Write, Wrote, Written discussion

Previously A Tide Rising

Ash Rising

Synopsis:
In the land of Neprenia, magic is tied to the four elements of life: water, fire, air, and earth. But Aurea is a thing of mystery, her magic tied so completely to darkness that no one can guess its source.

Aurea Thornbrow is the Shadowstepper, the only of her kind. She’s also the greatest assassin to set foot out of the Vanishing Academy, and her masters have given her the most important mission of her life: end the reign of the rebel king.

Partnered with the sharp-tongued Guardian Erilsi, Aurea reaches the heart of the rebel kingdom. It's there that she realizes the land of Heathil and its people are not at all what she expected. And King Ueseil, her target, is not the monster she's been led to believe.

This is the story of the black assassin and the land of Neprenia as it builds to war.

Ash Rising Concept Art

This sounds interesting...can't wait to read more!

Thanks. :)
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Chapter 1:
(view spoiler)[“Come in.” The woman who entered was old, her shoulders stooped and her frizzy hair turning white. I didn’t recognize her but that was becoming more and more common; to my chagrin, I’d made a name for myself in Freilla.

“Thank you for seeing me,” the woman said earnestly, taking a seat across from me. A sudden gust blew the shutters open and we were buffeted by winds so hot it was akin to steam.

“What’s your problem? Crops failing?” I eyed her quickly before continuing, “You’re from Renval. You traveled a long way to see me.” Freilla stretched from one coast to another, splitting Mirthbane in half and encompassing a diverse number of villages. Renval was at the base of the eastern mountains and relied on a small river to water their crops.

“Yes, yes. They said you’d see more than most and they were right,” the woman said, admiration in her tone. I nearly rolled my eyes. Most of Freilla disliked people like me even when they needed my assistance but Firdorn had grown used to me. I was tolerated. There were people spread throughout the free lands, though, that admired what I did. They were few in number but apparently one of them had found their way to my house.

“Payment is twenty laai.”

“Oh.” The woman’s face fell and she rummaged through her sack to pull out a coin purse.

“Do you not have it? I’d hate for your long journey to have been a waste.”

“No, no, I can pay it. Here.” She handed me the coins. As she put her purse away I heard no rattling of money within.

“That’s in order. Let’s get started. Hands out.” The woman obeyed and I grasped her palms in my own. Her pads were calloused and there was dirt under her nails that had likely been there for most of her life. The people of Freilla were nothing if not hard workers. They spent all of their time devoted to eeking life out of near-barren lands.

I closed my eyes and focused, reaching into the well of power within and extracting some of the power from the woman. Hers was waning; it had clearly gone unused for some time, maybe her whole life. It was possible she didn’t know she had it. The bias against magic ran deep in Freilla.

I felt her magic slip under the skin of my fingers. It lingered with my own, foreign and strange, but I forced them to meld. Releasing the woman’s hands I kept the power pooled in my hands and turned toward the empty jar I had ready. A small stream of water jetted from the tip of my index finger, then my middle, until the jar was filled. I released the magic and it slipped away into the ether.

“There.” I put a lid on the jar. “Use one drop per plant.” The old lady reached for it but I pulled back, frowning and staring at her. “This magic was done for you and you alone. It will work for your farm but if you water a single crop on someone else’s land with this, the whole field will burn. Do you understand?”

“Y-yes,” she stuttered, her eyes lighting up as I gave her the water. It immediately disappeared into her bag. “Thank you so much. I can’t tell you what this means.” She smiled with such earnest her eyes became black slits and she reached out to take my hand. I stepped back.

“Have a safe journey home,” I said, ushering her to the door. Before I opened it I went to the table and retrieved three of the coins she’d given me. “Take these.”

“Oh, no, keep it. It’s a small price to pay for the lives of my family.” With that she opened the door and hobbled down to the main road. I closed and bolted it, thinking about what she’d said. Freilla had an unwritten contract with the northern realm of Eddelran, the rich lands where magic was revered. Eddelran was ruled by the Gentry, 4 powerful Elementals that represented the best of all four elements. They poured all of their impressive magic into the capital city of Nighall, which was famous for its beauty.

