Proud Of It! discussion

"If I cry, that doesn't mean that I am over sensitive and a crybaby, it means that I am able to let my feelings out"

This is so true!

Shrishti you get bullied??? I've lived in India that was never one of my many other experiences.

We just tease each other with some guys that's the only teasing we do:) and it's fun making a person blush when we call any guys name* evil grin*

Ohh I forgot that you had classes with guys.

Well most of us girls are a close group so we have lots if fun. And when we have skits or plays in the class it sure does feel nice to have privacy. Besides some classes are better without them is my personal opinion

Jessy don't worry your worth tons. :)

Well you are.

RIP mike:( you must have been a really nice person

Awww he seems really nice . Why do the nice people get separated from us quickly whereas the evil minded ones never seem to go away?

I don't know what this is but:
I always feel sad when I see my friends with other people who I have never heard of, laughing and smiling like I do with them. YOu see I have just Moved to high school and all my closest friends are drifting apart :( I need some help to keep all of my friends together.

We have talked on Skype, and we can never have get togethers because none of us have the time to come.
I know we'll all eventually drift apart but I don't want it to be now!

dear XYZ
i thought that you were different but again i was wrong . i trusted you and i ended up getting hurt physically and emotionally . you think im stupid im worthless and i hinder your ability to be perfect but i swear i never meant being an obstacle in your life and i will stop bothering you because when you told me i was useless i hurt myself. and now i will leave you and your life alone
your ex-friend

Nope not to someone you know shrishti. A guy..... Who kinda might have gone out once with......

That happened during a dark part of my life but however I met him today he was still angry at me because I dumped him. Sooooo really awkward and ended really bad

Nope I was bulimic when I was with him anyway he is history not I just send him an angry voice mail I really feel angry now

You mean sky goddes shrishti
And jessy it may have worked our but I was a bit of an idiot and maybe a little too flirty and I dumped him twice and I after I saw him cheating and long story short he cheated and I drove him crazy afterwards

And besides jessy I think I was a bit too young for a relationship

I am really sorry jessy and boy he sent me an email the length of India with a biaglion grammaticall mistakes just now and I just send him with all the corrections :P

Lol. I stopped doing that long ago.....

I am not there on Facebook. He send me an angry email again... This is getting old seriously

Thanks shrishti.... But already did thAt I'm running out of ideas ... I think I may end up cussing but I really don't want to.
I just spammed his mails and send our mutual friend a mail to stop him

He doesn't go to the same school..... And I only hit my friend who just asked Lucas to shut up.. But now he is in India :( I can't believe I actually miss him!!!!

Jessy wrote: "Well I just hate for you guys to get grounded or something by your parents"

I don't get grounded I'm the perfect daughter besides my parents won't believe anyone other than me when someone blames me for something

Don't worry jessy. I just happened to be good at being charming when I want to

Shrishti~dance~freak wrote: "You should go to school on Monday and punch him in the stomach. I did that with Kartik, who kept annoying me on Chat, I blocked him, but the idiot made a fake ID and tried to talk to me."

For us school started at Sunday and Friday and Saturday is a holiday besides if I'm seen within 1 mile radius of a guy in school all the teaches will start having suspicions and I do happen to have an innocent reputation in school at least among teachers................ Or so I hope

Jessy wrote: "I'll try not to, lol well wish I had that talent :)"
Lol. Being an only child in the family for6 years sure has its perks:) it also helps that I'm a girl

Shrishti~dance~freak wrote: "Oh. Well we had a holiday today too! Ram Naomi today!"
What's that??

Dear Life and Feelings:

Life. You are the one that brought me here. Why betray me now? You toss my around like an old pair of shoes. And I hate it. But Feelings, your no better. I'm sitting here tired and sad and a little hurt, for absolutely no reason. Why? I don't think I'm a bad person. But I'm changing. Life, how did you get me to be the person I swore to my parents when I was 8 I would NEVER be? The person that I couldn't even FATHOM why they did what they did?

How come I have secrets and lies and stories so deep that's all I am? I kept secrets so I would hurt people. I lied so I wouldn't get hurt. My stories are my tell alls and vents and joy and life. But now they seem to turn traitor on me, entangling me in vines of despair and sorrow and I see it. I see it in my words. I see it in my heart. I see it my stories and my characters. I see it my very being.

Life. Feelings. Please straighten out before you kill me.

Yours truly,
Cici

Dear (Your name.),
Why? Just why? I helped you. I gave you access to counseling, and now you've driven me into a pit of where I absolutely cannot decode my feelings. It's hard for me now, and the rumor now going around is a painful, most idiotic one. At least I'm not cantankerous, or else I would make no attempt to co-operate with you anymore. I helped you. And now you'ev hurt me. I wish I didn't like you, but it seems that you hate me. Even just seeing your face on the MTR today shattered my heart into little pieces, broken once more, despite the cast. I wish I was someone you liked as a friend. Someone says you don't hate me, another says you do. What have you dragged me into? This is already driving me mad, the feelings all mixed up into one messy goo which I can't decode.

