Write, Wrote, Written discussion

WHAT THE MIRROR REVEALS

This one gorgeous summer evening, the family sat at the kitchen table to have dinner. The sliding glass door was wide open; the air was filled with the scent of a late summer’s cut grass. The sun hit that point of the day where the rays shined golden, through the screen of the slider.

My brother and sister bickered with their usual nonsense as they shared the bench. My father and mother had been having drinks during the day, and between the two, my father definitely had his share.

They were disagreeing with each other on something with no significance. What else was new? I just focused on the plate in front of me. I was more interested in finishing my supper and taking a walk uptown to the record store.

I had my paper route tips and, of course, I had to go spend it on some cassettes. Any time I had a dollar, I was looking to spend it and my mother would always say, ‘You should save your money. Always spending your money like it’s gonna burn a hole in your pocket.’ Yup. I loved the freedom and the gratification I got from it, not to mention the extensive music library I was building.

“Well, I’m going up to Fine Tunes, be back in a bit.” as I was the first one done eating.

My mother gave me a fairly fed up “Alright.”

I put my dish in the dishwasher, went up to my bedroom and opened my sock drawer. I kept my money in there, inside an empty Bubble Tape bubble gum container. I took the folded up cash and left the change. I hated having change on me. Closed the drawer, down the stairs and out the front door I went.

*****

I had turned the corner and continued walking my street back home with my bag of goodies. I had one of my new cassette tapes in hand. I read the song titles and admired the album cover.

While reading and walking, a faint sound broke my concentration as I was just a handful of houses away from my own.

I stopped in my tracks and being partially deaf in my left ear, I turned my good one toward the direction the sound came from. It sounded like screaming. I bent my eyebrows in confusion. Another blood curdling scream! It came from my house! Without thinking, I had suddenly I found myself running, shaking, with an instant sick-to-my-stomach feeling. The sound was female.

‘My mother?’ I thought.

I cut through the neighbor’s yard. I jumped an old tree stump. My heart raced. The ear piercing screams had gotten louder and more senseless. My surroundings passed by me in flashes. I crossed my yard, up the front step and flung the screen door open so hard, I could have yanked it from its hinges. My eyes scanned the living room in a panic. The yelling was so loud and scary, I tried to keep as calm as possible as I investigated.

The light was on in the first floor bathroom. More screaming. A banging noise. Another bang. I jumped to the stairs to head to my room and just then, I caught a glimpse of the situation through the mirror of that bathroom. I saw my father’s back and was just able to catch a glimpse of my mother’s face, all in the reflection.

“LEAVE ME ALONE! OH MY GOD, YOU’RE HURTING ME! GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF OF ME!” my mother screamed.

I bolted up the sky blue carpeted stairs skipping every other one. I rounded the corner, as I was on the verge of puking, and made a bee line to my clock-radio phone. For the first time in my life, I dialed 911.

This is good, Thom, and has an effective hook. Keep going and when it's all written and well polished you will have something to be proud of.

Renee wrote: "This is good, Thom, and has an effective hook. Keep going and when it's all written and well polished you will have something to be proud of."

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my chapter!

this is really good when you do finish it I would love to read it. keep writing I'm excited to see where this goes.

Monica wrote: "this is really good when you do finish it I would love to read it. keep writing I'm excited to see where this goes."

Thank you for taking the time to check it out! I'm writing the chapters randomly at the moment. Whenever I post another one, though it will be part of the same story, it may not make sense. It may not be a continuation of this one is what I'm getting at, but maybe that will work in a suspenseful way... we shall see

Well written, interesting, and makes me want to keep reading. Keep it up!

Hey Thom, interesting beginning. If you want some constructive criticism - edit out as many 'I(s)' and 'the(s)' as you can - most of them are not needed and can make the reading tedious.

I had my paper route tips and, of course, I had to go spend it on some cassettes.

I had my paper route tips and, of course, had to go spend it on some cassettes.

Ed wrote: "Hey Thom, interesting beginning. If you want some constructive criticism - edit out as many 'I(s)' and 'the(s)' as you can - most of them are not needed and can make the reading tedious.

I had my ..."

Excellent advice, Ed.

Ed wrote: "Hey Thom, interesting beginning. If you want some constructive criticism - edit out as many 'I(s)' and 'the(s)' as you can - most of them are not needed and can make the reading tedious."

Ed, thanks for the info and taking the time out to read my piece. My work is currently in with an editor as I write this.

Theresa wrote: "Well written, interesting, and makes me want to keep reading. Keep it up!"

Thank you Theresa, I will keep it up! I'll be posting another chapter sometime soon.