They were ruthless and called on Freilla when their own farms were short on crops because of all the feasts held in the capital. When that was the case, they gave little notice and sent a band of guards to retrieve the food. You had no choice but to give them what they asked for, even if it meant you had nothing left for your family. If your town couldn’t produce the right amount, people died. Ceir had been unable to fulfill the capital’s order and it had been wiped off the map.

Freilla also did business with Heathil, south of the free lands, but they were much less demanding. They hadn’t asked for a single thing since I’d moved to Firdorn two years ago.

The Eddelran guard had only come to collect once. I wasn’t a farmer so I didn’t have to be present in the town square, but I’d watched the proceedings from my rooftop. I’d seen the men and the horses swathed in crimson and gray march like a small army into the square, going from one stall to the other. The villagers-my villagers-had loaded the guard’s carts up and watched them leave. Later, I learned that they paid only fifteen laai for each stall.

As I bolted the shutters and got into bed, I thought about their coming visit. Ilda, the town crier of sorts, had received notice from the Gentry a week ago. This time they wanted all villagers present in the square and there was no question of hiding out at home. They would know if you weren’t present.

***

Heavy clouds watched over the proceedings as the horses clomped into the square. Inset on the chest of every guard was the Eddelran crest: a phoenix flying above, a salamander below, and a twisting current of water and wind splitting the two. I was situated between two vegetable stands in a clump of people, doing my best to blend in but instinctively averting my eyes as each horseman passed.

An eternity seemed to pass as the wares were surveyed. Not a single guard left his saddle or even looked at the villagers. A light drizzle turned the dirt beneath us into mud as I watched the lead guard circling around and stopping in front of Daal. She was the unofficial ruler of Firdorn, looked up to and respected. The guard dismounted and began speaking to her while she stood steadfast and unflinching. I tried to read what he was saying by her reactions but she showed nothing.

He got back on his horse and motioned to the others who spaced themselves quickly around the square. As one they said, “Load the carts.” All five hundred Firdorn villagers began moving the produce and I helped, keeping my head down. I walked the long way to avoid passing the guard on each trip and hoped no one noticed.

The rain picked up, dousing us all and plastering the guard’s surcoats to their armor. I waited for them to say we were done but the stalls got emptier and emptier and still they said nothing. Soon there would be no food left for any of us. Anger sprang to life in my breast but I checked it; no way could I risk saying something. The villagers around me were putting less into their boxes, clearly waiting for the same command I was, and I wanted to warn them. The guards would notice and they wouldn’t be kind.

“Don’t skimp,” I whispered to the others crowded around the cucumber stall. I filled my box and hoped the others did the same. A half hour passed and we were scraping the bottom of the barrel; there were only about fifty cucumbers left. A quick glance around the square told me others were in the same situation.

“Enough,” the lead guard called out. His voice echoed off the damp stone and we all sighed in relief. Each cart was covered with a tarp and then the horses were circling back around to the main gate. As each one disappeared my heart lifted more and as the last guard passed the Firdorn signpost, I smiled. (hide spoiler)]

Hi Alyssa,

I think this is excellent! It moves smoothly, the dialogue carries the action along, and the story idea is wonderful. You also do an excellent job of throwing in new names and terms with just enough explanation to provide what is needed so the reader can continue on. I would certainly read on from this prologue!

I was a little perplexed with the PLOT you posted until I read the prologue. I've heard that if you can summarize your book/screenplay/movie in no more than 2-3 sentences and still entice it's a good way to ensure you A) know what you've written and B) pitch it to anyone, anytime. This is even more true in today's fast-paced "give me just a blurb" world of entertainment and media.

I'm sure you'll end up with an edited and published version of your book in no time.

Here's to all of us as we continue to weave and tell the stories!

Deanna

Thanks, Deanna! I'm glad someone else likes it. And I've always been terrible at summing up my work, so no surprise there, ha. I'll keep working on it.

Hi Alyssa,

Thanks for posting!

This seems to run at a slower pace. Maybe just need some tightening up as part of the editing/additional drafts process or some shorter sentence and word choices to match the intensity of the scene? Or, maybe it's just because it's first person and there's a lot of "thought" self dialogue. Or, maybe I'm just tired. :-)

Regardless, I think the story is sound and I already feel attached to the main character, which is excellent, of course!

Deanna

I can definitely edit that second part of the prologue. You might be right about it being slow. I wanted to give Aurea a small reprieve because her life gets so hectic, but I don't want the reader to get bored.