Please, just tell me what happened... Please...

Sa.

Dear ________,

I don't understand why. One day you say you hate me, I am the reason for you cutting, I am the reason for all of your pain, I am the reason for you wanting to die everyday, for all of your crying at night, you talk trash about me to my online friends and other to get them to pitty you and hate me. The next you want to be my friend, you love me, you feel bad and blame yourself for me not wanting to be with you, you talk to me normally and be happy. Then you go back to hating me. Love, hate, love, hate.

You say that I am tugging you, hurting you with my 'anger' and my 'leaving you for no reason' when you are the one taking me on the rollarcoaster that inevitably lead to my ampthy for you and some others. What you said is still with me. I use this website as an escape, and you have turned it into a hell that I can barely stand.

From,
L.

Dear _____________...

I do not understand this feeling. The pain and hurt. You left. You went to heaven, why did you not take me with you? I do not understand, you were so strong...

Dear You

Why did it have to happen. You just left me that morning. I didnt know till I got home, no tears streaked my face. I sat still and started at the ugly pale floor. What was I supposed to do? they expected me to break down, but I just went numb. I wish you could have taken me with you, or atleast told me of your pains more. I wish I had expresed myself to you. I was like the daughter you never had, I wish I could have done better to make you smile....

Dear ______,

I am disappearing from everyone's lives, becoming the first one to be left behind. I am not causing this to happen because I don't want it to happen. Ignored and ignored again, crowded out of the table, crowded out of conversations. If I am becoming annoying to you, tell me, don't just ignore me and leave me out of everything. I say I am leaving, you just fill in my spot. I am the last one anyone comes to when they want to do something. Why? What have I done wrong?

L.

Dear everyone,

I am going away. Far away. Above the clouds, ware you cannot reach me. I'm sorry, but I must. You will be fine, you will forget me, dont worry. Mabey I'll acually be happy for once. Mabey I'll be set free. I don't know. but I need to go know everyone, please do not cry. Please do not look for me. I am leaving forever my loves. My freinds, how I wished to meet you guys. But I must go know. Hopefully I'll see everyone in the palce we go after-death. Goodbye my freinds


Moy.

you dont even know me...

But you dont know the real me

I am evil. I hurt people. I must go know...

To All Those In This Group Who Have Been Hurt Or Are Hurting,

I read through all of the letters of sadness and letters of anger. I don't comment on them because I know how personal they are or sometimes how momentary the sadness and anger is. I'm shy, I'm nervous, I'm scared, I don't want people to get the wrong idea about me. I don't know any of you personally; I don't know what you look like or where you live or what your hobbies are. I read the little tidbits that are posted throughout the group, and that's all. I know I sound silly, but even though I've only joined for a few days, I look forward to seeing what goes on here and reading what people have to say in a place that is full of support for each other and such blatant honesty. It makes me happy.

I get sad when I read about people in this group hurting. I don't know about your unique hurts, but I've been hurt before. I've lost my mind before. I've nearly died before. I don't know exactly what everybody is going through. I have an idea though, and I want to understand.

I'm the socially awkward goofy smartypants in most real-life circles. I don't have a lot of people to really talk to, but I like talking to you guys and I feel like even though our encounters and words are brief, you guys help me. I know I'm not alone; there is a place I can talk openly.

So, you scratched my back and I want to scratch yours. I might not have much to say, but I'm a good listener and can keep a secret. I know that a lot of the age group that are in this group are going through some rough times- I know there's a lot of uncertainty, insecurity, and unfairness going on in the world.

But Jessy has inspired me, and I want to help. I'm only sad because I don't know how and because of all these people who are so unhappy with themselves.


Warmest wishes,
Summer

Haha, yeah.

Sorry, I got super sentimental last night and it all had to come out. I'm honest about it though.

I know, I know. I'm a just a bleeding heart, lol ^^;;

