I want to create a story about a boy who wants to help support his brother and mother and I created an introduction/prologue to introduce his character. I started to monologue (an issue of mine). Please help me edit this. --- I sat outside Marty’s Cycles with a frown on my face. Last year I had graduated high school and things had changed monumentally since then. I was supposed to attend Greenberg Community College in the fall, but Mama came down sick and I had to work extra time at the bike shop to pay for her surgery. Things hadn’t gone as planned at all. All of my friends left town. Most of the people who could go to college away from Greenberg would go to college away from Greenberg. So I was with Mama while all of them studied to be entrepreneurs and lawyers and doctors and nurses and social workers and psychologists. Things haven’t gone uphill since Mama recovered. Marty Davidson had just sold the one place in town where I could make a decent amount of money to Robby Westbrook, a wealthy aristocratic man who wanted to find a business that his precious son could “practice” with. That son is Christiano Westbrook, my arch-nemesis. Christiano and I hated each other’s guts from a young age. When we were five, he pushed me off the swings into the wood chips. When we were six, I buried all of his fancy toys in the sandbox and it took him two months to find them. Things only escalated as we got older. I made out with his girlfriend a couple of times and he was the reason for half of my detentions. This was Christiano’s ultimate victory and I’m sure he knew it. Anyway, there I sat in front of the bike shop when Christiano strolled along with his girlfriend, Jessica. I winked at her and she giggled. Christiano scowled and glared at me. “Get off my real estate, Richard,” he snapped, giving me an angry look. “Okay,” I said, standing up and smiling at the evil that stood in front of me. “Just make sure to be careful. I don’t want you getting a papercut while counting your money.” Christiano’s eyes radiated anger. I knew he was about to blow. As I walked away, I smiled at Jessica one last time and she smiled back. Christiano noticed this, unfortunately and he ran at me at full speed and tackled me to the ground. I was on the ground and Christiano was hitting me with force and speed. “Don’t you ever look at my girlfriend again!” he yelled at me. “I guess I’ll have to kiss her with a blindfold on,” I retorted, throwing him off of me. He landed beside me with a thud. I got on to my feet and gave Christiano a stern look. “You don’t deserve her. If it weren’t for your daddy’s wallet, she’d be running this way, full speed ahead.” “Shut up!” Christiano yelled at me. He got back onto his feet. “Jess ain’t a gold digger. She just has good taste in men. She knows not to fall for some poor, ugly unemployed community college dropout.” Suddenly I knew that I was about to blow. “My mother had cancer!” I yelled at him, anger getting the best of me. “My dad died when my mom was pregnant. She’s always sick. I couldn’t go to college. If I had time to sit around studying and didn’t have to support my mother and my brother, maybe I’d be at the state college. But no! I’m sitting here picking a fight with a rich dirtbag who can’t even treat his girlfriend right and doesn’t know he’s with the smartest, kindest, and prettiest girl who ever lived in Greenberg. Instead he steals people’s jobs so that he can ‘practice’ to take over his family’s business and lets an entire family go hungry until poor, ugly unemployed community college dropout Richard can find a new job. Goodbye Christiano. Oh, and have a nice life, Jessica.” I jumped on my bike and rode off at full speed. Life sucks.
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I sat outside Marty’s Cycles with a frown on my face. Last year I had graduated high school and things had changed monumentally since then. I was supposed to attend Greenberg Community College in the fall, but Mama came down sick and I had to work extra time at the bike shop to pay for her surgery. Things hadn’t gone as planned at all. All of my friends left town. Most of the people who could go to college away from Greenberg would go to college away from Greenberg. So I was with Mama while all of them studied to be entrepreneurs and lawyers and doctors and nurses and social workers and psychologists. Things haven’t gone uphill since Mama recovered.
Marty Davidson had just sold the one place in town where I could make a decent amount of money to Robby Westbrook, a wealthy aristocratic man who wanted to find a business that his precious son could “practice” with. That son is Christiano Westbrook, my arch-nemesis. Christiano and I hated each other’s guts from a young age. When we were five, he pushed me off the swings into the wood chips. When we were six, I buried all of his fancy toys in the sandbox and it took him two months to find them. Things only escalated as we got older. I made out with his girlfriend a couple of times and he was the reason for half of my detentions. This was Christiano’s ultimate victory and I’m sure he knew it.
Anyway, there I sat in front of the bike shop when Christiano strolled along with his girlfriend, Jessica. I winked at her and she giggled. Christiano scowled and glared at me. “Get off my real estate, Richard,” he snapped, giving me an angry look.
“Okay,” I said, standing up and smiling at the evil that stood in front of me. “Just make sure to be careful. I don’t want you getting a papercut while counting your money.” Christiano’s eyes radiated anger. I knew he was about to blow. As I walked away, I smiled at Jessica one last time and she smiled back. Christiano noticed this, unfortunately and he ran at me at full speed and tackled me to the ground.
I was on the ground and Christiano was hitting me with force and speed. “Don’t you ever look at my girlfriend again!” he yelled at me.
“I guess I’ll have to kiss her with a blindfold on,” I retorted, throwing him off of me. He landed beside me with a thud. I got on to my feet and gave Christiano a stern look. “You don’t deserve her. If it weren’t for your daddy’s wallet, she’d be running this way, full speed ahead.”
“Shut up!” Christiano yelled at me. He got back onto his feet. “Jess ain’t a gold digger. She just has good taste in men. She knows not to fall for some poor, ugly unemployed community college dropout.” Suddenly I knew that I was about to blow.
“My mother had cancer!” I yelled at him, anger getting the best of me. “My dad died when my mom was pregnant. She’s always sick. I couldn’t go to college. If I had time to sit around studying and didn’t have to support my mother and my brother, maybe I’d be at the state college. But no! I’m sitting here picking a fight with a rich dirtbag who can’t even treat his girlfriend right and doesn’t know he’s with the smartest, kindest, and prettiest girl who ever lived in Greenberg. Instead he steals people’s jobs so that he can ‘practice’ to take over his family’s business and lets an entire family go hungry until poor, ugly unemployed community college dropout Richard can find a new job. Goodbye Christiano. Oh, and have a nice life, Jessica.” I jumped on my bike and rode off at full speed. Life sucks.