Writing Help-Group For Everyone discussion

My hadns were shakeing, makeing it hard to steady the stick and look tough. It was hard when faced with four big, ugly brutes. OK, fine, they weren't big, or particularly ugly. In fact, they were on the more handsome and cute side. And only two out of the four were tall, the other two were average...still taller then me (im petite, 5'3 or soemthing like that) . They didn't even look like brutes. But, hey! It was dark, almost 10pm and they'd just apeared from a side ally in front of me and they wouldn't budge! They kept glareing at me like i murdered their cat or something. To add to all of that, i had no idea where i had gotten the stick from! It wasn't evem a metre long and abit on the thin side. I still felt better then if i'd had nothing at all.
"Scuse me, mind letting me past?" i requested politely, being squashed between a wall and a house and all.
One of the guys openned his palm to reveal a flame, smoke curleing up and disapearing in the almost darkness. The cresent moon's light dimly shone on the pavement while the lamp post flickered, as if it was arrosed or something. I rolled my eyes nad started backing away but in seconds flat one of tghe other guys had spun in mid air over her head and landed behinde me. A warning bell rang in my mind adn a thought jmped into th eforefront of my mind, wrecking havoc in my mind: Rapist!. Thats what i get for wanting to take a short cut!
"What do you want?!" I demanded, hateing myself for sounding scared. No reply, just a gleam in the fire dude's golden eyes. Sheash, what a weirdo!
"You mute or something?" i guessed. I spelled hello in sing language, haveing learnt the alphabet in primary.
The tallest guy laughed and shook his head but dind't answer. What to do? surrounded and, i could even say cornered, with no way out, how do all those heroines from the books escape situations like these? A handsome boy comeing to her rescue? Bringing out her kick-ass martial art skills? Saying some witty comment and sending them running? Suddenly discovering that i had magical powers??!?! who would've guessed that i'd of guessed it right? To get back on track, the heroine of the story punched one of the guys in the eye and made a dareing escape!!!!
Jokes, nope, thats not what happened....what really happened was me makeing a dash for it between the legs of the guy bheind me, only to be grabbed by the collor and almost bgetting choked. Sheash, i was getting sick of this. I mummbled to myself 'hocus pocus!' and, surprisingly, my whole body ignited, burning the boy who had my collar, giveing me my chance of escape, (and aparently forgetting the fact that i was on fire)....and nope, it started rainning, takeuing out the fire that surrounded me, surprisingly, i didn't get burnt, like, at all! I kept on running full sprint but, obviously, i can't outrun 4 very fit young men. However, they weren't the ones that had stopped me int my t racks. A boy, around my age, 15, jumped down from the roof of the nearest building adn landed in a crouch in front of me. He slowly rose, with the elegance of a cat. When he was at his full height he towered over me by two heads. He stared iinto my eyes with his dark, deep eyes that were like black holes; dark, mysetrious, hideing many things , alwayas absorbing thingsyet letting notheing out. I was mesmerzed nad frozen to teh spot. Way to go! I told myself sarcasticly. Yet his gaze seemed to pull me in. Behind me i could hear the other four catching up. The dark boy in front of me, who wore black levis, a black jumper over a black, plain shirt. He had black hair almost fully hidden under the jumper's hoodie. I could feel teh tention in the air. The rain started pouring in the bukets and i was soon drenched to a point beyong getting wetter. I could barely see the dark boy glareing at the boys behind me. I turned around to see teh four boys glareng back at dark boy. Since i didn't have names for them i decided to give them nicknames; dark boy was darky (hardly a nickname), the guy with th fire, fire, the guy who had jumped over me grey sinc ethat was the colour of his eyes, the tallest boy tallie, and the last one dude, since i couldn't come up with decent nicknames at the present time. Speaking of which;
Darky was the first to break the silence that was dence with rain and tension...or was that pure hatred?
"What are you four doiing here?" He demanded
"What deos it look like? investigateing this girl before you cna get your hands on another one! We can't have two corrupt girls in on e place ya know!" fire said with dissdane. I could almost feel darky roll his eyes.
"Hey, like you wouldn't do teh same!"
"Um...hello? lets not forget that this girl is standing right here!" I exclaimed. Obviously they ignored me.
"We only want whats best for her!" Tallie said calmly.
"And i only want whats best for our operation!" Darky replyed, no emotion in his voice.
"Yeah, you mean the 'i want to destory the world' operation?" Fire demanded.
"You could put it that way, but this isn't a fantasy novel! And our plans are ours adn none of your business!"
"It is if you keep on kidnapping elementals!" 'Dude' spoke for the first time.
'what a headache!!!' i thought, rubbing my temples. If all this fussing was about me, why were they completly ignoreing her?!
"Whatever, just back off! I saw what she did back there! She is a fire elemental! We need her!" Darky took a step closer to her and gripped her shoulder.... hard. I slapped his hadn and tried to free herself from his deathly grip, but he a cted as if I was merely an annoying fly...in otherwords... he completely ignored me!
"How about this; you and i fight, winner gets the girl!" Fire declared. I moaned silently. Was i some kind of meat needed to be fought over my lions?!
Darky nodded his head sharply and pushed her aside.
"Stay!" He ordered, as if i was a dog. But for some reason, i couldn't move. i was covered in shadows. It felt like the shadows were chains, holdeing me down.
Darky got into a balacned postition, shortly followed by fire.
"They don't interfeare!" Darky added. Fire nodded and the fight commenced.



tw, sorry for al the lower cases. i only have an excuse for the I though: i kept on write "she" instead of "i" 'cause im not used to first person, and i kept on changeing it to "i" and not bohering with caps.


btw, ive never written anything like this (only about elementals and darky <3 ) but not in this......stylle...if you know what i mean.