Dear Mental Hospital Buddy, Cupquake, Little J, Julz, Turtle, Babe, Sweetheart, Sister, Best Friend, Lovr, my partner and crime, and some would even say…my future partner:
I should have realized I never would have my 44 cats and Niall and each other, because the thing is….you never wanted me. I could not see that, I still cannot see that. In the inside, I still smile when I pass you and I still think of you constantly, in my heart you will always be that gap that you filled and now is empty. Maybe, just maybe that I am crazy, maybe I am crazy enough that I should have followed my fortune cookie that I got the next day…it said ”forgiving others may not fix the past, but it will help the future.” The thing is I would forgive you but you never could. I gave you all the facts to trust me, I gave you everything and you just gave me hate in return. It confused me, I told the truth and I believed in you. I did not understand why you hated me so much for facts; I could not understand why you wanted me to leave. I will never understand, to me you were like the girl I wanted to marry when I was older even though I never knew that would happen, you were the daughter I always wanted, you were the sister I have always hoped for…. Now you the long lost friend that I wish I could somehow get back. I would do anything, you distract me from my work, and you distract me every living moment. I can never get over this, you were not like the others, and you were the girl who completed me. You were the girl who I wrote letters and letters to and never sent them because you would think I was crazy. When I was away from you I got homesick, I would do anything to see you smile and laugh. Now this will never happen. The funny thing is though, I still write letters to you and I still do not ever send them. I could never send this because you would not care. You would not give a damn about how you broke me inside. You would not give a damn if I ever left this town, you would not give a damn about a single thing that involves me. I look at my old computer and even this one I have now and I have millions of files after you, I don’t know what they are…I am afraid to open them, I am afraid my heart will break even more. Every day I look at our texts from a year ago, I kept most of the notes from our conversations in my drawer. I even have the last note you sent me kept in my pencil case. I will always keep these notes, I like looking back at them but it also makes me realize how much you were faking this friendship. Like you said….” We have been trying to get you out of our group for months now.” I do not know what that means and I will never know what that means. But I do know one thing…when you asked me why didn’t I stop being your friend because you were so mean to me….I honestly meant that I would never leave because I care so much about you. I will always care a lot about you, you were my everything. I stopped everything for you if you needed help, I stayed up late to help you, I stopped even school work to help you, even if you needed help when I was with my family, I always chose you. I still would choose you. All I am asking is why? Why can’t I let go, why do I have to be so god damn loyal? Why are you always constantly on my mind when I am never in years? But please, I am lost…I have no guidance…I don’t know where I belong…All I know is I would do anything in the world to have you back in my life because as far as I am concerned, I can forgive you for all the awful things you have done and said. Because that is who I am, I would do anything for you even if you would not do the same for me…
The Girl you do not care about,
Kaitlyn Wood
PS. I wish I had the strength to give you all the letters I wrote to you over the months but now I know that it would be pointless….Just like it would be pointless to give you this letter. 

*yours not years

Advice, real friends are there to help you no matter what, so even if you are scared to talk about it, talk about it anyway. You'll do yourself more harm keeping it to yourself and worrying over it.

Then TALK, Jessy. TALK! You can even talk to us. We're always bombarding you as it is. It's only natural it should be a two-way street.

Life's too short to be stressing all the time; it takes a lot out of you. Ages you fast. Ain't nobody got time for that.

To: This Group

ANNOUNCEMENT EVERYONE: Due to my incredibly hectic summer, I'm going to be taking a summer break from goodreads (at least for the most part, there could some days I get on). But I wanted to let y'all know, to my friends I'm going to miss you, and I'll be thinking of you oftend. God bless you, awesome friends! I plan on coming back to goodreads full time at the end of this summer. Wish me luck with drivers ed! Bye!!

What is wrong jess?

Dear...everyone i guess,


I just made a goodreads account to keep up with my endless supply of books....I joined a group that catched my intrest, and a moment later, I cannot find the group. I have apparently been blocked. I do not understand, anyone willing to tell me what's up?

Dear 'friends',

What have I done wrong? You call me your friend and yet you make me feel like a ghost wondering aimlessly to find someone to talk to. I join the conversation for 2 seconds and instantly I am kicked out of it. I am the third wheel in every single friendship, last one to be picked to do something. Last night made me understand how alone I really was. Some of my favorite seniors didn't even let me say goodbye and talk to them one last time. My best gay friend sent me an awful glare. Other friends just respond with 'oh, cool' when I try to talk to them. My foreign friend doesn't even like talking to me anymore. My other friends are too far away and I can barely talk to them.

Looking at my sister, who has a whole batch of friends, makes me realize that I am alone, even when people in band are supposed to be one big family.

I am alone...

I am sorry for annoying you to the point of hating me and ignoring me.

From,
L.

@ L , I'm sad you are feeling the way you are. I kind of know what that's like. Band was a big part of my high school life and when I got pushed out of the closet my senior year at high school, I was treated the same way - like a ghost. Do you plan on going to college? College will let you meet like-minded people, not the same class you've been stuck with for twelve years. Just be willing to take a chance, okay? - in the meantime though, I know that online friends aren't the same as the friends you see every day, but things will get better, and while I can't speak for everyone, I'll be here for you; I'm sure everyone here will be there for you.

Cheer up, L. You're our friend :)

I do plan to go to college, but even there I am sure no one will like me. And I have moved schools through out my school years. I first moved halfway across the country in 1st grade, then I moved to a different elementary school for 5th grade, then I was one of only 23 to come from my middle school to my high school, and those 23 left me in the dust and hung out with each other, so I couldn't really bond with anyone for very long.

And thank you, Summer..

In my own opinion, everything is a mind over matter. If you think no one will like you, you will jynx yourself into having no friends! So go in with a mindset that you are a likeable person and you will make a friend :)

I'm sorry if I ever come across as an annoying optimist ^^;;