because of this they use a multitude of games, in order to receive adoration. Sadly, they are the most ungodly of God's creations because they don't show remorse for their actions, take steps to make amends or have empathy for others. They are morally bankrupt.”
― Shannon L. Alder

tags: adoration, assholes, attention, attention-seekers, cruel-men, cruelty, dancing-with-the-devil, fake, fake-men, gaslighting, liars, losers, manipulators, narcissism, narcissists, ungodly, ungodly-men

101 likes

#17

“Often the narcissist believes that other people are "faking it", leveraging emotional displays to achieve a goal. He is convinced that their ostensible "feelings" are grounded in ulterior, non-emotional motives. Faced with other people's genuine emotions, the narcissist becomes suspicious and embarrassed. He feels compelled to avoid emotion-tinged situations, or worse, experiences surges of almost uncontrollable aggression in the presence of expressed sentiments. They remind him how imperfect he is and how poorly equipped.”
― Sam Vaknin, Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited

tags: narcissism, narcissists

54 likes

#18

“Realize that narcissists have an addiction disorder. They are strongly addicted to feeling significant. Like any addict they will do whatever it takes to get this feeling often. That is why they are manipulative and future fakers. They promise change, but can't deliver if it interferes with their addiction. That is why they secure back up supply.”
― Shannon L. Alder

tags: addict, disordered-thinking, narcissism, narcissistic-abuse, narcissistic-love, targets

46 likes

#19

“I am in love with you', I responded.
He laughed the most beguiling and gentle laugh.
'Of course you are,' he replied. 'I understand perfectly because I'm in love with myself. The fact that I'm not transfixed in front of the nearest mirror takes a great deal of self-control.'
It was my turn to laugh.”
― Anne Rice, Blackwood Farm

86 likes

#20

“Narcissistic personality disorder is named for Narcissus, from Greek mythology, who fell in love with his own reflection. Freud used the term to describe persons who were self-absorbed, and psychoanalysts have focused on the narcissist's need to bolster his or her self-esteem through grandiose fantasy, exaggerated ambition, exhibitionism, and feelings of entitlement.”
― Donald W. Black, DSM-5 Guidebook: The Essential Companion to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders

tags: entitlement, fantasy, grandiose, greek-mythology, mythology, narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic, narcissus, personality-disorder, self-absorbed

54 likes

#21

“God judges men from the inside out; men judge men from the outside in. Perhaps to God, an extreme mental patient is doing quite well in going a month without murder, for he fought his chemical imbalance and succeeded; oppositely, perhaps the healthy, able and stable man who has never murdered in his life yet went a lifetime consciously, willingly never loving anyone but himself may then be subject to harsher judgment than the extreme mental patient. It might be so that God will stand for the weak and question the strong.”
― Criss Jami, Healology

tags: apologetics, arrogance, asylum, awareness, brain, chemical-imbalance, cognition, confession, crazy, crime, discernment, ego, evil, forgiveness, god, good, good-and-evil, grace, guilt, health, healthy, heart, humility, hypocrisy, ill, immorality, insane, instability, judgment, law, liability, love, lovelessness, mental-patient, mentally-ill, mercy, mind, morality, murder, narcissism, pharisee, philosophy, pride, psycho, psychology, psychopath, punishment, repentance, resistance, righteous, sane, self-righteous, self-worship, selfishness, sickness, sin, soul, stability, strength, temptation, theology, weakness, wisdom

51 likes

#22

“pathological narcissists can lose touch with reality in subtle ways that become extremely dangerous over time. When they can’t let go of their need to be admired or recognized, they have to bend or invent a reality in which they remain special despite all messages to the contrary.”
― Bandy X Lee, The Dangerous Case of Donald Trump: 27 Psychiatrists and Mental Health Experts Assess a President

tags: narcissism, narcissism-quotes, narcissistic-personality, narcissists

24 likes

#23

“Mourning. At the death of the loved being, acute phase of narcissism: one emerges from sickness, from servitude. Then, gradually, freedom takes on a leaden hue, desolation settles in, narcissism gives way to a sad egoism, an absence of generosity.”
― Roland Barthes, Mourning Diary: October 26, 1977–September 15, 1979

tags: egoism, grief, isolation, loss, mourning, narcissism

9 likes

#24

“I spend my life constantly calling in ‘imaginary’ debts that aren’t owed to me in order to avoid the ‘real’ debts that I owe to others, and so everybody ends up bankrupt.”
― Craig D. Lounsbrough

tags: bankrupt, bankruptcy, blind, blindness, debt, demand, demanding, denial, ego, egocentric, entitlement, imaginary, imagine, narcissism, narcissistic, owe, owed, real, selfish, selfishness