It's cool. :D

But you start to confuse people when you mix "she" and "I" in the same sentence, or In different sentences one after the other. It's like suggesting there's another girl?

no!!! its just...teh challenge was to write it in first person but i kept on accidently driffting to third person.... im not used to first

Oh, that explains it. Sorry. :D

XD

Any more? ^_£

yes. in exams after i finished with 20ish minutes to spare i cam eup with an idea. this is a gnre and theme that i have never explored before. Tell mne how this sounds k??!:


Being a pirate is tough. Its not only about sailing across the sea while drinking beer. There is also work to be done. Life-risking work. Its especially hard for me to battle soilders, steal tresures and capturing maidens. Not because i'm only 17, but because I'm dead




how that sound???

*Already sitting on floor cross legged listening entranced*

Tell us more, Sensei!!

(XD)

XD

XD im figueing that its about a boy who died on the pirate ship and is forever bound to the ship (his sole/spirit/soul) until he takes revenge on those who killed him which is kinda hard since he is DEAD. And also sirens and mythical spirt beings attack him on the ship. He and the ship's crew's ghosts sail their own version of the ship in the spirit world adn they attack the brittish or w/e ship.... but the spirit ship of the dead soilders. Then, maybe, on one of the ships...in teh real world... there is a girl he falls in love with. She gets captured by the pirates. She finds his rotting body in the bottom of the ship and when she gets rescued by the british or w/e she reports the body....he is like...100000 years old?? (just winging it btw XD) and....the thing is...that she can see ghosts!!!! XD and she sees him adn falls in love with him. (she can also communicate with ghosts) and....she says she'll find a way to bring hikm backk to life long enough at least that he could get revenge. Then at least he'd be able to move on....idk...help???

Hmm. Sounds like a brilliant story plot, even though you wing it, Harry. ;)
How about... Something like they have some sort of...family?

Top of my head, I'm afraid.

Coolkidrox123 ☯ The Shadow ☯ wrote: "My hadns were shakeing, makeing it hard to steady the stick and look tough. It was hard when faced with four big, ugly brutes. OK, fine, they weren't big, or particularly ugly. In fact, they were o..."

Awesome, dude! I thought the plot and idea was brilliant! It kept the readers interested and hooked in result, wanting to read more. Are you planning on writing a book?

I'm sure you'll get used with first person...I'm not used to it either. But work on the spelling. BUt it was awesome anyway.

But*

I highly agree with Althea. It'll go far if it's made into a book!

XD nah, it was a one off thing but i am writting a best seller!! i just love elemental t ype stuff

THANKS THANKS GUYS!!

BAHAHHA this totally cracked me up XD:

They kept glareing at me like i murdered their cat or something.

the lamp post flickered, as if it was arrosed or something.
BAHAH DID I REALLY WRITE THIS!?!?!
XD LOLOLO they should start dateing!! XD BAAHAHAH

XD nopt too get too full of myself but, now that i re-read it, it sounds awesome!!! XD i like it!!! i was trying my hand at a comedy type thingy...kinda failed didn't i -.-'?

It depends on what sort of audience the story gathers, I'd guess..

aha

Keep at it. :)

kk *salutes* thanks

Welcome :)

XD

Keep working on it. good story but a LOT of typing mistakes and misspellings. These detract greatly from the story itself. Also mixing She and I in the same sentence often confuses the reader.

thanks!!! ILL try to find the time to go through it and correct any mistakes. I was just winging it late at night one time for a challenge in anpther group so its not the best

Christina M wrote: "Keep working on it. good story but a LOT of typing mistakes and misspellings. These detract greatly from the story itself. Also mixing She and I in the same sentence often confuses the reader."

Yes, she's going to have to be really thorough with the misspelling and the mix-ups of First and and Second character.

-_- ugh. deos spelling diduct points when you judge?

Yes. Quite a lot, really. If you have horrendous spelling (plus grammar) like that, the reader deems it unprofessional and loses interest halfway through due to the lack of fixing.

:O nuuuu!!!

(-.-;)

Lll

Lol sorry I started to be negative there, too. xD

but...but.....i sucl at grammer and spelling... even tjougj i got a high mark for grammer un NAPLAN .... for spellingni got REALLY low

*pats Coollie on the back* It's okay. High scores for the map and the creativeness, though! ;)

Yauauauauauyayaya .. what map?

wow thing look epic :)

thanks!

Good start, Cooler. But you do want to watch the confusing I's and she's. Also, you must remember that when you are writing something, try not to go at it as though you were talking to someone standing in front of you. We, after all, have no idea what's going on until we've read the tale. :P

XD thanks julie... this was justa random story that i just... charged into. XD I never imagined it'd turn out as anything but mush!

It's definitely no mushy-mush, m'girl! *wraps arm around cool kids shoulders and leads her towards the "All-You-Can-Eat" victory buffet*

I say, old chaps! Let's all have a mightily big feast!!

Today, thee shall be celebrated!!

YAY I LOVE BUFFETS!!!!!! <3 is there steak?!?!?!

JULIUS!! YOU ARE MY SLAVE NOW!!

**Outwards appearance to my family***: Tired
***Actual thing going on in my head***: MWHUHAHAHAHHAHAHA! >:D

@Coolllie: Alll the steak you want!!

YAYYAYAYAUAYYAYAYAYY

XD

Hey! Count me in on that buffet!

Aye!!! All the members be invited!!!

*rips piece of chicken leg off the bone*