Get to Know Nathan Daniels discussion

BREAKDOWN
By Nathan C. Daniels

I hear and see what is not there.
I pound my fists and pull my hair.

I talk too loud to trump the noises
—chaotic, screaming, inner voices!

I seldom eat and never sleep.
I rarely laugh. I always weep.

I bite my knuckles —scream in silence.
I cut myself to quell the violence!

Pace my basement late at night
with phantom ghosts, who try to bite.

I punch myself. I spin around.
Grunt and gasp —I’m on the ground!

Hug my knees and cry some more,
my face, against the concrete floor.

I hear the whisper —bang my head.
I truly wish that I were dead!

Shadows dance and come to life.
I cut again —my bloodstained knife.

It never ends, and I am weary.
My downward spiral’s dark and dreary!

Endless tears —my eyesight’s blurry.
My world is pain, and threats, and worry.

I must escape my tortured brain.
It hurts so much to be insane!

I picture dangling from a rope.
I disappear like all my hope.

Open veins for blood to shed.
Take lots of pills and go to bed!

I’ll find a ledge of lethal height.
Plummet fast to set things right.

Drown myself… for restitution?
Gunshot? Fire? Electrocution?!

All these thoughts are always calling,
I still breathe… but I’m just stalling.

My struggle makes my madness stronger,
I’ll survive tonight… but how much longer?