Thanks for taking the time to read this stuff. I really appreciate it.

Chapter 2:
(view spoiler)[I smelled them before they breached the gate. I was lying on my thin mattress, trying to drift to sleep, when the scent of two magic wielders wrapped in metal and cloth approached the line of my property. I wasn’t sure who they were but it was obvious what they were after: me. I was on the other side of my little house in an instant, pushing the window open as quietly as possible.

There was enough space for me to squeeze through and I threw a leg over, inhaling in the direction of the front yard. There was only one of the men approaching my door and ice pierced through my body. Where was the other? Legs free, I twisted my torso through and moved my head back just in time for a sword to slice through the air my neck had just occupied. As soon as my feet hit the ground I turned, bounding toward the cover of trees. They weren’t going to get me to fight out there where everyone could watch.

I heard and smelled my pursuer and he was faster than I expected. Though I didn’t risk turning and looking I knew when the second one came around the corner and quickly joined the chase, his scabbard beating a fast rhythm against his thigh. Pulling up an aura I hurtled over the back fence and breached the tree line in seconds, pumping my arms as fast as I could. Ideally I would make my stand just beyond the river.

Something whipped past my head and embedded itself in a tree. I couldn’t make out what it was as I sprinted by, though it was small and shining in the moonlight. Knowing there would be more where that came from I started zigzagging, dancing around the path I’d previously beaten through the woods on my many visits to the river. I muttered a quick spell and water shot out of my heels, flooding the path behind me.

Just a little farther and I could turn and fight rather than run. I’d been running for two years and the chance to redeem myself, even in this small way just this once, sang through my blood. It was clear that my pursuers were Eddelran guards, because coincidences didn’t exist. I may have thought them bounty hunters if the guards hadn’t just been in Firdorn the day before.

My zigzagging was working, as was the river I was leaving my wake. I heard a thud and a curse before the two split off the path, one on each side. They threw more metal weapons and I dodged them easily, sensing them now that I knew what to look out for. The river bubbled up before me and I ran even faster, bare feet snapping twigs and leaves as I moved.

Having had enough, one of the guards dropped his sword to the ground and I felt that familiar crackling of magic in the air. Seeing no other choice, I dug down into my bones in search of my own elemental power. I listened, marking the positions of each pursuer, before letting the magic seep from my skin. I called to mind icy daggers and they formed in my hands as I turned to face my attackers while at the same time dismissing my protective aura.

Caught by surprise, the guard on the right faltered in his summoning and it was all I needed. The dagger flew from my hand, embedding itself in the soft skin of his inner thigh just beyond the reach of his chausse. He collapsed to his knees as his partner swung his sword at me for a second time. I parried with my dagger, throwing his powerful swing off-kilter and leaving a small opening. I jabbed with all the force I could muster, disabling his left arm as the ice cut through the tendons in his shoulder. I knew Eddelran armor well enough, having examined the guards in the square, to see its weaknesses. It left too many joints exposed and was more suitable for ranged attacks, not melee.

By that time, the first guard had taken my blade from his leg and thrown it to the ground where it dissolved into the dirt. The air crackled again as he summoned his power and I didn’t have time to twist out of the way before a blast of hot, raw wind knocked me back. I hit the ground with a painful thud, the air knocked from my lungs. A sharp rock stabbed my spine but I willed myself into action, rolling out of the way as the second guard advanced. He hadn’t resorted to using magic, probably thinking his sword and little trinkets would be enough to disable me, but I felt it coursing through his veins as he stomped toward me. Heat sizzled the night around him, smoke curling from his nostrils. I scrambled to my feet and ignored the wound in my back. The first guard came to the elbow of the second and then stopped. Both of them just stood there, their breathing heavy, and confusion hit me as there was the sound of creaking branches above me.

I looked up in time for a shadow to drop down from the overhead tree and coil a thick rope around my neck. Something hit the top of my head and blackness overtook me. (hide spoiler)]

Hello! I just popped over to let you know there are available folders now, and to ask if you would like one?

Me? Sure!

Okay! I'll go ahead and move your writing once I create the folder, and then it's all yours! :)

if I could have a folder that would be cool. :D

Alright, you've got one (once I'm finished moving this writing)

Lindsey - you have a folder! :)

And Alyssa - this topic is now in your own folder, and now you can do as much writing as you want in your folder! :)

Thank you =)

You're welcome! :)

Chapter 3 is here! I've updated the first 2 and it clearly took me a long time, haha.