9 likes

#25

“People with NPD have a strong need, in every area of their life, to be treated as if they’re special. To those with NPD, other people are simply mirrors, useful only insofar as they reflect back the special view of themselves they so desperately long to see. If that means making others look bad by comparison—say, by ruining their reputation at work—so be it. Because life is a constant competition, they’re also usually riddled with envy over what other people seem to have. And they’ll let you know”
― Bandy X Lee, The Dangerous Case of Donald Trump: 27 Psychiatrists and Mental Health Experts Assess a President

tags: narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic-personality, sense-of-entitlement

11 likes

#26

“Imagine the infant who one day cries and gets fed, and the next day cries and goes hungry. One day smiles and is kissed and hugged. The next day smiles and is ignored. This is what psychologists called 'preoccupied or unresolved attachment' with the primary caregiver--usually the mother. There was love one minute and disdain the next. Affection that was given in abundance for no reason and then taken away without cause. The child has no ability to predict or influence the behavior of the parent. The narcissist loves a child only as an extension of herself at first, and then as a loyal subject. So she will tend to the child only when it makes her feel good.”
― Wendy Walker, Emma in the Night

tags: child-abuse, emotional-abuse, narcissism, narcissist, trauma

26 likes

#27

“We have to take a stand against deception, take action against all lying, and together, as a society, using awareness, discernment, and understanding, empower ourselves to call bullshit against bullshit!”
― Elevia DeNobelia - Syl Sabastian

tags: anti-bullshit, bmn, buldhit-manipulator-narcissist, emotional-abuse, narcissism, out-bs, psychological-abuse

2 likes

#28

“The emotionally cold or distant trait also rears its head during arguments when one person is experiencing and expressing significant emotion and the narcissistic person just checks out and does not respond—or does so in a cold and clipped manner. At such times you may find yourself spinning—and actually feeling as though you are “going crazy”—because the coldness of the response makes it even more difficult to regulate yourself in that moment. The emotional coldness can be confusing for you and may result in attempts to jump through hoops to generate warmth and connection with your partner. I have observed people wearing themselves out over decades, trying to create a fire where there was no possibility.”
― Ramani Durvasula, Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist

tags: narcissism

13 likes

#29

“The constant, obvious flattery, contrary to all evidence, of the people around him [Tsar Nicholas I] had brought him to the point that he no longer saw his contradictions, no longer conformed his actions and words to reality, logic, or even simple common sense, but was fully convinced that all his orders, however senseless, unjust, and inconsistent with each other, became sensible, just, and consistent with each other only because he gave them.”
― Leo Tolstoy, Hadji Murád

tags: inconsistency, narcissism, self-delusion

11 likes

#30

“The emptiness of the narcissist often means that they are only focused on whatever is useful or interesting to them at the moment. If at that moment it is interesting for them to tell you they love you, they do. It’s not really a long game to them, and when the next interesting issue comes up, they attend to that. The objectification of others—viewing other people as objects useful to his needs—can also play a role. When you are the only thing in the room, or the most interesting thing in the room, then the narcissist’s charisma and charm can leave you convinced that you are his everything. The problem is that this is typically superficial regard, and that superficiality results in inconsistency, and emotions for the narcissistic person range from intense to detached on a regular basis. This vacillation between intensity and detachment can be observed in the narcissist’s relationships with people (acquaintances, friends, family, and partners), work, and experiences. A healthy relationship should feel like a safe harbor in your life. Life throws us enough curve balls in the shape of money problems, work issues, medical issues, household issues, and even the weather. Sadly, a relationship with a narcissist can be one more source of chaos in your life, rather than a place of comfort and consistency.”
― Ramani Durvasula, Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist

tags: narcissism

26 likes

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