Runs with scissors discussion

I was at a funeral this week for someone that I have known most of my life, and left feeling like I didn't know him at all because the officiant carried on about scripture instead of the person. I have noticed this trend in funerals of late where the deceased is not either talked about at all, the same 3 facts are repeated, or that the officiant did not talk to the family at all.

This disturbs me, especially since the person whose funeral I went to was a long time church and choir member,married for over 54 years,and is a father of 3,with grandchildren. The officiant is a temporary minister for our church as our former one's husband took a transfer for his job, and then got deployed to Afghanistan so she wanted to be near family. We understood. I could see how perhaps he may not know our church enough to know all of this off the bat, but all he had to do was ask.

My own cousin perpetrated this lack of personal details when he officiated my grandma's funeral 6 years ago. His reasoning was "this is the only church of these people are gonna get." He was her NEPHEW and couldn't even say one thing about her?

I am sorry, but I think that this is getting silly. I for one have decided that I am going to plan my own funeral down to the eulogy, that way no matter who comes, you will know me, and if you know me, you will be glad you came.

So, how do the rest of you feel about impersonal services and if you could write your own,what will you say?

Watch for my service outline soon.

In my opinion? To #$^^ with funerals. It has been my experience with people in my family that not ONLY do Bible Thumpers use a time of grief to terrorize/coerce a captive audience into buying their beliefs, there are a LOT of family members boo-hooing great big fake crocodile tears. I have watched people that talked to me about how much they hated someone in the family weep and mourn at the casket. I have ALSO seen people that could not stand the deceased smirking and gloating in the funeral home.

I have let everyone in my family know that there will be no funeral when I die. There will be no grave to desecrate (yes, people in my family steal and throw away OR destroy and leave laying on the grave flowers that are placed on the graves). PEN, Lee-Ann and I all three have decided for straight cremation, no frills. Oh, and THAT alone is a thousand dollars per person currently. At least that's what it cost my sister to cremate her husband.

For me, it is about celebrating the person who was here and not the fact that they are gone. I would like a green burial with no headstone. A memorial service later would be nice, if there is anyone to come. I am not geographically close to the cousins who are my age (all but 2 younger,the older ones are only older by 2 years and one by 3 weeks), so I have not been emotionally close to any of them. I am running out of blood relatives and I do not have any children of my own, so that leaves my friends if they are around to come.

*sigh*

I am still working on this. I haven't forgotten.

I have been struggling with this idea and cannot come up with a cohesive tale of who I am and who I have become. I am not in the habit of speaking about myself in the third person (I am writing this for someone else to speak in my absence, so pronouns are important here) and am not used to speaking well of myself. I am not sure I can do this and may have suggested something that may be beyond me. Perhaps it is because I am not near the end of my life, so it is hard to look back on who I am as I am not who I am yet. Or it could be I just have too much going one right now to concentrate.

I hope to figure it out soon.

I really thought that I could to this and with my recent health scare I really thought I would *have* to do it, but I still couldn't. It is really hard for me to think that anyone would show up to my funeral, let alone want hear about my life. I really think the only reason anyone will show up it is to make sure that I am really gone.

It's hard to sum up someone's life in a few sentences, even with the perspective of being someone else. To do that with one's own life, that's nearly impossible.