(view spoiler)[ I awoke to the sound of wooden wheels turning and my body bumped up and down on a flat surface. My wrists and feet were bound with rope and strips of fabric were tied over my mouth and eyes. Wiggling my fingers, I could felt a wooden board underneath me, though it was dappled with pieces of something soft. I picked one such piece up with my finger tips and rubbed it, feeling around its edges. A tiny leaf, different from those that fell from forest trees.

Working quickly, I threw my shoulders back and brought my knees up to my chin, looping my arms through and to the front of my body. Pulling the blindfold and mouth gag down I sat up, thinking I could get free of the ropes and dive back into the woods if I was still in town.

I wasn’t. Stretching for miles behind and around us were open fields, brown grass swaying in the stiff breeze. It was still dark so not much time could have passed, which made me wonder how fast we were traveling. I was in a cart that I instantly recognized as belonging to the Eddelran guards. One of them must have recognized me in the town square.

Perhaps I could still run away. I’d injured both of the guards, a thought which brought my attention to the wound in my back. The sting barely registered, which made little sense. I could heal plants but I’d never been able to heal myself. Had someone else done it for me?

No matter. I’d make easy work of the feeble ropes and be free again, and would get my answers in time. Turning my attention to the bindings of my wrist, I closed my eyes and dug down into my magic. I could feel it crawling across my bones, running through my very soul, but couldn’t clamp down on it. The more I tried to grasp it the faster it wriggled away, out of reach. Stunned confusion gripped me.

“You can thank the ropes for that.” I almost jumped at the voice that sounded close to my ear; flipping over and raising myself up on sore elbows, I came face to face with the cloaked figure who’d noosed me. I assumed that’s who he was anyway, since I didn’t recognize him. He was perched on the edge of the cart, hands gripping either side as we bounced along. A black cloak draped his shoulders and he’d thrown his hood down to reveal a mess of silver hair that shone eerily in the bright moonlight. Raising a gloved hand, he continued, “I had to wear these stupid things just to touch it. There’s something in it, something foreign, that stifles magic. Even after it’s removed you’ll need some time to recover.”

I snapped my teeth. “I don’t need magic to rip you to pieces,” I spat. He grinned, not seeming worried at all about my threat.
“I’m sure that’s true. After all, we were trained in other ways.” His words surprised me. Glancing behind him at the guards I’d fought, who lead the cart, he pushed back the sleeve of his fitted shirt: tattoos. They ran from his wrist upward, disappearing under the dark fabric. I could make out some of the words and didn’t need to read the rest to know they were the laws of the Vanishing Academy. Laws of the assassins.

I studied his face closer, looking for signs of familiarity. His cheeks were soft, contrasting the sharp glint in his deep blue eyes. He was at least three years older than me and he clearly knew who I was, but did he know my crimes?

“What name do you go by now, anyway?” He’d been staring into my face, trying to read my thoughts there. I was sure I’d given away nothing. Raising my chin though I was still lying at his feet, I replied.

“Nettles.” His eyebrow shot up. “It was the first thing I thought of. My property was lined with it.” No response. Irked, I struggled into a sitting position so I could meet his eye. No matter what he’d been told about me, I was his equal and would not grovel like a common criminal. “What do they call you?”

His eyes raked over me, flitting over my thin jacket and lined pants. “It depends on who you talk to. My victims know me as Death Incarnate. My—our—friends know me as Erilsi. My masters know me as The Best Thing That’s Ever Happened to Them.” I snorted at his arrogance, but his words made clear two things: one, he’d finished his schooling and become a true assassin, and two, the other assassins had been informed of my failings.

While I was trying to think of a snappy retort, Erilsi turned and whistled, catching the attention of the guards. We rolled to a stop. “Keep it down, fool,” one of them muttered. “Just ‘cause we haven’t seen a pack doesn’t mean they aren’t nearby.”

“A pack of what?” My question went ignored, not even earning me a glance. I smiled. “Oh, is someone mad at me for stabbing them? So sorry, it’s just that I was being chased through the woods by a couple of morons who had come to snatch me up in my sleep like cowards.” That earned me a look of hatred from one of the guards and a smirk from Erilsi.

“Centaurs,” Erile answered my question. My hair stood on end. The plains of the Gatlands stretched hundreds of miles between Freilla and Eddelran, and they had always been overrun with creatures deadly enough to keep humans from settling. I remembered crossing years ago on my journey to Bellrook, though I’d been safe inside a carriage the whole trip. We’d come across a couple of ragged inns on the way but I hadn’t seen anything more exciting than that.

Now that I was traveling in an exposed vegetable cart and bound with rope, I didn’t want to meet anything more deadly than the silver-haired assassin sitting across from me. Centaurs were notoriously bloodthirsty creatures and smarter than most humans. Lowering my voice, I asked, “Did you spot them on the way to Firdorn?”

“Someone shut the prisoner up. Where’s that gag?” one of the guards grumbled. Other than that, I got no reply. The men huddled closer together and whispered so low I couldn’t hear them. As they prattled I wiggled my wrists back and forth, trying and failing to loosen the ropes. My hands had been bound as well so that only my fingertips were visible. That made untying the ropes around my ankles impossible unless I planned to saw through them with my fingernails.

After a few minutes we started moving again, faster than before. I suspected magic had something to do with our speed but didn’t bother asking. Erilsi’s eyes on me again, I turned back around and watched the road grow behind us. We were traveling along the top of a hill so massive I didn’t even realize it was one at first. In the distance, taller hills threatened to turn into mountains as they reached toward the sky. There was no trickling of water nearby, no calling of bird or pounding hooves, save for the guard’s horses. We were moving so quickly that I soon grew sick to my stomach and traded watching the ground for watching the sky. Thin clouds snaked across the black expanse and blanketed the stars.

There was a shuffling and I whipped around to see Erilsi sit next to me. The bulk of his cloak caught my eye and as my gaze landed on his back, I gasped. “You’re a sylph,” I said, though it was partly a question. Erilsi nodded and I reigned in my surprise. Most sylphs, or air wielders, chose to stay in their home at the peak of the Moreisil Mountain. What was more shocking than his being raised in Eddelran was the reason his cloak couldn’t sit flat against his back: he had wings. I’d been taught that sylphs were no longer born with wings, at least not in any recent generations. Erilsi noted my surprise but said nothing and I knew enough about the nature of assassins not to pry.

How did I not remember him? A sylph at the Academy would have been famous. Perhaps he was lying, though I couldn’t explain the tattoos. It was possible to get them somewhere else if you knew the rules of the assassins I supposed.

“And you’re a nymph,” he said after a minute. “Watermark on your left shoulder, red hair, green eyes, full name Aurea Eliza Thornbrow.”

“You were briefed.” I hated that he knew even that much about me; we were trained to keep ourselves secret and I’d done that in Firdorn to an extent. No one knew my true name or anything about me, save for my magical abilities.

“All of us, yes. We’ve been looking for you for some time.” Another suspicion confirmed. “Dyeing your hair black was a nice touch, most of the guards didn’t recognize you yesterday. It was Drose here who thought you looked familiar.” He glanced back at the guard named Drose, the one I’d stabbed in the shoulder.

“So you know all about me, huh? That’s no fun. An assassin needs a little mystery.”

“You are not an assassin,” Erilsi snapped. His tone indicated I’d just dealt a deadly insult and I wondered if that’s how the others saw me—as unworthy of the title. He was right though, I wasn’t an assassin. I forced myself not to be upset by that.

I opened my mouth to speak but was cut off as we pulled to a stop again and the guards dropped from their horses. Erilsi climbed over the side of the cart and over his shoulder I saw an inn, candles glowing in the windows. As he went inside, the guards led the horses—and subsequently me—around to the stables in the back. Erilsi came back a minute later with a room key. “It’s that window there, and try not to drop her.” I worked out what he meant in time to roll away from the hands of the guards.

No way was I going to let them shove me through the window like a bag of flour. Drose reached for my legs again and I kicked him in the chest. Roaring, he lunged, dodging my next kick and wrapping his large hands around my calves. I bucked and snarled, managing to twist free from the other guard’s grasp as he clutched my shoulders. I couldn’t free my legs again though, so it was a matter of seconds before I was imprisoned in their arms and pulled from the cart.
(hide spoiler)]

I made a drawing of Aurea, the MC. :)

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